Butterflies and Hurricanes
by WhoNatural
Summary: Twilight with a twist of The Butterfly Effect: Still human, Bella discovers a new power which throws everything into chaos. Now, to save someone's life, she must change her past... but do we always end up where - and with who - we expected? Time travel, Twilight style. Winner of the Emerging Swan Award for Best Running With The Wolves WIP
1. Nostalgia

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Prologue**

_Hard to believe, but when I rewind my life,  
starting from a point when my heart  
was destroyed by a hurricane of grief,  
I see the dominoes rising, how that storm  
was just a gale weeks earlier, a gust  
days before that. Finally I see where it all began._

-The Butterfly Effect by David Hernandez

Brown eyes, so heartbreakingly similar to my own were looking back at me. But they weren't the same, not anymore. They were vacant, lifeless; the eyes of a corpse. An agonising scream ripped through the air, causing my body to shudder and a chill to stab its way through me. It was only from the stinging pain in my throat that I realised that it came out of me – it didn't sound human, which I guess was appropriate as one of my last links to humanity died in my arms. I cradled his head to my chest. His blood – the very same blood that flowed through my own veins oozed out of his neck and on to my jeans. It was warm, still heated by his body and the thump of a heart that had stilled only moments before. It would never beat again. I lived in a world where this didn't mean the end of everything anymore. I looked around me in hope, at the numerous sympathetic gazes reflected back at me. It couldn't be over – he was still so young, had so much _life _ahead of him. I wasn't ready to let go yet. It wasn't his time.

"Edward, please... you have to change him... I can't-" a sob choked my throat as the tears came. "I can't do this, not yet. There has to be time – he can stay with us, we'll move away... "

I knew before I even finished the sentence how futile my begging was. If I'd just stopped for a second to think, then I'd know that I was out of second chances.

"Bella, love, it's too late. You know we couldn't do it anyway – the treaty, the wolves...His heart's stopped... he's already gone."

"No!" I snapped, feeling my voice breaking, betraying the despair I felt inside, not the anger I wanted to convey. They had to do _something._ "He isn't! He can't be, I had more time. _We _had more time."

I looked around for allies, settling on one. "Carlisle, tell him. Tell him there's more time!"

The look in the doctor's honeyed eyes was so pitiful, I would have begun crying all over again had it not been directed towards me.

"Bella, you know if I could do anything, I would. I'm so terribly sorry. It all happened so fast - " His words were drowned out by more of my tortured sobs.

The sudden warmth at my back didn't bring the comfort I was so used to drawing from it. For the first time ever, Jacob couldn't chase the nightmares away. My nightmare was real. He was dead, and I'd have to live without him for eternity.

"Bells, come on baby, you're in shock." His voice was no more than a croak, sounding foreign and distant, and I knew if I looked into his eyes it would be my undoing. I sat stock still, refusing to move. This couldn't be it.

"He can't be dead, Jake, he can't be. He's still warm – feel," I whimpered, taking the hand that was on my shoulder and pressing it into the still, hollow chest.

"I know sweetheart, but please, you have to let us take him home. Do you want him out here in the cold all night?"

I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. My tears ran down the length of my nose, gathering on the tip before dropping one-by-one on to his shirt. I gathered the jacket that hung loosely on his chest and pulled it together, trailing the zipper up, locking in the very last of his heat as I smoothed it out lovingly over his body. Jacob reached beyond me, running his large russet hand delicately over his face, shutting his eyes with finality.

He buried his nose in my hair, enveloping me in his embrace as I finally allowed myself to be moved. It was just a body now, anyway. He wasn't there anymore. He never would be again. Jacob's muffled sobs clawed at my heart. I'd never heard him cry before. It was unfathomable.

How could this happen? I had an army of protectors laying their lives down for me, and one of the most important people in my life had been the sole casualty, an afterthought now that he'd been killed. It was my fault. It was all the devastating result of a chain of events starting with my unhealthy obsession with Edward Cullen.

I knew that's what it was now. Sometimes, it takes a time of true heartache and pain for us to see the truth about ourselves. When we feel like the world is crumbling round our shoulders, it is then that we take the time to appreciate the safe harbours in the storm. I'd lost one of mine – he was growing colder now, each passing minute draining the last of his living heat away. Never again would his eyes light up with laughter, or would I witness one of his awkward smiles or the ever-bashful clearing of his throat.

This was my burden; the guilt mine to carry alone. But I couldn't live with it, not with his death on my conscience. Too many people had been hurt as a result of my selfish actions, and this was the last straw. I was going to fix this. Edward wasn't making the decisions for me anymore, and I couldn't hide behind him and allow him to be the navigator in my life. I should have stayed away from him all that time ago. I should have ran in the opposite direction once I found out who he was, but stupidly, I forged onwards, letting myself get swept along in the chaos that loving a vampire wreaked on my life. Our worlds didn't mix; they never would, and I was a fool to believe otherwise. All that had resulted from our pairing had been one disaster after another. I could live with it if I was the only victim, but not now. In that moment, I wished I'd never set eyes on him. I wished his family had never come to Forks. I wished the wolves had never phased. I wished I didn't have to constantly live in fear of death.

Out of all of this, I had gained one thing – something I'd use to get myself through this. Only I had the means to make this right – the world didn't deserve to lose him, none of us did.

I pulled away from Jacob's arms and fixed my eyes on Edward. I didn't want a long goodbye. I didn't want to give myself a chance to talk myself out of this. It had to happen now, or I'd never do it. Edward's eyes registered confusion, before a quiet realisation, coupled with horror marred his flawless features. He shook his head, taking a step towards me before I held up my hand. I looked away, I had to do this now.

I had to go back. I had to save him.

* * *

**Chapter One: Nostalgia**

"Jeez, who died?" Emmet's voice rang out, full of mirth as he entered the spacious home office.

One stony glare from Edward and he knew that no-one was in the mood for joking. I didn't see what the big deal was – so I'd fainted, it's not as if it was the first time. Hell, any drop of blood I'd come in contact with my whole life had had the same effect on me, it didn't mean I was in life-threatening danger.

Okay, so yeah, I was in life-threatening danger, but the fainting had little to do with it, and in my opinion, we were just wasting time that could be spent strategising against the real threats.

"Alright, what'd I miss? Bella decide to strip off and do a rain dance with her friends in the forest or something? Attract the wrong attention yet again?" he asked, looking between Edward, Carlisle and me. Carlisle sighed beside me and held up his wristwatch as he took my pulse. I couldn't help the splutter of laughter that escaped, and tried to hide it behind a cough. I knew I wasn't convincing anyone when Edward shot me a pleading look, squeezing my un-bandaged hand lightly.

"You know I'm pretty sure that's racist, Emmett. In fact, why don't I ask some of the Rez guys and see what they think?" I said, quirking an eyebrow. He just gave me a confident grin and shrugged.

"Go ahead, I'm pretty sure I could distract 'em with a frizbee or a nicely chewed tennis ball."

"Okay, now you're just asking for it," I giggled, shaking my head, Leave it to my big bear of a brother-to-be to diffuse any situation. Edward pinched the bridge of his nose wearily.

"Bella, please, try to take this seriously. You've given us great cause for concern."

I instantly felt guilty for worrying him, but the truth was, I was pretty scared too. It was nice to let myself be distracted for a second.

"Edward, seriously, I'm fine. It was just a dizzy spell. I skipped breakfast, probably hunger pains," I soothed, not believing a word of it. He gave a frustrated grunt and looked at Carlisle, no doubt trying to pluck the diagnosis from his mind.

"Bella was swooning?" Emmett interjected. "Nice to know you've still got it, old man." He patted Edward roughly on the back and gave him a mischievous smile which was not returned.

"She was most definitely not swooning," Edward retorted. "She was online, emailing her mother when her eyes glazed over and then rolled back in her head. It was only sheer chance that I was on my way to see her or she could have seriously injured herself."

Emmett chuckled. "Damn, Bella, who faints sitting down? That's got to be a new one."

"It lasted for ten minutes. Carlisle, do you have any conclusions?" He asked, looking across me. I was getting increasingly irritated that they were talking like I wasn't here.

"Not as yet, I'm afraid," he said apologetically. "If it was simply a dizzy spell, as Bella suggested, it wouldn't have lasted that long, and it certainly wouldn't have happened during a sedentary activity."

"What am I, a pond creature?" I said exasperatedly. Edward ran a soothing hand through my hair and laid a loving kiss on the crown of my head.

"Please, just indulge me, love. I couldn't stand it if you were unwell."

I sighed, knowing I was falling pray to that butterscotch gaze once again.

He looked thoughtful for a moment before speaking once more. "Could this be a risidual effect of the venom? Maybe there was some traces left in her blood stream. It could be a delayed effect, only manifesting now," he queried. Carlisle studied the scar on my wrist and frowned.

"It would be safe not to rule it out, but I would prefer to run some tests for confirmation."

"Yeah well, it won't matter once I'm turned, will it?" I said, looking between my fiance and future father-in-law. The latter opened his mouth as if to agree, before thinking better of it and closing it again.

"Maybe you're just pregnant," Emmett joked, leaning against the door frame. I blushed profusely.

_Chance would be a fine thing._

"Don't be ridiculous, Emmett," Edward snapped, and his grip on my hand tightened uncomfortably.

"Ouch, Edward, puny human over here," I whimpered, and his grip relaxed instantly, being replaced by soothing circles and an apologetic expression. Guess he forgot that I only had one fully-functional limb after breaking it on my best friend's concrete jaw.

"Are you sure there's nothing else out of the ordinary you can think of, anything you ate, maybe hurt yourself in some way that you dismissed?" Carlisle enquired. I looked away, shrugging before shaking my head.

_Nothing other than the incredibly lucid dream I had, where I was back at the graduation party, dancing with Jess and Angela, just like in the photos I'd been sending. But you don't dream when you're fainting, right?_

"Really, nothing. I'm sure it was a once off. A fluke."

Edward let out a weary sigh before helping me off the examination table. I smiled up at him.

"Stop worrying, you'll give yourself wrinkles, I teased. He chuckled softly before taking my hand and leading me back downstairs.

Esme had just offered to prepare dinner for me when the growl of an engine roared from outside, and tyres screeched to an abrupt halt before the door was almost torn off its hinges and Alice was before me in a blur of movement. She was focusing intently on my features, as if trying to solve a puzzle. Esme appeared back in the family room, wiping her hands on a dish towel.

"Is something the matter, Alice?" she asked, looking between both her children in turn. Edward was staring at his sister in much the same way she was looking at me, and I was feeling entirely exposed under her gaze.

"Something's happening." Alice said, absent-mindedly. "Why did you lie?"

I gaped at her, looking at Edward's accusing expression and attempted to play dumb.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said weakly. Edward's gaze hardened minutely, and he took my hand in is.

"Bella, darling, you have no need to keep things from me, especially if you're afraid. Please tell us what happened when you blacked out," he pleaded. I looked questioningly at Alice, who took her cue to explain.

"I saw you blacking out, several times, in fact. It keeps happening over the course of the next week, and you ended up blurting out that you're seeing things – but I didn't see what they are."

My eyes widened in shock. This was going to happen again? It was just a stupid hallucination. I didn't get why I'd feel the need to share it with them – it was just my stressed brain reliving a random memory, that's all.

"Bella, are you having visions?" She sounded almost hopeful. Like there was yet another thing we could bond over as soon-to-be sisters.

"No, Alice, I swear. It wasn't even anything," I admitted. Edward looked hurt that I owned up to the lie.

"Tell me exactly what you saw, please. Don't leave anything out," he asked. I sighed and sat down on the plush sofa.

"It was a memory, of last week – the party. I'd just been looking at photos when I was sending them to Renee, so it's not like it's completely out of the blue."

"A memory," Alice said evenly. "What happened, was it significant?"

I shook my head. "No, It was just of me dancing with Jess and Angela, from before Jake showed up with Quil and Embry. That's all."

Edward and Alice shared a look. "Seriously? That's it?" Alice said. She sounded disappointed.

"That's it. It wasn't even that exciting, just having fun and then it cut out and Edward was holding a wash cloth over my forehead." I puffed out a weary breath before Esme interrupted.

"Okay, I'm sure we'll figure this out, but you can't expect Bella to hold up to an interrogation on an empty stomach," she diffused, holding out her hand towards me. "Come on, Bella, let's get you some dinner."

I left them to their silent conversation as I followed her into the kitchen, thankful for the escape. Whatever was happening, it was scaring the hell out of me, and I felt the weight of everything all at once. Not only was I being hunted my a sadistic vampire hell-bent on revenge, I had been keeping my engagement from my best friend while he had been relentlessly trying to change my mind about being turned. I was keeping absolutely everything from my father, and now on top of everything else, I was blacking out at random times. I wondered when it would end, or if I'd just end up cracking from the pressure of it all. The rift with Jake was hardest to bear. After I'd punched him for forcing me into a kiss, he'd shown up at my graduation party and apologised. I was grateful that he'd shown the maturity – it seemed that more and more lately he just liked to push my buttons – but I was still wracked by guilt that my pursuit of happiness would end up ultimately hurting him.

I'd known Jake had felt strongly for me, but after he confessed to being in love with me, something changed between us. I knew that part of it was his refusal to hide his feelings – something that, as Charlie Swan's daughter, I was very good at. It was also that he was forcing me to face my own. I knew I loved Jake – I couldn't have survived the last year without him, but I simply didn't feel the same way for him as he did for me; there just wasn't enough of my heart to go around. Part of me worried more what he'd do once he found out that I was marrying Edward. I'd already committed to being turned, but Jake had always joked that it would take either a shotgun or a bomb threat to get me down the aisle. I didn't want to admit that it had been neither – just bribery.

I wanted to be like Edward so badly that I'd agreed to do something that was so out of my comfort zone, I'd broken out in hives the second Alice suggested going dress shopping. This wasn't me, and it never would be, but if it was what I had to do to be with Edward forever, then I'd do it. I just wished he'd be more accepting of Jacob and The Pack in my life. He'd made the point that I wouldn't be able to go to La Push after I was turned, and probably wouldn't be able to be around loved ones for several years, if ever, but was it so wrong of me to want to wring the last few weeks out of my time with them? Maybe I was just torturing myself, but the thought of never going to another bonfire again, never hanging out in Jake's garage or helping Emily cook for the troops had my stomach clenching in grief. The only time I got to see any of them these days was at the training sessions, and even then it was overshadowed with the guilt that all those full, happy lives were being put at risk for me. I didn't see how it was fair. After the amount of hurt I was about to inflict on Jacob, any one of those wolves was worth ten of me. Even Paul.

I pushed the mashed potatoes around my plate as Esme kept up the illusion that she wasn't watching me. The guilt was heightening, and my appetite wasn't the only thing that suffered. I gulped down more of my glass of water, willing the pounding in my head to subside, when I felt it coming on again. That feeling of floating, like my body was no more than an illusion as my mind drifted elsewhere. I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting it all to go away when a familiar scent hit me. It was welcoming and so missed that I found myself smiling involuntarily – gasoline and pine. Opening my eyes, I gasped sharply as I looked around myself. I was in Jake's garage, sitting on an upturned crate with an English textbook on my lap.

_What the hell?_

"Dammit, I am going to kick Em's ass for taking my stuff without asking," Jake grumbled.

I whirled round in shock at his voice – it no longer had the deep timbre he'd acquired since his wolfy growth spurt, and that wasn't the only thing that was different. He was shorter for one, with only about half the muscles he'd packed on in the last few months. More than that, my heart jumped as he turned to look at me – his hair, it was long and flowing past his shoulders, just like before he phased and had to be subject to Sam's attempts at hair care.

It was all so real I could practically taste the impending rain on the air.

"Can you see it, Bells? Maybe I'm not looking hard enough," he continued, bending down to look under the Rabbit for whatever he'd been complaining out.

"See what?" I stammered, not completely comprehending the question. I looked down at the notepad on my lap – January 23, 2006. _What? _I wasn't sure dreams went so far as to include dates; especially not inconsequential ones where all I did was hang out with Jake and do homework.

"My socket wrench. I swear it was here this morning," he said, frowning from his place on the ground. "I swear, those guys are more of a pain in my ass than anything. You know this one time, Quil got me detention for snapping a straight-edge on our history teacher's ass? She-"

"Thought it was you, and made you write an essay on the feminist movement and why women deserve respect," I said, finishing the story and frowning again at my notebook. Jake straightened up to look at me, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah... how'd you know that?" he said warily. I think he was worried I'd heard Quil's side of the story first.

"You told me," I replied, cocking my head in thought. Jake wrinkled his nose and jerked his head back in disbelief.

"Pretty sure I didn't, Bells. Don't tell me, you're some sort of psychic now? Cause I'll have to knock a year off your age for believing in that," he said. I looked away thoughtfully.

"You'd be surprised," I said, wondering how the hell this memory had managed to defer from the original – Jake had told me this story, but if the date was true, we hadn't been hanging out more than a few weeks. When would he have told me? And more importantly, why was it different the first time. Jake resumed his search as I got lost in my thoughts. This day had definitely happened, just not like it was now. It was almost as if my memory of it was changing the memory itself. I'd been deep in my Edward depression around this time, but right now, I felt nothing but nostalgia for this time with Jake, back before he didn't have to answer to Sam and he didn't know all my secrets. The noise of him moving his work bench brought me back to the moment, and something else came back into my mind.

"Hey Jake?" I said, looking behind myself at him.

"Yeah, Bells?" he said, still concentrating on the task.

"Check inside your book bag," I said. He frowned at me again, but followed the suggestion. A bright smile split his face as he held up the offending tool.

"Damn, maybe you are psychic," he said.

My whole body jerked forward, gasping for air as the pressure in my head reached boiling point. I opened my eyes suddenly, taking in the changed scene once again. I was on the Cullen's couch, lying down while four anxious pairs of golden eyes stared down at me. I blinked, wondering how the memory had been so vivid. I could still feel the indentation of the milk crate on the backs of my legs and butt. Edward took my hand, leaning in as he brushed a lock of hair out of my face.

"Bella, love, what happened?" he asked fearfully.

"I have no idea," I murmured.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, as you can see, another plot bunny hopped its way into my brain. You guys are probably sick of seeing my constant updates! Haha.****I had a suggestion from a couple of my reviewers that I write a Bella/Embry story following the Regression out-takes, and I said that if the right idea came along I'd be more than happy to. This is my first story with this pairing, and as you can see, it's going to be pretty angsty. But I do promise to balance it out with humour, and lots of delicious Pack life. I couldn't write a fic without it! There will be a few changes to canon which facilitates the plot, but nothing so major that it's really, really AU.**

**In case some of you haven't figured it out, I'm borrowing from several extra sources for this story, mainly The Butterfly Effect, and the British TV series, Misfits. This idea came to me really randomly, and it's going to be pretty complicated to execute so bear with me while I work out the kinks. I've tweaked the timeline of Eclipse a little too, giving it at least a week before Jacob found out about Bella and Edward's engagement. Hope you guys don't mind, as there will be a few more tweaks coming up. This chapter was pretty hard to write for a first – eugh, so much Cullens.**

**Regression is still ongoing, but it seems to be a pattern with me that once the story gets to the stage where it's all wrapping up nicely and I have no more twists and turns up my sleeve, I'm no longer as hyped to post. I do promise it will be finished, though – just like Not Your Type was.**

**Hope you guys liked the prologue and first chapter, and let me know what you thought!**


	2. Look My Way

****_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Suggested Listening: Eat You Alive by Limp Bizkit.**

* * *

**Chapter Two: Look My Way**

**Embry POV**

For the life of me, I couldn't figure it out. Okay, maybe on any other girl; the wealth, the immortality, the eternal youth is a factor – but not her. If anything, I would have expected her to choose a different guy, just to _prove_ that it means nothing to her. There are plenty of whiny, superficial girls around who I'm sure lusted after the Cullens for what they represented – but if they really knew what the Creepersons were hiding, wouldn't they run a mile? Maybe that was it – it was about tolerance. Bella Swan still won't dump your ass if she finds out you survive on draining the life out of living creatures, slowly and painfully. I felt like shaking her – did she really think anyone would look down on her for having a little self-preservation? Hell, we were monsters too, in all areas of classification. Why couldn't she shack up with one of us? Like Jake, or …someone else.

Fuck. Need to stop letting those thoughts slip through, especially when phased.

_Fuck yeah, you do. Jake will rip your throat out of he catches you crushing on Bella again._

I could picture the stern look he would be shooting me right now.

_Wow, thanks, Quil. Way to help keep my mind off of it._

_I'm just sayin', it was bad enough when he thought I wanted her, and we were human back then. What do you think he'd do now, when he's got super strength and you've got super healing?_

I shuddered at the mental images Quil was broadcasting my way. None of them ended well for me.

_Shit, you really don't think I'll put up much of a fight, do you?_

_When it's **you**, who sucks at fighting your friends anyway, against a would-be Alpha... and it concerns Bella Swan? Tell me, will I be needing a wolf-sized coffin or just a normal one? Any particular preference in goodbye songs? R. Kelly's 'The World's Greatest' is already taken for the dark day I shrug off this mortal coil, so no stealing._

I rolled my eyes. Only Quil would actually say something like that proudly – and without a hint of a joke.

_Modest, aren'tcha?_

_I try. It's hard to stay humble when the ladies are all about this._

_Yeah, I bet you're a big hit at the Barbie Beach House._

_Fuck you, Call._

I slowed down my paws, dragging out the last few minutes of semi-solitude before I knew everyone else would be scheduled to phase in, and practising again at building the wall around my thoughts. I was a private person anyway, why couldn't I turn that into something positive I could use since wolfing out?

Jake was already at the field with Sam, Bella and the leeches. Today was our fifth day of training this week. The Cullens had been surprisingly helpful to us, but everything inside me was screaming not to get too comfortable. I knew what they were, and my blood practically vibrated when they got too close. How the hell were we meant to trust them in battle? We'd been on two different sides of the same war for generations. I didn't even trust Edward in my head, never mind on my side of an army. How were we supposed to erase all of that for the sake of one human girl? Even if that girl _is_ Bella.

Alright, I guess that was my answer.

What kind of a fuck up did I have to be to feel this way? Even before I'd ever met Bella, she was all Jake could talk about, and here I was, resenting him for having feelings for her before me. They'd been close as kids, apparently, and he'd just about lost his shit when she moved back to town – and she was _hot. _I mean, want-to-fall-on-your-knees-and-pledge-your-undying-love-and-devotion _beautiful_. Well, that wasn't exactly the way Jake had put it, it had been more "she's the most beautiful girl I've ever met or will meet, and she's gonna be mine." It sounded like he was talking about a car – but that's just Jake. It must be the alpha-male personality type that has him being this possessive dick when it came to things he felt passionately about. I guess it was a good thing – it fuelled his anger, made him a better fighter, a stronger strategist; but that wasn't something that extended to women. Especially not one like Bella. Did he really think having pissing contests with Edward was going to win her over? I thought he'd finally get the hint when he'd forced her into a kiss and she'd socked him.

Bella deserved to be challenged, to have the options laid out for her and let her make her own decisions. She deserved to have her opinions accounted for, to be heard and given a valid vote when it came to her life and her safety, even if she was choosing wrong. She was smart enough to reach the right conclusion on her own, and shoving her into it would only cause her to pull harder in the other direction. She was stubborn as hell and fuck me if it wasn't a huge turn-on. It made me feel like a complete asshole, but even _I_ could tell Jake's behaviour was doing nothing but push her away. Thing was, I couldn't bring myself to tell _him_ that. He already got to spend all this time with her, touch her, be close to her and know her innermost thoughts, Was it so bad if I didn't want to give him even more of an edge?

Of course it was. This was my best friend, my brother in every sense of the word but blood (and maybe even that, too). I should want the best for Jake, and for him to get everything he wanted; and Jake wanted Bella.

Trouble was, I was pretty gut-wrenchingly sure that I did too.

See what I mean? Fucked up. Especially because Bella – you'll love this part - well, Bella barely knew I existed. I'm Jake's quiet, thoughtful friend. Comic relief in the Embry-Quil double act that she let herself get immersed in when her life was doing that fucked-up spiral it always did because she was dating a goddamn_ vampire._

_Seriously. Man, you need to cut that out before Jake phases back in, or even worse, **Paul.**_

_How is Paul worse? _

_He's already a pain in the ass, can you imagine if he had some sort of leverage over you? A little something to threaten your friendship with Jake with? Come on, Em, you can't be that naive. _

_I'm not, I guess I just failed to see how it would be worse than Jake finding out._

_Because Jake would kill you quickly. Paul would drag it out for weeks until you wanted to kill your**self**. Trust me._

_I am trusting you. You sure you'll be able to keep something like this from Jake?_

_It helps when I have Clairebear to think of. She takes up most of my time anyway, and he doesn't get suspicious when I start picturing her randomly. Besides I'm trusting you, too._

_I know. _

I mentally sighed as the guilt rose like acid in my throat, feeling the judgement roll off Quil in waves.

_I mean it, Quil. It's just a stupid crush, I'll be over it in a few weeks. It's because I'm phased with Jake so much – his obsession's rubbing off on me._

_So long as you're sure that's all it using that wall-thing. It seems to work somewhat. And hurry up and get over it._

_I swear. This time next year, Bella Swan will be nothing but a distant memory. Hardly blip on my radar. Some chick who became a leech and moved away._

_If you say so._

_I do._

And if I said it enough times, I might actually believe it myself.

* * *

God, it was like the world's worst diplomatic meeting. Jake was still human, standing beside Sam as his posture screamed mistrust. Edward had a possessive hand on Bella's shoulder while she looked like she was slowly being torn in half by the two of them. Part of me wanted to phase out and drag her off somewhere – she already had enough going on without those two staring each other down like opponents on some crappy cable wrestling show. I was surprised the doctor leech wasn't wearing a referee costume and holding his hands out to keep them apart. It was starting to get embarrassing; I mean, Jake I can understand. It's his personality, his need to protect, his feelings for Bella and the fact that he's still a kid – we all were. Our emotions would be ruling us anyway, even if we weren't pumped full of ten times the normal dose of hormones and our temperatures ran hotter than someone dying of a fever. Add that to the wild animal barely being controlled inside us and it's forgiveable to be a little fiery. But Edward? Come on, he's what, 120? Hasn't he had enough time to rise above it? Maybe it's a testament to Jake's ability to goad him more than it was a shortfall on the vampire's part. Whatever it was, it had gotten old, weeks ago.

I couldn't phase out, though. I was just going to sit here on my haunches and watch, like a good little soldier because we'd been ordered to stay wolf around the Cullens unless given permission. So I let it go on and I pretended it didn't get to me, because that's what subordinates do. I needed to learn my place – and it wasn't beside Bella.

Sam's head jerked towards Quil and me, his eyes narrowing in question as we trotted out from our place in the trees, no longer silently observing the action.

_Shit._

_Not you too, Call._

_No. She's my friend. Don't like seeing my friends suffer is all._

I knew he didn't believe me, but I could tell he was either too weary or too overwhelmed to allow my sick twist in the story to muddy the barely-transparent waters. Mine was just one more headache Sam couldn't handle. I felt his desire for the umpteenth time that Jake would relieve him. He just wanted to be out of this so he could stay home with Emily and report in only when really needed.

_Keep it that way, Embry._

_Yes, sir._

Bella looked right at me, and my heart skipped a beat, and once again I loathed myself. Why was I letting this grow? She was too good for me, way out of my league and I wasn't even figuring in this love-triangle she'd created. I was used to girls shooting me down – you don't grow up as the outcast on a tiny reservation and spend your time beating off girls with a stick – but the thing was, it wasn't Bella who made me feel unworthy. It was me – _I_ knew she deserved better. Hell, I knew_ I _was better than the leech, but, despite all his misguided attempts at saving her from a life of blood and stone, I wasn't better than Jake. Maybe it made me feel better to criticise him internally when it came to Bella, but in truth, he's the best guy I know. He always would be, and if I was honest with myself, no-one deserved her more than he did, and I hated it; I hated that this was all I could think about anymore. I had to keep this shit together or everyone would find out, and if I wasn't dead I'd be humiliated, and there'd be two heartbroken wolves moping around the Olympic Forest instead of one. If I just ignored this long enough, I could get over it.

_Yeah, right._

I honestly didn't know if Quil had said that, or it had been me. I wasn't getting time to think about it though, because two things happened at once. First, the rest of The Pack phased in, getting the run-down of Jacob and Edward's staring contest from Sam. Then – and this is where it gets weird (unless vampires and werewolves wasn't weird enough for you) – Bella collapsed, and Edward full-on freaked. The doctor-leech was checking Bella's vital signs, and I found myself edging closer of my own accord. It wasn't my fault – I just wanted to hear a heartbeat, a little reassurance.

_Bella is my friend. I can be concerned over a friend..._

_Yeah, right._

Okay, that one was definitely me.

_Quit jabbering to yourself, Call._

_Mind your own business, Lahote._

_Jesus Christ, can you guys can it for a second? What the hell's wrong with Bella now?_

_Sorry, Sam._

_Yeah, Sorry._

We concentrated on the image filtering through the pack mind, through Sam's eyes. Bella had gone limp; a thin sheen of perspiration coating her skin as her brow furrowed, and her breathing became shallow. It looked for all the world like she was close to death, but this had happened in the space of a few seconds, and nothing had physically happened to her.

"What the fuck is happening to her, leech?" Jake snarled, moving forward to cup Bella's ashen face in his huge hand.

"It's – she's... this is something that's been happening lately, we're running tests, it's probably nothing."

It's amazing how even when we knew someone as little as we did Edward Cullen, the lie was blatantly written across his face. There was something seriously up with Bella, and one look from Jake's pained gaze and I knew he was thinking the same thing. This was scary as hell. How much more was going to go wrong for this girl; this simple human who had been plunged head-first into a world that had no business with her?

I felt everything from concern (Quil, Brady, Collin and Seth) to dismay (Paul, Sam, Jared) to outright jealousy (Leah) in those few short moments. Sometimes, it's hard to decipher which feelings are even your own.

_Fucking great. She must have felt the attentions slipping off of her for a split second._

_Quiet, Leah._

_Fuck you, Sam. I told you, orders are only allowed when we're facing off with a leech. Any other time and you can suck my non-existent balls._

The rest of us mentally sighed, and Quil wondered if there would ever be a point where everything didn't feel like a damn soap opera.

As quick as it had happened, Bella was back with us, her body doubling up on itself as her chin rose to meet her knees. Jake ran a hand through her hair lovingly, and I really don't know if I hated him or myself more for how that made me feel.

Her eyes were wide and searching, and I froze in my movements as they locked on me, something in my presence sending her into deep thought. Had I been the cause of this... episode? Was it something to do with seeing me that had made her lose consciousness for over five minutes? Her tiny, delicate hand absently reached out for Jacob, as her eyes stayed locked on me. I wasn't sure what to do; look away, come closer, run off?

I didn't even know why she was looking at me this way. She never had before. Believe me, I know.

"Jake... the day," she gulped, squeezing her eyes shut. When she opened them, they were looking back up at his face, and I seemed to regain control of my paws. "The day you finished the bikes."

Jake frowned, shooting a look at Edward which was returned with a sense of sadness. Clearly, whatever was coming was going to be uncomfortable to hear for him. Maybe it was just the realisation that she'd actually had a life after he'd dropped her like a hot stone?

"What about it, Bells?" Jake said, taking her hand.

"When we saw Embry cliff-diving," her eyes were on me again, "You told me you were scared. You thought Sam had brainwashed him, and that you'd be next. What did I say to you?"

There was a note of pleading in her voice that made my fur bristle, but this had been a day Jacob re-lived many times. Bella had told him he was 'sort of beautiful' that day, pretty much making his year, but before then... wait, it was becoming hazy, like a dream that was slipping away moments after waking. Jake was feeling the same as I was, I knew by the look on his face and his scrunched-up expression.

"You said," he began, concentrating deeply before letting out a breath. "You said I wasn't ready to find out yet, but that when the time came, to remember that you'd be here for me, and that I could tell you anything." He finished with a sigh of relief, as if the memory alone had taken some energy out of him.

I shuddered. There was something wrong here – like that one thing you've forgotten but can't pinpoint, or a word that's on the tip of your tongue. The French have an expression for it: _Presque vu_, or 'almost seen'. It was frustrating, and I knew something was up, but I just couldn't quite _reach_ it. Jacob's memory of that day was off, I just knew it... but I didn't know what the real one was.

As soon as I registered what the feeling was, it was gone. I couldn't remember why I was so uncomfortable, I just _was._

Bella sucked in a sharp breath and looked at Edward, as the Pixie leech came over and fussed around her. "It's changed... that's not how it was, the first time, I mean," Bella croaked.

"Alright you boys, give Bella some breathing room. That's probably why she fainted in the first place," Alice breezed, giving Bella a subtle smile. Jake obediently moved back, but went to his full height to eye Edward and the doctor more closely.

"What are you hiding?" he ground out, trying desperately to keep a reign on his temper.

"Jake, stop, it's nothing. I've been fainting lately, it's stress, Nothing that won't go back to normal once Victoria's gone," Bella soothed. It wasn't working, and Edward squared up to whatever thoughts Jake was screaming at him.

"It's all very convenient to blame me, _Dog_, but the other common factor in this has been you and your pack of mutts," he spat with such venom, I'm surprised Jake's skin hadn't started melting off.

"I have a right to know when my best friend's blacking out, and believe me, if anything's bad for her health, it's you filthy bloodsuckers."

They were nose-to-nose now, and Sam was barking orders at Jacob to stand down. For the second time that day, I reminded myself that I am a subordinate, that I must follow orders. I must never disobey my alpha. It is not my job to protect Bella Swan. I still couldn't phase out, and hated everything as the first tears fell from Bella's eyes.

_Fuck this. _

I ran right up to the raised voices and tugged Jake's shorts roughly, hearing a slight rip. I didn't care. I had to get his attention. He tore his angry gaze away from Edward just enough to look at me, as I jerked my snout towards Bella. She looked on, fascinated as I lowered my head towards her face and let out a soft whine. A watery grin was my reward as her soft hand came out to caress my muzzle, and she laughed softly as a puff of my breath twirled her hair about her heart-shaped face. Jake's expression softened, his heart warmed by the sight of Bella interacting with one of his brothers – a wolf – and barely batting an eyelash. Edward was restrained by the bear-Cullen long enough to realise I didn't pose a threat, and that was the last I saw as I closed my eyes, feeling Bella's gentle scratching behind my ears. I breathed in her scent, imagined a wall around my thoughts, and recalled my earlier mantra.

_I must listen to my Alpha. Jacob is my best friend. I can't let things get to me personally. I need to learn to be a good subordinates. I have to know my place, and it is not beside Bella._

I opened one I and looked at her, her hair falling around her shoulders, cheeks tinged pink with emotion and embarrassment. She smelled deliciously feminine and sweet and so brilliantly human, and I closed my eyes to breathe her in again, wondering if this was torture or pleasure, because right now, they both felt one in the same.

_I have to know my place. It is **not **beside Bella._

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**A/N: Sorry that I've not been my normal, chapter-a-day self with this one, but its an extremely complicated plotline, and if I mess it up, it's going to make no sense!**

**Hope you liked my take on Embry. He's very conflicted but sweet with a serious inferiority complex. Seemed plausible to me. Hope I have some Embry fans among you, and if not, I hope to make some. :)**

**Thoughts?**


	3. Backwards in the Fog

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Suggested Listening: Doesn't Remind Me by Audioslave.**

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**Chapter Three: Backwards In The Fog**

**Bella POV**

"Just tell me, Edward," I sighed. "I know that look. You're keeping something quiet. You think you're protecting me, but you're not."

I couldn't look at him anymore. The frustration was getting to me and I hated being mad at him, but I knew that one glance would crack my resolve. Not this time. I pulled loose threads from the bedding as I trained my eyes downwards, trying not to think about how Charlie had bought it for me, and I'd soon be saying goodbye to Charlie, or about how I wouldn't have to sleep any more anyway.

"You said Carlisle would have some theories for me by Tuesday, well it's now Wednesday, and you've been avoiding me."

"I assure you, Bella, I have not been avoiding you. I simply needed to be sure of the facts before I said something wrong and frightened you."

"Yeah well, it sure feels like it," I grumbled, feeling our age difference acutely.

It was childish, sure, but didn't I have a right to know what was happening to me? Edward's distance was adding to my anxiety, and I couldn't take my usual routes for comfort. Jake had all but cut me out since my collapse at training yesterday. He pleaded with me to tell him what was happening, again and again and hadn't bought it when I insisted that I was anaemic or was coming down with the 'flu. It was both frustrating and comforting to know that Jacob Black could see right into my head with one look at my face. It's a talent I was still grateful my fiancé didn't possess.

Edward was right about one thing, though. Whatever was going on with my black-outs, Jake was the common denominator. The last two had featured him in a starring role, and a part of me wondered if it was the messed-up situation between us that was bringing it on. Was my friendship with Jacob, or rather, my regret at the breakdown of that friendship, the cause of my vivid tours down memory lane? Worse still, was I somehow really changing our history? Honestly, I didn't know what was real anymore. Part of me theorised that I'd somehow messed up my memories with one-too-many bumps to the head. Maybe I was just recalling things incorrectly and the blackouts were my brain's way of rectifying it, but if that was the case, why did everything feel so... off after I came round? And why could I still recall the original sequence of events?

Yesterday, seeing Embry had brought me back to the time before Jake had phased, when he and Quil were convinced Embry had ditched them to become part of Sam's cult. I looked around the field, seeing the impact of Edward's and my relationship on the people in my life. They were all there to protect me, pledging their lives against an unmatched foe in the hopes that we'd scrape by unharmed. The Cullen's presence in Forks had kicked the dormant gene in those mere teenagers into action. If Jake or even Embry hadn't been in possession of that, who knows where their friendship would be right now; probably still distant and separated with no way of reconciling. Slipping back to that day, my heart throbbed painfully at the look of betrayal and sadness in Jake's eyes as he watched his friend with the others. How was he to know that Embry was protecting him? At least this time I was armed with the knowledge that could comfort Jake, even though I had no way of explaining how I knew. Vagueness was my crutch, so I simply told Jake that when it was time for him to learn the truth, I'd be there. The thing was, events after that had played out much the same way, save for a short encounter with Embry five days later in the Reservation store.

_He had been standing at the counter, waiting to pay for quite a large batch of food when I wandered in, hoping to find something easy and filling to placate Jake's slowly increasing appetite. I'd left Jake back at his house, pretending to be interested in his math homework. I knew he was just humouring me until we could go out looking for the meadow._

_Embry's eyes averted upon seeing me, and he cleared his throat roughly in an effort to bring Joy Ateara's attention back to the task in hand and not the phone conversation she was deeply embroiled in. I picked up a large bag of pasta and some chicken cutlets, taking my place in line behind him. He gave me his back and sighed deeply, the newly-defined muscles in his shoulders rippling beneath his skin. He was _tall_ now. I barely came up to his shoulder blade._

_I couldn't remember _how_ I knew that Embry wasn't involved in anything bad, or even what it was that he was involved in at that moment, but something inside me wanted him to understand that I didn't think badly of him anymore. After seeing him when I was with Jake yesterday, I knew that everything would become clear soon – but the haze in my mind wouldn't allow me to recall why, or what his secret, or _their_ secret was. Instinct told me the choice was out of Embry's hands._

"_Hey, Embry," I said, quietly._

_I remember being slightly surprised that he'd heard me over the excited chatter from behind the cash register. He stiffened, his head turning ever-so-slightly to the side for a beat. His shoulders slumped in defeat and he turned to face me, an expression of sorrow on his features that he soon trained into that patented half-smile._

"_What's up, Bella?" he said, before a slight frown creased his brow. "Did you hurt yourself?"_

How the hell did he know that?

"_Uh, it's just a little bump," I said, pressing my fingers into the stitches on my scalp gingerly. "Jake finished the bikes so we brought 'em out for a test run."_

"_Wow, already?" he said with genuine interest. "Last time I saw 'em, they were barely bike-shaped," he grinned, and I noticed again how his face had lost the soft edges of boyhood. Embry was a man now, but this wasn't your normal growth-spurt. Once again I dismissed the rumours of drugs – Embry wasn't mixed up in something bad. I just knew it._

"_Well, yeah, but that was well over a week ago," I reminded, instantly regretting it as his face fell. My voice was softer then. "Jake misses you, you know."_

_He looked away again and nodded slightly. "I miss him, too. Can you tell him that? And Quil?" he said hopefully, looking once again like the nervous kid I'd met last month. Suddenly, his head jerked towards the door and his posture stiffened once again, and his face regained the now all-too-familiar hardness. "Actually, no. Don't do that. Just tell them I'm sorry things aren't different."_

_He moved to walk towards the exit when I called after him. I could see the approaching figure of who I'd later find out was Jared Cameron through the glass door. "Nobody's mad at you, Em, so there's no need to apologise. I'm sure they'll understand when they find out. You're all too close to stay split up for long."_

_He froze at the doorway, his shoulders rising and falling with laboured breaths, but he didn't say a word before he opened the door and left._

Things were different between Embry and I after that day. He'd always just been an acquaintance, a friend-of-a-friend that I hung out with in groups and shared a joke or two with - when I was in the mood to joke, that is – but since the time I talked to him at the store, there was a quiet understanding between the two of us. Even when he was stuck in rank with Sam, and Jake was shooting them daggers with his eyes, Embry always had a soft smile for me or a quiet greeting.

The day I smacked Paul in the face, thinking all my instincts about Sam's 'gang' being a force for good were wrong, Embry had been the one to take me to Emily's house and to introduce me to her while Sam and Jared diffused the situation between Jake and the hot-headed Paul. He even hugged me tightly, whispering 'you were right, Bella' in a private moment before the rest of the pack descended to destroy the perfect kitchen. I found out later that Embry's mother didn't know his secret. In the same week he'd lost his two best friends and had been fighting constantly with his sole parent and my words had been the one source of comfort for him. It was easy to see why he was grateful, and I tried not to get too embarrassed when he mockingly challenged Jake for his status as my best friend.

"_I may not beat you out of Beta, but I think Bella's sure to get sick of listening to your Simpsons impressions and washing motor oil out of her hair."_

The thing was, I could now remember two scenarios, the first one being where I hadn't seen Embry again until after Jake phased. Jake had been too worked up by Embry's absence to study and eat before we went hiking for the meadow, and we'd just left straight after I arrived at his house. I'd never gone to the store, never talked to Embry and never offered him comfort. The second scenario was where Jake had been mollified by my words as we watched Sam's gang cliff-dive, so he was able to have dinner and start on his homework before we went out hiking for the evening. Everything had changed from here. I was unsettled and confused, and was genuinely wondering if I was going crazy; I only knew which scenario was real because of Embry's concern for me yesterday. I couldn't see a simple acquaintance getting any closer to vampires in his wolf-form than was necessary without landing a few fatal bites, but other than that, each memory was as real as the other. It was starting to make me queasy, and I decided to keep my musings to myself until after Edward presented me with his own theories.

He sighed again, looking towards the window where the sun was beginning to set. "Alice was the biggest clue," he said, as if starting in the middle of a story. He turned to look at me again, and I forgot myself and met his gaze. "She's finding it increasingly difficult to be around you."

I was confused, but too interested in what the hell he was talking about to interrupt.

"She says that when she's with the rest of us – apart from the wolves, of course – she gets flickers, glimpses of our timelines. Things that will happen in the immediate or distant future. It's not usually something which infringes upon her concentration much, but you-" he sighed again. It seemed like he was afraid of insulting me. I was just afraid.

"'But I', what?" I asked, getting impatient with the half-sentences. For someone as eloquent as Edward, this was definitely throwing up a red flag.

"Your future is a blur. It isn't blank, like the wolves are, but it's like everything is changing at once. Once something gets established, it changes again – and it's not even down to your decisions. We think it's connected to the black-outs. Carlisle's tests only reinforced the suspicion."

"What did he find?" I asked, berating my voice for faltering. I needed to know this, and I didn't need him protecting me. I laid my hand on his colder one, fighting for his attention. Maybe I could dazzle him, too? He looked at me a long moment before squeezing his eyes shut. He covered my hand with his own and gritted his teeth.

"Venom. In your blood. Mere traces of it, but it's there."

I was speechless and it felt like my insides were itching, like I had an uncleanliness that no amount of bathing could fix.

"James?" I croaked, moving to stand and pace the room while fighting the urge to strip my clothes off and roll around on the carpeting. My skin was _crawling_. I looked out the window, noting that no wolf was on patrol while Edward was here. Would they want to hunt_ me_ down now, too? Would I soon become a newborn?

I ignored the flash of fear and disgust that ran through me at the thought of turning into a vampire. This is what I wanted, my destiny, right? It's not meant to feel this _wrong. _I levelled my breathing as Edward ran a hand through his hair.

"Yes, most likely. Or it could be mine – from when I-"

He _still_ couldn't admit to drinking from me. "Saved my life?" I said, enunciating the words. How could he feel guilty for this? I obliquely realised the itching subsided at the thought of Edward's venom being the poison in my veins. That was better. Edward made everything better.

"Yes. That," he said, cringing again. " Anyway, we think that your blackouts – the memories, and how you say you feel like things are changing... maybe you're right."

"Right about what? Changing things?" I sat down on the edge of the bed again. "How could that be possible? I mean... I figured it was just messed up memories. My brain's rewired itself." I twirled a forefinger into my temple and raised an eyebrow.

"If that were the case, the rest of us wouldn't notice anything, but Bella... every time you come round, there's this sense of..." his mouth twisted sharply, "...unease. It's like forgetting something important. If it was just your mind, why would any of us feel that?"

I didn't have an answer for him. He continued on quietly.

"We think that the venom... it's been allowed time to awaken something in you. You're well aware that some of my kind have special abilities, right?" he said. I nodded dumbly, almost afraid of where he was going with this. "I think this is yours. Most people don't live through a vampire bite, Bella. Maybe the venom has given you your abilities without the ultimate price."

I frowned contemplatively. "The ability to what, remember?" I joked. This really wasn't funny. I inwardly blamed Jake for using humour to diffuse tension. Edward shook his head.

"The ability to step into your memories. The ability to change them into something else, and ultimately, change the past."

"Like what, time manipulation?" I said disbelievingly. I knew by the look on his face, he wasn't lying.

"Precisely."

Reeling, I turned away from him again and studied my hands. Could it be true? Was I finally not useless in the war to save my life? Maybe I could warn Edward and Jacob about Victoria? Maybe I could tell Edward that she was coming for me before he left me? _No _– that would sacrifice my friendship with Jake.

_He's better off without you._

That thought was nothing new with me these days, but I sighed. I was still too selfish to deprive my short human life of Jacob Black.

"Don't even think about it, Bella," he said, cutting into my thoughts. I whirled round to see the stern look he was giving me. "Love, I know that right now you're thinking of how to use this as an advantage, but I beg you – don't do it. You don't know what you could change by doing this. We're talking about a form of time travel here. Opening windows to past events. You could end up getting hurt."

I avoided his gaze sheepishly until his phone started to ring, the shrill tone cutting through the air and breaking my concentration just as I felt the now-familiar throbbing regret that came before a black-out. The conversation as short and clipped and his eyes were grave when he hung up the phone.

"It was Alice. They'll be here in two days."

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**A/N: Phew. You have no idea how much fact-checking goes into this. I'm used to doing post-series stories which exclude Breaking Fail and have the luxury of making up my own timelines, but this. Wow. Hope the pacing is okay for you, and everything to do with Bella's power is a little clearer.**

**She's already changing things and she hasn't even realised, and has made a certain shy wolf fall for her as a result of that day in the Res store.**

**I'm trying to get rid of Edward, believe me. I hate writing him unless he's a good friend of Bella's, and I hate writing her when she's with him. We need to make her a wolf girl ASAP.**

**Let me know what you think!**


	4. Failure

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Four: Failure**

"Since when have you decided to cut me out of your life?"

We'd made it a whole three minutes before the thoughtful silence was broken. His eyes were hard, and he stared straight ahead with a clenched jaw. Even now, in his frustration, he held me as if I was made of glass, like I was the most precious thing in his life; but then again, he'd never made a secret of the fact that that's how he felt about me. I sighed heavily and rested my head on his warm shoulder, revelling in the slightly unfamiliar sensation of heat and pliability. I should have known that Jake would use the excuse of carrying me to the mountain-top to bombard me with questions. It was the first time we'd been alone in days.

"Don't I deserve to know what's going on with you? Once upon a time we told each other everything, Bells." He looked down at me with earnest eyes. "Once upon a time we didn't even need to tell each other everything. I could see right into you. But now..."

His gaze narrowed as he studied me, looking at me like I was a stranger he had yet to place. I closed my eyes and willed away the regret; I didn't need another black-out while Jake was holding me, and all I'd figured out about this ability so far was that my guilt seemed to fuel the power. My head ached from the three hours I'd spent that afternoon, sat cross-legged on my bed trying to figure the inner-workings of my new talents out. There was only one trigger – regret. Once I started thinking about Jake or Charlie or Mom, or all the people I'd be leaving behind once I married Edward and became a real Cullen, the whooshing in my ears began and I'd start slipping out of consciousness. It was frustrating, though. The very moment I'd realise that it was actually working, the more excitement and pride would surface, the less guilt I'd feel and it would pull me back to the present. I was just going in circles and eventually I'd given up when Charlie came home and asked when I'd taken up yoga.

The guilt bubbled up again as I avoided Jake's dark eyes. If there was one person on the entire planet I wanted to talk about this with, he was holding me in his arms right that moment. Jake would know what to do. He'd help me figure it out and get a handle on it, not forbid me and leave me with ultimatums like Edward had. I could almost picture Jake sending me back to the past to tell him something creepy that pertained to our present, or to tell Quil something we couldn't have possibly known at the time, just to freak him out. It would be a game, if I could tell Jake. But I couldn't. I was _still _hurting him, and I knew that one word about my new-found abilities, or where they'd actually come from and his rage would be insurmountable. The Pack didn't need a war with the Cullens, and I couldn't handle giving the men in my life an actual reason to tear each other apart.

"Jake, for the last time. I'm not hiding anything. I'm just sick, or whatever."

"Bullshit."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I can hear your heart speed up every time you lie, Bells. I can see the blush threatening your cheeks. You smell fine, as amazing as ever-" He paused to rest his nose on the crown of my head. "If you were sick, believe me, I'd know," he croaked.

The familiarity of the situation wasn't lost on me; this was a story that had played out with us before, when Jake was the one going through the changes and lying to me for my own protection. It was the only thing that made me hopeful that one day he'd understand, but I didn't have a Sma ordering me to keep quiet. It was my choice to cut Jake out. It was my fault – again – that we were crumbling. I bargained with myself that there was still time to resolve this before the wedding. If the battle went our way – and that was a huge _if_, then I'd come clean. I'd tell Jacob the whole story from start to finish. He'd be a little mad, maybe snarl a little and storm out, but he'd come back. He always came back. We always came back to each other in the end.

_Not when you're a vampire._

I bit my lip sharply in an effort to distract myself from the mutinous thoughts I was having. Why had everything seemed so black and white before, but it was now more grey than anything? I'd made my decision. I refused to let myself think that the real reason I hadn't announced my engagement was that it would make everything all the more real. I refused to think that Jake would have a whole new set of arguments against my plans, and that maybe, this time, there was a part of me that wanted to listen. Why else would my conscience be punching holes on reality, in _my life_ if it wasn't screaming for attention.

There was no sound but his footfalls on the forest floor for several beats. His hot breath fanned out over my hairline, and a barely audible whine escaped from his throat. I clenched my eyes shut, willing back the guilty tears. Why did this have to be so hard on him? What good was Jacob's love for me when all it seemed to bring him was pain and frustration? Maybe in another life, we could just be friends. Maybe Jake wouldn't have to hurt this much and maybe he'd accept my decisions without the cloud of jealousy polluting his sunny demeanour. If Jacob didn't love me, he wouldn't be in so much danger right now.

"I know your scents and reactions better than anyone, and I know when I'm being lied to." His grip shifted underneath me as he readjusted me in his arms. "You can try to fool me all you want, Bells, but it's not going to work, not with me."

I buried my nose in his chest, trying to ignore the whooshing sound as it descended around me. There was no way I would be able to stop this, now. My heart was aching for Jacob and our friendship and everything I was doing to harm it. The guilt was eating me alive and I felt reality slip away as Jake's panicked voice echoed in my ears.

I swerved the truck as my consciousness caught up; there should probably be some safety clause with this thing about not time-jumping while driving. The road was instantly recognizable, and there was only one destination I could have been headed toward. My suspicions were confirmed when I passed the _Welcome to La Push_ sign. Jacob was waiting for me when I reached the little red house. Gangly, clumsy, pre-phase Jake. He was getting close, though. I could see the outline of his pectorals through the thin shirt already. It can't have been more than a week away; which made this-

"Happy Valentines Day."

Jacob's shy, unsure smile was a painful reminder of just how young he was. Sometimes, looking at him in my timeline, the way his body had matured, his face had aged, it was easy to forget that he was just a kid. Jake needed protecting, too. The sight of the small, pink box of conversation hearts brought everything flooding back. This was the moment I realised that Jacob's feelings for me ran deeper than friendship. It was the moment I should have nipped this whole thing in the bud and and been a true friend. Maybe now, I could be _his_ protector.

"Well, I feel like a schmuck," I mumbled. "Is today Valentine's Day?"

The withering look he gave me was all too familiar now. He still shot me that one when I defended Edward, or when I was saying something he couldn't believe I actually felt.

"You can be so out of it sometimes. Yes, it is the fourteenth day of February. So are you going to be my Valentine? Since you didn't get me a fifty-cent box of candy, it's the least you can do."

This was my chance. I hadn't done this properly the first time, and now, somewhere in the future, Jake was about to lay down his life in place of my own. It wasn't fair. It wasn't his fight and every fibre in me wanted to stop it from happening.

_Say no. Tell him you hate Valentines Day. Say you already have a Valentine. Anything!_

The hopeful, expectant look on his face was my undoing. I opened my mouth to shoot him down, but the words wouldn't come out. Even if it meant possibly saving his life, I just couldn't take this away from Jacob.

_You mean you can't take this away from _you._ You can't take _him _away._

"What exactly does that entail?" I heard myself saying.

_No! Stop! This is exactly how it happened the first time... what are you doing?_

"The usual – slave for life, that kind of thing."

"Oh, well, if that's all…"

I took the candy. I took it and I kept it and I failed. Why did I keep failing him?

Reality seeped back in with the sound of Jake's insistent calling of my name. Nothing had changed; I'd had the chance and done nothing. Jacob was still blurring that boundary between friendship and love and I was still letting him because I was weak and I couldn't face coming back to a present where he wasn't such a huge part of me.

I realised that in Jake's panic, he had doubled his speed and reached the campsite a lot quicker than we'd anticipated. Edward's surprised look told me that much, but I couldn't tell what Jake's expression portrayed. I couldn't look at him.

He planted me softly on the ground and shoved his hands in his cut-offs. I felt his stare boring into my hairline, but couldn't find it in me to speak. I felt like such an ineffectual ass. What good was giving this power to someone like me if I didn't have the guts to use it, not even if it meant saving my best friend? Silence hung in the air as Edward's arms fell from my sides.

"Still going to tell me that was nothing?" Jake snapped. The edge to his voice gave me a shudder that had little to do with the unseasonal cold. I looked off into the distance, giving the illusion that I was exploring my home for the night. He saw right rough me and snorted. "Alright, well, I was going to stay here and stand guard for the night, but the stench of bullshit mixed with leech is kind of making it hard to breathe. Seth will be along in a while. Try to dress warm. I doubt your boyfriend will be much help in that department."

Before I could even answer, he was gone.

* * *

******A/N: I toyed with the idea of using this to resolve the Bella/Jake element to the story, but decided it was a little too easy. Besides, how could she willingly give him up?**

******These updates are pretty short but I'm getting over a mammoth bout of writer's block and a routine change which has left little time for this. Hopefully things will become a little more like normal now, though.**

******Let me know what you thought. :)**


	5. Ramifications

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Song used is Sorry About That by Alkaline Trio. :(**

* * *

_And maybe I just set aside,__  
__The fact that you were broken-hearted,__  
__In my own special selfish way.__  
__And if I hadn't set aside,__  
__The fact that you were broken-hearted,__  
__Hell knows where your heart would be today,__  
__Maybe with me._

**Chapter Five: Ramifications**

I never truly appreciated the phrase "freezing to death" until that night. Edward hugged his knees awkwardly in the opposite corner of the tent, giving my quivering form pained glances as I willed my teeth to stop chattering. It wasn't just numbness, it was this bitter, painful chill that just seemed to be getting worse and worse as time went on. Through the wind battering the sides of the tent, the low, mournful howl of Seth's wolf could be heard. A rumble of guilt echoed in my stomach that he was outside in such a blizzard – he was still just a kid, after all. Periodically, Edward cast a glance towards the entrance and frowned. I had no idea what was silently being relayed between them, but the look on Edward's face told me that it wasn't to his liking.

"W-what-ss Wr-rong?" I said, attempting to clench my jaw in an effort to stop the now painful chattering. I felt like I was being stabbed all over by tiny needles, and wondered exactly what the first signs of frostbite were. More than anything, I wished Edward could take me in his arms and dull the pain, but I knew better than to expect comfort from his embrace. If anything, cuddling up to my fiance would only exacerbate the problem.

"Doesn't he think I know that? Tell him it's none of his concern!" Edward snapped, and a small whimper came as the reply. I got the feeling that Seth's mind wasn't the only one he was reading – Jake must have been phased too.

"Eh-Edward," I warned. "P-please don't f-fight."

He gave me a remorseful look and held out his hand to caress my cheek, before thinking better of it.

"I'm sorry, love, but the dog is being impossible. He suggested I take you back to your house – I just know you wouldn't hear of it, but he's blaming me."

"J-Jake is?" I said, getting more than a little embarrassed by the sound of my whimpering.

"He's keeping an eye on things through Seth., taking his foul mood out on us and saying that I can't care for you properly," he grumbled. His head jerked away again, in the direction of where I assumed Seth's wolf was. A long pause was filled only with the howling storm before Edward raised a brow, curling his mouth on one side thoughtfully. "That's about the first useful suggestion you've had all evening..." That was directed towards our temporary guard-dog, or more accurately Jacob, not me.

"Wh-hats going on?" I asked, getting frustrated by the one-sided conversation they were having, especially since it was about yours truly. Edward let out a sigh and shuffled further away from the opening.

"Jacob has asked Seth to be your own personal heating-pad. Normally I wouldn't agree, but desperate times..." he said morosely. I knew this had to be difficult for him – Edward wasn't accustomed to feeling useless.

Amazingly, the situation I was in left no room for embarrassment. I was just thankful that it had been sweet, innocent Seth Clearwater who was edging his large muzzle into the spacious tent – who knows how awkward it would have been had someone else been guarding us. He was the only wolf Edward seemed to truly like, and he entered as cautiously and respectfully as his large limbs allowed. His intelligent brown eyes looked at me sheepishly as he edged in, and for a second I wondered how he would even fit, until his flank curled round the corner of the canvas. Seth was one of the packs smallest members, after all. Without invitation. I buried my nose in his fur, desperately absorbing any warmth his body was giving out and curling my stiff fingers in the tendrils closest to my face. He was like a huge down comforter but even more inviting. Once my voice didn't sound like a badly-tuned radio station, I whispered my thanks. Seth grunted softly in return.

"He says you're welcome, but your fingers are bony," Edward translated with a soft smirk. Seth lifted his head suddenly and whined – I don't think I was meant to know the 'bony' part. If wolves could blush, I think I would have witnessed it first hand. It would have matched my own.

"Sorry, Seth. I'm getting pretty numb all over, I guess I didn't realise how tight I was holding on to you."

We stayed in companionable silence for some minutes after that, my body slowly coming back to a safe temperature while the sound of a massive canine heartbeat rhythmically spread calm throughout my body. Edward laughed softly, capturing my attention, but his was focused on Seth.

"Yes, she does smell good. Keep your paws to yourself, though, pup," he said.

It was kind of amazing the contrast between his relationship with Seth and his one with Jake. Did Edward actually see Jake as a threat? Is that why he was so uncomfortable with his feelings for me? The thought was ridiculous. I was committed to Edward, one hundred percent. Sure, I'd been having chills in my feet about becoming a vampire, and about leaving my family and friends behind, but that was just what any sane person would do – it was nothing to do with my relationship with him. Jake and I were friends.

Seth sniffled softly, a large paw moving to cover his head as his ears flattened. I looked at him questioningly, wondering what had happened to gauge such a reaction.

"Jacob's giving him the same speech. Seems I'm not the only one jealous of Seth right now," Edward said tightly. I squirmed in discomfort and contemplated moving away from my life-size teddy-bear, but the rush of cold air between us had me thinking better of it. Surviving the night somehow took precedence over placating the werewolf-vampire pissing contest that was raging on around me. Edward met my eyes and gave me a reassuring smile.

"Stop worrying. It's not your fault the dog's been snapping. Probably has fleas," Edward jibed. I could feel Seth wince beside me and decided that for once, I didn't want Jacob's thoughts translated. I could pretty much imagine what he was thinking. "Do you think you're warm enough to sleep, love?"

I nodded softly into Seth's ribs. Truth was, my eyes had begun feeling heavy the moment I snuggled into the puppy-soft, sandy fur – it was only my anxiety keeping me alert, and the unease that came with Jacob's anger towards me. Finally, I felt the darkness of sleep enveloping me, making the feat of tuning out the angry storm outside slightly easier, but only just. I was on the precipice of sleep when I felt a cool hand thread through my hair.

"Don't worry, love. I promise that I'll take you somewhere warm for the honeymoon."

I was too dazed to realise the damage that my answer would cause.

"You better," I murmered drowsily.

My eyes shot open wide when Seth let out an anguished cry. _Shit. _I'd spent the past week keeping my engagement a secret from Jacob and _this _is how he finds out? Through the pack mind, and when he's not even within range? My stomach roiled painfully, and I felt the remnants of the evening's dinner threaten to make a reappearance. I knew Seth was itching to either leave or phase human, but the way I was curled into him still made it impossible. I jerked back as if he was on fire to catch the slightly satisfied look Edward was doing a poor job of hiding.

_What have I done?_

I could feel it starting – instantaneously, the guilt clawed at me, the whooshing in my ears began as if the tent had been torn away and the blizzard was now surrounding my prone form – there was no way to come back from this. I'd hurt Jake in the worst way, and he wasn't even _here_ for me to make an attempt at comforting him. My vision blurred with tears as the interior of the tent melted away. I was almost expecting this to happen, and for once, it was going to work on my terms. I just wanted to be close to Jacob. I wanted to go back to a time before I'd hurt him, and before everything got so complicated between us.

Looking round the interior of the movie theatre, I realised that wasn't going to be possible. There had never been a time when things between us _weren't_ complicated – the lines of our friendship had constantly been blurred and I was powerless to stop any of it. It was always going to happen this way – he would always be hurt and I'd always feel guilty about how I was treating him. My attention was focused away from the barely-remembered movie playing on the large screen and down to the arm rests either side of me. To my right, Mike Newton sat silently, wincing in disgust at the unfolding gore playing out before us, his hand inching closer to me as he pretended he hadn't noticed. On the left, a large, russet hand was outstretched, subtly waiting for me to accept the invitation. I glanced at Jacob, tears welling in my eyes as I took in the serene calm on his face. It seemed like forever since he looked that way to me. It was forever since his only worry was whether I'd let him in or not.

I faltered. My heart ached for the future version of this amazing guy, somewhere amidst the span of time, who was hurting beyond what I thought I could repair. It seemed like such a distance away now, and I new that it would be a long time before I got the chance to be this close to him again without the torrent of betrayal he had to be feeling because of me. It was selfish, but how was I going to face him again, knowing what he'd heard and what it had to be doing to him? He shot me a soft smile, not pressuring me, just encouraging. It would be so easy to give him this. At least he would have _something _to remind him that I still held him in my heart. For the first time, I realised that it wasn't just Jacob's hurt that as getting to me – it was mine. I'd held off on announcing the engagement because I hadn't admitted to myself what it would bring – closure. Once Jacob knew I was marrying Edward, he'd know his chances were gone. The bravado he'd displayed before, when he'd informed me in his self-assured way that I was in love with him would disappear, and he'd be left defeated and hopeless. It was in that moment that I knew why I had been reluctant to let that happen. I didn't want to tell Jake I was marrying Edward because I was scared he'd stop fighting for me.

I didn't want him to stop fighting because a part of me wanted him to win.

How had I been this blind? Sure, when all this was happening, I was still a shell of myself, still pining for a lost love that had crippled every cell of my being, leaving me as broken and useless as scrap metal before the right person with the right skills came along. I was unfixable before I'd let Jake take a good look at me and decide that I was worth salvaging. Jacob's love for me had made me whole again – not only that, it had made me better than I was before. A whole new person, repaired, shiny and new.. just in time for the previous owner of my heart to come back and claim me. How selfish had I been? I'd been lying to myself and everyone around me, and most of all to Jake.

It was too late, now. I knew how this story played out, and I knew how it ended for the both of us – in tears. Still, I was back in this lost moment. Here with Jake, my best friend, my healer and my confidant. If it would bring him the smallest amount of happiness when he remembered this, I could give him that much. I owed him so much more.

I sucked in a ragged breath, lifted my hand, and rested it in his.

* * *

**Charlie POV**

_The next morning..._

Far be it from me to complain, but Billy was a piss-poor host. He'd gone out of his way to invite me to his house, telling me that Jake was leaving for some tribal youth meeting and had skipped out on their plans together, so he was at a loose end. It felt for all the world like some scheduled play date, but I felt I was due a little downtime. Who cares if I was being herded around for the day? We'd talked about going fishing, but when I got to his house at six am to pick him up, he'd still been asleep. Billy Black had been one of my best friends my whole life and I had never once known him to sleep in, especially not for some quality man-time by the river – something was definitely up. I made coffee while he dressed, wondering when exactly Jake had left. It was light out, but there was no evidence of breakfast dishes in the sink or the usual mess that boy left in his wake. It looked for all the world like Jake hadn't been home in over a day.

Billy's eyes were bleary when he appeared in their tiny kitchen again, reaching for the coffee-pot without so much as a good-morning. The anticipation of the day ahead ebbed away – looked like we weren't going anywhere.

"Hit up some wild party last night, old man?" I jibed good-naturedly. He wasn't having any of it and my smirk melted clean off my face. "What's eatin' you?"

He shrugged absent-mindedly. "Didn't get much sleep."

I raised an eyebrow, knowing that wasn't the end of the story. "And? You stayed up three days straight the weekend you and Sarah got hitched, you never were one for much sleep, Black. What's so different about this?"

"I was twenty when I got married, Charlie. Not allowed to feel my age now?" he snapped. I held up my hands in surrender.

"Whoa... just messing with you, alright? I can see you're not in a fishing mood, forget I said anything."

He huffed out a deep sigh and wheeled to the fridge to retrieve the milk. "Sorry. Just starting to get a little frustrated. Getting older would be bad enough if I wasn't stuck in this damn chair," he said, hitting his fist off the arm rest. "Kind of feeling a little useless."

I frowned deeply. "Where did this come from? Last week you were giving me hell about Native men ageing gracefully while us white guys ended up looking like the Crypt Keeper," I reminded.

"That's still true," he smirked. "But Jake's got a lot on his plate right now. Guess I'd feel a little more useful if I could shoulder some of the burden. Take the fight out of his hands."

Now I was really confused. "Is Jake in some kind of trouble?" I thought of that kid as my own blood, and he didn't seem the type to get mixed up in anything bad – but then again we all made poor decisions at sixteen. "Is it something to do with that gang Bella said he was a part of?"

Billy scoffed and shook his head. "Hardly. And I don't think Bella's the best authority on life decisions, Charlie," he sneered.

I stiffened. Sure, Billy could be in a bad mood all he wanted, but making snide comments about Bells was never alright.

"Careful, old man. That's my baby girl you're talking about."

His posture didn't relax and he shot me a stiff glare. "Be that as it may, she's still the reason I was up most of the night with Jake. She just about broke his heart all over again," he said coldly. "Girls her age don't realise the implications their decisions have on the rest of us. Especially those who are as sweet on them as Jake is on her. She's been stringing him along for months, letting him get close before pushing him away all over again."

I ran a weary hand over my face – it was way too early for this shit.

"Look, Billy. You know more than anyone that I can't stand that slimy Cullen kid. He gives me the creeps, but Bells likes him, and I can't help it if she likes Jake too. What do you want me to do, forbid her from seeing Edwin?"

"It would be the responsible thing to do, if you were doing your job right."

That was the sore spot. I'd failed Bella more often than not when it came to being a proper parent – it was only in the last few months that I felt like we were making real progress. I knew it was mostly down to Jacob, but that didn't mean I had to stand here and listen to his father – my closest friend – dole out unwanted life advice. Bells and I were doing just fine as we were.

"Billy, I know you're upset, but I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself until I ask for 'em," I warned. He just shrugged before replying.

"Can't say I didn't warn you. I'd make the most of your time with her, Charlie, You mightn't have much left."

I felt my hackles rise – it sounded way too much like a threat to me. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I snapped, and Billy averted his gaze guiltily.

"Nothing, forget I said anything, alright?"

"No, tell me what you're getting at. Do you know something I don't?"

There was a pregnant pause before he shook his head.

"No... dammit Charlie, I'm just tired. Let me finish this cup and I'll get my stuff, and we can spend the day forgetting about our kids."

I didn't feel like doing anything with him right then. It was becoming more and more obvious that Billy had been holding back his feelings on Bella – friendship or not, nobody insulted my family.

"Forget it... don't much feel like it anymore, and there's a bunch of casework at the station I've been putting off. We can do this some other time." I turned away from him and made for the door, before he called out after me in an attempt to change my mind.

"Charlie, wait... I'm sorry, Come on. We can still figure out something, maybe Sue will take pity on us poor bachelors and serve up some of Harry's fish fry later," he said, and I didn't miss the panic in his voice. Screw it, let him stew.

"Sorry, Billy. Maybe we can take a rain-check," I said before slamming the door behind me.

I spent the morning in my office, focusing on paperwork and trying all I could to keep my mind off the spat with Billy. In all our years of friendship, I could count on one hand the amount of times we'd argued. Most of it was over sports or after we'd had one-too-many beers; never like this. I knew Billy felt some sort of responsibility for Bells – hell, our kids were all we had and we looked out for each other as best we could, but I couldn't shake the feeling that Billy knew more than he was letting on. He got that glint in his eye that always told me it was something he wasn't willing or able to share, but maybe it was for my own good.

I needed to stop thinking about this – I was starting to worry I'd grow ovaries with all the time I'd spent dwelling on it. I'd call Billy later... invite him over to watch a game and it'd all be good. I'd just let him sit on it for a bit. Couldn't hurt.

No sooner had I made up my mind when a strange call came in. I wasn't even meant to be on duty today, but Agnes Howard had complained of a disturbance in the woods near her house – something about loud explosions and smoke. The old lady was deaf in one ear and half crazy from living by herself with no-one to talk to all day, but we kept an eye on her. She needed it more often than not and she'd never called in for something serious before – it was usually that her dog had gone missing – even though she didn't have one - or that she'd seen some kind of red-headed demon in the woods; complete fairy stories, but this was new. It didn't sound like anything we would have granted a permit for, so I took to checking it out. If nothing else, it'd stop her bothering us for a while.

She wasn't wrong about the smoke, anyway. I was still a mile off from where she lived when I saw it – thick, dark purple plumes that reached taller than a skyscraper into the clouds. The air was choked with it and I wound up the windows of the cruiser automatically before radioing in for the fire department. Agnes sure wasn't making it up, this time.

I parked on the roadside, hell bent on waiting for the fire-truck to show up when I heard a weird noise. It was a cracking, almost like trees were being snapped in two by something huge, but I couldn't picture anything in my head that could do something like that. I stepped out of the cruiser and edged into the forest, following the noise but careful to stay back in case it was some kind of rogue bear, or those wolves we'd been hunting but never found a trace of.

The noise stopped for several long seconds before starting up again – this time closer in succession and getting louder and louder by the minute. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Whatever it was, it was coming straight for me, and fast. I stood rooted to the spot, not ashamed to say that I was frozen with a mixture of fear and curiosity. What appeared then, between the trees in front of me was not what I expected.

It was a kid, no older than Jacob's age but not built the same. He was African American, but his skin had this ashen appearance that made it look like he was not in good health. I held out a hand defensively, not sure where this fear was really coming from. This was just a lost child, probably scared and needing a little help. It wasn't until he inhaled deeply and looked me square in the eye that I realised how wrong I was.

Whoever this kid used to be, he wasn't that any more. His eyes were a brilliant red, and he looked at me with a feral anger that chilled me right to my very bones. I knew before I started backing away that it would be too late.

The last image to enter my mind before he sank those burning teeth into me was a flash of grey, spotted fur between the trees. The pain of the bite was only numbed as I felt the blood drain out of me and my strength dissipate. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe, and all I could think of was that someone was going to have to tell Bella. I hated delivering bad news – it was the one part of the job I despised. I wondered who was going to tell my girl that her Daddy was gone.

My chest tightened, and I wondered how far out the fire department was. Could they even help me? I didn't think I could hold on much more.

The dull screech of the sirens echoed in the distance as my hearing started to go. It was the last of my senses to leave me, giving way to a serene calm once the burning started to numb.

The last sound I heard was a low, deep growl, louder and more threatening than any animal I'd ever heard. I didn't need my sight to know what it was.

_Huh. Guess those wolves were real._

* * *

**A/N: The next chapter picks up where the Prologue left off. Did you guess correctly who it was that died when you first read it?**

**Let me know!**

**Reviews make me happy, and I need that after what I just did to Charlie Swan. :(**


	6. Butterflies and Hurricanes

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Suggested Listening: Butterflies and Hurricanes by Muse**

* * *

**Chapter Six: ****Butterflies and Hurricanes**

**Embry POV**

_I was too fucking late._

The leech thought no-one had seen it wander off between the trees. With the aftermath of the battle spread out around us, I guess he could be forgiven for thinking that he could skip off unharmed. Not in this lifetime. I took off after it, my paws propelling me further and further after it until it was sent into a blind panic. Trees, rocks and other obstacles were left broken and dislodged under the flight response of an undead sixteen-year-old. I knew if I stopped and really thought about it, I'd probably feel sorry for the guy; it wasn't his fault he was a bloodsucker. Bella always told us that the Cullens acted how they did because they hated what they were – they didn't want to be vampires in the first place, so they acted as human as possible.

I guess, on some level I could identify with that. I acted normal all the time and no-one knew any different. Not only did I have to pretend I didn't sprout a tail when provoked, I had to keep up this ridiculous act that I wasn't pining after my best friend's girl like some lost puppy.

Okay, well... she wasn't exactly _Jake's _girl. Yet. It was only a matter of time before she came to her senses – too many lingering looks, discreet touches and unsaid statements told us that much. If I was Cullen, I'd be damn worried about Bella and Jacob. Best friends do _not _behave like that, no matter how close they are.

Of course, they'd suffered another set-back; as always, playing with each others heads and only realising the consequences after it happened. Jake was an unstoppable force the moment he set his eyes on the first newborn – venting his anger at Bella out on those who meant her harm. I didn't know where he was getting the energy – most of us who lived near Jake had heard his reaction last night, and the shit-storm of anger Billy had to put up with the whole night. It's funny how Jake never threw tantrums as a kid – I mean, seriously. He was always this bundle of happiness that kinda got on your nerves if you wanted to just wallow or get away from your Mom for a while. But now? Huh. Only he and Seth were phased the moment Jake found out Bella was marrying Edward, and lets just say the rest of us don't envy Clearwater one bit. For real.

I think the main part bugging him was how soon it all was. He figured he'd have time; time to convince Bella that she was making a mistake, that she was never supposed to be a leech, and that her life was worth living. Me? I guess I always knew I'd never have her. It's kinda pointless to get upset over something that was never going to be yours in the first place. It didn't mean I was okay with any of it, though.

The battle had turned in our favour by some miracle. I guessed Jasper was right; the element of surprise the Pack had was the Newborn Army's undoing, and we'd made pretty short work of them. They were wild, uncoordinated, and no match for our calculations and strategy. At one point, it looked like one had the jump on Leah, but Jake was having none of it. He dived in and took out the leech that she was fighting effortlessly – it was sort of beautiful, in a psychopathic, homicidal way.

The last of the stragglers had scattered, but we'd kind of expected that. I caught site of the little Carlton Banks lookalike before he gave us the slip. No way was he getting away that easily. The sounds of ripping metal and the acrid stench of smoke faded behind me as I pursued him deep into the forest. He didn't have a plan, but he was fast, and I knew I had to get to him before he made it closer to the road and out into civilisation.

Out of nowhere, he stopped. My blood ran cold as the deep breaths I was taking froze in my throat. Only one thing could stop a Newborn vamp in its tracks, Jasper had said – blood.

I caught the scent moments after, and a jolt of fear passed through me as I realised I recognised it; this was a human I knew, one that was as important to us as any of our own parents. Charlie Swan was in the forest, alone and unprotected.

How had this even happened? Billy was supposed to keep him on the Res for the day, under the protection of Collin and Brady while we took care of the threat. Something had gone terribly awry along the way, and now Bella's dad was smack dab in the middle of the one place no human should ever have been.

I snapped out of my panic, willing myself further through the trees until the leech came into view again. He was too close, much too close to Charlie, and I screamed for back-up in my head. Jake's horrified reaction stumbled me for a second before I felt a vague sense of relief that he was on his way.

It wasn't quick enough, though. Before I could blink, the leech had Charlie in his clutches, sinking those vile teeth into his neck and draining the life blood straight from his veins. I growled deeply, angrily, pouncing on him, knowing already that it wouldn't do much good. Charlie was a goner, but at least I could watch the bloodsucker who had ended his life burn. How many times would I replay this moment in my head, hating myself for not being faster, not getting there sooner, not saving him?

I tore the bloodsucker's head clean off – ironically the distraction of feeding made him a pretty easy kill. A sickening spray of Chief Swan's blood flew through the air as the wound was torn open more. The smell of it was nauseating. It only made me angrier.

I ripped the pathetic excuse for existence apart, crushing the pieces smaller and smaller. _The fucker can't be dead enough for me._

Jacob arrived right after that, a low, anguished howl echoing through the trees as he set eyes on his surrogate father. Right then, I hated having heightened senses. If I didn't then there would be some hope still left that Charlie could pull though. We knew without straining that there was no heartbeat in his chest, no breath in his lungs, and no life left in Charlie Swan's body.

Images of Bella flooded Jacob's mind, and in turn, my own. How were we supposed to tell her? How did you break the news that one of the few people someone loved in the world was gone? Jacob phased out – I understood why. Having dark, sickening thoughts were bad enough without the echo of your brothers; and mine were not going to help him.

Jake sank to his knees beside Charlie's twisted remains, afraid to touch but at the same time needing to – none of this seemed _real. _Bit by bit, more of the pack's consciousness filtered into my mind, having been blocked out from concentration and shock. Whimpers and howls echoed in the faraway clearing, and I knew Bella would be aware soon enough.

I nudged Jake with my nose, shaking him out of his reverie as he looked at me with tear-filled eyes. We couldn't leave Charlie here, but where else was there? Jacob, as always, seemed to know what to do, and as he stood, cradling Charlie's limp form in his arms and turned back towards the clearing, I turned my face away. That image was all I could still see as I gathered what was left of his murderer for burning, sirens of a useless fire department coming closer all the while.

* * *

**Bella POV**

Change everything you are_  
_And everything you were_  
_Your number has been calledFights and battles have begun_  
_Revenge will surely come_  
_Your hard times are aheadBest, you've got to be the best_  
_You've got to change the world_  
_And use this chance to be heard_  
_Your time is now

"Bella, no!"

A serene calm fell over me, giving me the strength to stare Edward down.

"It's okay, Edward," I said, still feeling the tears tracking down my face, falling into the grass, mingling with my father's blood. "I know why, now."

He shook his head adamantly. "Bella, you don't know what you're doing... the consequences...you could make everything worse for yourself. Someone could get killed. _You _could get killed!"

I let out a soft snort of laughter. "Better that than this fucking disaster," I sneered, taking them all by surprise. I was _so _past pleasantries. I was always trying to be perfect, do the right thing, be the person Edward deserved. What did that get me now? My father was dead, my friends had just gone into battle with an army of homicidal vampires and I was still here, just plain, useless Bella who sat back and waited to be rescued.

No more.

I had something now, I had the chance to fix something, to give my dad his life back and I'd be damned if anyone was going to stop me.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jacob said, his voice still cracked with the remnants of his quiet sobs.

"Jacob, please... talk some sense into her," Alice said, her face a mask of horror and anguish. She stepped towards me pleadingly as Esme gripped Carlisle's hand for comfort. They were afraid. Of _me. _The thought would have made me laugh if my life wasn't crashing down around my ears. How was this supposed to be a victory? How was I meant to feel relief when I'd have to bury my own father?

Jacob looked at me questioningly, taking a step closer. "What's this about, Bella? Is this what you've been keeping from me?" His chest hiccuped with a barely-contained sob, and he sniffled softly. He had a shirt tied haphazardly around his slim waist, clearly put on hurriedly while he waited for Edward and I to reach the clearing. My heart sank at the defeated look on his face, It was the first time we'd actually seen each other since he found out about the engagement, but there was no anger in his eyes. I couldn't answer him.

"She's got this... power, like us," Alice hedged, once she realised I wasn't going to say a word. "We think it's an effect of the time she was bitten, but it's just a theory."

Jacob's body began shuddering involuntarily, as the muscles in his cheek jumped with the clenching of his jaw.

"You mean you've got some freaky leech power? Now I know why you didn't tell me," he said coldly, turning away. I stared into the middle distance, starting to get pretty impatient with the situation; they weren't going to stop me, I didn't know why they were trying.

"It gives her the ability to go back in time, step into her memories. She can change the past."

A poignant silence echoed through the clearing. I felt more exposed than I ever had in my life, but I couldn't find it in me to care.

"Bells, you can't-" Jake said, whirling on me again, his eyes wide. "I know how this feels, baby. Believe me... but it's meant to be. You can't change what's happened. You don't know what effect it could have." He held his large hand out pleadingly, inviting me to stay with him, needing me to understand that he knew the pain of losing a parent, but that he'd get me though it. I had no doubt that he could, but I didn't want him to have to.

I shook my head. "I can, Jake. I can't leave things this way, knowing I could change it, knowing it's my fault he's dead," I said, and the sobs were back. Jake enveloped me in his embrace as Edward became perfectly still.

"What are you going to change?" he said softly, his golden gaze fixed on my feet. I couldn't meet his eye. He knew what my answer was.

"I... I really do love you, Edward," I stammered, taking a step towards him as his eyes squeezed shut. The barely healed hole in my chest tore open, and the pain seared deeper than before. "But you were right. I don't fit into this world. I never will, and I shouldn't have to die to do that."

He turned away from me, and I knew that if vampires could cry, Edward would be. The thought made my stomach muscles clench. No matter what I did, somebody got hurt.

I stepped towards Charlie, falling to my knees beside him and running my hand gently through his hair. He was greying slightly at the sides and I noticed it had spread to his ever-present moustache, too. I smiled softly, knowing this was the right thing to do. I loved Edward, and I loved his family, but Charlie was my flesh and blood, and he should have never been exposed to this world. I looked around at the Cullens, each giving me looks of pleading or fear. I thought I had needed them in my life, but I never realised that I'd always had everything I needed. I'd survived the months without them – barely, but I was still here. I could do it again.

It was Rose who gave me a quiet nod of resignation - she knew more than anyone the need to hold on to life in all its forms.

I pressed a kiss to Charlie's cheek, my tears soaking his colourless face as I rested my forehead on his.

"See you in another life, Dad," I whispered.

Straightening up, I looked to Jacob, standing off to one side, watching me with apprehension. I gave him a quiet smile, pouring all the love I felt for him into the small gesture. His eyes were curious, and a small frown creased his strong features. He was torn, I could tell that already. All it took for me was one look at him and I knew everything would be okay.

I closed my eyes as the sounds of the clearing filtered out – that feeling of floating bringing me backwards though my memories, through my life, to a day I knew was the turning point in my history.

I stumbled momentarily, only to be caught by a pair of warm, safe arms and all the pain ebbed away. I looked up into Jacob's smiling eyes, knowing that I was leaning over a precipice, watching the options I had span out towards the horizon. It was this moment I had to change, this point that needed re-booting.

Jacob reached up and smoothed a hand over my cheek, gently brushing a lock of hair away. His gaze darted to my lips, before reaching my eyes again, silently asking permission. Never pushing, just hoping and encouraging. I sucked in a short breath, needing the extra oxygen to cement my decision.

It was now or never.

The shrill ring of the telephone cut into the moment. I didn't need to answer to know who it was. I jerked out of Jacob's embrace, ignoring the loud sigh he gave out that his intentions had been once again thwarted. His hair was thoroughly dishevelled by his ministrations, and I took the opportunity of his little huff to take control of the situation and answer the call. If he knew what was really going on, that I was _actually_ giving him his chance, I didn't think he'd be so disgruntled.

I held the phone to my ear, my heart pounding with apprehension.

"Hello?"

Silence. There was a long pause before the line went dead. Edward got his answer – I was alive, and there was no need for foolish suicide runs, I didn't have to leave for Italy, and I didn't have to spend the rest of the year breaking Jacob's heart and grieving over my father's death. It was already going to be different, I could feel it. There was just one thing left to do. I leaned in, closed my eyes, and gave up the fight.

Jacob's lips were soft and warm, and they cradled mine in a way I wasn't accustomed to. The initial shock that I'd returned his advances wore off, and he pulled me flush against his chest, hungrily absorbing any and all affection from me. I melted into him, feeling a soft smile tugging at my lips as instinct took over, This felt right – unnerving, considering this was my best friend, and I didn't know what the hell I'd do if this went all wrong for us, but it was safe, loving and I felt like I was exactly where I was meant to be.

The butterflies in my stomach finally were eclipsed by the howling of air in my ears. Part of me wanted to stay in the moment, enjoy my first kiss with Jacob for all it was – the beginning of something new and exhilarating.

The floating stopped, and a feeling of cool air curled round me as I slipped into the present. My eyes were still closed, with masculine hands wrapped around my waist and I realised I was no longer straining to match Jake's height.

I pulled out of the kiss, shaking my head of the uneasy feeling and willing the changed memories to flood my brain – nothing was coming. I blinked twice, my eyes downcast as I got my bearings. I was outside, on my front porch and it was evening. Hadn't it barely been afternoon in the clearing?

I looked up, about to ask Jake what had happened to the last few hours when the words died on my lips. My vision cleared, leaving no question as to whose hands were resting possessively on my hips, a smile of triumph and satisfaction on his face as he let out a contented sigh. I stepped back, as if burned, and found purchase on the outer wall of my home, wondering how the hell, what the hell had happened and where the ever-loving _fuck_ Jacob was.

Was I dreaming? Was this some messed-up vision I'd started having as a side effect of the power? My hand shot to my lips, still tingling from the effects of the kiss. This was _definitely _real.

What the hell had I done?

I cleared my throat, feeling like I'd swallowed a handful of gravel and washed it down with soap. I thought I was going to be sick.

"Mike?" I stammered. "What the hell just happened?"

* * *

**A/N: Well?**

**You guys have no idea how impatient I've been to get this far, Holy crap. Now all the good stuff begins ;)**


	7. Take It Back

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Song used is City and Colour's Off By Heart**

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Take It Back**

_The stars are aligned, but they don't align for us__  
Excuse me for I am the ocean, and I will starve for you__  
Will you know how to stay brave?  
Such fragile moments we share  
You are my everything  
Even with nothing to say_

His jaw slackened and he blinked at me twice before his shoulders slumped. Cocking his head to one side condescendingly, he puffed out a frustrated breath, icy blue eyes narrowing as he shrugged.

"Are you kidding me right now, Bella?" he said with an edge to his voice I'd never heard from Mike before. I opened my mouth to speak, but instead just gaped at him. Why was he here, on my porch, kissing me?

My stomach clenched as nausea coursed over me, and my knees buckled, forcing me to grab on to Mike's arm for balance.

"Bella... are you alright?" he said, confusion and concern lacing his tone. I shut my eyes, willing the feeling of sickness to subside and nodding.

"Yeah, I'm just... I'm sorry, Mike. I'm not feeling well. I should go inside," I muttered, feeling like the words were being spoken by somebody else. A brief flash of disappointment coloured his features momentarily before he smiled sympathetically.

"Okay... yeah. Sure," he stammered, taking a step back. "Can I call you tomorrow?"

I nodded again. "Yeah, I'm sorry... I think I need to lie down." I was feeling overheated and _wrong,_ and seriously considered asking him to help me through the door. That would be a bad idea. I still had no inkling what was happening, but something told me I still didn't need to give him any more encouragement than he evidently had. Something told me this feeling wasn't just because I'd let him kiss me. My head pounded like something was clawing at me, needing to be acknowledged. I fumbled for the handle, feeling the second wave of sickness swiftly approaching. As Mike leaned in for a second kiss, I turned the handle and stumbled backwards, into the dark house and out of his reach. My hand shot up to my mouth and I genuinely prayed that I wouldn't throw up on his shoes.

"Talk to you tomorrow, then," he called as I slammed the door right in his persistent face.

I leaned back against the wood, my breaths coming quick and panicked as the room spun around me. I had to lie down or I was going to be sick.

_Too late._

I dry-heaved deeply, propelling my feet forward in search of the stairs, which I stumbled up, clutching the wall for support. _Just get to the bathroom._

I barely had a chance to switch on the light before I fell to my knees in front of the toilet, violently emptying the contents of my stomach until there was nothing but bile left.

Pressing my forehead into the cool tiles, I laid there for an indeterminate amount of time, waiting for the sickness to leave me fully, and wondering if my legs would even support the walk down the hall to my room. I summoned the strength to crawl out the door, blindly searching the direction of my bedroom and the comfort of bed. Somehow I made it, and tucked my knees into my chest, fully clothed, as a cold sweat broke out over my pounding brow. The room continued to jerk and spin, and when I shut my eyes again, the first of the images came.

The new memories flooded in like fragments, snapshots that only went into perspective with concentration. Jake and I kissing in my kitchen. Holding his hand firmly as his eyes searched mine, barely believing what was happening between us. Jake's hand floated away and in its place was Mike's, from a few hours ago. It was rested across a table-top in a small restaurant, one I'd never been to before.

"_I'm really glad you finally agreed to go out with me,"_ he smiled. My answer was non-committal.

The pieces came in reverse order, then. A shift at Newton's earlier in the week.

"_What are you doing this Saturday, Mike?"_

I'd asked _him_ out? My head throbbed even harder as the memories found home in my brain. It had never felt like this before, and I guessed the sheer amount of new information was causing my nausea. What the hell had I done?

It went back further, to weeks spent alone, or hanging out with Angela and Ben, sometimes Jess. Charlie was there, always in the background, but the warmth I felt at seeing his face, knowing he was alive gave me the comfort I needed. I'd done the right thing – I'd saved him, and no matter what went wrong, I could live with that.

Mike was always around, giving me longing looks and hopeful glances.

"_Don't you think it was time you were over that guy?"_

"_It's not really any of your business, Mike,"_I'd snapped.

Interspersed, I saw more familiar faces swimming through my mind's eye. Seth Clearwater, standing on my back porch in cut-offs and worrying his bottom lip. The chocolate wolf of Quil Ateara, sitting silently among the trees. A bored-looking Jared Cameron. A stoic Leah Clearwater. Sympathetic Embry Call.

"_Look, she's getting too close.. all it would take from one of us is a split-second distraction and she could be inside your house._"

"_Thought you said you were fast. You all told me vampires were no match for the 'mighty Quileute Wolf Pack'," I sneered. Embry scratched the back of his head awkwardly. His eyes darting away from me, back into the forest._

"_There's always a risk – she's evaded us this long, hasn't she? Look if you'll just come to La Push-"_

"_No."_

_He sighed frustratedly, giving me this look that told me he was over this whole thing, but he wasn't letting me do this._

"_Why are you even here? Did he send you as his little messenger puppy? Tie a note around your tail and told you to follow the scent of strawberries?"_

_He winced then, and I wasn't sure if it was my words or the way I'd said them that caused it._

"_Any more, tell him if he wants to speak to me, he knows how to use a phone. He's pretty good at slamming it down when I call."_

"_He wasn't the only one," he muttered, and I tried not to be hurt. Jake was his best friend, of course he'd side with him._

"_Forgive me for not wanting to have my nose rubbed into the crap that is my life," I said, turning towards the door again. Embry stepped forward in a panic – he'd failed to convince me to leave with him and Jacob was wrong to think sending him would butter me up._

"_But Bella-"_

"_No. Forget it. The only way I'll set foot in that place again is if Victoria drags my cold, lifeless corpse there herself."_

Each pack member looked like they were being forced to be there, and something told me it was a sense of duty that had them even talking to me in the first place. A flash of red almost stopped my heart. _She_ was still after me, and they were still my protectors, patrolling near me, saving my life all over again. It should have relieved me, but all I could muster was guilt. I thought I'd changed this, somehow.

I didn't see Jacob.

Further back again, Graduation came and went. Charlie was the only one sitting in the audience as my support – two empty chairs to his left seemed like the most glaring thing in the room. I refused to go for a celebratory meal afterwards, instead calling my mother and collapsing into my bed, holding back the tears and trying not to feel as lonely and pathetic as I was.

The last months of school blurred. For a moment, I thought it had gone back too far, to the dark period I'd spent as a zombie after Edward left me, but something was different about me this time – I was _angry._ Pure rage and resentment bubbled up through the blurred visions, and I felt a hatred I'd never experienced before. Charlie walked on eggshells, afraid to say the wrong thing or mention the wrong name and set me off.

"_Bells, I'm not trying to pry," he hedged, wrongly gauging my lack of reaction as an invitation to continue. "But I noticed it's been a while since you saw Jake. Did something happen between you two?_"

My reply had ensured it was the last time he ever asked me that question.

Bit by bit, another face floated into my concentration. Large, blue eyes filled with tears and shock stared into me as I physically vibrated with anger and hate.

"_You don't even realise, do you? It's because you look just like me," I snapped, feeling the venom spouting from my tone but powerless to stop it. "It's the only reason he gave you a second glance, the only reason you're together right now. Get the fuck over yourself, sweetheart – if he hadn't loved me first, he'd never love you now."_

"_Bella!"_

_Jacob's voice cut into my tirade, and the thinly veiled anger should have scared me, but it didn't. I was glad – glad to have a reaction, any at all from him. I felt so insignificant and forgotten that I'd take anything I could get._

"_I don't know why you're so angry, but don't you think it's time you stopped talking, before you do any more damage?" he warned, edging closer to her as he spoke. His arm draped around her waist protectively, tucking her petite frame snugly into his side. She fit there like the missing piece of the puzzle._

_I laughed coldly. "I don't know why I'm so angry either, Jake. Everyone knows I was just settling."_

_His eyes darkened then, narrowing in hurt and offence. It was a long time before he spoke again, and I briefly considered taking the statement back until he interrupted. "Sure sure," he said. "At least now you're not stuck in something you never wanted," he said evenly. "Don't worry,_ Bells, _I'm over it."_

_He nuzzled his nose into the crown of her head lovingly, bathing in her scent as the slight shaking in his muscles subsided. I realised then that I couldn't get to him. No matter what I said, she'd always bring him the comfort I never could._

The memory faded out again, being replaced by one from a month earlier, when Jacob and I had gone on our first official date. I had dressed comfortably, knowing there was no need for expensive outfits or excessive make-up. Jake had seen me at my very worst, and had brought me back to my best – all i'd had to do was let him, and I found myself slowly, but unmistakably falling deeply in love with him. His smile warmed my insides, and chased away the darkenss I'd been living in for so long, His arms held me together when I'd crumbled, and his words gave me hope, and made me feel that yes, I _was_ worth battling for, and he'd do it to the very end if he had to. I had no doubt that if Jacob had to compete for my affections, he'd fight tooth and claw. It had led us to this, this night that I'd officially put Edward Cullen behind me and rebuild my world using Jacob's strength and the resilience I never knew I had.

I witnessed the very moment that world was torn apart from a distance, watching as my brand new boyfriend walked up to a strange girl with hair and a figure similar to my own.

_She was standing outside the movie theatre, waiting on someone, and I smiled to myself when I realised his mistake. He strode confidently towards her from behind, placing his large hands over her eyes and whispering in her ear. When she turned around, I chuckled softly to no-one at the look of shock and embarrassment on his face._

_I was going to give him such shit for this, I thought, getting out of the cab of my old, red truck and shutting the door quietly. I looked down the street as I crossed, pretty sure that my plan to sneak up on Jake would go awry if I got run over. I focused my attention back towards the non-couple, almost laughing at the hilarity of the idea what a werewolf would fall for a case of mistaken identity,_

_My steps toward them faltered then, when I noticed the look on his face wasn't fading. In fact, it wasn't a look of embarrassment at all, and they hadn't said a word in all the time it took to reach them. He stood stock-still, taking in her features as she breathed deeply, no doubt being stunned by the beauty before her. I backed away again, tears filling my eyes, hoping like hell it wasn't true, that the one fear I'd dismissed and told Leah wasn't an issue hadn't come back to haunt me._

_I got in my truck and sat there, hoping against hope that I hadn't just watched Jacob, **my Jake**, imprint on a stranger._

* * *

**A/N: Guys, this was pretty damn horrible to write. Jake and Bella are my Twilight OTP and having them die out like this was all wrong for me, but you know the pairing on this story, and you know why this had to happen. I just hope I make the Bella/Embry story worthy of doing this. I guess time will only tell.**

**Please, please let me know your thoughts.**


	8. Already Lost

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended_

**A/N: Suggested Listening: **

**Casey's Song by City and Colour,**

**In The Water, I Am Beautiful by City and Colour, **

**Stupid Kid by Alkaline Trio**

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Already Lost**

_With you on my mind  
And my heart held in your hands  
Screaming  
"Break me"_

I made it to the bathroom again in time to wretch up the lining of my stomach. I guess there was nothing left in me, which felt pretty accurate. I had nothing. I felt empty and weak and for the first time in my life, I wanted to call my Mom and ask what the hell I should do. How exactly would one phrase something like that?

"_Mom, I made a mistake.. I went back in time to dump my fiance in order to save my father's life and be with my best friend, but now I'm back in the present and Dad's alive, but I'm alone and whoring myself out to the guy I once likened to a Labrador. Any suggestions?_"

I froze as I studied my reflection in the mirror. Wait... _was _I whoring myself out? I thought back over both sets of memories, old ones and brand new, and in none of them did I recall ever losing my virginity.. but things were still filtering through the abyss and settling in. Still, I was pretty sure it was something I would remember, since all the latest images were inconsequential days at work or conversations with school-friends or members of the Pack. In each of them, I was bitter and sarcastic but I couldn't find it in me to care much. In fact, I was starting to remind myself of someone who was appearing in my recollection more and more. Leah.

It appeared as though Leah and I had found some sort of common ground. It made sense. From the looks of things, we had a lot to talk about, now. At least _one _relationship had improved in this mess. I doubted we were much more than passing acquaintances, but at least she didn't appear to hate me.

I sighed with weariness, taking in the changes in my face. I seemed thinner, somehow, and a little more tired-looking, but overall I appeared to be pretty much the same, save for the shorter hair style and dark make-up smudged around my eyes. I looked like a freakin' racoon.

Letting out a bitter snort, I pulled back the shower curtain, flicking the spray on and waiting for the water to turn hot enough to wash the self-loathing I had for myself away. Something told me taking a swan-dive into Mount Doom wouldn't quite do it. I threw my clothes in a heap on the floor – I didn't recognise them and they certainly weren't very comfortable; the jeans turned inside out when I tried to get them off, sending the contents of my pockets skittering across the tiles as I sighed in frustration – the last of my nerves was being worn down and I crouched to pick up the coins. Knowing my luck, I'd probably slip on one and break my arm before the night was over.

My hand froze over a small object resting in the join between the tiled floor and the bottom of the bath tub. It was small, and wooden, and it took a second or two for me to register what it actually was. Both scenarios came at me full force, showing me what I did and _didn't_ have simultaneously. The tiny russet wolf dangled from its shortened links, the rest of the bracelet missing as I'd ripped it off the chain, throwing it at the nearest wall in despair before thinking better of it and retrieving it. I remembered a graduation party at the Cullens', Jacob showing up with an apology and the bracelet, made especially for me by his own hands. I remembered how I'd come to have it now – and the air was torn from my lungs as I sat on the edge of the tub, the cold porcelain biting into my thighs as the tiny figurine dangling from my thumb and forefinger arrested my attention.

"_It was meant to be a first-date present. Something to commemorate the day,_"_ he said sadly. "Now... well, I guess the date didn't work out like we thought, but I made it for you, Bells. No matter what you think right now, I couldn't let anyone else have it. It's yours."_

_He pressed it into my hand and closed my fist over it. I was so awestruck by the fact he was actually on my porch, talking to me and calling me 'Bells', that I was pliable and posable for his actions. It took several beats for my mind to catch up, and my hand bloomed open, slowly revealing the gift. The image of it blurred as I stared through it, not quite able to let the image sear itself into my mind. I looked away, unwilling to show him what it meant to me._

_My eyes trailed higher on his chest, up over his clavicle, to that strong jaw and full lips to his eyes, where he looked at me kindly, pleadingly, waiting for my answer. The air left my lungs when I reached his gaze. I hadn't looked him in the eye since _that day_. What was the point when it had just taken a single glance from her to do the one thing I would have stared at him for hours to achieve?_

I'd slammed the door in his face and practised my Hail Mary pass straight after. It was three days before I hunted the offending carving down, finding the charm lodged between the floor-boards and turning it over and over endlessly in my fingers, memorising the shape, cursing Jake's name, and _her _name, and hoping it would have some kind of voodoo-doll quality to it. It didn't. Jake's life just got better as mine spun slowly but surely down the drain.

I'd put the charm in my pocket before my date with Mike. I needed the reminder of why I was subjecting myself to giving in, finally admitting to myself that Jacob and I were over, and squeezing that tiny wolf was enough. Jacob's and my friendship had pretty much disintegrated after he imprinted on Melanie; I had never even tried to build a relationship with her. It's not as if you went to see the people who burgled your house in prison, hoping that you could maybe become friends. Melanie stole my life. I had no desire to get to know her better or to watch her live it.

Jacob, of course, had tried to remain friends. He let me curse him out at the start, feeling guilty that I'd been hurt so badly, but wanting me to share in his happiness, flashing that sunny smile that had lost all its meaning since he'd given it away, and almost requesting my approval of her.

"_You **promised,** Jake! You told me it would never happen, that you wouldn't **let **it happen. Was that a load of crap to get me to start seeing you?"_

"_Bella, I didn't know what I was saying... I didn't grasp how huge it is, the all-encompassing feeling. I couldn't fight it, even if I tried. I'd never win."_

"_That's the whole point, though, isn't it? You **didn't **try."_

He was persistent as ever, and part of me hoped that on some level he was still in love with me, needing me in his life because a part of him wasn't happy about what had happened. He admitted to Leah, after about two weeks, that he'd been horrified when he realised what happened. That was before he realised she was the best thing that ever happened to him. I'm pretty sure I'd broken a hairbrush in two when Leah shared that titbit with me.

"_Bells, please don't hang up. I really think if you gave her a chance... you could really get along," he said encouragingly, waiting for the inevitable dial tone. "She's into books, just like you. And music, like you used to be. She can even cook, although she prefers baking," he said lovingly, proudly, like these were characteristics which would endear me towards the life-stealer. It made me hate her more. "It's not like it's her fault. If you're going to be mad at anyone, take it out on me, not her."_

I ignored both of his requests and hung up anyway.

The calls still came, and still I ignored them. This went on for two weeks until I finally agreed to meet her properly, only because of Charlie's not-so-subtle hints that my absence around La Push was noted, if only by Billy. That visit had started off okay. She did look like me, but prettier. She greeted me nervously, confiding that she was more nervous meeting me than Billy or the twins. She was polite, and her voice was gentle and sweet and it grated on my ears. I kept the seething resentment to a minimal coldness, until Jake left us alone. The words spewed forth before I could reign them in, and I'd laid into her, citing Jacob's love for me as the only reason he'd approached her.

I was asked to leave after that, and Jacob had been ignoring my calls ever since.

It had been three months now, though, and Melanie was pretty much becoming Billy's third daughter. There wasn't much room for me in their home anymore, and the increasingly hostile attitude I displayed didn't help much. Jacob's father had been sympathetic at first, but the sense of betrayal I felt after he, too, fell for Melanie's charms tipped me over the edge. _Practically family, my ass._ I was being replaced, and the angrier I felt, the more I'd encouraged it.

I stepped under the hot spray, letting it run over my pounding head, the knotted muscles in my back contracting and relaxing as I stretched and cracked my joints. I felt _tired,_ and lost, and for the first time in three months, I had an answer for why this had happened to me.

I'd done it to myself.

The realisation took the air from my lungs as the first of the sobs came. All this time, I'd been so angry, so betrayed and bitter that I was the victim of Jacob's happiness and I never knew until now that there had been another way – the convergence of both realities had shown me both possible outcomes and I honestly didn't know which would have been better. In another world, Edward had come back, I'd hurt and played with Jacob's emotions at every turn and would inevitably have ended up breaking his heart. This was the alternative – where it was _my_ heart that was broken and _my_ life in pieces as I drove all those who loved me away. Edward's abandonment had left me a shell of a person, but what Jacob did to me, what I had perceived as betrayal, had hardened that shell, and it had grown prickled spines all over. No-one was getting close because every time they did, I got hurt.

My eyes stung under the force of my tears, and my hiccups echoed through the tiled walls, sending everything I was feeling right back to me, rubbing salt in the wound. I realised that not once since Jacob met Melanie had I cried. I'd been so consumed by anger at him, at her, and at everyone else in my life that I never let it happen. What was the point in crying when being a bitch got me a much better reaction? I'd take disgust over sympathy any day. I was done being anyone's project, and no-one could make me face what I was feeling unless I wanted to.

Even the date with Mike had been an exercise in distraction. It didn't work; I spent the whole time watching the door because we were in the restaurant Jake and I had reservations at the night of our first date. It was the three month anniversary of that night and I had both hoped and dreaded that he'd bring Melanie there while I was around to spy. He hadn't, and I'd asked Mike to take me home once I realised it was a lost cause.

I wanted to ask myself how I'd become this way. How I'd managed to make everything so difficult for myself, but I didn't need to. I had more answers now than I ever did, and only two options lay in front of me. Either I could go back and fix this, or I could make the best of it. I sniffled softly, opening my eyes and knowing this would be the first and last I'd cry over this. It didn't take much thought – if this power of mine had done _this _much damage, inflicted_ this_ much pain on me, I wasn't going to go dabbling in it again. I should have listened to Edward, to Alice and Jake. I should have known how wrongly everything could go, but it was too late now. Neither of the realities seemed to be ideal, but at least Charlie was alive in this one.

I shut off the shower, stepping out from the rapidly cooling water draining away, and wrapped a towel around myself. My resolution was clear, as the resentment simmered down to a dull ache in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't have Jake, so I'd do what I'd never felt strong enough to do before. Maybe I'd been a class-one bitch lately, but I'd learned a hell of a lot about myself – I was stronger than I thought, and I could put up one hell of a front. I'd get through this alone, and I'd fight for myself if no-one else would. Fuck Jake, he'd still lied to me, and still led me to believe his love for me was stronger than monsters and magic. He could have his happiness, it was none of my business, and I'd find my own – alone.

My days of falling in love were over, and it was about time Bella Swan started living in the world rather than wallowing in it and waiting for a prince to come rescue her. Mine had already come by, had a good look at me, and decided he'd be better off with someone else.

That was the conclusion I was reaching as I entered the room, and almost screamed at the sight of the scantily-dressed werewolf sitting very comfortably on my bed.

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**A/N: Phew. This was a tough one to write, and I'm not completely sure I write angst to any kind of passable standard, but this was my effort. Eek.**

**Bella has a lot going on with her right now. She's not the same person who jumped back to save Charlie, nor is she the same person who was abandoned by Edward. She's been burned twice, and it shows. ****I have to say though, I do prefer writing her with a little guts.** It'll take someone extra special to get through that tough exterior. Any ideas? ;)

**I would love to know your thoughts, and if you're thoroughly bummed after reading, I feel your pain.**


	9. Bitches and Popcorn

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

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**Chapter Nine: Bitches and Popcorn**

The towel fastened around me loosened as I jumped backwards, almost exposing my body to one of the last people I'd ever want to see it.

"Shit, Swan, if you give everyone who crawls in your window a free show I can see why it became a doggie-door," Leah sneered, picking up a nail file from my bedside and proceeding to attend to her fingernails. It only took a few seconds for her to realise her once long, feminine talons were now stubby, dirt-stained stumps. She sighed and threw it over her shoulder. "What are you doing home so early anyway?"

Her stare was curious, but careful, and I was so lost as to why she was in my room that I just gaped at her like a dying fish. She raised an eyebrow as she sat up straighter on the bed.

"Have you been crying?" she said, actually sounding slightly concerned. "Did that little Newton prick get handsy? Wonder how he'd manage to cop a feel with two wrist-stumps." Her eyes narrowed contemplatively, as if actually planning to relieve Mike of his hands and making it look accidental. I couldn't help the soft snort of laughter I let out, and she smirked at me knowingly.

Just then, the last two days came flooding back. It seemed Leah and I had, in fact, become closer. When she'd gathered that I had a date, she even offered to help me get ready, even though she was slightly disgusted by my choice of company for the evening. I still wasn't sure if she was genuinely supporting me, or if some part of her got a sick thrill out of being the one to tell Jake that I was dating again and watching for any kind of reaction, but the comfort of having someone who knew all about the monsters in the darkness, and in fact, _was _one herself made me grateful she was around. We hadn't directly talked about what happened with Jacob and Melanie yet, though. I didn't know if it was for my benefit or hers. It had to have brought back plenty of painful memories.

"No, he didn't get handsy. I pretty much spent the whole night pre-occupied with where we were and realised it was useless. Even if I was ready to move on with someone else, there's no way it'd be Mike," I sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed, holding the towel tighter around me. I'd never seen Leah naked, but something told me that if I had, I'd want to sit in a dark room wearing a burlap sack for the rest of my life. There would be no comparison.

She clapped sarcastically. "Bravo, Bella. It's not every day someone grows a brain in the space of six hours." I scoffed and hit her with a pillow.

"No need to be a bitch about it," I admonished, and she gave me a condescending look. "Just because you _are _one." She let out a filthy laugh and moved off the bed, looking around my bedroom thoughtfully. She stopped at the window, where the beginnings of a shower of rain was making tracks down the glass.

"Well, forgive me for assuming the worst. I saw you slam a door in his face and spend the next hour throwing up and taking a rape-shower. The kid is nasty, Swan. I told you it wouldn't end well."

Of course – she'd still been patrolling around my house tonight. I sighed. It seemed it would be a while before the Pack was fully out of my life. "Alright, mighty Leah. You win. Please, bestow more of your worldly wisdom upon me."

She snorted disdainfully. _"Please._ You're _so_ not ready to use the force yet. Although rule number one in the moving-on handbook: Your next conquest should always be at least marginally hotter than he who you're hoping to move on from._"_

"You mean like how you hooked up with Paul just before he phased?" I asked, and she wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Not really, that was more of an example of poor judgement and too much tequila,"she scoffed. "For a while, I thought there was something about me that turned every guy I slept with into a steroid-fuelled rage monster. Turns out I just have bad taste."

I shook my head ruefully. "Either that, or the Reservation's too damn small."

She pressed her lips together and nodded sagely. "That too."

I moved across the room to my underwear drawer, rifling though it for something that didn't feel like it was trying to cut my butt in two. "All quiet on the Western front?" I hedged. The Pack was putting themselves on the line for my protection. The least I could do was ask how things were going.

"Yep," she replied, sounding thoroughly bored. "Bitch is keeping her distance, for whatever reason. Isn't it obvious, since the most interesting thing to happen all evening was your disaster of a date?"

I shrugged one shoulder. "Thought I'd ask. What are you up to for the rest of the night?"

"Patrol, then I'm supposed to be relieved in about twenty minutes and I was going to head home and try to catch Seth downloading porn. Kid's like an after-school special waiting to happen."

I laughed softly, imagining her poor baby brother's shame at being caught. It's not as if he had many secrets anyway, but being caught in a compromising position by your sister – one as cutting and sarcastic as Leah, had to be hell. "Why don't you hang out here? Charlie's on the night shift and since I heaved up my noodles, I was going to make some popcorn and do some channel-surfing."

Leah looked contemplative, and a little wary. "Sounds like a slumber party to me, Swan."

"It's not a slumber party. I guess I'd rather have someone else to talk to than the relentless inner-monologue in my head," I confessed. The truth was, I was dreading being left alone. Talking to anyone, even if it was Leah, kept my mind off the tide of self flagellation. She studied me for a long moment, seeming to understand where the invitation had come from.

"Sure," she shrugged. "Seth could use a break, anyway. But if you so much as look at those toe-separators and nail polish, I'm out of here."

I laughed softly. "Deal."

The feeling of being make-up free and dressed in light pyjamas felt far more familiar and comforting, It had been Leah's suggestion that I dress in tight jeans and a plunging shirt for the date, but it felt too foreign to me. My favourite, well-worn sleepwear had, for the first time since I'd come to this reality, actually made me feel a little more like my old self, and I welcomed it. I had just taken the second bag of pop-corn out of the microwave when a soft yip from outside caught my attention. I turned in the direction of the family room, about to call Leah when I saw it was needless. She appeared in the door way, swiftly walking past me and towards the back door. "That'll be the night-shift," she clarified. Swinging the door open, she poked her head out, drawing in a long breath and frowning.

"What are _you _doing here? I thought Brady was on Swan-watch tonight," she said into the darkness. "And shouldn't you be at home, I don't know... broodingly listening to angry emo music and planning some sort of terrorist attack on the unkind world?"

I moved towards the door, still holding the popcorn and frowned. I couldn't see a thing in the moonlight, but I didn't doubt that she could. Another yip was her reply and she rolled her eyes.

"I can't understand that, but I'm pretty sure I could break your knuckles for that tone."

"Who is it?" I asked, still straining to see around her in the darkness, but it was pretty pointless since I couldn't even look beyond her shoulder. A static rippled through the air, and a quiet, baritone voice called out from the direction of the trees, along with the approach of slight, barefooted steps.

"I _said_, he's got his hands full with summer school, so I'm taking over for the night, _Mom._" Embry sounded bored and fed-up, and clearly not in the mood for Leah's jibes. I could see his face beyond her tall frame, and it matched his tone pretty accurately.

"And I don't listen to that stuff any more. You've finally converted me into a Little Monster. Gaga is my queen. Paws up!" he curled his fingers into his palm and held a hand up beside his head, baring a row of shiny white teeth and mock-growling.

Leah sighed and and folded her arms. "Yeah well, I'm going to stick around for a while, so you can trot off home to write more angsty poetry," she sneered. Embry blinked and studied her face, no doubt wondering whether to believe her or not.

"Why?" he said, a crease appearing between his brows. She scoffed and drew her head back, no doubt summoning the strength to stay civil.

"Because Swan needs her moustache bleached," she said sarcastically. "It's none of your business." She moved back then, fully revealing me to Embry for the first time. He was dressed in denim cut-offs and nothing else. His hair was slicked back on his head – wet from the rain that was starting to ease off and his torso glistened with the residue. He froze slightly, as if just realising I was there. There was a short pause before he schooled his features into a look of indifference.

"Hi, Bella. How'd the date go?" he said, and I didn't miss the slightly bitter edge to his voice. I was slightly taken aback – Embry had never so much as looked at me with anything but kindness before, but seemingly he hadn't forgotten how I spoke to him the last time we'd seen each other. One large hand came out and he buried it in the popcorn, taking a handful and cramming it in his mouth. He raised an eyebrow challengingly, daring me to object. His overall posture and expression got my defences up, and I refused to whimper and apologise. What I did with my Saturday night was none of his, Jake's or any of the Pack's business.

"Nice to see I still make the front page of The Daily Howl," I sneered, and Leah laughed, laying an approving hand on my shoulder as she moved back into the kitchen. He shrugged one shoulder as he finished the popcorn. "Not so much front page, but at least you're in the highlights," he said.

"Yeah, it's about time I was off the radar completely, don't you think? It's not as if I'm part of the Pack."

Embry's bravado faded visibly from his face, his throat bobbing as he swallowed and he shoved his hands roughly into his pockets. He toed the ground frustratedly, letting a few moments of silence pass between us. "That guy's an ass, you know..." he muttered, studying the concrete step intently. I rolled my eyes – I should have expected this.

"Yeah, maybe he is, but at least he's consistent," I replied cuttingly. His eyes shot back to mine, and he looked into them guiltily, no doubt realising that he was pretty much overstepping a line with his comments. Mike may have made me want to finger-skit him in the forehead, but at least if he left me, it would be his own choice.

"Sure... I guess you have a point," he said, his gaze lingering on mine for a fraction of a second before he cleared his throat. "Anyway.. I'll uh... be out here." he stepped backwards on the step, about to turn back to the trees.

Leah called out from behind me, emptying the first bag of popcorn into a large mixing bowl. "Why? I'm already here, and I'm staying over."

Embry frowned, turning, and leaned past me. He smelled like the grass just after a rainfall, and the familiarity made me wince. "You're not exactly going to be on alert if you're stuffing your face and watching Molly Ringwald movies," he said.

"_Please. _That's what you guys seem to forget – us chicks are so much better at multi-tasking. Run along now, pup," she said dismissively. He sighed and gave me an indecipherable look, chewing on his bottom lip thoughtfully before nodding,

"Fine. See you... whenever, Bella," he said quietly, his eyes looking at nothing before disappearing into the forest before I could even answer.

I'd gotten myself comfortable on the couch beside Leah, feet tucked under me and popcorn on my lap when she looked past me, into the kitchen, contemplating something beyond. I frowned at her, turning to look at what held her attention but unsurprisingly, there was nothing. I ignored it for a few minutes, surfing through the channels and settling on a movie purely because Jake Gyllenhaal had flashed on screen during my quest for something suitable. Leah continued to divide her attention between the TV and the kitchen, and I was about to ask her what was going on when she broke the silence herself.

"He's still outside, you know," she said.

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**A/N: Alright! So maybe it wasn't the werewolf you were hoping for on her bed, but at least he still made an appearance, right?**

**I'm enjoying having Leah as Bella's confidante. She's a favourite of mine, and one thing I regretted with my other stories was giving her a smaller role. You'll be seeing quite a bit more of her in this one. :)**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts. It's finally taking shape now. :)**


	10. Resolve

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Songs used are Degausser by Brand new and Waiting by City and Colour.**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Resolve**

_Well take me, take me back to your bed__  
__I love you so much that it hurts my head__  
__ I don't mind you under my skin__  
__I'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in__  
__When we were made we were set apart__  
__Life is a test and I get bad marks__  
__Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins__  
__The storm is coming, the storm is coming in_

Leah and I fell asleep on the couch that night. Despite her long limbs and the heat of her body, it was surprisingly comfortable, but that could have been because she didn't spend the whole night there. Some time around the early hours, my sleep-addled mind registered that she got up and slipped outside. I didn't hear anything after that, and fell asleep before she came back. I had a feeling she'd gone to chew Embry out for ignoring her orders, even though I was pretty sure their ranking in the Pack was somewhat similar. I don't think ranks applied much to Leah, anyway.

The sun streaming through the living room window woke me around midday. I had a blanket draped over my body and the TV was off, telling me Charlie had come home. His uniform jacket was hanging on the stairs, and his boots were strewn at the bottom, just like they always were when he came home after a night shift. He was usually too tired to even turn off the lights, but when I got to the kitchen, he'd placed Leah's and my popcorn bowls in the sink and the glasses were drying beside the draining board. Charlie was finally getting domesticated. I smiled to myself at the thought.

The shower clicked off upstairs, followed by tiptoeing footsteps a few minutes later. I started on breakfast – well, it was more like lunch now, knowing that I hadn't been here when he left for work yesterday, so there was little chance he'd had a proper, home-cooked meal in the past twenty-four hours. I wasn't prepared for how the sight of him, dressed in worn jeans and a Forks PD shirt made me feel, and my eyes welled up with tears. He retrieved the paper from the porch, while I stood stock still in the kitchen, a spatula frozen mid-air and a dish towel in my hand, He was already reading the sports pages by the time he ambled towards me, opening the fridge absent-mindedly with one hand and pulling out a carton of juice.

"Morning, Bells," he said, picking up a freshly washed glass from the draining board and filling it with orange concentrate. I opened my mouth to speak, and then nothing came out, he looked up curiously from the paper. His frown relaxed into a look of surprise, and his morning read and juice were promptly discarded on the table as he took a step towards me.

"What is it, sweetie? Is everything okay?" he asked warily gently reaching out to take hold of my upper-arm. I realised then that I had to be scaring the hell out of him, and had no way of explaining my behaviour. I snapped out of my mini-breakdown, and smiled.

"Yeah, Dad... I'm just- I didn't think you'd be awake yet. Want some pancakes?" I stammered, hoping like hell his naturally suspicious mind wouldn't figure out that I was having some sort of episode. Yesterday, I'd cried over my father's lifeless body, and right now I was offering him pancakes. I could hardly believe how lucky I was.

He stared into me curiously for a beat, before something in my expression told him not to push it. I could tell this was the least sarcastic and snappy I'd been with him in months – I guess a part of him didn't want to rock the boat. He shrugged and picked up the paper again. "Sure, sweetie," he said.

I couldn't stand it any more. Once he sat down at the table, I crouched beside him and looped my arms around his neck, pressing my face into his back and revelling in his warmth and the scent of soap and out-of-style cologne. Charlie was _alive_. I couldn't find a fibre in my being that could regret what I'd done, no matter how much pain it had caused me.

Breakfast was filled with small-talk, and for the first time, I found myself actually interested in what Charlie was doing with his day. He didn't have to work, and was anticipating the Mariners game on TV that night.

"Do you have plans today, Bells?" he asked between bites. I fought the urge to snort – I was pretty sure those who were talking to me didn't have much of a desire to spend much more time with me, and I certainly wasn't planning to see much more of Mike.

"No, Dad, I just thought I'd hang out here... maybe clean out my closet a little, give some stuff away," I informed. He got an uncomfortable look on his face then, and I raised a curious eyebrow. "Is that alright?"

He smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, Bells. Of course it is, it's just-" he paused then, clearly trying to word whatever he was going to say so as to cause the least reaction out of me. "Billy was supposed to be coming over tonight to watch the game... and what with whatever happened between you and Jake, I didn't think you'd want to be around when he got dropped off." He sighed then, and I got the feeling he was relieved he'd got the whole sentence out without an objection from me.

I felt a wave of guilt that my Dad had been rearranging his time with his best friend to suit my moods. I'd clearly been a nightmare to live with lately. No more. I plastered on the most convincing smile I could, and shrugged. "It's fine, Dad, Jacob and I have to live in practically the same town. I'm not going to be able to avoid him forever."

Charlie looked suspicious as he reached for his glass. "Did something happen last night, Bells?" he asked hesitantly. I avoided his gaze, hating that I had yet another secret to keep from him.

"Kind of... I guess I realised that I'm making things harder on myself than they need to be. It's about time I owned up to my behaviour and stopped acting like the world's out to get me."

He studied me for a long moment, before giving me a proud smile and ruffling my hair. "I knew my girl was in there somewhere," he said.

New-found strength aside, I still carefully scheduled a trip to the grocery store to coincide with Billy's arrival. I may have been ready to stop acting like a spoiled child around my father, but that didn't mean I had any desire to see Jacob yet. The hurt was still too palpable, and the major worry I had was that Melanie would be with him. Seeing Jake was painful enough without having to watch both of them together.

I picked up my keys and wallet, giving Charlie the excuse of picking up some food and snacks for his and Billy's 'boys night', and made my way out the door. I scanned the tree line, wondering who had drawn the short straw today. A shock of silver fur moved into view and I rolled my eyes. Of course. Paul. I was glad he couldn't speak in wolf-form; something told me that he'd be less than tolerant of me and the sense of duty that kept them patrolling my back-yard. He continued to trot towards me when I shot a panicked glance back to the house.

"Charlie's not blind, you know," I hissed, knowing he could hear me from 100 feet away. "Stay in the forest unless you want to test the effects of bullets on oversized wolves."

A static charge cut through the air then, and I averted my eyes automatically when the silver wolf was replaced by a very smug-looking, extremely naked, Paul Lahote.

"It's not the only thing about me that's oversized," he said proudly, raising an eyebrow. He _wasn't _lying. I hated the fact that I now knew that for sure. "I'll stay human if you're that worried about me, Princess." He made no effort to hide his nudity and I held a hand over my eyes in a mixture of shock and shame.

"Oh god... put some clothes on, for Christ sake!" I hissed, pretty sure the blush tinting my cheeks could heat up the whole house for winter. He laughed darkly and moved behind a small branch. It _still_ wasn't enough to cover him.

"What's this I hear about you and Leah becoming BFFs?" he said, and I could hear movement that I guessed was the sound of him folding his arms. I was still studying my sneakers and shrugged non-committally.

"I don't get why it's such big news. Us scorned women need to stick together. Talk trash about our past conquests, put curses on their delicate parts. The usual." I had no idea how I was able to carry on the conversation – I could still see the image of his uncovered crotch in my head. It was going to haunt my dreams, I could tell.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "What exactly did she say?" he said. I detected nerves on his voice for the first time since I'd known him. It was an unfamiliar concept; Paul didn't care what anybody thought of him – his very nude presence at that moment was proof.

Just then, the front door opened and Charlie appeared looking concerned.

"Who were you talking to, Bells?" he asked, looking around warily. "I thought maybe Billy had got here early." I didn't miss the subtext of that statement: _I thought you were stuck out here having to face Jacob, and we'd be back to square one._

"Uh... just Angela, Dad. Cell phone," I said, fishing it out of my pocket and waving it in the air. I was pretty sure it was dead – I'd only had it a couple of weeks and forgot I owned it most of the time. Charlie looked relieved as he moved to retreat into the house.

"Oh, alright. I'll see you when you get back," he said hesitantly. I was pretty sure he'd heard Paul's voice out here too, but saw no evidence of anyone with me. When I looked back to the space in the trees he'd previously occupied, he was gone.

"I'm going to get you for that," I hissed, searching the tree line for any sign of him. I could see nothing, but just before I slammed the door of my truck, I heard something that sounded suspiciously like wolfish laughter.

I took my time at the grocery store, making a ritual out of working through the short list I had and greeting anyone I even vaguely knew. I didn't know if it would be ample time for Jacob to drop Billy off and leave, but I thought the longer I left it, the less chance there was of an overlap.

The thing I wasn't prepared for, though, was the fact that Jacob had some shopping to do of his own. I rounded the corner into the cereal aisle, just in time to see him load two family-sized boxes of Captain Crunch into the cart. He had an open bag of cookies, half-eaten in his hand, and was cramming them two-at-a-time into his mouth. My steps froze instantly. It was such a familiar sight, and brought back so many memories that it stilled my heart right in my chest.

He had his back to me, and I knew from his relaxed posture that he hadn't picked up my scent yet. I still had a chance to get out of there unscathed if I wanted to.

It was not to be, though. As I turned to leave, I bumped right into Angela's mom, arms full of baking supplies.

"Bella! Sweetie, just who I wanted to see!" she said, and I cringed visibly as I caught Jacob's shoulders tense up in my peripheral vision. He turned his head to the side, bunching the cookie wrapper up in his hand as he listened in.

"Hey, Dana," I said, trying to sound happy but cursing her very soul to Hell. Why? Why now, and why _here?_! "I'm not being roped into more babysitting, I hope" I joked, for the first time that day regretfully aware that I was wearing sweatpants and had my hair piled on top of my head in some sort of birds-nest-meets-cactus arrangement. Dana laughed lightly, shaking her head.

"Oh, Heavens, no. Angela tells me you're somewhat of a baker, and I was wondering if you'd be willing to lend a hand to the church bake sale! It's not for another week, but we could use all the help we can get, and it's for a good cause," she said, encouraging me with her eyes. I was barely listening to what she was asking and found myself agreeing with an enthusiasm I didn't feel. She hugged me briefly, promising to have Angela send on the details and went on with her shopping.

It would have been too much to ask for Jacob to have moved on, but no. When I turned back, he was still standing by the half-filled cart, facing me and leaning one hand on it. I didn't know why he looked like he needed the balance. It was my legs that were losing strength by the second. He nodded slightly in greeting, and I sighed. Maybe it would be best to get this over with.

"Hi, Jacob," I said, not quite slowing down to talk, but still lingering enough so as not to seem rude. I cursed his super hearing, having no doubt he could detect the sound of my heart stuttering in my chest. Obliquely, I wondered what sound it made when it broke.

He looked good. Not just as good as ever, but _better. _He was dressed in low-slung jeans and a slate grey shirt, his sneakers were new and his hair had that messy, sexy, out-of-bed look. I berated myself again for not at least combing mine before I left the house. I probably looked like a homeless person asking him for money.

"Bella," he said evenly. "Just left my dad off at your house."

I nodded, wondering when the hell Jacob Black had become so inept at beginning a conversation. The distance between us stretched, and again I blamed myself for causing this. I couldn't find any regret in me, though. I'd sat down and had breakfast with my father this morning. Charlie was alive, and nothing was worth changing that.

"Yeah, I'm just out getting some snacks for them. Seems like it's gonna be a long one," I said detachedly. His face contorted in what looked like a forced smile, but I couldn't be sure.

"Yeah, stay way from the Twinkies though, alright? Dad's-"

"Diabetic, yeah, I remember. Haven't lost my memory, Jacob. Just most of my dignity," I bit out.

The desire to let my inner sarcastic bitch loose rose with every second in his presence, and I couldn't help the sickening wave of satisfaction that came from the admonished look on his face. His jaw clenched, and he shook his head, rolling his eyes and turning away.

"Of course. How could anyone forget?" he muttered, making my hackles rise.

"I certainly haven't," I retorted, not quite done with him yet. "Oh and another thing... I'm not sure if it's you or Sam or whoever I should be talking about this to, but Paul's treading a fine line towards exposure. Charlie almost saw him today. He should start watching his ass."

Jacob huffed exasperatedly, turning to me again. "I'll talk to him, is that all?" he asked, clearly realising it was a bad idea to try and reason with me.

"Well, no, he also gave me a full-frontal, but I've got my own ideas to get him back for that," I said, turning to leave. Jacob's eyes widened.

"He what? I'll kill him. Perverted sonovabitch," he grumbled, knuckles tightening on the handle of the shopping cart. I frowned at him, unsure of how he could feel this strongly about protecting me.

"Why do _you_ care anyway?" I asked.

"Because he's out of line, and he thinks he can do whatever he wants. And you're my best-" he hesitated, his eyes meeting mine again. He let out a breath, chewing on his bottom lip for a beat before he finished: "It's still my job to take care of you, Bella."

Something in me began to melt, and I opened my mouth to say something, _anything, _that would go towards healing the rift between us, but then movement behind him caught my eye. Melanie approached us cautiously, and I wasn't sure if it was down to a fear of interrupting or a fear of _me. _I let out a frustrated breath, as all the reasons I was mad at him came flooding back. He'd still messed up, still let me get caught up in him when he couldn't be sure I would get hurt, and still convinced me to take a chance on him. If he was really taking care of me, if he was really that concerned for my well-being, that wouldn't have happened.

"No, it isn't Jake. Not anymore," I said, taking a breath to will away the tears I felt forming.

I pushed my chin up, squared my shoulders and nodded at her in greeting. Mumbling my goodbyes, I rounded the corner, keeping up the facade of calm until I got everything through the self-service check-out and got to the truck. I sat there for endless seconds, wondering how it took one look at Jacob to make me forget why I wanted him out of my life in the first place. My resolve was back two-fold, and now that I'd forced myself to see Jacob and his new, perfect life, it was decided. As soon as Victoria was gone, I was out of here, and I refused to let love make me its prisoner in this town again.

_All your friends seem like enemies  
when you're broken down and empty._

_So say goodbye to love,_  
_and hold your head up high._  
_There's no need to rush_  
_we're all just waiting, waiting to die._

* * *

**A/N. Ever had that person in your life who, when they're not around, you're sure you're getting over them and then they pop back up and you're back to square one? That's who Jake is for Bella right now, so forgive her for her back-and-forth emotions.**

**Charlie's the only thing making her sure she dud the right thing here, everything else is a mess. There will be a few more things to show her she made the right decision, though.**

**I'd really really love to hear your thoughts.**


	11. Distractions

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Distractions**

My mood stayed under its dark cloud the whole ride home. I slammed the door of my truck angrily, ignoring the attention-seeking rustling coming from the trees. I was really not in the mood for another exchange of threats with Paul, and I held a halting hand towards him as I walked back into the house with my one bag of groceries. There had been a lot more on my list, but it would have been a cold day in hell before I would have spent extra time in that store with Jake and the life-stealer.

Leaning back against the front door, I drew in several calming breaths before Charlie's voice reminded me I wasn't alone in the house. Billy shot me a tentative glance as he wheeled into view, nodding solemnly and pressing his lips together.

"Bella," he said. "It's nice to see you again, sweetheart." The pained look on his face made my hackles rise, but I couldn't bring myself to lash out at Billy. No matter what, he was Jacob's father and he wanted the best for him, and that clearly wasn't me. I gave him a half smile and leaned down to wrap my arms around his neck in greeting.

"I'm glad to see you too, Billy," I replied, only half-lying. "I come bearing snacks." I held up the carrier bag and proceeded to make my way into the kitchen, placing my purchases on plates and into bowls and bringing them back out to the last two men in my life that didn't make me want to tear my hair out. Billy reminded me of Jake, sure, but more than anything he reminded me of wisdom, strength and family. Billy was a second father to me, and no amount of hurt would make me want to give that up.

The truth was, I missed him. I missed the Pack and La Push and I _really _missed Jacob, but it would be a long time before I'd be able to admit that out loud. At that moment, I was still hoping for a miracle that would help them catch Victoria and let me get on with my life. Staying here meant seeing them and seeing them meant missing them. I was holding out hope for an 'out of sight, out of mind' strategy, even if it hadn't really worked with the Cullens when they left.

My steps froze on my way up the stairs. _The Cullens._

I hadn't so much as given them more than a passing thought since everything had crashed around me. It struck me that the grief and heartbreak I expected to feel from giving them up was just not..._there._ Less than two days ago, I'd been engaged to Edward, with only the slightest doubts that I was doing the right thing. If Charlie hadn't been killed, I could honestly say that I would have followed through. I would probably be planning a wedding right now, mourning the loss of Jake as my best friend and praying I made the right choice. Here, though, in this reality, it had been months since I'd actually thought of Edward, and having both sets of memories warring in my brain, I realised I felt most connected to these ones. That moment, all those months ago when I surrendered to Jacob and my love for him, and the subsequent weeks where I just uncurled my fingers from the ledge and let myself fall for him had given me a second life, a new outlook that showed me that the world didn't end just because Edward left me, and if anything, loving someone else could be easier than I imagined. When I was with Jacob, it was like the part of me that was missing was patched up.

Then the imprint happened, and a brand new part was ripped away, and I didn't think I had it in me to risk letting it be healed again. What's the point, when someone else will come along to poke at the stitches? I'd prefer a life as the walking wounded, with protective walls around myself than be riddled with holes that festered with every new heartbreak.

Angrily, I sighed as I threw myself face-down on my bed, scanning my bookshelf from where I lay in the hopes that there'd be at least one novel that didn't make me want to throw up on the pages. There wasn't.

I rolled over on my back, trying to tune out the short, sharp barks emanating through the window. Whatever Paul wanted, he'd have to wait. I had some prime wallowing time scheduled for this evening, and I wasn't going to give it up so he could make a nuisance of himself. He wasn't getting the hint, though, and I grunted frustratedly, walking across the room and peering out the window. I glared as the silver wolf wagged his tail and pawed the air. The cute puppy-thing _so _did not work on me.

Unlocking the window latch, I slid my ipod dock from the desk to the ledge, pointed the speakers right out the window and scanned the playlist for the least Paul-like artist._ Bingo._

_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I don't like your girlfriend!  
No way! No way!  
I think you need a new one  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I could be your girlfriend!_

Paul's wolf froze and cocked its head to one side. I narrowed my eyes through the glass at him and smirked. _Told you I'd get you back for that._

He shook out his large head, ruffling his ears and glared right back at me, letting out another bark. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head 'no' and upped the volume on the dock. He could take his punishment like a man and be done with it. I fished my cell out of my sweats, plugging it in on the charger before I hit the repeat button and headed back to the bed for more life-sucks-for-Bella time.

After the fifth rendition of Avril's catchy masterpiece, I heard a tapping on the windowpane, that I first mistook for the beginnings of rainfall. It was only when they became more forceful but sparse that I sat up to investigate. Paul – the human variety - stood once again in my back yard, covered only with a pair of tattered cut-offs. They weren't even fastened and sat on his hips loosely, looking dangerously close to exposing him again. He had a handful of pebbles in one hand and was in the process of throwing another one when I heaved up the window fully.

"What do you _want_?" I snapped, turning the volume down slightly. I figured he would have got the hint that I didn't feel like talking already, but I guess some people needed it spelled out for them. He shrugged, his lips turning down at the corners in a gesture of indifference.

"I'm bored," he said. "I've been sat here since you left earlier. Jake was in town so there was no need to patrol there. I've just been staring into space and enjoying the musical interlude and I realised that we didn't get to finish our conversation earlier."

I raised an eyebrow, genuinely wondering what the hell he was referring to, and musing that this was the most he'd ever said to me in all the time we'd known each other. It seemed to me, like Paul was up to something, but for the life of me, I didn't have an inkling what it was. All I could remember from our encounter before was his unabashed nakedness and feeling like my face was on fire. I couldn't even be sure there had been an exchange of words as once again an image of Paul's exposed crotch flashed in my mind's eye. I groaned involuntarily. I was going to have to try to actively repress all memories of that... thing.

He smirked knowingly and rolled back on his heels with his fists pressed into his hips. He was posed like Superman, for Christ sake. "Reliving the moment, huh?"

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. "Reliving the horror, more like." His overconfidence really rubbed me the wrong way, but for once I welcomed trading insults with someone who wasn't easily offended. "What conversation are we talking about?"

His jaw clenched momentarily as he studied me, and I got the impression he was either debating whether I was feigning my ignorance or wondering whether or not to remind me. After several pretty uncomfortable moments – Paul Lahote's eyes were pretty intense on a good day, never mind when you were under his close scrutiny – he took a breath and relented.

"About Leah. About what she said about me."

My head jerked back in confusion. "Leah? She barely talks about you. What does it matter anyway?" I said, genuinely perplexed. Just then, my cell started vibrating loudly on my nightstand. I took one look at the screen before I shut it off. I was in no mood to answer Mike right now, and especially not with a wolf eavesdropping. When I got back to the window, Paul let his gaze wander around the yard for a few moments before speaking again. Confessing even the slightest thing to me seemed to pain him almost physically.

"You know about... about us, right?" he asked, his voice dropping lower than was probably necessary. It was early evening but the street was deserted, and Billy and Charlie were yelling at the TV like Statler and Waldorf from The Muppets.

I shrugged a shoulder. "She said you two hooked up once, before you phased. That's it. Why?"

"That's all? She didn't tell you anything else?" he said, agitatedly holding his hand out, palm-up before him.

"Shouldn't you be able to see whatever she says next time she phases? I thought there were no secrets in your big happy family," I said, trying not to sound too sarcastic.

"Just humour me," he replied, a look of pleading dawning momentarily over his face.

I shrugged. "She said she was drunk. That it was fun but she regretted it ever since you both made the Pack."

A flicker of something that looked suspiciously like disappointment flashed in his eyes before he looked away. His posture tensed up again, and when he looked back at me, _Paul _was once again there.

"Damn right it was fun," he said, jutting his jaw up towards me proudly. "Let me know if you wanna find out first-hand, Swan. Just call me Healer of Broken Hearts."

I shook my head in annoyance, wrinkling my nose at the smug look on his face. This guy was unbelievable. "I'm good, thanks," I deadpanned. "Besides, I don't think anyone's heart was healed by your diseased di-"

"Hey, look, Quil's here!" he said, cutting into my tirade. Something told me it was more to change the subject than to shield his Pack brother from any unsavoury speech. I'd heard Quil talk more than most, and some of the more choice phrases that came out of his mouth would have a sailor blushing. Whatever was going on with Paul and Leah, it wasn't public knowledge, and it would be a long time before that changed.

The chocolate wolf loped into view, casting looks between Paul and myself and back again. He sat on his haunches, tail flicking out behind him suspiciously as his tongue lolled out. Quil wanted to know what was going on.

"We're just talking. Quil," I said irritatedly. "Why is everyone so damn interested in my social life?" It had started to wear thin weeks ago, and I waited for the moment when he phased back to bombard me with useless questions, just like they all did. I really appreciated everything they were doing for me, but did they have to be so nosey while they did it?

Quil narrowed his eyes at Paul and let out the slightest of growls. The human of the two scoffed obnoxiously in reply and raised an eyebrow.

"Please, as if I'd ever see you as a threat, Ateara," Paul sneered, getting a visible reaction out of Quil when one large paw stepped towards him and the growling increased. I looked anxiously around the area. It was getting dark out, but not so dark that someone would miss the two large wolves fighting each other in my back yard.

"Guys, cool it. I've got neighbours, you know!" I hissed, turning the volume of my ipod down even more. Quil looked up towards me apologetically, his large eyes lingering on my face for a little longer than was necessary. He looked curious and a little concerned, but seemed to snap out of it as soon as it registered he was looking at me any certain way.

Paul smiled triumphantly at him and turned to leave, but not before looking back over his shoulder at me and calling out: "Don't forget my offer, Snow White..." as he unzipped his cut-offs and yanked them down, exposing his naked butt to me for the first time. I was no less embarrassed than earlier. I heard a loud chuckle disappear off into the trees, followed by off-key singing.

"_Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your girlfriend! No way! No way..."_

I narrowed my eyes in his wake, grunting in anger and slamming the window down without so much as another word to Quil. This was _not _over.

* * *

I groaned in frustration as I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock. The Newtons had somehow convinced me that getting paid double for a shift was reason enough to give up my Sunday morning, and for the life of me, I couldn't recall why I'd ever agreed. I padded drowsily towards the bathroom, feeling my way through my morning routine half-heartedly. Studying my reflection in the mirror, I started to realise the reason I'd been wearing make-up lately. I looked like shit in the mornings. I needed all the help I could get.

A little concealer under my eyes and a small amount of eyeliner made me look a little more awake, but more than anything, it made me look less like myself. I kind of liked that. Maybe Bitch Bella had been on to something.

My steps faltered just after I locked the front door behind me, toast frozen mid air and travel mug forgotten as I took in the sight of Embry, looking peeved and less than enthusiastic to be spending any time with me, leaning against the driver's door of my truck. I schooled my features into a look of indifference and forged on, studying the tense look on his face and how he refused to meet my eyes. He held out one hand, sighing and scanning the street vigilantly.

"Keys," he almost barked. I frowned in response, taking another bite of my on-the-go breakfast and waiting for him to look at me. After a few seconds of silence, he did just that, raising an expectant brow.

"I'm perfectly capable of driving myself to work," I retorted, walking towards him and placing a hand on the door handle. He muttered something under his breath and shook his head. "What was that?" I asked irritatedly.

"I said I knew you'd be impossible," he replied, meeting my gaze again. "Look, Bella, I wasn't supposed to tell you, but the red-head bitch was back last night; Quil chased her off but she came closer than we'd want. Just let me drive in case she decides to make a re-appearance and you end up wrapping your truck around a pole."

A stab of fear made its way through my gut and into my chest, and before I could even think, the keys were nestled in Embry's hand and I was walking dutifully towards the passenger door. It was a few minutes of silence, me scanning the windows fearfully as my heart thumped painfully against my ribs. It felt like my lungs were going to explode..

"So I hear you and Hair-Gel are an item now," he said, his eyes flicking towards me for a second before they went back on the road. I turned to look at him properly, but his demeanour gave nothing away.

"His name is Mike. So what if we are?" I asked. I had no idea where he would have gotten this information, but I wasn't going to admit to any of the guys in the Pack that my love life had been ruined by my inability to get over Jacob.

Embry gave a half-shrug. "Just wondering, it seems a little out of character for you," he mused, and I would bet my college fund that he was hiding a smirk under that calm expression.

"Why, because he's human?" I sneered. I felt like we'd had this conversation already. He seemed to ponder on this for a few seconds before replying.

"Not that, but because any time you mentioned him, you made him sound like a total dweeb. I didn't have you down for a hypocrite," he said. I opened my mouth to reply, but could think of nothing.

"I don't say 'dweeb'," I replied lamely. It was the best I could come up with. Embry didn't bother to hide the smirk this time.

"But you _do_ think he's a douchebag?" he asked, slowing down for a traffic light. I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering how he knew this when I never once recalled discussing Mike with anyone in La Push.

"No," I retorted, "He's a nice guy, and he's liked me for a long time. What does it hurt if I go on a few dates with him?"

Embry laughed softly, shaking his head and looked in the rear-view mirror. Directing his attention back on the road. I waited impatiently for him to answer, and folded my arms. He ignored the petulant look on my face and I sighed, looking out my own window. He still wasn't speaking, and I shot him one last glare before looking away again.

"Because you're settling. Come on, Bella. _'He's liked you?' _Doesn't sound like the beginning of an epic love story," he replied, taking me by surprise. I was out of snarky answers, so I shook my head. Embry pulled the truck back into traffic and the next minute ticked by in silence. Before I knew it, he was pulling into the parking lot at Newtons.

"Just because you've been hurt doesn't mean you should go for the safest option. And just because he's human, doesn't mean he can't hurt you."

"I'm not settling," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I wanted out of the truck. I wanted to get away from him and his stupid theories about my fears and my love life. Who did he think he was, talking to me like that? He barely knew me. _I _barely knew me. "And it's none of your business, anyway. How do you know I don't really like Mike, huh? Maybe we got on really well on our date?"

Even _I _didn't believe the crap I was spouting. The look on Embry's face told me he didn't, either.

"Fine," he said, holding up his hands defensively. "What do I know?"

I stuck out my jaw defiantly and looked out the front of the truck. _Crap. _Mike was outside the store, about to open up for the day.

"Oh, there's your boyfriend now," Embry said, feigning excitement. I fought the urge to smack him, knowing what his jaw would probably do to my hand. "Why don't you go over there and lay a big ol' kiss on him, since you like him so much," he dared.

"I- we don't..." I wracked my brain for excuses as to why I wouldn't kiss a guy I was dating but fell short. My brain was _so _not alert enough for this, for _him_.

I narrowed my eyes at him before slamming the door behind me and stomped towards Mike, who was looking at me with a mixture of hope and fear as I stood in front of him. I took a deep breath and leaned in... but I couldn't do it. My hand hovered over his cheek for a millisecond before I rested it on his shoulder, patting awkwardly.

"Good morning, Mike," I said, refusing to turn round and see the look of triumph on Embry's face.

Mike mumbled his 'hello' before unlocking the shop-front, turning the lights on and beginning to set up for the day. An awkward silence was the order of the day between us as we got busy stock-taking for the summer period.

It was only when Embry came at noon, dangling my keys off one finger with an infuriatingly smug expression that I something dawned on me.

"You forgot these in your quest for kisses," he said, trying not to laugh.

I pulled the keys off his finger, biting my lip to hold in the sarcastic retort and I realised, right then, that I hadn't thought about Victoria all morning.

* * *

**A/N: So I haven't updated in a while, but had a lot going on in RL that was kind of more important, namely one of my best friends moving to the other side of the world. Goodbyes really suck, don't they?**

**Anywho, a special thanks for this chapter goes to Meliz875, who is Embry's biggest cheerleader, and if I'm doing him an injustice, I just _know _she'll fight his corner. Thanks so much for being my voice of reason, sweetie.**

**So I know a lot of you have picked up the tension between Bella and Paul – hopefully you'll see now that it wasn't all it seemed, he's got a few secrets of his own.**

**Hope you liked Embry's little appearance. :)**


	12. Paul Has Rabies

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Paul Has Rabies**

The silent fuming I'd done all morning at work gave way to a contemplative silence, one that I was happy Mike respected, for the most part. He'd attempted to engage me in several bouts of small talk, but my non-committed answers and distracted grunts seemed to finally give him the hint, and I'd retired to kneeling in a far-off corner of the store, to make a ritual out of arranging and noting down the various types of hiking boots we carried. But I couldn't stop wondering about Embry.

_Product code: S18276_

_How dare he look at me like he knows everything._

_Outer: Leather Sole: Rubber. Lining: Wool_

_Who the hell does he think he is? Was it a trick? Some kind of experiment to keep himself occupied?_

_Mens sizes: 10- 14; 24 in stock._

_Was it for my own good? Or is he still mad at me and trying to piss me off? _

Lately, things had been strained between us in a way I wasn't used to. We'd never been close, in either versions of reality, but it surprised me how his behaviour had made me feel. Being friends with Quil and Embry had been effortless, something I almost took for granted because as long as I had Jake, I had them. Embry and I had this quiet understanding that ensured he always backed me up in a squabble and I always joked that I'd run off with him the moment Jake's back was turned. Every memory I had of him was a pleasant one, from jokes and light-hearted scuffles to prank calling the Elders. It was silly, and juvenile, but I missed it. It was something I never thought I'd lose, just like I hadn't thought I'd lose Jacob. But I didn't have Jake anymore, so where did that leave him?

It felt like one-by-one, each relationship in my life was eroding or re-forming, and I wasn't sure what to do about any of it. A lot of the blame was laid at my feet – I knew I'd been 'impossible', as _he'd_ delicately put it earlier – but didn't I have a right to be a little grumpy? Not only had I let my heart get broken, but I'd since found out that I'd willingly given up an eternity with someone I had truly loved, thinking I was making the right choice to be with another, but only to find that I'd end up alone. Charlie was still the only thing in this world convincing me I'd done the right thing. Jacob never wanted to fall victim to imprinting. Did that mean that I'd inflicted this upon him?

I sighed as I stretched out my legs in front of me. I needed to stop this, stop harbouring the blame for things that weren't entirely my fault. Embry seemed to be of the opinion that I should suck it up, move on and really fall for someone again. It was easy for him to say; what did he know about watching the person you love and care for focus all their attentions on someone just like you, with a few differences? It wasn't my fault I was born to my parents. It wasn't my fault that whatever part of my family tree that decided I wasn't meant for Jacob had denied me of everything I wanted. Out of anyone, Embry should know what it means to be unable to help the circumstances of your birth.

But no, there he was, practically shoving me out of my perfectly adequate, slightly bitter comfort zone to a place I wasn't ready for yet, and making me feel bad about not being there. I focused on my distaste for him and his theories and his judgement, and ignored the niggling part of me that told me he was looking out for me, and the reason he'd been so aggressive in his questions this morning was to distract me from my crippling fear that Victoria was around every corner.

The thoughts were still running a rampant circle in my head when the time came to clock off for the day. The dread I had about seeing Embry again, and not being sure how to handle his cross of Obi-Wan and Dear Abby ebbed away when I caught sight of Angela, jogging past Newtons with her earphones in. I saw my chance and struck.

"Ang! Hey!" I called, waving my arms fruitlessly as I approached her. It was pointless. She was lost in some sort of fitness trance, and I hadn't even been aware she owned a pair of running shoes.

I picked up my pace to reach her, inevitably finding something large – or microscopic - enough to trip over and hurling unstoppably into her back. She screeched loudly as we both fell to the ground, and I promptly launched into a barrage of apologies as I helped her back to her feet. I tried to ignore the snort of laughter I heard coming from the other side of my parked truck, I really did, but I couldn't help shooting a glare in his direction. Embry could go suck it if he thought I was willingly spending any more time near him and his little _observations _today.

"It's fine, Bella, really. My mom's always telling me I shouldn't have the volume up so loud anyway," she soothed, but the burning in my face was far from sated.

"Um, let me buy you a coffee? My treat. It's the least I can do for almost spraining something vital," I replied, forcing a smile. I just wanted her to be my way out of the inevitable truck drive home. Angela smiled and shrugged.

"Sure, I mean, if it would ease your conscience," she said, eyeing me speculatively. I couldn't help the triumphant smirk I shot Embry's way. Hopefully his shift would be over by the time we were done, and I could prepare some real answers before seeing him again. I didn't know what the hell it was about this morning that got my back up so much, but I couldn't shake the feeling off.

"It would. Come on, let's walk," I suggested giving her an encouraging smile.

"Are you alright Bella? You seem... different," she observed, and I could tell that the ever-polite Angela was holding something back.

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine," I hedged, my eyes scanning the near-empty street warily. I suddenly realised it might not have been the best idea to ditch the wolf just because talking to him was making me uncomfortable. I looked back to her again, frowning slightly. "What do you mean?"

She avoided my gaze expertly, wrapping the wires of her headphones around her ipod and securing them. A shrug came before she answered. "Last time we hung out you were... kinda..."

"Bitchy?" I finished, cringing as a memory of my bored and uninterested tone filtered back into my memory. "Yeah, sorry about that. I'm trying to crawl back out of that place. Reserving my acid tongue for the male species these days," I smiled. She returned it with a sigh of relief.

"Happy to hear that, Bella. It seemed like just as we were getting you back you got knocked right back down again." A concerned crease appeared between her brows. "I hate to see you have to go through all of this, really."

The outpouring of sentiment in her eyes made me look away, and I realised that Angela was the first person in my life – apart from Leah, that is - to treat me like I actually had a right to feel angry, or that it was okay to not be over everything yet. She didn't know the whole story, of course, but I knew that if she did, she'd still be fighting my corner. For what felt like the umpteenth time, I berated myself for not being a better friend to her.

Two hours and three coffees later, I couldn't make any more excuses to keep Angela with me. She'd cautiously avoided any mention of Ben and I internally thanked her for it. I was glad she was happy, but any talk of successful relationships just reminded me what a steaming pile of crap my love life had become, and brought up mental images of Jacob in his happily-imprinted bliss. Her cell rang for a second time, with her mom informing her that she was coming to pick her up before she missed curfew. I reiterated my promise to help out with the church bake sale as I hugged Angela goodbye, and started the walk back to my truck.

Scanning the street for any sign of threat - supernatural or otherwise, I picked up my pace, sure I was being followed but hoping like hell that it was my overactive imagination. But when had anything ever been my imagination?

Suddenly, everything in the rapidly disappearing sunlight seemed foreboding, and my breaths came short and sharp and I questioned why the hell I'd given up an escorted ride home in favour of being snatched by Victoria at sunset. I rounded the last corner before Newtons, just praying that I didn't end up breaking a leg in the process of getting there when a large hand grabbed my upper arm, halting my steps where I stood. All I could muster was a startled shriek before my breath seized right in my chest.

"Bella? Bella it's me! Shit, I'm sorry I scared you!"

I blinked in the beams of the setting sun, finally piecing together the sensations of the strong, warm hand, the woodsy scent, the deep voice and the large figure silhouetted in the rose-orange rays.

"Jake?" I breathed, squinting to see. I knew before I'd even finished saying it that I was wrong – the figure wasn't tall enough, and even through the spots in my vision from my oxygen-starved brain, I could see that there wasn't enough brawn on display. It was Seth, and he was looking at me like a puppy who'd made a mess on the rug.

"Uh," he began clearing his throat awkwardly, "No, it's Seth. I'm here to take you home now. Embry said you were having coffee with a friend and I should wait by the truck, but I heard you coming. Did you see something?"

He was looking around himself stiffly and sniffing the air, and I gave a relieved smile at his vigilance. Out of all the wolves, I knew both Clearwaters were the most tolerant of me – Leah had anger and experience backing me up, but Seth had empathy and understanding.

"No, I guess I just let the paranoia get the better of me," I replied, fishing around for my keys. "Thanks for watching over me, Seth. Hop in."

That night, and the two days following, I slipped into the routine of having my furry babysitters around me constantly. I had to admit, it did help me sleep a little sounder at night, and I felt like I was getting some of my freedom back, but that could have been because my bodyguards were the less talkative Collin, Brady and Jared, and the only way I knew they were there was the occasional flash of fur amongst the trees.

I got used to my own company again, and although I was determined not to become the recluse I had last winter, I found the opportunity to reconnect with myself was one I hadn't really had in a while. When was the last time I was just _Bella?_ Not part of a couple, or one half of a whole?

I re-read short stories and poetry I loved, and listened to music that had nothing to do with romance. I watched movies that I didn't like to admit to loving in front of Edward, or that Jake wouldn't have sat and watched without complaining and making fun of the characters. I cleaned my room. I rearranged it. I rearranged it again and save for some photos, I threw out anything I could find that would tie me to the person I was when I was with either of my exes.

I rearranged my_self._

I wanted to become somebody new; not necessarily the bitchy, dark version of myself I knew had been throwing her weight around, but someone who didn't take crap from anyone, and who wasn't so easily ditched. I wanted to be someone who was as sure of who she was as possible. Maybe then people like Embry wouldn't have me all figured out.

Alright, yeah, I was still dwelling on that. The smug look on his face when he brought me my keys was playing on some sort of loop in my head. I was plagued by_L'esprit de l'escalier,_ every time I thought of it; that situation where you come up with all your good comebacks after the opportunity has passed. (Yeah, so I'm a geek who uses French phrases to describe how I'm feeling. Who else is as lame as_ that_?) There was a huge part of me that knew I was being challenged, but I didn't think I had it in me to truly rise to it.

I wanted the new person I was becoming to be _worthy. _Was that so bad?

_Apparently_ it _was_. Some time Tuesday night, I was laying upside down on my bed, fully dressed but shoeless, and had my feet planted on the wall above my headboard. Newtons were having a quiet week, and I wasn't scheduled to work again until the next afternoon, so I was getting the last of my 'me-time' in while I had the chance by listening to music and just letting my mind wander. Or at least I would be, if there wasn't a succession of annoying barks breaking my concentration every few seconds. Paul was ridiculous – I knew he just wanted to shake me down for information on Leah; whatever fascination he'd developed for her seemed to occupying all the time he didn't spend being a complete and utter pain in my ass. I resolved to ignore him all night if I had to.

But he was making it impossible. I sighed heavily, making my way downstairs for warm milk, or anything that would help me sleep, when I caught sight of Charlie peering out the kitchen window like a man possessed.

"Who the hell owns that dog, Bells?"

My knee-jerk reaction was to jump to Paul's defence, banishing Charlie's thoughts of hunting him down or chasing him off, but the words died on my lips, only to be replaced by a smirk. I still didn't think I'd really gotten him back for his little strip-tease the other day, and I saw my opportunity to mess with him a bit.

"I think it's a stray, Dad... I saw something in the woods at the end of the garden, it looked diseased, like it has rabies or something," I said in mock concern. It probably wasn't too far from the truth, although I doubted any of the afflictions Paul Lahote was incubating would fall under the foaming-at-the-mouth category. Charlie sighed loudly and shook his head.

"Damn vermin. Someone outta put that thing out of it's misery," he muttered, reaching for his holster where it hung by the back door. My eyes widened momentarily, and I stepped in front of him, blocking his advance.

"Wait, Dad... you're not gonna shoot it, are you?" I asked, feeling suddenly panicked. I wanted to see Paul suffer, and although Jake had once told me that a bullet wouldn't really take him down, I wasn't quite willing to test that theory out.

"No, sweetie. I'm just going to scare it off... it's almost midnight and it's showing no signs of shutting up any time soon," he replied, eyeing me like I had lost the plot.

Sighing in relief, I stepped aside while my father stalked out into the darkness. I couldn't see any sign of Paul, and the barking had stopped, but I had no doubt he was still among the trees, watching us in silence.

"Do you see it, Bells?" Charlie hissed, holding his gun aloft and crouching. He looked like something from a bad western, and I smiled as I shook my head 'no'. The sound of a cracking branch alerted both our attention, and I briefly worried that Paul would actually be dumb enough to show himself when Charlie was right there.

"On second thoughts, maybe you should just shoot it, Dad. The poor thing is probably crazy with fever. It's the humane thing to do," I said, knowing it was loud enough for Paul to hear. I can't be sure, but I heard what sounded suspiciously like a gasp before Charlie caught my focus again.

"You think? I guess- Hey! Did you see that?" he exclaimed, aiming his gun again at the darkened tree-line. "Maybe I should just-" he cocked the pistol then, and pointed the barrel straight into the sky. The resulting shot that rang out almost deafened me, but there was no mistaking the rustle of trees as Paul escaped with his tail between his legs.

"I think you scared him well enough, Dad," I said with a triumphant smile.

I should have known that I was just fanning the flames; everything just started escalating from there. What was the point in engaging with someone who had no shame, when I blushed at the drop of a hat? What Paul did in retaliation for that little stunt made his amateur strip tease look like a walk in the park, and I didn't think I was ever going to live it down.

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**A/N: Alright, this chapter may seem like a lot of filler to you, but trust me, there's a reason for everything. If you've read any of my other stories, you'll know that much.**

**I'm having way too much fun writing Paul, but isn't it interesting how Embry got right under her skin without being half as irritating? Hmmm.**

**Let me know what you think. :)**


	13. Busybodies and KnowItAlls

****_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

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**Chapter Thirteen: Busybodies and Know-it-alls**

The next morning, I woke up late with a sense of dread. I wasn't completely sure of the pack's Bella Watch schedule, but I had this sinking feeling that if the routine of the past few days held up, today meant that Embry was my babysitter, and I wasn't sure how long I could actually avoid him. After getting out of bed after ten to an empty house, I moved to the upstairs window, searching the tree line for any sign of him, but my attention was grabbed by something entirely different. Paul was standing on the sidewalk – fully dressed, for once, and talking to Mrs Ableman, one of my elderly neighbours from down the street. She was a well-known gossip and busybody around Forks, and I'd been the subject of some of her more inventive rumours when I started dating Edward. Something told me that if she knew the truth about that relationship, her blue-rinsed perm would stand straight out on her head.

It looked she had been walking her Yorkshire terrier, Henry, but had evidently been flagged down by him for reasons unknown. I could see something balled up in his hand – a small piece of material, it looked like, and he was alternating his gestures between it and the house as he engaged her in conversation. My blood ran cold – whatever he was up to, I was one hundred per cent sure I would not like it.

I'd realised soon after Paul's hasty departure last night that I'd probably ended up making so much worse for myself – if nothing else, Paul was competitive and cocky, and it would only be a matter of time before setting my armed father on him would come back to bite me in the ass. What I hadn't anticipated, though, was retaliation the very next morning. The guy was up to no good – the half-smirk on his face as he turned on the charm on old Beatrice told me that much.

Pulling on a pair of sweats and a hooded shirt, I rushed down the stairs and almost tore the front door off its hinges. It was time for damage control, and lots of it. Both heads turned in my direction once the bang of the door rang out, and Paul's smirk turned into a full-fledged, beaming smile as soon as he laid eyes on me.

"Baby!" he called enthusiastically. "I'm so psyched to see you!"

He ran straight up to me, picked me up off the ground and planted a firm – overly tongued - kiss on my mouth. I was so shocked by the whole gesture that I just stiffly waited for him to finish, my mind going completely blank with the unexpectedness of it all. After what seemed like an eternity, he pulled away, before briefly nuzzling my nose in an Eskimo kiss as he held me aloft in his iron grip. I was at a loss; my mouth gaped open and closed like a dying trout and I just stared speechlessly at him until he put me down.

" I was just telling Beatrice here all about us," he said sweetly, swinging a rock-hard arm around my shoulders and hugging me close. "You know, about our little heated encounter the other night, and how you gave me these to help me find you..."

My heart stopped as he held up a pair of lacy red panties, and proceeded to swing them around one finger as he raised an eyebrow. I had no words. Seriously. For the second, non-vampire related time in my life, the English language failed me.

He kissed my forehead and laid his head on top of mine shooting a smile right back at Mrs Ableman, who was looking at me with such disapproval, I had no problem understanding why her son, Bobby, had skipped town soon after coming out. That stare could cut a person in two.

"She's like a modern day Cinderella," he sighed, chuckling light-heartedly. "I know I wasn't her first – far from it, but she told me I was _special._" Every ounce of me was itching to punch him right in his stupid smug face, but flashes of the pain I'd endured when I'd done just that to Jacob, and the desire not to give any more fodder to the rumour mill stopped me. I pulled away to smile back at Paul, even though my face was practically sizzling with humiliation. The guy was an evil genius, and I was _way_ out of my depth.

As if things couldn't get any worse, Embry appeared from the side of the house, dressed only in a pair of basketball shorts with a thunderous expression on his face. He came to a stop several feet away, his stare boring a hole in Paul's face.

"What's going on, guys?" he said through clenched teeth, and his tone was far from friendly. Paul puffed up his chest proudly and turned us both to face him.

"So glad you're here, Call. I was just sharing my joy with Beatrice here about the new woman in my life. Looks like fate finally brought me a good one," he said, waving the offending panties around in the air as he spoke. Embry's gaze zeroed in on them and an angry frown darkened his features.

"Taking my advice a little too literally, Bella, don't you think?" he replied evenly, refusing to meet my pleading gaze. How the hell could he possibly believe any of this crap?

"Embry, I-" I started, not sure how I could possibly finish that sentence with our audience present. I'd spent the last few days convincing myself that I didn't care what he thought, but the look of disgust in his expression had me straining to set the record straight. Mrs Ableman was staring with rapturous interest, as her dog strained on his leash.

"Don't let me interrupt, darling," she said, holding up a hand in surrender. She clearly now believed that I was involved with both men, and there was some kind of showdown about to take place.

"I _really_ think we should take this inside, don't you, _honey_?" I said, looking up at Paul nervously, and afraid that attempting to regain control of the situation would only encourage him. "Embry, can you..." I jerked my head back towards the house urgently, but he still wouldn't meet my eye.

"I wouldn't want to interrupt something," he said sarcastically, he said, taking a step backwards. "I'm sure I'll get the rundown of events later." With that, he about-turned, and all but jogged back to his hiding place, his shoulders tensed with something I couldn't quite place.

I sighed heavily, grabbing Paul's hand and tugging it as hard as I could towards the front steps. "Come on, _sweetpea_, let's talk in here," I urged, feigning affection. Paul leisurely waved goodbye to Beatrice just before I slammed the door behind us.

"What the fuck was _that?_" I snarled as soon as I turned to face him, which prompted him to descend into fits of laughter, shaking his body so violently that he doubled over and clutched at his stomach.

"Oh man, you should have seen your face!" he spluttered, reaching up to wipe a tear of mirth from his eye. I grabbed a cushion off the couch and proceeded to start beating him over the head with it, but it only served to increase his laughter.

"Where the hell did you even get these?" I screeched, pulling the panties out of his hand and holding them up to his face. He shrugged nonchalantly.

"Sometimes the chicks I bang like to make sure I don't forget about 'em," he said matter-of-factly. My face contorted in horror and I threw thew underwear back at him.

"That is- You're- EW!" I spluttered, barely able to fully convey the depth of my disgust. Not only had he humiliated me in front of one of the nosiest women in town, made Embry think I was using Paul for rebound-sex, but now I was standing in my living room holding some skank's panties.

He started chuckling obnoxiously once again and I scoffed, turning back around and stomping away. I needed to get as far from him as possible at that moment – I was failing to see how Paul's list of conquests was so long. The guy was abhorrent.

"You're like... there should be a public service announcement about you!" I snapped, looking back to catch the vainglorious look on his face.

"Don't hate the player, hate the game," he replied arrogantly. "Don't act like you don't want a piece."

"I can safely say you're not on my Christmas list," I sneered. "It beats the hell out of me how Leah even stooped that low." A look I couldn't distinguish passed over his features for a second before he laughed off my insult.

"She wasn't exactly hard to persuade," he said, shrugging . "Not that it's any of your business."

Something about his posture screamed defensive, and I found myself taking a step closer to him, cocking my head inquisitively. Maybe I couldn't out-shame Paul Lahote, but I could probably out-scheme him. "What _is _it with you and Leah anyway?" I enquired. His eyes snapped back to mine and he furrowed his brow.

"What do you mean? It's old news."

"Could've fooled me," I shot back. "If I didn't know any better I'd say that it was a little _more _than a one-night-stand. For you, anyway." His posture stiffened and he stuck out his jaw defiantly.

"Please," he scoffed. "It'd take one hell of a chick to get under _my_ skin."

"But Leah's not just any 'chick', is she?" I asked knowingly. I took another step toward him. "She got to you."

Paul shook his head. "You're deluded, Swan. Been reading too many flouncy romance novels, it messed with your head," he said twirling his finger in a circle by his temple. I folded my arms and smirked.

"If you say so, but just remember, if you're having trouble figuring her thoughts out, you might want to keep the people she confides in a little closer." He looked at me thoughtfully for a beat before speaking again.

"You'd do that, for me?" he asked disbelievingly. I shrugged.

"For a price," I replied. He raised an eyebrow and folded his own arms.

"What are we talking?"

"No more humiliation, no more naked strutting around, and no more destroying what's left of my reputation."

He chuckled darkly. "I don't think there's much of that left," he muttered. I shot him a withering look and his face straightened out again. "Alright, I'll bite. What will you do for me?"

"Get Leah talking, maybe see what her thoughts are about you now. I'll report back as long as you promise to keep up your own end of the bargain, and try not to let her, or anyone else see, " I said warningly. "Try to keep any memories of this or any future talks out of your head while phased, as well as our little war-games. She'd kill me if she knew I'd gone double-agent."

He mulled this over for a few moments before smiling and holding out a hand. "As long as you do the same. Doesn't sound too hard, we've all learned a thing-or-two about keeping the private stuff private from that little Embry wiener. Deal," he said.

I smiled back, smugly pleased with myself. Maybe Paul thought he was getting what he wanted, but it didn't mean he was getting off scot-free for what he'd pulled this morning. I'd made sure he couldn't retaliate without compromising our deal, but I'd made no such promise. I was going to have to think of something pretty good to pay him back for _this._

Paul left soon after our peaceful negotiations, and I found it was time to start getting ready for work. After taking a quick shower and picking out some clothes that didn't scream I-have-one-night-stands-with-manwhores, I locked up the house and made my way outside. I knew Embry had to still be around, and I took my time getting to the cab door, squinting into the tree-line for any sign of him. He was there, still, managing to look pissed off, even as a wolf.

"Embry," I hissed, looking around for passers-by. "Can I talk to you?" He disappeared farther into the trees upon the sound of my voice, and I felt my heart sink. I wasn't sure why I valued his opinion so much, but I had to try and defend myself. I was about to turn back to the truck when his voice startled me, coming out of a copse of trees to my left.

"What about?" he said dejectedly, emerging from the foliage re-dressed and stand-offish. I frowned at him; I knew why I was feeling shitty right then, but what was his excuse?

"What do _you _think?" I shot back. "You know Paul was full of shit this morning, right?"

He met my gaze for the first time all day and raised an eyebrow. "He was?"

"Of course," I sighed. "You really think I'm the type to go handing my panties out, and to someone like _him?_"

A smirk tugged at his full lips before he pressed them together. "Guess not, they didn't look like something you'd wear. Although what you do with your panties is none of my business, clearly," he muttered, before looking back at me, his eyes widening at shock at what he'd just said. "I mean, they're your panties, if you want to keep 'em on... Wait! That's not what I..." he trailed off, cringing.

For once, I wasn't the only person in the conversation whose face was lighting up like a Christmas tree.

"Can you stop talking about my panties, Em?" I said bashfully, looking anywhere but at him and chewing on my bottom lip. This was definitely not the direction I'd envisioned this conversation going.

"Yeah... I'll just stop talking," he said, dropping his face into his palm and scrubbing his hand roughly over his features. I nodded in agreement, still refusing to look at him directly. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his shorts and toed the ground awkwardly. "So... what_ was_ it all about?" he asked. I opened my mouth to reply, but the memory of my talk with Paul, and the promise we'd made to keep our little prank war and the arrangement we had a secret filtered into my mind. I closed my lips again and frowned.

"I... can't tell you," I said apologetically. His face hardened again and he sighed.

"Figures," he said frustratedly. "But just do me a favour, if you're so hell-bent on becoming this whole different person, do the rebounding with someone who I don't have to share a mind with. It's crappy enough seeing you turn into... this," he said, gesturing haphazardly towards me, "without getting to see the high-lights."

A ball of anger curled in my stomach and I took a step back from him. "I had no idea you had such a low opinion of me, Embry," I snapped, shaking my head and looking at him in betrayal. I should have known they all shared the same thoughts about me and how I'd handled everything lately.

"Actually, my opinion of you is pretty high... of the _real _you, anyway. This, Bella? It's not you. "

"Good!" I retorted. "That's just about the best thing you could say to me right now. I don't _want _to be the same as I was, and I sure as hell don't want to be someone who lets people pass judgement on me."

His jaw clenched and he shook his head, raking an hand through his hair; it was growing out still from his pack-scalping, and it seemed like he was still getting used to it. I wondered how I still had the wherewithal to speculate about Embry's hair when we were in the midst of an argument.

"What I do with my life is of no concern of yours, or any of the Pack's, so when I want your opinion, I'll ask you for it. I'm never going to be the same again, Embry, too much has happened to me. If you're waiting for the old me to make a reappearance, then you'll be waiting a long time," I said, digging my fingers into my chest. "This is who I am now, get used to it." Fuming, I turned on my heel and sighed, redoubling my effort s to reach my truck. I had been leaving the house early to get to work, but if I stayed here and listened to this any longer I was going to be late. I started walking forward, hell bent on storming off, when I heard Embry speak one again from behind me.

"I didn't think there was anything wrong with you in the first place," he said.

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**A/N: So, that was a little explosive, eh? Everything's building up slowly, but if you'll bear with me, I think you guys will really enjoy what's to come.**

**I'd love to know what you think. Personally, Embry can talk about _my _panties all he wants...**


	14. Far Away

****_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intende_

**A/N: The song used in this chapter is About Today by The National**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen: Far Away**

_Today you were far away  
and I didn't ask you why.  
What could I say?  
I was far away.  
You just walked away,  
and I just watched you.  
What could I say?_

_How close am I to losing you?_

**Embry POV**

I cursed under my breath as I watched her walk off. What the hell was it about her lately that made me say all the wrong things? I'd liked to think that if nothing else, I at least had a little tact, and could stop the outpouring of word-vomit that Quil seemed to fall victim to all the time, but in the past five minutes I'd managed to make her think I thought she was sleeping around and insinuate that she was becoming a bitch.

I could never think that way about her. Bella deserved to rain down a world of hate on everyone, just like Leah, and I knew it wasn't _really _any of my business what she did with her life now, but it didn't mean I wasn't worried.

Deep down, I knew there wasn't anything going on between her and Paul – nothing like he'd led that old lady to believe, anyway, but there was something they were keeping a secret, something that made them both clam up and get defensive. Each time I'd been phased with him in the past week, I'd seen the trade of good-natured insults they'd had with each other, but when it came to certain moments where they were alone, he'd conspicuously direct his thoughts elsewhere. He was hiding something, and my biggest fear was that he was keeping their – friendship, or whatever it was – a secret, so Jake wouldn't find out. That made me wonder if there was more to it. Imprinted or not, the last person Jake would want Bella getting involved with was Paul. Even Quil had his suspicions, having arrived at Bella's house and interrupting some sort of serious conversation, and when _Quil_ picked up on something, then you knew there was trouble.

Paul was warming to her, I knew that much. The feelings coming off him were ones of fondness and respect. We all knew how he could manipulate girls into doing just what he wanted; it was probably one of the few things he was truly good at and I guess I was worried that after everything that happened in Bella's life lately, she wasn't thinking straight, and maybe he'd gotten to her, too. Going out with the Newton douche was proof enough of that. No way in hell would she give him the time of day in her right mind, and she wasn't fooling anyone.

The night of Bella and Jacob's first date had changed all of our lives. I played the dutiful best friend, offering encouragement and telling him how happy I was that she'd finally come around. Jake was ecstatic. He'd made her a gift – a bracelet with a little charm on it. I could never have done something like that. I couldn't give her presents and we didn't have any private jokes only she would get. It ate me up inside; the knowledge of how perfect they were together, and I told myself that it's what was best for both of them, and they truly deserved each other. I'd pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I'd never be with her, but it somehow gave me comfort that I wasn't alone in that – Jake was going through the same emotions, and although he didn't know how well I empathised with him, we had each other's backs. Now _he_ was the guy to be envious about, the guy who got to hold her and call her his own, and I got to watch from the sidelines, as always. A supporting role in the Jacob Black saga. At least I'd get to see Bella all the time, I told myself. Maybe one day I'd get over her, too.

Then it happened, and everyone was so caught up in their shock and being pleased that Jake had found his other half, that they didn't have to worry about Jake being with the vampire girl, that they forgot about her, but I didn't. I'm ashamed to admit it, but a tiny part of me was happy, just for that split second after finding out. With Jacob out of the picture, maybe she'd give me the time of day, even if I didn't deserve it. She was still ridiculously out of my league, and I was painfully aware that my life wasn't some buddy-movie where the loser got the girl. I just wanted her to be okay, and I wanted her to heal, and maybe she'd let me be around to help her do that.

Then I really thought about things, thought about how she'd been hurt – by imprinting, by _a werewolf,_ and I saw any chance I had with her fly out the window. I knew that's why she'd gone out with Newton. Safety. Fear. Why would she spend any more time around the pack after the very thing we were tore her world apart?

So I kept my distance, talked to her only when I had a real excuse to, and saw her turn into someone I didn't recognise. It was killing me, seeing everything that made her Bella twist and contort into this dark, troubled person who got off on hurting those who cared about her. I hadn't expected her to stay the same, like she seemed to think I did – who could? But this wasn't who she was supposed to be either, and I mostly hated the fact that she was giving into it so freely. It was almost like she was punishing herself, like she thought she was partly to blame for the whole mess and was pushing everyone away because she didn't deserve the comfort. It was totally girl I'd wanted for so long was still in there, somewhere, if she'd just let her free.

After the imprint, she stopped coming to La Push. Who could blame her? I knew better than everyone how soul-crushing it was to watch someone you loved be with someone else. Someone you knew was better for them but you still held out that tiny sliver of hope that you'd still be enough. Melanie had brought out the side of Jake he'd been missing since he phased. He was patient again, and almost care-free. With her by his side, he finally stepped up and took his rightful position as Alpha, and the Pack was stronger than ever. Everybody liked her, and she slotted seamlessly into our dynamic like she was supposed to. Like Bella was supposed to.

Jake put us on round-the-clock patrols of Bella's house. He still loved her, but the romantic feelings were gone, and he just saw her as one of his best friends, and as far as he was concerned, she was still just as important to him and the Pack as ever. He told us that no matter what Bella did, how hard she lashed out, she was to be protected, and her safety was top priority. Before, she'd spent so much time around him and the rest of us that there had been no need for patrols, but she'd kept her distance to the point where she spent most of her time alone or with her human friends, and it just wasn't safe. I hated that she was in danger, and I hated that she even needed bodyguards in the first place, but at least I had an excuse to see her again.

Now this thing with Paul happened, and all expectations I had of Bella living a monster-free life were gone. What the hell was she doing? Was Bella getting involved with another werewolf? The only member of the pack who I knew deserved her less than I did? Maybe I was a loser who didn't know who my father was and was looked down upon by a good eighty per cent of the people on the Rez, but at least I didn't treat girls like crap and think with my dick all the time. Out of all of us she chose _this _guy? This guy who, yet again, wasn't me?

I got a handle on my thoughts just before I phased in again. Bella had already gotten a head start towards town and I needed to catch up on four legs if I was going to get there quick enough. Jake was phased in already, patrolling the Rez since the morning. As always, he was anxious to know how things with Bella were going.

_Anything?_

_Still no sign of the leech since Quil ran her off. Bella just left for work, I'm headed over that way now._

_And... how is she? Any better?_

I sighed. I got that Jake was happier than he'd ever been, but he didn't seem to get that just because everything in _his_ life had magically changed, didn't mean the same would happen for anyone else. Bella needed time. She had to sort through all the stuff in her head before she had a hope of getting over all of this.

_She's still the same, Jake. I think it's going to be a while before she'll be coming over for tea-parties._

_I know that, Em. I just hate that she's struggling with this so much._

_How else is she meant to cope? Do you think you could have watched her with someone else?_

He thought about that for a second, a brief image of Edward Cullen bringing Bella to prom flashed into his mind before he answered.

_I guess not. I just want her to be happy too, you know? It's this huge part of my life I don't get to share with her, and I just wish things weren't the way they are._

_Yeah, I know. But you have to accept that she may only be happy again without you in her life._

I knew it hurt him to hear it, but Jake didn't seem to realise that life didn't end up in a neat little bow, where once he imprinted, everyone else's feelings disappeared and Melanie and Bella could be best friends. It was too much to ask of her, and on some level he had to know that.

_If that's what it takes, I guess. We just have to keep her safe so she gets to find out for sure._

I couldn't have agreed more.

* * *

I did my duty over the next few days. Jake rearranged the schedule again – he liked to give each of us a few days off, so that the complaining would be kept to a minimum, and we could all do some odd jobs around the Rez, both to earn some extra cash and help out those who needed it. Being in the pack didn't leave much time for taking on any other work, so any time I wasn't on Bella duty, I filled my time hanging out with Quil. Things were easier around him, and I didn't feel like I was constantly watching what I said. He'd known for quite some time that my feelings for Bella ran a little deeper than I'd let anyone see, but he never pushed me on it. Emotions weren't really his forte, and he preferred to talk about stupid mundane things that didn't have me scrambling to change the subject.

Well, he _usually _did.

"There's something weird going on with Bella," he said from his place lounging on the armchair of his living room. We were re-watching Terminator, something we did every summer since we were kids. Jake was usually the third person in the party, but he'd skulked off to do something stupidly sappy with Melanie, so we'd decided to do it without him and invited Seth along instead.

I caught the sponge ball I'd been tossing in the air an looked at him, slightly taken aback that he'd brought her up without preamble. "What do you mean?" I said, wrinkling my nose.

Seth smiled from his place, lying on his stomach on the floor. "Yeah, isn't there always something weird going on with Bella?" he scoffed. Quil shot him a smirk and shrugged.

"Well, yeah, but I mean she's acting extra weird. She started crying and hugged me yesterday."

I raised my eyebrow. That _was _weird – Bella hadn't exactly been the PDA type... well, _ever, _and especially not lately. "Did you _make_ her cry?"

He shook his head. "She wasn't sad, it was like she was happy about something, but I have no idea what," he said. "She asked me some weird questions and then got all emotional and told me she was 'thrilled' for me." He frowned in confusion, and Seth and I mirrored his expression.

"What did she ask you about?" Seth enquired, pressing his hands into the floor and moving to sit up.

"Well, she came outside when I was on Bella Watch, she was taking out the trash or something, so I phased back. I wanted to say 'hi', you know? 'Cause it's been a while since I actually talked to her?" I nodded in understanding. Quil had missed hanging out with Bella almost as much as I had, and they'd always got along pretty well.

"Well anyway, she was all stiff with me, at first, and then she asked me how Claire was," he said.

I jerked my head back in confusion. "Claire? Who the hell is Claire?" I asked, really perplexed, and starting to get a little worried.

Quil shrugged. "That's exactly what I said. She got this weird look on her face, and got all confused. She said Claire was Emily's niece... your cousin, Seth? That little kid who came to visit Emily last month?"

Seth nodded. "Yeah, she's like a second cousin or something. Cute little kid, but why would Bella be asking _you _about her?"

Quil held out his hands helplessly. "Beats the shit out of me. Anyway, when I told her I'd met the kid once, and she was alright, as far as I knew, she started crying and hugged me. She said she was 'thrilled' for me and she knew 'it' wasn't right."

"Knew _what_ wasn't right?" I asked, but Quil just shook his head again.

"I have no idea," he said.

It was probably a good thing I'd seen the movie so many times before, because after that, my thoughts were elsewhere, wondering, worrying, and hoping against hope that the stress and heartbreak hadn't finally gotten to Bella.

* * *

A few night later, I was huddled, half asleep outside her house once again. We were in the midst of some sort of storm and I'd managed to find myself a pretty sweet spot under the canopy of trees that held out most of the gushing rainwater. I'd always liked thunderstorms – something about them kind of soothed me, as weird as that sounded. I tucked my paws under my head and closed my eyes, content to stay there, right outside her house for the night. As long as she was near, I knew she was safe, and I wouldn't have any problems sleeping.

My dreams were of her. Fantasies interspersed with memories and I could almost taste her scent – it was everywhere, almost like she was right beside me. All the reasons I wanted her passed through me. Her introverted nature – so many girls got off on seeking attention and acting like one-of-the-guys, but not her. Her intelligence - I'd always found smart girls unbelievably sexy, and Bella's geeky side just enhanced her beauty. How could she be so beautiful, so stunning, _and_ smart to boot? More than that, I truly believed that I could confide anything in her, that she would _get _me better than anyone, and she'd already shown me that much.

She was humble, too, and worried about everyone but herself when it really counted. I knew It was eating her up inside that we were protecting her like this, that one of us could get hurt keeping her alive. She didn't think she deserved our help. I couldn't think of anyone _more_ deserving. It wasn't Bella's fault she got caught up in this... she just happened to fall in love with the wrong person, and I knew all about that.

The pleasant visions in my head were interrupted by something, the one thing I never wanted to hear. I stood upright, waking up immediately, my eyes searching every window of the house for her, for some sign she was okay, or that I'd imagined what I'd heard, but then I caught sight of her, hands outstretched, banging on the glass.

My heart stilled in my chest when I saw her. Bella was screaming for help.

* * *

**A/N: Uh-oh... what's going on here? **

**I hope you guys liked the little insight into Embry's head. As you can see he's a whole tangle of worry, jealousy and love. Those two need to just sit down and talk it all out, don't they?**

**And what about Quil's imprint? What does that mean?**

**Let me know what you think :)**


	15. My Unnecessary Hero

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended_

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen: My Unnecessary Hero**

I had it. A proud smile erupted over my face the moment it came to me, and I knew that for once, I had a way to give Paul a taste of his own medicine.

He'd kept a low profile in the few days since our 'agreement'. I thought that it might have had something to do with getting a first-hand look at Charlie's pistol, and realising that it probably wasn't the best idea to spread a rumour that he'd been up to no good with the Chief of Police's daughter. I'd already been through a few awkward meal-times with Charlie, and his refusal to look me in the eye was proof enough that the rumour mill in Forks was churning out something juicy.

Charlie was still the only thing in my life giving me comfort that I'd made the right decision, and that putting myself through all this pain was somehow worth it if I got to watch my father grow old and make it to retirement.

That was, until the revelation with Quil.

His imprint had been a sore spot in the 'previous life'. No matter how pure, fraternal and selfless his love for Claire was, it was wrong to expect someone of his character, of his fun-loving, youthful persona to spend his years idly waiting for his soul-mate to get to the point where she wants something more, if ever. I wasn't dwelling on the reason right now, but the fact that it didn't happen at all was enough for me. Quil's life-long, involuntary bond to Claire was never something I felt comfortable with, and the few times Jacob and I had discussed it, I got the feeling he felt that way too. Of course, I had no idea how _this _Jacob would feel about it, which led me to my second revelation.

I didn't know _this _Jake. At all.

He'd become a person I no longer identified with, and despite the limited contact I'd had with him, I knew that it was neither a good nor a bad thing – Jake seemed to have direction again, and the sense of loss he'd gone through since becoming a wolf, the loss of a future, of free will, was replaced with a sense of purpose. I didn't know the ranking of the Pack anymore, but something told me that Jacob had found his place in it, in the world, and he was perfectly happy with that. Despite the havoc it had wreaked on my mind and my sanity, that was something I would always want for him. If I could be selfless enough to give up one future, despite the safety net of being with Jacob instead of Edward, for my own father, I could be selfless enough for Jacob.

I just needed to find my own place, and it wasn't watching him live happily, blissfully, with someone who had gained all that I'd lost.

So where did that leave me? I was floating in between the human world and the supernatural one, and picking fights with asshole werewolves who I wouldn't have given the time of day to in my old life. On top of that, I was having full-blown arguments with someone I'd always considered a friend, for calling me out on my behaviour. There was still something amiss in the equation. Since when had Embry been able to read me so well? My mind cast back over different events in our friendship; it had always been light-hearted and fun, and all the serious stuff was left to Jacob, whether it was consoling me after Edward left, or a far-off scenario where he begged me not to let myself be turned.

Except for that one incident, a world ago, in the clearing.

Jacob and Edward were facing off, I felt like the world was slipping away under my feet, and somehow, Embry – quiet, non-confrontational Embry had been the one to stop the spat escalating, and to offer me comfort when two of the most important men in my life would have preferred to fight _over _me than look out _for _me.

Of course, that afternoon had never happened, now. There was no field-training, and it had been a long time since Jacob or even Edward cared enough to argue over me, but one person hadn't changed. Maybe that was why his words cut so deep and his opinion mattered so much, even if I told myself it didn't. We were still friends, no matter how messed up the situation had gotten, and I knew on some level, Embry was right. This_ wasn't _who I was supposed to be. He didn't tell me who he thought the 'real me' was, however, and I was still floating, so I was going to allow myself this last indulgence. Paul had it coming.

I knew he was out there, somewhere. The Pack had been relentless in their security detail, and the odd flash of grey fur throughout the evening was my main clue. If Paul was content to let everyone in town believe that he'd gotten into my pants, he could deal with the wrath of Charlie. I just needed to get him in my bedroom.

I'd gone to bed soon after my dad, knowing that his readjusting sleep-patterns meant he'd be out like a light once his head hit the pillow. I didn't want to keep him up too late, anyway – I felt guilty enough for using him in Paul's and my sick games. _Just one last time._

A flash of lightening lit up the back garden momentarily, and I could once again see him. The idiot was asleep! That alone would make this a thousand times easier. I covered my mouth, muffling the snort of smug laughter threatening to break free and started pounding on the glass.

Nothing.

Who knew werewolves were such heavy sleepers? It wasn't as if the preservation of my life under their protection hung in the balance or anything...

The banging wasn't working, so I resorted to dirty tactics. A part of me hesitated, but remembering the uncomfortable silence between Charlie and I that evening, and my resolve was renewed._ He's got this coming._

I sucked in a breath, opened my mouth, and screamed. Then, well... _then,_ everything happened at once.

It was barely ten seconds before Charlie was banging on my locked door, panicked, frightened, and asking me if I was alright. I couldn't answer him, because I couldn't form words. I could not form words because five seconds before he had reached my door, the half-naked Quileute that crashed through my window was _not_ Paul Lahote.

It was Embry. And he was _feral._

That was the only word which came to mind when I locked eyes with him. His stare was intense, urgent, and flitted over me to every dark corner of the room, his lip curled up in a silent snarl, hair plastered to his forehead, slick with rain. He was dressed, but only just, on his hands and knees in the broken glass and was heaving deep breaths, gulping in huge volumes of air, no doubt trying to pinpoint the non-existent vampire threat that had caused such a reaction in me. Predictably, he couldn't smell anything, and the shuddering in his muscles and flash of wildness in his eyes ebbed away, only to be replaced by one of confusion, fear, and worry. The almost-golden hue of the wolf gave way to the deep, mocha-brown of Embry, and holy hell, he had the puppy-dog look down to a science.

My heart sank to my feet as the guilt set in.

"Yo- you were meant to be... it was supposed to be Paul!" I hissed, shooting a look back to the door where Charlie was turning the knob frantically, but to no avail.

"Bells! Answer me, sweetheart! Are. You. Okay?"

"I'm f-fine, Dad... the tree... it broke my window. I just got a fright!"

Embry's brow furrowed as he rocked back on his haunches. His eyes seemed to bore deep down into me, their wide-set hammering wave after wave of remorse into my lungs. His chest was littered with tiny cuts, and some time in the last few seconds, a wound in his scalp had begun to bleed, sending a sickening, deep-red trail down his cheek, pooling at his jaw-line. I gulped dryly, backing away from the sight of blood and the look of hurt on his face.

_One thing at a time, Bella!_

I spun on my heels, unlocking the door and stuck my head out, taking in the sight of Charlie, in a creased t-shirt and boxers, his hair sticking out at odd angles, and a gun in his hand.

"Don't come in, Dad... the glass, there's glass... everywhere..." I breathed, flailing an arm out in an all-encompassing motion. "I'm going to grab some blankets and sleep on the couch.. go back to bed okay?"

"Bells, you almost gave me a damn heart attack!"

"I-I know, Dad, I'm sorry. Seriously, go back to bed... we can deal with the window in the morning," I said pleadingly. He strained to look past me, but I moved the door slightly less ajar, anticipating his movements. "Sorry, I'm not decent..." I explained, grasping at straws. The look he gave me was one of suspicion, but I knew that his desire for sleep and to avoid embarrassment was overtaking the need to investigate. He sighed deeply, shrugging.

"As long as you're sure you're alright..." he questioned, moving backwards, and putting the safety back on his gun. I gave him my most reassuring smile and nodded.

"I promise," I said. "Sorry again, Dad."

"It's alright, sweetheart. Just get some sleep, will ya?" he requested, scrubbing a weary hand over his features.

"Goodnight, Dad," I nodded, closing the door.

"Night, Bells," he grunted from the other side.

As soon as I'd locked it again, I pressed my back to the wood, preparing myself to face Embry, but my eyes scanned the room frantically, searching him out. He was nowhere to be seen.

"Embry!" I ground out under my breath "Where _are _you?" I crept forward into the room, fastening my robe over my pyjamas again, just to give my hands something to do. I almost leapt out of my skin when he appeared, once again, at the window. The wind from the dying storm howled around him ominously, but that was nothing compared to the look on his face. Embry was _pissed._

"Look, this was all a huge mistake, I thought Paul was guarding me tonight..._" _I said pathetically, watching him leap seamlessly and soundlessly over the jagged shards littering my floor. His chest was almost healed already, but there were still a few wounds where the glass had embedded itself, impeding the healing process. I picked up the box of tissues by my bed, holding it out to him.

"Here," I said, jerking the cardboard in front of his face. "You should get those out before you heal." He didn't answer, instead, jutting his jaw out defiantly and folding his arms – he wasn't going to talk or acquiesce until he got an explanation.

I sighed, wondering where to start. Holding out a hand towards my rumpled sheets, I raised my brows in encouragement. "Sit down, then?"

His gaze flickered between me and the bed for a moment before he looked away, the set of his jaw tightening as he cleared his throat. I let out a frustrated grunt before shaking my head. "Get on the bed, Embry."

His eyes shot to mine, jaw slackening slightly as if he was going to respond, before he pressed his lips together and obediently parked his butt on my bed. "You shouldn't have to make a girl ask twice," I smirked boldly, almost missing the deep bob of his Adam's apple as he swallowed thickly.

I sat down to his right, half-turned toward him and began dabbing at his cuts with the tissue. My breaths came shallow, afraid that any more exposure to the blood and my light-headedness would go full-on blackout. I knew the pounding in my ears wasn't being kept a secret. After a few moments of silence, Embry spoke, looking out at me from the corner of his eye.

"I thought you hated blood," he said, a tiny furrow appearing on his brow. He was trying to sound indifferent, but there was no hiding the curiosity in his tone.

"I do," I said tightly, still trying to make it on the minimal amount of air. "But it's kind of my fault you're in this state, and I'm not going to send you home looking like a sequinned dress.."

A small smirk tugged at his mouth before he fought it down, turning his head away to look around the room. His gaze stopped on my book shelf. "So why exactly were you screaming at me from your bedroom window?" he said, still not turning back to me. "I thought you were in real trouble."

I chewed on my lip for a beat, wondering how to answer him without sounding like the thoughtless bitch I felt in that moment. I focused my attention on a particularly nasty-looking piece of glass, actually preferring to concentrate on pulling it out of his skin than on the conversation. I watched in awe as the skin melded together in its wake, only the faint stain of blood and a faint seam leaving any evidence there had been a wound in the first place.

I couldn't buy any more time staring at his chest, so I turned to the tissue box, pulling out a clean sheet.

"It was a prank," I said finally, looking at his profile and trying to decipher his expression, but got nothing. "Paul and I... well, I can't tell you the details, because we made a promise.. but I thought it was him guarding me, and I was trying to get him in here."

"Into your bedroom..." he said evenly, still fixated on the shelving.

"Yeah," I said helplessly. Knowing exactly how that sounded. "But not like _that..._"

He let out a soft snort and pulled away slightly, tracing one of the scars on his chest absently with his index finger. "With Paul it's always like _that._ Whether you know it or not, Bella." The concern in his tone startled me for a moment, and I shot a confused smile at his shoulders.

"I can handle Paul, Em. Believe me."

His posture relaxed slightly and he nodded into his chest. "Yeah, I know... But just... if you're going to move on, can it not be with someone, I don't know. Less of a dick?"

"Embry," I sighed. "There's nothing going on between Paul and I."

"Not yet.." he muttered. My mouth popped open in outrage and I threw my hands in the air helplessly.

"Jesus, do you think all girls are powerless to deny him or something? He is _not _all that great.."

"Yeah, but he's got this.. I don't know. It's like a super power. It's like he hones in on the girl's weakness and plays it against her. It works every single time," he said, one fist clenching minutely as he spoke, and the other making stabbing motions at the air with his index finger.

"Don't you think I know what he's like? Don't you think I'd be prepared for that?" I asked, trying not to be hurt by his words. It seemed like every time we talked it descended into an argument these days, and I was sick of it.

"I know.. it's just, you deserve better, Bella. Find a nice guy, someone new. Someone who'll treat you right and who'll appreciate you for who you are, not what you look like or what they can do with you...I..." he sighed, trailing off. He was looking at the carpet, now, his eyes focusing on something I couldn't see.

"What if I'm not ready?" I said, looking into the middle distance, and not taking the time to wonder how the hell I'd got to talking about this with Jacob's best friend, of all people. He half-shrugged, his lips jerking in thought.

"I'm not an expert, but I think when you meet the right person, you'll be ready. It could be tomorrow, or it could be next year... but it's not going to happen on its own."

I turned towards him, studying his face. "When'd you get to be all Dr. Phil?" I joked, trying to diffuse the serious tone that had overtaken the conversation.

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do... or pretend I know everything, but I just think you deserve better than what you've been dealt. I...I just worry is all," he said after several moments.

"About me?" I asked, finding that I could actually feel my expression softening. It felt like a long time since someone in the know had cared even a little about how I was doing, and the thought was a welcome one, even if it was in a purely platonic way. He met my eyes ruefully, and held up a hand towards the window as proof. I laughed softly, nodding in agreement. "I guess that answers _that._"

"You're still my... my friend, Bella... of course... well yeah, I worry. Just promise me you won't do something like that again." I wasn't sure if he was talking about my dating habits or what had happened tonight until he turned to face me fully, looking at me in disapproval. "Haven't you ever heard of the boy who cried wolf?"

I buried my face in my hands and groaned.

"Oh God, please... I feel bad enough as it is. I swear, I've learned my lesson," I said, my voice muffled.

I could feel the bed rising again as he stood and when I looked back, he was standing in front of me, evidently uncomfortable to be there. Getting back on to my feet didn't do much for the height difference. Even though he wasn't the tallest of the pack, I sometimes forgot how big Embry actually was.

"Thanks for um... being here, though. I know if I'd really needed you, you would have saved my life tonight. You're a great friend, Embry."

The soft smile fell from his face and he looked away, burying his fists in his pockets – something he seemed to do when he got uncomfortable.

"It's no problem, it's kind of my job," he said detachedly. I nodded at my feet, wondering how the mood could have become tense in a fraction of a second. In the blink of an eye, his smile was back, and he puffed up his chest.

"Besides, Mike Newton would never forgive me for letting the love of his life get eaten."

I stifled a laugh and smacked him playfully in the chest, instantly regretting it upon hearing the wince of pain he tried to hide.

"Oh my God, Em.. I'm so... does it... crap... Sorry!"

He shook his head, clenching his eyes shut and holding up a hand. "It's fine, Bella," he said tightly, shooting me a smile.

"I guess you're winning on the friendship front.. I've managed to give you heart failure and smack you in your wounded chest," I cringed.

"Yeah, but you patched me up, even though you looked like you were gonna toss your cookies," he shot over his shoulder, walking towards the window. "That's a lot more like the Bella _I_ know."

He pulled the last of a shard out of the window frame and tossed it on the floor, before throwing a leg outside. "I guess my old friend's in there somewhere," he said, before he hopped out into the darkness.

* * *

**A/N: So finally, these two have a conversation that doesn't end in someone storming off and someone beating themselves up over what they said. That's progress, right?**

**But wait... has Embry just been friendzoned? Poor Em... but at least she's talking to him, right?**

**A special thanks for this chapter goes to Megan (meliz875), for helping me find some direction. I won't lie, guys, this story was running into trouble. You should show her amazing work some love :)**

**I would really love to hear what you think.**


	16. Shame

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen: Shame**

"Don't even say it," I grunted, shoving the bag of garbage roughly into the can. I blew a lock of hair out of my eyes in frustration as I straightened back up. "It's all your fault, anyway!"

Paul held out his hands innocently, raising his eyebrows. It was the end of his shift, and I'd been hoping that my avoidance of him would hold out long enough until he went home, and Quil was due to take over. Evidently, I'd had no such luck.

"Hey, I wasn't going to bring it up, but now that you mention it..." he said, barely hiding the laugh threatening his butter-wouldn't-melt tone.

Rolling my eyes as I turned back towards the house, I heaved out a sigh when I caught sight of the night-shift emerging from the trees. These damn wolves were everywhere, and any hopes of wallowing in my embarrassment in private were proving futile.

It had been two days since Embry crashed unceremoniously through my bedroom window, and he clearly wasn't as adept at hiding his thoughts as I'd hoped. Brady had eyed my window quizzically the next morning, clearly expecting an answer I wasn't willing to supply, and Jared had barely had the chance to shoot me a knowing smile before I'd stomped into my truck and left for work. Those were the only wolves I'd actually interacted with, until now that was – but none of it had been as uncomfortable as Charlie's attempt at stern parenting the following evening.

After a silent dinner, he'd hesitantly asked me to join him on the couch, under the pretence of discussing my – non-existent – plans for college. I'd put all of that on hold, since my senior year had been a blur of depression, planning on giving a relationship with Jacob a real shot by staying around Forks , and then more depression (with a hint of crazy and a dash of I-hate-everyone angst). The discussion with Charlie had been short-lived after I'd assured him I was hoping to continue working at Newtons for the year, putting aside a little money for college, and reapplying when the time came. Hoping that was the end of the conversation, I rose to leave, but he'd stopped me.

"Bells, if you're going to be sticking around for a while... there's something you're probably going to have to remember about small towns – rumours spread faster than the flu."

I sighed, sinking back into the couch and raising my eyes to the ceiling. "I know what this is about, Dad. I thought you of all people would know better than to believe the gossip floating around about me."

Charlie looked admonished for a beat before replying. "Sure, Bells... it's just, I know this past year has been pretty rough on you. I don't know all the details, and I'm not real sure I'd care to, but a broken heart can change you. Hell knows I wasn't the same after-" he stopped abruptly, no doubt realising how inappropriate it would be to start divulging the details of his break-up with my mother. "Well, let's just say there are several ways to end a broken heart and I tried 'em all."

I frowned in confusion at him, before it slowly dawned on me what he was inferring. "Dad... I know you think you're helping, but believe me, hearing about your uh... busy love life isn't doing that!" I stood up again, hoping like hell this really was the end of the conversation, when he shrugged.

"Well, I just know how tempting it can be to find comfort in someone new, but... it's different for girls. Especially in a place like Forks. News travels and before you know it, you've got a reputation, and people are making assumptions about you without caring to learn otherwise. I just want you to be careful."

"Dad, the only one making wrong assumptions right now is you. There's nothing going on between me and Paul... he was kidding around. Trying to get me back for messing with him last week."

"So it wasn't this Paul guy you were talking to last night? I don't know what on earth you'd have to talk to him about at that time, but I gotta tell you, Bells... I don't like it."

My mouth hung open dumbly as I processed his question, and suddenly the couch was under me again. My first instinct was simple. Lie.

"I don't- what are you? There was no-one here last night, Dad... the tree...my window broke... maybe you were sleep-deprived." The nervous chuckle that left me was so out-of-character, I thought it was probably doing more harm than good.

Charlie studied me closely as he leaned back into the cushions. "I didn't say anyone was here, Bella. Why? _Was _someone here?"

_Holy crap, when did he go into cop-mode?_

At that moment, it felt like every drop of moisture left my mouth. It was a good thing Charlie didn't have heightened senses, because the perspiration on my brow and the pounding of my pulse would have given me away instantly.

"No! You just said... wait, what did you hear?"

"I heard you talking to someone. I assumed it was on your cellphone, but now.."

"Cellphone!" I cut in, relieved for the explanation that had evaded me. "I was on my cellphone. I thought you meant..." I sighed, willing my panic to subside long enough to give a convincing answer. "I didn't want you to think I'd snuck someone into my room, because I didn't, and with all the rumours you were just talking about..." I slumped back into the couch cushions. "I'm really tired, Dad."

He scrutinised me for what seemed like an endless minute before nodding. "Alright Bells, as long as you know where I stand on this. Go on to bed. And try not to give me a heart attack tonight, will ya?"

"Sure, Dad," I sighed. "I'm going straight to sleep, I swear."

"Okay. And tell whatever boy's hanging around outside your window to come back when it's daylight, and use the front door."

I thought I was going to faint until I caught the mischievous twinkle in his eye. I didn't really find it funny.

Even less funny though, was the knowing smirk on Quil's face as he approached me.

"Not you too, Quil?" I groaned. All I'd wanted was to take out the damn trash.

"What's the matter, Bella? Did I foil your plans for retribution, too?" he chuckled, and I fought the blush staining my cheeks by staring at the ground.

"Yeah, yeah... laugh it up. If it had worked, it would have been beautiful."

Paul snorted from behind me and I turned to face him, folding my arms. "It's not my fault you guys don't tell me anything... if you'd just been where you were supposed to be, it would have all worked out fine. I was sure you were on patrol, but couldn't tell properly with the storm."

"Man, I had no idea you were such a racist, Swan," Quil said in mock offense. My jaw slackened as i looked between them, wide-eyed. "All us Quileutes look the same, right? Jeez... and I thought you were different.."

They both shook their heads disapprovingly while I struggled to explain myself. "That's not-! I didn't mean it like that! He was in wolf-form... you're both grey, and it was dark-"

"Oh wait, so it's not racism, it's prejudice against werewolves?" Paul interjected, and I palmed my face in frustration.

"Nice to know we mean so little to you, Bella," Quil tittered. "Next you'll be mixing _me _up with Mrs Ableman's Yorkie..."

"Maybe you could start wearing one of those pansy-assed little bows, just to confuse her," Paul suggested.

They both descended into laughter at that. I took it as my cue to retreat into the house, away from those mean boys, crawl into my bed, and weather out the shame in peace.

The relief I felt at the sight of Leah exiting the tree-line the next morning floored me – which just showed how different our relationship had become lately. Who would have ever predicted I'd prefer her cutting sarcasm over Paul and Quil?

She surveyed my broken window with a snort as she flopped down on my bed. "So it's true? Spiderman busted out the carnage. Who knew Call had it in him?"

"It was my fault... kind of a stupid idea now, looking back," I muttered, staring at the tarp fastened over the frame.

"You can say that again. Still, at least the Pack are talking about something other than their imprints or what Emily's making for lunch, for a change."

"Glad I could help," I huffed, moving to my ipod to scroll through the playlist.

"So what's the deal with you and Paul, anyway?" she asked my back, and I stiffened at the accusation in her tone. I guessed this was as good an opening as ever to make good on my promise to Paul. Besides, if I had a little information as leverage, he might be a little less likely to spend the next year making me feel like an idiot.

"What's it to you?" I asked nonchalantly, and half-turned towards her.

She sat up on my pillows and threw out a shrug. "It's not that I care, I just didn't think your standards were so low."

I couldn't help laughing lightly at her jibe. "Yeah, he has yet to get me drunk, so no... there isn't anything going on. Besides, I think he's got his sights set on someone else."

Leah's intense gaze met mine as she cocked her head to one side. "Oh yeah? Who's the lucky girl? Please tell me she's at least of age."

"He wouldn't say," I lied. "Why, does that bother you?"

"Why the twenty questions, Swan? I thought I was the one interrogating you."

"No reason," I shrugged, taking a seat on the rocking-chair by the window. "I just thought since you were together once..."

He held up a warning finger. "I was _never_ with Lahote. That was a booty-call. Make no mistake there, Swan."

I held up my hands in a placating gesture. "Alright, keep your panties on. It was just a question. I just have trouble separating my feeling with the uh... more intimate side of things. Just curious, is all."

She raised an eyebrow at me as she leaned back on the bed. "Well, we don't all live in a Disney animation. It was sex. That's it."

"But you had to have felt something... I mean, for him to get that far in the first place." She seemed to ponder this seriously for a moment, avoiding eye-contact.

"I was pretty wasted... but yeah, I guess. He was there, at the right time, saying all the right things. It was what I needed. But I know what he's like now. It was just a line, one that he probably feeds to every bimbo who comes within a ten-foot radius. I'm not going to feel ashamed for falling for it, because I used him, too."

"So you're saying that you saw a different side to him that night?"

"Kind of, but it wasn't reall..." she huffed out a sigh. "Look, Paul and I were a one-time thing, and it's not worth thinking about. I don't even know why I told you."

"Maybe you were still thinking about him," I hedged, aware that i was swiftly approaching the end of Leah's extremely short fuse.

"We share a brain, it's hard not to think about any of them. It doesn't mean I'm gonna go looking to bang Quil now, does it?" She wrinkled her nose at that and gave an exaggerated shudder, and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Yeah, can't see that happening."

"Paul was a good lay, but beyond that... I think he'd need a personality transplant before I ever considered going there again. And it would probably avoid copious amounts of Rez Moonshine. We're talking enough to knock out an elephant, a rhino, and a whole herd of buffalo here."

"Alright, point taken," I laughed.

I thought about the conversation with Leah throughout the next day at work. I wondered if, in some ways, handling things the way she did would hurt less. Leah was the only one who knew heartbreak the way I did, and as Charlie had put it – there were several ways of dealing with it, and we had once been at opposite ends of the spectrum. This time around – the Jacob time, I'd come around to her line of thinking, that if I cut myself off, and protected my heart with a hardened shell, there was less chance of getting it shattered again. If my failure of a date with Mike had proven anything, it was that I just wasn't cut out to numb my pain with other people. Embry had told me that it wasn't something I could force, and I was inclined to agree with him – but did that make him right? I didn't think Embry had ever really been in love, never mind had his heart broken, so should I be putting stock in the opinion of someone who was, for all intents and purposes, just theorising?

There was something about the conviction with which he spoke that made me want to believe him. Embry seemed to truly believe in the heart's ability to heal – it was a romantic thought, sure, but what was the point if someone else was just going to come along to stomp all over it again? I was pretty sure I didn't want Jacob anymore. He was no longer the guy I fell in love with, and I guessed what hurt the most was his inability to see things from my point of view. Should I really still be hung-up on someone who had such little consideration for me?

No, I shouldn't. If one thing was certain, Jacob wasn't putting me first so I sure as hell should be doing it for him.

At least, that's the resolution I'd made just before I stopped off at the book store on my way home from work, and caught sight of Melanie, browsing the aisles without a care in the world.

My breath hitched when I laid eyes on her, such was the shock I felt. She was dressed in jeans and a simple grey shirt – an outfit that looked like it could have been plucked right out of my own wardrobe – and was wandering aimlessly with a soft smile on her lips and trailing a hand lovingly over the spines of the second-hand books section. It had been exactly where I was headed.

I found myself ducking behind a display of cut-price romance novels, not wanting to be seen, but unable to tear myself away. I was curious. What exactly was it about this girl that made her so special? What did she have that I didn't? The feelings of inadequacy that had plagued me during my time with Edward resurfaced, and all I wanted was an answer. Was she more fun than me? More loving? Did she deserve him more than I did somehow? I was certain that, given the chance, I could have loved Jacob just as much as she did. I wanted to be a source of strength in his life, and to make him feel as special, every day, as he had made me feel.

I circled around her in a wide arc, looking for more clues about the person she was. What did she like to read? Was she into the classics, like I was? Or did she read trash and just label herself as a bookworm? I found myself edging closer to her, needing to get a better look at the title she'd picked up when the shrill tone of her cell startled me out of my mission. A wide grin spread over her delicate features when she looked at the screen, and she held the phone to her ear.

"I know, baby... I've been here forever, but you know what I'm like. They just put out a new display of used books, and I couldn't resist."

She was talking to Jacob, and the fondness in her tone had me reeling backwards, crushed under the weight of her feelings for him. It was evident in the way her entire posture perked up at the sound of his voice, and the way she cradled the phone to her face, as if willing his presence to be closer to her.

"Yeah, you wouldn't believe some of the gems I've found. I picked up a little something for you, too," she informed, readjusting a large hardback that was nestled under her arm. My eyes stung – I'd never been able to get Jake to read anything that wasn't an auto manual, and _she _was buying books for him especially.

I stumbled backwards, finally realising the torture I was inflicting on myself, only to knock right into a stand of teen fiction. I cringed and turned in slow motion, hoping the noise wouldn't be enough to alert her to my presence, but knew instinctively it was too late. She was going to turn around, see me standing over a knocked –over shelving, either laugh or feel sorry for me, and I'd have to help the poor, unfortunate cashier clean up books I wouldn't admit to reading under oath. There was no positive outcome.

I waited for the inevitable crash of the display, but it never came. It was only when I felt a warm hand grab onto my own that I opened my eyes.

Embry stood, propping the stand up with one shoulder, and tugging me behind him in one fluid motion. He stood then with his back to Melanie, but I could tell from a cursory look beyond him that she was oblivious to the entire scene. He shot her a quick look before pulling me towards the door, saving me from embarrassment without a word.

I made it all the way outside before my tears actually began to fall. His hand released mine, and he placed it tentatively on my shoulder, attempting to comfort me but clearly at a loss as to what to do. He wasn't the only one.

Covering my eyes with my hand, I turned away, attempting to gather the last of my dignity before the inevitable questions began. They didn't.

"I'm... I'm sorry, I guess i just – I don't know what I was doing."

"You were watching her," he said from behind me. It wasn't a question.

I nodded, sniffling slightly while turning to face him. "It's stupid, I know... but I just-"

"Wanted to see what the big deal was? Why he picked her over you?" My eyes found his and I nodded again. "Did you figure it out?"

I shook my head. "No, but I didn't expect to... and now I'm crying, and Jesus. This is so embarrassing!"

He gave me a plaintive smile and shrugged. "Hey, you're only human. At this point, I'd say that's a plus."

I found myself smiling at the insinuation, despite myself. He had no idea how true that was.

"I know it was a stupid idea, so don't bother telling me."

"Not stupid.. Understandable, I'd say. Sometimes it feels like if we knew _why_ we weren't good enough, it'd make everything easier to accept," he said, jerking his head down the street and turning. I fell into step beside him and nodded, agreeing.

"You sound like you know how it feels," I observed, and he half-smirked as he surveyed our surroundings.

"You could say that," he said cryptically. A few moments of silence followed, and I instinctively knew that it was all he was going to volunteer. Not for the first time, I thought that there was a lot more to Embry than most people got to see. Maybe, with time, I'd get to find some of that out. I'd always been a sucker for a mystery, after all.

"So, how did you know I was there?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Seth needed to get home early to help out Sue, I said I'd take over and followed your trail from Newtons."

"And... her? Did you know she'd be there?" I asked. It wasn't meant to be accusatory, but I was still feeling the effects of eavesdropping on her. It felt like when it came to _her,_ all thoughts of my welfare went out the window. I could have done with a heads-up.

He looked slightly guilty before he replied. "Jake did ask me to keep an eye on her while she was here, but I didn't realise you'd be at the same place."

I instantly felt bad for feeling annoyed at him, and shook my head. "it's fine – it's a small town, and anyone else wouldn't have the luxury of having bodyguards to save me from embarrassment. You're two-for-two now, Em. This is getting to be a habit."

The smile I got in reply was genuine. "Maybe you should stop putting yourself in situations where you need to be 'saved'." I laughed softly, agreeing with him. "Come on, I'll walk you to your truck."

"Don't you need to look out for her?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. He wrinkled his nose and shook his head.

"Don't tell Jake I said this, but she's kinda boring. I mean, she's really nice, but she's kind of a nerd. And that's coming from someone who collects Doctor Who memorabilia," he said conspiratorially. I giggled behind my hand, surprised to hear the first negative thing about Melanie... well, ever.

"Besides, he was about to come meet her here anyway, as a surprise. I think he was calling from the car."

He looked at me pointedly, waiting for me to catch on. It didn't take long. "Which is an even better reason for me to get the hell out of here...?" I surmised. He nodded sympathetically, but I was grateful for his consideration. I linked my arm with his, and he looked at me, a slight trace of shock in his expression. "Alright, Spiderman, take me home."

"Spiderman?" he asked curiously.

"Private joke," I laughed, letting him lead me across the street.

* * *

**A/N: Alright guys, a little filler for you here but I hope it wasn't too boring. These two need to develop things a little, and we wouldn't want to scare Bella off with the knowledge that another wolf is desperately in love with her, right?**

**Let me know what you think.**


	17. Alone In A Crowded Room

****_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Title is taken from Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin. Opening song by Alkaline Trio.**

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen: Alone In A Crowded Room**

_I'll dedicate it to the fact that it's so hard for you to dream.__  
__A million heartbeats all around you make it hard to sleep.__  
__It doesn't help you're freezing in your bed, your blankets aren't enough.__  
__All you want is someone there, and all you say is, _

_"So what_

_Love love, kiss kiss... blah blah blah._

_You're making me sick, I wish you'd just stop showing off__  
__For the rest of us that no one wants to love__  
__It's hard enough trying to drink another winter all alone."_

If I'd been prepared for spending a Thursday at work, alone with Mike, I probably would have been dreading it. We'd barely spoken since the disaster-date over a week before, and I'd been shamelessly using his mom as a buffer between us. He made no secret of the fact he wanted to talk to me, but I'd conveniently been finding reasons to 'talk shop', or put myself in another room whenever he got that serious look on his face.

He was a nice guy, and I wondered that if, in another reality, had I not met the two people who had such a huge impact on my life, Mike and I would have really gotten along. Would I have finally been worn down by his persistence and innocent charm? Knowing what I did now, it was the smallest details that could change the course of a person's path, and maybe, in some far off version of events, where the Cullens hadn't moved to Forks, and I hadn't become close to Jacob, Mike and I were together, and happy, and living a very human existence. Oddly enough, the thought didn't horrify me. Everything about my life since I'd left Phoenix had been complicated, bothersome and difficult - and I was _tired. _Tired of hurting, tired of fighting for my happiness, for my life, and for my heart. It was that same weariness that led me to ask him out in the first place. I just wanted something easy, safe, and something – for once - devoid of mystery.

I'd tried and failed to open myself up to it. Was it something about me that just couldn't be content with being with a human? I honestly didn't know if it was the species, or the _boy._

Today, Mike was on a mission, and in turn showed me a truth I'd failed to acknowledge. It seemed he'd given up on salvaging our non-relationship, for now, because one very obvious development was being shoved in my face.

He was back with Jessica.

I fought a little smile when he answered the phone obnoxiously, telling her how much he missed her and couldn't wait until she came to meet him for lunch with Angela and Ben. I had no doubt that if I'd had any real feelings for Mike, I would have been seething and green-eyed, but from where it stood, things couldn't have worked out better. If he was trying to get a rise out of me, he wasn't going to get one, and if anything, the relief I felt at knowing that he was once again off the market just elevated my mood.

Jessica and Mike were a typical High School couple – madly in love one minute, hating each other's guts the next, and ever reluctant to just _let go_. I knew how that felt – the all-encompassing feeling of belonging, like there could be no 'me' without the 'we'.

I knew better now, and the dramatics of teenage love was something that had stung me one-too-many times for it to be something I really craved. I'd assumed being with Mike would be drama-free, easy, and effortless, but Embry was right about that, too; just because Mike was human, didn't mean there was no chance of getting hurt. He and Jessica fed off each other's passion, and took it in whatever form they could get it, even if that meant inflicting pain on each other in the process.

Heartbreak wasn't just a risk when falling in love with the super-human. Heartbreak was as human as you could get. Maybe it was about time I embraced my humanity a little more – if this was the reality I was now committed to, I was going to have plenty of human moments ahead.

A reminder of my own human weakness was laid out for me at lunch time, when Jessica, Ben and Angela arrived to pick Mike up. They politely invited me along – well, Angela and Ben did – but one look at their joined hands, the easy comfort they had with each other, and old pain came roaring to the surface.

"Hey, Bella," Angela greeted, in that quietly-excited tone only she could master. "Mike never said you were working today. You should totally come to lunch with us." Something about the sidelong glance she threw at Mike and Jessica told me she'd also figured out Mike's plan, and completely understood why I wouldn't want to accept her offer. As for the happy couple, they were going out of their way to pretend I wasn't even there; I was once again in the doghouse with Jess for going on the date with Mike, and she seemed to somehow be joined to him at the lips.

"Thanks, Ange... I don't want to be a fifth-wheel, though," I smiled through the half-truth.

"You wouldn't really be a fifth-wheel... but I get it," she smiled knowingly. "You and I should get together soon, though, just the two of us."

"Yeah, I'd like that."

The reality was, I couldn't have stomached being in a room with that many hormones for much longer. I watched them as they sauntered out of the store without a care in the world, and decided that I really did need to work on distracting my mind. Although I wasn't jealous that Jessica and Mike were once again an item, I couldn't help but feel a tinge of loneliness, with a heavy dash of inadequacy. After all, if someone as vapid as Jessica Stanley could hold on to a boyfriend, what did that say about me?

I'd been thinking about what happened the night before, and the most surprising realisation wasn't that I acted out of missing Jacob, or feeling like the world wasn't turning without him, but rather that my reconnaissance work in the bookstore was an effort to bandage my wounded pride. Sure, Jacob's choices had hurt me, but how was it that the only two guys I'd had serious romantic feelings for had found it relatively easy to leave me? I wanted to know more about Melanie because, as Embry had said, knowing why I wasn't good enough would somehow help me make sense of everything. But I still didn't have a clue.

Was this all I had to look forward to now? Watching everyone around me find their own happiness while I became more and more bitter as the years passed? The rational side of me told me not to be so ridiculous, that I was eighteen years old, and losing at love was a part of life. Maybe it was normal to spy on your ex-almost-boyfriend's replacement for you, and then burst into tears when you got found out. Maybe it was normal to let said ex's best friend rescue you from humiliation, and actually believe that he didn't hold any judgement. I cringed inwardly at the memory. Everyone else had it all so figured out. Why didn't I?

I was so lost in my thoughts, that I didn't hear Leah's approach until she heaved a fold-up rain jacket pretty forcefully at my head.

"What the hell, Leah!" I complained, tenderly touching the side of my face which was now throbbing from the smack of water-proof plastic. I looked round in time to see her rolling her eyes and leaning a long, toned arm on a display of portable camping stoves.

"I've been standing here like some damn butler waiting for you to notice me for the past two minutes. Jesus, Swan, do you ever crawl out of that brain of yours and take a look around?"

I shrugged sheepishly as I got to my feet. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm thinking of taking up fly-fishing. All the hottest guys do it." she deadpanned, "What do _you _think?"

I wrinkled my nose and studied her. "You came to visit me?"

"Is that so horrendous?" she asked, cocking her head to one side, and I fought a smirk. Sometimes, like at this moment, it wasn't so hard to believe that there was a wolf lurking right under the surface.

I had to admit, I'd really enjoyed seeing more of Leah, and not being the target of her more cutting remarks, but she hadn't given me much indication of what _she _got out of our friendship. It was just her way, though. I surmised that once your feelings had been so badly burned, you didn't openly let people in on how much they really meant to you. That's the safest way not to get hurt, after all, and I'd given her methods a try myself.

"No," I said, half-smiling. "Just surprised is all. Don't I have a furry babysitter for the day?" I jerked my chin out towards the shop front, where I was sure that somewhere beyond, Jared was sighing in boredom and wishing he was anywhere else.

_Probably with Kim, so they can choose their future kid's names and pick out centrepieces for their wedding. Maybe they can go shopping for onesies and buy a tandem bike while they're at it._

I grunted unhappily as I reached up to push another box into the shelving, and heard Leah chuckle behind me. I wasn't mad at Jared, or Kim – in reality, I didn't know them well enough to really form an opinion – but they were yet another happy couple on the long list of people I'd rather avoid.

"Yeah, you do, but Emily needed supplies for some kind of Martha-Stewart-inspired concoction that the guys will probably inhale before she even gets it on to plates. Place was too crowded anyway, so I saw my chance to skip out. Of course, I can't get a fucking minute's peace without someone hopping in the damn passenger seat," she rambled, rolling her eyes and jerking her head towards the door where Seth was entering with a beaming grin.

"You drove here?" I asked, strangely surprised. Leah raised an eyebrow at me.

"Well, yeah... it's kinda hard to carry bags of flour in your mouth, Swan. Besides, my dad spent months teaching me how to drive, I might as well get some use out of it since I won't be on four paws forever."

I realised that I'd too-often made assumptions about the Pack and how they operated, and especially Leah – out of anyone, she would logically be the wolf most eager to preserve some normalcy. Suddenly, being human didn't seem like such a weakness anymore, when someone as strong and resilient as Leah would give anything to classify herself as just that. Maybe I had to stop looking at my humanity that way.

"Hey, Bella! I heard you're a racist now," Seth announced as he approached us. I gaped at him dumbly for a beat before Leah smacked the back of his head.

"Stop trying to be a dick, Seth. It doesn't suit you," she admonished. He shot me a sheepish smile and held out his hands innocently.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist."

I rolled my eyes and turned back to my task. It seemed I was the butt of everyone's jokes these days – even sweet, considerate Seth's.

"Anyway, despite many heartfelt protests, I came to tell you that we're going out tonight," Leah informed. I looked back up at her and crinkled my brow.

"We are? But it's Thursday..." I said, honestly wondering what we could possibly do around here when it wasn't the weekend.

"Wow, well done, Bella! That's right, and yesterday was Wednesday, the sky is blue, and you need to get laid. Are we just stating facts here for fun?" she mocked, and I pursed my lips together, thoroughly berated, but unable to disagree with her logic.

"How come you get to be a dick, and I don't?" Seth enquired, and Leah shot him a sidelong glance, without turning.

"Because it's an art, and I've perfected it. Stick to being cutesy and saccharine, there's more chance of that little piece of ass at the ice-cream counter agreeing to go out with you." Seth opened his mouth to protest, but it was clear she'd touched on a secret – one he wasn't aware had gotten out. Leah's eyes widened in mock surprise as she nodded at him. "Yeah, I know that's why you came. Why don't you go bother _her_ for a while?" She jerked her thumb over her shoulder towards the front door, and turned her stare back to me – her baby brother was already dismissed.

Seth seemed to ponder this for a moment before slinking away behind her – the desire to see his crush outweighing the need to prove Leah wrong. I laughed softly at his retreating back before his sister engaged my attention again.

"Anyway, there's this club in Port Ange that lets over-eighteens in on Thursdays, just for summer. You get this really lame stamp on your wrist so you won't get hammered, but the music's good and at least there'll be unfamiliar faces there."

It was odd hearing Leah try to sound encouraging instead of demanding, and it occurred to me that she'd been looking forward to this, and a lot rode on my answer. I gnawed on my lip for a moment, honestly wondering if it was a good idea.

"Oh crap, don't get that look," Leah groaned, and I met her eyes confusedly.

"What look?"

"The one that says 'Oh, I'm sweet little Bella, I hate fun and I need everyone to take care of me!'" she mocked, softening her voice in a surprisingly accurate caricature of my own. "Embry was all contradictory too, when he saw my plans this morning. Even Paul was hitting me with twenty questions..." She frowned slightly and looked off into the middle distance, as if realising how odd that was for the first time. I willed my face not to betray anything, but I was pretty amused at how bad Paul was at disguising his feelings – the sooner I got talking to him, the better.

"You've got a little spunk in there, Swan, don't tell me it's gone already?"

She almost sounded proud when she said the last part, but my curiosity didn't let me take the compliment. "Embry thinks it's a bad idea?" I asked, feeling slightly hurt by his apparent doubt.

"Fucked if I know...he was all 'that place is full of creeps, it's not Bella's scene'," she said, lowering the timbre of her voice but still managing to sound whiney. I turned round in time to see her drop a questioning hand back to her side and her face twisted into mock offence. "It's like he doesn't approve of us hanging out."

"Why not?" I asked, bending down once again to retrieve another box of back-up tent pegs. "What's it got to do with him anyway?"

Leah smiled ruefully. "Maybe he thinks I'm a bad influence?"

I found myself smiling back despite myself. "Maybe you are, but I doubt that's it. Why would it even bother him?"

"Fucked if I know. That kids thoughts are better guarded than a nun's panties. I don't know how he does it."

"Embry's? Really?" I asked, slightly taken aback. What did he even have to hide? And why didn't he hide the window incident?

She nodded in reply. "Yep. No-one knows why. Paul says he's gay."

I dropped the box in shock, the rattling of the metal inside all-too-loud in the quiet store, and cleared my throat.

"He's what?" I asked, eyes wide. It was never a vibe I got off of Embry, at all, and the idea threw me for a loop. Leah laughed and threw me a studious glare.

"He isn't, well... as far as I know. What's with the shrieking?"

I shook my head, swallowing thickly. "Nothing, it's just, I was shocked," I said, trying to sort through my memories to pick just one where Embry was seeing a girl, or even had a crush on one who wasn't a famous model or actress, but couldn't find any. That still wasn't evidence, though. I just knew he didn't swing that way. At that moment, another wave of curiosity came over me. Maybe Embry wasn't gay, but it still didn't explain why I'd never seen him with a girl. Any one of the Wolfpack could have their pick of girls on and off the Rez – and he was one of the few unattached members. Why had he never cashed in on his transformation?

The mystery of Embry Call took yet another turn.

"So is that a 'yes'? I haven't got all day to stand around and watch you think yourself into a coma," Leah cut in. "I've got a little brother to humiliate."

I shot her a smile and squared my shoulders. I wasn't the shy, nervous person who needed taken care of, and no-one else should tell me otherwise. I could take care of myself – that much I'd proven, and I was going to keep doing it until everyone else believed it too.

"Sure. What time are we going?"

"Atta girl. Be ready around nine-thirty, and don't wear something that makes you look like a Sunday school teacher," she smirked, before turning on her heel and walking out of the store. I pushed down the feelings of apprehension that were shimmering in my gut. Just call me Bella Backbone.

* * *

Clearly, the under-twenty-one contingent of this corner of Washington had little difficulty procuring alcohol. The club smelled like sweat and beer, but it was unclear whether it was coming from the clientèle or was simply ingrained into the sticky floor and the stale air. The dazed look on many of the patron's faces told the story, though, and I knew that the lack of purse-checks on the door probably contributed to the full glasses more than the bored-looking bartender hawking soda and water. Steam rose off the heaving bodies on the dance floor like a haze of hormones and need, and I was definitely out of my comfort-zone. I'd realised it somewhere between donning a scoop-necked tank and a pair of skin-tight black dress-shorts I barely remembered buying, and Leah telling me not to assume every guy here was trying to rape me. I appreciated her reassurance, but from the hungry looks she was getting from every guy who caught sight of her, there wasn't much to back up her claims.

She was currently being reverently ground-on (or, as respectfully as someone can thrust their crotch at you) by two of the less-scrawny guys here, and from the satisfied look on her face, she'd gotten what she came for – tonight was Leah's ego boost, somewhere she could come where she wasn't 'that bitch' or just a Pack member with boobs. Said breasts were pushed perfectly and symmetrically together under a tailored, button-down vest and over a pair of jeans she'd probably been sewn into. Leah looked like a model on her 'off-days', but tonight, she looked like she made her living strutting around in lingerie. Hell, even_ I_ wanted to squeeze her ass.

I sucked down the rest of my cola and sighed. I was supposed to be letting lose, enjoying myself, but the cautious, more Bella part of me was keeping my guard up. I'd been approached and asked to dance by two guys already – one looked at me like I was edible, and the other seemed pretty shy, but I'd politely declined both. Maybe it was because I knew what could be lurking around in here, or maybe because Edward had always been pretty vocal about the way teenage guys thought, but I just couldn't silence the side of my brain that urged me to go home, take a bath, and watch a marathon of Katherine Heigl movies.

The disapproving look Leah shot me from the dance floor said it all – she'd become pretty well versed in my anxious expressions, and one subtle narrowing of her eyes told me to snap the hell out of it. I made a promise to myself that the next person brave enough to ask for a dance was going to get one, no matter what vibes he gave off.

* * *

**Embry POV**

I felt like I spent a lot of time skulking around in the shadows, always unseen, but it never felt quite as creepy as this. Here I was, in some shit-hole dive of a nightclub, trying desperately not to get discovered as I – for all intents and purposes – spied on Bella.

I sighed uncomfortably as I folded my arms. I was _not _okay with this in the least. Sure, I'd been pretty much against the idea of her and Leah going off to this club where it was dark and full of drunk assholes, but it didn't mean I was in any position to stop them. Jake, however had had other ideas.

"They're what!" he snapped, eyes widening as he paused in wiping his hands. I'd come by the garage to debrief about patrolling near Bella's last night, and slipped in the plans I'd seen Leah make when our paths crossed. Jake was horrified.

"We're meant to be keeping a close eye on her, how the hell are we meant to do that all the way in Port Angeles, and in a goddamn night club?" he asked, tension pulling his shoulders taught as he interrogated me. "Who are they going with? Are they meeting guys there? Have they been vetted?"

I sighed wearily. "It's just the two of 'em, man. I don't think they're actually going to meet anyone specifically.. I think Leah just wants to let off some steam." I half-shrugged, not sure whether to encourage him or assuage his fears. He was partially right – it really wasn't a good idea for Bella to go out of town at night, especially somewhere she would be difficult to guard – but what were we supposed to do? Forbid her? If he thought about it for a second, he'd know that telling Bella she couldn't do something would do little more than encourage her.

Of course, a part of me was just as worried about the _human_ guys she'd meet there as the non-human. She wasn't ready for this – last night had been proof of that – and if I was being truthful, _I_ wasn't ready either. For the first time, I'd had Bella all to my_self_. Sure, it was in a semi-professional capacity, and she still just saw me as one of her friends.. but it was a start, right? With time, maybe she would take me a little more seriously, and see me as something other than a leftover part of her life with Jake. What if she met some douche tonight, and once again I was background-guy?

Who was I kidding? I was lucky that a girl like her would give me the time of day – I shouldn't set myself up for disappointment all over again, and the parade of faceless jerks swimming through my head who could potentially charm her grew longer and longer –I wasn't even any competition.

Why did I have to be so vague? If I'd just been a little clearer that night in her room, telling her that she'd be ready to move on when she found the right person, it hadn't even occurred to her that I meant – maybe – with me... some day. I'd replayed that night over and over, not even being able to hide it completely from my thoughts – they'd see the window anyway. Now she was going out with Leah and would probably end up with some dick who DJ'd part time and had a nickname for his junk.

"So what, Bella's left wide open to attack while Leah flirts-it-up?" he questioned, and I knew better than to warn him about referring to Leah that way – he didn't really mean it, but she had grown kind of partial to dangling guys on a string and cutting them loose since the whole Sam-thing. Maybe she just needed to be validated, we all knew how messed up she'd been. It didn't mean she wouldn't scalp him for making comments like that.

"Leah and Bella are kind of friends, now... she's not going to leave her alone and vulnerable," I bargained, but wasn't sure I was fully convinced. There were plenty of distractions in a place like that, and Bella was really little. What if she got lost? Or some creep grabbed her the second Leah's back was turned? It wasn't Bella's or Leah's judgement I didn't trust, it was everyone else.

"It's not good enough," Jake muttered, shaking his head. He was getting that look when he wanted to divide the Pack's strengths efficiently, or when he was coming up with new strategies for training. I'd come to nickname it The Alpha Brood – I'd never seen it before he stepped up. "I should go," he resigned. My eyebrows just about shot to my hairline when he said that.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean... You're not exactly Bella's favourite person right now. What if she sees you?"

He sighed unhappily and nodded. "I know – that's the whole reason I've been making you guys patrol her house all the time. Sam can't, because of Emily and all, but I feel pretty shitty about having you all so stretched thin and not doing anything about it," he confessed. "It's about time I grew a pair and stopped hiding behind you guys."

I appreciated the gesture, but he was forgetting one vital component – Bella. Not having to see Jake every couple days was more for her benefit than anyone else's.

"Jake, I know you mean well... but don't you think she deserves to go out and not run into her ex?"

"I'd rather she be mad at me than dead," he said with finality, and who could argue with that? "Shit," he said, his hand moving to press a fist to his mouth. "Mel, I forgot.."

"You forgot about Mel?" I said disbelievingly. He shook his head and shot me a withering look.

"No, smartass. I forgot we made plans."

"So what are you going to do? Tell her you're cancelling to go spy on your ex? I'm sure she'll love that..."

"She'll understand," he said, and I didn't think even he believed it from the way his eyes darted from mine. "Okay so maybe I don't have to tell her." He grimaced in pain then, and I found myself edging closer to him with concern. "Sorry... the imprint goes all stab-y if I contemplate betraying her," he sighed. "Alright, so no matter how understanding she is, she's not going to like that, especially with how Bells treated her."

I nodded in agreement. "Yeah, she's a pretty relaxed chick, but nobody's that secure."

"So I'm fucked," Jake said in resignation. "And Bella's fucked. It's all fucked!" He dropped his fist down on the work bench loudly in frustration, and the clenching of his jaw was the only indication that his mind was still working.

His head shot up then with an idea. "Unless..." His face turned to look at me imploringly as he stepped closer.

Knowing where this was going, I held up my hands in protest. "No way, Jake. I am _not_ following them to that club. Leah will castrate me and feed me the remains. Can't you make Paul go? Or Quil?"

"Dude, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't really important. Those two will just see it as a free pass to chase tail – I've seen Paul take his shirt off at parties just to speed up the process from meeting to making out," he said exasperatedly. His expression turned pleading again as he held his palms out. "I'll do anything – you won't have to patrol for a week. I just need her safe, can you do that for me?"

The slight flare of panic of losing my excuse to see Bella shot through me and I swallowed. "Fine," I sighed, unable to argue with his objective; _I_ needed her safe, too. "You don't have to let me off patrols. But you will owe me one."

"You're the best, man. I swear, anything you want, you can have." Somehow I didn't think he'd grant me the only thing that came to mind in that moment, no matter how over her he was.

That was how I found myself sitting in a darkened corner of this club, actually wearing full-length pants and a shirt to comply with dress code, and watching while two guys practically marked Leah as their territory. I watched the people around the club, how couples seemed to gravitate towards one another, and how some seemed to just not care what they did in public. It was pretty disgusting, but I couldn't ignore the tiny pang of jealousy I felt each time I caught sight of someone sharing a kiss, or a close, heated dance. Worse still, was the couple three seas away, simply talking and whispering to each other, holding hands and enjoying each others' company. Would I ever have something like that? Or better yet, would I ever be over Bella enough to even _want_ something like that with someone who wasn't her?

Bella sat alone by the dance floor, looking like she regretted agreeing to come. She seemed to be doing an okay job of letting anyone who approached her down gently, and a small swell of pride – and relief – washed over me. In that moment, I felt stupid for having such little faith in Bella – she wasn't as naive as everyone seemed to think, and could take care of herself. I wasn't sure how I'd forgotten that in my panic.

Vibration in my pocket tore my attention away from the mission to see a second message – one from Quil and the first from Jake - light up the screen. It was still weird enough that I'd had to dress up to come here and put crap in my hair to make it all douchey, but that Jake had made me bring my cell instead of being phased made this feel a little more professional. Maybe one day I could become a real spy?

I tried not to snort at how ridiculous that was. I'd be lucky to go to college and not spend the rest of my days picking up welfare cheques.

Jake: _What's the latest?_

Quil: _Dude, you went to a club without me?_

I typed a message assuring Jake that everything was alright and hit send before moving to put the phone away – but Quil refused to take my lack of response as an answer.

Q: _Are there strippers? Are they drunk? Man, you're so fucked if I'm missing drunk strippers._

I smirked good-naturedly – the guy seriously only thought about one thing. Not for the first time. I wondered if for once, imprinting could actually have a practical function – mentally castrating Quil.

_It's not that kind of place, man. Like you could land a stripper anyway. Zero game._

Q:_ Dude, I have game._

_Oh yeah? I forgot about all those times you got laid..._

Q:_ Get off my dick. I have standards, okay?_

_Yeah... standards so high you're asking me about drunk strippers._

I waited for the smartass response when another message from Jake came through.

J: _Does it look like she's having fun?_

I blew out a breath, feeling once again uncomfortable to be spying on Bella this way – and especially reporting back to Jacob. No matter how well-intentioned he was, she deserved her privacy and to enjoy her night without me here, relaying her every move. This really wasn't any of his business – but the buried guilt over how he'd hurt her meant he was more curious than most. I looked back to the stool she'd been perched on – but she was gone.

Bile rose in my throat as the terror hit me. I'd had _one _job – and now she was gone, and it was all my fault.

I sprang out of my seat and towards where she'd been sitting, trying to pick out the faint vestiges of her scent through the crowd, but it was useless – the place was like a sauna filled with the pheromones of 150 drunk teens. There was little chance of distinguishing one scent from another. I got to the edge of the sunken dancefloor and braced my hands on the guardrail – and breathed a sigh of relief. Bella was dancing – albeit kind of awkwardly – with some guy I'd never seen before. She was alive, though, and that counted for something. I sank onto a stool and and pulled my phone out again.

_Yeah – she's dancing._

I figured it was best to leave out the mild panic attack I'd had when I thought she'd been kidnapped, or the fact she was dancing with a guy – Jake was more than a little irritated when she'd gone out with the Newton weiner; no-one would be good enough for Bella.

J: _Haha... I bet that's entertaining. Thanks for doing this, man. I feel better knowing you're there._

_Don't worry about it, just remember you owe me._

A slender hand squeezing my knee tore my attention away from the phone to lock eyes with a confident smirk. I'd seen the girl around Forks before, and she'd come to the beach a couple of times with kids from Bella's school.

"You're way too sexy to be sitting here all lonely like that," she purred, and the stench of cheap vodka on her breath would have made a lesser man's head swim. "How about some company? I'm Lauren," she introduced, holding out her hand delicately for me to take. Her boobs were pushed up almost to her chin, blonde hair teased up in some kind of bee-hive-meets-birds-nest style, and the acrid perfume she was wearing did little to cover up the scent of arousal and desperation emanating from her pores.

She arched her brow flirtatiously, waiting for me to reciprocate, but I was too distracted by the way her hand was snaking up my thigh to form a coherent answer. Girls I knew weren't normally this aggressive, and I wasn't exactly well practised in talking to them.

"Uh... Hi..." I said unsurely, my mind fighting to catch up with the way she was making my skin crawl. "I'm okay, thanks."

"'_Okay'_? What kind of a name is that?" she teased, her tongue darting out to taste the sticky lip-gloss smeared over her lips. I huffed out a breath – this girl didn't get turned down often, and I suspected it was because she didn't take no for an answer. She leaned in slowly, pressing her chest up against my shoulder as she whispered in my ear. "You don't have to tell me your name, I'm sure that pretty mouth of yours can do much better than talking..."

Her grip tightened on my thigh to punctuate her words, and I just about jumped out of my skin when I felt her mouth on my earlobe – the wolf was feeling threatened, and we did _not _do well when cornered.

"Look, uh... Lauren. I'm really just here for a friend. I'm not interested okay?" I said, shaking my head and cringing at the lack of conviction in my voice. Lauren pouted and twirled a hand through the ends of her hair.

"Aww, don't be like that, sweetie.. who says you can't have a little fun, huh?" She leaned in to my face again, and I remembered to hold my breath and lean back in defence against the vodka fumes. "I won't tell anyone, if you won't," she said, lowering her voice seductively.

Just about ready to turn tail and run, Lauren's shoulder was jerked back suddenly, and she spun around in irritation to reveal Bella, almost a foot shorter than her, and with a look of disgust on her face as she eyed her from head to toe.

"Lauren," she spat over the din of the music, "Should have known this was your scene. Don't you know better than to inflict yourself on my poor, unsuspecting friends? At least until your herpes have cleared up."

For the first time all night, I got a good look at Bella; and she was stunning. I'd never seen so much of her on show before, but in stark contrast to the girl she was laying into, she did it with class and grace – the latter description not one normally afforded to the girl I knew. Her hair was styled to perfection, and the dark shadow applied to her eyes made their colour pop, even in the dim lighting of the club. There was a fierceness in them, too, that I hadn't even seen before; Bella was being protective – protective of _me._

Lauren wrinkled her nose, as if Bella was something she'd scraped off the bottom of her shoe and squared her shoulders. I fought the angry tremor that ripped through me – who was this bitch to think she could look at Bella that way?

"Should have known you'd have got your claws into him first, Bella. Spreading it around a little, don't you think?" she called over the throbbing bass. Even if they weren't yelling, it wouldn't have been too hard to hear the exchange.

Bella jutted out her hip confidently and rested her hand there. It was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen.

"Well, you'd know all about 'spreading it', wouldn't you? Just need to ask the _entire _football team." I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing – I'd been worried about this side of Bella becoming more dominant, but now, the confidence she was displaying (most of it was still bravado) just made her all the more attractive. Why shouldn't she call someone out when they deserved it?

Lauren rolled her eyes and flicked a lock of platinum blonde over her shoulder. "Not my fault you're jealous," she scoffed, and Bella smirked mockingly.

"Sure, Lauren. I'm jealous," she deadpanned, before her face lit up in a sarcastic grin. "You've got team spirit, yes you do!" The twisted cheer was Lauren's cue to leave, and Bella continued to chant after her until she was out of earshot. I finally stopped holding on to my laughter and let it out, clutching my stomach to contain the vibration. It only took a few seconds to realise that Bella hadn't joined in, and was looking at me sternly, her eyes raking over my body slowly to take in my clothes, my stupid hair, and the cellphone in my hand.

I was in big trouble.

Bella clutched my elbow and began walking – I had no choice but to allow her to lead me. Hell, I'd follow her anywhere when she was looking like _that, _but the trepidation bubbling within me made me drag my feet. This could not end well.

Her hair tickled my bicep as it flowed behind her, and it sent thousands of jolts of energy up my arm – the smallest contact with her eliciting reactions I was powerless to control. But this wasn't the time to get lost in that; the determination on her face as she searched the club with her eyes told me that much.

"Where are we going, Bella?" I hedged, almost nervous for the answer.

"Somewhere quiet, where we're going to talk, and you're going to tell me why the hell you're here."

The whole time she spoke, I could do nothing but try to get a better look at her face, mapping out the beauty of her skin, and figure out if she was wearing lipstick, and whether it would make the experience of kissing her any different to the countless other times I'd imagined it. The proximity of her body and her hand on my arm was clouding my thoughts, and despite the annoyance in her expression, the biggest part of me was just electrified to be _this_ close, to see her all fired up like this, and pathetically, to have another chance just to be alone with her.

Yeah, I was in _big_ trouble.

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**A/N: Dammit, Embry can't catch a break can he? It's not even his fault this time!**

**This was a slightly longer chapter, hopefully it will move the story along a little more so we can get to the good stuff. **

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed – they really do help motivate me and figure out where I'm going with this!**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts, and don't be afraid to tell me what you'd like to see in the next chapter.**


	18. The Bro Code

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

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**Chapter Eighteen: The Bro Code**

**BPOV**

"Embry? Embry!" I leaned back a little to get a better look at him, and couldn't help but squint in the dim light. We were standing in a narrow hallway, connecting the main room of the club to the rest-rooms and Embry wasn't saying _anything._

"Why do you keep staring at my mouth?"

"I'm not-" he shot back abruptly, letting his jaw hang open for a moment, but still he didn't continue.

"Oh, so you ___haven't _lost the power of speech."

His lips disappeared into a thin line as he folded his arms, straightening up to his full hight and shooting a defiant look down at me. I hated when they did that.

"I don't have to tell you anything," he said mutinously, but the tiniest spark of uncertainty in his stare would have given him away, even without the prominent bob of his throat.

"You really think that's going to work? What are you, seven?" I said with confidence – I'd get it out of him, the easy way or the hard way. "Why the hell are you here, Embry?"

He appeared to chew on his tongue for a minute while he thought up the right answer.

"If you have to think about it, it's not the truth," I said, unable to hide the annoyance from my tone. My eyes darted between his, willing the answer to present itself,but he fixed his stare anywhere else he could rest it.

I felt like my privacy had been invaded, and the one time I'd been able to go off somewhere and have a normal, teenage experience, he'd tainted it. His very presence here was a reminder of the danger I was in – was it too much to ask that I could forget about it, just for a night?

"I'm here to meet girls," he said finally, almost triumphant that he'd managed to string another sentence together.

"Oh yeah? Girls like Lauren? 'Cause you didn't look very happy to meet her. Why else would I have had to rescue you."

He looked at me strangely then, as if just remembering something. "Yeah, why _did_ you do that? You didn't have to." Then it was my turn to look perplexed. I gestured towards his chest with an upturned palm.

"You're my friend, she's a pain, and you looked like you were being bothered. Why the hell not?"

He gave a slight shrug, looking at me head-on with a thoughtful glint. "I don't know. Guess I didn't figure you'd really care. I haven't much seen you like that before."

"Aggressive?" I snorted, relaxing my posture and taking a step back from him. I was aware he was changing the subject, but something behind that closed, mysterious expression was tugging at my curiosity. I could never tell what was going on behind those eyes.

"Protective," he corrected, and there was something akin to pride in the statement. The corners of my lips curled slightly, and he was looking at them again, but I wasn't going to stray off the path this time.

"Like ___you're_being? You're not a liar, Embry, so I know you wouldn't be feeding me this crap if you didn't have something to hide. What is it?" My attention was drawn once again to the cellphone in his hand, which was lighting up at regular intervals with new notifications. "Who is it you're talking to?"

He lifted the phone slightly when I mentioned it, turning the screen upwards, and one name stood out on the display –___Jake calling. _My suspicions were confirmed instantly. I saw red.

"He___made _you come, didn't he? That's why you're here." I blew out a breath and moved to pace the corridor. My blood was boiling. "The one night I come out to blow off a little steam, and he sends you along to report back. Jesus Christ."

Embry's face was a mixture of guilt and indecision, and I threw my hands up in annoyance. "Oh for fuck sake, answer it. We can't have him worried, can we?" He looked apologetic for a moment before holding the phone to his ear and turning away.

"Hello? Yeah, man... it's okay but-" he turned his head to glance at me from where he was pacing, clearly unsure whether to continue. His eyes went wide and a hand buried itself in his hair. "I think the jig is up. She found me out, man. I might crack under this kind of pressure."

I rolled my eyes at his attempt to lighten the mood and approached him, holding my hand out for the phone. He looked at it and raised a brow, shaking his head when he met my eyes again.

Really reaching the end of my patience, I sighed, dug him hard in the stomach with my finger and grabbed the phone when he winced in pain. He wasn't the only one - my damn finger felt sprained.

"Jacob?" I ground out, "Care to explain why you've got Embry here doing your dirty work?"

"Uh... Hi Bells," he replied nervously. It was a low move to use that pet-name.

"Well? I wasn't aware I was under house-arrest. I'm out with Leah! It's not like she'd let anything happen to me."

"Bella, look, I was just trying-"

"I don't care, Jacob. I'm sick of people making decisions for me. Leah's the only one who seems to think I'm not fucking helpless!"

"Is she with you right now?" he asked. ___Shit... that was a good point._

"Well, no, but-"

I lowered my voice as a group of girls laughingly made their way past me and into the bathroom. Jacob took my half-sentence as an opening to put forth his argument.

"That's what I thought. I couldn't be sure you ladies wouldn't get separated in a place like that." The note of triumph in his reply grated on me.

"You're such a chauvinist pig!" I growled, my fist clenching angrily. I had no doubt that had it been one of the other guys I was out with, he would have been content to let me go.

"This isn't about you being girls, it's about the both of you being so hell-bent on proving everyone wrong that you'll put yourselves at risk. I'm not just going to stand by and let you get hurt, Bella."

"You mean hurt ___again _Jake," I said coolly. "Believe me, I'm a lot tougher than you think – we both are. Maybe there's a lot more that we can handle these days."

"Bella..." he said, sighing at the entendre of my words. "I'm sorry things have to be this way, but I stand by my decision. You're not going to convince me otherwise."

"Don't worry, I'm done trying to convince you of ___anything _Jacob. Just do me a favour in future. If you're going to interfere in my life, at least have the balls to do it yourself."

I hung up the call after that, turning to toss it at Embry as I grunted in frustration and kicked at a small trashcan. He let the clatter echo though the corridor and just watched me.

"I guess you agree with him," I said, still facing the wall. I turned to take in the thoughtful look on his face as he huffed out a breath, burying the phone back in the pocket of his jeans.

It was odd to see Embry dressed this way, and for the first time I noticed the carefully pressed shirt he was wearing and what looked like product in his hair, giving it a dry, tousled look. He'd obviously planned to come here tonight pretty carefully, and the thought only fuelled my aggravation.

"Not exactly, but I get where he's coming from," he said, breaking the pause between us. I shook my head.

___Of course._

He stumbled to correct my assumption, clearly reading my angry expression. "It's not that I think you're helpless, or that we can't trust you with your own safety, but you and Leah seem so hell-bent on asserting your independence. It's admirable, but it doesn't mean the rest of us won't worry - and we ___don't _trust vampires. It was too much of a risk."

"So you just followed his orders like a faithful little pup?" I said. I sounded so cutting, but I was ___so_sick of being rescued.

He shook his head, "Jake may be my Alpha, but I volunteered to come." I took a step closer to him, searching his face for a lie, any indication that he was still defending Jacob.

I let the new information sink in – Jacob had taken control of the Pack, finally, like his birthright dictated. I instinctively knew that Melanie had something to do with it – with her by his side, he finally found the inner strength I always knew he'd had. I just hadn't been able to draw it out.

Once again, the feeling of inadequacy rippled within me, and I wondered if he'd been right about me. Maybe I ___was _affording myself more confidence than was warranted. Maybe I never would be ___worthy._

They certainly weren't busting their tails trying to _save ____her _all the time, and she'd never been hunted down like an animal. I was nothing more than a thorn in each of their sides, someone who had to be babysat twenty-four-seven because I was a danger to myself and everyone who came in contact with me.

I couldn't fathom how Embry didn't seem to think so.

"Why? If you think I'm so strong, that I don't need to be protected from myself, why willingly come here, knowing that it'd piss me off?" He clearly thought as much from the way he'd hidden his presence at the club from me.

"It was either me, or Jake would have come here himself... I uh," he paused, looking sheepish, but I couldn't figure out why. "I guess I thought that you'd be less upset to see me here."

I couldn't argue with that, and felt my anger softening. He was right – as mad as I was, setting eyes on Jacob tonight would have had me seething.

"You thought right," I finally said, approvingly. "Guess you're a lot smarter than he is."

Embry smiled then, and I felt the rest of my anger slip away. It was easy to see how everyone seemed to like him so much. He was as loyal and thoughtful as they came, and I felt lucky to have his friendship.

"So why are you telling me this? Why not blame Jacob and plead your innocence?"

He shrugged, his mouth twisting in contemplation before his eyes melded to my own. "Because it's the truth, and you deserve ___that__, _at least. Maybe I think you should have all the facts before you decide who you're going to be mad with."

I returned his smile with appreciation. If anything, the mere consideration that I deserved all the details was one of the nicest things he'd ever done for me. I stood before him, looking at my friend in a brand new light. He regarded me openly, his face betraying nothing, but his eyes were once again on my lips.

"Seriously, Embry, why do you keep looking at my mouth?" I demanded, and his stare darted to the wall behind me. Even in the low-lighting, and contrasting with the tone of his skin, there was no mistaking the rush of heat to his cheeks. What the hell was on his mind?

"You look really uh, _different, _tonight Bella." My hand shot to my mouth automatically, hiding the imperfection in my make-up he was obviously too polite to point out. Goddamn it, now___I _was blushing.

"Shit, what's wrong? I still haven't gotten used to wearing this stuff..." I stammered, shooting a look towards the ladies room and wondering how I could make it without anyone seeing. I needed a mirror, and fast. His eyes crinkled at the corners in a smile and he shook his head.

"No, what I meant is... it's not... You look good, is what I meant to say," he clarified, looking at me again. "I like how you look." My blush was back and I glanced away, laughing softly.

"Oh. Well um, thanks, I guess."

"'S no problem. Just telling the truth." The expression on his face was so open, I had no problem believing that he actually meant it. "In fact, I think... well it's something I notice-"

"Why don't you have a girlfriend, Embry?" I asked, cutting in. I didn't mean to be rude, but the question had been recurring in my mind since talking to Leah earlier. He looked slightly taken aback for a second, and just blinked at me.

"What?" he said simply, suddenly looking like he'd rather be anywhere but here.

"I don't mean to pry, but it's just.. well, Leah said something earlier, and I got to thinking. You're a really nice guy. How come no girl has snapped you up already?"

I couldn't determine the expression on his face as he shrugged. "Not sure. Most people_ on_ the Rez know my family history – or lack thereof. And off? Well, I guess no-one's really caught my attention that way."

I studied him closely, the discomfort written all over his face as he avoided eye contact. He looked like he was lying – about the last part at least, but we weren't close enough for me to press the issue – yet. I relaxed my penetrating gaze a little, brushing off his answer as acceptable.

"Well, that sucks, because you're a catch," I smiled, and he returned it shyly. "In fact, since you came anyway, why don't you see if there's anyone _here _that you like. Maybe I can play wingwoman. Girls are much more open to giving you a chance if you've got _another _girl vouching for you." I frowned slightly, not exactly confident in my theory. "Well, at least that's the way it is on TV..."

The look of horror on his face was, I felt, a little too extreme for the situation. "No way, Bella. I am _not_ picking up chicks with you."

"Why not?" I pouted, remembering my advantage in the equation. "It's the least you can do after crashing my party."

He looked indecisive, but knew I had him. "Don't you want to meet some _guys_?"

My eyes widened, aghast. "Hell no! That's not what tonight was about. I just wanted to get out of the house for a while. Out of my comfort zone." I smiled, looking him up and down. "Besides, I don't think I'd get approached much with a six-foot Quileute beside me – it kind of negates the single-girl _thing. _I narrowed my eyes again in disbelief. _"_You really think I want to meet someone in a _nightclub_?"

"You seem to think I do."

"Touché," I smirked. "Alright. We won't actually approach anyone, but I'm still curious. What is it you look for in a girl, appearance-wise?"

He wet his lips for a beat, but before he could answer, Leah burst through the door like a damn typhoon.

"Jesus Christ, I half-expected to find you two banging in the bathrooms!" she announced, approaching us with confidence. "You've been in here like ten minutes."

"You knew where I was?" I asked, actually surprised.

"What do you think I am, an amateur? I've known where you are at all times tonight. Bravo for actually getting off your lazy ass and dancing, and bravo even more for putting the Barbie skank in her place," she smiled proudly.

"You saw that, huh?" I giggled. It wasn't my best moment, but the satisfaction of actually standing up to Lauren was hard to shake off.

"Fuck yeah, I did. He looked like he was going to piss himself when she came up to him," she said jerking a thumb at Embry. He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. "Don't even try to argue, Spidey. One look at her tits and you lost all coherent thought."

I couldn't help but laugh at his expense as he struggled to defend himself. "I wasn't – I mean yeah, they were pretty on-show, but anyone would have-" he stammered and Leah laid a condescending hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay dude. You like boobs. We get it. At least we can put the rumours to rest," she winked.

He frowned slightly, about to ask what rumours she was referring to, but somehow I didn't think it'd do his ego any good to hear them. "Actually, Embry was just about to employ me as his wingwoman. We're gonna check out the local talent and see if we can figure out why he's been single all this time," I said with excitement, looping my arm through his. Leah looked between us, her gaze lingering on Embry.

"Oh I think I know why," she said, laughter in her eyes. "But if you really think it's a good idea having _Bella _set you up with someone, go right ahead, Call." She was looking at him knowingly, and a slow expression of recognition seeped into his features.

"Is that a dig at my track record with relationships?" I asked, trying to figure out the knowledge that was passing between them, but Leah shook her head.

"Not in the least, Swan. Just making sure Embry here knows what he's getting himself into, and who with."

I frowned, still unsure how that wasn't a snide comment directed at me.

"I know fine," he said stubbornly. Leah shrugged and held out her hands. She still couldn't keep the knowing glint from her eyes.

"I'm just saying, Jake sure chose badly sending _you _here. I mean, it's one thing to be afraid of vampires, but afraid of girls, too?"

"Did you know he'd been sent here?" I asked, wondering how she'd managed to keep her cool. I still wasn't completely over it.

"I guessed as much when I saw Bambi here," she jerked her chin towards him and he folded his arms.

"Yeah, well, if it hadn't been your bright idea to bring Bella to a dive like this, I wouldn't have had to come."

"Bella can handle herself," she shot back, and I felt a swell of pride that Leah Clearwater would say something like that about me. "And me? Well, show me a guy in this place I couldn't take in a fight." She gestured one hand out towards the rest of the club challengingly.

"Don't doubt that," he conceded. "But couldn't you have picked somewhere a little better to let off some steam?"

"Desperate times, young Skywalker," she said, and I smiled yet another nickname she'd bestowed on him. "Point me in the direction of somewhere better and I'll go – but this is fine for now. I'm not after much."

She looked at me with fake sincerity, straight in the eye. "I'm about one kick in the teeth away from becoming a stripper."

I snorted in laughter and covered my mouth, feeling guilty for finding the thinly-veiled confession so funny.

"Jeez, Leah, can't believe it's gotten so bad," Embry said dryly. "I almost feel sorry for you."

"You should," she said in mock earnest. "The last guy I saw naked was... well, _you. _Mama needs some brain bleach." I was trying not to laugh, I really was, but it wasn't working out.

"Shouldn't you be out there asking someone if he's 'DTF'?" He sneered, and Leah threw her head back in laughter.

"Oh please, if I could still get drunk enough to channel my inner-Snooki, I'd be Jersey Turnpikin' my ass all over this place," she snickered. Embry rolled his eyes and snorted.

"Sure, but just remember, 'no means no'."

"Honey, when_ I_ turn on the charm, none of 'em are saying 'no'," she said, flicking him under the chin. He smiled despite himself and shot me a '_can you believe her?_' look, raised eyebrow et al.

"Alright then, I'm gonna leave you guys to it. There's a sweet-lookin' nineteen-year-old in there just begging to be corrupted," she said, turning back to the direction of the club's main room. "I'll see you guys at the end of the night."

I was doing a piss-poor job of being a wingwoman. Embry had pretty much clammed up the moment I led him back out to the main room, and he crinkled his nose at every girl I pointed out. Some of them were really stunning, so beautiful that even_ I _could imagine laying one on them, but nothing seemed to be doing it for Embry.

"Alright, let's get back to basics," I called over the music. "Blondes, brunettes or red-heads?"

He pressed his lips together for a moment, looking around the club as he thought. "Brunettes," he said. I nodded, scanning the dancefloor for someone suitable. He'd chosen well – there were plenty of dark-haired girls around.

"Alright, what about her?" I asked, pointing to a tall, Amazonian creature who would give Leah a run for her money. He shook his head.

"Too tall. Why would I want to be with someone who could lift me up or split me in half? Girls are supposed to be soft, and delicate, not training for the WWE," he said, and I giggled at the mental image, even if it wasn't strictly true.

"Alright... there's a little one, and she looks like you could carry her under one arm."

"Too tan," he said, shaking his head and sipping his drink. Embry could have gotten served if he wanted to, but didn't see the point when it'd burn off in his blood stream after several minutes anyway.

"But you're Native American!" I laughed, and he rolled up his sleeve, displaying a taught, muscular – and russet-brown- arm.

"This?" he said, holding his wrist up, "All real, baby." He smirked devilishly and held his drink out towards the dancing girl. "_That_, is fake as can be. And it smells terrible – like stale cookies," he complained, scrunching up his face. I coughed as I swallowed my drink, tying to reign in the laughter.

"You can smell that from here?" I asked, patting my lip for the remnants of my soda.

"Can't you? Seriously, she stinks like three-day-old muffins."

"Alright, I get the point," I giggled. "Why don't _you _point someone out to me. Show me what you like." He was thoughtful for a moment and glanced at me from the corner of his eye.

"I don't see anybody," he insisted. "Really."

I sighed – I wasn't getting anywhere, and the game wasn't much fun if he wasn't going to play along. "Alright, I am defeated. You are impossible to wingwoman for."

He smiled triumphantly and gulped down the rest of his drink.

"Good, you're finally getting it. Now. We get to do what _I _want to do."

I frowned warily and turned to him. "And what's that?" I asked, but I got my answer when I followed his gaze to the dancefloor. I shook my head. "No way, Embry Call. I am _not _dancing with you," I vowed. His eyebrows shot up pleadingly and he looked to the ground, toeing it sadly, appealing to my softer side.

"That's not going to work," I said confidently.

"But you danced with that other guy! And you didn't even know him!"

"Exactly. I'll never have to see him again, therefore it didn't matter that I had two left feet!"

Embry's shoulders rose and fell in a deep sigh, and I found myself struggling to say no – until an incredibly cheesy song floated out over the speakers, and his eyes shot to mine again in a silent plea.

"If I do this, you're not allowed to think about it in front of the others, and you don't get to mention it again," I warned. He nodded, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth and led me by the wrist to the dance floor. I spotted Leah immediately, and moved towards her until we were standing close enough to all dance together. The song was a huge hit, and the in-sync moves Embry and Leah were throwing out meant I was doing more giggling than dancing – but I liked it that way.

When the song ended I made my escape from the dancefloor before I could be coerced again, and Embry looked triumphant in his success.

"Happy now?" I asked, as we took our seats after ordering another drink. He laughed lightly – more genuinely than I'd seen in a long time.

"Yeah. I got what I wanted," he shrugged, "you're too easy, Bella." He gave me the same pleading look, this time sniffling slightly – it was well-practised, and I had definitely been played. I smacked his arm in reprimand and sat back in the seat.

"I knew what I was doing, it was a one-time-only thing. Do _not _get used to it." He smiled and nodded, regarding my face still with the self-satisfied look on his own. The music slowed down a little to the point where I could actually hear myself think. "And Embry?"

"Yeah, Bella?"

"You're still staring at my mouth."

* * *

**A/N: Eep. This was so fun to write, but I was trying to be careful not to have either of them _too _OOC. I hope I succeeded.**

**Things are starting to get a little more familiar between those two, huh? I know a lot of you wanted a kiss, but it's just not the right time yet. I'm sure you can tell, though, Embry's been thinking about that a lot, too.**

**It was really nice for Bella to have a little fun for once, and Leah.**

**This story is this week's Weekly Wolf Fic on Twific Central, and I am absolutely stunned. It's amazing to get the recognition in the same week I won two JBNP awards for my other two Twilight stories. Thanks to everyone who has voted and I hope to keep turning out chapters you all enjoy.**

**Until next time, p****lease let me know what you think.**


	19. Insight

****_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen: Insight**

"Paul, it's barely nine in the morning, it's my day off, and I am _not _in the mood for your crap today," I grumbled, pulling the hood of the sweatshirt over where my hair was matted with spray. The dewy morning air was chilling my skin, still-heated from sleep as I leaned out my brand new bedroom window. I'd been in bed roughly five hours – It had taken a while after leaving the club to actually find Leah, despite what she'd promised.

Truthfully, although we'd planned to go out on a girls' night, and had only spent the first two hours at the club together, I hadn't missed her. Passing the remainder of the night with Embry had reminded me what male company was like _before _everything got complicated. He wasn't hanging out with me with the expectation that it would inevitably turn into something more, and seemed content to just live in the situation, giving ourselves over to the moment. For once, every aspect of my life from my future to the current state of my friendship with Jacob hadn't been under a microscope. I decided I liked it that way.

We'd left the club together, waiting outside in the night's chill and searching for any signs of Leah.

* * *

"Even though you totally weren't invited, you're a pretty good back-up date, Embry," I jibed, moving to nudge him playfully with my folded arms. He leaned his head back against the outer-wall, propping a foot up at the same time, and looked down at me amusedly.

"Thanks, but I draw the line at bathroom-buddies," he replied, and I found myself giggling for what felt like the hundredth time that night. Everything about this had been so easy, and for the first time in _months_, not weighed down by reminders of my inadequacy or awkward pauses punctuated by mentions of Jacob's name. In fact, I hadn't so much as given him a passing thought for hours – despite the company.

"It's okay, I'm not really into the whole girls-going-off-to-pee-together thing. Always seemed a little suspicious to me."

"I assumed it was so you could talk trash about us guys when we weren't around to hear," he ventured, and I shrugged, pulling my arms around my middle to stave off the chill.

"Sometimes it is, but it's mostly a security thing," I said. "Besides, I'm pretty used to being around people who can hear through walls if they really want to."

Several other kids milled around, exchanging slurred conversation, declarations of love, and phone numbers. Every so often, one of the girls would catch sight of Embry and throw him a meticulous look, but he was oblivious. It was amusing, actually, watching the expression on their faces when they caught sight of him, and how their posture instantly straightened, their voices became louder, and everything went further towards catching his attention – but to no avail. I enjoyed how humble he was, and wondered again what kind of girl it would take to actually catch his eye. No-one here seemed to have the qualities he was looking for.

I watched how they interacted, so carefree and ignorant of any harm that could come their way. They were invincible. It was how I wanted to feel, once all of the mess with Victoria was over, and I'd gotten a taste of how that could be tonight, with Leah and Embry.

His smile turned thoughtful and he let his arms drop to his pockets. "I bet that gets pretty old fast, huh?"

"I've gotten used to it. I haven't had much privacy since I moved here – everything from how hungry I am to the brand of bodywash I use can be determined by you guys."

It was true – I'd become so accustomed to spending time around the superhuman that extra-thorough showers and avoiding private discussions when I wasn't completely alone with others had become second nature to me. I didn't eat anything that would hang on my breath for hours, and my dentist had nominated me his ideal patient – I never missed a check-up. It became a part of my life with Edward, and after I found out about the wolves, it stayed. If I thought about it all too much, I'd drive myself crazy with paranoia.

"So is that part of the reason you went out with Hair Gel?" he asked, mischief alight in his expression. I blew out a breath good-naturedly and gave him an admonishing look.

"Not consciously, no. But if I really think about it, maybe?" I thought aloud, watching more of the club's inebriated patrons come out the door. Leah still wasn't among them. "I think you were kind of right about me giving him a chance purely because he's human... I mean, I guess maybe I wanted to see what it was like to _not _be the only one who couldn't hear what song was playing in someone's car two streets away."

"It's not as impressive as _that,_" he smiled, shaking his head, "I mean, yeah, we can do that, but it's with a certain amount of concentration, and we learn to tune it out soon after the first phase."

"You can still do it, though, and see better than I could ever dream of," I said, "...aaand I'm suddenly getting self-conscious again." I shielded my face with my hands playfully, and turned away before he took hold of my wrists, exposing me to his smile.

"Don't hide, Bella, it's not as if you're not easy to look at," he said, raising an eyebrow. Taken aback by his words, I stiffened.

The knee-jerk reaction had come about because what he said felt much too close to flirting to me, but I berated myself, because I was pretty sure Embry didn't even know_ how._

"I mean-" he stammered, letting out a nervous chuckle and back-pedalling, fast. "Look, I don't mean it like _that_, I already told you, you look good tonight. It's a friendly compliment."

His fearful expression was enough to convince me that it had slipped out without any foreknowledge of the implications. I chewed on the inside of my mouth in admonishment. How full of myself did I have to be to assume _every_ guy I got marginally close to was into me?

"I know," I scoffed, tangling my fingers in the ends of my hair, "I just- uh, I don't know what I thought. Please, ignore me Embry," I asked as I shook my head and threw up my hands dismissively.

He didn't answer, instead turning his face away and scanning the crowd. My guard went up immediately, fearing that he'd spotted something – or someone, who definitely _wasn't _invited, and was out to get me. "Embry?"

He frowned thoughtfully, looking at an imaginary watch and folding his arms again. "_Embry..._"

I nudged him with the arm closest to him and he finally looked at me, holding his palms out in feigned innocence. "What? You told me to ignore you."

I rolled my eyes at the joke and chuckled. "Oh, that's hilarious. Remind me again why Quil's the funny one?" He looked outraged.

"_Quil's _the funny one?"

"Not intentionally," I conceded, enjoying the tease.

"And here I always thought that was me. I need to re-evaluate my whole life now," he groaned dramatically, and my shoulders sank in a disapproving sigh at his humour. It was a mistake to stop hugging myself, and I winced at the nipping touch of the night air.

"It's not that I'm looking all that hard, Bella, but anyone could see that you're freezing. Didn't you bring a jacket?"

I looked away abashedly. "I forgot, and Leah wasn't wearing one, so I didn't exactly figure I'd need it," I said, rubbing circles on the goosebumps tracking down my arm.

Embry's face contorted. "Crap, I didn't bring one either.. I can't remember the last time I wore a shirt for a whole day," he said honestly, and it was easy to believe. I could feel the heat radiating off him already, and I found that I was gravitated to the warmth, whether I could help it or not. Our shoulders were touching slightly, and I felt his muscles tense in the faintest way through the plaid cotton of his shirt.

"It's okay," I shuddered, "I've felt worse." A brief flash of the night I spent in the tent, an entire world away, almost jerked me. Memories of my other life didn't come though so often anymore.

"Still, it sucks I can't help you, at least not until Leah gets here with the damn car keys." He looked off into the doorway again, drawing a long breath through his nose in an attempt to locate her, We'd both decided that whatever she was up to, it was best she wasn't disturbed. That innocent nineteen-year-old was on his own.

A few steps away, a light-hearted conversation became heated between two guys. Before I could blink, it had escalated into a fight and a glass bottle appeared from nowhere, only to be smashed to the ground near my feet. I shrieked in fright, pressing further into Embry's side as he backed off from the wall, laying a protective arm around my shoulders.

I drew comfort from his warmth, and the bulk of his frame shielding me from the ruckus. Two bouncers exited the doorway, quickly taking control and assessing the damage. I breathed a sigh of relief as the group dispersed, leaving Embry and I almost alone, and my heart hammering against my ribs.

"You okay?" he said, squeezing my shoulder lightly to draw my attention. I nodded silently, looking at my exposed toes for any sign of blood. His thumb rubbed lightly over my exposed shoulder, and I selfishly and hungrily welcomed the gesture, my breathing finally reaching a pace where I wasn't experiencing a burning in my throat.

"Yeah, guess I don't deal so well with conflict," I brushed off, laughing lightly.

"Makes two of us."

"Really? For someone who spends his days patrolling for the undead in the hopes of ripping them apart, I didn't think a brawl between drunken teenagers would matter much. You could probably have taken both of them at once," I smirked through my lashes, and was painfully aware I sounded like some bimbo about to feel his bicep. But still, it was the truth – I'd seen Quil lift one half of a car up searching for his keys with minimal exertion.

He returned the smile and shrugged lightly. "Doesn't mean I want to." The look on his face was like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I think there's still a scrawny little nobody who got the shit kicked out of him buried in here somewhere."

"So if you hadn't wolfed out, you'd still be a little nerd?" I asked, laughing at the contrast of his current appearance to the Embry he was referring to.

He blew out a breath. "Probably... Actually, Newt-Boy and I would have a lot in common, even if he _does_ try to pass himself off as a jock," he confessed, cringing. I mocked a gasp, looking at him with widening eyes.

"Really? Maybe I should introduce you two properly, you could be BFFs..." He shot me a withering look, clenching his jaw. "Or maybe not," I chuckled.

Several more exited the club, this time a lot less rambunctious. I guessed maybe the late hour was wearing on them, like it was on me. I leaned further into Embry's side, absorbing the heat from his arm that was still draped carefully around me and fought a yawn. I was surprised at how at home I felt there. It was familiar and new all at once, but I knew if I started analysing everything, I'd ruin it - so I didn't, enjoying the absence of complication.

"So, what changed your mind?" he said suddenly, and I struggled to figure out the origin of his question. "About Hair Gel, I mean. You said you wanted to see what dating a human was like."

I chewed over the thought for a moment before answering. "I guess I realised that it's not a part of my life I'm going to be able to leave behind. Maybe I'm too immersed in everything now," I theorised, pulling the reasoning out of my tired brain as I pressed my temple into his shoulder. "I'd like to say that I'll put all of this in my rear-view mirror – I've thought about it enough – but I guess you guys weren't the only ones who went through a transition this year."

_Literally and figuratively... _

"It shouldn't have to be like this – I shouldn't _know _about this part of life, but I do."

"It sounds like you kind of like it that way," he observed, studying me curiously.

"I _did_, hell, I welcomed it – whether I meant to or not; this whole world I never knew existed, creatures I thought lived in books, but I guess I found out that life - and magic - doesn't always work out the way we intended it to. It can be thrilling and exhilarating and make you feel like you're standing on top of a tall building with nothing but the wind keeping you there... but sometimes magic turns dark and it bites us right in the ass," I replied, mulling over how I got to be here, in this moment, with someone who turned out to be a great friend, and not dealing with the aftermath of my father's funeral.

Sure, that part had gone as I'd wanted, but nothing _else_ had. I'd been given an amazing power and had little-to-no control over how it impacted my life – kind of like the wolves, in a way.

Embry watched me with rapt attention, not interrupting, simply absorbing what I was saying, I had no idea if he was just being polite and I was boring his socks off, or if he was genuinely interested, but I had a feeling it was the latter. I just didn't know why.

"Or you end up biting someone else in the ass," he mused, smiling softly at the joke. The double entendre in his words wasn't lost on me – I'd have spent the latter part of my senior year making Jacob suffer if I stayed with Edward. Embry spent most days growing elongated canines and growling. Magic had ways of turning on everyone.

"It's the same with love," he said, not quite looking at me, and not quite alert to the moment. Whatever Embry was thinking of, it was private, and he wasn't yet willing to share.

I nodded, finding myself agreeing with him, and shamefully surprised by his insight.

"Love gives us strength and hope, courage where we would never have it before, but it can take it all away just as easily," I vented, trying not to sound too morose, but failing. "And when you combine the two – well, I think I'm a walking example of how love and the supernatural don't mix. Both chewed me up and spat me out; I'm not just an oblivious human anymore, but I'm not omnipotent either. I'm stuck, floating, and kinda lost. "

"You're only lost until someone gives you the proper directions, and you either end up back where you started, or somewhere new. Either way, it's not hopeless. You can either start over or take another chance."

He was looking at me then, and I honestly couldn't understand how I was just seeing this side of him now. Where was Embry when I was curled in the foetal position and struggling to eat? I could have used some of this wisdom then.

"It's a nice thought, and I'd really like to believe you, but I think I'm still a little burned from the last time I took a risk." _It was like a week ago, after all.._ "How'd you get to be so smart, Em?"

It wasn't the first time I'd said something like that, and he was thoughtful as he shrugged lightly.

"There's not a lot I know for sure, I just say what I see. Not going to be writing any self-help books soon, at least not until I get my own shit together." He smiled ruefully and rubbed at the back of his neck with his palm.

"You and me both – sometimes I feel like no matter what I do, someone gets hurt, even if it's me."

He sighed. "That's pretty pessimistic, Bella – just because you've made some mistakes doesn't mean you shouldn't ever stop trying. Believe me, if everyone felt that way, it would all be pretty hopeless. Just figure out where you want to be in the end, and the rest should fall into place."

It was on the tip of my tongue to argue with him. If that was the case, I would be with Jacob right now, and not patching up the seams of my heart with nothing but self-determination. I'd chosen my path already – given up all I knew only to have it curve severely to the left. At least I had a living, breathing father and some new friends to show for it. But I didn't say anything, just offering a half-hearted smile.

His next words aimed for a backtrack on the topic. "Besides, as much as I'd like to wallow in your negativity, I don't think I have a balanced view of the positives of magic – I've seen too much of the life-ruining side."

"Makes two of us," I sniffed. "It's like everything is enhanced, amazing, elevating – and then when it goes wrong, it's worse than it could possibly have ever been."

"I think Leah would agree with you there," Embry muttered, taking another meaning from my words.

It was only when he'd said it that I realised I could add imprinting to the list of supernatural things that were not Bella-friendly. I snorted softly in agreement as I spied the woman in question, sauntering out of the club and steering an innocent-looking, love-struck guy off in the direction of the waiting taxi cabs, eyes dazed and drunk on infatuation. She waved delicately after him, giving a heartbreaking smile when he turned to take her in one last time. I smiled at her when she spotted us, pleased that she'd completed her mission, dismissing her night's entertainment in a way only Leah could get away with.

"Yeah, she would," I nodded, watching her approach. I turned to look up at him, craning my neck to his height as I gave a soft smile.

"But you know what? Even after so much has gone wrong for the both of us, I think we're going to be okay."

* * *

Paul was standing in the morning sunlight, arms-folded and a look of annoyance on his face.

"Sorry to disturb your slumber, Princess. How was last night?"

I sighed wearily – what he meant was _'What did Leah get up to last night', _but he was going the roundabout way of saying it. It was much too early, and I was running on far too little sleep to give him the answers he wanted. I obliquely registered that it was_ Paul _I was dealing with, and one wrongly-worded sentence could end up in the tantrum of a century.

"Alright, if we're going to do this, I need coffee. Have you eaten yet?" I croaked, my eyes still mostly held together with sleep. He shook his head 'no' curiously, and I nodded. "Fine. Charlie should be at the station already, so give me ten minutes and meet me at the back door." I hoped placating him with food would give me enough leverage to keep the wolf in the cage.

I dragged my hair up into a messy top-knot, washing my face and pulling on the comfiest sweats I could find. Paul was annoyingly alert when I let him in, eyeing the bacon on the grill hungrily. I wasn't sure how to explain the absence of a full pack and most of a loaf of bread on my own, in a day.

I cradled a mug of black coffee as I watched him devour it all unapologetically, my mind slowly catching up with the rest of my body.

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "So? What went down at the club last night?" he reiterated, and I pressed my lips together, wondering how much to divulge.

"What does one usually do at a club? A little dancing, people-watching, some drinks..."

Paul snorted. "That's not what _I_ usually do at a club. Did you get lucky, Princess?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, in fact I got rid of my one-night-stand just before you got here. He was sweet, but we can't have him getting the wrong idea, can we?"

"Funny, 'cause the only person I saw leaving was Embry, and I'm pretty sure he spent the last few hours huddled in the woods."

That surprised me – Leah had dropped me off on the way home, and he was still in the car – he'd gotten a ride to Port Angeles with Kim, and had planned to run back. I hadn't even considered that anyone had stuck around to patrol my house, but it made sense.

"Fine, you got me. No, I did not get 'lucky', I wasn't there for that."

"And Leah?" he asked tentatively, reaching for his own mug and attempting nonchalance.

I chewed on my lip for a second. "There was a guy, but it wasn't anything serious, I don't think," I revealed, and his jaw clenched minutely.

"She bang him?"

My head jerked back in surprise. "Wow, for someone who's got it pretty bad for her, your opinion doesn't stretch too high," I said in reprimand. His lips twitched, threatening a grin.

"See, that's the difference between you and me, Snow White – you put sex on a pedestal, make it out to be the be-all-and-end-all of everything. It's just sex, and the sooner you realise that, the less you're gonna get hurt," he informed, before resting his broad arms on the table before him. "Leah's just like me, and if she wants sex, she gets it – it's nothing to be ashamed of, going after what you want – even if you don't think it's the best thing for you."

"Then how come you're asking if she slept with that guy? I mean, if sex is so inconsequential to you, why does it matter?"

"Because even though I can respect her right to fuck whoever she wants, _when_ever she wants, I'm still not going to be satisfied until it's me."

I was almost shocked by the honesty in his words – Paul had never been straight about his feelings for Leah, and I knew this was as close to a declaration of love as he could get.

"There was a guy, they made out, we went home – that's it."

The muscles in his jaw flickered before he smirked. "Alright then."

"Seriously? You're not jealous?" There was a pregnant pause after that, before he shook his head.

"It's not like she's getting engaged. Did you talk to her?"

"About the night you and she- Uh, yeah, I did."

"And?"

"She wasn't giving much away, and she was pretty suspicious that I was asking, but she didn't seem to be as disgusted by the memory as she pretends." I got up from the table to top up the rapidly-cooling coffee.

"I don't know exactly what happened that night, Paul, but I think she got to see a side of you that not many get to. I think you told her some things that helped – but now, she can't connect that to how you act these days. You come across like such a tough-guy all the time that it's like she imagined the whole thing. You're your own worst enemy, sometimes."

"So you're saying I should become Mr. Sensitive?" he asked disbelievingly. "Not sure who you've been talking to, Princess, but I can't see Leah going for that."

"I didn't mean go through a personality change – far from it. All I know is, Leah got a glimpse of something more that night, and for whatever reason, she let it in. That's not an easy thing for her to do. I'm not sure she even _would _do it again – and who could blame her?"

He was thoughtful as he sipped on his coffee. "I guess you're on to something with the own-worst-enemy crap. But you're a complete hypocrite, Swan, and you don't even know it."

I glared irritatedly at him. "Excuse me?"

"It's true – you make the worst possible decisions when it comes to dudes. You dated a leech, and then you hook up with a guy you know was probably going to imprint and leave your ass some day, but you stayed. What gives? Are you a masochist?"

I stared dumbly at him, knowing I had a defensive argument stored somewhere, but it was lost. He was looking at me interestedly, as if his questions were purely to satisfy his own curiosity, and to prove himself right.

"I mean, you can blame Jake, sure, he was so adamant that he'd never drink the Kool-Aid that he almost had _me _convinced – but there had to be some part of you that knew, right?"

I realised that he was correct – I'd cursed Jake, to his face, for making me believe him - but the truth was, I'd ignored that voice in the back of my head telling me to stop, think about it, and protect myself. I'd ignored my own common sense, just like with Edward.

"Alright, I can give you that one, but where does that leave you and Leah?" His overconfident grin fell slightly, and his lips went thin with frustrated contemplation.

"Why do you think I'm enlisting _your _help, Princess? I gotta find some loophole, something I can work with – it _will _happen."

"How can you be sure? I mean, what if it doesn't? Won't it mess everything up, once and for all?"

"You need to listen to what I say more carefully, Swan," he said, trademark sneer dancing on his lips as he fought a smile. "Going after what you want is nothing to be ashamed of – even if everything's screaming that it's not the best thing for you."

* * *

**A/N: Well, this chapter was a doozie. There's a lot for Bella to think about, and hopefully remember later on when the time comes. I'd like to thank my temporary Beta, Ruth, for helping me get there. No more headaches for me! Next chapter will hopefully be a little lighter on the Deep-and-Meaningful-Conversations (DMCs). **

**Let me know what you thought about this one. :)**


	20. MuffinLicking

****_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**Suggested Listening: Do What You Do by Noah And The Whale**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty: Muffin-Licking**

I'd almost forgotten about the bake sale until Angela's text on Saturday afternoon, telling me how excited she was for it and to have another helping of my infamous peanut butter cookies. It was the only thing distracting enough to take away the replay of Paul's 'advice', and the flashbacks of last night which made it impossible to go back to sleep. Needless to say, a hasty supply run was made in which I prayed that it wouldn't be a repeat of every other time I'd decided to go to a store in Forks lately, and Melanie had had the same idea. I just couldn't be sure I wouldn't end up stalking her and needing some kind of intervention. I really hated it inside my head sometimes.

In fact, despite Angela's excitement, I really wasn't looking forward to the bake sale either. It felt strange to realise it, but I found myself wondering what Leah and Embry were up to – I would have preferred spending the day in their company, than around the small-minded people of Forks, and the infamous rumour mill. I wasn't even sure if Jess and Mike would be there, but it was another thing adding to my dread. Even though I'd been shown that I could be perfectly fine as _Bella Swan, Single Gal_, I still didn't welcome any opportunity for that self doubt I'd kicked into the back of my mental closet and covered with junk to come crawling back out. I could already feel it scratching at the door.

This was why, although I'd never admit it aloud, I _envied_ Paul – how could he be so sure of himself all the time, when it took all the guts I had to just keep leaving the house and hope I didn't find another way to have my heart crushed, or make an ass of myself, further tainting my reputation. I'm surprised that no-one had accused me of being a damn alcoholic, what with the falling over and poor life choices. Paul just seemed to have it all figured out – he was going for this, for Leah, body and soul - but the one thing I couldn't account for, was how he'd take it if the whole thing backfired. Leah wasn't exactly predictable. I just wished I had his strength of faith.

Then there was Embry's take on the whole healed-heart scenario. He too, seemed to be of the opinion that these things are never sure, and it's only a true defeat if we stop trying. They didn't know how life had _really _come and kicked me in the ass, though. Should I actually be considering their ideas when they thought the whole reason for my fear was just because of Jacob? I honestly didn't know.

So I did what I always did, any time I was having a philosophical crisis – I baked. Any recipe I could possibly think of, and a few new ones I'd found online were whipped up in the kitchen. I hoped that by measuring out the adequate amount of flour for the first batch of cupcakes I'd forget the fear I felt on Paul's behalf for putting all his efforts into being with someone he couldn't even be sure _wanted _him. Maybe he saw something I didn't.

I hoped that by whisking the eggs thoroughly enough that I'd stop being surprised by how quietly-assured Embry sounded when he talked about love and healing and resilience. It was possible that Embry knew more about it than I suspected – he was still a mystery to me, after all.

I willed it to be possible that by using five different colours of frosting, I'd forget about how utterly and completely alone I felt, because not a single person on this Earth knew the things that I did.

It took four trips out to the truck the next morning to put all my spoils in the cab. Charlie watched them go with a sense of longing, as he all but pawed the rain-soaked window, watching me leave. We really needed to have a talk about his sweet tooth. I'd saved him from one fate, and there was no way I was watching him meet another at the hands of middle-age spread and chest pains.

"Bella! Sweetie!"

Dana Weber was all about hugs and terms of endearment. If it was anyone else's mother, I'd cringe at the falseness of it all, but behind her intelligent eyes and warm, genuine smiles, I knew where Angela had inherited the traits I admired in her so much. Instantly, I began to actually feel good about what I was doing.

"Hey, Dana... this is just the start of what I've brought, the rest is in the truck, but it might take me a few trips to get it all in here," I said distractedly, trying to scope out a space in the large church hall which could actually contain everything I'd baked. It only took a cursory glance to know that I'd kind of overstepped the brief on this one. Maybe having a life-crisis while handling cookie-dough wasn't the best idea.

"Wow, Bella, you really went to town on this! We can't thank you enough, really. Sounds like you baked enough for a pack of ravenous wolves!" she replied, taking the three Tupperware containers off my hands.

_Or there was _that_. Autopilot went to default setting. Baking for Werewolves. I should write a damn cookbook._

I laughed nervously. "Yeah, something like that."

"Well, why don't we get you some help? Angela was talking to some nice boys just a second ago, they looked like lifting a few boxes wouldn't hurt 'em too much, if you know what I mean..." she said conspiratorially. "I think they were over by Mrs Fenkel's Key Lime Pie."

I followed her gesture and couldn't stop the elated smile that split my face. I should have known.

"Quil?" I laughed, approaching the large, hulking figure licking a plastic fork clean. "What the hell are you doing here?"

He raised an eyebrow as he sucked the fork into his mouth and released it with a pop.

"Are you kidding me? Leah said you were going to a bake sale! Have you _met _me?" he studied the fork and the paper plate he was holding for crumbs, before frowning and holding it back out to a shocked-looking Mrs Fenkel. Clearly she'd never seen a werewolf eat pie before. "And the smell... Man, it's like they just slapped a sign above the door saying 'Yo, Quil, come lick our muffins and finger our frosting.'" He raised an eyebrow mischievously and I pressed my lips together, hoping like hell our audience had bad hearing.

From the look she gave him as she handed him his second slice of pie, I guessed not. He returned her glare with a beaming smile before digging right back in again with the too-small fork, not a care in the world. There was a second of awkward silence before he looked admonished, his gaze glancing back to the rotund, elderly member of the church committee who placed a disapproving hand on her hip. He swallowed thickly. "Oh, and I love Jesus. He's my homeboy."

He turned to me wide-eyed and walked swiftly away from the stand, the Key Lime Pie still being stabbed savagely with the plastic fork. I giggled softly over my shoulder, watching Mrs Fenkel shake her head and mutter inaudibly to herself.

"Jesus is your homeboy?" I asked when we got out of earshot. He was already finished the pie and scrunching up the paper plate to throw in the trash.

"What, you wanted me to say I'm your guard-dog for the day so the crazy bitch trying to kill you doesn't get through the defensive line?" He shook his head exasperatedly. "Jeez, Bella, you're kinda dense sometimes."

I nodded, feigning beration. "Of course, how could I be so stupid?" I smirked. "So who else is here?" I asked, surprised at the flutter of anticipation forming in my stomach and throwing a fruitless glance around the hall.

Quil stopped in front of a large pecan pie and a slightly smaller gateaux, thoroughly distracted as he tried to decide between one or the other. "Who do you think? It's not like Peter Parker ever missed out on a chance to see Mary Jane..." he said, crouching down to compare each treat on diameter, girth, and level of frosting.

"What?" I asked, frowning confusedly.

"What?" he countered disingenuously, head whipping round to face me as his lips gaped for air. "Oh, I just mean... Don't listen to _me_ Bella, how can I think straight with some much cake? Embry's here, he went to get soda with your friend."

I stared at him for a few beats longer before giving up. Even if Quil _was_ hinting at something, I knew better than to listen to him – he'd once tried to convince me that he had a sex-tape, and that Kim Kardashian stole his idea. The guy was a compulsive liar.

"Friend? You mean Angela?"

He nodded, pointing to the pecan pie and holding up two fingers to the seller. "Yeah, the cute, shy one. She single yet?" he asked curiously.

"No, she's pretty loved-up, I'm afraid."

"Is he an asshole? I feel like every guy who goes to your school is an asshole," he said, picking up this double-helping of pie with more reverence than he would a newborn child. I shook my head, trying not to laugh. He was at least fifty percent right.

"No, he's a sweet guy, so don't even think about trying to put the moves on her, okay?" I said warningly. I didn't actually think Angela could be swayed away from Ben, but that didn't mean I wanted any discomfort between one set of friends and the other.

"What? I'm allowed to ask questions, it's part of my inquisitive nature." His expression was a picture of innocence, but I didn't buy it for a second. "Plus, I kinda thought I'd see more talent around here, but I forgot only old fat chicks attend bake sales. The hot young ones do the baking, and then leave so they don't overdose on cupcakes and then feel guilty about it."

He grimaced petulantly and took a large bite of pie, not even bothering with the fork this time. I blew out a breath, wondering how anyone could listen to his musings all the time. Quil was hard work.

"You know you're supposed to pay for all this stuff, right?"

He nodded as he gulped down most of the plate's contents. "Just handed over thirty bucks at the door, straight off the bat. Let's not waste precious sampling time with mere monetary transactions, huh?"

I threw up my hands helplessly. "Of course," I said, half-laughing. "Of _course _you did that."

"I'm nothing if not honest, Bella," he shrugged, before scanning the room. "Hey, where's your haul? I don't smell peanut butter."

"Oh, crap, that's actually why I came to get you. Most of my stuff's outside. Think you can help me carry it in?"

"Do squirrels fuck in the woods?" he asked.

I furrowed a brow. "I don't think they really have a preference," I retorted, moving to step in front of him and lead him towards the exit, but he froze.

"Well shit, did Bella Swan just refer to sex without so much as a blush? Jeez, maybe Leah isn't such a bad influence after all."

"Actually, it's probably Paul's doing more than Leah's. That guy's like a walking HBO original series."

He snorted. "That's what _he_ thinks. The legendary player's been on the bench a lot lately." He fell into step beside me, pausing at the door to hold it open, allowing me through.

I pushed down the knowing smile "Maybe he's finally been tamed."

"Or he lost his game," he muttered, following me. He really had no idea. "Oh and Bella, FYI, squirrels_ do _fuck in the woods. Seth and I saw two going at it, Reverse Cowgirl, behind my house last week."

I closed my eyes, covering my mouth and willing the giggle away– laughing would only encourage him to keep talking like this around church people. I didn't know where he'd learned a term like that, but was willing to bet it was in the murky depths of the Pack mind;They all seemed to be that little bit more worldly since sharing headspace.

"Quil?" I said. "Please, do the world a favour and get high-speed internet, like a normal perv."

He shrugged, clearly not insulted. "Fine, if you want to get all cliché about it."

"Cliche about what?" came a familiar voice from behind me. I turned as Embry strode towards the main hall carrying a crate of soda, and a teddy bear with a strange brown hood on its head sitting forlornly on top of it. The smile that spread across my face upon seeing him was completely contented, and something hit me.

What had I been so depressed about? Damnit, I did have good friends, still. Lots of them. It was ridiculous to feel so lonely and isolated, when any one of them would be willing to listen if I needed it. It was just nice to know the option was there, though I'd never act on it.

"Porn," Quil supplied matter-of-factly.

"Porn..." Embry replied, eyeing me around the bear's head disbelievingly. "Right."

"Seriously," his best friend pressed. "Bella was giving me advice about where I should be getting my jollies. Pretty insightful, actually."

"Never knew you were such a connoisseur, Bella," he jibed coyly, rearranging the soda effortlessly in his grasp so the bear's nose flopped onto his shoulder, and this time, I did blush. I did not want someone like Embry associating me with porn.

"It was a passing comment!" I defended shrilly, feeling the tell-tale heat extend to my collarbone and chest.

"She likes the girl-on-girl stuff," Quil called in a stage whisper, as I flailed fruitlessly to shut him up. Embry pressed his mouth closed politely, but even I could see the beginnings of a laugh taunt his throat. "But only the white ones."

Quil then pointed at me, stabbing the air by my head and mouthing the word _'racist'._

Of course, that would be the moment three more elderly church-goers chose to filter through the porch into the main hall. I buried my head in my hands until they left and hoping they didn't get a good look at me. Embry cleared his throat in an exaggerated way, so I looked back, only to see him bury the bear's nose in his shoulder with his free hand, and cover the ears.

"Wicket is much too pure of heart to hear this kinda stuff," he said in mock disapproval. "You guys are disgusting."

"Where the hell did you get the bear?" I laughed, watching as he turned its head slowly to face me like a puppet. Embry looked outraged.

"They're having a rummage sale in the yard out back, so I snagged it from this kid selling his toys for a dollar." He frowned then, as if realising what exactly it was I'd asked. "Also, it's not a _bear, _Bella, it's an Ewok," he scolded, and I my lips turned down in admonishment as I held up a palm. "From Return of the Jedi?"

"Oh!" I said, suddenly clarified, "The Star Wars bears?"

He gaped at me incredulously and looked at Quil. "Is she fucking with me?" He turned his wide-eyed stare back on me. "Bella, they're _Ewoks_, native to the forest moon of Endor? Responsible for helping the Rebel Alliance take down the second Death Star? Definitely not _bears, _which makes it totally okay for me to own one."

"... I know the little green guy's called Yoda?" I said sheepishly, but the chuckle from Quil and the pitying look Embry gave me said it all.

"Bella, have you even _seen_ Star Wars?"

"A whole movie, start to finish? Um, no, I haven't."

Embry shook his head mournfully, "My poor, deprived Bella. What have you been doing with your life?"

I laughed and started towards the outer door again. "Learning useful skills, like baking," I called over my shoulder. "Which reminds me, I've got eight plastic boxes in my truck which aren't gonna walk in here themselves!"

"You're not getting out of this, Swan," Embry called after me. "Tomorrow, we're coming over to your house, and you're sitting through the entire original trilogy."

"Oh Gee, I can hardly wait," I deadpanned, before pushing the door open in front of me.

* * *

"You know, I'm saying it right now. Totally on-the-record: No matter what the chick I end up with looks like, she has to be able to cook. And bake." Quil held the _Ziploc _bag above his head and shook the remaining crumbs into his gaping maw. "Man, I am going to be one fat old dude."

It was four hours later, and he was sitting haphazardly in the passenger seat of my truck with his legs resting on the pavement. I'd offloaded everything I'd brought to a pretty decent crowd, and along with Embry and I who were sitting on the truck's bed, we were enjoying the last few treats I'd stashed before they were snapped up but the ravenous masses.

The presence of several freshmen – and female representatives from every other class group in Forks High at the fund-raiser was an indication that maybe it was the potential eye-candy, and not the _actual_ candy, which was the biggest draw. Quil and Embry had camped out by my stand the entire afternoon, russet giants in a sea of short, scrawny townsfolk. Quil was revelling in the attention, but Embry was oblivious, doing his best to be my little helper-elf, in between giving a long and convoluted history of the Rebel Alliance and quoting Han Solo when he wasn't making lightsaber noises.

It was getting easier and easier to believe his comments about being a skinny little geek who got beat on all the time before he phased. I'd only known him for a few weeks when that happened - but if anything, it was endearing as hell.

"At least you've acknowledged that your current buffness isn't just the result of sheer testosterone," Embry shot back, without looking up from his own cupcake. "Once you stop phasing, it's going to be like-" he snapped his fingers- "Two seats on the airplane and male-pattern-baldness for you."

A balled-up wad of plastic bounced off Embry's head in response, and we both looked to where Quil was aiming his pointer-finger right at him. "I'll still be a stud. Make no mistake, nerd."

Embry focused his attention back to my last remaining cupcake and raised a brow. "Alright, man, whatever you say." He dipped a finger in the red, strawberry frosting, tracing lettering over the top before sucking it into his mouth and releasing it with a pop. I watched him with rapt interest. It was clear he was savouring it.

"You gonna eat that or buy it a new dress?" Quil asked, voicing my own thoughts. Embry's concentration was broken and he looked up guiltily, first at my curious scrutiny and then to Quil.

"It's Bella's last cupcake, I'm not gonna _inhale _it. Who knows when I'll get another one?" he said plainly, moving to gather another taste of frosting.

"It's not that big a deal, Em, I can make more," I said in confusion. It seemed like an awful lot of thought put into a cupcake. Quil sighed exaggeratedly from the cab door.

"He's been like this since we were kids, Bella. Every time my Grandpa gave us a dollar for candy, Em would buy like, _one_ tiny thing, then save the rest and show up a month later with a buttload of cash. It annoyed the crap out of all of us."

"It's called patience, dude. Everything's better when you have to work for it or wait for it," he replied, and his eyes fell on me with a cocky smile. I could tell already that this was one of Quil's pet-peeves, and Embry enjoyed rubbing it in his face. This playful side of them was the one I'd gotten to know first, and getting glimpses of it every now and then brought back the comfort of knowing that after everything had happened, I was still friends with these guys.

Quil scoffed. "You're such an old man. Whatever happened to _carpe diem_?"

"It's just a personal preference, we can't all run around like excited pups all the time." He broke off a piece of the cupcake and it disappeared between his lips slowly, as they quirked in another sure smile.

"Whatever, I just don't waste time getting to the point, so sue me?" The topic of conversation brought up a point I'd been curious to discuss, but wasn't sure how to approach.

"But what if you _had _to, Quil?" I said without preamble. They both looked to me curiously, no doubt grabbed by the urgency in my voice. "Wait, I mean?"

Quil gave a half-shrug, "I have patience. I always keep one present to open on Christmas morning – now _that's _self-control. Last year it was an ipod." His eyes widened with awe – for himself – and I smiled.

Embry scoffed. "You're such a liar. You had that thing synced with crappy hair-metal and re-wrapped while your mom was at work."

Quil gave him a look of betrayal, clearly forgetting that they had few secrets from each other anymore.

"That's not exactly what I meant..." I laughed, shaking my head. Embry frowned at me and shifted in his position on the truck.

"What did you mean, then?" his gaze was curious, and I was aware that I was suddenly veering off into _crazy question_ territory.

"Just, like-" I sighed, folding up my own cupcake case."You guys are meant to have imprints, right? Soulmates." I didn't miss the uncomfortable look which passed between them, and I knew they were convinced this was something to do with Jacob and Melanie.

"Not all of us," Embry interjected. "I mean, yeah, some of us do, but it's meant to be rare. I mean, only three out of a Pack of ten."

"That's less than a third, hardly common," Quil weighed in.

"I know that," I nodded, "but my point is, who's to say that your soulmate is the same age as you are?"

"You mean like a cougar?" Quil asked, raising a mischievous brow. "That could be pretty hot."

"Yeah, like that," I smiled, "But it could go the other way. What if your soulmate was a kid?"

A genuine balk of disgust was heard from the both of them before I clarified. "Wait a second – I was told that you'll be whatever your imprint needs, so theoretically, couldn't a little kid need a big brother to take care of them? In a completely fraternal way. _No_ weird stuff."

They seemed to mull this over before Embry piped up. "I guess that _could_ happen, but I don't see why – it's meant to be about genetics and creating stronger wolves. Are you saying that the wolf would have to wait around for this kid to grow up, and then suddenly they're lovers?" Now they both looked green.

"That's the most fucked-up thing I've ever heard, Bella, and that's coming from _me..._" Quil groaned.

"So you'd never want something like that to happen? Even if you loved this kid more than anything in the whole world, and never had anything but sweet, innocent thoughts until they grew up?" I asked him.

"Fuck no," he said adamantly.

"What if it taught you patience?"

"It's not like that's a life-or-death virtue, Bella," Embry supplied, and I nodded, agreeing. Quil was fully immersed in the 'theory'.

"Maybe I would be all patient and shit, but come on, what am I supposed to do for like, ten years – and that's just if she's, like, an eight-year-old?" He shook his head with a frown. "So I'd be like, mentally castrated, obsessed with this kid's well-being, and I can't even look at another girl because I don't see them anymore. And worst of all, I'd be _happy _about it?"

I nodded, surprised at how close to the truth he was getting.

"That sounds like a complete and total nightmare," he said, and Embry made a noise of agreement.

"So you guys are pretty against the idea?" I asked. Only Jacob had ever come out and openly expressed his discomfort with the Quil and Claire situation. Quil, obviously, hadn't been opposed to it at all.

"I was anyway – _before_ you started all the weird kiddie questions," Quil said. "Like, maybe back when I found out about Jared's, I didn't think it could be too bad, if it happened the right way... but since-" he didn't say it, but I knew whose imprint he was referring to. "- the _last _one, I just don't see the appeal, not when it changes your fundamental opinions about stuff."

I nodded. "Jake always was pretty against the idea," I mused aloud, and the look of discomfort between them was back. "it's kinda like brainwashing, huh?"

"Try being inside one of their heads," Embry grumbled. "It's ridiculous. And they go from being a certain way one day, to completely different the next. It's pretty frightening."

"And that's when they're not even around each other," Quil supplied, "it's like some stupid love-spell that everyone just accepts because it's 'mystical' and 'destined'."

I smiled thoughtfully, satisfied with their answers, and with renewed confidence that my actions had done something positive for Quil, even if he'd never know.

"Okay, guys. If either of you ever imprints, I'll remind you of this conversation," I teased.

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that," Quil said, and Embry held back a shudder.

* * *

Leah was waiting for me when I got back home, and she was _pissed._

"What the fuck have you been saying to Paul?" she fumed, and I decided that maybe it was best to have this conversation away from curious ears, and where I could at least put a door between us if I needed to. Leah was about as far from docile as you could get on her best days. Right now, she was just frightening.

I held the front door open and ushered her inside. Playing innocent probably wasn't going to work in this situation, and I was going to murder Paul for landing me in it. "Don't get mad..." I pleaded, moving to get out two mugs. Maybe chamomile tea would help reign in her temper.

"Oh, I'm way past mad, Swan," she said, taking a seat at the table. "The guy's been all over me today, asking if I wanted to _talk_ and complimenting me about shit. It's weird." Her eyes shot to mine again. "Did you tell him I was lonely or something? He's being so fucking strange, and he refuses to think about you when he's phased."

I sighed, setting her mug down in front of her. "Paul asked me about you, and I told him I'd try to feel out what you thought about him, that's all."

She took a sip of the tea, thoughtfully, clearly not expecting my answer. "Why?"

"Why do you think?" I said, wondering how someone as confident and brazen as Leah could be so clueless.

She shook her head. "No, the dude doesn't have feelings for me. He's confusing good sex with emotions."

I held out my hands helplessly. "Doesn't seem that way to me. Leah, you're all he seems to think about. Seriously." I frowned at her. "Are you telling me you really had no idea, not even with the whole Pack-mind thing?"

She looked off thoughtfully before speaking. "We pretty much ignore him – it's never a good time listening to his thoughts, so why would I want to pay attention while he replays the last one-night-stand he had?"

Something bitter in her voice was intriguing. "Maybe there's another reason you don't want to re-live that stuff with him?" I took another sip of my tea and smirked.

"Oh, aren't we the cocky little shit today?" she said, fighting a smile. "So I don't like seeing him fuck other people. It's a wolf thing, it's not like I can help it..."

I sat back on my chair triumphantly. "So, you're saying seeing him with other girls makes you jealous?"

"I'm not jealous," she snapped, much too eagarly but without anger. "Stop trying to psychoanalyse, Swan. That's my job."

"But you are jealous..." I prodded, studying her reaction.

"I'm not exactly doing a victory dance when he hooks up with someone. Sue me. The guy's hot, and I'd be lying of I said he was forgettable," she sighed then under the weight of her confession. "I guess I just didn't let myself feel anything because I was sure it wouldn't be returned." She avoided my gaze as she studied the contents of her mug.

"Fuck you for making me talk like a fucking girl." Her face was irritated, but I knew under all the bravado was someone who, like me, had been bruised far too much to be excited about love in a conventional way.

"Just calling things as I see them," I shrugged. "Seems like you two have a lot in common."

"How so?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.

"Well, he couldn't seem to help asking if you were with someone at the club the other night, and he said he wasn't jealous, but he's not a very good liar."

She smiled curiously, clearly flattered. "He asked you about that?"

I nodded. "He was here at like nine-am yesterday to find out. Couldn't keep away."

She mulled this over for a few moments before shrugging. "Still think it's a sex thing," she said, but I wasn't convinced.

"Leah, if it was a sex thing, don't you think he'd just come out with it, or put the moves on you? He wants to get inside your head." I leaned forward again. "I think he has genuine feelings for you."

"You and your damn feelings," she huffed. "Alright, so what if I _was_ interested. Well, more like intrigued. How would I go about letting him know? Hypothetically, I mean." She looked decidedly uncomfortable revealing such vulnerability to me, and I smiled confidently.

"Well, I know one thing," I said, getting up to top-up my mug. "I'm not the one you should be talking to right now, and I think from the way my phone's been vibrating since you got here... he's pretty much climbing the walls."

She looked towards my bag where message-after-message was sounding off. He was the only person it could possibly have been.

"Okay, so I might – hypothetically – go see him," she said, draining the rest of her tea. "But be warned, Swan, if this blows up in my face I'm going to have to hypothetically kick your ass."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for your patience waiting for this update, guys! **

**Please let me know what you thought. :)**


	21. Embry Wan Callobi

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-One: Embry-Wan Callobi**

I couldn't remember when the dreams started again.

Most mornings when I woke up, I never quite felt rested. It accounted for why I'd been so irritable upon waking lately – much more than my usual self. I put it down to a change in routine, and the complete battering my sanity had taken since all of this _power_ stuff started. Hey, I was allowed to be exhausted, wasn't I? It wasn't such a huge crime that I snapped at Paul or grunted at Mike when we opened up the store together.

But then there was the rollercoaster of emotions. Some days, I felt powerful and resilient and like I could take whatever else life had to throw my way. Others, I was completely dejected and it was a little more difficult to actually get on with my day. I'd assumed it had a lot to do with losing Jacob, and living under constant threat, but even on my best days – like spending time with Leah or the previous day with the guys, I'd still get up the next morning with that same looming sadness. You know the phrase, 'getting up on the wrong side of the bed'? Well, I'd always attributed that to having a less than pleasant dream, maybe one that wasn't quite remembered, but the mood spilled over into waking life. I'd been feeling like that quite a lot.

This was the first time I actually remembered the dream.

I was standing in that field, the remnants of a great battle obscured only by a haze of acrid smoke and ash, and I was being torn down the middle by where I was and where I needed to be. It had all the appearance of a memory, but it was fundamentally changed. I could feel the silent presence of Edward at my back, hand on my shoulder as I struggled to fight my way to the figure on the ground, surrounded by warm bodies with a look of utter devastation on each of their faces. I looked to Leah, but her dark eyes avoided me, devoid of the familiar acceptance I'd come to take pride in. She wasn't my friend, here.

I begged and pleaded, and struggled through the crowd, fighting my way past their immovable structures until I came face to face with Embry. He wouldn't look me in the eye either.

"_Please, I need- I have to see him. This is all my fault!_"

He soundlessly deliberated, the grip on my shoulders relaxing just enough to dodge out of his grasp, around his stature and fall to my knees, tearfully, to the ground. I clenched closed my eyes, reaching out to touch, but my hand hovered in the air, afraid to make it – any of it – real and tangible.

"_I'm sorry, so sorry... please, I'm sorry..._"

It was a prayer, a declaration and a bargain all at once.

_I'll be better if you make it through this. I won't hurt you anymore. Please don't leave me._

It was only when I blinked through the tears, my vision finally clearing for the first time that I was jolted awake.

Because it wasn't my own father who was lying on the cold ground, body broken and out of shape, unconscious from the weight of his pain.

It was Jacob.

My pillow was saturated with tears by the time my phone vibrated with a message, some time around noon.

_Hey, It's Embry. I got your number from Leah, she said something about payback for meddling? Whatever that means. Um, I know you probably forgot about the Star Wars marathon anyway, but Quil can't make it, so... rain check?_

A swell of relief at the everyday innocence of it all washed over me, and I cradled the phone to my chest, smiling. Something about it seemed so rehearsed and planned out, but the endearing simplicity of it all was what made the grin stretch across my face. Things weren't so complicated in the waking world.

I wanted to push the dream out of my head, and to forget the overbearing guilt and sadness that took seat in my heart, its weight crushing my insides without apology. Here, I might not have Jacob, even as a friend, but at least I wasn't hurting him, and at least he wasn't clinging to life with a broken heart caused only by me. It didn't seem so complicated to find the reasons why fate had decided Melanie was the better choice. I'd only ever been a burden.

Was the dream real? No, but it could have been.

I needed distraction, and I re-read the message again, smiling at the prospect of spending the day with two of my favourite guys – until I actually gleaned the meaning from it. The smile fell straight off my face. I realised an entire day of nothing spanned before me,with Charlie spending the day wit some of his buddies in Forks - and that's when the panic and dread set in. I hadn't heard from Leah since she left my house on a mission, and part of me was too scared to get in touch in case it really had blown up in her face. I just couldn't imagine a world where she and Paul let their guards down easily. After all, although I knew how he felt about her, he'd never _actually_ come out and said it. Was it totally wrong of me to encourage him, or to send Leah off after him without more extensive recon?

I knew the actual reason for feeling like this – I needed to be around people, because if I wasn't, the feelings of guilt and misdirection and loneliness crept back in, and it wasn't something I wanted a whole day of. But what could I do?

_Don't tell me, he got a date with Megan Fox and had to bail?_

_Hah! He wishes. Nah, had to cover at the store for his mom, so he's probably spending the day eating candy and reading comic books. _

So Quil was tied up for the day, but wasn't this supposed to be about educating _me?_ And there wasn't any law against two platonic friends hanging out together.

Alright, so I was desperate, and I didn't want to tell him the real reason I needed the company; I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts.

_Hey, would it be totally crazy if you came over anyway? I've got nothing planned all day, and I'm kinda intrigued to see what all the fuss is about._

There was a long pause then, and suddenly my heart was hammering, like I'd just asked someone out on a date. I put the phone down and moved away from it, pacing the room in an effort to distract. Maybe the next time I looked at my phone, he would have replied.

I got as far as the door when the lip-chewing started, and I shook my head at the sight in my full-length mirror. This was _Embry. _I had no reason to be so nervous, and even if he said no, I could just find something else to do.

But _I wanted _to spend the day with him.

I realised, when Embry was around, I didn't feel so worthless and misguided anymore - I felt justified and legitimised. I felt like, even though I'd been through so much and even though a lot of it was through my own volition, I had a right to dwell on it, and make sense of it in my head – because I'm eighteen years old, and teenagers are _allowed_ to make mistakes and _allowed_ to wallow in them - or live in denial if they choose. With Embry around, I felt _normal_.

More than that, when I smiled, it wasn't to appease anyone, or to be a smart-ass. He _made_ me smile like I really meant it, because I _did_. Still, I couldn't help diving back on to the bed and sending a follow-up message, giving him the escape clause.

_But if you have no interest in spending the next few hours hanging out with some lame girl who's never even seen Star Wars, that's totally okay. :)_

I erased the smiley-face, but then typed it again. Wait, was it too 'I'm trying way too hard to sound nonchalant'? I erased it once more, but then I'm pretty sure I typed it one last time before hitting send and stuffing the phone under my pillow. Rolling on to my back, I blew a lock of hair out of my eyes, tapping my toes to an imaginary rhythm. I was behaving like a fifteen year old, for crying out loud.

This time, the phone vibrated instantly, and the pillow hit the opposite wall in my quest to retrieve the device.

_Give me a half hour._

One thing was for sure, a cursory glance in the mirror told me that I'd need a lot longer than half and hour to look like I hadn't spent the night tossing and turning in my sleep. He'd agreed to come over, though, and I didn't want to rock the boat. Maybe if I asked for more time, he'd realise he really was busy after all.

After a short reply, I was showered and dressed and towelling my hair when a hesitant knock came to the door. As I opened it, a smile spread over my face, and I held back a laugh - because Embry, quiet, enigmatic, cool-as-a-cucumber Embry, was _rapping._

"_My backpack's got jets, well I'm Boba the Fett! Well I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt to finance my 'Vette_... WIKKI WIKKI WIIK!"

He was doing some sort of elbow shuffle and rolling his fists as I pulled the door back to fully reveal him, staring at his feet as he danced. I bit down on my lip to keep from spluttering – it was a complete departure from the mysterious, contemplative demeanour I was used to, and it was adorable as hell. He was dressed in a t-shirt, jeans and a well-worn pair of skate shoes. His backpack, however, did _not _have jets.

"_Well I chill in deep space! A mask is over my fa-"_

It was only when he straightened up and raised his eyebrows, gaping silently at me before an elated smile spread across his face, that I saw his shirt. It was bright green, had an image of the character I recognised as Chewbacca on it, and the word "Wingman" emblazoned across his chest. I chuckled at the aptness of it. Embry certainly did play that role a lot.

"Hey, Em," I greeted lightly, stepping back to let him into the house. "Thanks for coming over."

He was still smiling at me when he remembered to answer, and he shrugged. "''S no problem, it's not like I was doing anything. Did you do something to your hair? It looks really nice." The whole thing came out in a single breath, and I frowned at him, touching the end of my hair as he took off the backpack and set it down on the floor.

"No, why do you ask?_"_

He studied me again and scratched the back of his head, causing his shirt to ride up slightly, exposing the lower part of his stomach and the faint line of hair disappearing into the waistband of his jeans. I had a feeling he'd bought it pre-phase, because it wasn't exactly the best fit for his height anymore.

His face twisted in contemplation as he looked at me. _"_Just looks different, is all._" _He crouched down and opened up his bag, rummaging around inside.

"Guess I haven't blow-dried the waves out yet? I don't know," I theorised, just as a loud rumble of hunger was heard from his stomach and I laughed. " And I'm guessing you haven't eaten yet either?"

He looked sheepish as his hands disappeared into his pockets. "I was kind of in a hurry to get here," he admitted, his tone going up at the end, like it was a question, and he grimaced like a kid in trouble.

"Wow, you must really like Star Wars," I laughed, just as he pulled out a pristine box-set of the three movies, followed by seperate versions of each one, too, holding them up for comparison. He looked up when I spoke, and I turned to move into the kitchen. His reply was unintelligible as I opened the fridge.

"What was that?" I called to him as he followed me, and he just smirked.

"Nothing," he said.

"Alright," I countered, eyeing him before my attention fell back on the shelving. "Why don't I put some food on, and then we can get started on Episode One, or whatever."

Embry gave an exaggerated sigh, and laced his hands on top of his head, shaking It wearily.

"Okay, so we're _not _starting with Episode One..." I surmised, and he nodded, raising an eyebrow encouragingly. "Because...?" I realised I actually didn't know why we wouldn't begin a story at the start – he sighed and dropped his hands before answering.

"Because we're watching the original trilogy in order of release, and the first movie is actually Episode Four. The second trilogy were prequels." He made it sound like the most obvious thing in the world, which I guess to him, it was.

"How silly of me," I deadpanned, crinkling my nose. "You sure I wouldn't be better watching one of those synopsis videos online?"

His mouth gaped slightly in response, and he fought a smile. "Oh, we're _doing_ this. You're not going to convince me otherwise, Bella. I have no idea how you got to be eighteen and have never seen Star Wars. You're gonna watch it and you're gonna _like_ it."

"Yes, Sir," I saluted back sarcastically, muttering 'bossy' under my breath. He gave me a tight smile in reply. He'd heard me perfectly – stupid werewolves.

Just over two hours later, he twisted on the couch expectantly, hitting the eject button on the remote. "Well?"

"I suddenly 'get' about a thousand different parodies and references that went over my head before," I breathed, running my hands through my hair to twist it into a messed-up bun, and he laughed.

"Yeah, it kinda sucks that you're not going into this completely clueless," he mused, "But it's not completely ruined, right? I mean, you still enjoyed it?"

I realised that for some reason, it was very important to him that I actually enjoyed the film – and truthfully, I really did. Because the version he'd shown me was remastered, everything looked new and sleek. It helped that the plot was so far removed from reality that it hadn't dated much in the thirty-some years since release.

"Once _someone_ stopped explaining in detail who every person on screen was, and went from quoting the script aloud to just mouthing the words? Yeah, _then_ I enjoyed it."

He gave a shy smile. "Sorry, Quil's pretty much used to it by now. I just wanted to be sure you got it all.."

"Didn't you say you were seven when you first watched this?" I asked, folding my arms and leaning back into the padding of the couch. He nodded. "So, don't you think that, if you at _seven_ managed to follow it, I should be able to?"

Now he really did look admonished. " No shit..."

"It's okay," I laughed, giving his shoulder a light shove with mine. "It's the same deal with me watching Pride and Prejudice. You're forgiven."

His one-sided smile made a brief appearance before he leaned over the arm of the couch to retrieve another box. "So, on to Empire Strikes Back?" he said hopefully, but I gave a guilty look towards the kitchen.

"I really should clean up breakfast... I didn't get a chance to before you yanked me on to the couch. You know it's not fair using werewolf strength against the puny humans, right?"

He grimaced sheepishly and shrugged. "I hadn't watched this in like six months, I get kind of into it, okay?"

"No need to feel bad," I soothed, chuckling. "But you _could_ make it up to me by helping me clean up..."

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously as we both got up. "Help me Embry-wan Callobi, you're my only hope!" I wailed, giving him my best pleading look, and his tongue appeared between his teeth as he fought off laughter.

"Okay, _really_ no fair using Star Wars references to get what you want."

"Just _using the force_," I shrugged, giving him a sly smile over my shoulder as I made my way back into the kitchen.

"A smart-ass, you are," he muttered in a Yoda-voice, shaking his head. He still followed me, though.

Due to the bottomless-pit nature that went hand-in-hand with who – or what – he was, I found myself cradling a family-sized bowl of popcorn throughout the first hour of _The Empire Strikes Back._ Embry was engrossed once again, and if I was being honest, half the pleasure of doing this was watching him. I knew when an important plot point was approaching because he would lean forward on the couch, bracing himself for the scene. If a humorous line was on the way, he'd begin smiling before it was even uttered. I'd never seen him so free, so without composure as when he was lost to the events of a galaxy far, far away. I guess we all needed an escape from real life, no matter who we were.

He caught me staring on one such time, just as Han Solo said goodbye to Leia with a spontaneous, passionate kiss.

"What?" he asked, his eyes darting away from the screen to give me a sidelong glance.

I shook my head. "Nothing, it's just- It's really nice to see you like this, Em," I smiled.

"Like what? Devastated because they're about to encase Han Solo in carbonite?" he shifted uncomfortably on the couch, frowning at the screen, as if somehow the outcome would change this time. He was oozing nervous energy, too - clearly not quite used to being so candid.

"No, like you don't have a care in the world. It feels like forever since you've been this way. I guess I missed it."

He turned to look at me fully, a soft smile gracing the corners of his mouth as he raised an eyebrow. "Thanks?"

I suddenly felt bashful – maybe the reason we didn't normally talk like this was because we both had too close a relationship with the blush response. "Um, you're welcome. "

He cleared his throat. "Aw, crap – we talked over it. Bad times, Bella," he said lightly, changing the subject as he moved to click the rewind button on the remote. He settled back into the couch, focusing on the screen again, but I didn't miss the smile adorning his face, as he shot me one more covert look.

It was only when I decided to retrieve the final instalment from his backpack when he went to get us drinks, that I made a revealing discovery. Groping around for the last case, I pulled out something entirely different – a spiral note book, covered in messy scrawls and doodles, some of them pretty impressive, and general keywords with boxes drawn around them. Printouts and photos were peeking out from the pages, dog-eared and well-worn from repeated touches. At first glance, it looked like something from school he'd forgotten was in there, but none of it was anything I was familiar with from the high school curriculum.

"Well fuck, that's just embarrassing," he said, entering the room again and breaking my concentration. I felt instantly guilty and looked at him apologetically.

"I'm sorry, I pulled it out by accident. Not snooping, I swear..." I said, holding up the book and my other hand submissively.

"It's fine," he said, not meeting my gaze. "I forgot it was in there." He set the drinks down on the coffee table and took his seat beside me, accepting the crumpled pad back and reading over the exposed pages, obviously checking what it was that I'd seen. I knew I shouldn't pry, but curiosity got the better of me, and I had to ask.

"What is it?"

He pressed his lips together and closed the book properly, shaking his head. "It's stupid, forget you saw it, okay?"

"It didn't look stupid..." I said, wondering how far I could get with this until he completely shut me down. "Come on, you're just making me more curious by being all secretive about it." I gave him a playful nudge and he turned to look at me, contemplating whether to spill the beans or not.

"Promise not to laugh?" he said, eyeing the book again. I made a cross over my heart and nodded solemnly. He held the book back out to me again, cringing.

I opened it up on a random page, finding a detailed description of a character, down to traits, motivations and a background history, complete with possible real-life counterparts.

"What is this?" I said, turning to another page. "Is it notes for a book or something?"

"A screenplay," he clarified, cringing again. "Sometimes I get ideas and sometimes I'm stupid enough to actually write them down and develop them, like they'll actually come to fruition. That book is where I keep them all together, so they'll stop gnawing at my brain."

I was lost for words, flicking to another random page where he'd bookmarked screenshots of other movies, making notes on cinematography and tones, outlining the positives and negatives critically.

"This is really detailed, Em," I breathed, finding another page with large blocks of text which was highlighted in some areas, crossed out in others, and had notes written in the margins. It even had lines of dialogue – some beautiful and poetic, others dark and forboding, but each with its own established style. From scanning the page, I could tell it was really good, and way beyond anything a regular seventeen-year-old would come up with.

"I mean, you aren't messing around here..." I nodded towards the screen, where the menu from_ Empire_ was still playing on a loop. "It's not just Star Wars, is it... it's _movies._ That's your passion." He looked at me curiously for a beat, before he huffed out a breath, scrubbing a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that... movies, TV..." His eyes avoided mine as he leaned back into the cushions, uncomfortable. "Ever since I was little, I've dreamed of being this big shot director, or a writer, I'm not exactly exclusive to either – and to put my ideas on screen. I mean, it's totally stupid, but it's an escape, you know? That's what film should be – a complete detachment from reality."

I was silent as he talked, watching the emotions play out on his face with each sentence. It was the exact way I felt about a great book, and why I re-read so many of the classics, but was still constantly on the look-out for the next fix. For him, like me, this was more than a hobby – it was a bright spot in an otherwise tumultuous life. When my mom was neglecting our time together for her latest obsession, or when I needed to forget about life for a while, I turned to the characters in those books like old friends, constantly there and waiting for me any time I needed them, just like any of the familiar faces in his collection. As he continued, he went from being uncomfortably shy discussing it - to embroiled in the idea.

"My mom had this old camera stuffed in the back of a closet, and when I was like, eight or nine, I found it, and just lost my mind. I didn't put the thing down for, hmm... Most of _puberty_, until it broke. Wasn't surprising since it was probably made in the '70s," he smiled.

"But that's when I got the bug. I made all these stupid little videos and movies – one was even about the whole werewolf myth around La Push, but-" he started laughing, "There aren't any wolves in Washington, so I substituted with Quil's ancient golden retriever, Benny." I found myself smiling too, imagining the quiet kid with the camera, marching around calling the shots and ordering his friends like a true auteur.

"Quil's a terrible actor, and Jake, well, he just wanted to do special effects, and got pissed that I didn't include any explosions. I think we all agreed not to make any more movies together after that..." he trailed off, frowning. "Actually, I'm pretty sure that's how the camera broke – we judged a stunt wrongly and the lens got smashed."

"And you never got another one?" I asked, desperately wanting to hear more.

He shrugged. "It's just me and my mom, and it's not exactly high on the list of necessities."

"But you never stopped getting ideas," I surmised, looking towards the book again. The page was open on a detailed re-imagining of the classic Jekyll and Hyde story, set in modern-day Chicago. Despite the established source material, everything else, down to the twists for currency – Jekyll was a _woman,_ involved with a powerful gang looking to come up with the next big drug to take to the streets when she decided to become a human guinea-pig - was completely original. His face contorted in abashed agreement.

" Mine are just stupid little scribbles... I'd _really _kill to come up with something half as good as Philip K. Dick. He's like my idol... his writing is responsible for Blade Runner, Total Recall, Minority Report.. totally mindblowing stuff. The guy rarely got it wrong. If I had even an ounce of that..." he gushed, shaking his head. "I just keep coming up with stuff in the hope that some of it is at least passable - it's like once something gets into my head, it won't go away until I write it down somewhere. I'm not actually going to _do_ anything about it."

"Why not?" I asked, genuinely wondering how such a passion could be squandered. He shot me a withering look.

"In case you haven't noticed, Forks isn't exactly heaving with Hollywood talent, and it's not like film school is a feasible choice for someone who bursts into a furball at regular intervals."

It was supposed to be light and in jest, but I knew better than that – it had to be hard to accept that your dream was no more than a distant fantasy. Not for the first time, I hated what this part of my life cost those I cared about. Embry as smiling in quiet acceptance when I shook my head.

"No, it shouldn't be the end of it," I said frustratedly, and he raised a brow. "Look, I know what you said is true, but Embry – these ideas, the inspiration behind them, the _motivation_ to actually develop them? Not everyone is just born with this." I gestured towards the book in almost disbelief.

"So you can't got to film school – there are so many movies coming out these days which are complete success stories and only cost about a thousand bucks to make. Do you think these people went to the big studios with their ideas? Probably, and they were probably shot down, but they did it anyway."

I closed the book again and held it out to him. "Aren't you the one who told me that we're only really the loser if we stop going for what we want?" I leaned my head to the side, watching as he considered my words carefully.

"Have your fall-back, sure, go get a really boring degree and a boring job, but don't let your secret ruin your life, and don't let it take this away from you, because once you do that, it eats up everything else, and you're left with nothing but resentment. Take it from someone who knows."

He was lost for words as he studied me, but hadn't taken the book back yet. I nudged him again with it, raising my eyebrows. "Promise me? Promise me you're not going to stop doing this, because if it makes you happy, then it's worth everything." He finally reached out and grabbed the book, nodding dumbly as a look of surprise played over his features.

"Good," I said, satisfied, "And don't forget to invite me to your first premiere, right? I want to meet some potential movie stars."

Then, he smiled. "I promise."

"Alright... now, am I going to see some Ewoks, or what?"

It's safe to say I fell totally in love with the Ewoks, cooing with delight over them as Embry made comments about how much of a 'girl' I was. He claimed I just had a soft spot for furry things with a little fight in them.

In fact, as it was drawing to a close, I found myself getting more and more saddened that my excuse to hang out with him was ending. Today had been exactly what I'd hoped for – I'd had company so I didn't have to dwell on what went on in my head when I was alone, and I'd managed to strip away some of the mystery around Embry – and I really loved what I'd found. He was so much more than he let others see, and if anything, I felt a new kinship towards him, that someone to whom secrets were a rare and precious thing these days, he'd told me one of his own freely. To be trusted with that, and to have a part of him on display was pretty humbling.

The sound of Charlie's return was his cue, though, and he was still sat on the couch, putting his belongings back into his bag when the door opened.

"Hey Bells, hope you haven't cooked yet, cause I was thinking about ordering-" I turned to regard him, wondering why he'd cut off mid-sentence. He was standing in the doorway, holding an overflowing police file in one hand, and excited grin split his features when his eyes fell on Embry. He looked to me in question. "Well damn, son, ain't you a sight for sore..."

The sentence trailed off once Embry turned to look at him and stood, pulling the strap of his bag over his shoulder. "Hey, Chief," he said curiously, shooting me a questioning glance.

"Oh, sorry, kid... I uh, thought you were someone else." My heart sank at the tone of his voice, and the instinctual knowledge of who he'd mistaken Embry for. It would be a very long time before _that person _and I were spending a day like this together again, if ever.

"Embry and I just had a movie marathon," I said by way of explanation. Charlie nodded as he went to hang his jacket by the door.

"That's nice. Must have been good if you actually got Bella to sit through it all," he jibed, shooting me a sly smile.

Embry nodded. "Yeah, everyone has to see Star Wars at least once in their life, right?"

Charlie eyed him sternly. "Originals, or that trash that came out a few years back?"

"Originals, of course," Embry scoffed, as if anything else was blasphemy.

Charlie gave him an approving smile. "This kid ain't the dumb one Billy caught eating boot polish, then." I laughed heartily at the mental image of Quil being reprimanded with black stains all down his chin. "Are you staying for dinner? I'll give you a ride home if you're not," he said, attempting to be polite, but something about Charlie was off.

"Uh, no, but I got a way back, thanks... " he said distractedly, clearly thinking the same thing I was. He turned to me. "So... this was fun."

I smiled. "Yeah, it was. Feel free to educate my deprived mind any time you're at a loose end." We began walking towards the door slowly as Charlie made his way further inside.

He laughed lightly. "You have much to learn, my child. Next time: Doctor Who – the reboot."

I raised a brow – Star Wars I could handle, but the image of some stuffy English guy mincing around in a phonebooth battling killer robots didn't sound all too appealing. "Alright, if you think I'll actually like that..."

"Trust me, you will," he said knowingly. "Anyway, I gotta go... it was nice seein' you again, Chief."

Charlie was already engrossed in the file he'd come in with, but looked up to nod politely. "Sure thing, Embry. Don't be a stranger, 'kay?"

I stopped at the door, noticing that there weren't any vehicles in my line of vision. I frowned, glancing up at him in question.

"Dirt bike's hidden in the trees, don't worry," he whispered smugly, glancing towards Charlie over my head. "I'll see you soon, alright?"

"Yeah.. I wasn't kidding about doing this again, you know."

"Neither was I," he said, turning to leave, but looked back over his shoulder. "And hey - there's someone waiting on the couch for you... Bye, Bella" He disappeared out of sight then, and I turned confusedly back inside.

Nestled in between the cushions, was the Ewok toy he'd bought at the rummage sale, cleaned and looking good-as-new. I picked it up and lovingly hugged it, smiling at the fact he'd brought it here, knowing I'd fall in love with them so deeply before I ever watched it. How the hell did he _do _that?

I sat on the couch again, opposite Charlie's recliner, where he'd laid out more of the file pages in front of him and was scrutinising them carefully. I hugged Wicket to my chest, watching my father closely.

"Got something interesting, Dad?" I said, turning the stuffed animal around to face me as I smiled. It was a tell-tale sign that he hadn't even switched on the TV yet.

"Just some case files – missing persons," he muttered before looking up and frowning.

"What have _you _got?" he said, gesturing to the toy. I smiled and looked at it again.

"A really good friend," I said.

* * *

**A/N: Well, this was a monster of a chapter, but I really wanted to develop things between these two a little more. How are we liking geek Embry? Is it a complete turn-off, or are you totally into it? Let me know in the comments!**

Embry's rap: www. youtube watch?v =baRCq3twqww

Embry's shirt: www. superherostuff ?itemcd=tsstrwrswokwing


	22. I'm An Ahole

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N:Suggested Listening: Song For You by Alexi Murdoch, Can't Take My Eyes Off You by Cary Brothers, Angel's Wings (Acoustic) by Social Distortion, A Decent Cup Of Tea by Frank Turner.**

**Warning: Spoilers for Doctor Who (2005), Series 1 and 2.**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Two: I'm An Asshole**

**Embry POV**

"So then she was like '_well maybe you can show me some time?_' And dude, she _wanted _me.. I could practically smell it on her." His lip disappeared between his teeth as he hammered the controller with his thumb, trying to make the virtual bullets shoot harder, or something. We only had one left, since he'd broken the other in a fit of gamer-rage. Super-strength and plastic electronics do not mix.

I wrinkled my nose, trying desperately to banish the thought that he probably _could_ smell it on her. "Alright, I get it. Ladies Love Quil-A. I got the email."

He smirked triumphantly, eyes darting from the screen, and raised his brows, but I interrupted before he launched into the well-rehearsed sales-pitch.

"Nobody's going to be on board with that. And stop trying to make up your own nicknames."

"Well fuck, dude, anything's gotta be better than '_SeQuil',_" he whined, brow furrowing at the game, and I tried my hardest not to laugh. Ever since it had been pointed out that the Atearas were overly fond of repeating first names – he himself being the fifth - it kind of stuck. To this day he didn't know that _I, _his best friend, happened to be the one to come up with it in the first place. I think the worst part for him was the fact that several of the hotter girls from the Rez referred to him that way.

"Do something cool and dangerous, then we'll talk, alright?" I acquiesced, scrolling through my cell as another message from Bella came through. It was partially my fault he was stuck with a name he hated around school, after all, the least I could do was help him get rid of it.

_You're a huge dork, Embry Call :)_

I smiled widely at her response, pleased with myself probably more than I should have been. I'd sent her the lyrics to "You've Got A Friend In Me" from Toy Story, countering her claim that she had nothing to do all day because she was 'Weirdo Bella' and had no friends. The feeling that making her smile gave me was probably the dorkiest thing of all.

"Speaking of dangerous... you got a _complete_ lack of self-respect, or what?" he said, nodding to the phone as he concentrated. He was searching the level for a health pack, his life-bar dwindling by the second.

Setting the phone on my lap, I picked up my bottle of soda and raised an eyebrow in question as I opened it. "Huh?"

His character died before he found the health pack, and he swore, dropping the controller to the floor and flopped back on the bed. He was eyeing me as he leaned up on his elbows, picking the stained sheet absently. "You know what I'm talking about."

Even though I was pretty sure I did, there was a part of me that didn't want to discuss how I'd spent my Sunday with anyone but who I'd spent it with, and especially not someone who knew I wasn't just innocently keeping a friend company. "She invited _me_ over, was I supposed to tell her to go suck it?"

"No, but don't you think you're kind of torturing yourself? I mean.. come on, dude, you know as well as I do that you're not going to get what you really want here. And that's _before _Jake finds out about it."

I bristled. "I know that – why do you have to assume that I'm after more than just being a friend? We're not _all_ just looking to get laid..."

He narrowed his eyes at me, but I knew he wasn't mad. "Yeah, because you know you're just going to strike out anyway. Leave it up to the _real_ men."

"Wow, thanks," I muttered, picking up the controller for myself before something occurred to me. "You think he'll really be weird about it?"

Quil shot me a withering look, and I knew he was right. I knew Jake better than he knew even himself, and although his mind was somewhere else these days, it wasn't like he'd had his memory erased.

"I know," I huffed, "You're right. But it's not like that. We're friends."

Quil laced his hands behind his head. "Sure, and Jake doesn't even have _that_ anymore."

I focused my attention back on the screen, trying to distract from the guilty feeling stirring in my stomach. I hadn't even done anything - just hung out with her - yet somewhere deep down I knew that if it was all so innocent, I wouldn't have gone to lengths to hide it from my best friend.

My _other _best friend was still musing aloud, twisting the guilt further. "Remember how Jake was always so great about sharing his toys?"

"Yeah," I sighed, knowing where this was going.

"And then, the first time he wanted _anything_ for his own - was the day Bella came over." The day we met her. "I just think you should think about this... it's not just any girl."

"Don't you think I know that?" I said, getting slightly irritated. "But this isn't about Jake. Not _everything_ is about him, and how he gets affected. In case you hadn't noticed, he kinda came out the winner in all of this, while Bella was left – again – by someone who was supposed to love her. Do you have any idea what that does to your self-worth? Shouldn't she get to choose who she spends her time with, if it just makes her happy?"

He sat up again and frowned at me. "Whoa, been thinking about this a lot, huh?"

I huffed out a sigh and shook my head. "No," I lied, "But it's the truth."

"Yeah, well, it's just strange that the one time you show some balls is when you're thinking with 'em," he smirked. I took a deep breath and unpaused the game, just as a voice carried through the hallway from the front door.

"Guys, we're coming in, so stop making out!" I froze at his voice, throwing a glance to Quil who looked as much of a deer-in-headlights as I must have. Jake's scent was mingled with another that we'd come to associate with him, and probably would for the rest of our lives. It was all confirmed when he appeared in the doorway, Melanie trailing behind, holding his hand.

"You know we wouldn't wanna start without you, Gorgeous," Quil quipped with a wink, and I was still too uncomfortable to reply. It was clear he hadn't overheard the conversation – Jake was never one to play dumb when it came down to it, but I was still on-edge about it all. I just hoped that Melanie provided the usual level of distraction for him.

"Glad to hear it," he grinned "Want me to get rid of the cock-block here?" was the next joke, and he threw an arm around Melanie's shoulder and kissed her head as she laughed and playfully batted him away.

"Gee, sorry to impose, guys. I was just wondering if Quil had managed to finish the third chapter of 'Atlas Shrugged'," she said, and a look of guilt I'd only seen appear on Quil's face when the obligatory my-homework-fell-down-the-toilet excuse was coming up made an appearance. He'd lost a bet with her last week after he claimed she was lying about the existence of a town called "Middelfart" in Denmark. Melanie knew all sorts of crap that was of no use to anyone.

"Your boyfriend's been working me too hard. Gimme a break, slave-driver," he whined, eyes darting to the pristine copy sitting by his pillow. I could tell even from a cursory glance that it hadn't been touched.

"Hey, you're the one who refused to do the forfeit."

"Plus, he's completely lying," Jake interjected. "He hasn't patrolled since Saturday, and even then, he just spent the day eating cake with Bella."

Quil gave an exaggerated sigh. "Well excuse me for not wanting to spend an entire day wearing a bra. Some of us have a reputation to uphold."

"Sure you do, _SeQuil,_" I teased glancing away from the screen, and he flashed me a look of annoyance.

"You were supposed to be guarding her, not using the day to gorge yourself and try to pick up church-chicks," Jake admonished, flopping down on the bean-bag inside the door.

"Tell that to Embry, he hung out with her all day Sunday watching Star Wars."

That was all it took for my character to get accosted by the enemy and get gunned down in a haze of bullets. I looked back to Jake guiltily, throwing the controller back onto the bed behind me.

"_Star Wars_? Why?" he said, as if it was the most ridiculous thing in the world.

"She'd never seen it," I shrugged, attempting to play down the entire thing. "We were talking about it and somehow ended up planning a marathon."

Jake leaned his head back on the seat with a snort. "I know _that. _The only movies Bella ever watches are ones with a conflicted female lead. Bet she hated it. Totally not her thing."

He was still managing to watch me curiously from his position, and my lips turned down in disagreement. "Actually, she seemed pretty into it. Passed the day for us at least."

"Huh," was all I got in reply, but he continued staring at me as Melanie and Quil resumed arguing over the bet. I felt relief at the fact I wasn't hiding it from him anymore, but something in me bristled at the way he tried to use his knowledge of her against me. It just wasn't something he had the right to do, now. Jake didn't know Bella, not anymore.

* * *

"Seth, stop worrying about it, okay? I'll be here, the whole time, so he can't get pissed."

"Oh," he snorted petulantly, "I'm not worried, it's just..._why?_"

_Because I'm pathetically infatuated with her and I'm not going to pass up the chance to spend more time around her when she's somehow crazy enough to let me._

"Because we're friends, and we're just hanging out. Is there some kind of crime against it?"

He shot me a disbelieving look. "Alright then, but I'm not dealing with _him. _If he finds out, it's on you, alright?" He muttered something about 'Alpha's dirty-work' under his breath, but even I couldn't make it out over the grinding of his teeth.

"Yes, fine... just go, will you?"

Though most of us had become somehow different post-_fursplosion_, I think the most unsettling change was Seth. Well, not so much post-phase, but post-imprint. _Jacob's_ imprint.

All traces of hero worship Seth had for him, every tag-along, every question and search for approval – stopped. Since the day Seth realised there was something the mighty Jacob Black wasn't strong enough to fight, he'd stopped being invincible in his eyes, and we all realised how absolute the whole phenomenon was – even someone so confident, adamant and hopelessly in love couldn't do much to stand in the way of fate.

Seth, well, he did little to hide his changed feelings, and although the disappointment hurt him,I think on some level, Jake understood. Seth had seen it rip his sister's life apart, and he'd hoped that somehow, he could still blame Sam for not being strong enough, but not anymore. Jake, of all people knew deep down that what happened wasn't okay, no matter how Melanie made him feel.

Still, Seth's loyalty to Bella hadn't waned, but his new-found attitude could be a pain in the ass. I never thought I'd have to spend so long trying to convince someone _not_ to stand in the woods all day, bored out of their skull. Jared had been much easier.

It took Bella a little longer than usual to answer the door, but after a second knock, I heard her footsteps approaching and the door swung open to reveal her looking, well, exhausted.

"Hey," she said, her voice still thick with sleep, but she gave me a wide, genuine smile despite the fatigue in her eyes. It was after three p.m., and she looked like she'd barely been awake a half hour.

I smiled back before I could stop myself, a strange flip in my stomach registering that she was happy – _this happy- _to see _me. _I readjusted the strap of my backpack and studied her. "You sure you're still up for this today? We don't have to-"

"No!" she interrupted, eyes widening, and she grabbed my wrist, tugging on it insistently until I submitted. I tried to ignore the feeling of her hand on my skin, or the tiny jolts of energy shooting up my arm, right through my body, all because of an innocent touch. When had she become so comfortable with this? How could _I _be so comfortable with this? It was all working its way through me, sending signals and emotions to my brain that I had no business feeling. She wanted friendship, not a love-sick pup about to roll over and beg for a belly-scratch, just because she _almost _held his hand.

"No... I just got up from a nap, give me a second to wake up, and then I'm all yours." The smile was back, a little less-convincing this time, and all I could think was _I wish._

"If you say so,_" _I said, letting her lead the way into the kitchen, gallantly training my eyes away from the sight of her body-hugging yoga pants, where a large pot of coffee was just finished percolating.

"I do say so," she said, with a smug smile. "Seriously, Em, all I do is eat, sleep and work. It's pretty nice having something to look forward to on my days off that isn't doing the laundry or planning meals that won't land Charlie in the emergency room with chest pains."

"Well, I guess sitting around watching box-sets isn't all that tiring," I mused, scrutinising the dark circles under her eyes as I set my bag on the kitchen table. Even her scent was different, a hint of anxiety underlining the one I'd come to associate with her. The more time I spent around her, I realised I could tell all the subtle changes she gave off unknowingly.

She held up the pot, wordlessly offering me some, to which I nodded, and a steaming mug was set on the table. She cradled her own to her chest, fighting another yawn and raked her eyes over me.

She'd been doing that a lot lately, and it felt like my skin burst into flame. Every. Single. Time.

"No novelty shirt today?" she asked, gesturing to my clothes. "I would have thought you have something for every geeky occasion." My lips gathered on one side as I shook my head.

"They aren't as easy to come by as Star Wars stuff, but I do have this-" I fished my keys out of my pocket, holding them up by my official Mark V Sonic Screwdriver keychain. I pressed the button on the side, smiling proudly as it lit up and the sound effect echoed out.

"And that is...?"

I frowned. Wasn't it obvious? "It's a sonic screwdriver."

"A sonic screwdriver," she said disbelievingly.

"Exactly."

"What does it do?"

"It emits a sonic pulse, and you know, does... stuff."

"Like what, screwing?"

"Among other things."

"Right.."

"_Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks 'Ooh, this could be a little more sonic!'" _I said, although knowing she wouldn't get the reference – yet.

Bella raised her brows and held out her hands. "Right?!"

"All will be explained, my friend," I promised, pulling the box-set out of my bag and setting the Ninth Doctor's series on the table. Bella was holding off another yawn.

"So, do you always take naps in the middle of the day, Lazy-ass?" I said, trying to sound teasing, but I couldn't help but be a little concerned. Bella had a hell of a lot on her plate these days. I don't think I'd be able to sleep all that well either.

She shook her head, half-smiling as she brought the mug to her lips. "Been having some weird dreams." Taking a tentative sip, her brow furrowed, as if recalling just exactly how weird they were. "It kinda keeps me awake at night."

"What kind of dreams?" I asked, stirring sugar through the coffee. She shrugged, getting that far-off look in her eye. After a wordless moment, her gaze flitted back to mine, and she plastered on a weak smile.

"Just weird," she breezed and then nodded to the bag. "So this Doctor, is he like, a medical doctor or what?"

I smiled, shaking my head, but allowed the obvious subject change. "Neither – he's a Time Lord, the last of a race of super-intelligent, time-travelling aliens."

She raised a brow. "Of course, that would be the obvious answer, right?"

"I would think so."

It was probably a good thing I'd seen every episode countless times before, because all I could concentrate on was how Bella was curled up on the couch, pressed into my side and stirring her rapidly melting tub of Half Baked. Her head was resting on the back padding, close to leaning right on my shoulder and I willed myself, so very hard, not to watch as her little pink tongue darted out at regular intervals to lick the spoon clean. Every so often, she'd shift her weight around, asking questions, and laughing at something on screen. If today was meant to be a distraction, I wasn't sure who was more distracted.

"So the Daleks are supposed to be scary? They look like salt-shakers!"

"I guess they were back in the sixties, now, uh, I think they're a little old-school," I said, my eyes trained on Rose Tyler's exchange with the imprisoned creature. Bella straightened up, the movement sending a fresh wave of goosebumps billowing up my side, and studied me.

"You've gone all stiff," she said, and my eyes darted to hers in panic. "You sure you're not scared of them?" Relieved at the glint of humour in her gaze, I smiled.

"Yeah, bloodsucking, walking corpses I can handle, but don't leave me alone in the BBC prop department late at night..." I said in mock warning.

Part of me was pretty sure she was out to destroy me when she ruffled an ice-cold hand through my hair. I felt like an asshole for welcoming that touch so much.

"Poor Em, try not to have nightmares." I tried not to practically fucking purr at the feeling of her fingers on my scalp. But they were still there, and Bella's hand was frozen in place as she looked at me with a softness in her eyes I hadn't seen in a very long time, and _never_ directed towards me. "Thanks for doing this."

I cleared my throat, not sure if my voice would actually work when I could feel her ice-cream scented breath on my face. "Doing what?"

She pulled her hand away and shrugged. "You know, this." She gestured to the screen, the couch, the entire living-room.

"Educating you?"

"Keeping me company. Entertaining me. Being a great friend."

I frowned – it had all gotten incredibly serious in a short space of time. "It's not exactly a chore, hanging out with you, I mean. I like doing it." _I like you._

"I woke up today in kind of a bad place." She was facing the television again and I wanted so badly to ask her about these mysterious dreams, but I knew it would be pushing things. Today was supposed to be about taking her mind off it, even if she hadn't come right out and said anything.

"It's okay. I'm always around for no-strings fun." The words were out before I realised how it sounded, and I was sat cringing, and hoping against hope that she'd been too lost in her thoughts to fully realise the connotations. "I mean, uh, I'll hang out whenever you want."

She nodded absently and sank back into my side, toes tucked beside her and held out the spoon.

"Wanna taste?" she asked, jerking it in front of my face and looking at me, all melted-chocolate and innocence. Those eyes. She didn't even know what she was asking. Oblivious.

_Fuck._

I looked to it and then to her, desperately wishing she _did_ know what she was asking, and she really _was _offering.. It was the same answer either way. I threw on my best smile and nodded. "Sure."

She held the spoon up to my lips and I gave in, letting the treat heat up to body-temperature instantly. We didn't really eat ice-cream any more, since they turned to milkshake on impact.

"See? No strings." she teased, and my breath caught right in my throat.

The glimpse of Playful Bella was a rare one.

Each time over the next ten days when I showed up, she was a little more tired, and a little less easy to laugh, and I got a lot more worried. It even overshadowed the fact that bit by bit, she became more comfortable around me, sprawling lazily next to me or dozing when she hadn't taken a nap that day. I'm an asshole, for letting her think all I wanted was to be friends, but think those times were my favourite.

She was completely unaware of the way it became harder to breathe or how it took a full minute for me to answer a question sometimes, so lost in the feeling of having her so close but still an entire plain of consciousness away.

On Wednesday, we reached the end of the Ninth Doctor's series, and Bella held my hand. I almost let go of hers immediately to punch the air in delight. Did I say I'm an asshole already? Yeah.

My joy never lasted too long, though. She always seemed just a step away from breaking point, and I vowed that next time I saw her, I'd get to the bottom of it all.

No more "I'm just tired", "Work was hectic" or "I had a bad dream". Friday came, and I reached her house with that very intention, but every piece of resolve evaporated when that door opened, and I took in the sight of her tear-stained cheeks, the balled up kleenex in her hand, completing the forced, watery smile.

"Bella, this is ridiculous-" I sighed, noticing the look of guilt in her eyes as she turned on the TV. Whatever I had to say, it was only going to make things worse, and I clenched my jaw shut.

"Please, Em? Can we just-" there was a sigh, "I need some Embry time, okay?" she said in a small voice, sinking wearily into the couch. She shot me a weak, pleading smile, and every thought of protest in my mind was disarmed. She had me wrapped around that tiny finger with that one statement, and I didn't think she had a clue.

I shrugged defeatedly, letting the strap of my backpack slide down my arm so I could open it up. We were at the end of Rose Tyler's tenure as companion, and I hesitated before putting it on, looking at the state of Bella's appearance.

"This is kind of a sad episode, Bella, sure you don't want to watch something else?" She looked up from the cushion she was picking at and shook her head.

"No need to babysit me, Em... just put it on. Besides, it might be good to cry over someone else's bad luck for once." She patted my place on the sofa, a look of encouragement in her eyes, and I debated for a half-second before I dutifully followed her instructions, cursing my lack of backbone internally.

Taking my place beside her, every muscle in my body stiffened as she scooted up beside me, laying her head on my shoulder and curling her legs beneath, just like I'd noticed she always did.

"You sure about this? I mean, this episode got _me_ choked up..." I studied her warily, and she scoffed, putting her hand on my cheek and pushing, until I was facing the TV again.

"No babysitting. Be quiet and watch."

She made it kind of impossible, though, because no sooner had the theme started and I felt her scooch back into her place, but soft, cool fingers ran through my hair trailing down and coming to settle on the wisps at the back of my neck. Her touch was so soft, it was like she was barely doing anything, but she may as well have hit me over the head with a crowbar; the impact was the same.

Still ,she had no idea, and she watched the episode with interest - but I wasn't sure if here eyes were all the time actually looking at the screen, or right through it.

And cry, she did. Before the episode ended, I stole a glance down at her, to see silent tears running rivulets down her face, her ministrations on the back of my neck nothing more than an outlet for nervous, shaking fingers; a security blanket for someone with the appearance of a lost, forlorn child. By the time the scene changed on-screen to the beach, Bella had saturated my shirt, and all I wanted to do was hold her as violent sobs wracked her body; but was it okay for friends to do that? Was it okay for _me_ to do that?

_Fuck it_. I gave in, and I wrapped my arms around her, feeling just how small and fragile she was for the very first time. She buried her face in my neck, muffling the sound of her own cries as she clung to my shoulders, needing so much more comfort than I was qualified to give, but still gaining something from just being held... by _me._

Suddenly, I didn't feel that much of an asshole anymore.

But what the hell was I supposed to do now? I knew this reaction wasn't just because of the story-line; even as Rose and The Doctor said their goodbyes, whole universes apart, and separated for life.

So I did the only thing I could think of – I held her, tight, and I didn't say a single word.

* * *

**A/N: The next chapter will be Embry POV too.**

**If you're curious about the scene that spurred Bella's meltdown, you can watch it here: **

www. youtube watch?v =JvkjthzlyV8

**Also, I sneaked in a little reference to my Quembry one-shot, The Cardinal Rule of Bromantic Endeavours. It can be found on my author page, and it seems to be pretty funny... :)**


	23. Secrets

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended_

**A/N: Suggested listening: The Ballad of Barry Allen by Jim's Big Ego, Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men, Libra by The Narrative, Secrets by One Republic, 'Mountains' and 'Machines' by Biffy Clyro**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Three: Secrets**

**Embry POV**

Bella cried herself out. After about an hour, she was so exhausted that she cried herself to sleep in my arms, soft shudders of breath, the remnants of sobs following her into unconsciousness. It was all I could do to stay silent, though parts of me wished I had the courage to refuse to leave, refuse to offer any more comfort until she told me what was going on. I'd pushed Bella into admitting her own truths before, but now was not the time.

I knew when she needed to just _let go._

I hoped with everything I had, as her damp lashes fanned over her cheekbones and her breaths fell even, that the crying had somehow made things better. I prayed when I stole a single kiss from her forehead and laid her on the couch, that tonight, the dreams would leave her alone. Even her scent on my skin or how I could still feel her body in my arms couldn't keep the worries away.

She was never far from my mind over the next few days, even though actually talking to her became more difficult than it had ever been. She stopped replying to my messages and calls, and she never came outside when a wolf was patrolling if she wasn't forced to. On Monday, as the rain came down in thick sheets outside her house, I caught a glimpse of her at the window, searching me out, just before she shut the drapes and her light went out.

Even Leah couldn't get through to her, which was probably more worrying than anything else. Of course, the blame fell at my feet.

"What the fuck did you do, Call?" she accused from her place on the porch of my house. She was waiting for me when I got back from researching colleges I'd never probably get into at the Rez Centre. "Bella's regressed back to Broody Swan in all the time it took for you to grind your boner up against her leg."

"I haven't done _anything_ – why do you assume it's got something to do with me?" I couldn't keep the look of indignation from my face as my shoulders stiffened. For all we knew, it didn't have anything to do with any of us – but I'd be an idiot to rule it out. "I'm not the only one she's shutting out."

Leah toed the ground, a distracted furrow on her brow. I realised that for once, she wasn't just getting into other people's business just because she could. She was hurt, because Bella had earned her trust – something not many people had been able to do.

"Look, you said after that night in the club that I was playing with fire, and that if I dared put pressure on her, that you'd feed me my own dick... not that I needed to be told."

She met my gaze again, a look of smugness in her eyes. "Damn right I did, which is exactly why I'm assuming that you didn't listen to a word I said." I shot her a confused look, and she blew out a puff of air, the short tufts of her bangs billowing upwards. "Because you're a _guy._"

She'd been pretty clear about the whole thing. After she'd locked me in the car with a '_we need to talk_',I'd been told, in no uncertain terms, that I – Embry – met her complete approval for Bella, but Embry - the werewolf - did not.

"'_Jacob all but kicked the shit out of her and asked why she didn't hang around for more. You're not going to do that to her. No-one's going to get away with that shit on my watch.'_

'_Then why'd you let it happen the first time?_'

'_Why did __**you? **__Sometimes a warning isn't enough. Sometimes you have to learn that it's smarter _not_ to shove your hand in the fire by getting burned._'"

"Leah, I'm just as clueless about this as you are," I lied. I knew the dreams had something to do with it, but if Bella hadn't told Leah herself, then it wasn't my place to either. "Are you sure _you_ haven't done anything?"

The look she gave me was withering, and I would have retracted the idea if it hadn't been for the unsure flicker in her eyes.

"What's that?" I said, taking a step onto the porch.

"What?" she replied guardedly.

"That look – you're feeling guilty about something, or at least wondering if you should be."

Her eyes narrowed, and she hopped down from her perch, straightening out the bottom of her dress as she did.

"You don't get to pull the mind-fuck thing on _me_, Call. It's nothing."

"Then how come you've stopped blaming me for Bella's shut-out?"

She was quiet for a long moment, deliberating what to say. Her eyes flitted from me, to the ground and back again and with a grunt, she crossed her arms and her gaze became harsh. "You still able to put your thoughts on lockdown?" she said, raising a brow.

My head jerked back in confusion, and I shrugged. "I guess, yeah. If I concentrate hard enough."

"You better be a whole lot more sure than that," she warned, moving to walk past me in dismissal.

"Yes!" I called after her, stepping to keep up as I grasped her elbow. "Yes, I can do it, alright? Don't forget, you only found out about my thing for Bella when we were all human."

"Which was shocking, because you're so good at hiding the lost puppy looks you're always throwing her way..." she muttered sarcastically. Her lips disappeared into a thin line as she studied me, and she leaned into the post at the top of the steps. "I'm with Paul."

I wrinkled my nose, cocking my head to the side. I understood the words, it was their meaning that was unfathomable. _"With?_ Like..._"_

"I'm _with_ him, we're together, doing..._it..._ or whatever the kids are calling it these days."

I held up a halting hand and shook my head, stomach roiling at the images _that_ revelation brought to mind. "You can't be serious."

Her face became bitter, lip curling up in a snarl. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

I backpedalled, suddenly realising that making judgements on Leah's life was not for the faint of heart. "It's not... It's just that-" I sighed, "You're really going _there,_ with another one of _us?_"I couldn't believe that, after everything she'd been though, Leah would actually consider something like this.

Her jaw clenched minutely, and the unsure look in her eye flashed to me, but she shrugged it off. "Relax, _Mom_, we're not getting fucking married."

"But you're still-"

"Sleeping with him. Jeez, doesn't anyone around here know what casual sex is?" she huffed, directing her question towards the sky. I couldn't help but notice she was no longer looking at me.

"Is that all it is?"

We were so intertwined with each others lives, so bonded on a primal level that I couldn't believe that they could manage to enter into something like this without at least some feelings getting in the way. From the moment each of us burst out of our skin, and this whole fucked-up thing opened up before us, every seed of anger, every thread of disappointment, and every glimmer of happiness was intensified. Sometimes, our capacity to bear the burden of all those coursing emotions still floored me, and I couldn't imaging it _not _being a factor when there were two wolves in the equation. Leah may have thought I was playing with fire, but she was on a path to get burned.

"Yes, that's all. We're both young, hot, and disease-free, and I don't have to worry that I'll break him in half with one wrong move." The sentence stopped abruptly, like she'd revealed more than was intended.

She leaned heavily on the railing again with a sigh, her dress billowing out behind her in the breeze. Apart from the permanent scowl and cutting humour, Leah could be pretty beautiful, underneath everything. In fact, she _was_ beautiful, in her own way. She just didn't see it anymore.

Paul was a logical attraction for her, I surmised. Leah's femininity was a sore subject, we all knew it, and getting to feel like the _girl_ in a relationship again had to have been a deciding factor. But it still didn't take away from the fact that it was the worst idea ever.

"And Paul? He's aware of all of this?"

She nodded minutely. "Sure".

"You don't seem too convinced." The bitter look was back and the full force of that fiery gaze was back on me.

"He gets it now... we discussed it, okay?"

"Fine, just checking if I need to prepare for a shit-storm," I placated, before throwing her a sidelong glance. I was leaning on the wood beside her now. "So what does this have to do with Bella?"

Leah's gaze was far-off, and it was a long moment before she shrugged. "I don't know, but it can't be a complete coincidence that she becomes a hermit the same week I tell her that Paul and I are seeing each other." She turned to me then. "I stopped believing in coincidences when Sam kicked me to the curb once Emily came to visit."

Nodding silently, I weaved a hand through my hair. It didn't give me the same sense of wholeness as when someone _else _did it. Leah moved to leave, making her way down the steps without a word.

"Leah?" She turned expectantly, not quite stopping. "Are you sure it's just_ Bella_ who couldn't handle going through it all again?"

She didn't answer me as she disappeared between the trees.

* * *

It was a whole nine days since I'd had any contact with Bella, when a familiar engine was heard rattling towards the beach. There was no mistaking that sound, and I jerked to attention upon hearing it. The only thing I couldn't figure out was why she was _here _of all places. I knew better than to assume it was to see me, even if it _was_ the last day of summer.

Despite my best efforts, I found myself drawn to the shore, just seeking some reassurance that it was really her, or that she'd somehow broken out of the spiral of – whatever it was – she was going through.

Sure enough, her scent hit me before I even caught sight of her, standing by her truck, alone and silent.

I didn't approach, and I didn't make a sound. Her stuttered breaths and the racing of her heart was enough of a giveaway, but my own heart sank at the sight of her, and what brought her attention.

She'd come here for some sort of release or reflection. Maybe she'd wanted to walk barefoot - hell, she probably wanted to curse into the wind - but she couldn't. Jake and Melanie sat side-by-side on a blanket laid out over the sand, his arm curled protectively around her as they talked and laughed, facing the sunset and enjoying the last remnants of our poor-excuse for a summer.

Bella cowered into the side of her truck and just watched, as I watched her. I pushed down the overwhelming weight of dread, of futility, that came with the idea that maybe, the scene playing out in front of her is what she'd wanted to see all along. Jake always spent the last day of freedom here.

I couldn't talk to her because I didn't want confirmation that it was true. It was too late, though, as she turned to get into the truck again, she caught sight of me and froze, her gaze falling guiltily to the ground. Instead of opening it up and shutting me out, she slumped against the driver-side door, exhaling long and hard as she did.

"Hey."

I had to clear my throat before I was sure my voice would work. She looked so broken and beat-down that my feet were moving before I'd actually told them to, and I was almost at the tail-light.

"I heard the truck," I said, by way of explanation, even if she hadn't asked. My hands buried in my pockets in nervous energy, fully sure she didn't want me here any more than she wanted to be here herself.

She nodded, staring at the keys in her hands, a small frown emblazoned across her brow. "I thought one of you might."

"Are you okay?" It was a stupid question, but not for the first time in Bella Swan's presence, words failed me.

"Considering."

I took a step closer, encouraged by the actual answer for once, not a lie. "Care to elaborate?"

She didn't reply, instead meeting my gaze with a self-deprecating smirk. It was those kind of enigmatic answers that had my wolf snarling. We'd both long ago pledged to protect and care for the girl standing before us – in any capacity – and she wasn't making it easy.

"I'll take that as my cue to leave," I said with more acid than I'd intended, but it'd been nine days – nine_ fucking_ days – since I'd been close enough to pick out the micro-expressions on her face, or have her scent surround me like a cocoon. Bella was comfort. When I wasn't around her, I felt _wrong._

"Wait."

She may as well have tied a rope around my middle and tugged. I turned to face her again, and her eyes were welling up. I instantly hated myself for being angry with her, and for letting the wolf dictate my emotions. I was above that. I was above _him._

"Can you drive?" She held out one small, delicate hand with her keys nestled in the palm. I looked at it and then to her, thoughtfully. "Please?"

The silence spanned between us as I drove, knowing the journey back to Forks was too short for everything I wanted to say. Every so often, the shrill tone of her cell cut through the cadence of the ancient engine, message after message coming through as the reception improved. After the third or fourth time, it began to ring, and Bella reached out abruptly, shutting it off and dropping it back on to the dashboard where it had been. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, raising a brow.

"Leah," she sighed in explanation. I nodded wordlessly, needing her to talk, but more afraid that if I engaged, she'd freeze up again. "I... can't speak to her right now."

Clenching my jaw, I signalled the turn on to the main road and trained my gaze ahead of me, just as she was doing. Her breath came out in a shudder, and she pressed her head back into the head rest, bringing her knees up to press against the dashboard.

"I fucked up, Em," she said, turning to watch the passing trees through her window. "No matter what I do, it's all... fucked up."

I didn't dare look at her, knowing she'd feel my gaze on her. "So? If it fucks up, we fix it. It's not over 'til it's over."

She shook her head in disagreement, but I didn't miss the faint shadow of a smile gracing her lips. "I wish I had your faith."

"It's not hard. All you have to do is tell me what's wrong, what's been going on, and we'll fix it. Together."

She clenched her eyes shut, tight, and I could smell the first traces of salt on the air, her tears threatening to break free. "It's fixing things that's messed it all up, and I'm... I'm so... _tired._" I felt the weight of that one word carry through her voice, as if she said it from some place so deep inside, she'd never let anyone see.

I saw a turn up ahead to a dirt trail, leading deep into the forest. I couldn't bring her home yet, not when she'd spoken more to me during this journey than in the entire week before it. Making the turn sharply, Bella gripped her seat.

"What are you doing?" she said, eyes darting between me and the scenery surrounding the truck.

"Taking control of the problem," I said simply. "We're going to drive as far as we can up this trail, we're going to park, and you're going to spill exactly what it is that's been eating you. And then, we're going to figure it out." Her mouth opened to argue, but I stopped her. "No arguments. I'm not going to stand by and watch you tear yourself apart."

That softness in her eyes was back, and she smiled weakly at me, before frowning, somehow berating herself for allowing it.

"I can't do this, Em. Not with you."

I took my eyes off the road to look at her. "And why not?"

"Because."

"You know, for someone so verbose as you, Bella, these one-word-answers are pretty fucking infuriating," I said gruffly, gripping tighter on the steering wheel. "Why not?"

"Because it's confusing, and it's complicated, and I'm not-" she sighed, running out of protests as she propped her forehead on her hand, avoiding my full-on stare.

"What's confusing?" I asked, refusing to let it go. She clenched her jaw shut, not letting the words escape. "Bella," I emphasised, letting my voice betray my determination, "_What's confusing_?"

Her lips pressed together as her brows gathered in the middle, still fighting with herself. I was reaching the end of the trail, and was half afraid she'd bolt as soon as I pulled to a stop.

"Bell-"

"You!" she bellowed to the windshield, cutting into my prod, taking my breath right along with it.

"_You're_ confusing. Being _around _you is confusing.. and I'm feeling things, and I'm _needing_ you, and it's not fair, because it's too fucking familiar," she shook her head, the first tear spilling over and meandering down her flushed cheek.

"I don't know how this happened, and I don't know if I can do this again, and all I can think of is, '_what's the point?_' Because you're just being there for me... and even if you weren't, you're going to hurt me or I'm going to hurt you or we'll get caught in the middle of something else... and I'm just... confused..." her voice trailed off into a whisper as I sat in stunned silence. Her cheeks blazed with the revelation, and still she couldn't look at me.

_Did she just? No. There is no way in this lifetime that things are actually turning out this way, not for me, and not with _her.

The silence was involuntary this time, as Bella caught her breath, and I tried my fucking hardest to figure out if I was dreaming, and if she'd really just told me she needed me, that she _felt_ something for me.

"You don't have to say anything," she croaked. "It's all me, it's this stupid damsel-complex I have, because everything's been spinning off out of control, and I found myself needing you around, and wanting to tell you everything, but it's just-" she gulped heavily, freeing her voice once again. "It's what I do, I get to this place where I pin all my hopes on someone else, and I let them take the burden that _I'm _supposed to face... I'm just messed up."

I shook my head, finding my voice again for the first time. "It's not all you," I said quietly, as her chest hiccupped in a stressed sob. She turned to me, wiping her moist cheek with her sleeve and sniffed.

"What?"

"_It's not all you_."

I had to look her in the eye now. How could she not know? "I've been," I sighed, "It's not right, and I knew it, but I couldn't _not_ see you... I had to, because I've felt this way about you for so long, I don't know how to stop." I unbuckled the seatbelt so I could turn fully in the seat, staring at my hands as I talked.

"I should never have pretended to be just your friend, because it's something that just got harder and harder... and these last few weeks- " I shook my head, unable to hold in the ghost of a smile. "It's been the best time of my life, because I got to be around you, and I got to be the one to talk to you and be next to you and tell you things only my closest friends know."

She was silent then, letting my confession settle over her as she stared silently at my mouth, as if hardly believing the words coming out of it. She seemed just as shocked as I had been, and all I wanted was to kiss her, but it was all so _new_, and I was so nervous I felt like I needed to phase and run it off, my muscles clenching and unclenching rhythmically while I fought for control.

I settled for taking her hand, holding it up so we were palm-to-palm, and laced our fingers together. The faint vibrations of the impending phase just faded away, soothed by the cool contact of her touch.

"So you can't feel bad for needing me, because I need you too." I squeezed her hand that bit tighter, adding weight to my words as I spoke them.

"You make me grounded, you give me this, this _purpose _I never had before."

She looked at our hands, her mouth gaping open softly as she watched the contrast of our skin, how we fit together almost seamlessly; so similar, but so fundamentally different.

"So you're going to let me do this for you, let me take half your burden; I can be your friend, if that's how you want it... it's up to you." Our hands were on her lap now, as I gently unclasped them. "But we're going get out of this truck and get some air, and you're going to talk, and we're going to figure this thing out. Together." I looked into her eyes. "Okay?"

She stared back into mine, tears still pooling at the edges, and blinked at me. Then, she nodded.

"Okay. But you're not going to believe me."

I shot her a smirk as I opened the door, stepping outside. Seth's playful yips rang out over the trees, signalling to Brady that he was ready to finish patrolling, Brady was probably late or something, but there was no danger. Both our heads turned in its direction, Bella's shoulders jerking in fright. She looked to me for reassurance that nothing was wrong, all nerves frayed under the weight of whatever she was going through.

Giving her my best smile, I turned towards the bed of her truck, wanting to sit somewhere that allowed us to be close without the _confusion _getting in the way. I'd just heard my friend _barking _from a distance. Did she really think there would be something I wouldn't believe?

"Oh yeah?" I said, opening each catch and hopping back to take a seat on the metal. Bella followed me with an unsure expression, watching my movements like a nervous child. "Try me."

* * *

**Bella POV**

It was quiet for a long time. That was one thing about him that took some getting used to. All my life, I'd been the listener, the quiet observer while everyone around me filled the world with noise and comment and assumptions. He was never one to speak his mind. When he did, it always surprised me how astute he was, how the simplest gesture was confirmation of a quiet theory. Embry's theories were always spot on, and there was a hesitant itch forming in my bones now – now that I'd given everything away; that there were no more secrets to share. _What was he thinking? _

I'd woken up this morning so weighed down by everything I was carrying, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep and wake up when everything messed up in my life was a distant memory, or to find out it was all happening to someone else – but I couldn't wish this on anyone, and sleep was anything but an escape.

The dreams had continued. Every night, as I slept, vivid images and situations of a life I no longer had played out before me, chronologically. After night five, I realised what they were – glimpses. Each dream was a window into the life I'd given up; an hour, a day of another Bella who was still bonded to Edward, still dancing the edge between insane and stupid.

Some nights were harder than others. I'd finally stopped being able to staunch the flow of tears on Embry's shirt after I saw myself break Jacob's heart as he laid prone on his bed, and watched Billy's face as he explained that his sixteen-year-old son had gone missing, but nobody was looking for him anymore.

Worst of all, was Leah. We'd become so close, such pillars for each other that it was the hardest thing to see her look at me with blame and contempt, to hear the venom in her voice as she told me exactly how she felt about me. It was almost impossible to believe I'd been giving her relationship advice, and in the waking world, I watched her slowly let her barriers down, and I found the new lightness in Paul's expression – his trademark sneer a genuine smile now, all because Leah had given him a chance.

She'd told him it was casual; that she didn't 'do' relationships, but any fool could see that he was getting under her skin. It had been one of the few respites in my waking life, knowing that things were so much better for them both here, and knowing that without my help, they'd both be dancing around each other still. Until the night I'd woken up in a cold sweat, the image of Paul in a loving embrace with Rachel Black still burned into my psyche.

I'd retreated after that, pulling myself back into my own world where I couldn't interfere, and I couldn't lure my friends into a false sense of security when I didn't know one way or the other if I was setting them up for devastation. Quil's imprint had failed here. Could I be sure Paul's would too? Or did I have to pre-emptively break apart two of my friends, and destroy the one piece of happiness they'd both found since an ancient curse ripped everything good and whole from their lives?

In the midst of it all, was Embry. He was there in happiness and depression, allowing me to lean on him when I felt like it was too hard to stand on my own anymore, all the while never pushing and never forcing answers out of me. I didn't think I had any for him, anyway.

It had hit me full force, waking up on my couch, covered in a soft blanket and with a hand-written note, torn from his own book of secrets, laid on the arm rest beside me.

_You fell asleep, so I let myself out. I hope your dreams are better tonight._

_Sleep well. _

_Em._

Even without knowing _anything_, it was like he knew it all, everything that was going on with me and all the problems I had, and I wanted nothing more than to find him, have him hold me and spill each last detail out for him to piece together and make sense of it. That was when I realised how much a part of my life he'd become.

Embry, who'd decided I was worth hanging around even when I was turning into someone I no longer recognised. Embry, who listened to my disillusioned babble about love and monsters and magic. Embry, who'd become my best friend, in every sense of the word.

And I _needed _him. I realised that, without him, I could no longer tell which was the better reality. Each world had its positives – Charlie's life, my friendship with Leah and Embry and living out my existence as a human versus still having Jacob around me, knowing where I was going to end up and spending eternity with someone who would never leave me again. Here, Embry was the beacon, the marker to which I adhered myself. When he was around, I knew where I belonged.

It scared the crap out of me.

Not only was I having feelings for someone again, that someone was intricately carved into my life with someone else. There was no Jacob without Embry, no Embry without Jacob, and I didn't know who I would be without either of them. On top of that, there I was, once more, putting all my faith in a hero, waiting to be rescued when I'd spent so many months realising that _that_ was no longer who I wanted to be.

But with every careful touch, each smile and knowing look, every time I pressed my body against his for the comfort of his warmth and the familiarity of his scent, I found myself falling deeper under his spell. I'd been seeing him this way for weeks, but only when I realised how far it had come, how much I truly craved his presence, did the panic set in.

So I did what I thought I needed to – I pushed him away.

It was easy, at first, which surprised me. The less I saw of him, the more I could convince myself that the feelings could be pressed down and ignored. I immersed myself in work, pulled away from the Pack, and focused on what I had, here, and now. But the dreams didn't stop, and the feelings roared back into the forefront each time I woke up and wanted nothing more than to call him and just hear his care-free voice.

It had reached breaking point after I'd broken down in the middle of wedding planning, realising Charlie wouldn't be there to walk me down the aisle, and knowing how cruel it would be to ask my second choice - my best friend - instead. He looked like I'd stabbed him in the chest. I'd gone through my work day in a haze, barely functioning, knowing where I needed to go, just to give myself that final reassurance that things were better for him here. I'd gone to La Push, seeking out Jacob, but wishing for Embry.

His presence was there before I ever set eyes on him, and the betraying relief that he'd found me only made everything more difficult. I couldn't stand to watch him leave, and to end up with a confession, something I'd never planned on doing, but _he'd _managed to free it from me still had me reeling. It was still sinking in that he'd told me he felt the same. Maybe our heroes find those in need of rescue all by themselves.

It found us here, sitting on the bed of my truck, music from a far-off bonfire playing softly in the background as I told him my story. I couldn't watch his reactions, and I couldn't wait for his replies, because I _knew _how it all sounded – starting from the account of racing to Italy to save Edward, to being at the centre of a tug-o'-war between the wolves and the vampires, to the discovery of my abilities and the death of my own father. It was straight out of a Science Fiction movie; but then again, Embry was somewhat of an expert on those.

I told him about going back, each time-jump and the consequences I'd managed to determine. I spoke aloud for the first time about changing my past to save Charlie, and how I'd been so sure that my choices were linear, and that I knew where life would take me. It sounded incredible, and that's what I feared. When I told him about the dreams, explaining what had happened to me over the last few weeks, I was sure he'd put me back in the truck and figure out the easiest way to tell Charlie that his daughter was a lunatic, but he sat quietly as the first stars came out, and as the moon made its entrance into the sky, and I talked until I was hoarse from the effort. I let the explanation of why he'd found me by the beach hang in the air for long moments, the rustle of leaves and far-off wildlife the only thing louder than my heartbeat.

I tried to study his face in the moonlight – fiercely intelligent eyes focused on some far off mental image, his lips gathered on one side while he pondered everything I'd said. Did he even believe in karma? Did he believe _me_? I knew how crazy it all sounded, and save for the fact he had some impossible talents of his own, I had no doubt he'd have me swiftly checked into a psych ward and waving goodbye by morning.

_He would never do that to you._

I knew my inner voice was right. Despite everything telling him to run for the hills, he had never shied away from danger, and he had never abandoned me. Even when I'd tried pretty damn hard to make him.

His expression relaxed then, and a gentle smile formed on his face as he broke his contemplation. It strained me to hear the soft chuckle that left his lips before he swallowed hard.

"I remember the day I started falling for you," he said, his voice sounding impossibly loud against the silent forest. It was almost a harsh contrast to the silence we'd been enveloped in. I didn't answer; this was a musing, a quiet confession and he wanted me to listen. "The time after I phased – Jake and I still weren't talking." He turned towards me slightly, fixing his half-smiling gaze on me and taking in the expression on my face. I'm sure it was probably one of confusion. Had it really been that long; all that time?

"I was in the Rez store, waiting by the counter. You came in and I froze up; I was so sure you hated me for what you thought I did to Jake. I was prepared for a stern talking-to," he said chuckling again. "You were so protective of him, back then."

I looked away guiltily. So much of our history was interspersed with mine and Jacob's, and I'd been completely oblivious to his feelings because I was too wrapped up in being the victim, and wallowing in the could-have-beens with Jacob; here and in a lost life I'd never actually realise. Could we ever get away from the self-inflicted stigma of having Jacob as our link? I knew I would never have known Embry's name had it not been for that day in the garage when he'd introduced us. He wouldn't have known who I was if my father hadn't been friends with Billy. Things had changed, though, he'd slowly but surely carved out his own place in my life, so carefully I hadn't even realised until after it happened.

His hand hovered over mine for a moment, a slight hesitation spanning endlessly before I felt the warmth of his grasp cover my knuckles, his fingers lacing through my own reassuringly. He didn't want me to feel guilty. He was telling me without saying a word.

I turned back to him. Studying how our hands fit together. I could barely see my own – his shielded it fully from view, protectively yet gently and without pressure. Just like Embry.

"You didn't tear me a new one like I thought. Instead, you told me that everything would be okay, do you remember that?"

I nodded silently. He'd told me how much he needed to hear that after Jake finally phased. It had helped him when he was alone and frustrated, and felt like everyone important in the world hated him through no fault of his own. I never realised how much it really meant until right now.

"It was like you knew my secret, when there was no way you could have. You cut me some slack right at the point I felt like I was going to snap."

"It was a time-jump," I croaked, finding my voice for the very first time. "In the moment, I didn't know your secret, but I knew to have faith in you, because I had this... _feeling._" I let out a breath, wondering if a sane person would shut up and let the cute boy fall in love with her. "The feeling came from the version of me who knew who you were, _what _you where. It wasn't blind faith, Em."

Saying it sent a chill through me. Would it change his perception of me now, knowing that I'd done it not on belief in his goodness, but on the basis that I had insider knowledge?

He nodded almost imperceptibly. "I just realised that," he said evenly, before straightening up again and looking me straight-on, a picture of resolve. "Doesn't change anything, though. You didn't have to tell me that. You could have blanked me, you could have talked about the weather, but you didn't. You told me exactly what I needed to hear because you knew I needed to hear it."

I shrugged, looking away. "You looked like you could use a little comfort. Why wouldn't I do it? It's not the point, though."

I turned back to him and he raised an eyebrow. "Well what is, then?" His eyes looked straight into me, daring me to take the moment away from him in that challenging way he was so adept at. I hated myself for it, but I had to be honest.

"The point is... in the original sequence of events, that never happened. I was never meant to run into you that day, Em. You were never meant to fall for me."

His lips thinned as he thought about that, jaw clenching as he frowned at nothing but my words. After several beats. He shook his head. "No."

"No? What is that supposed to mean?" I replied, jerking my head back in confusion. His hand was still covering mine, and I didn't want to move.

"It means no, you're wrong." He sounded almost patronising, as if he couldn't fathom how I didn't get how obvious it all was.

"It's the way it happened, Em," I said sorrowfully. "This was all a big mistake that these... powers let me make."

He shook his head again, gripping my hand tighter. "_This_ is not a mistake, _we _are not -" there was a sigh, "You don't get it. You talked about fate, right?"

I shrugged a shoulder. "So?"

"So, don't you think fate just gave you another signpost, an eraser on your pencil so you can go and do the right thing?"

"You think it was meant to happen?" I said, unable to keep the relief from my voice at the smile on his expression inside. I noticed he was closer now, leaning in enthusiastically and willing me to believe him. The warmth of his breath was making the flyways framing my face twirl in the air.

"I think you went the wrong way the first time," he replied. "I think you retraced your steps, got to the last place that looked familiar, and then you picked the right path... the one that was waiting for you the whole time. It was a little bumpy, and it looked kind of dark sometimes, but it led you right..." his breath was on my lips now, and my head felt dizzy and alive and I surrendered to the moment. Maybe he was right. Maybe this _was_ fate. Maybe it was always supposed to lead to this. He caught my gaze again, just as I gasped softly, needing him closer, wanting him right were he was, right at that moment.

"...here."

And Embry kissed me.

* * *

**A/N: I don't think I have anything to say about this one. I hope you liked it. Any questions, please ask, and let me know what you think. :)**


	24. Starry Eyed

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended_

**A/N: Have you read my Leah/Paul outtake? It sheds a little light on what's been going on for the world's most awkward couple, and is probably better read before this chapter. Let me know what you thought of it. :)**

**Suggested Listening: Fade by The Narrative, Three Rounds and a Sound by Blind Pilot, And Then You by Greg Laswell, Creep by Ingrid Michaelson, Beautiful Freak by Eels, Starry-Eyed (Acoustic) by Ellie Goulding.**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Starry-Eyed**_  
_

_So we burst into colors, colors and carousels,_

_Fall head first like paper planes in playground games_

_Next thing we're touching_  
_You look at me it's like you hit me with lightning_

_Oh, everybody's starry-eyed_  
_And everybody glows_  
_Oh, everybody's starry-eyed_  
_And my body goes_  
_Whoa_

It was like every knot in my stomach, each clenched muscle and frayed nerve was loosened. With Embry's lips moving over my own, the warm plumes of his breath mingling with mine and the slight stubble of his chin teasing my skin, I let go. I let him take control of it, of the moment, and with it, the worry and self-doubt that had plagued me in his absence filtered away. He was here – for _me – _and after everything I'd said, the risks I'd taken confessing my new feelings for him and finally spilling the secrets I thought I'd never share, he was still around, offering a strong shoulder to hold the weight I'd been struggling with for far too long.

My hands wound into his hair automatically, finding that they were drawn to its softness and the comfort I'd realised I drew from it. It was strange, but it was almost involuntary how my fingers raked over his scalp, and I knew it was something I'd been wanting, no, _needing _to do for a while now. I could have laughed out loud at the thought that I _really _loved his hair. It was among the many physical traits about him I'd begun to notice – and shit, if I was honest, become_ attracted to_. He'd never quite worn it cut to his scalp, still retaining that tiny smidgeon of individuality when everything else had been torn away, and it was always instantly distinguishable when he was hanging out among his brothers. When I saw that dishevelled, outgrown cut from a distance, I knew he was there. It was how it had always been. Those butterflies doing barrel-rolls in my stomach, though? Those were brand new.

Tugging on a small handful, I felt the intake of Embry's breath ghost over my lips, and his grip on my waist tightened minutely. He _liked_ it. I think those damn butterflies were on acid, or something, because each tremble of my abdominal muscles was sending signals straight up to my face, erupting in a smile only curtailed by the possession of Embry's lips.

It was only as his hand moved to my back, sweeping slowly over my shoulder blades that the echoes of the preceding conversation seeped back into my mind.

"_It's not all you_."

"_I've felt this way about you for so long..."_

The warmth of his touch was on my neck now, fingers twining with the hair at the back of my head as he cupped my skull, deepening the embrace with care and reverence.

"_I remember when I first started falling for you..."_

"_These last few weeks...It's been the best time of my life..."_

I realised that this wasn't a kiss shared between lovers, nor was it one between friends. It wasn't an experiment, to see how well we fit, and it wasn't something to pass the time, just because our hormones ruled more than we'd like to admit. Right around the time Embry pulled away to sweep a thumb over my temple, and smile into my eyes – and just before he brushed my lips a second time with his – I realised that this kiss, this flip-your-stomach, fog-your-brain kiss wasn't what I'd anticipated, at all. He was _tasting_ me. He was committing me to memory, because he wasn't completely sure he'd get another chance. Embry was revelling in the moment because he'd wanted this almost as long as I'd known him, and this was what he'd dared to wait for, letting his hopes climb ever-higher while I obliviously, and carelessly, let him put cracks in the walls around me. Embry's heart was resting on this kiss, and I was letting it. I hated myself for craving this closeness too much to pull away, because no matter how many fissures he'd put in my shell, there was a terror flowing through me that said I couldn't let him fully inside.

The regret set in almost as quick as the exhilaration, only it was much stronger, and it almost tore me in half. If affection was the butterflies in my stomach, then guilt was a fucking hurricane.

There was still so much in the way, and I'd only begun to acknowledge how the feeling of his hand in mine, the quiet command of his voice or his heartbreaking smile truly affected me. I was kissing him, and letting him revel in a personal victory I couldn't be sure that he'd won.

I pulled away regretfully, my fingertips automatically moving to my lips to somehow make up for the absence of his, but it was a poor substitute. My eyes fell downward guiltily, and I rested my forehead on his shoulder, willing my racing heart and the protests from my body to die down.

I felt a warm exhale bloom over my head, his chest rising and falling with the exertion, before he pressed his lips into my scalp, mumbling into my hair.

"Too soon?" he said with an air of resignation. His hands were still enveloping my body, and I selfishly allowed the last vestige of contact between us, because although I was strong enough to pull away, I wasn't strong enough to let go.

I nodded into the corded muscles by his clavicle, my breath leaving a hot, damp shadow on his shirt and my eyes falling closed in self-beration. "I'm sorry... it's all still new for me," I explained, knowing the excuse was flimsy.

"Hey, it's new for me too, despite what I said," he replied softly, and I lifted my head to look at him. He still hadn't stopped smiling. "I've wanted to be with you for a long time... but _this_..." His eyes flitted between my own, searching my gaze for the same sureness that were in his. "I never thought you'd-" He stopped, shaking his head as his hand moved to smooth my hair back from my face. I don't think I could have even stopped myself from leaning into his palm if I'd tried.

He looked down, eyes closing. "I feel like I'm dreaming."

The words were so heartfelt, so full of innocent, blind hope that I could barely stand it. I turned my head away again, resting my cheek back on his shoulder and aiming my face to the front of the truck. "And that's why it's too soon," I said, my voice barely holding any weight.

"Because you don't feel the same?" he said. There was that resignation again. I didn't want to hear him speak that way, but I couldn't find it in me to disagree, not when I wasn't sure I should. I didn't know _how _I felt. Knowing how much I needed him, and realising what he meant to me was one thing, but finding out that he'd felt the same, yet more, had thrown me for a loop. I'd fully expected a sympathetic smile and smug apology from him for being so damn _amazing._

"I don't know."

There was a movement from him that I assumed was a nod, and he let out a short sigh. "Okay. So you don't know yet, and that's fine... I'm not expecting a promise ring here, Bella. Just an assurance that you won't shut me out again. I just need to know that you're still thinking about it, not closing the door on what we could have because of what – _who_- I am."

And there it was. The one thing I was too afraid to admit out loud since he'd made the revelation of his own; the fact that I'd been here before, with someone who had hurt me so intensely, I still wasn't completely over it. More than anything, I wanted to explore this, and I wanted to give myself the freedom to take the risk, but the still-reddened scars on my heart were the constant reminder that I'd only just put myself back together, and I didn't know if I'd be able to do it again. I lifted my head once more to look at him, still amazed by how easy he was making this, when it felt like the hardest thing not to just forget about it all and surrender to his kisses.

"So we'll focus on the things we _can_ work with," he said with resolve, watching my expression. "Tell me about Paul, and about Leah. Wait, wasn't he supposed to be guarding you today?"

I nodded, feeling guilty for encouraging the very relationship I wasn't sure had a future. "I wanted to be alone, so I sent him to go see Leah."

Embry watched me, not commenting on the fact that I _wasn't _alone right now, and maybe I'd just been selective about which wolf I really wanted to spend my time with. "Okay... just checking."

He moved to sit cross-legged on the bed of the truck, setting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands. I took a deep breath and followed suit, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear, wondering where to begin. Steeling my jaw, I thought obliquely how everything I'd told him today had been one disaster after another, yet now he was asking for more, in the vain hope that he could offer the slightest help. How did I deserve this?

"So Paul and Leah, they're..." I hesitated, not sure if I was betraying a huge confidence for both of them.

"Together," he finished.

"You know?"

A nod. "Yeah. Leah came to see me when you started shutting her out, I guess trying to figure out why. She told me about _them._" He said it like it was a dirty word, like he still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that they were seeing each other, never mind that she'd told him.

"You think it's a bad idea?" I surmised. I could imagine why – Leah was the poster girl for fate's sense of humour.

He shrugged, running his thumbs over one another as he thought. "I can't see it ending well – but not for the reasons you're thinking." He didn't say it out loud, but it felt like the word 'Imprint' was being written in the air around us, everywhere I looked.

"They're both pretty messed up individuals, and when you can see inside someone else's brain, all the things they think about you but are too polite to say, it kinda fucks with your trust. Imagine knowing that all the flaws you tried to hide were not only still on display, but the one person who should see past them, notices them too?"

I watched his hands, thinking over his words – it sounded like hell, no matter how confident you were.

"Not only that, but it's kind of common courtesy that couples_ don't _talk about how hot someone else is – can you really see Paul going celibate, not checking out every girl he sees? And Leah's going to have to see that, in hi-def, all the time."

"She seems to think it's a casual thing," I defended, wishing that for once, something would work out for someone I knew when it wasn't pre-destined. "Maybe she won't care that much."

Embry cocked a sceptical brow. "And you believe that?"

I pressed my lips together, wishing I could say yes, but truthfully, I couldn't. It didn't matter; Embry seemed to read my face like a map, as always, and he knew it was just fleeting hope on the behalf of a friend. Even in the brief visits I'd had from her, Leah seemed lighter, less quick to snap, and talked with an air of hope for the first time since I'd known her.

"Bella, we all kinda run with the dial turned up to eleven. Emotions, thought-processes, instincts – everything's gone from greyscale to technicolour, and _they're_ mutliplying that by two. Even our friendships are more like brotherly bonds." He licked his lips, his eyes narrowing at the stupidity of it all. "And they want to try being fuckbuddies?" He shook his head. "It's not gonna work."

"You mean they're inevitably going to give in and _try _to become a proper couple?" I said, wishing I could be hopeful, but with what I knew, all I felt was dread.

He nodded. "I mean they're going to fall hopelessly in love with each other, and it'll either be the best thing that ever happened to either of them, or they'll both be destroyed in the process."

Pressing the heels of my hands into my eyes, I gave out a grunt of frustration. "If I'd know how many lives I'd change by going back, I might have thought a little harder before doing it," I said regretfully.

I felt a warm squeeze to my shoulder. "You did it for the right reasons, no-one can blame you for that."

I looked at him gratefully, leaning an elbow on my knee and propping up my head. "I can't get my head wrapped around the fact that you believe me," I said.

He shrugged. "You believed in _me_. If someone had told me a year ago that werewolves actually existed I'd have laughed in their face. I'm not arrogant enough to assume I know everything." I smiled – viewing things from his point of view always made it seem so simple. "Not everyone will believe you, though," he said warningly, chewing his lip as he thought about it. "So it might not be a great idea to go spilling this unless you have to."

I nodded. "Believe me, telling _you _was hard enough. And I don't even know if I can prove it."

"You think you might have lost your juice?" he asked.

"No idea, but I've learned to control my regret to a degree where there's no more accidents. I just don't want to go poking around and mess up something else," I replied.

"Probably a smart idea," he agreed. "A heartbroken Leah and Paul might be more than anyone can handle. That's probably going to be the most likely outcome, after all."

I trained my eyes on my lap, knowing how right he was, and that I was sitting on vital insight that proved it.

"I know which it's going to be," I said hoarsely, my chest constricting with hurt for Leah and Paul and the unfairness of the world they lived in. Embry nodded solemnly in agreement, misunderstanding how sure I was.

"No, Em, I _know._"

He studied me for a moment, before finally realising what I was getting at. "You saw something? Are you sure?"

"It was pretty unmistakeable," I said woefully, willing the image of Paul following who I instinctively knew to be Rachel Black around like a faithful pup out of my mind's eye.

"Which one?" he said, his voice quieter than it had been all evening.

"Paul."

Embry released a breath through his teeth, wincing in sympathy for Leah, who, once again, was about to fall victim to a curse masquerading as a blessing. "Fuck."

My mouth quirked, a slow nod teetering as I looked into his eyes again. "That was pretty much my reaction too."

He stared off thoughtfully into the trees, seeing much more than I could in the darkness of the forest for a long moment. "So you have to tell her."

"I don't know yet."

His eyes shot to mine and he frowned. "How can you not _know_? You should have told her as soon as you saw it.." his tone was outraged, and I knew the protective instinct he had for one of his Pack, for _Leah_ was responsible for the look of disappointment in his eye. I hated that he was looking at me this way, but I understood - he didn't have all the facts.

"It's not that simple... it's a possibility, sure, but not everything from _before _is the same as it is here."

His muscles unclenched as he looked at me, mouth agape with the last of his frustration. "Like what?"

"Like Quil..." I looked off to the side, pondering the two pathways our friend had gone down. Quil was a pain in the ass, but no part of me had any doubt that he was better with his free will – even if he did use it to service his own needs and be a pest most of the time.

Embry was rueful, the dimples I'd noticed-but-never-acknowledged making a grand entrance while he spoke. "Don't tell me, he's some kind of rocket scientist in the other universe? Adopts sick animals and feeds the homeless? He's invited to the next UN Peace Conference and only sleeps with chicks from MENSA?"

I couldn't help but smile at his attempt to lighten the mood, shaking my head. "Not exactly." I focused on him again, "Remember the bake sale? What we all talked about that day, outside?"

"I remember some weird theories..." he recalled, eyes narrowing like all those ridiculous-looking models did in an attempt to look intense and sexy. Embry didn't have to try very hard. "About imprinting?"

Nodding, I encouraged, "A particularly messed up kind of imprinting."

His gaze widened. "On- Quil? He imprinted on a _kid_?" His teeth were bared in a half-disgusted grimace, still visible despite the darkness against the contrast of his skin.

I gave him a pained smile. "It was kind of sweet, in a completely fucked-up kind of way."

"Wait, he told me you... was it Seth's cousin? Emily's niece?" His voice rose in shock, and the muscles in his brow puckered in an disbelieving smile. I nodded slowly, pressing my lips together to keep my own expression even.

The resulting laugh that came from Embry caused several birds to flee the surrounding trees, as he covered his eyes with one hand, gasping for breath. "Oh man, that is-" he gulped down another laugh, "Poor Quil, only something that fucked up would happen to him!"

"Em, stop laughing!" I scolded, fighting my own grin. It wasn't right, but damn if that smile wasn't infectious. With a frown of recollection, I was almost at the point of shuddering. "It was really weird."

"I'll bet," he chuckled. "I can just imagine, he's hunched around a teeny pink table playing dolly-tea-party with a flower in his hair." A loud, throaty laugh boomed out again, and Embry had to wipe a stray tear from his eye. "_More crumpets, Miss Penelope?_" he squeaked in an accent that was telling of how much time he'd spent watching British TV. His eyes were animated and bright, an open invitation to join in on the joke.

Once again, he collapsed in a fit of amused guffaws. I batted his arm in reprimand, but my own shoulders were jerking despite myself. "You are a terrible person," I said, voice breaking with mirth. "He wasn't himself anymore, it wasn't funny."

This seemed to sober him up slightly, as his breath came back and he settled back into position in front of me. "I know, it probably sucked, but hey, it didn't happen here, so it's okay to make fun of it." The resulting grin was mischievous, and I I wondered if he'd wake up tomorrow with an ache in his cheeks.

"You made fun of it _there _too," I lectured, recalling the handful of times I'd actually spent around Quil and the Pack after his imprint. There was a constant barrage of Barbie jokes, allusions to kindergarten, and the general consensus that Claire and Quil were on the same maturity level. It was relentless.

Embry shrugged. "You gotta make the best of a bad situation." He took my hand meaningfully, smile softening as he studied he mine nestled in his large palm; smooth against rough, fragile upon robust.

A long, wordless moment passed between us, where my mind drifted back to what we _weren't _discussing, and my eyes raked over the boy-who-wasn't-a-boy, sitting patiently amidst my lunacy and just hoping I'd feel what he did. It made my heart throb.

He cleared his throat, blinking away the look of contentment that had settled over his features. "So that's why you haven't told Leah?"

I nodded, allowing him to pull me back into the conversation. "I couldn't bring myself to end things with her and Paul when I can't even be sure that I even _should._"

He worried his lip for a beat, staring off at nothing as he realised my predicament. "I see what you mean." His far-off look focused on me again. "What's happening between them is fragile enough as it is, and if you rock the boat now, even if it's for nothing, they might never recover."

I watched his mouth as he talked, wondering how I could have gone so long without telling him, and having my own indecisions validated. A lightness in my chest was settling, and though there was still so much more ground to cover, it was like a spotlight had been shone on him, highlighting everything wonderful and comforting about having him in my life, all at once. On top of that, I was finding that the absence of expectation on his part was having the opposite effect, and all I wanted to do was taste his lips again.

As if reading my thoughts, he leaned in and laid a soft, mischievous kiss on my mouth. He had the sense to look slightly guilty before pressing his lips tight together and shaking his head sheepishly. I sent him a pained look, wondering how he expected me to stay on subject when he was doing _that._

"Yeah, I know, I'm veering off-topic... just, don't expect me to stop kissing you, now that I know what it's like."

Casting my eyes down, I smiled, not finding it in me to want to protest. How could I have gone from being afraid and confused by my budding feelings for him to _needing_ the closeness and bodily contact he was now showing me? As if I'd been struck by an electrical charge, each nerve in my body was alerted to the possibility of feeling his skin on mine again. Maybe I wasn't sure how I could feel about him, but we certainly weren't just friends anymore.

"I don't expect it at all," I said softly, watching the slow smile dawning over his face. He cleared his throat.

"Well, _good._"

"Great."

"Fine."

"Awesome."

He channelled a shared joke from our shared bonding experience, something only _I'd_ get. "_Fantastic."_

I grinned, huffing out a soft laugh of acknowledgement as he smiled proudly, raising his brows to speak again.

"_Brill-_"

I silenced him this time, grabbing his head with both hands and planting an urgent kiss on his gaping mouth. His comically ruffled hair and dazed expression elicited a giggle as I released his cheeks, and my bravado filtered away as I tore my gaze off him.

"I think I like it more when you do it," he smirked, watching the flush of crimson bloom over my cheeks.

"I needed to get you back to the point," I explained innocently, my mouth curving in feigned nonchalance.

"Oh, well, I apologise," he muttered sarcastically. "Excuse me for doing an internal happy-dance."

"I like it when you dance,"I smiled, recalling opening my door to find him showcasing his 'moves' on the front porch.

His brow crinkled in confusion, before smoothing out as recognition set in. "Oh, _that,_" he said disdainfully, "You weren't exactly supposed to see that, plus it was extenuating circumstances."

"Oh really?" I asked amusedly.

He nodded, "That was my '_Bella-invited-me-over'_ dance. Totally a once-off."

"That's too bad," I teased, feeling light-headed and flattered and like none of this was truly happening. "I nicknamed it the Embry Shuffle. Sucks to know I'll never see it again."

He dipped his head at that, looking back up at me with amusement. "Maybe you could get me drunk or something. After a few shots I start getting easily-persuaded and slutty."

I laughed, lifting my chin and letting the freeness fill me up and burst out my throat. How did I stay cut off for so long? How had I willingly missed out on _this?_ "I'll have to remember that. What would it take, now, a half-gallon of absinthe or something?"

He leaned back on the side of the truck, propping his elbows and smiled at me. _Really _smiled. "You'd be surprised what our experiments have revealed."

Squinting, I took in the enigmatic look in his eye. _"'Our', _meaning you and Quil?_" _His grin widened, the response a confirmation of my suspicions, and I held up a halting hand. "I don't want to know."

"Probably for the best," he shrugged, pulling a hand up to ruffle through the back of his hair. If not for the filtering of moonlight through the trees, I wouldn't have seen how his gaze lingered on me, or how the impish grin grew soft and easy, allowing the kindness ever-present in his eyes to shine through.

We were stalling, though, allowing the new honesty between us distract from everything else screaming for attention. I needed to figure out how I felt. I needed to figure out what to do, I needed to find a way to stop Victoria before she rained down hell on us all and I needed to step outside the bubble Embry was creating for me. As if reading my thoughts, he sighed, chewing on his tongue for a beat.

"So what are we gonna do about Leah?" he asked quietly, not wanting to confront things any more than I did.

I shrugged, shaking my head as I picked at the stitching in my jeans. Embry watched me for a second, before hanging his head back over the side of the truck bed, arms outstretched.

"And can you be sure he'll even meet this girl?"

"Positive," I replied, nodding to my lap.

"How positive?"

"It's Rachel Black."

His head shot up so fast I was pretty sure he gave himself vertigo. "Jake's sister?!"

I held out my hands,, wishing there was some way I could say 'No', but helpless against the truth. "It's what I saw."

Embry leaned forward, letting his head drop into his hands and started muttering. "This is bad, so very _fucking _bad."

"So now you see the problem," I said apologetically.

"No, Bella, it's not just _that..." _He lifet his head again, looking towards the sky for some sort of guidance. "I mean yeah, it's fucking terrible, and Jake will grind Paul into paste if he goes near Rachel..."

"Well what else is going on?" I asked, almost afraid to hear the next blow.

"Well, let's just say you were right about being sure they'd meet," he said, brow puckering sorrowfully. He ran one hand over the opposite cheek, the noise of his day-old stubble barely-discernable above his sigh. He looked me in the eye and shook his head in disbelief at how messed up it all was.

"Rachel's coming to visit in two weeks."

* * *

**A/N: Phew, I can't remember the last time a chapter was just one scene! I hope it wasn't boring, but these guys had a lot to talk about. **

**This chapter was for Meliz875, who was busy getting married as I wrote the second half of this. Congrats sweetie! Hope the Bella/Embry fluff is a nice post-wedding present :)**

**So what do you think's going to happen when Rachel comes?**


	25. The Corruption of Bella Swan

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Suggested Listening: Yellow Light by Of Monsters and Men, Fade by The Narrative, Demons by Imagine Dragons (Seriously, this song gave me so many Embry feels.)**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Five: The Corruption of Bella Swan**

_I want to hide the truth,  
I want to shelter you,  
But with the beast inside.  
There's nowhere we can hide.  
_

_Don't want to let you down,  
But I am hell bound.  
Though this is all for you,  
Don't want to hide the truth._

_Your eyes, they shine so bright.  
I want to save their light.  
I can't escape this now,  
Unless you show me how._

_When you feel my heat,  
Look into my eyes,  
It's where my demons hide,  
It's where my demons hide.  
Don't get too close,  
It's dark inside,  
It's where my demons hide._

"Yeah, yeah I know, man. Just letting you know I'm taking over okay?"

"_That's fine, but haven't you been doing that a lot lately?"_

Embry turned his head; phone still pressed to his ear and looked at me meaningfully. With my eyes trained through the windshield, I could still feel the heat of his stare burned into my cheek. Everything about him was _heat _now.

"I don't mind, dude – I'm free and easy from other obligations. Besides, we get along fine." There was a pause, before I heard Jacob clear his throat on the other end of the line. We were parked outside my house, the faint glow of the television flickering through the living room window.

"_Yeah, you always did. Can I assume she's not so quick to tear everyone who tries to talk to her a new one these days?"_

I frowned petulantly at the unintentional insult, glaring at the phone while Embry stifled a laugh. He took one look at my face and said, "Kinda, but I think _you _still might be a special case in that regard."

I raised my eyebrows, nodding as Embry's smile bloomed over his features, the knuckle of his free hand making contact with his teeth to keep from laughing.

"_Probably,_" Jacob replied, unaware that I could hear everything he was saying in the confines of my truck. "_Let me know if that changes any time soon, okay?_"

I rolled my eyes and looked away in annoyance. After what I'd seen today, I should be the last thing on Jacob's mind – at least I wanted to be, now. Hearing him still so invested in my opinion of him made wounds that were better remained untouched throb. If I believed he was better off here, although clearly it wasn't at my side, it dulled the pain a little. My discomfort at hearing his voice through a phone was just proof that I wasn't ready to slip back into his life like I was never torn out of it in the first place.

"Will do," Embry nodded, before raising an eyebrow at me. "Hey, isn't your sister coming to visit soon?"

"_Um..."_ Jacob responded, confused that the left-field change of subject. "_Yeah, two weeks, I think, why?_"

"Just wondering how you're going to explain how the last time she saw us we were a bunch of kids, and now we look like the starting line-up for the Seahawks," he explained smoothly.

Jacob sighed. _"Yeah, that'll be fun. I don't know, I guess we'll have to tell her _something_."_ There was another pause. _"I thought you were asking 'cause of that crush you had on her in Junior High..." _I could detect the smile in his voice from here.

Embry looked at me nervously and scrubbed a hand over his forehead, avoiding my smiling gaze. "Nah, man, she's too much woman for me."

Jacob laughed heartily, and something inside me winced – it'd been a long time since I heard that for myself. I covered it up with a smirk, while Embry clenched a fist at the phone – no doubt frustrated that Jacob was ruining his 'game'.

"_Yeah, you're probably right. Gotta watch out for those older ladies, they're kinda irresistible," _he teased.

Embry looked at me then, letting his eyes roam over me languidly and smirked. "Damn right, dude." I fought the flattered smile teasing at my mouth and looked back towards the house. "Anyway, I should probably go. Supposed to be on the clock, remember?"

"_Cool, yeah._ _Just take care of her, alright? The red-head's been lying low these past two weeks, and I don't like it._"

Embry sobered up as a chill ran through me, his eyes flitting around the immediate area as he nodded. "Yeah, me neither. Don't worry, I'm on it." He pushed his hair back from his face and cleared his throat. "Enjoy the rest of the bonfire, last night of freedom and all."

"_I will, man. And thanks, you know, for doing this." _

Embry looked to me again, watching my face in the low light. "Don't mention it. Really."

He stuffed the phone back in his pocket, leaning an arm on the side of the truck and blew a breath out wearily. "Well, there's our answer," he said as I pressed my head back against the seat.

"So do we tell them?"

He shook his head, shrugging. "It's tough, I mean, it's two weeks, and they're not exactly head-over-heels for each other yet."

"So if it does happen, it's not like it's going to be devastating since they're not exactly together..." I mused, hoping I was right. It wasn't exactly concrete, but the other option didn't seem so attractive either.

Embry nodded. "And if we tell them, we have to tell them _everything."_

My eyes widened in dread, imagining how that would go down. "I can't-" I sighed, scrambling for a legitimate reason to protect my secret. I didn't want them to know; I hadn't wanted _anyone _to know and now Embry did. It was only because of his open mind that I'd come out of it better off. "We could come up with another explanation?" I hedged.

Embry gave me a sympathetic look. "I can see _that _going well._ 'Bella's been reading Tarot cards and she saw Paul's future... maybe... if we're really unlucky.'" _He shook his head. "There's no way they'd buy it without the truth." He looked me over, seeing how my body stiffened, my breath coming short and my lip becoming all the more chapped with nervous chewing. His gaze softened. "This is _your _secret, I'm not going to go spilling it without your say-so."

I nodded gratefully, still wondering how I could fix this or give ample warning without sounding like a raving lunatic. Embry was still pondering aloud, seeing more reasons to keep it to ourselves for long as possible - to protect me. "Not to mention, this is the first time Paul's been anything but a complete dick for once in his life. He deserves a chance too."

It was selfish, but the relief I felt at not having to put myself on display, and tell them all my unbelievable secrets so they could think I was crazy was palpable – but I couldn't make this decision based on how it would affect me. If someone could have warned Leah the first time, I had no doubt in my mind that they would have. It was my duty as a friend, no, as a _human being _to do all I cold to stop her getting hurt.

"So we let him decide."

Embry looked at me like I'd grown an extra head. "Are you kidding? Major decisions should not be left up to someone whose last big choice was 'Ribbed' or 'Bareskin'," he said exasperatedly, shaking his head. "No, Leah knows the risks, something tells me it'll be a long time before she lets her guard down enough to really get hurt again." He looked resolute, and part of me wanted so very badly to give in and let this whole thing blow over.

"Embry, you're no more sure of this than I am," I accused, my face breaking in a sympathetic smile.

"What if he chooses wrong, Bella? What if he fucks it up without even realising it?" he said, watching the flight of a stray leaf across the glass. There was thought behind his words, a seed of doubt that I didn't think was just for Paul.

"Then he chooses wrong. At least we'll have given him the choice. If he wants her like he says he does, he'll do the right thing." Maybe it would be different for them. Maybe whatever I didn't have, whatever it was that made Jacob turn away so easily was something Leah possessed. Maybe if he knew what he'd be up against before going into battle, Paul would have a fighting chance of getting through it, and being with someone _he _chose.

Embry studied me again, each time looking like he'd gathered another piece of a puzzle to make up a larger image. I liked that – I _wanted _him to know me._  
_

"You really believe that?"

"I want to," I said, meaning it with all that I had. "I've seen a different side to Paul, and this isn't a whim for him. If anyone's worth fighting for, it's Leah. He knows it."

"Now who's got faith, huh?" he said, voice cracking wearily.

"Sometimes you have to, because if you don't, you're going to see the worst in everyone, and well, that sucks," I smirked.

He smiled softly. "Give me a heads-up if that faith runs out, 'kay?" he said, and I wasn't so sure we were talking about Paul anymore.

I nodded. "I will," I said, hoping that whatever way things turned out, it wouldn't crumble and take whatever _this _was right down with it, not before I'd had a chance to explore how amazing it could be. "I, uh, better get inside. Told Charlie I was going for a drive, and that was five hours ago."

Embry nodded. "I'll be outside all night. Howl if you need me," he said with a soft smile.

"Likewise." I moved to get out of the truck, but I couldn't will myself to open the door without doing one last thing. I turned, laying a palm on the side of his face and pressing my lips to his. He was motionless for a second, allowing me to take control before he melted into the embrace. His eyes were still closed when I pulled away, pressing my forehead to his. "Thank you," I whispered.

* * *

"I won't be back in time for dinner, tonight, sweetie. I'll just eat at my desk – order yourself some pizza or something. No sense cooking for one."

"Okay," I responded robotically, still replaying how everything had changed in such a short amount of time. It was all down to one person, and more than anything, I was starting to feel grateful for this - grateful to have the people in my life that were still around, and grateful that I hadn't lost as much as I potentially could have, had I changed my choices even slightly. I looked up from the sink to see Charlie slouched in his chair, mug of coffee rapidly cooling in his hand. Frowning, I wiped my hands on a towel and studied him.

"Dad, are you alright?"

He looked back at me and gave a weary smile. "Sure, Bells, we're just a little short-handed at the moment."

"Yeah? Any particular reason?" I asked, bringing over the coffee pot and topping him up. He thanked me and shook his head.

"Different reasons, nothing for you to worry about darlin'," he said softly, moving to stand as he gulped down his second mug, blowing out a breath to cool his no-doubt overheated mouth. "Oh, and Sue's girl called this morning before you got up. She's kind of a pistol, huh?"

I smiled knowingly, only imagining how Leah came across to those who didn't know her well. It was two days after Embry's and my talk, and I'd finally sent her a grovelling message, apologising for my absence and asking if we could hang out again. I knew I had to talk to Paul soon, but instinctively knew it wouldn't go down well that I'd made contact with him before talking to her. In true Leah fashion, she'd let me stew before getting back to me, choosing to call my house rather than risking another shut-out.

"Yeah, but she's not all bad – a little rough around the edges."

Charlie smiled. "Sue was the same at her age, it's uncanny really," his eyes softened nostalgically as he shrugged on a jacket. "Anyway, she said she'd be here today at noon, and you better not be busy or still sleepin' or she'll hunt you down like a she-wolf."

With a sigh of resignation, I nodded, smiling. "Alright, thanks."

He poured the rest of his coffee down the sink, zipping up his jacket and kissed me on the forehead. "Nice to see you livin' again, Bells."

I watched him leave for the door, knowing that even though he was stressed and tired, it was better than the alternative, in every way. "You too, Dad."

* * *

Leah sniffed me obnoxiously as I opened the door. "Can I help you?" I said, reeling back from her looming figure.

"Just checking you're not a leech... usually when people disappear for so long it means they're dead, yet here you are, walking and talking," she retorted. I rolled my eyes, closing the door behind her and followed her into the kitchen, where she was already scoping out the fridge.

"I guess I deserve that," I muttered, watching her drain a carton of orange juice as I leaned on the back of a chair.

She looked at me pointedly and raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, you do. How come Emo-bry can pull you out of a funk yet your old pal Leah can't?"

"It's complicated," I said, not wanting to divulge something more.

Leah snorted and walked past me back into the living room. I guess I missed the part where she _lived _ here now. "When isn't it with you, Swan?" She flopped down on the couch, toeing off her Converse and settled into the cushions. "Fine, you don't want to do Feelings Hour, no protests here," she said, before wrinkling her nose. "This place smells like him you know. In fact, so do _you_."

She looked at me accusingly and I turned away, recalling how he'd scaled the tree outside my window two nights ago purely to lean in my window and give me a goodnight kiss. I had no idea where things were headed with us, and part of that scared the crap out of me, but I chose to enjoy the journey. The flip of my stomach and the stutter of my heart each time I recalled how his kisses took my breath away did nothing to dispel the feelings I was discovering in myself.

"We've been hanging out a lot," I defended, moving to pick up and smooth out a pillow on Charlie's recliner before sitting down. Leah didn't leave much room for anyone else when she was sprawled like this.

"Mm-hmm," Leah said, flicking though Charlie's dog-eared copy of _Fly Fish America_. "You know, when you started giving me the cold shoulder, I thought maybe you had a thing for Paul, and you were jealous."

My eyes widened before I collapsed in a splutter of hoarse laughter, pulling the pillow over my face as I tried to regain composure.

"Yeah, I see now how ridiculous that was. _He's _not the wolf you're interested in," she said, eyeing me over the top of the magazine. I sobered up in surprise; Embry and I had barely been _whatever we were _for forty-eight hours and already it was getting out to the Pack?

"Oh don't worry," she said dismissively, "He didn't go telling everyone how you're now touching each other's delicates. I'm just an intuitive and empathetic person," she said proudly, before rolling her eyes. "Plus he's been strutting around singing _You Shook Me All Night Long_ constantly for the past two days, like a fucking eighties movie cliché."

"We're not-" I blushed, too embarrassed to finish the sentence. Leah looked quizzical, but somehow believed me.

"Hmm...Okay, so you're _not_ doing the horizontal tango, but it won't be long. Pheromones are a powerful thing, and you smell like you soaked naked, in a tub filled with the sweat of thirty loose-moralled strippers, at the mere _mention_ of his name."

The cushion was back over my face again, but this time it was to try and hide the deep scarlet staining my sheets "Oh God..."

"Don't be ashamed, Swan. It's not like you can help it. Just think pure thoughts, okay? Abstinence isn't easy, and neither are you."

I glared at her over the top of the pillow, watching the devilish amusement in her eyes. "I haven't even thought about- It's not like we're... _Really?_"

She gave me a condescending look and sighed. "Embry's a guy, with guy parts and hormones three times more potent than other dudes his age. Plus, there's the fact that he's been pining after you for a while now, and probably can't believe his own luck. I'm telling you, if he hasn't let his paws roam at least once, he's going for sainthood."

"You knew?" I said, surprised. I'd gotten the impression that Embry's feelings for me had been top-secret.

"_Please_, I've known since the night he showed up at the club like a freakin' hairy Prince Charming, all_ 'I'm here to protect m'lady_' and shit. He did _not _need to come all coiffed up like an Abercrombie mannequin."

"I assumed that was to get past the bouncers," I mused, and Leah scoffed at my ignorance.

"Sweetheart, we're _wolves. _If we want to sneak in somewhere unnoticed and remain unseen, it's not that hard. Whether subconsciously or not, the dude was there to spend time with you."

"I seem to remember you leaving us for most of that night," I said suspiciously. "If you're so against it now, why did you let us spend so much time alone?"

"Because I needed to get a little somin' somin' of my own, and I didn't think there was any way in hell you'd actually consider anything more than bumping uglies with him. You could both stand to get a little action."

"And now?"

"Now, I can hear the way your little-Bella-heart pitter-patters just because we're _talking _about him. You're in deeper than you even realise."

The statement startled me, but I found that instead of being scared, as Leah intended, I was more surprised at my ability to _let _myself start to feel this way about someone again. "Is there any harm in seeing how it goes?" I asked hesitantly.

Leah scoffed. "It's your funeral, just don't say I didn't warn you - _again. _Just do me a favour this time?" I frowned, wondering where she was going with this. "Unshackle the chastity belt and have a little fun. At the very least then you won't go to college a virgin. Don't worry, Em won't take much persuading." She smiled mischievously, and I got the distinct feeling she was trying to scare me off of him. "Unless that betrays your fairy-princess morals or some shit. You'd probably have a seizure if you saw what goes through their minds sometimes, you precious Embry-bear included."

I sighed. "I know what teenage guys are like, Leah, I'm not a complete prude," I said defensively, my blush turning to one of flattery that someone like Embry could possibly be thinking of me _that way. _I hoped that whatever I looked like in his imagination wasn't too hard to live up to.

_Wait! Where did _that _come from? _Now _I _was thinking about Embry and I... doing _things_? He was right – Leah really was a bad influence.

"I just mean... should I really be thinking about this already?" I asked, growing all the more nervous for her answer. "It's been two days, and it's still all so _new._"

Leah threw the magazine behind her, narrowly missing a stained-glass lamp still left over from the days when Renee had free reign on the décor, and sat up. The opportunity to frighten some 'sense' into me much too good to pass up. "Swan, you're practically lit up like a neon sign. If you guys are going to keep this on the down-low, you're going to have to keep that shit in check. And shower. A lot."

The urge to run upstairs and change my clothes was rising, but Leah wasn't done. "Remember, that's _only_ if you don't suddenly grow some common sense and realise what a completely stupid idea this is."

I frowned in annoyance – pot, kettle, black, anyone? "Says the girl who's humping Paul like you're going for a world record," I retorted, but instead of being insulted, Leah threw her head back and laughed.

"Oh man, it always gets me when you talk like that!" she chortled, throwing a hand over her nose and practically convulsing.

"Hey, it's true, isn't it?" I bristled. "I'm not the only one in this room revisiting old territory."

Her face straightened as she shook her head. "When will you people get it? It's _just sex. _I can handle this because I'm not stupid enough to get caught up in the whole thing. _You_, on the other hand... did you even hesitate before you gave Call free access to your lovelies?"

"Of course I did," I replied petulantly, not bothering to correct her this time.

"And?" she demanded, becoming like a disappointed mother and a weary school teacher all at once.

"And I haven't... there's a lot going on, okay? We're just seeing what happens right now."

"In other words, you're both sticking your fingers in your ears and singing _Puppy Love_ to drown out the six-foot-seven warning sign that's telling you what an extremely _bad _idea this is. Talk about thinking with your privates."

She was probably right, but the hypocrisy was grating on my last nerve. Still, I couldn't prod too much before I'd told Paul what he needed to know, and before D-day came in two weeks: Rachel's arrival. Getting Leah to realise her potential feelings was just a recipe for disaster.

"So Miss Know-It-All, what do _you_ think I should be doing?"

"I think you need to get out of this damn town for a start. You're still human, Bella. Your options aren't limited to those who don't age."

"Like yours are?" I asked, expecting her to disagree.

"Do you think I'd be doing this with Paul if normal guys could handle me? They can't, and I shouldn't have to change or hold back just to be with someone. Paul - despite his many, varied shortcomings, he _gets _me, and I don't have to lie."

"You think I should try dating a human? Believe it or not, it's not exactly easy for me to be honest either. I have secrets of my own, and he knows them all."

"I get it, believe me, but it's not a dead-end for you. I think you should try dating _anyone _who isn't Pack_ - _who isn't_ Embry -_ right now."

I studied my hands, realising the answer was glaring, coming more easily than it should have at this stage - but if I could be honest about this with anyone, it was Leah.

"But I don't want anyone else," I said, my voice more quiet than before. Leah sighed, looking genuinely sympathetic for the first time all afternoon.

"That's what I was afraid of," she said. "Come on, I want to show you something."

An hour later, we were armed with tall frappucinos and making our way to, well, I had _no_ idea.

"So what's the huge secret?" I asked, trailing behind Leah as she - for want of a better word, strutted through the gates of a public park.

"We're window-shopping," she replied simply, raising her sunglasses to choose a spot to sit. After spying a free bench, she promptly slumped on to it and crossed her legs, replacing her glasses and bringing the straw to her lips. I followed suit, still none-the-wiser about what the hell we were doing here.

"What for?" I asked, moving to sit cross-legged beside her and balancing my cup on my knee. I regretted wearing these jean-shorts, it was September in Washington, after all. Leah's lips curved, her eyes still shielded by the over-sized shades and she said nothing. Following where I assumed her gaze led, I was met by the sight of eight or nine handsome college-age guys embroiled in a game of touch football. The competition was growing more heated as I watched, and the curious glances thrown towards our bench was a dead-giveaway. They were posturing for our - or probably more likely Leah's - benefit.

"Emily and I would sometimes arrange to ditch school for a day the first week of semester, come here, and just bask in the glory that is the College Guy," she explained, raising her hand in a delicate wave. Several were returned with beaming smiles, but Leah just looked barely interested.

"So you brought me here to perve on guys in the hope that I'd realise I wanted to play the field?" I surmised.

"Just reminding you that you have options, Swan," she said innocently.

"What good do _you _get out of this?" I asked. noticing that no matter how well-built and classically handsome these guys were, this didn't hold a candle to the various soccer games I'd watched on the beach at La Push.

Leah scoffed. "When I joined the Pack, I was landed with two exes and a bunch of little brothers. I don't exactly faint when they take their shirts off, or when I see them naked. Mama likes some 'strange'," she replied, poking her tongue through her teeth.

"They're cute, I guess," I sighed, knowing already that her attempt to make me see 'sense' wasn't working.

"They're hot, Bella. Don't pretend like you're blind. I just want you to see that there is life beyond Forks, " she admonished. "Least you can do is look around a little before you let Embry _Take the_ _Skin Boat to Tuna-town_."

I wrinkled my nose. "Are you like, a walking encyclopaedia of euphemisms?" I asked, inwardly shuddering at her latest one. She giggled heartily and shrugged.

"Lets just say Quil and I get bored on Patrol sometimes, and we came up with a game to make the time pass by," she laughed.

"Ugh, I don't want to know," I said, taking a sip of my iced coffee.

"_Spearing the Bearded Clam_ was one," she thought aloud, and I almost covered her in a spray of frappucino. She smiled devilishly and stroked her chin. "_Polishing the Rocket, Squat Jumps in the Cucumber Patch..._"

"Leah!"

"_Burying the Bone.. _That one's pretty appropriate for us, don't you think? _Bush Patrol _was another. _Dancing the Mattress Jig.._"

"Oh fuck, please stop it," I said burying my face in my hands. Leah laughed in satisfaction at thoroughly and embarrassingly grossing me out.

"Jesus, Swan, if you can't even talk about it, you're not ready to do it. Am I corrupting you or something?" She faked a thoughtful look. "Maybe I should warn Embry that he's in for a major case of blue-balls," she taunted.

"I can talk about it fine, but it doesn't have to be so disgusting."

She shrugged. "Guess that's the difference between us again. Sex _should _ be funny, it _should _ be ridiculous. You don't have to tie it up with feelings all the time."

"I guess I'm just not like you," I replied, seeing her point.

"Exactly, which is why I want you to think long and hard before you get into something there's no coming back from." In that moment, I realised what this had all been about. Leah wanted me to live a little, enjoy a freedom and a life she no longer could, because of what she was. I was grateful to her, but she was missing the bigger picture - the message coming through on my phone was proof of that.

_Crap. Got detention for daydreaming my way through a pop-quiz. Don't they get that my life suddenly got 1000x better this week? Damn peasants! I'll show them all! Kneel before Darth Embry! x_

A grin stretched across my face as I looked up from the screen, to the eye-candy littering the grass before us. It still didn't compare, and I didn't think Leah would quite understand that. I _was _ enjoying my freedom, enjoying my second chance at humanity with someone who helped me forget that I was constantly stuck in the middle of a whirlwind of adult problems, and even if those problems weren't going away, he halved them. I knew I had a choice like she was telling me, but if I'd chosen to follow her advice, to cut my losses with Embry while I could and run, I'd spend forever wondering 'what if?', and I owed it to myself not to let that happen.

I owed it to Embry not to let that happen.

Now if I could just silence the screaming doubts in my head, everything would be great.

* * *

**A/N: You guys have no idea how much fun it is to write Leah. Seriously, she's my queen. **

**This chapter goes out to Ruth, my real life Leah Clearwater, who is responsible for some of the euphemisms you read here. I swear, a good 60% of my Leah is based on her.**

**So what do we think about the decision reached by Embry and Bella? Is Embry right to be skeptical? Or is Bella right to have faith in her friend? Let me know!**


	26. Douchebag Delivery

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Suggested Listening: Demons by Imagine Dragons, The Grand Optimist by City and Colour, Three Rounds and a Sound ****by Blind Pilot**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Six: Douchebag Delivery**

"Shut the fuck up and get in there."

"You shove me one more time, Call, and you can wear those pearly-whites on a necklace. It'll really set off that new dress you've been saving up for."

I halted my pacing as their shadows approached the glass on the back door, pretty sure I'd taken a layer of skin off my palms from the desperate wringing that had taken up the past half hour. Embry promised he'd get him here, the rest was up to me.

"What's up your ass today anyway?" he asked over his shoulder, as I swung the door open to reveal a frazzled-looking Embry and his mutinous Pack brother. "Some of us had plans, you know."

"Hey, Bella," Embry said exasperatedly. "Your delivery of douchebag, as promised. No need to sign for it."

Paul tipped his head in greeting before smirking back at him. "Aww, look who sprouted some big-boy hairs on his junk. I knew you could do it!"

I didn't have time for this. Secrets amongst Pack were almost impossible to keep as it was, and I needed this to go as quickly and smoothly as I could. It was already suspicious enough that we'd dragged him away from hanging out with Leah to get here. Our time was running out, and Rachel was due in La Push this very weekend. As I yanked Paul into the kitchen, Embry followed wordlessly, rolling his eyes as he leaned back against the counter-top.

"Jesus, Swan, if you wanted me here that badly, all you had to do was ask," he crooned, letting his eyes rake over my body suggestively.

"Paul," I sighed, "I don't have the luxury of deflecting your misguided come-ons today. Sit." I pulled out a chair and gestured to it rigidly, choosing to stay standing, the need to pace outweighing the weakness in my legs and the churning in my stomach. He looked at both of us and crossed his arms, a guarded look darkening the habitual sneer of self-assuredness.

"Nah, I'm good here, thanks."

A loud sigh was heard from the corner before Embry spoke. "Just do as she says, Ass-hat. Stop dicking around."

Paul's cold glare was Embry's response before he looked at me. "You guys are freaking me out enough as it is. I'm standing."

Blowing out a weary breath, I marched towards him and shakingly reached up to grab a fist-full of his shirt for a mixture of leverage and to hold his attention. "I need to talk to you about Leah, and about how you could potentially screw things up with her forever. Sit the hell down while I figure out how to say this without making you go all Kujo between the oven and the refrigerator," I ordered, tugging on the fabric, and he surprisingly relented. Folding his arms petulantly, he leaned back on the chair, and eyed me with suspicion.

"Alright, Princess, you've got five minutes to convince me my time is better spent here than ruining another set of Leah's lingerie."

Embry shuddered violently in my peripheral vision, but I was too worked up to acknowledge him. I stared pacing again, taking up the first of my five minutes arching my fingers and clasping them again, somehow trying to filter all the nervous energy through the gesture.

Paul sighed audibly and glanced at the clock on the wall, flexing his feet at the ankles while he exercised his facial muscles, all in an effort to convey his boredom. After the second sigh, he pressed his hands onto the table top, threatening to rise, and snorted.

"Well, this has been enlightening, we should do this again some time," he said, and I turned in a panic, searching out Embry's assistance.

"You said five minutes, buttwipe. It's barely been two, or can you count that high?" he supplied, not bothering to look away from the window as he did.

"She's not fucking talking! How exactly am I meant to figure out the all-important information she has for me? Interpretive dance?" he snapped, and Embry just shook his head, muttering. "I heard that," Paul warned, and I'd had enough.

"Paul, you're about to imprint."

I didn't see any other way but blurting it out, and Embry smacked a palm to his forehead wearily, scrubbing the hand down his face with a groan. Yeah, I didn't think it was all that well-advised either, but desperate times and all that.

"...We _think._"

Paul's look of frustration turned to one of defiance before he leaned back again, eyeing me. It was a testament to the strides he'd made lately that his first instinct wasn't to lash out, and my mouth gaped helplessly, lost for the next words I'd thought were coming.

"I mean... there's a huge possibility that... it's not set in stone..."

He held up a hand to halt my babbling and frowned. "Back up a sec, Snow White. Where's this bombshell coming from?" The look on his face told me that the next sentence out of my mouth ought to be convincing, but I knew even before I said it that it wasn't.

"I saw it," I said helplessly, shrugging at Embry's cringe-filled sigh. Paul's gaze flicked back to him before settling on me again, and he raised a brow.

"You _saw _it," he repeated, and all I could do was nod. "Well, Sweet-cheeks, I don't exactly recall giving up my nuts for eternal servitude for some bitch who batted her lashes at me, so you're kinda going to have to elaborate."

I took in a steadying breath and squared my shoulders. "Look, I can't give you the absolute details, but let's just say that I have these dreams sometimes, and sometimes they come true. Not always, but sometimes they do," I began, and Paul's glare relaxed into a weary resignation. The chair beneath him squeaked across the linoleum as he moved to get up. "Wait!" I pleaded, but I knew he'd reached his limit. Luckily, Embry knew it too.

"Sit back down, Cock-munch," he growled, moving to stand in front of him, blocking his exit. Paul halted in his steps only to stare him down, chest puffed in macho insolence.

"Out of my way, Call," he cautioned, no longer bothering to look at him, but instead at the door.

Embry shook his head and jabbed a finger at me. "She didn't ask you to come here for a joke. She's trying to help you, you know, like friends do? You've had a friend before, right?" he said, eyebrow raised tauntingly. "If you just listen to what she has to say, you could end up avoiding a total trainwreck. Sit the fuck down," he finished, pointing back to the chair. Rather than obeying an order, Paul seemed to be listening to his reasoning, and looked to me curiously before shoving his hands in his pockets and leaning back on the table. But Embry wasn't done.

"For whatever reason, she seems to think you're some kind of stand-up guy," he said, throwing his hands up cluelessly as he walked back to his corner. "She thinks you'll do the right thing once you hear what she has to say. I beg to differ, but uh-" he shrugged, "Call it scientific curiosity."

Paul studied the floor for a beat before looking back at me, as my eyes darted between the two of them for my chance to speak. He raised his brows, pursing his lips in a "_well?_" gesture, launching me back into my explanation.I shook my head, clearing the shadow of doubt that was telling me he'd never listen to me in a million years.

"Look, with all you've seen over the past year, all you know, is it really so hard to believe that sometimes I might see things before they happen? I mean, it's a little less crazy than turning into a wolf, right?" I said encouragingly, but Paul wasn't answering. "I dreamt about wolves before Jacob told me your secret, I dream about things that end up coming true, even if they seem totally crazy at the time." I was stalling, I knew it, but none of this was going to be easy to hear.

"Anyway, the reason I've been avoiding you guys is because I saw something, and I didn't know if I should tell you – because I can't be sure it's actually going to happen..."

"The mysterious imprint," he surmised blandly, and I gulped, giving him a frantic nod as I resumed my pacing.

"I saw you imprint on a girl – a girl you know, and if it happens... well, we know how that's going to work out." I'd started talking with my hands. Yeah, the over-gesturing always made an appearance when I was reaching hysteria.

"So you decided to tell me so I could, what? _Not look _at her?"

I stopped, turning towards him in earnest. "I told you so you can be prepared."

He studied me carefully, searching my expression for any trace of dishonesty. "You're serious about this."

"Paul, believe me, if I was going to mess with you, I wouldn't pick something that could potentially harm one of my closest friends."

"Harm her? Like..." His face crumpled in a frown and his shoulders squared defensively. "You want me to dump Leah?" he barked, and I shook my head. Embry took a cautious step closer to the both of us on instinct. Automatically, my hand shot out to halt him, knowing that another macho-stand-off wouldn't get us anywhere.

"No! Well... I don't know, Paul," I gestured between myself and Embry _"We_ don't know, but I was pretty sure that it's not up to us to decide this._"_

"So why didn't you tell _her?_" he asked, looking between us. I gave him a sympathetic smile.

"No offence, but it's kind of a miracle that she agreed to give you a chance in the first place. You really want to rock the boat now?"

He nodded resignedly and raked a hand through his hair. "I'd be out on my ass quicker than a gay kid at church-camp," he sighed. Embry shot me a look of disdain at the comment over Paul's shoulder, before training his eyes back out the window.

"I just thought that, if you at least knew it was coming, then you might have a fighting chance."

"To reject it?" he said disbelievingly. "Not for nothin', Bella, but the last wolf who thought he could do that.. well..." he gestured haphazardly towards me. "_You're _well aware how that one worked out."

I trained my gaze on the ground sullenly, acknowledging the truth in his words, and still feeling the wince of pain I shouldn't have had any more right to feel. Surprisingly, I could acknowledge that this time, the loss of Jacob from my life was eclipsed almost fully by the feeling that, for some reason, the mystical powers-that-be didn't think I had any right to be with one of their 'chosen-ones'. No matter how much I convinced myself that I was worthy, clearly someone else up there didn't.

Paul watched me carefully, a momentary look of guilt flashing over his features as he sat back down again. He let out a heavy sigh, letting his hand fall heavily on the table-top with a dull thud.

"Look, it's just – you _get _that this sounds like bullshit, right?" he looked between us again, almost like he was afraid we didn't. "You understand that, don't you? Not to mention, the timing _sucks_."

I nodded, finally taking the chance to sit down opposite him. "I know it does, but believe me, I agonised over this before telling you. I know how it all sounds, and I know what this could mean for you... I just- I couldn't have forgiven myself if we'd done nothing."

He seemed slightly appeased, but the near-permanent crease of his brow indented further as he looked back to me.

"So why _now?_ I mean, I've pretty much seen every girl I know since phasing, and none of them have me crawling around after them like a lost mutt," he asked demandingly. I looked anywhere but at him, knowing that there was no going back once he knew who it was supposed to be.

"It's Rachel Black," I said quietly, and Paul's brows knitted together in confusion. Looking back at his expression, I clarified, "Jake's sister?"

"I fucking know who she is... it's just-" he shook his head, bracing himself for the next words with a sigh. "This explains it."

"Excuse me?" I queried, this time wearing the perplexed expression. He looked up through his brows and chewed on his lip for a beat, throwing Embry a glance before he relented.

"My wolf's been really fucking weird lately," he confessed, and a snort was heard from the corner.

"Your wolf's an asshole. If it was someone's dog they'd send it to a 'farm'," Embry sneered out the window, but worryingly, Paul didn't rise to the taunt.

"No, it's like... When Leah agreed to.. y'know. t_ry, _or whatever... he was pretty happy. He runs hot a lot, like me I guess, and it takes a little work to keep him on a leash," he explained, thumbs twitching over each other in an off-beat rhythm on the table. "With Leah, it's like.. I only had to give _forty percent _over to keeping him in line, instead of the usual eighty-five. Thinking about her helps some... and it changes things when _I_ have to be the level-headed one," he said, dejected smirk falling over his features.

Chancing a look to the corner of the room, Embry's eyes had glazed over, some sort of recognition dawning in them that I couldn't place. As if feeling my gaze on him, he met my stare, before swiftly training it away, but Paul continued before I could begin to dwell on it.

"I_ thought_ it was working a little too well – he's been so subdued these last few weeks that it's like," he sighed, "We're both completely different. Content." He looked at me then, his voice and expression both becoming grave. "Except for..."

My eyes caught his in question, narrowing in an effort to coax the story out of him. "What happened?"

"I didn't make the connection before... but I guess it could have been whenever Jake mentioned – _her – _in passing." Raising my eyebrows as I settled back in the chair, I pulled a hand up to rake through my scalp as things started to look _even worse_.

"I've been having these... bursts of energy. The first time, I think he was talking about Melanie or whatever, and I felt like someone had given me a shot of adrenaline straight to the chest. Heart-attack stuff. Now that I think about it... he was saying that she was going to meet his sister soon."

Embry was regarding him curiously, as if he, too, was remembering the weird behaviour.

Paul was deep in thought, recalling the feelings he was overcome with. "I just needed to run... do something to get rid of the itch in my bones."

"Dude, we've all been antsy lately," Embry said. "Phasing takes less effort for all of us. Are you sure it's not 'cause of the leech?"

Paul bristled once again. "Oh, _now _you're being hopeful?"

Embry turned away once more and gave a half-shrug. "Just trying to be optimistic," he said, with a tone and posture that screamed the opposite. Paul made a noise that was partially a growl, partially a grunt of frustration.

"This decides to come along just as I have something good going, and of all people, they decide to bind me to my Alpha's _sister_ so I spend the rest of my days blocking out the image of myself getting nasty with her?"

I shrugged, licking my lips to diffuse the croak in my voice. "It makes sense from the stronger-wolves standpoint. She's the same bloodline as him, so she's, you know, prime genetic material." It made me nauseous to even think about, but everything trailed back to that.

"So?" he snapped, nostrils flaring. "Leah's a goddamn wolf. Don't you think she'd be an even better choice than Jake's stuck-up sister? At least with Seth I don't have to worry about him beating me to a pulp if he finds out what we've been doing..."

"Sam's wolf didn't think so," Embry interjected, and we both turned to him. "If it was about stronger wolves and all that crap, they would have kept Leah human so she could, you know, actually get pregnant. She was with Sam anyway... so..." he trailed off, looking back towards the glass as he chewed over his thoughts.

"So it's probably more to do with the 'better wolves' theory," Paul surmised, brows joining as all the evidence spanned before him. After a few thought-filled moments, he sat back with a resolved look.

"Easy. I _am_ better now, since I have Leah. She made me-" he paused, as if remembering that he wasn't the only person in the room, and that he was about to bare his soul and his heart to the both of us. He pressed his lips together, their fullness disappearing as he looked off at nothing in particular. "I don't need someone to step in and house-train me. I don't need _anybody else._ Problem solved."

"You know it's probably not that simple," I warned, feeling like he was looking for the easy way out. I couldn't deny that what he'd said was right, though. Leah_ did_ make Paul better_._ They made each other better, and it wasn't for anyone to tear apart, even if that's what I was dangerously close to doing. Paul nodded concededly to his hands.

"So what, you think now that I know what's going on, I can reject this thing?" he asked, looking hopefully to Embry as he spoke. Embry's gaze was still trained out the window, but it wasn't out of vigilance; the tense set of his shoulders and the concentrated crease of his brow told me his mind was somewhere else entirely. Finally, he looked back on the conversation, avoiding my gaze as he shrugged.

"Don't know why you're asking me, it's not as if I have first-hand experience with this thing," he said, a trace of bitterness underlying his tone. This time, I couldn't ignore the stab of dread that formed in my chest, the very mention of the fact that everything with us was still so up-in-the-air causing my concentration to lapse as I regarded my friend; my friend who was no longer _just _that.

But this wasn't the time for me, or for _us_. Paul had just been thrown head-first into a torrent and was floundering, just as I had been. What where we supposed to do when everything was so undecided?

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad you guys came clean, even if it does end up being nothing, but does anyone have any idea what the fuck I'm meant to do with this?"

I opened my mouth in the hope that the right answer would flow freely from me, but nothing came. I ended on a shrug, apologising with my eyes as Paul's gaze grew harder. He stood abruptly, drawing in a harsh breath before curses spewed from his lips.

"I should have fucking known," he grunted, beginning to pace the small space of my kitchen. "First time something _good _actually happens for me, someone who isn't a complete bitch thinks I'm worth having being around and the almighty Wolf-Gods decide it needs fucking up." Both hands flopped on the top of his head harshly before clasping together, and he shook it back and forth.

"This is fucked! I'm supposed to have a choice," he snarled to no-one in particular, halting his steps and clenching his eyes shut.

"I wanted to _give _you a choice. There's still a chance that you can stop this, somehow," I said with the last remnants of hope I had left in me. His eyes opened with a jaded hesitation and he watched me, processing all that I'd said as his hands slipped down from their place, back by his sides.

"Why are you so hell-bent on this?" he asked me, letting his gaze flicker towards Embry, who was, for the first time, watching with interest. "Why is it so important to you that I succeed here? This doesn't even directly affect you," he mused, looking back to the corner once again.

I stiffened at his question, willing myself to look anywhere but the same corner that he did. "I just don't want Leah to get hurt," I reasoned, shaking my head,

"So why not just tell her?" he queried, turning a probing stare on me. "Why not just give her an out right now, no matter what happens?"

"Because you guys deserve happiness, and you deserve to have a choice in how that's achieved."

He looked to Embry again, something unsaid filtering through his mind for a beat before he nodded. I felt Embry's stare burn into my temple from where he stood, the same realisation Paul had reached already firmly settled on his features. I turned away, trying to push down the nagging feeling that this conclusion – the one between brothers which didn't need to be said aloud - was the truth about why I _really _had so much riding on Paul's success.

"Alright, I got a choice? Well Leah gets one too," Paul decided, cutting into my thoughts and dispersing the feeling of tension between us. He punctuated the sentence by ripping the door open forcefully and marching off into the back yard. His t-shirt was discarded with a swift tug at the shoulders, and before I could get a chance to ask what he was doing, the waistband of his pants lowered, revealing, without apology or preamble, Paul Lahote's butt in all its naked glory. Again.

"Paul, wait!" I called after him, too wrapped up to find any embarrassment within me. A halting hand was placed on my shoulder, stopping my advances. I turned to Embry, who was still watching the tree line as Paul disappeared. "What's he going to do?" I asked the side of his jaw._ When did he start looking so grown up? So tired?_

Embry's gaze narrowed in the sunlight, the flare of muscles in his cheek the only indication that he was even listening to me for endless seconds.

"He's doing what you wanted, making the choice."

My brows raised as I looked back to the space Paul had occupied, feeling fearful and apprehensive, like I'd lit the spark on a bomb that was about to level half the planet. But what else could I have done? Paul had more courage than even_ I_ gave him credit for, but something in me wondered if Embry's look of dismay was the more appropriate reaction. For all intents and purposes, Paul could be about to give up the best thing in his life.

"He's going to tell her?" I asked quietly, knowing the answer and scarcely able to hear myself over the pounding in my chest and the whoosh of blood to my ears.

"He's going to tell her," Embry said.

* * *

"He didn't tell her."'

My shoulders jerked suddenly, whirling around on the spot as my hands automatically flew to my chest. He leaned against the side of my truck, parked within walking distance of Newtons and illuminated by one solitary street lamp.

"Holy shit, Em, you scared the crap out of me!" I wheezed, picking up the keys where they fell and slipping them back into the driver-side door, unlocking it as I got my bearings. It had been two days – two days that Paul made us promise to leave him be so he could work up the courage to tell Leah everything; about Rachel, about the oddness of his wolf, and to ask her to help him decide what to do about it. I'd been a mass of frayed nerves and no sleep.

His lips quirked in sheepish apology. "Sorry. Asked Sam to take a break."

I frowned. "Sam was guarding me today?" That would explain the hazy dark shadow on my lawn I'd seen briefly in the dull morning light, which hadn't left my mind all day. Until he'd said it, I'd tried to convince myself I'd been imagining things, and that it wasn't some new kind of monster out for my blood.

"He's been trying to give up phasing since Jake took over... but it's driving him and Emily a little crazy these past few days, his wolf isn't having it. She asked us to put him back on patrol."

I nodded absently, finally registering what he'd said to startle me in the first place. "Why didn't Paul tell her?"

"He tried," he said, blowing out a breath before scrubbing a palm down his face. "He cooked her this meal, the whole works, but couldn't do it. Every time he looked at her, he just... lost the nerve."

I couldn't even pretend to be surprised. It had been a shock in the first place that he was even entertaining the idea. "He showed you that?"

Embry's smile was rueful. "Guess secrets bring people closer. I think he just needed to tell someone. We spent the day running the Canadian border."

I nodded to my feet, moving to take a place at his side against the truck. Without conscious thought, I was pressed into his heat, savouring the closeness I'd been bereft of since I'd seen him last even if it was just last night. In response, he curled an arm around my waist, pulling me closer as he rested his nose on the crown of my head. A warm exhale bloomed over my scalp, and the muscles in his arms clenched and jerked; not satisfied with the still limited contact.

He was right about secrets; I hadn't felt so close to anyone in my life before. It was one thing keeping a secret for someone else, but knowing that everything I hid from others, he held in his hands, never daring to share anything without my consent was entirely different. I _trusted_ him. Embry had fully formed a niche in my life, and now that I knew how it felt to be held by him, feel his breath on my face and his lips on mine, it was even more difficult when we were separated. It didn't help that he took every opportunity to touch me, pepper kisses across my forehead, or pull me into his embrace without warning.

"It makes sense, I guess. I mean... he doesn't have any guarantees, and what I told him could drive her away even if nothing happens," I mused, raising my head minimally to glance up at him.

Embry didn't answer, looking off into the darkness with an expression I couldn't read. It wasn't anything to do with the absence of light; I spent much of my time trying to figure him out. Did he regret that we'd taken our relationship a step forward? It was in contrast to the increased contact between us, how physical he'd become around me... but then there was his eyes. Each time I looked into them he seemed to pull further and further off into the opposite direction. I couldn't let him do that - I refused to give up hope until Rachel arrived; things would be different, here... I _knew _it.

"Do you think he's going to imprint?" I blurted out, no longer able to contain the anxiety I was pretending wasn't there.

Embry leaned back, and his gaze shot to mine for an extended moment, searching my face for something I couldn't pinpoint. "I don't know, Bella, but if it does happen," he sighed, "I don't think he's going to be able to fight it."

"Is that why you're so hopeless?" I asked, not hiding the frustration in my voice.

"Is that why you're so adamant that he will?" he shot back.

The question hung in the air for what felt like an endless moment, before I swallowed. "He can do it."

"You don't know that Bella. What happens if he doesn't fight it? What happens to _us _if he doesn't? It's not like you're my..." he asked, not finishing the statement we were both all too aware of.

My heart pounded as the question I'd been avoiding sounded in my ears. I pressed my mouth closed, not knowing how to respond in a way that would assuage his fears when they didn't even dull my own. Still pressed against his body, his warmth seeping into my bones, a war raged between wanting to pull away and needing to stay close, just in case he was right; the second side won. I hadn't seen Embry's fate in the endless dreams of another reality. I hadn't yet been subjected to the image of his smile directed at someone else; but who was I to say I never would?

"I don't know," I finally said, my voice weak and quiet as the first sting of tears filled my eyes. We'd barely even gotten used to the idea that there was something more forming between us, and already the dreaded _I-word _was threatening everything we could be.

"Neither do I, which is why I can't..." he stopped abruptly, focusing intently on me. "Look, I know this is new.. but Bella, I can't believe this is happening for us. I spent _so long_... and now it's getting threatened and I just keep wondering if you'd be better off without me, if we should just cut our losses while we can."

I looked to him frantically, wanting to speak but all moisture seemed to drain from my tongue at that precise moment.

"I tried to rationalise things and tell myself I'd be fine with out you. I mean, we haven't even established what this _is_, it shouldn't be so hard, so soon. And you're not there yet, I know.. I'll wait, but it's just... I'm not _handling_ this very well." He blew out a breath of burden. "I'm sorry."

His rant ended as soon as it began, and in it, I found that his feelings mirrored everything in me I tried to ignore. We were no longer friends, not yet lovers, and maybe these feelings were more extreme than they should have been, but it didn't _feel _that way. Maybe Embry wasn't completely mine... but I wasn't ready to give him up yet, not for anyone. Not when it felt like he could be the best thing that ever happened to me.

No-one else could see into my soul like he could. No other person could reach into my head and organise the scramble of thoughts and fears into something coherent. Nobody could make my stomach flip with just the hint of a smile. My chest tightened with the revelation, and I shook my head.

"Neither am I," I confessed, letting my doubts finally free as the tears spilled over. He gave me a dejected look, as if he was the cause of all of this, and it only served to fuel the tight coil of anguish in the pit of my stomach.

"I know, Bella."

I closed my eyes, not able to fall further into the depths of his. If _course _he knew. He knew why this was so important to me, why my sanity hinged on Paul's success before _I_ even did. I sobbed, loudly, into his chest, feeling his arms wind around me and pull me into the firm embrace I'd become accustomed to over the course of this ordeal.

Embry was clinging to me for dear life.

My sobs became shudders which shook my body with sheer force. Everything I'd been avoiding, and rationalised into a facade of denial roared to the surface and came barrelling out, right into Embry's shirt. I was making a habit of this.

He held me until I managed to gain control of myself, leaning my forehead on his shoulder as my breaths came back slowly. Gently, I felt his arms release me, but before the irrational panic could set in, his hands rested on my cheeks, coaxing my tear-stained face towards him where he regarded me with a mixture of anxiety, dread, and desperation.

His lips crashed to mine so suddenly, I gasped into his mouth, allowing him to dominate and claim it for his own. I kissed him back with fervour, my hands winding around his neck as I clung to him, needing the comfort and craving the closeness. Who knew what the future held for us? Who knew if this kiss would be our last? His life could be irreversibly changed, even on the way home, and I would be nothing but a fleeting entry in his biography. I needed him so badly that it made my stomach clench, my heart ache, and my head swim.

Obliquely, I felt him turn us, pressing me into the truck's side with urgency; his hands exploring my body over my clothes, committing me to memory and barely missing an inch. I whimpered into the kiss, my tears reforming with the intensity of everything I felt, and everything I could feel slipping out of my grasp. His lips where liquid fire on my skin as he broke the away, leaving trails and signatures of his presence over my face and neck, inhaling my scent with an impatience I'd never seen in him before.

I searched out his mouth again, needing one last touch, one final kiss to last me until morning. He complied hungrily, drinking me in before finally he pulled away, burying his face in my hair. As his arms enveloped me once more, he huffed out an anguished sigh.

"The only thing I know," he said into my shoulder, "is how this make me feel. I can't give you up for a possibility, Bella, and I don't think it's fair for you to ask me."

Squeezing my eyes shut at his words, I breathed him in, and prayed to whatever deity was listening that I wouldn't have to.

* * *

**A/N: Hey guys! It's been a little while, I hope you all aren't mad at me! The good news is that the next chapter is also partially written, so you won't have to wait too long for that. Does it make up for the wait for this one?**

**Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed so far. I kind of suck when it comes to replying but know that I do read them all, even if I do forget to thank you, even in an Author's Note. (I know, I'm terrible.)**

**So let me know if you liked this chapter.. Poor Paul has a lot of stuff on his plate right now, but we'll just have to wait and see if it all works out for him. I make no promises here.. **

**Hope this sheds a little more light into the reactions Embry and Bella had in the previous chapter. I know that it's usually the wolf who claim's he'll never imprint and Bella dragging her hells, but I wanted to turn that on it's head.**

**Let me know what you thought!**


	27. So Hold Me Close To Keep Me Close

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N:Suggested listening: Constant Knot by City and Colour, Living in Colour by Frightened Rabbit, Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want by ****The Smiths,**** Blue Carolina by The Smoking Popes (Alk3 Cover), Do What You Do by Chuck Ragan, Arms by Christina Perri, Awake My Soul by Mumford and Sons, Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: So Hold Me Close, To Keep Me Close.**

Hair plastered to my cheeks, I forced the door shut against the howling of the storm. It was darker tonight, darker than it had been in months and my stomach felt like the sudden decent of a rollercoaster. Sick, nervous, anticipating what came next.

I hadn't heard a word from anyone, and somehow, my home felt bigger and emptier than it had ever been. Was it over? Was it done? Had everything been decided and was I forgotten in the chaos of what followed? I didn't want it to be true, and a part of me needed to stay in the state of unknown. If the worst had happened, then I'd have to face the truth that despite everything I knew, I couldn't protect everyone from their fate. Not even myself.

I pulled the cardigan tighter around my body, searching the outside for a sign, any indicator that everywhere wasn't as deserted as it seemed, but the light from the kitchen was lost in the wall of rain that cascaded outside. It shielded everything from view, and I was trapped in a bubble of _not knowing._ The kettle clicked off to my left, bringing me out of the unavoidable feeling of agitation, and I blew out a breath before filling a cup. I wasn't even sure I could stomach drinking anything, but somehow the ritual of making tea and giving my hands something to do was therapeutic. Staring at the steam billowing from the rim, it was several moments before I actually thought to wrap my fingers around it and cradle it to my chest, the heat giving a strange feeling of comfort that I knew was reminiscent of something I was craving more than anything else.

He was always present, yet not, and each time he avoided my gaze and distracted my mind with warmth and touches and unconvincing reassurance, I felt more distant than I had been when I'd forced him out of my life. Embry was pushing me away by pulling me closer, and after the fevered revelations of last night, I didn't have the strength to do anything but cling to what he offered me. What if this was my last chance?

The cup was cooling beneath my palms, and I finally chanced a sip. It was tasteless, and swallowing felt nearly impossible, but the routine of doing something familiar was what I had to do. I had to find a way to get the constant clockwork of thoughts and fears and doubts to dull into a quiet hum that would finally let me sleep, and hopefully, when I woke up, everything wouldn't seem quite so dark and hopeless.

I ventured to my room, pausing in the middle of the floor and not quite recalling how I got there. Autopilot had taken over, and ultimately it felt like nothing here was an adequate distraction. How could it be?

Past the bookshelf, searching the spines for something familiar and to which I could lose myself for a while left me with nothing. My ipod didn't offer me anything but a playlist of songs tied to memories of the very people I needed to forget, but still I pressed 'play'. Anything to fill the void of silence and screaming thoughts in my mind. I was a ball of nervous energy fastened with melancholic acceptance and nothing short of screaming at the top of my lungs or finding out the truth was going to satiate it.

I found myself at my dresser, looking over the barely-touched beauty products I'd bought in a quest to reinvent myself. Who had I been kidding? I _had _reinvented myself, but it had nothing to do with my outward appearance. As soon as I reached that cliff-edge, looking below to the swirling depths of letting Embry into my life, of letting Leah become my friend and holding a stake in Paul's happiness, I was changed irreversibly. But it hadn't felt that way - at the time, that cliff over the abyss was more like steps into a warm tub of comfort. That was something I was severely lacking right now.

A tiny bottle of nail colour caught my eye; a bright, bold pink that was _so_ not me, and shook it. It was a task - something to busy my hands, and at least for a while, I had something to look at other than the clock, wondering how long it would be before I heard the news.

Settling on my bed, I pulled off the woollen socks I'd put on following a half-hearted shower and positioned cotton balls between my toes. Ritual. Routine.

I'd finished a whole five toes before the lights flickered, causing my heart to leap as the crack of thunder caused the windows to shake and the wind to sound more like the guttural cry of a livid creature, full of the same rage and anger that I feared Leah would succumb to following what had almost undoubtedly happened today. I couldn't be there for it, to see her life get ripped apart just as she'd begun stitching it back together. I was a failure as a friend.

_Concentrate, Bella._

Big toe. Second toe. Third. _Flicker._ BOOM.

I pulled in a steadying breath, wiping the smudge of pink over my second-to-last toe before I attempted the final one. Almost done.

Lights out.

I fumbled for the bottle on my night-stand, haphazardly screwing it together before limping out of bed to the window. It ipod still played on the dock, running on batteries, making the soft voices take on an air of menace in their detachment. _Great. _Of all nights to be alone, I pick the one where the power is knocked out on the whole street. I didn't even know if there was a wolf around standing guard – pretty sure there was bigger stuff going on down on the Rez.

What if _she_ picked tonight? What if the distraction of the Pack was her opening, and she used the cover of the storm to finally come for me?

As if on cue, a crash sounded downstairs, chilling the blood in my veins and freezing my feet to the spot.

_No._ This couldn't be happening.

Every scenario where I lost my life to her played out before my eyes, in detail much too vivid and realistic to be willed away. Only the shrill ring of the phone echoing up the stairs pulled me back into the moment. Wasn't this how every horror movie began? I was going to die a cliché and Leah would never know how sorry I was for not saving her from her own fate.

Every shadow took on the shape of a crouched creature, my own unavoidable fate waiting to pounce and end my life before I could even draw breath to scream. The phone rang out. A creak on the stairs. A growing shadow on the wall. Ghostly voices from the stereo. I closed my eyes, picked up something heavy, and braced myself for what was to come.

* * *

**Embry POV**

I didn't know if it was my heart or hers that was pounding in my ears. She was terrified, I knew she was, and it just propelled my feet up the stairs, desperate to reach her. She'd been unguarded for all of ten minutes and already her life was being threatened? I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach, no air making its way past my lips as flashes of what lay beyond that door tormented my vision. I couldn't smell anything truly ominous; there was no trace of leech around, just the odd scent of something pungent and chemical, like varnish - but there was no denying that something had Bella badly rattled.

I pressed my back to the wall, searching out the darkness for movement as I climbed further up the hallway. The rain had pretty much sizzled off my skin by now - any threat to Bella's well-being seemed to raise my temperature these days, and it wasn't _just threats_ either. Just seconds in her presence and all thoughts became chaotic and confused, depraved or desperate and I seemed to excel in either saying the wrong thing or nothing at all.

And I really fucking hated it when she cried.

The damn telephone had just stopped ringing, and now an eerie pseudo-silence punctuated only by the howling wind, the soft sounds of acoustic music and the creak of trees surrounded me. Above it all, was Bella's shallow breaths, the racing of her pulse, and the distinct scent of fear in the air.

Edging towards the door, I felt the eruption of goosebumps across my skin, first signs of the imminent phase. I couldn't jump the gun like last time, and I wasn't messing this up and endangering her more. Maybe it wasn't even a leech – there were plenty of other sick bastards out there who could take advantage of a beautiful young girl alone in her house, no matter who her father is.

I had to hold back. I needed the element of surprise.

Curling my fingers around the wood between the hinges, I gave it a soft nudge, waiting for it to swing open and reveal whatever character of nightmare within that made Bella's heart sound so troubled. Whoever it was, they picked the wrong night and the wrong _girl_ to target.

I didn't get a chance to think, because as soon as the door cleared the frame... THWACK.

"Oww! Son of a- What the fuck was _that?_" I grasped at the bridge of my nose where the object had hit me before it crumpled to the floor; a hardback novel that looked to be at least 700 pages thick. Appropriate Bella weaponry, I guess. I kicked it with vengeance, sending it skittering along the carpet and out of her deadly reach.

"Embry?" she asked, sounding relieved and breathless.

"No, it's Dracula," I retorted sarcastically, feeling the first trails of blood making their way towards my top lip. "I think you broke my nose... holy shit, B!"

She snapped out of her shock to lunge forward at me, practically hopping up to wrap her arms around my neck. The room was empty apart from the girl pressed against me, and I was powerless to resist her; broken nasal bridge included. When Bella Swan wants to hold you, you just don't say no.

"I thought you were Victoria- I couldn't _move, _I was so freaked," she babbled, pulling in gulps of air as she spoke. Her nose was buried in my skin, and the feeling of her breath across my exposed chest was efficiently pulling any and all attention away from the throbbing in my face. This girl had a mean throwing-arm, but man... she felt so good.

"So you, what? Decided to attack with..." I squinted at the book in the darkness over my hand, the pain making focusing my vision a challenge despite the advantages I'd inherited. "David Coppefield? Wow, I didn't know vamps had a weakness for nineteenth century literature."

She leaned back in my arms, looking up at me but seeing nothing. "Why are you talking to my ceiling?"

"Because I'm trying not to bleed all over you," I replied, still holding my nose.

"Oh, crap! I didn't realise you were _bleeding! _Hang on a second," she said, taking my hand and tugging me to sit down on her bed. I was getting deja-vu here, especially when I heard her rustle around for a box of tissues. Without warning, a little flame sparked by her beside table as she lit up a small, purple candle. Suddenly, we could see again.

"Is it bad?" she asked, full of concern. Her eyes were brimmed with regret, wide and loving, and I was momentarily distracted by them. _If it would only just _happen_ for us._

"It's almost healed.. but the blood tends to stick around," I said, finally letting my hand drop away. She was standing between my knees, wetting tissues with a bottle of water she'd produced from god-knows-where. Softly smoothing a few loose locks of hair back from my forehead, she got to work, as I watched the concentration on her face. With light dabs at the skin, her touch was soothing, gentle and _not enough_ all at once.

"You're kind of making a habit of this, huh?" she said, breaking my reverie. Good thing - I was probably about to start purring or some shit. "Maybe I should get a First Aid box just for you."

"I thought I was being more careful this time, you know, by not bursting in?" I excused.

"Another Spiderman technique?" she teased, retrieving another tissue, and my forehead creased.

"So you _were _calling me Spiderman."

A shrug. "You did crash through a first-floor window, hell-bent on saving me. You can see the parallels - quiet, sensitive, put-upon _nerd-boy _gets super powers..."

"Falls for a girl way out of his league.." I finished, and her hand stilled. Alright, so we weren't quite _there _yet. Clearing my throat, I realised I needed to remember where I stashed my patience, because it was MIA these days. There was a few more moments of silence, but thankfully, she didn't seem to look overly upset by the comment.

"Is it setting straight? Maybe I can rock the whole retired-boxer look," I quipped, attempting a smile before wincing at the unwelcome throb it brought about.

She smiled indulgently and gently traced a her pinky over my nose. "No, I think you're good," she responded, before meeting my eyes, "which I'm glad about, I happen to like your nose."

"I think you like my 'everything'," I teased, enjoying the speechless look that spanned over her face. Yeah, so I was flirting... didn't guys get to flirt with the girl they're, uh, whatever we were doing. Was 'kissing' a relationship status? Huh... maybe I was doing it wrong.

She pressed her mouth closed, narrowing her eyes as the surprise wore off. "How hard did I hit you?"

"So you _don't_ like my 'everything'?" I mock-clarified, wondering why the hell I didn't just shut the hell up when her voice turned to an embarrassed squeak.

"I haven't _seen_ your... Embry, what are you doing here? And why are you acting like you're high or something?"

I rose to my feet suddenly, startling her back a few paces with my movements. "I came to tell you..." I said, starting to pace. Not knowing how exactly she'd take this had me on edge, but I couldn't have slept the night through without coming here. Maybe she was right - the nerves were making me a little crazy.

_Please, just let this work out for me. I'll never ask for anything again; not even to find out who my... I'll never ask for anything, okay?_

Her brows rose at my voice, wide eyes following my movements and slowly comprehending what I was talking about. I could feel her puzzlement as she gauged my reaction. "Okay..." she said, a tiny flame of hope barely daring to ignite in her tone. "It's good?"

"It's great," I replied attempting a smile, and there were no more words before she threw her arms around me again.

"Oh my gosh..." she began, as her cellphone cut into the moment with a blast of music. She turned in a small circle, trying to locate the origin of the noise. "Hold that thought!" Diving over the bed, she answered it and held it to her ear.

"Hey, Dad."

_"Bells! Thank God. Why didn't you answer when I called the house? You're not caught out in this storm, are you?"_

"No.. the power went out just before the phone rang. I'm already clumsy in daylight..."

A soft huff of laughter. "_No kidding. Alright well I was just calling to let you know I'm helping out the fire department. They're over-run with calls in this weather and need help re-routing traffic, checking on people, that kind of thing. You're still in the house?_"

"Yeah."

_"Alright well, check the locks and stay away from the windows. You know where the candles are. Just don't make it obvious that you're alone, alright?"_

She gave me a mischievous smile before answering. "Yeah, Dad, I know the drill. Be safe, alright?"

"_Sure thing, Sweetie. Always am. I'll see you in the morning._"

"Bye, Dad."

Throwing the phone over her shoulder, she bounded around the bed to the door.

"Where are you going now?"

She raised a brow. "To get some candles. I want to light this place up a little more before you tell me _everything,_"she grinned. I shook my head, pulling her back by the arm.

"Oh no you're not. You're right, you'll probably end up breaking a leg in the process. Leave it to those who can see in the dark," I said, pointing two fingers of my left hand at my eyes. She shot me a disbelieving look of defiance before shrugging.

"Alright then Spidey, they're in the hall closet, third door on your left. They're in a wooden box at the bottom, should be a torch and some matches in there too," she directed knowingly, and I followed her instructions through the dark.

"You guys have a 'Blackout Kit?'" I asked on my way back into her room with the supplies.

"Police Chief's house, remember?" she said, taking the candles out of my hand and proceeding to set a few around the room, lighting them. I watched her in the flame-light, eyes glowing with a lightness I hadn't realised I'd missed so much.

"So spill," she said, setting the last two candles either side of the bed. "Did it... happen? Did he fight it?"

I shook my head. "No.. nothing happened."

Her brow creased as she turned to me. "He didn't feel anything?"

"I was there, Bella. Any time one of us has.. imprinted, it's like a ripple throughout the Pack, each of us feeling a shift as the wolf's place in the world alters. Sometimes it's stronger than others, but I'm telling you, there was nothing."

It was true. My heart had been in my throat the entire day, and Paul had lashed out at every one of us at morning training - except for Leah. Hoping to find out what was going on with him, Jake ordered him back to the Black's house - but Rachel showed up earlier than expected, hoping to surprise Billy with dinner, and every joint in Paul's body locked up. He'd trained his eyes on the ground as she spoke, not daring to answer her or even greet her. Jacob mistook it for disrespect and called him out on it...and Paul looked at Rachel.

He stared for endless seconds, and I waited for the tell-tale vibration of energy which sealed his fate - but it never came. I thought his face would split in half, he was smiling so much, and he hugged her like she was _his _long-lost sister. Needless to say, Jacob thought he was being creepy as hell, and put him on perimeter runs for the entire afternoon, away from Rachel's Welcome Home cook-out, while I tried to come up with excuses to see Bella in person.

"Hmm," was all she said, and I felt the disappointment radiating off of her, knowing the cause. She hadn't wanted to see Leah hurt, sure, but she needed to see Paul fight it. She needed him to fight it so there was a chance that I could, and we'd finally get the security we needed.

Bella wasn't looking at me. I knew why it bothered her so much when I did it, now. I felt cold, like she wasn't letting me in. I didn't like it out here.

"It's a good, thing, right? I mean, if he didn't imprint, and _Quil _didn't, maybe they've all stopped. Maybe none of us _need _to anymore."

She looked to me in question, cocking her head to the side in a very Leah-like gesture. "What do you mean?"

I buried a hand in the hair at the back of my head. I _hated _talking about this, but maybe the theory would give her the comfort I sensed she needed.

"When you... _changed things,_ and Jake-" I stopped, knowing that bringing it up could easily dampen what should have been a celebration, even if Bella didn't exactly seem to be doing a happy-dance. "When Jake met Melanie. After that, he was different. He was ready to step up as Alpha, put us in our place, and we all felt the ramifications of that."

She stood by the bed, dipping her finger absent-mindedly in the wax of the last candle and peeling it off. I let the idea settle in for a beat before the silence started grating on me. "It was a ripple effect. Do you get what I mean?"

She looked at the floor by my feet and nodded. "I think so. You're saying that Jake meeting her made him better - it made you all better," she replied, her voice low. My heart stung - it can't be easy knowing that your own heartbreak was for the good of everyone else, no matter how you rationalised it. Why was Bella's happiness less important than ours?

"Look, I'm not saying it was great, but-" I sighed, "Bella, I meant it when I told you that I think this is how things were meant to be."

Her eyes met mine again, and a ghost of a smile played with her features. "I hope you're right."

"Me too," I said. "Okay, it's just my theory, and it's not perfect I mean... if it's_ really_ the right path for everyone, then I would have imprinted on you the second I saw you, but I'm pretty sure I know why that is-"

"What?" she interjected, stepping closer to me. "What do you mean, 'you know why that is'?" The fear in her eyes made me wish I'd kept my stupid mouth shut, and I tried to back-pedal, but nothing was coming.

"Well... it's obvious, isn't it? You deserve better. You deserve to be out of this life for good. It's just your complete bad luck and my stupidity that dragged you back in."

Now, she was pissed. Her gaze flared with outrage and if she'd been Pack, there would have been a chocolate-eyed wolf standing in front of me. "How can you say that? How can you possibly tell me that this-" she gestured between us, "is because of your 'stupidity'?"

I took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling. "I didn't mean... look, Bella, you shouldn't have to go through all of this. You shouldn't have to spend weeks wondering the fate of 'us' because of a curse I inherited from a guy I can't be sure I even met. You deserve to have constant security and you deserve someone who can be everything you need without a doubt hanging over his head."

I trained my eyes on her again. "But I'm weak, because as long as you want me around, I can't stay away, and I think whoever's in charge of 'fate', or whatever, knows that you shouldn't be tied to me, to this curse, and you shouldn't have to stay in a relationship which puts you though all of this."

There was a span of silence between us as I avoided her stare, still partially berating myself for throwing my thoughts out there, and partially afraid that I'd see realisation in her eyes. What if she agreed? What if I'd just fucked it up all over again because I couldn't do anything but be honest with her?

"You're right," she said finally, making me wince. Here it was. "You _are _being stupid."

She took another step towards me and I trailed my eyes in an arc towards her face, watching those perfect lips as they were about tear me apart. "Embry, Leah already tried to 'open my eyes' to this. She took me all the way to Port Ange the other day to show me college guys, and you know what I realised?"

I finally met her gaze, thrown off by the softness of her tone, and my own curiosity.

"I don't _want _any one else." Honestly, I was floored by the sincerity in her expression, and how it was matched by her voice. She took another step towards me. "I _know_ I have a choice... and after what happened today, you do too. If you choose to be with me then..." she sighed, "Look, I'm not getting out of this just when things are _actually _starting to look good for us. If your theory's right, then... Embry we could really do this. We could be together, and I'm not letting you ruin this because you have this ridiculous idea that I deserve better."

She took my hand, pressing it to her cheek. "There _is_ no-one better than you."

In that moment, as completely cheesy as it sounds, it was like I knew the meaning of every love song ever written. My chest was about to burst, my knees felt week and my head swam, because this girl - this beautiful, headstrong, intelligent, _selfless _girl wanted me. She believed that I was meant for her, and that we'd chosen each other for a reason. I was just lucky enough that she saw through my self-doubt and let me hear it.

I kissed her. I poured everything I felt and everything I was discovering that I felt into it, folding my arms around her body and holding her close enough to break. Bella chose me, not just over fate, but over every other guy in the world she could have been with. It was her choice to move on, to let me in, to let her feelings for Jacob go and to allow me not just to see right through, but to break down the walls she'd built around herself. I felt like the luckiest guy in existence, and a lump formed in my throat as the enormity of it all hit me.

Her small hands weaved into my hair, soft breaths of mint and chamomile blooming across my lips as she fell into me. I was holding her up, revelling in the feeling of being that strength for her, and how I knew I was making her feel. Her own need increased my own, and blood coursed throughout me, sending heat to places that were taking over my thoughts.

I ground my body into hers, feeling her pliancy, the softness of her femininity which released one single thought from the recesses of my brain - the place the wolf inhabited, the darkness that I locked behind a wall of rational thought. He was roaring.

_Devour._

I knew it should have startled me, but not for the first time, I _wanted _to listen; I _wanted _to give into him, even though the human side of me, the Embry side was terrified. There was no going back from this for either of us, once it happened. It was getting harder and harder to think as her hands trailed down my spine, fingers disappearing beneath the waistband of my pants with shaking, experimental touches. She was encouraging me - encouraging _him_, and my body shuddered with the battle of wills inside me.

I'd been here before, I knew how acting out my desires change the way I viewed someone, and how they viewed me. There had been a girl - just one - not long after I phased. In truth, she was a means to an end; an attempt comfort in a spiral of loneliness that didn't last - until Bella had given it to me with mere words. I'd slept with this girl in my desperation, and she'd bought into the myth of danger and intrigue surrounding Sam, Paul, Jared and I, taking the challenge of 'taming' one of the 'wild ones'. I took advantage of it - of her - and she'd been hurt in the process. It was wrong of me, I knew even as it was happening, but I didn't listen to the protests of my conscience. Maybe this time I should - I knew Bella's history, and the insight that she'd never done this before was the contending argument for the human side. I couldn't live with myself if this turned sour. Or, maybe Bella would be the one to regret this, and maybe we'd both get hurt._  
_

The haze of lust and uncertainty started to disperse as Bella took a step backwards, towards the bed. I hesitated, but an endless second without her lips urged my feet forward, following her lead. She looked up at me in the candle-light, the laments of song surrounding us, breathlessness causing me to sway on my feet in a dance of what I wanted to do and what rationality was screaming that I shouldn't. I brushed a tendril of hair from her face and I can say without conviction that I'd never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life.

I couldn't do this - I couldn't risk breaking her and letting her make this mistake without thinking it through. More than that, I couldn't even believe this was a decision I was faced with.

_Bella wanted me. _I'd be remiss to say that how much_ that_ scared the crap out of me wasn't a huge part of this hesitation.

**_Bella _**wanted me; of all the people she could have, she chose to share this pivotal moment in her life with _me - _someone who _really_ had no clue what he was doing, and up until a few months ago, had only seen a naked girl on television. I was probably going to faint when she took her underwear off.

"Bella-"

The furious vibration in my pocket cut the sentence off, and Bella's hooded gaze widened to normal, stepping back as she looked at the light shining though the fabric of my pocket. I groaned.

"Fuck.."

She looked at me imploringly. "Don't answer it."

I wanted to listen - I wanted to go back to blocking out the rational side of myself - but he won. This was an out, an opportunity to think, to buy time while I figured out what the fuck I was doing and why I wasn't just tearing her clothes off right then and there. Was I crazy? Probably, but then I'd become used to having two distinct sets of desires warring for dominance inside me.

"I'm sorry, it could be important," I lied. Nothing was as important as this. A small crease appeared between her brows as I fished the device from my pocket. Maybe the caller could talk some sense into me.

"It's Leah. I'm gonna, uh, take this downstairs," I said unsurely. Before she could reply, I answered the phone, walking out of the room while she flopped on the bed with a sigh, watching me go.

"Hello?"

_"Are you with Bella?"_

"Yeah, I ducked out of Jake's to make sure she was okay. You know, storm."

_"Why do you sound so weird?"_

"I don't," I defended, nearing the bottom of the stairs. I made my way to the back door, looking though the glass at the tantrum outside.

There was a pause while Leah gauged my answer. _"Yes you do, you're being all defensive. Like you're guilty of something."_

"I'm no-"

_"Were you fucking her?"_

I paused, jaw gaping, How the hell could she know that? "...No..."

_"Real convincing, Call. No wonder your mom thinks you're on drugs."_

"We weren't doing anything... just. Look, it's none of your business okay?"

_"You were about to, weren't you?"_

"No. Yeah.. look, I don't know. It's not that simple."

_"What's not simple? This girl you've been having wet-dreams about for fuck knows how long wants to do the deed. I thought you'd be all for it."_

I took several breaths, glancing over my shoulder to make sure Bella wasn't listening. "I'm not sure it's the right choice for her."

_"What? Doing the no-pants-dance with you? Neither am I, but hey, Bella's a big girl. I'm sure she's capable of making a decision all by herself."_

"But what if she regrets it? I mean... she's never... And what if I'm..."

_"Oh, I see. You can't talk to Quil about this, because it's a secret, so you're asking me. Well, good. The only intelligent thing to come out of that kid's mouth was when he ate part of my mom's New England Journal Of Medicine in second grade, and threw it back up. "_

I huffed a short laugh, remembering how he'd dared himself to do it and spent three days at home with 'ink poisoning'.

"I'm pretty sure I know what he'd say. I want a voice of reason here," I said, needing her to agree with the sensible side of me and quash this whole thing.

Leah sighed, like she was losing patience with the entire conversation. _"Look, is she drunk?"_

"No?"

_"High?"_

"No!"

_"Is Bella on any kind of substance, or did she trip over a dust-bunny and hit her head?"_

"No, she didn't, but-"

_"And do you care about her. I mean _really _care about her. Enough to stick around after this happens?"_

My wolf bristled at the question, and I wet my lips, knowing Leah was just being a good friend. "More than anything."

_"Well, don't you think that's your answer?"_

"But what if-"

_"'What if' nothing. Look, dude, I've been though this with her. I tried warning her off of you, scaring her off sex... Hell, I even tried bribing her with hot college ass. She wants you. There just isn't another choice for her. Fuck knows why, but you're it. Congratulations."_

My reflection in the glass dared to smile, before I swallowed it back. "And if she gets hurt?"

There was a pause. _"She knows the risks Em. Just do her a favour? Never forget how important this was. She's not going to forget this - or you - for the rest of her life. Make it worth remembering."_

I almost buckled under the pressure, but something in Leah's words spurred me on. This _was _Bella's choice. Our whole relationship was about choices and risks and choosing the path you're supposed to. If the one she chose led her to me, then I couldn't find fault with it, not when she was waiting upstairs for me, on her bed ready for me to show her exactly how I felt about her.

_"But yeah,"_ she sighed cutting into my conclusion and lowering her tone to gravel, "If_ you really want the standard Quil opinion...'Get in there, dude! Smack that! Hit that so hard, who ever pulls you out will be the next king of England... etcetera.'"_

Squeezing my eyes shut, I shook my head. "Oh God, just stop," I laughed, "Alright... Uh... Thanks, Leah. You've given me plenty to think about."

_"Sure thing, Home-slice. Oh, and don't worry, Swan's on the Pill. Happy banging!"_ she crowed, and the line went dead. My jaw dropped as I looked at the device, leaving me with some kind of shocked frown. Fuck! I hadn't even thought of that before she mentioned it. Maybe this _wasn't_ such a good idea, if I was making such grave lapses in judgement.

Tapping the phone rhythmically off my palm, I turned in thought back to the hall, not quite looking at anything as the last protests made their case. I was at the foot of the stairs when I _sensed _her. Slipping the phone back in my pocket, my gaze trailed slowly up those steps, settling on pink toenails, pale, flawless legs and sleep shorts. She'd ditched the sweater she was wearing, and stood above me in just a thin cotton vest. I felt unworthy and fortunate, all at once, but when I met those eyes and the confused, unsure look within them, the decision made itself.

"Hey," I said pathetically, taking my first step towards her.

"Everything okay?" she asked, her eyes darting around the room to the dark as her confidence wavered.

I nodded."Yeah, Leah just wanted to make sure I was here," I explained, knowing it wasn't what her question meant, at all.

Her breathing became laboured with nerves, and her lips formed the shape of words she didn't yet say. Steeling herself, she tried again. "Look, if you want to slow things d-"

"I don't." I cut in, taking another step up. "I just want to be sure this isn't gonna be something you regret."

Her lips curled on one side, a tiny frown giving way to a sigh. "Weren't you listening, before?" she asked softly, "Haven't we been over this?" She took another step downstairs. "I'm sure about this.. I _want _this. Don't you? I mean, I don't want to force you-"

I looked to her with alarm. "Bella, believe me," I said with a soft laugh, hand tugging on the hair at the back of my head self-consciously. "Doing this... with _you, _would probably be the sweetest punishment on the planet." A small eruption of goosebumps formed on her skin at my words, and it was easier to make out the details of her body beneath her shirt. My mouth went dry.

"Bella," I said, "I want you so bad, I feel like I'm gonna burn."

Her eyes darkened, and the scent of her own desire turned the air heady and my legs didn't wait for permission before they stepped up, leaving us eye-level for the first time. Was this even real? I was barely sure I could feel the floor beneath my feet; almost like I wasn't quite obeying gravity. Her breath teased my mouth, eyes darting to my lips momentarily before she looked into mine again.

"Then why don't you have me?" she said. And that was it.

A chaos of soft touches and fevered kisses followed, a mess of hands and lips and short breaths and pounding hearts. Arms around my neck and legs around my waist were all the encouragement I needed, and I carried her back upstairs, barely navigating through the darkness as we knocked over lamps, caught on door-handles and tripped at tables, and Bella barely noticed anything but me. The scent of almost-spent wax, the hum of soft music and the faint glow of flame was the beacon leading us to our destination – to Bella's room, and the next stage of _us._

Clearing the doorway, she pulled away and cast a cursory glance before smiling. "How... did we..." she breathed between kisses, "...Nevermind." She gave up speaking up as I trailed my bottom lip down the column of her neck, it elicited a contented hum as I approached the bed.

I laid her down gently among the sheets; the silken curtain of mahogany framing a face that I hadn't seen look so free or exhilarated in months, and I had to drop my face into her neck, just to try and get a grip on everything barrelling through me. I felt like I was about to burst, had to smile, and needed to touch every inch of her skin at once. I settled for nuzzling the soft skin beneath her ear, making her squirm and claw at my shoulders. As I traced a hand up her rib-cage, teasing at the skin beneath her shirt and approaching the swell of her breast, her breaths caught and one knee rose to my hip; not quite willing to stop me, and startled by everything new she was experiencing.

Her grip on my upper-arms became tighter, an attempt to hide the trembling of her fingers. I lifted my face, taking in the worried smile she gave me before leaning in for another kiss. I clenched my muscles, taking one hand and laying it beside her head as I watched her. Firm, reliable.

"Bella, relax," I soothed. "It's just me, okay?"

She locked those infinite eyes on mine and nodded, and I have never felt such responsibility in all my life. Now was the time. For whatever crazy reason, she believed I was the guy for her; the one who could be everything for her, and know what she needed.

"Just... go slow, okay?" she asked. "And um, we're okay in the... _protection_ department, alright?"

Reassurance. Wasn't that all any of us craved?

I tried to hide the bashful smile with a kiss to her forehead. "Yeah," I breathed into her hair.

Leaning back on my knees, I traced her cheekbone with my thumb, aware that my other hand was still flirting with the skin of her stomach. She's relaxed into it, contentedly laying beneath me. "I'll take care of you, B, you know that, right?"

She leaned into my hand, eyes drifting closed with a nod. I felt her delicate touch snake down my abs to locate a belt-loop, and she tugged me back over her. Her eyes opened, and the sexiest fucking smile I've ever seen dawned over her face. "I know you will."

I couldn't fight it, there was no going back now. I covered her body with mine and all hesitation ended. I was so ready for her, I thought my skin was on fire, and her soft lips leaving their own paths over it, coupled with the experimental squirming of her hips and the parting of her knees wasn't helping my situation. I was sure she could feel what it was all doing to me beneath my pants, but all I wanted was more.

Her scent was everywhere, and the need to touch the skin I'd spent so many nights fantasizing about overtook me. I explored her pulse-points.

The back of her knee. _Ticklish. _

My thumb on her inner thigh. _Goosebumps._

Lips on her neck. _Racing pulse._

_I_ was doing this to her, these minute gestures that were wreaking havoc on her self-control. But through it all, I felt the tension seep from her muscles, and her smiles became less pained as she gave over and just bathed in the sensation.

"Fuck, Em," she breathed, grabbing another handful of hair. The feelings emboldened her own movements, and I sucked in a steadying breath when her hand sneaked beyond the boundaries of where it had previously been and firmly - but playfully - squeezed my butt.

I smirked into her cheek, finally taking that as an open invitation to let my hand close over the swell of that perfect breast, thumb over her nipple, and felt Bella arch right off the bed towards me. I wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her fully upright against my chest.

"You get handsy, so do I," I teased, nose to nose.

She nipped at my mouth and smirked. "Just getting to know you," she chimed innocently, hands once again inside my pants, raking her nails over my skin.

"I see.. would you and my ass like a moment alone?" I asked, cupping the back of her head with one palm and exposing her neck to kisses and tastes. She gave an abashed little chuckle, breathy from my ministrations as she felt how _I'd _been affected by this through our clothes.

"I'm sorry," she giggled, and my left butt-cheek received another squeeze. "It's just..." The noise she made was one I was sure had only every been heard in all-male strip-clubs before now. "_Damn_, Em..."

"I think you _do _like my 'everything'," I spoke into her collar-bone, chest puffed with male pride.

"I like _this,_" she said, and once again the merchandise received a pinch.

"You're gonna leave a mark," I warned, clenching under her hand and nipping at the muscles of her shoulder with my teeth. "Besides, it's no fair if you get all the fun."

Tortuously, my hands disappeared beneath the shirt above her pelvis, and I gently raised it, stroking my fingers over her cool skin, until I had no choice but to lift my chin and lean back, gauging her reaction one last time. She looked to me trustingly and raised her arms, eyes locked on mine the entire time to to pull the vest above her head and discard it on the bed beside us.

It felt like an electric shock went straight through me the first time I looked at her; all pale here, pink there, and completely flawless. I closed my eyes to steady myself, pulling a breath in through my mouth before chancing another look with hooded eyes.

"Shit, Bella... you're... wow," I stammered, feeling like a cheesy idiot. It was completely worth it, though, when the relief panned over her face and she gently took my hand, guiding it to her waist.

Leaning her back down into the pillows, it was all I could do not to purr or something equally as strange – my body didn't know what to do with all of this, the anticipation and hormones and racing pulse. Her skin tasted like everything I'd ever craved and never knew I wanted, and I made a mission of intimately getting to know each detail of her torso, cataloguing each place that made her gasp or smile or groan when touched. My tongue on her nipple caused her fingers to rake enthusiastically across my scalp, her knees parting to welcome me between them; an act of desire and trust that made me wonder for the hundredth time how the hell I got so lucky.

With a hand on her thigh, I circled her navel, my breath tickling the flesh and causing the delicate muscles in her stomach to contract as she noiselessly laughed. Reaching the top of those tiny cotton shorts, this was the last hurdle. Bella tipped her head slightly to catch my eyes and raised her hips, the last invitation I would ever need.

Reverently, I lowered them over those perfect legs, desperately holding myself back from tasting her once she was fully exposed.

I kissed her thigh, her hip, trailing my nose and lips higher over her form and pausing only when I reached her breasts to reacquaint myself with each, all while Bella whimpered and gasped and emitted scents and sounds which were pretty much taking a sledgehammer to my self-control.

Sitting back on my heels, I took in one last calming breath to rid the shudders from my spine and the burning in my veins before moving over her. _Be careful. Go slowly. Let her set the pace._

I watched her expression carefully as I shed my clothes, finally settling between her thighs and finding the unmistakable sense of belonging. She sucked in a sudden breath as I trailed my hand delicately between her legs; pupils dilating with desire as the first soft groans made their way past her lips. She encouraged me with her expressions, accepting my movements over her tiny bundle of nerves hungrily as I brought her closer to coming undone... before I stopped. It was too much – for both of us – and I desperately wanted this to last.

Attempting to catch her breath, Bella cupped my cheek with one hand, smiling softly as she gulped past the emotion and the racing of her heart. "I'm glad I waited, Em," she croaked, voice breaking with sentiment. "I'm glad it's you."

I could say nothing, so I kissed her, closing my eyes and trying not to combust right then and there.

I took her hand, placing it on my shoulder and met her eyes meaningfully. "This will probably hurt, Baby, but I'm not going to do anything you can't handle. You're not doing this alone."

She nodded swiftly, and I moved my hips into position.

"Kiss me?" she requested, bringing both hands either side of my face. Capturing her lips with mine, I felt her let go, her body relaxing as she fell into the kiss. As her breathing became deeper, I teased at her entrance with the head of my shaft, experimenting with how much she could take.

Raising her knees around my waist for encouragement, she held me in place with her kisses, urging me onwards. Slowly, I guided myself inside, breathing through the intensity of how she felt around me, the warm, wet heat of her most intimate place, and the enormity of the moment. I was less than half-way when Bella tensed a little, the pain beginning to contort her face with discomfort. Beads of perspiration were holding her hair slick of her forehead, and I kissed her temple.

"It's okay, Baby, just breathe," I soothed, and she took in a breath.

"Do it, please... I just need. Please. I just _want_ you," she asked, threats of a tear gathering at the corner of her eye.

Pressing my forehead to hers, I mirrored her breaths, and did it. There was a moment of silence and absolute guilt as she clenched her teeth shut and powered through the pain. After what felt like too long, she spoke. "Move, Em... please.."

I started with slow circles of my hips, feeling her lips on my neck as I attempted to soothe the ache we _both _had. I _would_ make this worth it, and I _would _make this worth remembering for her. I didn't want her to need anyone but me, and I'd spend the rest of my days proving her right that she'd chosen the right guy, if she'd let me.

Soon, the expression on her face relaxed, and once again Bella's hands roamed over me, making her own mental map of each muscle and sinew of my body. Her hands dipped over my spine, reaching the movements of my behind as she tracked each slow, torturous thrust. A soft moan was released into my neck, and the surge of arousal that simple noise gave me should have been illegal. I was throbbing inside of her, each muscle of my body coiling into a spring and all I wanted was to let go and lose myself in her.

As if sensing that I was holding back, Bella nipped lightly on my ear-lobe.

"I won't break, Em," she breathed, tongue moving to trace the shell of my ear and my rhythm momentarily lost momentum. "Please... enjoy this."

Her voice was all I needed to hear as my hips sped up slightly, liquid fire pooling deep within me as Bella's moans turned to groans, and she gripped me tighter, holding me as if I'd disappear. Our bodies gleamed in the candle-light with a sheen of sweat and need, and it took all the concentration I had not to find my release before she did.

_Make it worth remembering._

I nipped at her neck, my hands seeking out the newest parts of her form that I'd become acquainted with. I pulled a nipple between my lips and ran my tongue around it, Bella's body responding to every single touch with closed eyelids and an arched back.

Without warning, her eyes shot open, and those perfect lips formed an 'O' as she hurtled over the edge, inner-muscles clenching in a rhythm of ecstacy which made her body shake and her cries echo from the ceiling.

Finally, I let go, and my own release was more intense and extended than any I'd felt before. Everything was different, the world was different, _we _were different, and I never wanted anything to be the same again. As I wrapped Bella in my arms, still buried inside her heat, and pressed after-glow kisses to her cheeks and lips, my body relaxed. It had happened – it had happened to _me _and I could scarcely believe that it wasn't all some vivid fantasy that I'd wake from.

Even _my _world couldn't be that cruel.

I took in the contented expression on her face, how she looked back me with a secret trust that none could break and I knew, from that moment on that nothing and no-one was going to take this away from me.

Bella believed I deserved her, so nothing else mattered, not even those who wanted to break us.

Let them all try – I was ready.

* * *

**A/N: ****I hate virginity lemons, I should have made her have drunken sex with Mike Newton months ago, just so I didn't have to write about it. UGGH.**

**Also, I wanted to thank anyone who nominated me in the Emerging Swan Awards. I completely forgot to ask you guys to vote before the deadline, so I'm not exactly expecting to win - BUT having 5 noms was a treat in itself! I was floored! I don't know what y'all were thinking but.. wow! :)**

**Sooo...thoughts on this chapter? Who else wants a little squeeze of Embry's ass? **


	28. I Couldn't Feel Any Better

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**Suggested Listening: I've Been Thinking by The Narrative, Soldiers by Ben Howard, I Am Yours and You Fuckin' Did It by Jason Mraz, Irish Song by Chief, Every Thug Needs A Lady (acoustic) by Alkaline Trio, Wait by Alexi Murdoch(For Leah)**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: I Couldn't Feel Any Better (Or I'd Be Sick)**

**Bella POV**

"_How lucky can one guy be? I kissed her and she kissed me...Like the fella once said, ain't that a kick in the heeee-aaaad?"_

I knocked again. "Em? I know you can hear me. Come on, I really don't know when Charlie's gonna be back. Do _you _want to have to explain why you're here?"

"Just a second!" he called over the sound of running water, and I heard the cap being pulled off something and discarded into the tub. We'd agreed not to advertise what had happened last night, which went hand-in-hand with Embry's need to shower in case the wrong person got a whiff of his scent - or rather, _my _scent.

Thing is, I hadn't known much Embry really _loved _ to shower. It wasn't so much showering, but singing. In the shower. He'd been having a personal concert for himself going on twenty minutes now, while I'd stood outside for the last two, hand over my mouth and trying not to laugh at how freakin' _adorable _ that was.

"_My head keeps spinnin', I go to sleep and keep...grinnin'. If this is just the beginnin', my life is gonna be be-auuu-ti-ful!__"_

Truly, he had a pretty good voice. Like one of those old crooners, or Renee's current imaginary boyfriend, Michael...something. I cleared my throat one more time as he continued.

"_I've sunshine enough to spread, it's just like the fella said-__"_

"Em, you know that I can hear you singing, right?"

And just like that, he cut off with a choke and what sounded like my entire shelf of bathing products being hauled around the room. I laid my forehead on the door, shaking my head as the mental image of him trashing the place washed before my minds eye. There was an uncomfortable grunt before the water was shut off.

"I... did _not _know that. Uh.. okay. I'll be right out!"

A brief shuffle of plastic bath products could be heard before the door opened, and there he stood - in all his glistening glory - while my mouth went dry and the power of speech failed me. Embry _Front-Cover-Of-Men's-Health_ Call was standing before me, droplets making paths down his torso and hair parted and swept over on one side like some fucking Hollywood icon, in nothing but a tiny, black towel.

He gave me a sheepish grin, eyebrow cocked uncomfortably with a shrug. "Sorry, I kinda lost track of time."

"It's fine," I smiled , somehow being brought out of the heated daze by his display of awkwardness. It was still Embry, beneath all that muscle and majesty and sheer perfection. I was all the more aware of it now - aware of exactly what that body could do, what I knew it had truly been built for, and all the promise of what I had yet to experience.

"_Bella, relax. It's just me.."_

The flashback sent a delighted shudder through my body, and I turned my back to him, feigning distraction in the form of a sip of coffee. I wasn't yet quite willing to make it so obvious what the sight of his half-naked form was really doing to me. I could never look at Embry quite the same way again - and I couldn't have been happier about it.

I never thought that last night could have turned out so... incredible. I'd spent the day in a anxious trance, trying to distract myself until that moment came when I feared it was the end. My relief at who it was, and what he had to tell me, was at least partly to blame for the lightness in my step and the easiness of my smile this morning.

Admittedly, knowing that Paul hadn't actually imprinted was a blow. I'd been so positive that it was going to happen - and told myself that he would fight it - that when it didn't I was thrown for a loop. I'd needed it more than even _I_ realised, and probably could have done a better job of hiding my disappointment. Of course, He _knew. _Without words, Embry was able to tell what was turning over in my mind even as I thought it.

As soon as he shared his theories with me, how he believed that somehow, my sacrifice had saved them from - arguably - the curse of imprinting, a weight had lifted. I clung to it with all the hope I had, letting it bubble through me and float skyward with a happiness that was all down to the amazing guy standing in my room. But my happiness soon became clouded - for him to tell me that he believed_ he_ was undeserving, that he hadn't imprinted on me because _he _wasn't good enough, well, that was just impossible. How could Embry believe that about himself? How could he possibly think that he didn't deserve all the happiness that life had to offer?

No. I remember realising that I needed to show him, and I needed him to see that sometimes, life _did_ work out. I hadn't planned any of it, but the feeling of destiny, simply of _rightness_ when I first surrendered to his kiss instantly made up my mind - I was _supposed _to share this with him; he was _meant _to be the one to navigate me through the unknown and the inevitable fear that came with this level of intimacy. Embry could speak my mind without asking me a single thing. He could tell my needs before I even knew what they were. I'd meant what I'd said in that moment, whenI looked into his eyes.

I was glad I waited. I was glad that it was him.

Embry had told me once not to give up on finding my own contentedness. By whatever twisted, convoluted sequence of events, we'd found our way to each other through heartbreak and unrequited feelings. Now, I didn't know how I'd managed to waste so much of my life without him so close. Embry _was _my happiness. He was the silent interlude when I laughed too hard at his dry humour, the butterflies in my stomach when I saw him smile at me and the first warmth after the cold rain of a raging storm. I was falling for him, and what we'd shared in the past twelve hours was just the beginning of a life I'd thought I was destined to glimpse from the outside, or through tortuous dreams and memories.

Now, _I _had the recollection of his touch on my skin, the look in his eyes as he laid me down in the sheets, and the feeling of his body moving within and around mine. I could never see him again without the whispers of reassurance, the quickening of his breath in pleasure or the echo of his voice softly calling me 'Baby' in my memory; and that knowledge made my chest fill to bursting point with nerves and excitement and anticipation of what could possibly come next.

I'd woken up to a heated embrace and his soft kisses to my hair, and for one, blissful minute, I could pretend we had all the time in the world to enjoy each other. Until the realisation hit that we were in my house - in my bed - with a father who could come home any minute. Waking up and finding that it hadn't been some improbable dream was the hardest thing to get used to. The caress of Embry's hair through my fingers, his tangible heat on my skin and the play of his breath fanning over my chest felt like some new torture my mind cooked up, just to mess with me a little more. His kiss was a jolt to reality, the urgency on his lips feeding my own celebration that yes, this _was_ happening, he _was _here.

Then the ache at the base of my abdomen hit, and the memory of how_ much_ I'd shared with him last night filtered through my brain, slamming the brakes on any plans for a repeat performance.

They don't tell you any of this crap in romance novels.

So that left us now, hopelessly dancing around each other, trying to reign in the burn of hormones that had been unleashed. I'd never 'gotten' the whole deal with sex, but now... well, Embry kind of needed to get dressed, and soon.

I took another sip of coffee, reigning in my ridiculous fluctuations in hormones just enough to turn back to him. "Come on, you need to get dressed. I left one of Charlie's shirts for you in my room."

He was leaning on the door frame, chewing his lip to fight some kind of smirk. Of _course. _ He knew exactly what was going on with me. Like _that's _not humiliating, or anything.

"Yes, Ma'am," he snickered, lazily pushing himself off the wood and taking a step toward me - in the wrong direction - all macho pride and knowing looks. "That still hot?" he asked huskily, stopping close enough for me to feel the heat coming off his chest, and gestured to the cup.

I eyed him, nodding slowly. Alright, well mission accomplished... Embry was displaying a confidence that was new and disconcerting and kinda _sexy _all at once. He took the cup from my hand, dragging a slow sip while training his eyes on me.. before his brow wrinkled, and he spat the contents of his mouth back into the container.

"Eugh, could have warned me you have a half-pound of sugar in there," he groaned, sticking his tongue out and smacking his lips together, reminiscent of my grandma whenever she got new dentures. I laughed, covering my mouth and nose with my hand as he completely exaggerated how bad it tasted.

"Oh come on, I thought you could smell anything," I teased, fighting off another giggle. His face melted into a reprimanding smile before he steeled his jaw.

"I thought it was just _you_ that smelled so sweet," he said cheesily, one dimple making an appearance on his left cheek in an exaggerated sneer that he could only be described as a Paul Lahote impression. Yeah, he didn't 'do' sleaze well, and we both knew it. I rolled my eyes as he laughed, this time really turning off in the direction of the kitchen.

"Oh-kay, Cassanova, I'll make you your own cup if you promise to just _get dressed, _for crying out loud."

"No sugar!" he called after me, finally moving to fulfill my request.

I was by the kitchen sink, succumbed to thought as I dried off last night's dishes, when a knock came to the door. I stiffened, casting a glance back to the stairway and at a loss as to what to do. The knock came again, this time more insistent and I moved slightly to try and make out the shadow on the frosted glass of the back door.

"Bella? I can hear you moving in there! Come on, let me in! I need to use your bathroom!"

My eyes widened, instantly seeking out a way to attract Embry's attention, but unable to without Quil's knowledge. I turned indecisively for a second on the spot, grasping the dish towel nervously in my fingers as Quil repeated my name. With a resigned sigh, I opened the door, inwardly praying that Embry would hear him and make some kind of escape. Keeping our relationship quiet would be pretty impossible if Blabbermouth Ateara was in on it.

I blocked his path with my body, not quite opening the door as an invitation. "Why can't you go out in the woods, like a real wolf?" I asked his fidgeting form. He was shuffling from one foot to the other and scowling at me.

"I'm not an _animal, _Bella. Besides, I saw on the Discovery Channel that there are these fish, right, and they swim up inside your junk while you're peeing and..._hook on_," he said, with a paling look of absolute distress that I'd never seen on him before. I pressed my lips together at his confession, fighting the urge to laugh or sigh at him. Bloodthirsty vampires? Piece of cake. Tiny fish stabbing his penis? The stuff of Quil's nightmares.

"I'm pretty sure those live in the Amazon, Quil, and just in the water, being _fish _and all... Where the hell were you planning on doing it?"

"Bella, I don't have _time_ for this, okay? Let me in!"

I smirked triumphantly at him for a beat before his gaze trained over my shoulder. "What the fuck?"

My blood ran cold at the thought that Embry had somehow made it all the way down here without realising what the hell was going on. I turned, following his gaze to _nothing_ behind me, but it was too late. Seeing his opening, he whizzed past me and made for the stairs, calling "Thanks Bella!" on the way.

I cursed in his wake, bracing myself for the discovery I was sure Quil was about to make as soon as he exited that bathroom. I couldn't help but follow after, still clinging to the futile hope that Embry had somehow made a Spiderman exit.

But it was too late.

Rounding the top of the stairs, I was confronted with the sight of Embry, stock-still, wide-eyed and fully dressed, holding my phone in one hand - and Quil, lips pressed together in confusion coupled with a narrowed, perplexed stare. They faced each other, like a Mexican stand-off, neither willing to speak first.

I drew in a quick breath, knowing that any hope of keeping this a s secret, just for us - and Leah, I guess - disappeared the second Quil cleared the top step. The sound of my approach gathered both of their attention, and just like that, the dam broke.

"Why are you... What's-" Quil stammered between us, nostrils flaring at the scents he was encountering, as Embry avoided his gaze. We hadn't talked about it, but I instinctively knew that no matter how happy Embry was about what was developing with us, keeping it from Quil was a downside. They told each other everything, and it just now dawned on me what coming between that could mean. Would Quil get mad at me? Resent me for coming between them?

Embry cut into my thoughts as he held out my phone. "Bella, you have a voicemail from the Police Station," he said, jerking the phone again to encourage me to take it. Grasping blindly, I looked between both men once more before letting my gaze fall on the screen. I don't even remember habitually pressing the 'call' button, but soon Charlie's voice was slicing into the tension.

"_Hey Bells, tried calling but you must still be asleep. Anyway, I napped for a few hours in the station, but I'm headed out again to help clear some of the debris. Hope everything's alright. Call me if you need anything."_ The line went dead, and I cut off the message-inbox-lady with a half-hearted push of the button.

The wheels in Quil's head were turning, and he looked from me back to his best friend. "So... Chief wasn't home last night..." he deduced, cocking his head to one side as he studied Embry's guilty expression.

Taking pity on my - whatever I should be calling him - I interrupted. "Quil, didn't you have to pee or something?"

The reminder triggered an instant response, and a mumbled 'Shit!' fell from his mouth before he slammed the bathroom door behind him. Embry looked to me wide-eyed, mirroring my own panicked expression. I turned back to the stairway, motioning for him to follow so we could talk and trying not to wince at the pain the lower-half of my body was going through because of _last night. _All the while, a contented groan echoed from the bathroom, and Quil vocally reminded himself - and us - of the perils of taking on reigning champ Seth in a "_Big Gulp One Minute Challenge"_.

When we reached the kitchen, I turned, burying a hand in my hair. "I'm sorry, he pretty much barged in!" I hissed, still watching the way we came for a sign of our uninvited guest. "Didn't you hear him?"

Embry held out his hands. "I heard you talking to someone at the door, but I didn't think it was _him. _Your phone was ringing at the time, I was kinda distracted," he said apologetically, watching me pace.

"Okay well.. he _knows,_" I said resignedly, still hoping he'd disagree.

"Yeah, he's got a pretty good idea. It's not like we can deny anything. What do we do?"

I sighed, my next sentence cut off by the sound of Quil's footsteps on the stairs.

"You know, girls are ruthless, and you should think about what you're doing," he said, eyes focused on Embry with mirth. "Yeah, that's right - I figured you guys out, shockingly. The first clue should have been when she wouldn't let her good friend Quil come inside in his time of need."

I looked to my feet ashamedly, knowing that he wasn't going to make this easy for either of us.

"But - aside from the stink of sex that is the _entire _first floor of this house, I _should _have known when I heard you whistling before you came out of Bella's bedroom."

The heat staining my cheeks could probably have given the two werewolves in the room a run for their money - and I reflexively tucked my chin into my chest in discomfort. After a cursory glance, Embry chewed on the inside of his cheek and then sighed.

"Alright, ha-ha, Quil. You got us. Can you spare the Sherlock Holmes routine right now?"

Quil ignored him, giving me a devilish smile as he pulled out a chair for himself. "You see, what you might not know about my good friend, partner in crime, my brother-from-another-mother _Embry _here, is that he loves to sing."

I tried not to smile for fear of encouraging him, I really did, but the memory of Embry's private show in the shower this morning came to mind, and I released a little splutter, before shooting an apologetic look to the object of Quil's taunts.

"I, uh, noticed that, yeah."

Quil leaned back on the chair and raised his eyebrows. "Oh you _did, _huh?" He smirked again, running a thumb over his bottom lip to smooth it out. "Well, did you also know, that, depending on the type of song, you can tell exactly what's going on inside that sexy, mysterious, oh-so-complicated brain of his?"

Embry rolled his eyes, sighing as he approached the coffee pot. "I'm making fresh coffee. Anyone else want coffee? Bella? Because Quil's sending me to sleep right now."

"He never did appreciate my comedic timing," Quil hissed at me in some skewed form of a stage whisper. Embry just stopped acknowledging him and got to work filling the pot with fresh water.

"Anyway, as I was saying, this took me a while to figure out but I think I got it down pat. Y'see, Em sings because he's not much of a talker, so the emotions have to work their way out somehow. When he's nervous, or pretty excited about something, it's hip-hop."

Embry stopped to turn to him, throwing him a glare that said '_what the hell are you smoking_', but Quil carried on, undeterred. A smile teased at my lips as the memory of Embry rapping on my front porch filtered through. _Nervous, huh?_

"Okay," I said, "I can see what you mean." I was starting to play the part now, settling in for a class of _'Embry 101'_. Quil did seem to know his stuff, after all. "And what else?"

"If he's happy, it's classic rock. We're talking Zeppelin, AC/DC, Sabbath... that kinda stuff. He tends to sing that if he feels like he's achieved something, like acing a test, taking down a vamp.. something like that."

"Like say, if he kisses someone for the first time?" I asked, sliding a glance behind at Embry's stiffening back. Quil smiled gleefully and clapped once before pointing both trigger-fingers at me.

"By George, she's got it!"

"What was it, again? Oh... '_You Shook Me All Night Long', _right?" I frowned to my feet with a smile before looking back at Embry. His shoulders squared, but he still hadn't turned to us, pretending to be fully immersed in the task at hand. The scent of fresh coffee began filling the air, and he picked a mug from the sink, rinsing it and setting it by the percolator. He braced both hands on the counter and started nervously drumming out a rhythm I didn't recognise.

Quil's eyebrows shot up, and he momentarily frowned before training his expression back to the one we knew and loved - yet his eyes, they were tinged with a sadness I was seeing for a second time, from back in the days before he shot up six inches and packed on thirty pounds of muscle.

"That long ago, huh?"

This time, Embry did turn. "I wanted to tell you, man, I-"

Quil cut him off, expression once again lighting up with an unshared secret as he leaned forward in the chair.

"But you know when you know that Embry's _really _happy? I mean top-of-the-world, smiling-at-strangers, doing-that-weird-elbow-dance-he-thinks-is-cool _ecstatic?_" He looked back at his friend, who was now pouring coffee into a mug and acting like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"The Rat Pack. When Em starts bustin' out the real classics - Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., that's when something huge went on in his life. The time he got his dirt-bike, he serenaded the fucking thing every chance he got."

Quil's eyes sought out his friend again, and a wistful smile tugged at his mouth. " His mom constantly plays those old records, so they're kinda etched on his brain. Makes sense that after the night he spent at that club with _you, _Bella, there was nothing in his head but '_The Way You Look Tonight'_ for about a week. "

Sensing the thinly veiled tension in the air, I gave him a kind smile and took the seat opposite, knowing that this wasn't about me, and never really had been; Quil was hurt, and we needed to let him vent his frustrations in a way only he could - through humour.

"It should've made sense once I heard you rockin' the old Sammy Davis Jr. this morning. Only sleeping with the girl you've been pining after for_ months_ warrants a big hit like that. Call me naive, but I thought I'd know about something like this."

"Look, man, I'm sorry..." Embry started to say, before Quil cut him off, yet again.

"Y'know, I think I will take that coffee. _You_ know how I take it. There isn't much you _don't _know about me." He turned to me again, giving me a bright smile that was at once disarming and heartbreaking.

"I'm sure Bella could use a few tips. I mean, you've been together.. huh, a week? No wait, two. Wow."

Giving Embry an apologetic look as he set down Quil's cup and took a seat, I sighed, wondering how to fix this, or if it was even my place to do it.

"So hmm. Embry facts. Well, you know he's a total movie nerd, right? And you know about his weird singing habits. What else?" he asked the room, though neither of us dared to answer.

"When he was a kid, he was deathly afraid of flamingos," he chuckled, and I couldn't help but crack a smile. "Yep. _Gayest _bird there is, and this guy's got a full-on phobia."

Even Embry dared smile this time, shaking his head at the table-top at his friend. "These aren't even tips. You're just stating embarrassing facts about me."

"They're fucking pink, man! PINK!" Quil laughed, and I descended into giggles despite myself.

Embry shrugged. "Their legs freaked me out, what can I say?"

"You're still a fuckin' pussy, you know that, right?" He turned back to me, frowning in recollection. "There was also this thing with cats, but eh... come on, what _dog_ likes cats? One time he tried to jump this 'dead' cat we found on a skateboard, but the thing moved at the last second, so he dived off like he was in _Die Hard_ or something. The cat didn't give a shit, and he sprained his wrist."

"Alright professor, I think she's heard enough," Embry cut in, but Quil wasn't finished.

"He didn't kiss a girl until he was fifteen."

"Neither did you!" Embry exclaimed.

Quil held a finger to his lips, hushing the protest. "This isn't about _me._ Stop deflecting." He calmly turned his focus back on me and gave a thoughtful look. "He also didn't touch a boob until he was seventeen."

Embry grunted petulantly into his hands and flopped his head on the table with a dull thud. I chewed on my lip, desperately trying to hold in the laugh that filtered through anyway.

"And lets see, no sugar in his coffee, when he makes this face-" he scowled, jutting out his chin and cocking up one eyebrow disapprovingly, "- he thinks your genius plan is stupid and won't get you laid, so probably won't go along with it. Oh, and don't feed him cheese after midnight! Otherwise he gets really gassy and man, I'm tellin' ya..."

"Quil! Dude!" Embry barked, raising his head with one hand pressed to his forehead, eyes pinched shut.

Quil held up his hands innocently. "Hey, full disclosure here, okay? We wouldn't want to have to keep _secrets _from those we're supposed to care about, would we?"

Embry's mouth tightened in reprimand, and he looked at his friend remorsefully. "It's nothing personal, Quil. We didn't want _anyone _to know." I nodded in agreement, letting Embry take my hand subtly beneath the table. He needed the support, to know that I'd still be around no matter how Quil took this - but it was just as much for me as it was for him. Doing this was scary, and exhilarating, and made everything rapidly seem more real.

"Leah figured it out on her own.."

"Leah knows?! Goddamnit, Em, are you_ trying _to hurt me?"

Who knew Quil was so dramatic? I certainly hadn't expected _this. _Embry fought a smile, knowing that taking his concerns anything less than seriously would do us no favours. With his hand in mine, sat at my own kitchen table, I was starting to feel a lot older than my years. By making the choice to be with Embry, it looked like I'd inherited a large, potty-mouthed child. Sure, Quil may have _looked_ like a post-grad, but inside, he was just a guy, barely out of childhood who was being left out by his friends.

"That wasn't intentional. She already knew how I felt, put two and two together and confronted Bella about it. "

"And, what, you guys were just gonna keep it a secret forever?" he asked, gaze shifting between us.

"Of course not, it's just, we're still figuring out what this is," I supplied, attempting a smile.

"You're not fucking around here, are you?" he asked, a trace of surprise in his tone. Embry's mouth quirked up on one side, and he cocked an eyebrow in my direction, a silent confirmation passing between us before he spoke.

"I think you already know _my _feelings on that one, dude," he commented ruefully. I turned my gaze back to the table, picking at a chip in the wood as I reigned in the smile and the bloom of warmth that extended from his words throughout my body. Quil's brows creased upwards in a respectful acceptance.

"Well, shit, man... I kinda thought you were destined for the friend-zone. No offense."

Embry chuckled and squeezed my hand. "None taken... it was kind of a shock for me when she started confessing her undying, soul-crushing love for me... and her lust for my young, chiselled body," he deadpanned.

I bumped his shoulder with mine in admonishment. "Yeah, 'cause _that's _what happened."

"Close enough..."

"You and I have very different recollections of that night," I laughed, and Quil rolled his eyes.

"Aw, Jeez, aren't you two just the cutest thing," he muttered with a look of feigned fondness.

"Sorry," I said, "You're the first person we've actually _told _and uh... we're still in the annoying couple stage. Give us a week, we'll be out of it," I smirked.

He looked at me pointedly. "Aren't you worried? I mean... this isn't your first time out, Bella, You know how this could end."

We both shifted uncomfortably in our seats, not able to tell him how exactly we'd settled things.

"We've worked through it," Embry said simply, refusing to divulge more even as Quil's hands overturned on the table in encouragement of an explanation. "Trust me." There was a long moment of pregnant silence before Quil smacked his lips together and shrugged.

"If you say so..."

"I do," Embry retorted, his demeanor stiffening in defense. Frowning, I traced a thumb over the back of his hand in soothing circles, unnerved. Although I agreed with him, snapping at Quil wasn't going to convince anyone of our progress. Quil's eyes narrowed minutely for a beat before he looked at me in for confirmation.

"Em..?" I said questioningly, knowing that there wasn't any need for words. He shot me an apologetic look and sighed back in Quil's direction, pushing his free hand through his hair roughly.

"Sorry, man, it's just..." he blew out a breath, "We kinda lost our minds over this for a while, and I just knew people would start questioning it as soon as they found out. I guess I'm a little defensive."

Quil leaned back in his seat, throwing a half-shrug. "I get it. But I don't think it's _me _you were worried about, right?"

The name none of us dared say hung in the air around us, practically echoing off the walls. My face crumpled, and I turned away frustratedly. Of course - as soon as one problem was solved, another raised its hand and reminded us it was still there. I was taken back to Paul, a few days ago in the very seat where I was, cursing fate for throwing him bullets to dodge or deflect at every twist and turn. I knew exactly how he'd felt right now.

"You know you're going to have to tell him, sooner or later."

"That's exactly why we haven't told anyone. It shouldn't be anybody's business but ours. Why does everyone have to know _everything _in this fucking Pack?" Embry countered frustratedly, before glancing at me . "Look, I'm aware of all the reasons he should know... but there's a longer list of why he shouldn't right now. Do us a favour? Keep this to yourself, man... for us?"

Quil's jaw flexed indecisively as he looked at us, the wheels of his mind turning to let a long pause hang in the air before he spoke.

"I guess...but let me go on record as telling you this is a terrible idea, and you should tell Jake before he finds out on his own." His gaze hooded challengingly and he folded his arms.

Embry rolled his eyes. "Alright, your ass is covered... just, think about Megan Fox or something while you're phased okay?"

Quil smirked. "Don't have to tell _me_ twice." He rubbed his hands together and straightened up. "Alright then, what's for breakfast?"

"Something you're not having," Embry retorted, raising a brow. Quil frowned.

"But you guys need to buy my silence, so I won't tell everyone about the doinking. High five to Em, by the way."

My mouth gaped open helplessly at Embry, who shook his head and sighed. "You're trying to blackmail Bella into making you waffles?"

"Of course not. I'm trying to blackmail Bella into making me pancakes. And bacon."

I laughed despite myself while Embry threw up his hands. "It's like having a twelve year old."

"Hey, I could very well get my ass kicked for this, least I can get out of it is a good breakfast."

The sound of the back door being slammed turned all of our heads towards Leah, who was lumbering in with a look of annoyance on her face. Her eyes scanned the room swiftly. "I hear 'breakfast', yet I don't smell anything," she announced.

"Nice to see you too, Leah," I greeted sarcastically, getting up to start on aforementioned pancakes. Alright, so they didn't exactly ask politely, but I had a feeling we were going to need to keep as many people on side as possible.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" she asked Quil, opening the fridge.

"Trying to solve the mysteries of the universe, like why the hell Bella chose _this _loser when I made it specifically clear the day I met her that she had an open invitation to my pants."

Leah scoffed. "Because even though she's a mental case who has no idea what's good for her, she doesn't have the patience of a kindergarten teacher." She pulled out a can of soda and opened it. "You found out, then."

"Yeah, despite their ninja skills, I figured it out. It's not like anything gets past me."

"He means he barged his way upstairs and saw Embry coming out of my room," I clarified.

Leah's face broke into an uncharacteristic smile at Embry, and she cocked her head to one side condescendingly. "Well, well, look who had the follow through..."

"I had a feeling you guys weren't just talking about patrol schedules on the phone," I grumbled, while Quil frowned between us.

"You called _her _for the pre-bang pep-talk?" he asked in outrage, jerking his thumb at Leah who was hiding her smirk behind the soda can. "Come _on_, man, this is just... you're a real jerk, you know that?"

"Surprisingly, this wasn't about _you," _Embry replied, frowning before the look on Quil's face did its intended job of pulling at his heartstrings. "But yeah, I kinda missed you, man."

Quil seemed appeased, giving embry a proud, brotherly smile, while Leah scoffed. "Hey, I think I made a pretty good estimation of what he would have said."

He squared his shoulders challengingly, jutting his chin out. "Oh yeah? What was it?"

"I pretty much told him to hit that like it's goin' outta style."

Quil wilted back, narrowing his eyes at her. "Well, alright, yeah... but it's all in the delivery. You're supposed to tell him he's a badass, and that she's gonna forget her own _name _he's so awesome."

"You mean lie to him?" Leah countered, to Embry's interruption of 'hey' and my stifled laughter.

"Pretty much," Quil replied impishly. "Just don't make it obvious." He held his hands up by his head innocently, trying to hide the laughter that was shaking his shoulders, while Embry glared scornfully at him. "I'm kidding, man, I swear. I'm happy for you... and, strangely impressed."

I dipped my head to my mixing bowl, refusing to get involved when a grunted curse came from Leah, and she dived toward the back door, locking it and throwing her weight behind it.

"Don't even fucking think about it, Paul. What, are you stalking me now?" she said, turning her head to the side and directing her voice out the door.

"Don't flatter yourself, Lee. I came to see Bella," was his muffled reply.

"What's going on?" I hissed, and Leah just rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah? What's it about?" she asked him, and an unsure pause met her question. "That's what I thought. I came here to get away from you, you jackass!"

"Here's a radical thought, when you're trying to get away from me, don't choose somewhere I can run to in seven minutes! Deep down, you know that you want to work through this, Leah."

"Deep down I know that if I wanted to fuck a _woman_, I'd have become a fucking lesbian!"

Quil's mouth gaped open, and his nose wrinkled as one hand levitated to point at Leah. "You... and... and _him?_" he said, before looking to where Embry was standing at the window, trying confusedly to get a look at Paul. "Jesus Christ, has _everyone _got somebody around here but me?"

Embry straightened up, a proud smirk gracing his features before he gave a shrug. "Pretty much. We could set up a play-date for you, maybe you'll meet someone special."

My jaw hung open as I glared at him and pulled the dish towel off my shoulder, smacking him in the chest with it. "Em-_bry!_"

He gave me a look of innocence I wasn't buying, and I hoped that somehow, the comment had gone unnoticed.

"Oh, ha-ha, I get it, because I'm immature, right?" Quil said, as Paul started thumping the door. "Well, just because I'm not an old _man, _doesn't mean I'm immature. I'm just fun."

"Is that Ateara? Why the fuck does he get to be inside when I don't?!" Paul called.

"Because he didn't lose his balls somewhere in the OLYMPIC FUCKING FOREST!"

I threw down the mixing bowl and stuck a finger in my ear, shaking it with a groan of '_holy shit_' to alleviate the ringing, as Quil and Embry vocally protested at the volume of her voice.

"Leah what the hell is going on?" I demanded, wondering how the hell mine and Embry's blissful morning had descended into, well, breakfast time at Sam's house.

"He's an asshole, that's what's going on."

"I think she means specifically today..." Embry supplied, raising a mischievous brow and moving to wind an arm around my waist, resting his chin on my head.

"Well fuck me for trying to, y'know, _help!_" Paul called through the glass with a thud to the wall, as Leah grunted with frustration.

"Sam and Emily are having an engagement party at their house," Leah finally said, as if admitting the simple fact caused her great effort. Realisation dawned on me then, that Leah was being forced to confront feelings she had buried a long time ago. "This dick took me out to the middle of nowhere to 'vent' my anger. Set up things for me to smash, and even had a picnic for afterwards."

"Wow, what a prick," I deadpanned, and she shot me a withering look.

"The thing is, he won't _listen _to me when I tell him it's _fine!_" she ground out, jaw clenching harshly through her words. "I'm over it, and I'm not going to their stupid party. Besides, he seems to have forgotten the whole basis of our relationship. NO FEELINGS!"

Paul scoffed through the door. "You wanna live in denial, sweetheart, that's fine."

"Leah, he's got a point... I mean, if you're truly over it, shouldn't you at least be able to go to the party? Weddings take months of planning, and it's all you're gonna be hearing about until the big day. You gonna avoid that too?" I stepped out of Embry's hold and looked at her with guilt, knowing she'd come here for back-up, not for me to side with Paul.

"I just think this could be a good opportunity for you to really get over things, once and for all, and move on."

Leah's look of betrayal actually could have melted my face off, but something in it seemed to get to her. She stepped forward from the door and unlocked it, letting Paul hesitantly poke his head inside.

"Does that mean you're going?" he asked, hand curled around the door.

Leah folded her arms, and glared at me. "Yeah, I'll go. On one condition."

_Uh-oh._

"Bella comes too. And stays at least two hours."

_What?!_

"Leah, come on.. I haven't been around everyone on the Rez since..."

"You really think Saint Emily wouldn't invite you? Your name's on the guest list already, she's just working up the courage to call and ask... mainly because if you're there, then all the wolves can stay in La Push." Her brow raised challengingly and she leaned against the fridge, crossing her legs at the ankles. "_And, _if you're all 'sure' of everything like you claim to be - sure enough to get naked and sweaty with someone else, then it shouldn't be a problem."

She held my gaze for a long moment, and I felt the eyes of everyone in the room upon me. I didn't know how, but Leah had this uncanny ability to reach inside someone, grab on to their weakness and hold it up for everyone to see. I had to do it, or she'd never give Embry or I a break. I squared my shoulders, determined not to let her throw a spanner in the relatively smooth running of what we had.

"If that's what it takes... deal."

"Bella..." Embry said warningly, looking between Leah and I with caution.

"It's fine, Em. I'll probably have to confront this sooner or later. May as well do it with someone else who's dealing with it."

"But I mean... we're going to have to be extra careful that nobody finds anything out."

"Simple, I'm there as Leah's plus-one. Problem solved."

Leah nodded at me, a strange pride adorning her features. I realised that through my bravado, I'd touched on the truth. This really was something I needed to get through, and who better to go through it with, than my best friend? That's what she was now. Somehow, when our worlds got torn to pieces, Leah Clearwater and I had become kindred souls, two halves of a battered whole that I was grateful to be a part of.

"Sounds like a deal to me, Swan," she said softly, holding her hand out to me. I took it, smiling at her, as Paul finally chanced entering the kitchen.

"Alright then, that wasn't so hard," he said, as if he'd been the one to make sense of the mess. "So what's for breakfast?" He sniffed the air for an extended moment, his brow furrowing when no food was being prepared.

"And why does Princess B smell like sex... and..." he sniffed the air again. "...And _Embry?_"

* * *

**A/N: Wow, nothing gets by you, Paul, does it?**

**This chapter was a lot of exposition and setting up for the next few chapters, which, as you can imagine, are going to get pretty interesting. It was longer than I anticipated, but Quil just wouldn't shut the hell up!**

**Let me know what you think.**

**P.S. Are you guys reading Bluebird? Because HOLY SHIT!**


	29. The Part That Loved You Died

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Suggested Listening: Be Mine (Featuring Erik Hassle), Your Biggest Mistake, Are You Happy Now? - all by Ellie Goulding (She kinda 'gets' Bella in this story), Addicted to Love (Cover), Hardest of Hearts, You've Got The Love (Cover) – all by Florence + The Machine, My Fight For You by Greg Laswell, Tautou, The Quiet Things... and Okay I Believe You... - all by Brand New**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: The Part That Loved You Died**

"_Oh for fuck's sake, are you seriously calling me about this?_"

I switched the phone from one hand to the other, pulling another drawer out to set on the bed.

"Hey, you're the one who insisted I go. _You _get to deal with what that entails."

A grunt. _"Call's the one slipping you the salami, why doesn't he get all the stupid downsides of your overactive brain?"_

"Oh Jesus, would you _stop _with the innuendos? And I can't talk to Embry. He's been murdering Sugar Hill Gang all week, and he just starts rapping louder if I start talking about tonight."

"_That was _him_? Man, I thought I was going nuts!" _she said, and I could hear the distinct sound of palm hitting forehead. "_The kid only phases really late or really early these days, and always skulks off when there's company. You try randomly hearing 'Rapper's Delight' at four in the morning on three hour's sleep. You'd think you were going crazy too._"

"He's got this... nervous habit, I don't think he can help it."

"_He's got a crappy taste in music, is what he has. Maybe he should try helping that?"_

"Leah..."

"_I'm serious, does he take requests?"_

I smiled, despite the joke being at Embry's expense. "He's convinced Jake's gonna find out tonight, and shit will hit the fan." I chewed on my lip, my hand freezing before pulling out the next sweater from the drawer. "Do you think he's right?"

There was a pause, in which she sighed and I heard her close a door for privacy._ "Honestly? I don't know what's gonna happen. Sam's usually too wrapped up in Emily to really give me much thought – but Jake hasn't seen you in weeks. He's obviously going to notice you're there."_

"But I'll be there with you..."

"_Yeah, and so far he seems to think we're forming some Bitter Jilted Exes club. He still thinks you're not going to show."_

Rolling my eyes, I gritted my teeth through the flare of anger his assumption caused. Sure, I hadn't exactly been a ray of sunshine the last time we saw each other, but he was pretty full of himself to assume I hadn't moved on at all.

I sat on the edge of the bed, looking into the mirror of my dresser. I wasn't the same person anymore – I was better. Embry _made_ me stronger and it wasn't up to anyone else to judge whether that was right or wrong, For now, though, the cause of that improvement in my life was precious. When something feels precious, you want to protect it; you want to shelter it from every threat because you're not ready to see it torn apart.

That's what I was afraid of. Would the opinions of everyone else, everyone who couldn't appreciate what we'd been through turn it sour? I wasn't ready to find out, and that was why the clench of anxiety I'd felt upon agreeing to go to La Push became steadily more pronounced as the days dragged on.

Emily had called, hesitant but full of apologies that she hadn't been in touch. She explained her thought that I'd need some space – from her _and _Kim. Strangely, despite the hurt her arrival in La Push had caused Leah, I couldn't find it in me to resent her. Emily was as sweet and genuine as people came, and I knew deep in my heart that had she had a choice, she would never have caused everyone such anguish. Obliquely, I wondered if, had I been an impartial observer, I would feel the same way about Melanie. I'd spent so long blaming her for everything wrong in my life, and dealing with my own inferiority complex, that I hadn't let myself see it from her side.

It still felt too raw to try.

Emily didn't do well hiding her surprise when I agreed to come, quickly covering it with a rushed explanation of the time and place, set-up of the party and who would be there, glossing over the specifics with _'the usual crowd'. _I wondered if she'd have a similar flustered reaction when she found out where I'd garnered the strength it took to attend from.

Even Paul, who fought adamantly against opinions about himself and Leah, had given me a look of disbelief when he put the pieces of Embry and I together. It was quickly followed by a slow realisation as to why I'd put so much stock into his ability to fight his imprint – the imprint that never happened. For once, the ever-outspoken pain-in-the-ass stayed quiet. He had _his _guarantees, and although he'd given me some good-natured ribbing in private about working his temper up to the point of explosion, he knew better than to voice his real concerns. He knew we weren't stupid. Embry and I had no guarantees, just theories we put our faith in – theories Paul wasn't even aware of - and I wished more than anything that I could forget about that.

Later, I remembered a conversation we'd had a while ago – and I realised that Paul's failure to comment wasn't out of judgement, but rather respect for my decision. If there was one person who could appreciate a daring gesture to achieve your goals, Paul was him.

"_...it's nothing to be ashamed of, going after what you want – even if you don't think it's the best thing for you."_

Maybe Leah wasn't the only one rubbing off on me these days? Maybe my backbone was a combination of every positive influence in my life. Maybe if I kept thinking the way they did, I'd gain the courage to fight for my own happiness.

Back in the present, I was still seething.

"Oh, because the world revolves around Jacob Black," I said caustically.

"_Not the whole world, just yours."_

"Not anymore," I shot back obstinately.

"_Yeah, well, do Em a favour? Keep it that way."_

I frowned, offended that she'd assume I was that fickle; that I would take one look at Jacob and I'd be back baying at his feet like a pathetic doormat.

"I'm gonna go ahead and pretend you didn't just say that..."

"_Swan, you're talking to the one person who knows what you've been through. Even now there are certain – rare – times that it stings a little to see Sam so happy, especially when it wasn't even something he decided for himself."_

My anger ebbed at her confession, realising that it came from a place of sympathy, not condemnation.

"_Don't lie to yourself, or me. It's gonna suck, most of all because you're not used to it. If you go into this assuming that it won't, then you're setting yourself up for a nasty surprise."_

I let her words sink in, nodding in resignation before realising she couldn't see me. "Okay, I hear you. At least I'm not gonna be doing this alone, right?"

"_Sure. Tonight's gonna be a suck-fest for both of us," _she agreed. "_And to answer your question, I'm going semi-casual. You don't want to show up there looking like you're trying to win someone back... but you don't want to look like your life has spiralled into a circle of Ben 'N' Jerry's and Katherine Heigl movies either."_

I smiled - my hunch that she'd have the perfect advice was confirmed.

"Noted. Pick you up at eight?"

"_I'll be on my porch, waiting for my corsage, Gorgeous! Don't be late._"

Hanging up the phone with a laugh, I surveyed the bomb-site that I called a room. Every item of clothing I owned was on display, and a sea of dark colours covered every inch of my bed. It was times like this that I _almost _wished Alice was still around, just so I could turn over control to someone who actually liked this kind of thing.

Semi-casual. Did I even know what that meant? So... casual, but not quite. I sorted through the various hangers, finding an assortment of jeans, and really wishing I'd had the wherewithal to go shopping. Maybe I could have bought a dress.

_That's not casual, Swan!_

My inner-voice was sounding a lot like Leah these days.

Maybe I could go in between... a skirt? I was sure I'd bought some back when I was going through my Bitch-Bella stage. I rolled my eyes as every single one seemed way too daring than I'd be comfortable with. What the hell had I been trying to prove? No matter how expensive these were, to me they just seemed '_cheap_' and '_easy' _– and not in the way Leah would approve of, either. On the off-chance that everything _did _come out tonight, I didn't want to give anyone a reason to think what was happening with Embry was any less special than what it was.

Embry was no rebound.

Finally, I landed on a black pencil-skirt, one I remembered buying for a job interview I'd had back in Phoenix with Barnes & Noble – which I didn't get. That would work, right? If I put it with that lace, sleeveless blouse I'd found, maybe it wouldn't be so obvious that I spent months pining after Jacob and was now fucking his best friend.

_Whoa!_

Jesus, I had to think about shoes before _those _thoughts drowned everything out. I was the innocent party here. I wasn't going to get my disloyal brain get the better of me. I was allowed to move on, I didn't care what any of them thought.

_Yeah, stop kidding yourself – they're gonna see right through you._

Alright, that one sounded like Leah, but it was all me. I tugged the clothes and a pair of flats to my chest angrily, mentally berating myself for succumbing to the psych-out as I stormed to the bathroom. No-one knew anything, and it was going to stay that way.

* * *

The drive to Leah's was too short. I glanced at the empty space in the dashboard where the radio had been, wishing that I had something to dull the pounding of my heart and the screams of _'For the love of all that is holy, turn back!' _that looped like a broken record in my head. I felt uncomfortable, too dressed-up, overheated, and full of adrenaline. I'd made a commitment, but I had the distinct feeling that if it wasn't for Leah, I would have chickened out when Emily called me.

She was sitting on the top step of her porch, smoking a cigarette when I pulled up. At the wrinkle of my nose, she stood up, flicking the butt into the bushes and rolled her eyes. She was wearing a blue, ethnic-looking tunic dress and boots that made her look like she'd stepped off a runway, but somehow didn't care. Totally Leah.

"Stop judging me – I quit. Just still need to take the edge off, every now and then," she said, rounding the truck and opening the driver-side door. Her eyes cast over my outfit curiously as I stepped out, and she gave an approving nod. "Not too shabby, Swan. Aubergine's a big colour this season. We'll make a decent dresser out of you yet."

"Aubergine?"

"Your blouse," she said disdainfully.

"Oh.. thanks, it's not as if I didn't go through every piece of clothing I had," I grumbled, and a snort of laughter was my reply.

"Yeah, let's pretend I didn't buy this dress today, will we?"

"Deal."

A few moments of contemplative silence passed as we walked. Leah's face was pinched-looking, a thousand thoughts passing behind her eyes in the dim lights of the houses we passed.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, my eyes darting to the darkened path momentarily. I reshuffled Sam and Emily's engagement present in my grasp, opting to put it out of her sight and into the only purse I owned. It didn't really go with the outfit, but then neither did I.

She shrugged. "Same as always. I knew it was coming, I guess I kinda thought I'd be out of here before it happened."

"Before they got engaged? You wanted to leave?" I clarified.

"Yeah. I mean... that part of me? The part that loved Sam isn't here anymore. I buried her deep - and I guess I want him to be happy. I just don't want to have to sit around here wondering why it wasn't with me." She turned her head to look out into the trees, her fingers delicately tracing a silver bracelet on her wrist I hadn't seen before. "I hadn't counted on finding reasons to stay."

"I know how you feel," I said softly, swallowing past the pain for her – and for the part of myself that still wondered _why - _as quick as it surfaced. I was getting past this. Embry didn't need a twist of fate to tell him what he wanted. He knew, even before I did.

Leah smiled. "Yeah. You actually do," she said, a trace of amusement underlying her tone. "Sorry about that."

I barked out a laugh, her joke cutting into the sincerity of the moment like butter. "It's all good. At least some good came out of it."

"What's that? The hot werewolf sex?" she asked, a twinkle of mischief in her eye. My lips down-turned, and my eyebrows raised as I cocked my head in acknowledgement.

"That, yeah..." I nodded, smirking. "Also the _Bitter Jilted Exes_ club."

Leah laughed, loud and filthy. "Oh man, you're gonna make a sweet date, Swan."

Her shoulders rose and fell deeply when we reached the porch. The house looked just the same as when I'd last seen it, save for a few repairs here and there, and the door had been touched up – I could still smell the paint. I squeezed Leah's shoulder, attempting comfort when I didn't think I actually had any of my own. After shooting a wink back at me - a silent show of solidarity - she knocked. The sound of people already inside permeated the walls, and my stomach roiled at the thought of who that could include. Was Jacob here already? Was _she? _What if one of them answered the door? Where was Embry? Wouldn't he have texted me if he was already here - even to warn me if he was going to be late? I thought about retrieving my phone, just to check I hadn't missed any messages when the sound of footsteps approached from within.

The door swung open almost roughly and we were greeted by Quil, half-eaten sandwich in one hand, dressed in pressed pants and a tailored, green shirt. His eyebrows rose once he saw us, and I wasn't sure if it was out of surprise that we'd actually come or our appearance, until he whistled long and low.

"Man, no-one told me the Pussycat Dolls were coming!" he exclaimed over the bustle of people already in the kitchen beyond. My nerves momentarily broke, allowing me to laugh, loud and gratefully at him while Leah rolled her eyes.

"Thing is, he thinks that's a compliment," she muttered dryly before re-training her glare on him. "You know they used to be strippers, right?"

He shrugged, taking another bite of his sandwich. "Your point?"

Crumbs flew from his lips with the velocity of hailstones.

"That Swan and I are not strippers?" she said, stepping forward to move past him. He wrinkled his nose, grimacing innocently.

"Whatever, objective achieved," he said, before giving me a sly smile. I frowned back at him, and he leaned closer. "_Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?_" he crooned at me, before leaning back with a wink.

"Whatever you say, Quil," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"Everyone's in the kitchen, c'mon," he said, turning around and plodding back the way he'd evidently come. "Leah and Bella are here!" he called, while I cringed. Did he have to make a big deal of it?

"We know," Paul grunted, turning his head minutely from where he was leaning on the door frame to look at us. "Because you said 'I bet that's Leah and Bella!' before you answered the damn door."

His gaze stopped on Leah, eyes darkening infinitesimally as he took in the sight of her, all long legs, exposed thighs, and blue silk over caramel. That trademark smirk twitched his mouth ever so slightly, and he took a long swig of the beer in his hands.

"What's up, ladies?" he said, with the air of a predator.

"Hey, Paul," I said meekly, grateful that the first faces I was seeing were those I'd become accustomed to.

"Lookin' good, Bella," he winked, clicking his tongue and making a show of checking me out. I folded my arms, raising an eyebrow at him in a silent communication of _'Really?'_

"You too, Paul. I didn't realise you owned a shirt,_" _I chirped back, gesturing to the charcoal, fitted one he was practically sewn into. He laughed heartily and pushed off the door frame.

"I always liked a kitty with claws," he said, moving to stand in front of us before a voice from the kitchen – and the person it belonged to – occupied his space in the doorway.

"Bella?"

Kim smiled warmly at me, her once shy demeanour giving way to a new confidence that I suspected was all down to Jared. She was wearing a simple, black shift dress, but it was more grown-up than I'd ever seen her.

"Kim, wow... you look great!" I said, truly stunned at the difference in her. I'd started to feel a certain kinship with her before our budding friendship had been interrupted – two, shy introverts among a throng of strong personalities.

"So do you, Bella, Jeez! Are you wearing make-up?" she said, her eyebrows rising as she stepped forward, gesturing towards me and shaking her head. "It's great to see you." She wrapped me in a gentle hug before pulling back, revealing Jared not far behind.

"Nice to see you in something other than cupcake pyjamas, Bella," he said, moving to loop an arm around Kim's shoulder.

"Thanks... I think."

Kim smiled up at him lovingly, a look I'd seen many times before on the very face which appeared in the doorway next.

"Bella, Leah... So glad you could make it! Come have a drink?" Emily, ever the perfect hostess chirped.

Leah made a move to lead the way into the kitchen. "You guys better have something with alcohol in," she said, moving to the makeshift bar. I declined her offer of vodka, rum, beer – or some combination of the three that would likely kill me, citing the drive home as my excuse even though the roiling of my stomach screamed that I needed a little Dutch Courage. A cursory glance of my surroundings told me we were still early – there was no sign of Embry... and no sign of Jacob.

The kitchen opened out into the back yard, where several cloth-covered tables were pulled together and beautifully set with white votive candles, illuminating the enormous buffet I knew must have taken hours to prepare. Dotted around on the decking was a mis-match furniture; lawn chairs and tables evidently borrowed from various houses on the Rez in an informal pattern that didn't exclude, and rather invited conversation. The relaxed atmosphere was set off with lilting music from a sound system propped up on a crate by the door.

I followed the scent of cooking meat to Sam, hunkered over a large grill on the far end of the deck, with a look of fierce concentration on his face. He straightened up upon seeing me, offering me a curt nod and a wave of his spatula. I pressed my lips together when I noticed he was wearing an apron to protect the light blue shirt underneath.

Emily came to a stop next to me, the beginnings of a proud smile teasing at her lips as she handed me soda in a wine glass.

"This place looks amazing, Emily. It must have taken forever," I gushed, taking in the array of casseroles, pasta bakes, salads, quiches and finger-food that covered almost every inch of the table.

She nodded, sipping her own drink contemplatively. "I wanted the deck built specifically for things like this. We started preparing the buffet last weekend, most of it was frozen until today. I had a lot of help, though," she explained, before a minute crease appeared between her brows, and her eyes darted from mine. I suddenly realised where her help had come from. Seems like Melanie had replaced me in all facets of Pack life.

I smiled back brightly, feigning ignorance. "Well, your hard work paid off. I hope you got a picture of this before it gets destroyed," I said, jerking my head back to the gathered wolves in the kitchen.

She laughed lightly. "Actually, I hadn't thought of that, but you make a good point. The only reason they're being so well-behaved is because Sam held dessert hostage, like he's their dad or something."

The feeling of heat behind us drew my attention back, where Leah stepped outside holding a glass of I-have-no-idea. It smelled like gasoline mixed with paint-thinner. Her eyes fell on Sam, and something indiscernible passed between them as he caught sight of her.

"Careful he doesn't burn the house down," she sneered good-naturedly, but even a clueless person could tell it was masking something going on beneath the surface. "Kudos for making him cook outside, Emily."

Emily smiled softly over her shoulder at her. "Thanks. And thanks for coming tonight, really," she said, sincerity lacing her tone. Leah averted her gaze uncomfortably.

"Bella made me."

My mouth gaped. "I did _not-_"

"You kinda did," Quil supplied, passing us by to skulk around the buffet and scope out what he was going to make a beeline for once everyone arrived. Emily and I took his cue and followed him further outside, choosing the nearest chairs to sit on while I tried to explain myself. Leah hung back a moment, and I noticed Paul making his way towards her nonchalantly. They gravitated towards each other without even realising it, completely in sync – like he knew she needed a distraction.

"I didn't make her," I said to Emily, hanging my purse on the back of the chair. "We kind of made a deal that we showed up together or not at all."

"Did it really have to come to that?" she said, a flicker of sorrow in her eyes. I glanced at Quil, who was still immersed in trying to look innocent as he popped a vol-au-vent in his mouth, eyes shifting around guiltily.

"You knew this wasn't going to be easy for her," I said, dropping my voice low so the subject of our conversation would have trouble hearing. "And I... well, let's say I've done a lot of growing in the past few months, but this is the biggest test for me. I want to get past distancing myself because... I missed you guys. I missed coming here, and I think I've lost enough in my life without adding some of my best friends to it, too."

I licked my lips, as more voices added to the throng inside, those I identified as Collin and Brady's. My heart stuttered in fear that they weren't alone, but I couldn't determine any other names in their greetings. I focused my attention back on Emily, hoping the explanation was coming out the way I intended. I _did _want to get past this – if I was going to be a part of Embry's life, I was going to have to suck it up and get through my issues. For both of us.

Emily closed her eyes, nodding in quiet understanding at my words. When she opened them again, she flashed me a kind smile, the gesture of it not negated by the scarring on one side of her face. "I get it. We missed you to, Bella."

I returned the smile, giving a half-shrug. "Besides, there's no way I was going to miss your wedding. Sam in a suit and actual shoes? Come on."

Emily laughed, holding a hand up to her mouth self-consciously as she put her drink down on the table. Before I could react, she leaned forward in her seat, wrapping her arms around me in a tender hug.

"It's amazing to see you so... _you..._" she breathed, squeezing me a little tighter before pulling back and holding me at arms length. She narrowed her eyes. "What's your secret?"

I swallowed thickly, plastering on a smile that held in the chorus of '_Embry. Embry's your secret. Your amazing, intelligent, witty, inspiring, solid, dependable __**dirty little secret.'**_

I raised my eyebrows innocently, settling for "Great friends. It's been kind of a gift."

My own words triggered a reminder of what I still had in my purse, and I twisted in my seat to unhook the strap from the chair. "Which reminds me.. I brought you and Sam something..."

I pulled out the present, wrapped in the obligatory _'Congratulations on your Engagement' _paper, and held it out, smirking. Emily's eyes lit up.

"Bella! You didn't have to-"

"Oh shut up, I did. You guys are engaged... if you weren't already bonded for life, that'd be a pretty huge deal," I said, waving a dismissive hand towards her. "Anyway, it's nothing fancy, just something I saw and it made me laugh."

Emily accepted the gift with a 'thank-you', before holding it up and turning to look behind her. "Sam! Bella brought us an engagement present! Come help me open it!"

Her call caught the attention of not just Sam, but a couple of the others milling around the house.

"I bet it's handcuffs. Bella's got an in with the cops, remember?" Quil stage-whispered, clinking the neck of his beer with a giggling Brady.

"It's not handcuffs," I snapped back, rolling my eyes.

"_Sure_ it isn't. Don't think I've forgotten about your porn addiction," he retorted challengingly.

"Oh yeah, the S'n'M stuff really gets me going," I deadpanned, and Quil threw his head back in laughter. "Wouldn't handcuffs be kind of a waste on Sam...?"

A chorus of 'oh shit!' and whoops was my reply, before Sam diffused it with one single glare to his frat-boy brothers. He shook his head wearily in my direction, sighing good-naturedly that I'd even engaged Quil.

"Snow White's got a freaky-side, alert the media," Paul declared, and another bout of laughter rose up as Leah jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow.

"Oh my god, can you just open the gift already?" Kim whined, and I smiled at the tinge of red flooding her cheeks. We were definitely cut from the same cloth.

Sam held out his hands to Emily. "Go ahead... I get the feeling this is more for you than it is for me," he smiled, catching my eye.

"Actually you'd be right," I laughed, picking up my drink again.

Emily gave me an excited look and dove in, ripping the paper off in an uncharacteristically messy way. She frowned when she read the cover, before letting out a loud giggle that piqued everyone's curiosity.

"What is it?" Collin enquired.

"Yeah, let us in on the joke, come on!" Quil said, straining his neck to see. Emily laughed again, holding up the book – the cover of which had a picture of a small terrier peeing on a fire hydrant, below the title:

_'Way to Go! How to Housetrain a Dog of Any Age'_

Sam's stoicism broke as he fought back a smile, rolling his eyes as the pack descended around him, patting his back and reaching up to ruffle his hair. Even Leah let out a loud laugh, throwing her head backwards on Paul's chest – the intimacy of their body language completely missed in the moment.

I smirked proudly that it had been such a hit – Emily was still giggling so hard that she had tears in her eyes.

"Oh man, this is hilarious!" she said, flicking through the book and reading aloud. _"OOPS! Handling Accidents and Clean-ups...Training Your Dog to Ring A Bell..."_

The guffaws started again, teasing taunts made at Sam's expense cutting in and setting everyone off again.

"What'd I miss?" a voice from the doorway said. Instantly, everyone around me stiffened, and I froze involuntarily. I didn't have to look to know who it was. I'd heard that voice – the one I'd dreaded hearing all day – far too many times for there to be any confusion. The last time I'd seen him was in the aisle of my local grocery store, when I tore verbal strips off of him. The last time I'd heard that voice speaking to me was when I told him to stay out of my life. Once upon a time, that voice set my heart alight with nervous flutters, and now it was doing the same thing for completely different reasons.

_Jacob._

"...Guys?" he asked, confusion lacing his tone. "Jeez, now I'm getting kinda paranoid. What's up?"

A few of the wolves cleared their throats uncomfortably, before Jared turned around. "Uh, nothing... we were just laughing at Sam and Emily's latest engagement present," he said innocently, off in the direction of the house.

I dropped my head, looking at my hands on my lap, as if trying to make my body smaller.

_Maybe he won't notice that I'm here..._

"Oh yeah?" A smile in his tone. "Lemme see.."

The group parted on his barely-spoken command, and Emily bit her lip before turning in her seat, in doing so fully revealing me to him. I stared at my fingernails.

_OhFuckOhFuckOhFuck..._

I could _feel _the moment his eyes landed on me.

It felt like everything stilled; the wind stopped blowing, the music faded out into the background and all I heard was the sharp intake of breath passing Jacob's lips.

Slowly, I dragged my eyes upwards, past Emily and behind her to his torso - encased in a dark, maroon dress-shirt. The top buttons were undone, revealing a small smattering of light chest hair. His clavicle dipped in the centre, below the nervous bob of his Adam's apple. Stubble dusted his chin and jaw. His mouth formed a soundless whisper of my name. And finally, I chanced a look at his eyes. They stared, wide with disbelief as he blinked twice, three times, as if I was an apparition, and he didn't fully believe I was there.

I licked my lips nervously, summoning the courage to speak first.

"Hi Jacob," I said, lifting my hand in a small wave. My voice came out high-pitched and foreign, and the sound of it seemed to jerk him physically. Apparitions usually didn't speak.

He offered me a detached nod, closing his mouth at last. "Bella. Good to see you."

"Thanks," I said, deciding not to lie with a _'You too'. _I felt pretty fucking far from _good _in that moment. Blinking, I finally dragged my eyes away to look around. Everyone stood silently as if poised for an explosion, much like the last time I'd been here to see Jacob, but no part of me wanted that now. I needed to be able to do this. The worst part was over.

Or so I thought.

A laugh cut into the silence from the doorway, and Jacob's head jerked up, as if remembering something important. One look behind him and I amended my observations. Not some_thing. _Some_one._

Melanie stepped over the threshold, head turned slightly in conversation to someone following behind her. She looked gorgeous – dressed in a deep red silk top and skinny-fit black pants. She was wearing heels. _I _could never wear heels.

_Stop it._

I sucked in a calming breath and and looked to Leah, her eyes darting between Jacob and I unsurely. After a silent communication, her lip quirked reluctantly on one side and she squared her shoulders. "So Quil what do _you _know about handcuffs anyway?"

As if pressing 'Play' on a remote control, everyone suddenly came back to life, ribbing on Quil for his exaggerated sexploits and milling further away from us and around the back yard. Sam took hold of Emily's hand, excusing them to check on the forgotten food he'd left on the grill.

Jacob half-turned, clearing his throat and looked back to the doorway, where Melanie was still embroiled in conversation with another girl. I looked closely. That girl was familiar.

She was slender, older than I was, and had long, dark hair, cut into bangs which framed an expressive face. She smiled in conversation, and the penny dropped. That smile. I'd know it anywhere – it once decorated the features of the guy standing nervously in front of me, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and scratching the back of his head. Jacob's smile.

Rachel.

I cast a glance toward Paul, who had his hands in his pockets, and was standing much closer to Leah than a friend would. He met my gaze, eyebrows raising as his lips turned downward innocently to accent a shrug. He smiled, assuring me of his feelings towards the person I'd once feared would rip my best friend's life apart. He was indifferent. I smiled back, giving him a nod of understanding; my face relaxing for the first time since I'd heard Jacob's voice.

I still felt tense, like a coiled spring waiting for something to set me off, but this was a reason to be happy. Paul and Leah were a reason to be thankful.

I panned my gaze back over the scene, stopping at Jacob. His eyes bore into mine, a look of confusion at the exchange between Paul and I flickering in his gaze. I averted my eyes, letting them fall on my near-empty glass on the table. "Well, I need a top-up," I said to no-one in particular, moving to stand and trying to pretend that my legs didn't feel like rubber.

My steps faltered as I realised the flaw in my perfect plan – I'd have to pass Melanie to get into the house. I looked up, and panic flared in my chest. Jacob was still looking at me intently- like he had something to say. Heart pounding, I moved to take a step past him, and he turned along with me, holding out one hand to garner my attention. I slowed down, letting my gaze roam a wide arc up to his face.

His lips began to form a word, and I raised my brows, acknowledging that I was listening.

_Just get it over with, and you won't have to talk to him for the rest of the night._

Without a sound, his mouth closed once again, and I saw the tell-tale dance of muscles in his cheek as his jaw clenched shut. Words were failing him, and his shoulders rose and fell as if it caused him great exertion. He couldn't speak to me, but I didn't know whether to be relieved or not.

After an awkward pause, he pulled the outstretched hand up and scraped it over the stubble on his jaw. It caused a rustling sound as contact was made with the callouses on his fingers, their rough feel still tangible in my memory. I remembered everything about him; from the moment we'd locked eyes, it was like each and every facet of Jacob's being that I'd blocked out in the past months came rushing back, causing pain in my chest and an all too familiar sense of exclusion that I definitely hadn't missed. I had to get some space; even my hearing was attuned to every single thing about him.

He let out a frustrated breath, and his hand dropped to his side. As if giving up, he turned away, shoving it roughly into his pocket as he toed the ground. The shake of his head at the sky was the last gesture I saw before I renewed my trajectory back to the kitchen.

I watched my feet as I walked, hoping against hope that Melanie wouldn't notice me until she was far enough away not to have to acknowledge me. I hadn't accounted for Rachel.

"Holy crap, Bella Swan?" she said, dipping her head to get a better look at me. I stopped in place, cursing at my shoes before plastering on a smile and looking up. It wasn't Rachel's fault she didn't know how fundamentally fucked up my evening was going.

"Wow, Rachel! Sorry, I was in a total other place for a moment." _Or wishing I was._

She smiled kindly and stepped towards me, openly surveying my appearance. "Jesus, I think you were, what, ten the last time I saw you? Time has been good to you girl, damn!"

I blushed, registering obliquely that sparring with Quil over _porn_ hadn't elicited the same response as Rachel's compliment.

"Jake never mentioned that he invited you," she said curiously, laying an accusing fist on her hip-bone.

"Uh, he didn't. I'm a friend of Sam and Emily's... and Leah Clearwater's too," I explained, wondering if this really was the longest conversation in history, or I was just imagining things.

"Ah, I see," she smiled. "Well it's great to see you." She turned to Melanie. "My brother had _such _a crush on this girl growing up. It was always _Bella this _or _Bella that _or _is Bella coming back this summer_?So cute."

I felt all colour drain from my face. Melanie looked at me, a strange pinch to her expression before she trained it into a smile in front of her would-be sister-in-law.

"So I've heard," she said, brushing it off as if it was nothing. I let out a breath, internally thanking her for keeping things neutral. I wasn't sure I would have been as strong after the way I'd treated her.

"I think my Dad was fully convinced you guys were gonna get married!" Rachel continued, laughing like it wasn't the most painfully awkward conversation I'd had all year. "Are you seeing anyone, Bella?"

Her question caught me off-guard, and my mouth formed an 'O', mind racing to say something that didn't betray the truth, yet didn't make me sound pathetic. I opted for the sarcastic route.

"I'm between suitors, at the moment," I said, mocking a conceited nod.

Rachel laughed heartily – her smile wasn't the only thing she shared with her brother - and shrugged.

"Aren't we all?"

I smiled politely and looked down at my glass. "Well, uh, I'm on a mission," I said, holding it up as evidence. "I'll talk to you later."

At her nod, I made my way inside, breathing a sigh of relief to find that the kitchen was empty – save for one forgotten soul.

**"**Seth?" I said.

He looked up from his phone, the frown on his face dissolving into an easy smile when his eyes landed on me.

**"**Bells! Hey!" he said, rounding the counter to wrap me in a bone-crushing hug. My feet actually lifted off the ground and I let out an excited squeak, eliciting a chuckle from the source of the vice-grip. _Well_, wasn't this reminiscent of someone I'd rather not think about? The momentary wince subsided, and I smiled into his chest.

**"**Jeez, everyone's acting like they don't see me every week!" I said as he set me back down, and his nose wrinkled.

"Yeah, but it's not the _same._**" **

I nodded in agreement."Yeah, you're kinda right. I missed coming up here."

**"**No-one stopped you, you know," he replied, eyebrows raising convincingly.

**"**I know... it's just," I sighed, "_I _kinda needed to stop me. The last time wasn't exactly marshmallows round the bonfire."

He laughed, nodding.

"Yeah, that was kinda Jerry Springer alright." A flash of myself yelling at Melanie's tear-streaked face came uninvited to my minds eye. I had to shake my head to dismiss it.

I frowned at Seth. "Aw Jeez, really? The closest comparison is redneck transexual strippers?"

He threw his head back, practically howling. "Oh, so you're a fan?"

"Oh totally, they're my kinda people," I deadpanned, and he laughed again.

"Totally called it," he said. I popped out my hip and scowled, making him laugh harder. "I did!" The resulting laughter was interrupted abruptly as Seth cleared his throat. I crinkled my forehead, looking behind me for the source of the intrusion. Melanie stood at the door, a look of surprise on her face. I nodded in greeting, the giggle dying on my lips. Turning back around, Seth's saccharine smile had melted off his face at the sight of her. Truthfully, it was kind of chilling.

"Just.. uh, going to the bathroom," she said awkwardly.

"You know where it is," he replied with a curt jerk of his head, turning away dismissively. She looked at her feet and nodded before continuing on her watching her go, I turned back to him, frowning in confusion. "What's that about?"He shrugged, his face closed. "What?"

"The cold shoulder?"

"Nothing."

"Seth..."

"Didn't you want a drink or something?" I sighed, taking his cue that I wasn't going to get anything out of him. "Sure. Maybe I'll mix it up a little and take a Red Bull," I joked, widening my eyes with smiled indulgently. "Crazy."

His phone was back in his hand and he tapped the keypad enthusiastically. "Ice-cream girl?" I asked, pointing my pinky to the phone as I lifted my now-filled glass. He smiled secretively.

"Maybe."

"Why didn't you invite her tonight?" I queried.

"Because I actually like her. Ten minutes around this circus and I'd probably never see her again."

"It's not _that _bad," I said, thrown off by his uncharacteristically pessimistic statement.

"Says she who can leave whenever she wants..."

I narrowed my eyes, giving him a side-long look of suspicion. "You're not the same Seth I'm used to," I mused aloud. He blew out a sigh, his eyes looking beyond the glass doors at who, I wasn't sure.

"Not everyone turns out to be who you thought they were," he said, and that closed-off expression was back on his face. Before I could question further, the easy smile returned, and he straightened up, grabbing a beer from the counter and unscrewed the cap with an effortless twist. I guess having the body of a twenty-one year old negated being fifteen and underage around here.

"Well, I should go make sure Leah isn't spitting in the potato salad, or something. Later, Bells." And with that, he was gone.

I frowned at my hands. Something was seriously up with him, and it was putting me on edge. In fact, everything about tonight pulled me taut, like the slightest thing would break me apart. I gulped down more of my drink, closing my eyes and fighting for calming breaths. I just had to stay here another ninety minutes. That was the deal.

"New meditation technique?"

I hadn't even heard him come in, but just like that, the sound of his voice relaxed every muscle in my body. I'd wondered that maybe the strength I'd gathered to go through with tonight had been an illusion; a cocktail of denial and wishful thinking which had fooled me into believing that I could do this.

Opening my eyes, a smile already formed on my lips as I turned to regard him. He was freshly-showered, hair tousled lazily and dressed in a crisp white shirt which made his skin look edible. The sleeves were rolled up to the elbows, exposing the forearms he'd once shown off to me as having an '_all natural tan, Baby_'. His hands were resting in the pockets of grey suit pants over black converse sneakers, and I was abandoning my drink and stumbling towards him before I could even speak. It would have been futile anyway – one look at him and my mouth went dry.

I threw my arms around his neck, and everything daunting or uncomfortable just floated away as I smiled into his chest, inhaling the combination of soap and seaside and warmth that visited every good dream I'd had in the last week.

"Where have you been?" I breathed, as his arms hooked around my waist and he held me close, his nose lowering to my clavicle in an automatic quest for comfort.

"I'm sorry. Jake made me run to Forks. He really didn't think you were coming. Kinda set my beauty schedule back," he whispered, and I felt the smile on my skin where he was still buried.

"Thank god you're here," I sighed, squeezing him a little tighter before pulling back. He looked down at me properly, a concerned crease appearing between his brows, as his gaze switched between my eyes.

"Everything okay?" He was still whispering. "Your scent, it's kinda... agitated."

My mouth quirked on one side, and I stared into his chest. "I'm fine, things have just been a little awkward, y'know?"

I felt him nod, and his lips descended on my forehead. "Thought they might. I haven't been able to keep calm all day. Until now." He kissed my hairline again. "I missed you."

Before I could answer, his embrace dropped from around me and he stepped backwards, leaning against the counter with folded arms. I was left standing helplessly in the centre of the kitchen, my body instantly chilled from the absence of him.

My lips parted to question his sudden withdrawal - he just chewed his cheek nonchalantly and stared at his crossed feet, but a voice cut into the silence of the kitchen.

"Oh Embry! Good, you're here!" Emily crooned. "Now we can get started."

He smiled back innocently at her, shooting her a greeting while my brain tried to catch up with the situation. The sound of an unlocking door and heels on the stairs signalled the return of Melanie, and I finally my thoughts kicked back into gear.

_Precious. Protect it._

"Sure, Emily, where's everyone sitting?" I asked, feigning interest. The sooner we ate, the sooner I would have something distracting me and I could act natural.

Embry was at my back, the presence of his heat sending comfort through my spine, around my ribcage and into my lungs. My breathing became normal, and I was actually able to smile.

After being led to one of the tables, I turned to motion for Embry to sit by my side – but he was gone. Searching out the group, I noticed him on the other side of the buffet, being yanked into a sitting position by Paul. How the hell did they do that so fast? Paul shook his head at me, smirking, and mouthed the word "_amateurs_" under the cover of the disorder. A hand on my own shoulder drew my attention away, to look up at Leah, all eye-rolls and scoffing.

"_Anyone would think this was your first covert operation, Swan,"_ she whispered, eyes darting around to the various faces who weren't privy to the existence of either of our relationships.

_Ah._

"Sorry."

She shrugged. "It's fine. Good thing I'm here to steer you right. Anywho, leave your purse, and lets fight our way to this food before it's famine season," she said, rubbing her hands together.

Jacob was standing at the head of the buffet table. "Okay guys, a lot of work's been put into this, and it's Sam and Emily's night – don't leave this place like a dump when you're done, alright? So form a line, or so help me I will send your ass home hungry," he said authoritatively.

"Who died and made you President?" Rachel called, to the laughs of those around him.

_Oh Rachel, if only you knew._

He smiled back at her. "You'd thank me if you saw this crowd at Sunday breakfast," he said.

Leah pulled us to the table, handing me a plate in front of Jared and Kim, and behind Melanie and Rachel. The rest of the Pack dutifully let the girls go first before anarchy descended.

"Jeez, is that little Seth Clearwater?" Rachel asked, unaware that Leah was in earshot. "He grew up fast... just like everyone else, I guess."

Melanie snorted. "Pity his attitude didn't mature along with him."

I turned, wide-eyed to Leah, my hand hovering in the air, holding a spoon of coleslaw. I waited for her protective streak to make an appearance – I didn't think anyone got to speak ill of her baby brother – but to my surprise, all she did was roll her eyes in their general direction.

"Explain later," was all she said, and the gap in front of me propelled my feet forward.

Evidently, the guys had gotten sick of chivalry, and chaotic queue was forming on the other side of the table. I reached for the salad tongs, and a large, warm, russet hand snaked over mine, startling me. I looked up. Embry stood, smirking at the cheesy, straight-from-a-romantic-comedy moment.

"After you, M'Lady," he said, bowing his head. I snickered softly.

"Sure, what a gentleman," I said semi-sarcastically. I narrowed my eyes, trying hard to remember how the hell I'd acted around him – in public – before we'd, well... you know.

"Not always," he replied. He smiled devilishly off to his left, like he knew exactly what was going through my head as he pulled his hand back and gestured to the bowl. I averted my face as the tell-tale blush bloomed over my chest and neck. Leah jabbed me in the back with her finger.

"_Remind me never to hire either of you as an under-cover P.I.," _she hissed, throwing Embry a look across the table.

He swallowed his smile as he popped a mini-quiche in his mouth, chewing it with one of those cat-that-got-the-cream expressions. I shook my head and continued onwards, and he matched my step each time. I could feel his eyes on me, but each instance that I looked up, he managed to look completely unaware of my presence. It was... frustrating.

Quil was standing by a plate of Sam's grilled sausages with a proud smile on his face, waiting for the opportunity to say what came next.

"Yo, Bella, Embry's plate's getting pretty full, think you could hold his weiner for him?" he asked, looking between us. I almost choked on my tongue.

Embry smacked him on the back of the head. "You're not funny, and your jokes haven't changed since eighth grade," he said. He looked down at the table again, picking up another helping to add to the ever-growing mound on his plate. "And Bella can hold whatever she likes." Quil threw his head back in laughter, already adding to the din that a full pack of wolves and various other halves caused. Embry didn't join him, but that time, he really_ did _smile at me. _Jerk._

We reached the end of the table and broke apart; some of the wolves going right back to the end of the line and starting over. Embry didn't. He just took a step backwards, raised his eyebrows at me once, looking me over, and turned away, seeking out his seat.

I returned to mine, feeling overheated and off-balance, where Leah was already making a dent in her haul. It still surprised me how she hadn't forgotten her table manners like the rest of them – retaining ladylike qualities seemed to be pretty far up on her list of priorities. My chair was angled so that I could easily see Embry with a slight turn of my head. Paul was bending his ear about something or other, but he didn't look interested – there was only one thing his eyes were focused on, and it was not his food.

I smiled bashfully at my plate, stabbing the fork through a few leaves of salad and lost in the feeling of his heated stare. I'd never felt so... desired. I couldn't keep the contented look from my face or calm the excited stutter of my heart every time I looked up and he'd catch my eye, and we'd both go back to pretending we were interested in the conversations around us.

Kim was talking colleges, and Jared was doing the dutiful 'you could get in wherever you want' routine. While they were pre-occupied, Leah leaned in.

"_I thought you two were about to go at it on the fucking buffet table,_" she whispered. _"Imagine Emily's face if you did."_

The unexpected mental image made me shriek, loud, with laughter, and I pulled my hand up to my mouth, trying to get control of the shaking in my shoulders. "Jesus Christ, Leah, a little warning," I wheezed, getting my breath back and she just shrugged as if to say '_it's true'._

I shook my head, smiling and looked around, but eyes on me caught my attention. Jacob sat two tables away, Melanie beside him, while she chatted with Rachel. The look he was giving me was half-confusion, half-hurt; like he was trying to figure out how I was okay – and why he didn't get the memo. But it wasn't welcome. I was actually starting to have _fun _here, and he didn't have any right to bring me down. I frowned, looking back at my food until the moment passed.

When I looked back up, he had an arm around Melanie's shoulders, inhaling her scent.

_That's right. It's her you should be focused on. Remind yourself why things are like this._

A vibration against my foot drew my attention back to my purse, and I looked around, wondering if it would be rude to take a look. Judging by how some of the guys were eating, I didn't think a little cell-phone misdemeanour would rub anyone up the wrong way.

It was a text. From Embry.

_E: Don't like it when you're not smiling. Just one, for me?_

I smiled at the screen, raised my eyes and turned my face in his general direction, not quite looking at him since there was a chance we had an audience. My phone vibrated again.

_E: Much better. Forgot to tell you... you look fucking beautiful._

My smile widened, and I held the phone on my lap, texting beneath the table.

_B:Thank you. Skirts are still kind of weird for me._

_E: I'm a fan._

_B: I bet you are._

_E: Hey, is it a crime to want to look at my girlfriend's legs?_

I looked up, raising an eyebrow. He had one hand under the table, obviously on his cell, but otherwise no-one would ever know we were talking. His eyes flickered towards mine, and he cocked a brow, one dimple creasing his left cheek with a smirk.

_B: Girlfriend, huh?_

_B: Was there another title you were thinking of?_

I smiled. _Girlfriend's fine. How do you feel about being a boyfriend?_

_E: Yours? No problem._

A warm feeling started in my stomach, feathering out through my body and bringing a soft laugh to my lips.

"What are you smirking about?" Leah asked, eyeing me suspiciously. I shook my head.

"Nothing. Just happy." I put the phone into the pocket of my skirt, going back to finishing off my food.

She nodded, chancing a look back to Embry and Paul's table. "Wonder why."

I made small-talk with the table, as people filtered in and out of the house, topping up drinks and using the bathroom. I started to forget why I'd been so tightly wound in the first place – all I'd needed was Embry.

Sam and Emily thanked everyone for coming, and when they started plating up the ridiculous selection of desserts, the Pack descended once again like vultures. I took it as my cue to use the bathroom, finding another text on my cell as I closed the door behind me.

E: _So... you and this skirt... any chance we could get better acquainted?_

B: _Maybe somewhere where most of the people couldn't hear a butterfly sneeze..._

E: _Hah! We could always duck out early. I don't see anything here I want for dessert anyway._

B: _Do I sense a cheesy line about dessert coming on?_

_E: Me? Never. Although now that you mention it.._

A delicious shiver ran down my spine, and I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror – my eyes bright, cheeks pink and a permanent smile on my lips. Embry didn't even know the effect he was having on me, and the anticipation was starting to send my pulse into overdrive. I bit my lip, feeling my posture straighten and the beginnings of new confidence form inside myself.

I felt sexy, desired, _wanted, _and I couldn't believe he was making me feel this good with just words on a screen.

_B: Let me see what I can do._

I took care of business and made my way downstairs, trying to think of a plausible – not rude – excuse to leave. I'd done well over my two hours, and Leah was scot-free too, if she wanted to be.

I reached my abandoned table and my purse when a shadow was cast over me. I smiled, turning around into the now-familiar heat, before the expression fell right off my mouth.

"Hey," Jacob said, all earnest eyes and chewed lips. I frowned, noticing he was holding a plate with a wedge of cake and a fork on it. "I thought I better save you some cake, before the rest got to it," he explained, jerking his head back to the crowd around Emily's creations. "It's chocolate... still your favourite?"

I eyed him speculatively. Was this a peace offering? Something to open up conversation? Either way, I didn't have time – Embry was watching with a curious look from where he stood with Sam and Quil, unconsciously taking a step forward.

And Jacob wasn't giving me butterflies.

Something in his expression got to me, though, and I took the plate, offering a smile as I did. "Uh, yeah. Thanks." I sat down at the table and started playing with the cake, as he took my lead. He appeared to breathe a sigh of relief and looked away as he sat. I followed his line of vision to Melanie, who nodded once in encouragement.

"She make you come over here?" I joked, jerking my fork towards her, and really trying not to sound bitter – because I wasn't. Jacob hadn't taken root in my mind for a while now, and it took seeing him here, tonight, to realise it.

He looked back at me, evidently caught-out. "It's cute... really," I said, smiling again as I popped the fork in my mouth. Was I overdoing the smiling? My heart was racing - I just wanted to be able to come here and for it to not be so... weird around him, but it was too much. This whole situation felt uncomfortable.

"She knew I wanted to talk to you," he said, watching me with trepidation. So she was encouraging us to be friends? I could see why she was so good for him – I wouldn't have had the strength, even with an imprint.

"Look, Bella, I just want us to be- "

"_Well, _I think it's about time we called it a night, Swan's got a hard day of selling hiking boots to fat tourists tomorrow, Don't you, Bella?" Leah said, cutting in to stand by Jacob and put a demanding hand on her hip. I looked up at her and smiled – this was my opening to leave.

I nodded, moving to stand. "Yeah, I was just coming to find you," I said, breathing a sigh of relief. I picked my purse off the chair and started to walk, but even after everything, I couldn't stand that look on Jacob's face.

I half-turned, laying a hand on his shoulder. "We'll talk about this some other time, 'kay?"

He studied me for a long second, obviously weighing up whether he would indeed get another chance. I still didn't know myself. His jaw clenched, and he nodded. "Yeah," he croaked.

"Bye, Jake."

"See ya, Bells."

There was one more text on my phone.

E: _Changed your mind?_

I said my hasty goodbyes to Emily and Sam, and whoever else I could find before making a beeline to the door. Leah was silent on the walk back to her house, just the retreating sounds of the party fading into the rustle of the nearby forest.

"You okay?" I asked, trying to keep my mind from racing. Where the hell had Embry gone? Was he mad?

"Yeah. Lots to think about." Her steps slowed as we approached her house, and she turned to me, wrapping me in a short hug. "Thanks for coming with me." She pulled back and smiled. "I think there's a present waiting in your truck, though, so I'll call you tomorrow."

I frowned, looking off into the direction of where I was parked and squinted. Embry was waiting for me in the passenger seat, and before I even realised, I was walking towards him with barely a 'goodbye' in Leah's direction.

"Go easy on him, Swan," she called, laughing, before shutting the door behind her. I opened up the truck and looked in.

"You alright," he asked tentatively. I took the step up and gave him a genuine smile as I sat.

"I am now."

Without warning, he leaned across the seat, cradling my head in his warm grasp as he kissed me, urgently and without restraint, before it faded into tenderness. He nipped at my mouth softly, and laid his forehead against mine, sighing.

"Too long," was all he said.

I kissed him again, this time taking the opportunity to weave my hands into his hair and tug, eliciting a sharp intake of breath between kisses. He pulled away, burying his face in my hair, catching his breath. I felt like I was burning up from just one kiss.

"Drive," he said.

"Where?"

"Anywhere. Just... somewhere we can be alone."

I nodded into his shoulder before pulling away, my mind racing to think of some place I could just _be _with him, enjoy him completely and without curious ears or roving eyes. I plucked the truck's keys from my purse, feeling the others on the chain and it came to me.

I looked at him. "I have an idea."

* * *

I had barely switched off the alarm before his hands were on me, turning my body to face him, back meeting the wall with unintentional force which knocked the air from my lungs. His mouth was everywhere, marking my neck temporarily like he wanted everyone to see.

The drive to Forks had been torture, Embry stiffly sat beside me, not daring to touch because we both knew if he did, we wouldn't be able to stop. I was pretty sure I'd shattered the speed limit, but couldn't find it in me to care when he kept looking at me like an oasis in a desert.

Licking my lips, the air felt sticky, hot, full of _promise._

"My..._" _I swallowed; breathing was starting to feel like an unnecessary chore when he was doing _that _and and I couldn't _speak_ and it made my stomach do somersaults. "My ass is toast if we get caught in here."

He didn't reply, instead finding his way through the dark store on instinct, pulling my blouse up from where it had been tucked into the skirt in a quest for skin. His hands simultaneously warmed me and sent chills of pleasure through my flesh.

We found the door into the stock-room, not bothering to switch on the light once we entered. Just a dim glow from the street-lamp through the window was our guide as he weaved past the shelving, losing shoes and shirts in the process. I was grateful that Newtons were yet to join the twenty-first century and install security cameras, because someone would have gotten a hell of a show.

I gasped at the contact of his lips on my skin when we stopped, eyes opening and for the first time since we'd left La Push, actually realising what we were about to do.

"Em," I breathed. "We should think about this... what if we get caught?"

He spoke into the space between my breasts, his nose tracing a cross there, punctuated with tiny licks, tasting the cocktail of need my body emitted unknowingly. He smirked, like he approved of what he found.

"So?"

His breath was like the warm kiss of a summer breeze, scented with lemon and lighting up my skin with jolts of electricity I was almost sure were visible, so palpable they felt. I couldn't remember why I was bothering to protest.

"So," I breathed, becoming every clichéd romantic heroine, bursting from her bodice with wanton need which I never understood, until Embry's damn fingertips started tracing a path, starting at my knee and further up my thigh. "So I... I mean, so you... you can't-" I gasped – I was _gasping _now, "We need to stop."

That damn eyebrow cocked with confidence, and he smiled into the curve of my breast. Fucking _smiled. _His teeth dragged the fabric of my bra downwards, freeing the flesh for tastes and kisses and soft bites.

"I would, if you really wanted me to." My skirt started inching further up my leg.

His eyes found mine, looking up at me all innocence and new-puppy; like he wasn't talking me into having sex in the store room at my job in the dead of night, my butt propped on a shelf to match his height, hiding behind a roof-high display of tents.

"Do you... want me to stop?"

His fingers inched ever-higher, and my stomach clenched in anticipation. His eyes darted downwards momentarily, following the movements of his hand as it disappeared under the fabric, his entire hand grasping my thigh as his thumb made contact with my underwear, deftly pushing it aside. He circled and caressed, feeling and experiencing my want for him first-hand. My reward for biting back the resulting moan was Embry smiling into my neck, kissing his way up until he teased my ear-lobe with his full, bottom lip. _"Really _want me to stop, Bella? After tonight, all that time around each other, but _not...?"_

I shook my head, hands digging into his shoulders as I gulped in the air that felt like it was in short supply. I pressed my eyes shut. "Oh... _God..._"

He swallowed my moans with a kiss, teasing and nipping at my lips with an urgency that just made everything seem more exciting, full of risk, and utterly addictive. As he continued to touch me, I felt the heat building in the base of my stomach, making my breaths accelerate and warmth bloom over my cheeks, down my glistening chest and tingle throughout my body. Embry pulled away to watch me, a sense of awe on his face as he witnessed me fall apart by his actions – and his alone.

I laid my head sideways on the metal pole supporting the shelf, attempting to catch my breath and cool my skin all at once. He smirked proudly, dipping his head to plant soft kisses at the base of my neck, across my clavicle, and on the joint of my shoulder; all the while my shoulders heaved with exertion, barely able to fathom the effects he had on my body.

This wasn't enough. I needed to see him crumble; to watch the fire in his eyes as he surrendered to pleasure and weightlessness and the tingle of complete bliss. _I _wanted to be that for him – the catalyst for devastation. I could still feel his hardness on my thigh, and I hooked a finger into the waistband of his pants, tugging him towards me.

Misunderstanding my intentions, he wrapped he arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder, only stiffening when I made the move to open his button.

"Bella, you don't have to-"

His words were cut short as I touched him experimentally, gauging his reaction for the right cues. He lost a breath into my hair, a curse mixed up somewhere between surprise and kisses. His mouth melded to mine, hips moving minutely with my exploration. Before long, he took over, moving my position and ripping the seam of my skirt, manoeuvring us to his own wants.

He was inside me before I could think, filling my desires and satiating a hunger to feel his body in mine so strong that I hadn't even known it could exist. I held on for dear life, placing all my trust in those strong shoulders and leaning all my weight on that sturdy back, feeling each muscle ripple and contract, his movements bringing intense pleasure over and over with each iron thrust.

I was so turned on, I forgot where we were, I forgot _who _we were and what day it was, everything but the feeling of his skin on mine, his body within me, and the sound of his breath in my ear.

Soon, we were imploding, hurtling towards an edge that seemed endless yet too close all at once. Every muscle in my being clenched up and then released, waves of pleasure only matched by the satisfaction that he'd found his own release inside me training my face into a stunned, contented smile.

My head went light, and it lolled heavily on to his shoulder, still heaving with the last breaths of pleasure. I started to shake, the adrenaline of the moment and the cold air at my back, putting my body into spasm. He kissed my slick forehead, mumbling a _'hang on' _before he disappeared from me, only to return with his shirt, which he pulled around my trembling shoulders.

"That," he said, kissing me once more, "Was worth the wait."

* * *

**A/N: My GOSH this was a monster of a chapter. Longest one I've ever written, for any of my stories. I had a lot to tell you, and I hope you enjoyed this.**

**Let me know what you think!**


	30. I Can't Feel A Thing

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**Have you read my latest out-take? It's completely Paul POV and sheds some light on events preceding this chapter. it can be found on my author page under Eye of the Storm (Chapter 2) Enjoy!**

**Suggested Listening: 'How To be A Heartbreaker' and 'Power and Control' by Marina and the Diamonds, 'The Fear' and 'Under The Same Sun' by Ben Howard, 'Can't Feel A Thing' and 'Nights Like These' by Lucero**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty: Can't Feel A Thing**

**Bella POV**

"Are you alright?"

I looked up from the stack of boxes as I shoved the door shut with my hip. Mike was standing with a smoothie held aloft, straw to his lips and frowning curiously at me. It was the most outright acknowledgement I'd had from him in weeks - Jess ran a tight ship.

"Uh, yeah, why?" I said, readjusting the middle box in my grip. As it threatened to fall, he darted around the counter just in time to save it. He took the closer proximity as an opportunity to study me further.

"It's just, you keep coming out of the stock room with this weird look on your face. And blushing." he pointed at me. "See? You're doing it right now."

The urge to cover my cheeks with my hands caused the top box on the stack to tumble to the ground, the rest about to follow soon after before Mike abandoned his cup and just took them off me.

"Thanks," I breathed, relieved to actually be rid of the burden and wallow in my mortification. I turned away and crouched, feigning searching for something behind the counter to hide my expression.

"Bella?" Mike said, returning from re-stocking the display.

I popped up suddenly, looking anywhere but at him. "Yep?"

"Do you need to like, go home or something? Or... you know... the pharmacy?" he said, also avoiding my eyes. Clearly Mike equated weird-girl-behavior with feminine problems he was either too polite or too immature to outright mention. I hid the smirk at his shyness behind my hair.

"No, Mike.. I'm good. Really good."

Oh shit, I was blushing again. I hadn't been able to stop turning red or smiling since we'd opened up this morning, and in truth, why the hell would I want to? My life was finally taking a turn for the better, and last night had been one of the greatest I'd ever had. All day, my chest held excited flutters and butterflies were playing a game of Quidditch or something in my stomach - but it was the single best feeling in the world

Embry had escorted me to work, still smelling of his night of _Bella Duty _in the forest. I'd had to practically bite my tongue not to invite him inside with me and beg him to wrap me up in his arms so I could sleep better... but I wasn't sure it was a good idea. After what had happened between us in the dark of that store, I didn't trust myself;my little stuffed Ewok was probably a much more appropriate sleeping partner when Charlie was down the hall, and at least it smelled like him_._

All I could think about now was when I'd see him again or when the next time I got to touch him was, and Em, well, he just took it all in his happy, easy-going stride. He was so self-assured that it started to seem like I was the only one who felt my world spinning out of orbit - but then he'd look at me, and just a glance at those dark, endless, expressive eyes and the unsaid words in them and I just _knew._

He'd sat contentedly in my truck as I drove, humming '_Embraceable You'_ (the Sinatra version, I was informed) with a hand trailing out the open window and looking the same way he did when he'd just tasted something really delicious. All I could do was throw him sidelong glances and flush like some pre-teen at her first dance, his very presence setting me alight. I was changed, now, and although shadows of the old me still came through in the worrying of my lip, the need to show this guy that last night wasn't a once-off outweighed the shyness.

When we reached Newtons, hidden away from view, I paused to press _him _against the side of the truck and practically pounced. He left with ruffled hair and a smile like George Lucas had personally called to offer him lifetime supply of pizza - in exchange for a script - and I had no doubt that Embry knew what he'd let himself in for. Today was the start of _us._ My body felt like it was energised with a year of sleep, and my dreams had been a pleasant reprieve of soft touches, powerful muscles and heat. Beautiful, scrumptious, _heat._

I was so lost in my little trip down memory lane, leaving Mike to wander off in search of work as I doodled on a notepad by the register, that I didn't hear the front door open.

"_Embrace me, my sweet embraceable you. Embrace me, you irreplaceable you...In your arms I find love so delectable, dear...I'm afraid it isn't quite respectable, dear...__"_

"Where did I already hear that song today?_" _an unmistakable voice enquired, cutting out my off-key singing. My eyebrows shot to my hairline with a start, and I looked up to find Seth, dressed in a creased black t-shirt and cut-offs, watching me curiously. I instinctively took a step back, conscious of my scent and plastered on a surprised grin.

"Seth! Hey! What brings you here?" I squawked, feeling like he'd know exactly what I'd just been thinking about by looking at me.

"'Sup Bells," he grinned, burying his hands in his pockets and rocking back on his heels. "I just came from lunch with Hannah."

I frowned. "Hannah... Oh! Ice-Cream-Girl?"

He laughed softly and nodded. "That's not her given name, but yeah."

"Things are going well between you guys, huh?" I said, unable to keep the teasing inflection from my query. He was still such a little sweetheart beneath the imposing appearance, and the thought of Seth in love and being cute with an equally-as-cute girl was irresistible. He ducked his head in an adorable display of shyness and nodded. When he straightened back up again, there was a distinct stain of red on his cheeks. Thank god it wasn't just me.

"Hope so."

I cooed - actually cooed - and pressed my hands together. "Oh my gosh, how cute are you?"

He raised his eyebrow, admonishing me and groaned. "Jeez, Bella, I'm not _twelve._"

I pressed my mouth shut and nodded, firmly reprimanded. "Of course not.. it's just. Aww!"

He rolled his eyes and backed away. "Oh god, what's with _you?_"

"Nothing," I said, feeling the paranoia creeping back in. _Oh shit, he knows. Oh shit, everyone knows. Oh shit, Embry's going to freak..._

"You're all..." he waved a hand over my general appearance, brow creasing, "...squeaky."

"Am not," I squeaked, negating my own protest.

"Are too."

"Nuh-uh."

"Okay, maybe _one _of us is twelve," he smirked victoriously. I narrowed my eyes, folding my arms but conceding defeat.

"So you decided to come here and interrogate your good friend Bella, I get it."

His face sobered slightly, catching my attention. It wasn't so often that Seth Clearwater's smiles got chased away. "Actually, I did want to ask you something."

My heart pounded, causing me to cough and try to cover the sound. _Oh dear GOD, they're like human lie detectors. ABORT! ABORT!_

"Uh... sure, what's up?" I said, voice shaking with pure trepidation.

"Have you talked to Leah today?"

At that, I could feel my heart rate return to normal and I sagged my weight against the counter in relief. I shook my head. "No, not since last night. How come?"

He frowned in disappointment and his shoulders slumped. "Damn. She left some time after midnight. Her car's gone and we haven't seen or heard from her all day."

My lips parted in understanding. "Ah... you're worried 'cause of the party?"

He nodded slowly. "Yeah. I mean, she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself... but she'll at least phase in or leave a note or text or something. It's weird, you know? Mom's kind of freaked."

"Have you talked to Paul?" I asked, only realising what I'd said when a perplexed expression contorted Seth's face.

_Foot, meet mouth._

"What would _he _know?" he asked, eyes searching my face - which suddenly felt like it was glowing bright red with the word 'GUILTY' scrawled across my forehead. I dipped my chin, picking up my abandoned pen again in the pretense of making a checklist.

I shrugged. "Uh, dunno. I think I heard them talking about taking a run today, or something." I was stuttering now. The jig was up. She was going to kill me.

"Huh," he said, tone dripping with skepticism. "Well, he's been patrolling all day, doing loops of the Rez, but he's alone."

"He is?" I said, starting to feel a sense of foreboding. Something was up - Leah wasn't the type to just take off, and if Paul wasn't with her, my money was on the chance that something bad had happened between them. Something bad enough to make Leah want to be alone. I didn't want to worry Seth more, though, so I just offered a kind smile.

"Well, she was supposed to call me today, and she usually keeps her promises, so I'll let you know if she does." I looked him in the eyes, trying for reassurance. "I'm sure she's fine. Just... clearing her head."

He returned the smile - though it was forced - and gave me a nod. "I'm sure you're right. Thanks, Bella."

"Any time. I care a lot about your big sis, you know."

He smiled - and it was genuine this time. "Yeah, she's pretty fond of you, too. I'll see ya later, alright? I'm taking over Swan Detail today."

"What about school?" I'd been under the impression that the younger wolves were encouraged to attend as much as possible.

He grimaced. "I still went, but I took a half day. Leah was s'posed to take the shift over from Embry this morning, but she didn't show."

That really was worrying - the way Leah talked about my safety, and how close we'd gotten lately told me that she wouldn't just shirk her responsibilities without good reason. Or maybe she just thought she was doing me a favour by giving me more Embry time?

"So I get to do the honours," he finished.

"How exciting for you," I deadpanned, watching him as he neared the door. Something occurred to me, then, and I decided to try my luck with the truth once more. I straightened up, bracing my palms on the counter and leaned forward.

"Hey, Seth?"

"Yeah?" he said. turning with his hand on the door. He glanced back outside, like he was distracted by something and keen to leave.

I frowned. "What's with you and Melanie?"

A shadow passed over his expression and he looked down, shaking his head.

"Nothing for you to worry about."

I leaned my head to the side. "Seth, come on.. I'm just asking as a friend. I've never seen you react to _anyone _the way you talked to her last night. Did something happen between you two? Is she-"

"She took what didn't belong to her," he bit back, cutting into my questions. My head jerked back in confusion.

"She... what? What are you talking about?"

"And if she was as great as everyone _pretends_ she is, she would have given it back," he continued, disgust spitting from his words with a pointed look at me.

Realisation crept in, and I let out a breath. It was for me. He was still loyal to me all this time, despite my months in bitch-phase and barely seeing him. My heart softened along with my voice.

"Seth, it's not..."

"He was yours, Bella, and if she had any decency she would have respected that, and helped him fight it - but she didn't."

"But Emily..."

"Emily's my family. At least she _tried_ to send Sam away, at the start. He was just too stubborn and messed up to let her. Who knows what would happen if the imprint gave the wolf a fighting chance."

Recognition came to me then - this wasn't about Melanie, or me - it was about the_ choice_. It was about striving to preserve it when somebody took it away. His anger towards Melanie was just misplaced, because he wasn't mad at her. He wasn't simply upset that she hadn't sent Jacob away; he was upset because, of all people, Seth had believed that Jacob could fight imprinting, and that maybe one day, Seth could too. He was upset that Jacob hadn't been given a proper chance, or that he hadn't tried hard enough. His hero hadn't turned out to be who he thought he was.

"She just came into our lives thinking it was okay because she's got this special claim on Jake. Well she's wrong. There's nothing special about her, only that she seems to have all the parts of you that he loved, but none of the history."

My lips jerked, waiting for the right words to come to mind, so I could tell him he was wrong; that, although my self-esteem had been trashed and I'd nursed a broken heart for months, I was okay with it. That Jacob's imprint, although it had destroyed me, could end up being the best thing that ever happened to me. I wanted to tell him that through my hurt, I'd found someone who could read me like a book but still seemed interested in what I had to say. I wanted to tell Seth that I was falling for someone, harder than I'd fallen for anyone before because it happened all on my own, without mind-games or pressure that he wanted me first.

But I was too paranoid that he'd press me further, so I just said: "It's okay, Seth, I'll get over it." I smiled genuinely at him, and he eyed me with speculation. "Just watch me."

His lips curved in a small smile, like he was just indulging me, and he dropped his head once, reluctantly agreeing. "Alright, Bells." His eyes met mine again, and he jerked his head towards the door. "I'll be around. Let me know if Leah calls."

With that, he strode out into the afternoon light, and I was pulled back into my worry about my best friend. Mike was perched on a step-ladder, rearranging hiking equipment when I called up to him.

"Hey Mike? I gotta make a phone call, I'll be five minutes, okay?"

He nodded distractedly as I passed him, making my way to the office where I'd left my bag. I pulled out my phone and was disheartened to find that there hadn't been any calls or messages. Leah really was maintaining silence. I scrolled to her number in my contacts, placing the handset to my ear and listened with bated breath as the tone rang out and her voice cut in.

"_It's Leah. Make it interesting._" The signal sounded to start recording the message, and I wound a hand into my hair.

"Hey, Lee... it's Bella. Seth was just in Newtons asking if I'd heard from you. He seems kinda worried. Just let me know you're okay, yeah? Call me when you get this."

I pressed 'end' and sighed, tapping my foot against the large, painted steel desk in contemplation. This didn't feel right, at all, and all I wanted was to call Paul to get the full story. I just knew he knew more than Seth did; she'd been coping well when I left her house, better than I probably would have. Only one person could have seen her in between.

The last few hours of work passed without incident, but Leah was never far from my mind. Seth made small talk on the drive home, and I persuaded him to join me for dinner - we both needed the distraction of being with someone else to take our minds off of Leah, I think. It wasn't good to be alone, and Charlie was still working late almost every night.

Around an hour after Seth had retreated back outside, there was a knock on the front door. I wasn't expecting anyone, and my feet almost tripped over each other in the quest to get to it, hoping it was at least some good news. I shouldn't have been surprised to find Paul on the other side, and he looked awful.

"Paul, come in," I said, stepping back. "Is Seth still outside?"

There was a slight shake of his head. "Nah, I'm taking over for the night. Think I'm freaking some of 'em out." His smirk was grim, and not the bright, mischievous one I'd become accustomed to.

"Still haven't heard from her?"

He let out a grunt. "It's not like she makes things easy on us." I looked at him sympathetically as he took a seat on the edge of the couch. "Guessing you've got fuck all from her too?"

"I left her a message after I heard, sent a few texts, but I haven't-"

Just then, a vibration from the kitchen table sounded out, and both our heads turned to the direction of the sound. Paul was on his feet before I was, racing to the phone and had it in his hand by the time I got there. I glared at him. "Ever heard of privacy?" I scolded, laying a hand on my hip.

He ignored me as he opened the message, the right part of his top lip peeling back in an angry sneer as his eyes raked over the screen. The phone started to creak in his grasp, groaning under the tightening of his fist.

"Paul! Hey, don't break it," I said, laying my hand over his. His skin was practically sizzling, and when I took the time to look, I could see the faint tremors of energy rippling over his muscles. He was close.

I dropped my tone to one I hoped was soothing. "Hey... what does it say?"

He finally released his grip and relinquished the handset, letting me turn it to face me.

_I'm fine. Won't be back for a while. Let my mom know._

"Three fucking sentences? She takes off out of nowhere, leaves no note, takes her car so we can't follow her scent and we get back three sentences after a whole day of shitting ourselves?"

He was pacing now, trying to expend some of the pent-up energy and for the first time in months, I saw the Old Paul fully reappear. His teeth audibly grinded and muttered curses turned the air blue.

He needed to calm the hell down for a minute. I took the opportunity to move to the landline, flipping open Charlie's address book and unhooking the receiver of his ancient rotary phone.

"I gotta call Sue," I said, though I wasn't so sure he was listening to me.

After barely a ring, Leah's mother's voice croaked down the line.

"_Leah?"_

"Uh, no, Sue," I replied, instantly feeling guilty for giving her that split second of false hope. "It's Bella."

I heard a breath fan over the mouthpiece, and her voice lost its vigour. "_Oh, hey, sweetheart," _she said then, she seemed to realise how strange it was that I was calling the house. _"Did you hear something?"_

"She texted me. It wasn't much, but she said she was okay." I knew it wasn't what she wanted to hear, but Leah had asked - and Sue deserved a little peace.

"_Do you know where she is? Is she alone?" _Her voice was growing more frantic with each question, and my stomach clenched a little more with each word.

"She literally just told me she was okay and asked me to let you know she wouldn't be back for a while," I said apologetically.

Sue sighed in defeat once more._ "I really don't like this. The fact she took her car? I mean, she's faster on paws than what that thing can go, from what I hear."_

"Maybe she wanted some privacy... you know they can all hear everything. I'm sure she's just getting a little distance from the Rez and all this craziness for a while._" _I wasn't sure I fully believed it, but anything to ease a worried mind.

"_I hope you're right. My first thought was that, if she took her car and some of her stuff, she might not be coming back."_

Paul stiffened and looked towards me for the first time in the whole conversation, and I knew this wasn't going to help matters. I made my excuses with Sue, promising to update her and try to find out more from Leah, and hung up the phone.

"What happened, Paul? Did you guys have a fight or something?" I was almost afraid to ask; getting more nervous for his reaction to any criticism and I took a step further away. I hid the action with a lean against the counter. He was exuding power and rage, and I could feel the hairs on my arm stand up with the potency of it. He shook his head, turning to look me in the eyes, and all I saw there was desolation. He was lost, and his first reaction, as with most things, was aggression.

"No, the opposite. We just took a walk together...talked.. and then fell asleep. Together. She'd never allowed that before." He dropped his gaze, training it on his flexing hand, like he'd been clenching his fist so tight that his hand forgot how to straighten out. His lips formed a hard line, forcing stoicism.

I studied him carefully, knowing that there was more to this than met the eye, but Leah wasn't one to shy away from conflict in the least. She was more likely to challenge Paul to a brawl than storm off in tears.

Chewing on my lip, I opened up a reply to her message.

_What about Paul?_

He watched me as I typed, the wrong angle to be able to read the screen, but waited once I'd pressed 'send' for the telltale vibration. There was a dreadful pause where we said nothing, and then her message came through.

_Tell him not to look for me._

My eyes closed at that, knowing what this was going to do to him. A _day_ not knowing where she was had been enough to make him regress back into the hardened, antagonistic vessel of rage that falling for her had defeated. If Leah didn't come back soon, I wasn't sure she'd have much of a welcome.

"What's it say?" he asked, fixing his stare on me while I tried everything to avoid it. I put the phone behind my back childishly and shook my head. "Bella," he said warningly, "Fucking tell me. Was it something about me?"

My vision snapped to his automatically, and he knew from the action that he was right. His eyes narrowed. "Is she fucking me over?" He leaned over me, using his size as a scare tactic. I knew he was no threat - I knew him too well to really be afraid of him - but my gut reaction was still fear. There was still a wolf right under that facade. I stared up at him, chewing over my options, and sighed in resignation.

"She doesn't want you to look for her."

He let my words sink in as he leaned back, and a sarcastic snort came from his throat as he entwined his hands on the top of his head and twisted away. "She's a little fucking late for that." he turned to me again. "I spent the last fourteen hours _looking_ for her. It was a full six before it even occurred to me that she'd taken her car, and I ran two hours in every direction for a trace, coming up with nothing. This is bullshit!"

His roar was punctuated as his left fist flew out at the wall, but he reigned it back at the last second, pulling it up to rest against his forehead. He puffed out a frustrated breath and doubled over, the shuddering in his muscles ebbing away.

I started towards him. "Paul, I'm sorr-"

His head snapped up. "Don't. Just... no offense, Bella? But shut the fuck up."

I pressed my lips together obediently, and nodded, awkwardly crossing my hands in front of my jeans. He leaned back heavily against the wall, head giving out a little _thunk _as it made contact with the surface. His eyes opened slightly and he peered down at me, saying nothing for several moments.

"You think I should listen to her?" he asked.

I shrugged one shoulder, setting the phone down on the table beside me as I perched against the edge.

"I'm worried about her," I said, using my finger to nudge the device around in circles as I thought. I looked up at him, needing him to get how much this meant. "But Paul, what do you think will happen if you don't respect her wishes?"

He jerked his head. "She'll toss my ass to the curb. Probably tear me a new one first."

I quirked my lip in resigned agreement. He knew her just as well as I did. Probably better. All Paul needed was someone to agree with his rational side every now and then. "There you have it."

His brow creased with the close of his eyes; long, calming breaths practically steaming from his nose as he forced himself to comply. It didn't work all that well. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eye sockets and grunted. "I fucking hate this. I don't know what I did!"

"I don't think you 'did' anything, I think maybe it got too much for her. The party, being with you-" I started to say, before thinking better of it. Maybe being with Paul _had _become too much for her, but it wouldn't help to speculate on it, for either of them. "I think she just needs some space, some time alone to clear her head. We can't deny her that."

His jaw was firm as he nodded his head, eyes hard on some internal conclusion. "Guess I've waited long enough. She should just make up her mind soon, though."

The unease I hadn't realised was there subsided, and my shoulders sank in relief. If Leah got some time alone, the better the chance that she'd come back with a clear head and a better attitude to the whole situation.

I hoped.

After that, he had to leave. One look at him and I knew instinctively that staying in one place wasn't what was best for him right now, and that if he had to, the nervous energy pent up in him would be released in less than wholesome ways.

After a quick call to Quil for replacement - who informed me that I was cutting into his precious Xbox time - Paul was off. I tried occupying myself with cleaning up the kitchen, but my mind couldn't seem to stray from the weight of the phone in my pocket.

Quil wouldn't be here for at least ten minutes. I pulled the phone out and stared at her name in the contacts. I just needed that little bit more reassurance, and maybe if I could convince her that it was just me around, she'd open up a little.

The phone rang out endlessly, until, just as I was sure it was about to go to voicemail, she answered. I sank into the couch, breathing relief that she'd given me a chance.

"_Hey."_

"I wasn't sure you'd pick up."

"_Me either."_

"Where are you?"

There was a pause, in which she seemed to genuinely debate coming clean. _"Somewhere different."_ I knew better than to push.

"Are you alright?"

"_As much as I can be. Sorry if I worried you."_

"It's fine, I'm just glad you've been in touch."

"_I wasn't gonna be. But I remembered what it's like to be stuck at home wondering."_

I nodded, though she couldn't see, picking at a stray thread on the armrest. Leah had spent way too long worrying about what had happened to someone she cared about, why he wouldn't take her calls, why he froze her out. "When are you coming back?"

"_I don't know, I just need... time."_

A long pause ran after her words, and the question burning my mouth finally got the better of me, needing to be free. "Is this about Sam... or Paul?"

She didn't reply straight away, like she wasn't completely sure of the answer herself. I could hear muffled sounds of traffic in the background, like she wasn't too far from a busy road, but was indoors. As the time came when I fully expected her to tell me to mind my own business, she surprised me when her voice came out soft, vulnerable, and like how I'd imagined Leah had sounded before her life became a joke soap-opera.

"_I needed him."_

I frowned, not sure about the vague direction she was going. Had she gone to see someone? Someone she had to see after everything that had happened?

"You needed..."

"_And he knew. I fucking needed him and he knew I did and he turned up at my window like some perfect teen-movie cliche."_

I huffed out a breath, my heart aching because Leah - strong, resilient, hardened Leah Clearwater - had forgotten how to open up and let somebody in. "Leah, there's nothing wrong with leaning on someone."

"_There is when they get pulled out from under you, and you're left laying in the dirt. Pathetic." _Her tone was once again hard, filled with disgust for herself and the situation she viewed as a failure.

"You don't know that's going to happen, Lee. You and Paul..."

"_No, I don't, but it's not just about us. I made a promise to myself that no guy was going to worm their way in, even human, and what's the first thing I do? Screw around with a fucking wolf and develop feelings for him."_

"It's not like he's just anyone, Leah. Paul knows you. He knows everything you've been through and he cares about you more than I even thought he was capable of. You should have seen him earlier, he was a mess."

A snort._ "See? If I'd told you six months ago that Paul Lahote was going to go all pussy over a girl, you'd have laughed in my face."_

"It's not a weakness. Just a day without you and he's freezing up again... it's not good."

_"It is for him. There's a reason why he was the way he was, and now look. He's wasting his energy on worrying about me when he shouldn't care. He should close himself off. It's better for everyone."_

"That's not fair... he can't help his feelings for you."

"_Yeah? Well I can. I'm not like you, Bella. I can't just pretend that this isn't a huge mistake and continue on with my eyes closed."_

The harshness in her words cut deeply. Was that really how she felt? Like I was being stupid and naive to take a chance on Embry?

"I see."

"_Don't get pissed at me. You know I'm right,"_ she said admonishingly, but her tone softened again._ "Look, I wish I could be like that. I wish it was as easy for me as it is for you, but it isn't."_

I didn't know why she seemed to perceive it that way. The doubts about Embry and I gnawed at me still, every time I gave it too much thought. It was only when I was in his arms or feeling his lips on mine that they were silenced. But I wasn't at a point where I could fully vocalise them yet.

"You're making it harder than it has to be."

"_No, you don't get it. I'm making it easier. I need time to think... but I know what has to be done now. This needs to stop before it goes further. It's better for everyone."_

My heart dropped, leaden, into my stomach. She couldn't be serious.

"Leah..."

"_Don't start, okay? Just... don't."_

Her words were laced with such finality that it chased the protest right from the tip of my tongue. I closed my eyes, dreading how this was going to end. "Okay. Just... do me a favour? Think a little more about this. Take all the time you need."

There was a bitter laugh that didn't last. _"I plan to... but if you're holding out hope that I'll change my mind, I wouldn't hold your breath."_

"I won't." I knew as I said it, that it would be useless. Leah had made up her mind, and the fallout was going to be horrendous. A soft yip from outside signalled the end of the conversation, and I rose from the couch. "I gotta go, Lee. Quil's here. Take care of yourself, and stay in touch, okay?"

"_Sure. I know I don't have to tell you to keep a lid on this."_

"Of course. Bye, Leah."

"_Talk to you soon, Swan."_

* * *

The next morning, I woke with a scream.

"Quil, what the fuck?!" I screeched, pulling the covers up around my neck in a gesture of discomfort. He was sitting on my window ledge, legs dangling away and down to nothingness, head turned to look at me, eyes hard with contemplation.

"Sorry, I did knock. You're a heavy sleeper," he replied, without a trace of genuine apology. I frowned at him, scrubbing both hands over my eyes with a groan before pulling the covers back and sitting up properly.

"You scared the crap outta me, Jeez. What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk, Bella," he said, his voice even and serious. Instantly, a chill ran through me and I bolted up.

"What happened? Is it Embry?"

His lips quirked on one side in threat of a smile, but he shook his head. "No, well, kinda. I think you and me are due a very serious conversation."

"About what?" I said, cracking my neck and moving to pick a hooded sweatshirt from the back of my chair. The chill coming in the window was only exacerbating my discomfort.

"You have to be careful with him."

"Careful how?"

"With his heart. You have to promise me not to break it."

My eyes widened, wondering if we were really having the 'what-are-your-intentions-towards-my-friend' conversation. By the look on Quil's face, I knew better than to laugh at the idea. He was dead serious.

"Can't this wait until after I've had some coffee?" I groaned, my posture slumping as the fear ebbed away and the weariness crept back in. He didn't answer, just held his harsh glare, urging me to respond properly. I rolled my eyes. "Quil, I'm not gonna break his heart."

"Can you promise me that? Embry's a sensitive soul. His heart is like a fragile flower, just on the verge of blooming. A step in the wrong direction, and you could crush it."

This time, I did laugh, louder than was probably polite. "Oh god, are you kidding me? _Quil..._"

"He needs to be treated with tenderness... he'll be loyal and true and he'll give you everything and it's not fair if you're just gonna take all of that for granted. He's risking a lot here.. and you need to be sure about this."

"Quil, we're still just figuring everything out-"

"Promise!" he snapped petulantly, like a kid losing patience with their mother. My brow creased, and I nodded with hesitation.

"Yeah, I promise."

He watched me carefully, clearly gauging how genuine I was being. "You're the first girl he's ever really liked, you know."

I nodded, actually hearing it for the first time, but deep down, this wasn't news to me. "Yeah, I know."

"A lot of people wouldn't really give him a chance, 'cause of his dad, and all. He's a great guy." He was picking at the paint on the ledge, his voice dropping uncomfortably at the sincerity of the moment.

I smiled. "Yeah, he is."

His eyes snapped to mine. "And you, you've been through a lot. I want you to be sure about things now, and not go running off at the first sign of trouble."

Then, everything clicked into place. Quil had been phased the entire night, witness to the turmoil Paul had been going though because Leah left him without an explanation. He was afraid that one day, I'd do the same to his best friend.

"I won't I swear."

"Even when Jake finds out?" he asked.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked, standing in front of him now. It was rare that I'd ever seen Quil so open and earnest, like he had a real responsibility to honour. It warmed my heart that Embry had a friend who cared so much.

"Because it's not going to be pretty. I wasn't kidding when I said you guys have to tell him."

I nodded, "We will. We just need to find the right time."

"Well make sure it's soon... you're kinda killing me here." His hand weaved across his chest to knead at the muscles at the back of his neck, doing little to relieve the tension I knew he carried there.

I felt a stab of guilt at putting him in the middle of all of this. "I'm sorry. It's part of the reason we didn't tell you. We don't want to hurt anyone, Quil."

His face softened, and all trace of seriousness filtered away. "I know. I just had to be the bad cop for a sec. Think Charlie would gimme a job?" he asked, raising a brow. I huffed out a laugh.

"Sure, you were very intense. I'm impressed."

He nodded proudly. "I'd make a great cop. Imagine the chicks I'd get with that uniform..." Suddenly, he snapped his palm to his forehead. "Cops! Perfect! I'd better write that down," he said, turning to poise himself to leap off the ledge.

"What are you talking about?" I called, stepping closer before he got away.

"Oh, just deciding what kind of outfits to request for the strippers at your birthday party," he said, waggling his eyebrows.

My eyes widened, and I shook my head. "Oh no... you are not serious!" I yelled, watching as he vaulted towards the tree and swung to the ground without effort. He shot me a mischievous look over his shoulder.

"Aren't I?" he said, sprinting towards the tree line were another wolf, Jared, was just coming into view. Before I could ask another question, he flashed me an unwelcome view of his butt and phased in a burst of chocolate fur.

I grumbled at the sight of his retreating tail, gritting my teeth at the chorus of taunting barks that signaled his departure.

* * *

**A/N: Let me know what you thought :)**


	31. Still Dreaming

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**Suggested Listening: Bella by Angus and Julia Stone, In Our Blood by Horse Feathers, Still Dreaming by Silverstein, A Million Years by Alexander, Only Love by Ben Howard, Little Things by One Direction.**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-One: Still Dreaming**

"_Don't let me fall, Mom."_

"_Never, Baby-girl."_

_One step at a time..._

_Golden eyes. Faded crowd. Hush. That perfect, impossible face._

"_I, Edward Cullen, take you, Bella Swan..."_

_Cool hands on mine._

"_...for better, for worse..."_

_Gaze full of promise._

"_To love, to cherish.."_

_Solemn words, honest and heartfelt, spoken from deep within the soul._

"_As long as we both shall live."_

_Absence._

"_I wish Charlie was here.__"_

_Pangs of guilt. My father's eyes in a mirror, an awkward shuffling of feet led by perfect rhythm. No grace or propriety - just like Charlie, and just like me._

_Smiling faces, but even still, pain._

"_Enjoying the party, Mrs. Cullen?" A lop-sided smile._

_Love and warmth. Excitement and awe. Security._

_A cloud ever-present, darkened with worry._

"_What is it?"_

"_A surprise wedding gift."_

_Drifting away from the light and noise, out to the darkness of the forest. Still, there was a void._

"_Thank you. This is very... kind of you."_

"_Kind is my middle name. Can I cut in?"_

_Finally, relief._

_Warm hands. Broad shoulders, salty tears._

"_Stop blubbering, Bella, you'll ruin your dress. It's just me."_

"_Now, almost everyone I love is here."_

_Face buried in solid chest. Lips on my hair. Breath over my scalp._

"_I don't know if I'll get more than just this one dance. I better make the best of it."_

_Uneven circles. A twirl. Tired eyes and a crinkled shirt._

"_You'd think I'd be used to telling you goodbye by now."_

_Tears caught on warm finger-tips. Kind, sympathetic eyes._

_Then, the snap._

"_Bella, have you lost your mind? You can't be that stupid... Tell me you're joking!"_

_Iron grip on my arms, ripped away suddenly. Wolves from the darkness, snarling and shouting._

"_How can you do this?! If Charlie knew, he'd... he'd... " the words were lost, victim to the blind rage and devastation in dark, onyx eyes._

_Dragging of feet, rage and power. And then he was gone._

* * *

The last thing I heard before I woke up, sweating with shivers wracking my very bones, was that single, long, mournful howl. Mourning _me_.

The week leading to my birthday felt far from celebratory. Apart from two text messages, Leah withdrew from contact even more, ignoring questions and refusing to give even a hint as to her whereabouts. All the while, I ignored the dreams, putting them to the back of my mind as the memories faded; Ebbing away along with the potent self-hatred that, even though my own father had died, I'd still been selfish enough to barely postpone my wedding a full month. Edward Cullen blinded me to all but perfection, while I just seemed to form new flaws.

Embry was kept busy. Secrets amongst pack were beginning to unravel, and he showed up at my door in the afternoon midweek, eyes fraught with worry and tension.

"It's bad, Bella."

I ushered him inside, my heart pounding for the latest blow. Leah's disappearance was bearing down on them all, and the pressure of keeping her secrets was putting him, Quil and I on edge.

"Paul attacked Sam."

My mouth gaped, hand automatically moving to cover it as I shut the door behind him. "What? Oh my god, are they alright?"

He swallowed thickly, a shaking hand weaving into his hair as he paced the small space between the kitchen and the stairs. "I tried to stop him - Quil and I heard him bust through the door of Emily's house and we just _knew__._ " His eyes stared at nothing, recalling the memory in his minds eye. "He just fucking _went _for him. I've never seen anything like it, not even when we all first..." he sighed, continuing, "It was just complete luck that Emily was upstairs... or maybe he knew, I don't know. His head's a mess."

"Did anyone get hurt?"

He shook his head. "Nothing permanent, but the house got trashed... Sam didn't even know what was going on." He threw his hands up, as if not fully believing what had happened. "He just lost it. He was ranting and raving about it being _Sam__'__s_ fault that she was gone, and that _he__'__d_ damaged her, and that it was up to _him_ to bring her home - and then he phased."

"Oh, no..."

He halted his steps, turning towards me, face was grim in recollection. "I ran for Jake, it took an alpha order for him to calm Paul down, but..." Embry's eyes reached mine again pointedly. "They know about him and Leah. They know _everything__,_ B."

I stepped back, my shoulders hitting the wall before I stopped. "About..."

His gaze raked over me worriedly, and he stepped forward, pulling me into an embrace that I just knew was an effort to get a grasp back on his own frayed nerves, as much as it was for mine. He breathed into my hair, his shoulders rising and falling deeply and shook his head.

"No, not about us. But Paul's mind bust wide open. We saw everything - the first time they were together, every single time they were alone... talking to you, asking for help..." He raised his head again to look at me, smoothing a tendril of loose hair back from my cheek. "Jake was _livid__. _He can't believe that all of this has been happening right under his nose, and he had no idea."

"It's not like it was personal," I said, leaning into his palm. "If it wasn't for the Pack, you guys would actually have personal lives, remember?"

Embry's mouth quirked. "I guess we traded those in for paws and a tail," he said ruefully, but the crinkle at the corners of his eyes soon fell away. He hugged me to himself once again, cradling me to his shoulder as his chin dropped. "I don't know how Paul managed _not_ to spill our secret, too."

Breathing a sigh of indecision, I let my head fall forward against him and turned towards his neck. "We're running on borrowed time here, Em."

He leaned me back, placing a kiss on my forehead and looked into my eyes. "It was close," he agreed.

"We knew it was coming, though," I continued, dread filling each syllable as the weekend closed in around us.

Sliding his eyes shut in reluctant agreement, he nodded, before looking down at me again. "I know, it's just... It's your birthday this weekend, the first real occasion for us, and we've got so much happening already. I just want to be able to spoil you for _one__day_ without drama."

The shaking started up again, and I tilted my chin upwards, pressing my lips to the softer flesh of his neck, reassuring.

I had never seen Embry so worked up, and the wolf so close to the surface. Stress and duty were wearing him down, and I felt a surge of protectiveness for them both - man and animal - flare up in my gut, prompting me to press my body further into his. I wanted to shield him from everything torturing his normally sweet, even-tempered self. I wanted to take away his burdens, or at least show him that he didn't need to shoulder them alone. He leaned his head forward, resting on my clavicle as I felt his powerful arms wind around me a little tighter. The shaking stopped, and Embry's tension melted away.

"Afterwards, we'll tell them. I promise," he said.

I let myself be soothed by his vow, though I was still worried we were walking on a knife-edge. His eyes, though - when he got no response, he leaned back, and that damn pleading-puppy look was my kryptonite, whether he was doing it purposefully or not. I found myself agreeing.

"Okay. After."

* * *

_I dreamt of endless travelling, of reaching the most perfect island and spending my 'real honeymoon' in the arms of who I believed I truly loved._

_I had no-one to call, no tie to home but a detached phone call to Renee. I had no tie to the human world, once Jacob had made it clear that I had severed ours._

_Charlie's house lay empty, waiting for a time when I was brave enough to admit that he was truly gone, and that I had nothing left - just that same marble embrace._

But those arms were the wrong temperature, and each time I got a flash of Edward's skin on mine, I woke with a start, craving a different set of shoulders, a heartbeat, and warm breath on my lips.

I started to resent Leah's voicemail.

On Friday night, I spent my last hours of being eighteen wondering if somehow it was a rule that my birthday heralded nothing but pain and confusion. Charlie spent any time not at work in a deep sleep, as he was now. My best friend was MIA. My boyfriend was struggling to hold his family together, and everyone in my life seemed to be struggling with something they weren't equipped to deal with. Sometime before midnight, I collapsed face-down into my pillows, hoping that I could skip the day all together. No more was I obsessed with the idea of getting older - just the idea of maturing.

Restless dreams faded into the feeling of a warm breeze, chasing away the dark remnants of a life filled with even more struggles than the one I was leading. In that other life, I craved intimacy and comfort, and grew weary of feeling like it was unreasonable to ask for it. Such a contrast with the now.

The first thing I felt were his lips.

His hand drew my hair back from my cheek, giving him better access to my neck and my shoulders. I smiled involuntarily into the pillow, feeling his hair tickle my skin as his nose weaved a path over my shoulder, leaving kisses and tiny tastes in his wake. Not knowing what time it was, how he got here, or how long we had just made me want to shut the world out, savour the moment and savour _him_ like I wouldn't get another chance. I drew in a breath, tasting his scent of pine and sea-salt ; the feeling of his warmth sending a contrasting shiver skating down my spine.

He gently slipped the strap of my top down and I refused to move, even to open my eyes, not yet willing to give up the butterflies and how he seemed to tease each nerve-ending like he had a mental map of my body. Embry had always been a diligent student.

I felt the chill on my back of the covers being drawn away like a present being carefully unwrapped, soon replaced by the feeling of his own heat, covering my body with his. He was naked, I realised; already hard and pulsing and I felt his need brush my skin ever-so-subtly in his quest down my body. The knowledge that he was so affected by my presence, so drawn in by the sight of my prone form was a thrill I didn't think I'd ever get used to. I bathed in the blind sensations of his touch and his scent, and the sound of his laboured breaths blooming over the small of my back. I was his to explore and play with, but the real treat was getting to lay here and let it happen.

Drawing the cotton of my shirt upwards, he exposed more skin to scent and taste and feel, not content with clothes or barriers anymore. It felt like forever since anything had actually come between us anyway.

Each touch was like a gentle electric charge, creating a want in the base of my stomach that I curled my toes to try and relieve.

His mouth found the waistband of my panties, warm breath ghosting over the dimple of my pelvis before his lips tugged at the elastic, fingers slipping in deftly to relieve me of the offending garment. The material crept down my legs languidly, already damp from the reactions of my body, followed by his lips and tongue until my lower half was naked before him. I sucked in a calming breath, not quite sure what to expect next.

The bed dipped as he leaned back up on his arms, and I fought back a squirm as he laid a kiss on the back of my knee. I refused to give in yet.

He dragged his nose up my inner-thigh, and I felt the thrum of thousands of tiny goose-bumps erupt over my skin. I held still.

I could _feel _him smirking behind me.

He mouthed over the skin at the curve of my bottom, leaving wet kisses that I fought back a moan in response to. Who knew I was so sensitive there? He did.

His hand came up to palm the skin of my outer-thighs, leaving anticipatory chills in his wake. Then, he called my bluff. His mouth clamped down on my flesh, and I felt the faintest of nips with his teeth on my skin, causing me to stiffen and let out a surprised squeak. I turned in a single motion to take in the self-satisfied smirk on his face.

"I knew you were awake," he said.

I smiled sleepily at him. "I was curio- aah..." My words were cut off as his finger disappeared between my thighs, teasing past my folds to find the spot which sent a shudder wracking through me, my back arching into his touch. I bit down on my lip, eyes opening once more to see his stare, dark and confident, raking over my body with appreciation in the dim, early-morning light. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my clavicle, his hair teasing my jaw, breath fanning over my skin, all warmth and possession. My body jolted towards him, no sound but my own gasps and his soft huff of smug laughter at my reaction.

The fabric of my top was lowered, freeing my breast to his waiting mouth as his busy hand lazily circled and teased, spreading my evidential need over the tiny pearl of nerves. I squeezed my eyes shut, left panting and embarrassingly aroused.

He said nothing as I wove both hands into his hair, holding him latched on to me, just wanting _more_.

How had things become so effortless for us? It felt like forever since we'd been awkwardly dancing around each other, only feeling content when we were locked in a kiss or feeling each other's heat for ourselves.

I felt his tiny sigh over my nipple. He slipped a finger inside where I ached, and there was a barely-audible hum of approval at the slick heat he found. His eyes held mine then, full of secrets and intent as he forged a path past my ribs and down my body. I could do nothing but watch as he reached the apex of my thighs, eyes finally tearing away to close shut. His lashes fanned over his cheekbones as broad shoulders rose and fell, taking in my scent with a teasing, one-dimpled smile. This boy had plans.

He held my hips in place with both hands, lowering his mouth on to my body with a devastatingly slow descent.

_Was __he __really__...?_

My hips jerked at the first contact of his tongue on me, and I tugged handfuls of soft, inky hair with urgent need.

_Don__'__t __stop__._

Muffled curses tumbled from my mouth as he worked, his tongue alternating between stiff and slack, creating a sensation of mystery which tricked my body and charged it with a tangible need.

_He __shouldn__'__t __be __so __good __at __this__..._

I writhed beneath him, arching my hips towards his mouth as he lapped and suckled, sending waves of tingling pleasure through my stomach and out to to each extremity. Gaping at the ceiling, my eyes glazed and fluttered shut, like I'd been completely floored by his talents. One hand from my hip disappeared, and I felt a teasing at my entrance, circling outside but not quite entering me in an alternate pattern with his tongue. My head turned left and right as I moaned deeply, feeling myself getting closer and closer to bliss with each teasing movement.

"Oh my- _Please_..."

The tension built until I was tumbling over the edge, each muscle in my stomach tensing and releasing as finally his finger slid inside and my inner walls clenched around it in a frayed rhythm of ecstasy.

The ceiling blurred as I caught my breath, my body twitching at each contact with his skin as he climbed back up my body. Aftershocks pulled my muscles taut and slack, and I finally opened my eyes again to see him hovering over me, watching each crest play out over my features with a quiet pride.

_Holy __shit__, __he__'__s __beautiful__._

I sucked in a breath as one hand trailed languidly over my flank, still so over-sensitive from the force of my orgasm that it felt like a single touch would be all it took to make me explode once again.

He reached down between us, taking a hold of his waiting length and teased at me. I sucked in a breath before a peal of tortured laughter escaped my lips, my head thrown back into the pillow and my knees jerking skyward.

"Oh god... I can't..."

I wasn't forming sentences anymore, just grasping at his shoulders with a feral need, but I couldn't coherently decide what would satiate me. He smiled above me with one furrowed brow, enjoying the break in my composure as he slipped the just head of his shaft inside. My walls reacted instantly, clenching and relaxing in the aftermath of my previous collapse.

I clawed at him again, this time feeling his hands take charge of mine and press them into the mattress by my head. He circled his hips, not quite fully buried within me and I called out, still pulsating with hypersensitivity. I couldn't function, and in a desperate need for calm I turned my face, biting down on his bicep as he filled me fully with a single, deliberate thrust.

The feeling of stretching around him chased the air from my lungs and I moaned lazily, just succumbing to the moment. He regarded me patiently, the corner of his bottom lip disappearing between his teeth while he held his own urges at bay. He was always reading me, and I didn't know if I was really that transparent, or if he was just that good at it.

When I'd calmed enough, he began the first movement of his hips, pulling out almost fully before I felt every_inch_ of him occupying me again. My brow puckered as my jaw fell slack, and he buried his face in my neck, soft, barely-audible grunts signalling his own pleasure as he repeated his movements in the same languid rhythm.

I could barely remember what day it was, why he was even here, and nothing mattered but what he was doing to me. I was completely prone and vulnerable beneath him, but no part of that caused me worry. If anything, giving myself over to him, letting him give and take what he wanted was more arousing than finding my own pleasure in his body. He was my solace. We found peace in each other and these moments where no-one else existed.

_Never __stop__._

Still pinned in his hands, my knees grazed the soft plains of his hips and sides, the feeling of his muscles tensing and relaxing on my inner-thighs adding to the sensuality of being powerless beneath his strength. Looking at him intently, I angled my hips upwards and locked my ankles around his waist, the change in trajectory finding a new spot deep inside me. It caused an involuntary tightening around him.

"_Holy __fuck__,_" he cursed, the next thrust becoming more desperate and making my answering gasp descend into a deep whimper.

He let go of one hand, using his free one to prop up and watch my features, his eyes darting between mine and taking in what each push of his hips brought out in me. His stare was dark and passionate, hair in wild disarray from my earlier ministrations. I reached up for purchase on his shoulder, hot and slick from the warmth of the room and his own barely-contained arousal. It felt surreal that he was as turned on as I was - my muscles felt useless, and here he was, using his strength and skill to bring out bursts of pleasure in me. A kiss was placed on my lips, and his tongue darted between mine to savour each gasp and moan as I tasted myself on him.

Each thrust matched the last, the raw power of his movements felt on my hand as I reached down and grasped at the muscles of his delectable ass. He pulled away from my lips for breath, never far from my skin as he pressed kiss after kiss on my temple and down my jaw. Finally he settled there, his nose pressed to the hollow of my cheek as each breath fanned out and tugged at the stray wisps of hair about my neck and ear. Every drive into my heat matched the play of air on my shoulder, exertion straining each heave of his lungs.

It wasn't yet _enough_. I mewled petulantly, and his movements became more pronounced. His hands disappeared beneath the curve of my back to pull me away from the bed and towards him. My head lolled limply on to his shoulder as we became upright, one hand weaving around his neck to hold on, the other still tracking each meeting of our flesh on his buttocks as my legs framed him.

Suddenly, in the deep connection I felt him stiffen, and his lips clamped down on the muscle of my neck as his rhythm fell into chaos. He grunted once and again, and with a final hard thrust upwards and he spilled himself into me. The feeling of each surge of warmth deep inside spurred my own climax, and my nails dug deep into satin flesh as I rode out each wave. Body jerking and clamping around him, it caused my toes to curl and my head to fall back as I cried out.

We held there for a silent moment, punctuated with a flutter of muscles as the last residual crests of pleasure flowed into each other. Sweat traced down my back, carving a path between my shoulder blades. My breasts pressed against the solid of his chest and we felt one, joined without seams. Our breaths in came in unison, heartbeats matched. When the shudders stopped, he finally lifted his head, his hand coming up to smooth the hair back from my face and take in my dilated, satisfied stare. He kissed my nose and mouth, his hand waving into my hair to cradle my boneless form to him, and he smiled.

"Happy Birthday, Baby," he whispered.

* * *

I woke up a few hours later to the sight of Embry's sleeping face, lips quirked in a dream, mere inches from mine, He was laying on his side, one arm curled under the pillow, other hand resting possessively on my back. The crinkled sheets just about reached the deep 'V' at his hip, and I couldn't believe how lucky I was that real life was better than dreams.

Watching him here, he looked so quiet and innocent, a strong contrast with the man who had come into my room without a sound last night, and played my body like an instrument only he had learned. There was still a delightful ache in the muscles of my stomach, left over from the new sensations they'd experienced. My skin was salted and smelled of him, and I didn't want to move.

His shoulder rose in a deep, sleepy breath, and a glimpse of his tongue darted out to pull his top lip into his mouth. Without thinking, I found myself mirroring the movement, before a smile broke out over my face in realisation. I was so in tune with him, even in sleep. Oblivious, his adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, brow furrowing minutely to whatever scenario was playing out behind those full-lashed lids; their surface flickering with the movement of his eyes. I watched him for a moment, how the planes of his chest and torso were without flaws save for two ancient scars near his ribcage. How his arms flexed and relaxed in his sleep, like whatever dream he was having spilled over into his physical body, and he was seconds away from breaking into a sprint. One leg was bent at the knee in comfort on the too-small bed, angling his body closer to mine without constricting me. Even without conscious thought, he was respecting my space.

He seemed almost impossible to me, though he was comfortably sprawled before my eyes like something from every girl's fantasy. That body, though beautiful and majestic in its form, was constantly coiled for action, poised to protect against any danger - and it was astounding to me that the safety he solemnly pledged to preserve was my own.

I pulled back with a start as he pressed his nose further into my pillow, fearful that he was waking up and cutting my reverie short, but he wasn't. His chest expanded in an extended breath into the fabric. He was basking in my _scent__,_ I realised. Like a cliche, I sighed contentedly through a chuckle, not quite believing that any of what I was looking at was really mine.

His stomach rumbled then,and I took it as my cue to press my lips to his temple and slink out of bed. He didn't so much as stir.

I found his shirt balled up beside a pair of washed-out jeans by the window. Picking it up, I pressed it to my nose. It was all _him__. _Funny how he could be right there, sleeping in my bed, soft breaths filling the silence of the room and I still couldn't get enough. I slipped it over my head, smiling as it came to rest mid-thigh and I took in the abstract image of the Millennium Falcon, the shape formed from the text of Han Solo's "_It__'__s __the __ship __that __made __the __Kessel __Run __in __less __than __twelve __parsecs__!"_ quote. He really was a giant geek.

Tiptoeing out into the hall, I took note of Charlie's door. It was ajar, and light from his window partially filled the dark passage between it and the stairs. He was gone, and had been for a while. The quiet house was evidence of that.

When I reached the kitchen, clicking on the coffee-pot, I turned to find a small brown package on the table, beside a larger one more ornately wrapped. I smiled - for my parents at least, my birthday was still a reason to celebrate. Charlie's scrawled writing adorned a note over the first one.

"_Bells__,_

_Gone __fishing __with __Billy__. __Presents __are __from __me __and __your __mom__, __no __prizes __for __guessing __which __is __which__._

_Don__'__t __cook __tonight__, __we __can __do __something __special __maybe__._

_Happy __Birthday__,_

_Dad__."_

I filled two mugs of coffee - one no sugar - and hitched the presents under my arm. Was this really happening? Was I really getting a blissful morning in bed with my boyfriend, on my _birthday__?_ It felt like I was borrowing someone else's life for the day.

The scent of strong coffee under his nose finally woke the sleeping giant. His eyes fluttered open and he squinted at me, focus darting to the mug I held in front of him and back to my smile. His own lips curved, answering mine and he pushed himself up, taking the offered cup.

He watched me as I shuffled towards him on my knees. "Well that's a sight I could get used to seeing every morning," he said. I frowned good-naturedly at him and his eyes roved over me again. "You... sex hair, nothing but my shirt," he explained, "You're really try'na get the wolf on-side, huh?"

I smoothed the shirt over my legs as I sat back in my heels, taking a sip. "It smells like you," I mumbled, catching the breathtaking smile cracking over his face in my peripheral vision.

"I'm okay with you wearing nothing but _that _ever again," he replied. I smiled into my lap, feeling the slightest of blushes threatening to bloom over my cheeks. He shifted in the bed slightly, causing the paper of Charlie's present to rustle with the movement. Glancing at his, he frowned, before looking at me apologetically.

"Shit, I was supposed to be awake before you were!" he whined, still giving the presents a glare. "I had this big, romantic birthday breakfast planned."

I couldn't help grinning. "You did? What if Charlie was here?"

"Pfft, I knew he was going off with Billy for the day. Couldn't believe my luck... why d'ya think I showed up here at six am?"

My eyebrows rose. "Was that the time? I was kinda distracted..."

His smile was filthy and hood-eyed. "Yeah, that was kinda the point. Get here, ravage you into a coma, and then 'Operation Birthday'."

I smirked back at his attempt at sleaze. "Well, we can still have breakfast - after I open these," I said, turning to set my mug on the night-stand and picking up Renee's gift. "It's tradition - presents before breakfast."

He held out a hand and shrugged. "Well, no arguing with tradition. Come on, I wanna see your haul."

I smiled back at him before attacking the paper. So I hated getting presents, but everything about today felt new. New life, new love, new _me__._

After present time - some new clothes I could actually see myself wearing, a gift certificate to Victoria's Secret (which Embry was more pleased with than I was) and some perfume from Renee and Phil, and a beautiful, leather-bound journal with a Barnes & Noble gift card inside the cover from Charlie - I moved to start on breakfast.

"Wait... aren't you forgetting something?" he interrupted, moving to lean over the side of the bed. I frowned turning back to him.

"Like what?"

He raised his brows. "Like _my _present?"

I smiled, pushing a knee back on the bed. I threaded my hair behind my ear, pressing my lips together. "I thought you _were_ my present," I said, poking my tongue through my teeth in mischief.

"Oh man, you sound just like Quil," he groaned, pulling a rectangular shape covered in cloth on to his lap. He looked at he pointedly. "You don't wanna _know_ where he suggested I tie a bow for you to 'unwrap'."

I spluttered a loud laugh. "Of course he did," I said, nodding. That kid was ridiculous. "Is he really planning strippers for tonight? Because I'm telling you now, male _or _female, I'm _not _down with that."

He chuckled. "Well, at first I thought he was joking, but then he got _really _into the idea. I kinda had to shut him down. I hope you know you're partially responsible for crushing Quil's dreams."

I crinkled my forehead, giving him a wide-eyed nod. "I can live with it as long as I don't have some stranger's crotch grinding in my face."

He laughed, loud this time. "Yeah, I'd prefer if that didn't happen, too."

I shimmied up closer to him as he stared at the mystery object. "It's nothing huge... and I made most of it myself... apart from the canvas, I mean.."

I frowned. "Canvas? You got me a picture?"

His mouth quirked on one side and he looked at me. "Ah, I'm ruining the surprise... here." He held out the gift, lacing his fingers together nervously as soon as his hands were free. I gave him one last look before delicately unfolding the cloth, and gasped.

In my hands was the most striking black-and-white image I'd ever seen. It was _me__, _but it wasn't. The girl staring back at me was strong, confident and fierce. Her hair billowed behind her like a lion's mane, intense eyes watching and calculating like considering a threat. She was a warrior, poised for battle, but there was softness there too. It was in the quirk of her lips, the stance of her shoulders, and the glow of her skin. I realised, once I tore my eyes away to take in the rest of the image, that this was a character. The only pop of colour was the bright red title emblazoned beneath my collar. Embry had painted me into the poster of his very own action B-movie, "_Isabella_", and _I_ was the heroine.

The detail of his rendering was so breathtaking that it looked like a photograph that I didn't remember posing for. I ran my fingers down the nose and over the lips, expecting to feel the indents of paint on the base. Behind me was the silhouette of a dark forest, ghostly images of wolves and golden eyes glimpsed through the trees. I picked out scenes from the forest so nearby - and even my truck parked in a clearing, so small that the naked eye would need to squint to really see it.

"I put it through some image editing software... so it'd look more, uh, real?" he explained from beyond me. "My skills aren't that good." I could hear the nerves in his voice without even looking at him.

"Embry, it's... whoa..." I breathed. "You made this?" I finally looked at him, where all the earlier confidence had withered into a sheepish smile.

"Uh, yeah," he said, leaning forward and pointing to certain parts of the poster with text or extra imaging. He licked his lips. "I added all of this stuff later... the cast names are all your friends, see?"

I smiled as I read... he'd put Leah as producer, himself as director, and included even friends from school in the list. It ended with my parents surnames in "_A __Swan__-__Higginbotham __Production__"_

"So... do you like it?" he asked tentatively. I realised I had barely said a word since unwrapping it. I looked up, wide-eyed.

"Are you kidding me? I love it... no-one's ever given me something so original and thought-out before. The details, the ideas...It must have taken forever."

He smiled in relief. "The painting took a while, it was mostly just playing around with the software after that, and I got it printed so it'd last longer."

"It's amazing.. it really is... and this girl?" I said, pointing to my not-quite-mirror-image in the poster. "I'd like to meet her."

One eyebrow rose admonishingly. "You're kidding, right? I _know _her. The night you told me about everything that happened, what you did for your dad... you _became_ this girl to me," he said, tapping the canvas. "You're unbelievable."

In that moment, I started to see myself through Embry's eyes. I was strong, confident, and self-assured, and more than anything, I hoped that one day, I'd see myself like that too. I placed the picture carefully on the bed and leaned forward, laying my lips on his in a grateful, disbelieving kiss. "Thank you," I said.

He pressed his nose to mine, eyes closing as his arms wound around me. He gave me a contented smile. "My pleasure."

After some thorough gratitude, I was sitting across from him at my kitchen table, feet crossed in the lap of his jeans while we made easy conversation.

"It's still kinda weird that they want me down at the Rez tonight," I said, spooning another mouthful of fruit and yoghurt past my lips. Embry was making short work of a stack of waffles, and I was trying to pace myself. He swallowed thickly and raised a brow.

"Why?" he queried, dropping his free hand to cover my toes, his warmth seeping into them and chasing off the chill.

"Well, it's not like I've been Miss Socialite lately. I hadn't seen any of the girls before the engagement party." In truth, I was nervous to be around them without my crutch - Leah. With her by my side, I felt confident enough to take the good with the bad. I hadn't heard from her in days, and was currently trying not to feel too hurt that she hadn't so much as texted to wish me a happy birthday. But she had her own stuff going on, and I had to stop making everything about me.

Embry smiled indulgently. "You know Emily, any excuse to put out a spread. Besides, they all missed you. It might be kinda nice to let loose for a while."

"Even with Leah still gone?" I said sorrowfully. He patted my foot and laid down the fork, both hands making soothing strokes further up my legs.

"Especially... a lost of stuff's been changing around here. We gotta take a break from it, before... you know," he said mouth quirking as his eyes fell guiltily. I pulled my feet back and sat up.

"What's up?" I said, leaning into my forearms on the table with a frown. He looked up, as if caught doing something he didn't want me to see and shook his head.

"It's nothing, we promised we'd deal with this after your day."

I cocked my head to the side, training my expression into a stern one. "Embry..."

He looked away, chewing his lip contemplatively and shrugged. "I don't wanna get into it."

"Well _I_ do. Come on, it's my birthday, and that means I get everything I want."

He tried to smile, but it came out a sad, dejected shadow of the one I'd grown so fond of. He sighed. "God, why can't I ever say 'no' to you?"

I smirked proudly. "Because I'm awesome, remember?"

He rolled his eyes, smiling genuinely this time. "_Sure__._ It's got nothing to do with the fact that you're cute as fuck, either," he laughed. As if remembering what he agreed to, he cleared his throat, sobering up instantly. "Um, well, remember how I knew were your dad was gonna be today?"

I nodded. "From Billy, yeah."

"Well, that's 'cuz I was over at Jake's last night. He called me, really cryptic, and asked me to walk over, not phase."

I narrowed my eyes, wondering where this was going. "Okay..?"

"Well, turns out, it was Pack stuff he wanted to talk about... private stuff. After Paul's _episode_, and finding out about him and Leah this week," he sighed, "Jake feels like he's losing grip on everything. Like he doesn't know what's going on in his own pack. And _Paul_refuses to even acknowledge Sam anymore, so his role as interim Beta is pretty much null and void."

"So why does he want to talk to you about it? Shouldn't he have called a meeting?"

"Because he wants to make me his Beta," he said, face turning sickly as he spoke. He avoided my gaze, picking at the leftovers on his plate before his eyes darted to mine again. "Because he needs someone he 'trusts' as his right hand. Isn't that a fucking joke?"

My heart sank. of course Embry had been feeling like crap - he'd been confronted face-to-face with betraying Jacob by the man himself, who was still completely oblivious.

"Oh, Em..."

"I mean, the only person in the Pack he thinks he can trust has been lying to his face for weeks. It's sick." He pushed the plate away and rested an elbow in the vacated space, propping his forehead on his palm. "We've even got Quil lying to him for fuck sake. And there he was, asking me this with that huge fucking grin, expecting me to feel honoured and I thought I was gonna hurl."

I stood up, crossing the short distance and tugged on his shoulder, pulling him back far enough to sit on his lap. I turned to face him, cradling his head between my hands and laid a kiss on his forehead.

"I'm so sorry."

He gave a soft scoff. "It's not your fault. It's this whole situation... I don't think there's much we could have done different. I just feel... shitty."

I nodded, burying my nose in his hair.

"I know, and more than anything that just shows me how amazing you are. If you didn't care, then I think I'd have to re-think some things," I said, pulling back to offer a small smile. He looked up at me, eyes weaving over my face like he was reminding himself why he was doing this. I just hoped I was worth it. Finally, he returned my expression, letting out a sigh as he rested his chin on my sternum. I still played with his hair, finding comfort in bringing some to him, no matter how small.

"I told him I'd think about it. I'll see how he feels, you know... _after__._"

I nodded. "Tomorrow."

He raised his eyebrow. "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

After that, a tension that formed over the course of the conversation in his shoulders leeched away... and seemed to filter into mine. We had D-day almost upon us, and all I could do was try not to dwell on what that meant. What was going to happen once everyone knew? Would they be supportive? Taunting? Would they accept us?

I found myself kissing and touching Embry even more in an effort to calm my nerves. If he noticed, he didn't say, thankfully treating our afternoon like any other... just _better_. We made a show of cleaning up the kitchen after breakfast, where I learned that half of all household chores should be spent with your butt propped on the kitchen counter and you boyfriend standing between your parted knees, peppering kisses on any exposed flesh he could find

.

In my room, we chose a place to hang his present, which called for a celebratory group shower - _apparently_. I don't remember if I actually got to use conditioner or not but we stayed until the hot water ran cold. We spent the rest of our time together vegging on the couch and snuggling beneath my blankets like we should have been doing all those days we spent with each other. By the early evening, I forgot that I had been worried at all.

Inevitably, though, the time came when he had to leave.

"Do you _have _to?" I whined, reaching up on my toes to hook my arms around his neck and nip at his chin. We were on my front porch, and I was still wearing his shirt over some denim shorts, claiming that he couldn't leave the house without it. I should have known he'd brought a spare in his stupid back-pack. Damn wolves always needed extra clothing.

"I have to check in with my mom at least once before tonight," he said, smiling down at me. He gave me a little peck on the nose and smirked. "You just love making my life harder, don't you?"

I narrowed my eyes petulantly. "But it's my _birthday__,_" I crooned. He laughed and threw his eyes towards the heavens.

"That worked the first four times _only__._"

I let my face fall into a smile and giggled. "I know, I'm totally messing with you," I said, hopping up to give him a light kiss on the lips. "But there _is_only one day a year I can get away with saying that."

"And you're getting your money's worth..."

"Hey, we Swans are nothing if not frugal," I announced. He pressed a kiss to my forehead, huffing a soft laugh.

"I really have to go this time."

I nodded into his chest, inhaling his scent. "Yeah. See you tonight?"

He kissed me, long and languid in response. "That answer your question?" My lips tingled as he pulled away, and I nodded dumbly as his heat was taken from me. He walked to the end of the porch, turning once more. "Oh and Bella?" I met his gaze curiously. His eyes fell to the ground, travelling up my legs slowly as a shy smile teased his lips. "Um...Wear a skirt...?"

I gave him a devilish smile, finally getting my bearings back. "Only 'cause it worked out so well for me last time..." I said, toeing the wood coquettishly. He shook his head, laughing, and jogged down the steps towards where he'd hidden his dirtbike in the trees. His backpack was pulled over one shoulder, and a lightness laced his step, For that one blissful second, he looked like a normal, regular guy, someone who could just get on that bike and forget about everything else when he wanted to. He looked like he wasn't weighed down with duty or loyalty, like he was free. And I smiled as I thought, _I _did that.

He shot a salute over his shoulder, revving the engine and pealing out into the street unceremoniously. I stood for an extended second, until I could no longer hear the roar of machinery or see his retreating back.

I took a step behind me, the smile fading off my lips gradually as I was lost in thought. It was only when a slam rang out over the quiet street that my head jerked away from where Embry had been, my forehead creasing into a frown at the intrusion into my thoughts. My eyes scanned the vicinity, looking for that trace of movement that for some reason, had me on edge, the very air around me tingling with a force I couldn't pin-point.

It was then that I saw him, hand braced on the roof of his too-small car. I didn't know if it was for support, or to simply hold on to _something__. _My eyes widened as I took in the sight of him; shoulders rising and falling, faint shimmers of energy around his outline, plain to see even from the distance. But it was the eyes. When I met them with my own, I wasn't prepared for their harshness, the sudden, stabbing chill that wracked my body from the look in them. Those eyes could dismember me and crumble the remains into dust, and they had never, not once, looked at me the way they were now. I faltered, my hand reaching my chest as the recognition of what he saw - what he'd _witnessed__ - _Embry and I doing fully sank in.

And he was furious.

I gulped in a breath, barely sure I could speak, so insistent was the pounding of my heart. But I had to try. It was up to me to try and mend this, I just didn't know where to start. Mind blank, I began with a question.

"Jacob," I rasped, though I knew I didn't need to be any louder, "What are you doing here?"

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**


	32. Explosions

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**Suggested ****Listening****: ****Cherry ****Red ****by ****The ****Narrative****, ****Explosions ****by ****Ellie ****Goulding****, Landscape by Florence + The Machine, Through The Dark by Alexi Murdoch, ****Elephant ****by ****Damien ****Rice**

* * *

**Chapter ****Thirty****-****Two****: ****Explosions**

_And as the floods move in,  
And your body starts to sink,  
I was the last thing on your mind,  
I know you better than you think.  
'Cause it's simple darling, I gave you a warning.  
Now everything you own is falling from the sky in pieces.  
So watch them fall with you, in slow motion.  
I pray that you will find peace of mind,  
And I'll find you another time.  
I'll love you, another time._

-Explosions by Ellie Goulding

He didn't move for a long moment, his eyes boring into me, trailing down my body in a way that made me feel exposed, cut open, and raw; like a nerve, prone and defenseless to the coming pain. He blinked at last, finally stepping away from the Rabbit and letting his hand drop to his side. It was then that I noticed he was holding something - an envelope.

_Oh__, __no__._

I licked my lips, attempting a smile. "That for me?" I asked, half-heartedly pointing to it with a quiver in my voice. I hoped I was wrong - that Jacob hadn't come here with a birthday card for me, attempting to rebuild our friendship and instead found something that could forever destroy it. His eyes tore from me to the card, and he held it with both hands like he'd just remembered he had it. He looked back at me, a long shudder bursting over his shoulders as he grimaced; jaw clenching and cords of tension appearing on his neck. I stayed rooted to the spot, realising that Jacob - patient, together, beacon-of-control Jacob Black was hanging by a thread, and trying desperately to hold off a phase.

He had _never_ been this angry with me before.

I let out a breath, knowing that playing the innocence card was probably doing more harm than good. I ambled towards him, down the steps until I was standing in the grass. The proximity didn't help - he looked so much more intimidating up close. When he let his gaze drop to the ground, I finally felt brave enough to speak again.

"Jacob..."

But I didn't know how to finish that. _'__Jacob__, __I__'__m __sorry__'? '__Jacob__, __it__'__s __not __what __it __looks __like__'?_

None of those were right. I _wasn__'__t_sorry. I was sorry he found out like this, but apologising for the day I'd had, apologising for being with Embry felt wrong. And it _was_what it looked like - two people who had found each other. Two people who found solace in the storm surrounding them.

The sound of my voice seemed to cut him; real, physical pain which caused him to double over, clawing at his stomach. He looked almost nauseous, and I realised my speculations were right when his back heaved in a dry wretch. There was a wheezing sound as he gulped in air, and my guts tensed at the dejectedness of it. Before I could ask if he was okay, his head snapped up, and he narrowed his eyes at me,

"_Him__?_" he said finally, interrupting my thoughts. His voice was like gravel, scraping through my being, clawing my insides as my stomach leapt into my ribs. He snorted, straightening back up to look at me with one hand still pressed to his abdominals, and it was a sharp, ugly sound.

"You're fucking _him__?_"

My mouth gaped, focus darting to his eyes as I tried to gauge what was going through his mind. Pressing my lips together, I shook my head.

"We're not-"

Pawing through his hair, he snorted again, and moved to pace as the card in his hand was crumpled, falling to the ground like trash. "Oh this is fucking brilliant," he said, energy radiating off of him. His head turned to look at my feet, too riddled with rage to regard me properly. "I smelled it on you at the party, you know - the hormones. All those endorphins. I _knew_you were seeing someone... but I thought, 'nah'. If she was, somebody would have told me. _Embry_would have told me."

His gaze flicked to mine again, and he raised his brows in sarcasm. "Here I am, trying to get a goddamn grip on _my_pack, and you're destroying it, from the inside out, right under my nose."

My own brow furrowed. Was that really what this looked like? "You can't possibly think that-"

"Leah and Paul.. you were there, playing your little 'matchmaker' games, when anyone with half a fucking _brain_can see what a stupid idea that was."

He was speaking to the ground and I realised that he wasn't talking to _me__, _not really. He was thinking aloud, because actively acknowledging my presence was making it too difficult to keep a handle on his temper. My blood ran cold, and for the first time, Jacob frightened me.

"So now you're 'spreading it' for my best friend because, hey, what's an alpha without a pack? What's a leader without allies?" His expression was bitter, and it twisted his face into something I hadn't seen in a long time - not since the days of Edward, when, in that other life, the person standing before me tried everything he could to make me see sense. To save my life. He'd cared about me that much, once. It felt so foreign right now. Now _I_was the enemy.

"So, now he's so blinded by _ass_ that he starts lying to my face, keeping secrets for the first time since I phased." He shook his head, muttering. "I should have seen this coming." He stopped and looked at me again. "You're a piece of work, Bella."

"Jacob, I swear to God, none of this happened the way you think it did."

Barely acknowledging that I spoke, he tilted his face to the sky, a huff of humourless laughter escaping into the breeze. "I guess I should feel partially responsible," he mused, and looked at me again, his stare was cutting, and I involuntarily wound my hands around my middle, brow dipping in hurt. "Because maybe it's my fault you're like this. Or maybe not. Maybe something else happened to you, I don't know. Something in you _died__, _and all that's left is-" he threw out a hand, gesturing to me with a disgusted sneer to his lip, "-this. This person I don't even know anymore."

I leaned my head to the side, tears stinging at the corners of my eyes at the harshness of his words. My nose burned, and a lump formed in my throat as I tried to hold back the tears which weren't co-operating. I could feel the first sob clawing free as I tried to speak. My lips quivered.

"...Jacob-"

"This cheap... cheap_-" _the word was unsaid as he shook his head harshly, but it wasn't hard to figure out what he meant. "Using sex as a weapon, Bella? _Really__?_"

I reeled back, as if slapped, blinking as it sank in that he really _did_ just say that to me. My stomach roiled, and my hand snapped to my mouth as another sob choked free. He wasn't deterred; if anything, he was revelling in the impact of his words on me. One brow furrowed as a wrinkle snaked across his nose. "I can _smell_ him on you -_in __you_- from here. Jesus, did you ask him to piss on your fucking leg?"

I shook my head, taking a step back from him with wide, moist eyes. "I don't have to- " I said, but corrected myself, "I _can__'__t_listen to this."

He gave a disinterested shrug. "Of course, creep back into the little Bella bubble," he spat, the words sounding acidic and corrosive coming from a voice so used to teasing jibes and laughter. "Don't worry, I was just leaving."

He turned around and stalked back to the car, almost tearing the door off the hinges. Just before he got in, he turned one last time, smirking darkly. "Happy Birthday."

My entire body shook as the engine started, my feet frozen in place so that all I could do was watch as he pulled out from the sidewalk and closed the distance to where Embry had left from the opposite side. Had that really only been moments ago?

My legs collapsed beneath me, and the last of the strength in my muscles drained into the grass. Bowing my head, I let it free. Bone-shattering gasps burned my lungs as I struggled for air, the tears leaving my cheeks raw and burning. Why did it have to happen like this?

I felt broken and bruised, and I could hardly fathom that the words coming out of his mouth had been from someone I once loved - who once loved _me__. _Jacob and I were so far past that. We were strangers in each other's lives and I was being punished for trying to be happy.

The thought pulled a frown on to my face. I was trying to be happy. Jacob had, in finding his own way in life, selfishly and callously left me in the dust while he lived out his very own happily-ever-after. All I'd done was find comfort in someone - find _hope_in Embry, and I shouldn't have to apologise for it. Sure, it had been kept from him, but only to avoid this fallout. He had no right to assume that what Embry and I had was any less than what it was. Pure, genuine feelings for each other. My head snapped up, and I felt a stubborn set form on my jaw.

Fuck Jacob. Fuck him for talking to me that way, and for not hearing me out. Our friendship had been stronger than assumptions and cutting words. Fuck him for inferring that I had an ulterior motive in all of this. Fuck him for forgetting that he knew me better than that.

I unfolded my legs and stood, knowing what needed to be done. He wasn't getting away with this, and I wasn't going to just sit back and let him run me into the ground. I wasn't the same Bella who crumbled when hurt, and Jacob needed to remember that.

With an eerie calm, I turned and made for the door of my house. It was time to let him have a piece of my mind, and if he didn't like what he heard, well, that was his problem.

My foot was leaden on the way to La Push. Re-dressed in my own clothes, I pushed the truck to breaking point as I attempted to close the distance that his head-start had given him. Biting into my palm was the small totem, the one object I hoped would shake Jacob - and remind me - that what we'd once had was special, that it meant something. The wolf charm. Maybe by seeing it, it'd hit home for him that no matter how much he hurt me, I could never set out to do what he was accusing me of. I still cared about him - about them all - too much to do something like that.

Embry wasn't picking up, and the whole drive to the Reservation was filled with my mantra of prayer that Jacob didn't find him first. I wasn't sure what he'd do to him.

My relief for Embry's safety was only short-lived when I pulled into the drive of the little red house - once my second home, though I hadn't darkened the doorway for months - and the Rabbit was parked haphazardly outside. The driver-side door was still open, evidence that he'd left it in such a hurry that he wasn't even thinking. I exited the truck, hopping on to the balls of my feet and scrubbed my free palm on my jeans. I was slick with nerves, and I knew that no amount of bravery or anger was going to get me through this unscathed. I didn't feel so courageous right now.

Before the betraying thoughts of flight could fully form, the doors of the garage were flung open, rattling the hinges and wood with such force I thought the entire structure would collapse. Jacob's eyes found me instantly, that same burning anger in them, chilling my body beyond the standard September temperatures.

He ignored me.

That was the one reaction I hadn't anticipated, and I could do nothing but watch on dumbly as he walked steadily to the Rabbit and leaned inside, releasing the parking brake. There was a soft grunt as he began to push the car towards the open doors, hardly any exertion required on his part. I stood in silence and frowned. He was going into fix-it-mode. It was bad.

Unconsciously, I followed him, my feet being drawn to my fate without any real decision on my part. As I reached the door, I was greeted with a scene of chaos, and a gasp left my lips without intention. Jacob's 'Taj Mahal' was a mess of tools and parts, and he was bent over the hood of his pride and joy, tugging disjointed pieces from the engine out and flinging them across the room. Each landed with a deafening crash and a spray of grease across the concrete floor.

The rest of the garage was achingly familiar, the same taste on the air as the last time I'd been here. I could still see the stack of dog-eared car magazine's I'd teased were "Jacob's Porn", empty soda cans over-flowed from the plastic box which doubled as a trash can which was always half-filled. A grease-stained cloth which had once started life as a t-shirt hung on a nail above the notebook he kept track of his casual clientele in, and his paint-splattered stereo - shut off - stood abandoned under a sheen of dust.

"Jacob," I grimaced as another clang cut into the silence, "What the hell are you doing?"

No response.

"Look, I get that you're angry, but I came to set you straight. You've got everything all wrong, and I don't deserve to be treated like this."

He stiffened slightly and a twitch pulled at his features, but he just went back to work. A flare of anger coiled in my stomach and I stepped inside the door even further.

"After how you spoke to me just now, the least you can do is fucking _look_at me!" I growled, finding the tension, the fear of unknown getting the better of me. If he wouldn't respond to apology, maybe conflict would work. Still, he didn't acknowledge me.

"You don't wanna talk? Fine. _I__'__ll_talk. You've said enough already." I kicked at an upturned crate by his work bench, waiting until it skittered against the wall. For a short pause, I contemplated sitting on it, but the cocktail of adrenaline permeating my blood wouldn't allow for that. I had to stand, because my legs felt like they'd tremble to nothing if I didn't just keep moving.

"I didn't do this to hurt you. None of us did," I began, and his movements halted. The last of the engine parts simply tumbled from his grasp, and he braced himself on the edge of the hood, shoulders heaving with each ragged breath. He wouldn't look.

"This just _happened_ between us. I spent a lot of time hurt and trying to get over you, and I built my own support system. It just happened to be that they were your friends too," I said, hating how my voice almost sounded apologetic. I licked my lips, trying to clear my throat so I came across more sure of myself. "Leah showed me what it felt like to be strong. She showed that you _can_put yourself back together independently, and the best headspace to be in is your own."

My brow creased as I thought about her, and I wondered if Leah was simply following her own advice right now - spending time in her own head so that she could rebuild who she was as a person. I just wanted it to be enough, even though there was someone here more than willing to be her crutch.

"Paul - well, he was just a consequence of that. He's had feelings for Leah for a while now. All I did was help him figure out if it was worth pursuing," I gulped, "Paul knows what he wants, and he fights for it - and that's the one lesson I took away from him. Maybe they're making a mistake - or maybe the mistake's been made - but I think it's up to them to figure out if it's ever gonna work out or not."

His chest was still heaving with barely-contained disgust, but while he was _here _and _silent_, I wasn't going to forgo the chance to tell him everything, while he actually was in a position to listen. I owed it to Embry to diffuse this before Jacob's anger became physical.

Because I wasn't sure Embry would come out of it in one piece, and the thought of what that would do to him - to the pack - and ultimately to Jacob, once he'd come back to his senses, scared the hell out of me.

"And Embry," I said, my lips curling upwards in some masquerade of a smile, but my eyes were downcast and my forehead pinched. "It just... _grew_ between us. We spent time together. We got to know one another, and before I even realised it, I was thinking about him all the time..."

Jacob's eyes closed and he turned his head, almost like a wince.

"...and I was _leaning _on him, and though Leah taught me what it is to be strong, Embry showed me that it's okay to be weak, too. It's alright if you don't have it all figured out because it's not over until it's over."

I licked my lips as the speech ended, not sure if any of it had come out the way I'd intended it to. This was all just a horrible misunderstanding, and maybe if he knew that none of it was a ploy to hurt him in some way, he'd be more amenable.

"Well isn't that fucking heartwarming," he grunted, taking me by surprise as he broke the silence. "Tell me, did you read that in one of your novels or is it your own brand of bullshit that you came up with by yourself?"

All traces of remorse ebbed out of me at the venom in his tone. I shook my head. "Fuck you. You don't get to tell me what I do or don't feel. You _left_ me, Jacob. You just dropped me like I didn't matter and expected me to be okay with it. I'm not going to apologise for building a life out of the ashes that _you_ left."

His eyes rose to meet mine at that, and my blood chilled at the dark chuckle that left his mouth as he stood up to full height. "That's what it was, wasn't it?" he said. My brow dipped, and I came to a stop a few feet away from where he stood. "Just trying to make the best of it."

"What the hell are you saying?" I spat, feeling my heart pound as I braced myself for whatever caused that silent confidence to lace his tone.

"That you, Miss '_I__'__m__-__So__-__Over__-__You_'..." he shook his head, "You know what this is really about, and you're just trying to fool yourself." He took a step closer. Another - and another, and soon, my back was against the wall, his form leaning over me as he studied my face for any break in composure. "You settled for second best - because what's the next best thing to _me__?_"

My head jerked back and I gaped at him, not fully comprehending how much of a cocky, arrogant asshole he was being.

"Excuse me?" I glared, my blood beginning to boil. _He __can__'__t __possibly __mean__.._

"Tell me, Bells. When you're kissing him, do you find yourself leaning up a little more, because his height isn't the same as what you're imagining in your head?" He weaved a palm out from his hairline into thin air. His other hand came up to join the first, stopping around three inches below.

Embry's height.

Jacob looked down at me and raised a brow innocently, like it was a genuine question.

I was speechless, my hands pressed by my sides in balled fists. The tiny wolf cut into my palm, and I was almost sure it was biting through the skin, just like who it represented was eating away at my resolve. He braced his own hands on the wall either side of my head, until his heat became suffocating. There was that same energy rolling off his body and I found myself stuck in place, the feeling of danger freezing my movements. He leaned into me, voice dropping to a growling whisper.

"_Do __you __close __your __eyes __sometimes __and __pretend __that __it__'__s __me__... __hmm__... '__inside__' __you__?_"

My stomach lurched, and my fists came up to a fruitless assault on his chest. I pushed and grunted, trying desperately to reign back my personal space that he was so effortlessly encroaching on.

"How _dare _you! How _dare _you say something like that to me! You're a complete and utter piece of shit, Jacob!" I screeched, finally getting free.

He stepped back slowly, letting me know that he only let me go on _his_ terms. My face flushed, every muscle in my body tensing with frustration. I couldn't believe I'd actually come here in the hope of reasoning with him. This wasn't my friend anymore. I missed Jake more than anything, and looking at this person now, it was fully clear to me that that version of him was gone.

He gave a nonchalant shrug, a strange satisfaction on his face that the words had had their desired effect. I was left shaking with outrage because - once again, Jacob had reduced me to angry tears.

"Didn't you consider him in all of this? Huh?" He fluttered a hand outwards, a throwaway, dismissive gesture. "Your little schemes are gonna end up hurting someone, and it's not fair to lead him on. He's my best friend. I just can't believe you're so cold that you'd use him to get back at me." He stepped back further, kicking at the ground with a frustrated grunt as small pieces of shrapnel hit the walls.

My lips formed a thin line as I sucked in a breath through my nose, knowing now that he was trying to get to me in his own messed-up way - by further cheapening my relationship with Embry into an immature game that was all about us. I knew deep down that a part of him really was worried about his friend - his protective instinct was to blame for that - but he still didn't _know__. _He hadn't been there when this was all new and frightening for us. He hadn't seen how much we struggled with letting go and giving in to what we couldn't control.

"I got over you, Jacob," I snapped, my voice turning into a frustrated, cloying sound. "I didn't handle it well at first, but I worked at it every day and finally I got to that place where I could start to think of someone other than you!" I set my brown into a furrow, gulping in air to try and form my point with some coherence. "And it scared the shit out of me! So you don't get to stand there and tell me that what I feel for him is just misplaced, that I'm still pining for you because I'm not."

"Then why'd you hide it, then?" he growled, whirling around so suddenly I winced.

"Because we didn't want to hurt anyone! But I see now how _stupid_ that was! Because the only people getting hurt here is _us__._" I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Do you love him?" he asked, demandingly. My eyes snapped open again, caught off-guard at the sudden probe. I wasn't going to answer that - I hadn't even said it to Embry, and there was no way the first time admitting it aloud was going to be in response to Jacob, to prove some point.

"That's none of your business."

"It's a simple question. Either you do or you don't. It's not as if you don't _know_ either way."

"I'm not going to tell you, even if I do - because it's between us, and whether I say it or not is of no consequence to you. I don't care what you think anymore, Jacob. All I care about is him right now."

I spat the last words over my shoulder, turning towards the door. I was done - I had to leave, because I was sick of crumbling in front of him. The wolf charm tumbled from my grasp and went skittering across the floor, and I had no desire to retrieve it. Jacob held too many of my tears and owned too many of the scars on my heart. He had no right to make me feel like shit for putting myself back together, or who I chose to share the new version of myself with.

There was a moment of contemplative silence as the charm halted, and I could almost see it catching his attention without turning. Jacob missed nothing.

"Sure," he scoffed bitterly, returning to his tirade. "Keep telling yourself that." I shook my head, still not bothering to turn around. "But ask yourself this. What happens if he imprints? If you're so strong, so sure about being with him, what then?"

I froze, my heart stuttering at the stab of fear piercing through me. Taking a steadying breath, I urged one foot in front of the other - but he wasn't done.

"Because, though you seem hell-bent on being with him by any means necessary, you know the truth - it's not going to work out for you." I heard him take a step closer, encouraged by the impact his words were having on me. "If you were really meant to be, fate would have already decided that. You'd be his imprint... but even the spirits know that you're not right for him. You weren't enough for _me_ - for any of us. It's just a matter of time before he figures it out too."

My face crumpled through the sudden, burning onslaught of tears, and I forced my way forward, through the door, and tried to out-run the crippling doubt that was making my breaths come in short pants and my stomach heave. That was the one thing I didn't have guarantees about. In one single conversation, Jacob had managed to lay out every single thing that worried me about being with Embry and lit it up, until brushing it under the rug, and faking my new self-confidence wasn't going to work anymore. I cursed myself for not having a comeback ready - for not being strong enough to defend us, because those fears were real. They were tangible and I couldn't dismiss them, because those fears were my own.

How could Embry still want me when one of his best friends in the entire world presented the truth I feared he'd one day realise? That I wasn't enough for him?

Stupid, human girls - who fate knew didn't quite qualify to be the soulmate of sweet, heroic boys who don't care that you're broken – don't get to keep those boys to ourselves. Maybe I was just being selfish by letting him think I could.

I pushed at the half-open door until it bounced back against the outer wall of the building, leaving a cold, unfamiliar Jacob in my wake. Each blink as I tried to regain my vision released another tear snaking down my cheek, and I stumbled, keeping my vision trained on my shoes in my quest for distance.

A pair of unfamiliar sneakers in my line of sight halted my steps, and I stopped short, sniffling as my eyes snapped up to meet a pair of wide, blue ones, radiating shock and confusion.

Melanie.

I squeezed my lids shut, shaking my head at her unasked questions and pushed past her, forcing my legs beyond my truck and on to the dirt path that led away from Jacob, and hopefully, away from the unwelcome truths he'd spewed on me. A resounding crash rippled through the air, and a loud, roaring curse accompanied it, echoing through the wind and shuddering through my core with aftershocks of dull pain.

I walked for long minutes, not quite deciding on a destination until the scent of sea air and thundering winds garnered my attention. I looked up, realising I'd walked all the way to the beach without conscious thought. I heaved in a breath, welcoming the taste of sea-salt on my tongue. It reminded me of everything good I'd gained in my life. The scent of Embry's skin, the taste of him, the comforting warmth of his embrace - but a sob hiccupped through me, because it was tainted now. Because the echoes of Jacob's voice played on a loop in the back of my mind.

_You__'__re __not __right __for __him__. __It__'__s __just __a __matter __of __time __before __he __figures __it __out__, __too__._

I found my way to the sand, not bothering to pull off my shoes and spare them. I just wanted to collapse into the waves, and let it wash everything I lacked from me. I'd adamantly reasoned with Embry that imprinting wasn't a factor for us - because _he_was what I'd needed in my life. _He_was it for me, and I'd spent so much time convincing him of that that I'd managed to ignore the gnawing self-doubt in my own heart. He was enough for me, but was I enough for him?

That was the ultimate question.

Embry had made it clear to me that he saw me a certain way; that I'd become this impossible figure in his eyes who could overcome adversity and save people, and that I had an inherent strength inside me that only he could see. Thinking back, every single time he'd made that clear to me, I'd bitten my tongue and swallowed up the protests that I was weak and indecisive and that I was none of those things. I was just a girl, and I'd selfishly let him believe I was more because the reflection of myself in his eyes was so much better than the reality.

I collapsed on to the sand with a huff, my butt making a small indent as I pulled my knees up to my chin and encircled them with my arms. I watched the sea, and I wondered how the hell I could have faked being strong for so long.

There was an intermission of thought-filled silence before I heard the sound of soft approaching footsteps. My heart leapt and sank simultaneously as I realised it was a girl - probably Leah - come to check up on me. But Leah would have nothing but I-told-you-so's, and she wasn't here.

The sneakers I'd seen before appeared by my side, and without a word, Melanie collapsed beside me, a soft grunt passing her lips as the impact forced air from her lungs. I gave her a sidelong look, but said nothing, too uncomfortable that she knew what was going on, that she could smugly sit back and watch while my life crashed around my ears.

She didn't speak for a long moment, just content to watch the waves like I was. Sneaking glances, I took in the tortured crease between her brows, and the grim set of her lips which looked anything but smug. She really was beautiful, and I knew that even without the dreaded imprint, if she had been someone in Jacob's life, I would have been jealous beyond reason. She had a grace about her that I could only dream of, and everything in her life was figured out. I envied that.

I tore my gaze away, knowing that her presence was only bringing out further inadequacies that I didn't need right now. She drew in a breath to speak, but let it out, further contemplating what the hell to say. I knew the feeling.

On her second attempt, she finally broke the silence. "Are you okay?"

I swallowed thickly, just giving a half-hearted shrug. Why was she here?

"I mean..." she scoffed self-deprecatingly, "Stupid question. I heard..."

I turned to her at last, surprised by the familiarity of her tone. She met my gaze, and licked her lips, apology reigning in her eyes. "I'm sorry he was so horrible to you."

My brow creased, and I stared at her, waiting for the catch. "Excuse me?"

"I only heard the end... but he was really," she shook her head, blowing a breath out through her lips, "I've never heard him talk to anyone that way before."

I eyed her suspiciously, not quite ready to believe she was being genuine. I stiffened. "Why are you here?"

He gaze fell to the ground with guilt, and she rolled her lips between her teeth. "I guess I just wanted to make sure you're alright."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Well, I'm fine. You can go report back to him now."

She shook her head. "He didn't send me."

I sniffed dryly. "Course not. Why would he?"

"He wanted me to go, though."

My eyes met hers again. "Yeah? He didn't seem too cut up when I left. What makes you think he cares?"

She laid a hand over her stomach carefully, like it was too painful to receive much pressure. "I just know - I can feel it."

I turned my face away. "Oh. Of course. Bound for eternity." I saw her head dip out of my peripheral vision, and felt a stab of remorse. She didn't have to be here, and all I seemed to do was treat her with disdain.

"Look, Melanie, I'm sorry, but I should really be alone right now."

She nodded. "And I'm probably the last person you want to see."

I grimaced into my knees, feeling drained, shameful, and so past all of this. I just wanted to curl under my blankets and shut the world out. I sighed heavily. "I'm sorry I've been so mean to you... I wasn't always like this."

She gave a soft smile and nodded. "I know."

My head turned to her again, confused. "You 'know'?"

Another nod. "He talks about you a lot." My lips snapped shut, and I watched her silently, not sure how to continue. "I feel like I know you, even if I don't. Well, not _really__._"

A flash of her face as I'd screamed at her came to my mind's eye, and I cringed. "Sorry, for, you know... yelling at you."

She held up a hand. "Don't...there's no need to apologise. I can't imagine how you-" she choked, biting her lip and taking another breath. "I got off light, is what I'm trying to say."

I cast my eyes down, not quite ready to believe I was being forgiven so easily. She faced the sea again and continued.

"I know what they all thought of me - he tried to shield me from it, but I could tell." She let out a sigh, her eyes glazing over in recollection. "I tried _really_hard to win them over; being friendly, taking an interest in them all. Bribing them with food... Emily was my ally for a while. I guess she knew how it felt. They were all so pleasant to my face, but I'm not stupid."

I listened with rapt attention, curious about the time after everything went to hell, and I'd wrapped myself up in a cocoon of hatred and bitterness. I'd always just assumed everything clicked into place seamlessly for her - for the both of them.

"After you gave me a piece of your mind," she said, a small quirk to her lips, "They kind of warmed to me a bit. I guess they thought since you'd had your moment, they could feel a little less guilty."

I rolled my lips, wetting them from the dryness of the salted air. "I didn't think any of them really cared," I mused.

She turned to me, a fierce conviction in her eyes. "Oh they did. Believe that. It took a long time for me to feel any kind of acceptance."

"But it wasn't your fault."

"Maybe not, but it's not like I did myself any favours. I'm sure Seth would tell you that."

I let out a breath, recalling the bitterness in his tone when he spoke about what happened. It was all wrong - Seth Clearwater was never one for grudges, and it took the death of an ideal to change him into that person. "Seth's just... angry. I think it's at Jacob more than anyone."

She nodded. "Yeah, I can see that. I guess the two of us are never going to gel. Any time I've tried with him, I just get shut down, so I stopped trying."

I rested my chin on my forearms, watching the waves silently.

"I'm sorry I didn't try harder," she continued, causing me to lift my face to her again. "To give him a chance to break it."

My mouth fell open scarcely believing that I was getting the apology I'd never dared to imagine. "I..."

"It's just... I was so _alone_, when he found me. That night? In front of the movie theatre - I was just _standing __there_." Her expression became tortured, one I recognised from reliving painful memories. "I had no friends to call, because I'd just moved to Port Ange. I was reading the showing times just so I could watch three back-to-back. The only other option was sitting alone in my one-bedroom apartment and trying not to cry."

My brow furrowed. "What happened?"

"I got dumped," she said, a rueful smile gracing her features, like she knew how pathetic it sounded. Things were too fragile between us for me to give an opinion. "My high school sweetheart. Guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with brought me out to dinner. I thought he was going to propose - he brought me there to end it. Told me he'd never had real feelings for me, and didn't see the point in delaying the inevitable. Tragic, huh?"

Flashbacks of a walk into the forest, and golden eyes telling me that I'd become a distraction - that this was the last time I'd ever see him - played on a fragmented loop in my mind.

"I know the feeling."

She looked at me pointedly, and the realisation that I did, in fact, know, dawned over her face. I knew then that she knew my story. She cleared her throat, still wanting to give me an explanation I'd never before heard.

"So there I was. Lost. Alone. Depressed. I left my family behind and deferred college because I just got so sick of the pity in everyone's eyes... and then this guy comes up behind me." She started to smile. "He puts his hands over my eyes, and he's so _warm__. _And even though I _knew_ that he had the wrong girl, the moment I turned around, it's like everything just made sense in my life."

I winced, trying not to dredge up the dull, barely-there pangs of jealousy in my chest because it had happened for her and not for me.

"And not only was he the most beautiful person I'd ever seen, he was kind. There was a gentleness in those strong hands. A power in his convictions. He had a laugh that felt like I was being held in warm arms, and a smile that chased the clouds away."

"His own personal sun," I murmured, teases of a sad smile forming on my lips.

She gave a nod, mirroring my expression with sympathy. Her eyes slid shut, like the next part was painful. "And then I got to know his story," she said, and a tear snaked down her delicate cheekbone, barely daring to break free. "And I found out about you... what had happened to you." Her eyes opened again and she looked at me, broken, full of shame. "I felt like the worst person, but even though everyone clearly resented me, they all said it was unavoidable. Jacob said it was fate, and we can't apologise for that. After that, I think we both managed to kid ourselves into thinking that we shouldn't feel bad."

Her hand wove into her hair, and she pushed it back from her face, scrubbing a palm down her cheeks. "Deep down, I _knew_I should have done something... but... it's _Jacob__, _you know?"

I tore my gaze away from her eyes nodding into my lap. "Yeah. I know."

_Why __would __anyone willingly __give __him __up__?_

"So I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry I took him away from you and I'm sorry that you're going through this today, but if anything you should take this as proof."

"Proof? Of what?"

"That you're his choice. The love of his life. Not once did he stop caring about you or worrying. He may be bound to me, we may be stitched together by fate and magic and all that crap - but Bella, if he had any say in it, any at all... he'd be with you."

I shook my head, reeling back from her. "Melanie, it's not like that.."

She smiled again, that same sympathy adorning her features. "But it _is__. _Don't you see? You being with Embry... you taking this risk again... it's scaring the crap out of him. All those horrible things he said, the way he was looking at you - it's a front. He's in part denial that you really feel anything for Em, and the other part of him is trying to scare you off." She laced her hands together on her knees, and there was a resigned set to her mouth. "Because he knows he's not going to be there to put you back together if it all goes wrong - and it kills him that someone else did the last time."

"You think he's just worried?" I said, disbelievingly.

"Incredibly. And it's eating him up because we all know he has no right to burden you with it. Embry gave you back something that we took away. Your happiness." She clutched on to my arm and gave me a pleading look. "Please... if it's right for you, don't let Jacob's frustration with himself sour what you could have. Embry's an amazing guy - he's never made me feel unwelcome, even though I'm sure he wanted to, deep down. He deserves to find his own happy ending, and if that's with you, who is anyone else to argue with it?"

I blinked at her, and I realised my own tears had re-formed as she spoke. My voice came out as a croak, crushed under the weight of emotions I had no idea what to do with. "But what if it all gets taken away again? What if I'm not enough?"

The smile she gave was pained. "Does he think you are?"

I nodded.

"Then you owe it to him to believe it."

I frowned, letting a sob escape as I shook my head. "I... can't."

She pushed out a breath, like she remembered exactly what that was like - to feel unworthy. Less than you could be. I knew now, that she knew exactly how that felt. "Maybe... maybe not. Just do him a favour. Take some time. And _try__._"

Unnerved by the whole situation, my tears flowed freely as shuddering sobs shook my shoulders. Melanie wiped at her own face as she tried to reign back her emotions. Silence stretched out between us, and finally I felt like any words I spoke wouldn't come out as spluttering nonsense.

"Melanie-"

A howl pierced the air in the distance, mournful and urgent, and chilling the blood in my veins.

We both looked to each other, all colour draining from her face as I'm sure matched my own. We struggled to our feet, instantly breaking into a run towards the sound and kicking sand up in our wake. I knew instinctively that it came from Jacob's house, and the single, heartbreaking fear for the safety of those most important in my life barrelled through me.

We closed the distance in short time, adrenaline propelling our very human feet faster than I'm sure we both were normally. My heart pounded in my chest, and a leaden weight crushed the air from my lungs as I tried to get there on time. This was all my fault. I had to fix this.

Up ahead, Jared's broad back neared the edge of the Blacks' lawn in as he ran, and Melanie called out. He spun in place, not quite breaking his stride, eyes wide and full of terror.

"Jared! What is it?!" she yelled, both our feet not quite working fast enough.

"Is it Embry?" I demanded breathlessly, feeling like my guts were trying to claw their way up my throat. _No. Not like this. How could we have been so stupid? So naive?  
_

Jared shook his head, eyes still glazed over in shock and pure, blind panic.

"No!" he said. "It's Leah!"

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******A/N: Hey guys, just a little heads up that the Fandom Choice awards are now accepting nominations, so if you're enjoying the story it'd be super nice to get a nod. ;)********  
Even if you're not - there are plenty of other Wolfgirls out there who deserve the recognition (and I'm sure vamp authors too, but I don't tend to stray to that side of the fandom!) Just hit up Tricky Raven for the details.**

I hope you liked this chapter. It took a lot out of me. Let me know what you think?


	33. The Timeless Art of Men

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**Suggested listening: Timeless Art by Matthew Mayfield, _I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab For Cutie, Winter by Joshua Radin, Track You Down by Matthew Mayfield_ (those three are for Paul), Lover's Eyes by Mumford & Sons, Leave by Glen Hansard, Can't Change My Mind by Matthew Mayfield**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Three: The Timeless Art of Men**

**Embry POV**

"You should let me take you out some time, Tiff. Remind you what a _real _man's like," Quil called over his shoulder, prompting a rough shove down the steps. I swear, half the time he just made it easy for us to beat on him.

"Sure thing, Quil," my mom laughed. "I'll let you know when I'm comfortable with being one of those leopards." She waved her hands by her face like this was a term she used every single day.

Quil frowned, and all I could do was sigh. "It's _cougars, _Mom. A _cougar _dates guys half her age, and you're never gonna be one."

She was at the door now, reaching up to ruffle my hair like I was still nine. "Whatever. It's just hard for my baby to admit his old momma's still got appetites..." she crooned, about a second away from pinching my cheek. I winced back.

"Nah, he's just worried 'cause you're a complete hottie, Tiff. He knows I - and countless others - would be happy to be your toy-boy," he cut in, folding his arms and jerking his chin at her in what was known as the patented Quil Ateara Leer. To my stomach-lurching shock, she winked - _winked - _back at him, offering a smile I swear to God I've never seen before.

I gaped between them, realising much too late that they were fucking with me, and that Quil was managing to outsmart me when he teamed up with my _mother. _Bella was really throwing me off my game.

"You guys are assholes," I grumbled, moving down the remaining steps and bypassing Quil with a shove. I could hear the laughter ring out behind me.

"Language, Buddy!" she called, but I didn't want to turn to see the grin on her face, instead stalking onward and waiting for the tell-tale scamper of Quil's oversized feet as he caught up.

"So she still doesn't know anything?" he asked, glancing back like my mom had developed super-hearing. I shook my head.

"She suspects something. This morning she asked if I was sneaking out all the time to see a _girl..._" I winced. His face cracked into a smug grin.

"Well, well.. looks like Tiff's finally hit the nail on the head.. sort of."

I raised a brow back at him as we walked. "Yeah... _sort of._ I just about choked on my tongue. All this time it's been '_Is it drugs? If you're in a gang, you need to tell me now!_'" I mocked, raising my voice in an impression of her. "And today she takes one look at me and says, '_If I didn't know better, I'd say you were seeing someone... but my only son would tell me if there was another woman in his life.._'" I cringed, shutting my eyes at the mixture of guilt and embarrassment that particular conversation had caused.

He chuckled, shaking his head. "My my, Tiff's got your number."

"Will you _stop _calling her that?"

"Not when she loves it so much. Your mom wants me, dude."

"My _mom_helped potty-train you. Shut the fuck up."

He sniffed, turning away like he knew better, but it was below him to even argue. I changed the subject before he ended up scarring me for life.

"So Bella's party..."

He turned back. "Yeah, Operation Don't-Tell-Anyone-You're-Porkin'-The-Birthday-Girl. Fun times." His voice was bitter, and once again the bile-tinged swell of guilt rose up my throat.

"We're telling everyone tomorrow."

He looked at me, eyes wide, and snapped his jaw shut. "Well, jeez. Maybe I shoulda booked a vacation."

I scoffed. "Come on... once it's all out in the open it won't be that bad." _I hope._

"Yeah, and maybe one day you and Bella and Jake and Mel can have a double wedding, And your kids can date and you'll all live together in one big house with a gay next door neighbour and a dog who can talk," he sneered, head cocked condescendingly to the side. "Life is not a sitcom, dude. This isn't gonna be pretty."

I hung my head, watching my steps as the road turned to grass once again, and we were almost in Jake's yard. "I know... but at least if I don't go into this feeling like it's a death sentence I'll be able to be a _man _about it."

Quil snorted. "Or a wolf."

I narrowed my eyes, snorting softly. "Yeah, a wolf with three paws and teethmarks in his flank if Jake finds out before I get a chance to explain."

He opened his mouth to reply, but whatever it was died in his throat, and he looked towards the garage. We both stiffened.

"You feel that?" he asked, voice barely more than a whisper. I did. Raw, complete and absolute. Rage, power and feral instinct radiated from the small building, and our proximity meant that it was so tangible that I felt the first shudders snaking down my spine. It was then that I saw it - old, red and beat up, completely unmistakable. Bella's truck was parked in the drive... and Jacob felt like _that._

_Oh... no._

"Fuck."

Quil's eyebrows shot to his hairline. "What do we do?"

I shook my head. "I..." My eyes clenched shut and without decision, I felt my feet closing the distance. She was here... with _him... _and I couldn't let her do this alone. The walk to the entrance seemed too long and too short at the same time, and I couldn't seem to tell my body what to do anymore. The door swung open loosely as my eyes scanned the interior, seeking her out with worry and fear of the unknown. He was slouched in the corner, legs stretched out before him and broken car parts littering the scene, but there was no Bella.

Cold fear rose in my chest. "Where is she?!"

His eyes snapped up, like he wasn't aware I'd been there, but that was impossible. The golden hue ringing his irises welded my steps to the ground, and he rose to his feet.

"Where's-" I gulped, knowing the question wasn't needed but the icy grip was clawing at my ribs. "Where's_ Bella_?" It came out like a demand.

"Not. Here."

I could smell her. In my panic, it'd been overlooked, but now all that existed was the scent of her tears and the fading trail that led past me and outside. My brain tried to catch up as my vision scanned the room. Mentally cataloguing the places she'd been. I glared at him again. "What did you do?"

He snorted, and it was like everything his face was saying was seeping into me. "Me?" he said, pressing his fingers into his chest. His hand was shaking. "What the fuck did _you _do?" He took a step closer. "What the fuck have you been doing? With her? Huh, Em?"

My stupid body betrayed me, and my head dropped to the side, baring my neck submissively in the face of my own pissed-off Alpha. But I couldn't give into that. Bella deserved someone who wouldn't give up the fight; someone who believed in _us _as much as she believed in me. Muscles tensing, I rolled my neck, defiantly reaching up with my eyes to meet his.

"It's between _us_," I said, and I really fucking hated how my voice sounded.

He leaned back, giving me a cold smirk. "Funny, she said the same thing. I asked her if she loved you and she couldn't even answer."

_Don't let him get into your head. It's what he does when he's pissed off. He's trying to hurt you_.

I set my jaw, brows furrowing resolutely in the face of his mocking sneer as the mantra looped in my head.. "Stop trying to fuck with me, Jacob. Tell me where she is!"

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I'm not fucking with you. If anyone's fucking with you, we both know who it is."

I saw red - and pushed. I pushed at his chest and he reeled back, a low growl threatening from the base of his throat. My fists flexed and clenched with energy, and each breath felt like a lifeline, sucking calm into my body when all I wanted to do was _destroy._

"Oh, you're _really _gonna try that? With _me? _Don't forget who you're dealing with here..."

"Alright, come on, guys... enough!"

I don't know when Quil had appeared beside me, but he was there, arms outstretched warily between us as his head jerked to Jacob and then myself. I could hear his heart racing against his ribs.

"We're all friends here... let's not forget _that_."

Jacob tore his gaze away from me to regard him, a realisation dawning over his features before it settled in an icy glare.

"Are we? Really? 'Cause I'm thinkin' that maybe a _friend _would have told me what the fuck was going on, instead of siding with one over the other."

Quil gaped at him, shaking his head apologetically. "I'm sorry, man. It wasn't my place..."

"How long?" Jacob ground out, teeth audibly scraping over one another.

"Just a week or so, I swear-"

"A _week? _You've known about this for a fucking _week?_"

"Jake, man... please... it doesn't have to be like this. We were trying to figure out the best way to-"

"You guys are something else, you know that? You're supposed to be my friends. My _pack_... and you're running around keeping secrets for some tramp who's using you both."

The red in my vision turned white, and burned. "Shut the fuck up!" Another push. "You don't get to talk that way about her! Just shut your fucking mouth for once and stop playing the 'Poor, Forgotten Jake' card!"

"_I'm _playing the victim?" He pushed back. Quil flailed to intervene. "_Please_... You've got issues a mile long, Embry, and somehow you managed to kid yourself into thinking that she actually _wants _you? It's pathetic."

He was _not _getting into my head. I lunged forward, only to meet Quil's chest as he blocked my advance.

"Guys! Come on! Everybody calm down!" he yelled over the din of growls and the shudder of impending phase. He turned to me, trying to appeal to my nature over the white-hot rage of a pissed-off alpha.

"You need to find her, _now._" He turned to Jacob again and enunciated clearly. "Where. Is. Bella."

He threw an arm up in the direction of the doorway. "She's gone! Maybe she fucking saw sense. It's about time one of you did." He looked me up and down, like he couldn't quite fathom my existence. "How stupid can you be? Fuck!"

I took a breath, letting my eyes drop to the ground finally as I pulled a lip between my teeth. Fighting with him - and probably getting my ass kicked in the process due to the skewed balance of power - wasn't going to solve anything, but _fuck me_if he wasn't making it hard to be the bigger man.

"You don't get it," I growled harshly to my feet.

"Oh, I fucking get it alright. I didn't know she was so _damaged._"

My eyes snapped up to his. "_You're_ fucking damaged. You're so fucked that up you don't even see the truth. You're _jealous_. How messed up is that?"

He lunged towards me, eyes alight with fury that I'd never seen in him before and I tensed my body for the impact.

Which never came.

A howl pierced into the tension, so broken and mournful that it stilled my heart in my chest. Instincts spoke to us all as three heads turned towards it, eyes snapping around the interior of the garage like we could see the source. It wasn't a call of emergency - it was resigned. Grieving.

"Paul," Jacob said to no-one, immediately spurring into action. He pushed past both of us towards the dimming daylight, a singular quest on his mind as we fell into deliberate step behind him, flanking him.

"It's coming from the forest. Was he patrolling?" I asked, feeling a new chill tense in my shoulders. Jacob shook his head.

"He's been mostly wolf all week. Running the perimeter just so he doesn't sit at home wondering about Leah." he turned back to us, assessing me for a moment before he spoke to Quil. "Phase in and go meet him. It's best if I-" he let out a breath, eyes snapping to me once more. "Just keep me updated. I'm gonna gather the Pack."

Quil nodded, moving already to unbutton his pants as he ran for the tree-line.

Jacob's head turned in an arc, sniffing the air as his body followed. "Where's Mel?" He focused on me intently. "Did you see her?"

I shook my head, the urge to run off and find Bella and bring her some place safe itching in my feet. "No... she wasn't here when I arrived." We both knew from the scent trail leading off towards the road - matching Bella's - that she had been, and not long ago.

He cursed under his breath. "I shouldn't have let-" he growled, berating himself as he pulled out his cell, "Fuck, we gotta find..."

"Jake!"

Melanie's voice shut his words off, and we both whirled to see those we most needed to protect running towards us, led by an ashen-looking Jared.

Bella reached me shortly after Melanie passed in a worried blur, her hands reaching out to grasp at my face as they shook. "Are you alright? He didn't...?" She looked at the two of us, Jacob watching stonily over Melanie's shoulder as Bella's breath left her lungs in relief. "I tried calling... but you didn't... and then I... but the _howl_..." The words were a fragmented explanation, but all I could comprehend was that she was here and and I could hear the beat of her heart and smell the salt of tears of her cheek.

"Leah's in trouble!" Jared cut in, no time for relieved conversation. "I was phased... Paul was off at the other end of the Rez and there was a crash," he said, eyes wide as saucers and struggling to coherently string the story together. "She was in her car, and she went off the side of the road... but she's sick, man... there's something wrong with her."

Bella turned to look at me, needing an explanation I couldn't give.

"What do you mean, 'sick'? We don't _get_ sick," Jacob demanded, stepping away from Melanie and towards him. Jared's head shook furiously as his shoulders met his ears. "I don't _know. _Paul phased out as soon as he saw her. I couldn't get a good look, but she wasn't forced off the road-"

"Leah?!" another voice joined, and we turned to take in Seth, face gaunt with shock and worry approaching. he was flanked by Collin and Brady, who were giving new meaning to the deer-caught-in-headlights expression. "What happened to her... is she here? Where _is _she?!"

Jacob's hand snaked out haltingly. "We don't know... but she's back." He dipped his head, meeting eyes with their frantic counterpart. "Seth, I need you to keep your head on this. Go get your mom. I don't care what she's doing, tell her it's urgent. Do _not _tell her it's your sister, okay? She's our only shot and we need her on her game as long as we can. She needs to bring any medical supplies she has, alright? Go!"

No trace of Seth's now-usual defiance could be seen as he turned on the spot, phasing seamlessly on the fly and darting towards his house. Jacob turned to Jared then. "Is Kim at Sam's? With Emily?"

He nodded.

"Good. Take the girls there now... don't stop for anything. Tell Sam to stay put until I send word otherwise. Then I need you to run a perimeter further out from the house. Do you understand?"

"But shouldn't Sam be-" Jared began, only to be interrupted by a shake of Jacob's head.

"If Leah's hurt, Paul won't be doing so good. I can't have all of _that _going on too. Just go!"

"Em..." Bella began. I placed my hands on her shoulders and stooped to look in her eyes.

"It's gonna be okay. Please.. go with Jare'... You gotta keep yourself safe, okay?"

Eyes fell to my chest, her lip quivering as her head inclined in agreement. I leaned forward to press a reassuring kiss on her forehead, no care for the audience, but she turned from my grasp, averting her gaze guiltily to the ground and caught up with Melanie, who was throwing worried looks over her shoulder at Jake. _What the hell did he say to Bella?_

"Alright, you pups need to keep running the perimeter in case this is an attack," he began to Brady and Colin. I could do nothing but watch on as Bella stiffly walked off behind Jared, not once turning back to look at me. The sinking feeling in my gut was only snuffed out by the call of duty at hand. I turned my attention back to Jacob, trying to block out everything I felt, because if one of our own was hurt, now was not the time for grudging confrontations or the demand for answers.

"...We can't let the guard down. You have to stay-"

"Jake!"

All heads whipped to the tree-line where Quil was struggling with his pants, barely buttoning them before he broke into a run.

"It's Leah. Paul found her at the side of the road and-"

"Yes, we _know. _Where is she _now?_"

The rustle of foliage signalled Paul's entrance. He was on two feet, no clothes on his body, and cradling an unconscious Leah to his chest. His heart hammered as loud as each step, but hers was eerily silent. It was only after straining that I picked it up - weak, but there.

"She stinks! Of fucking... fucking _leech!_" he balked breathlessly, voice barely straining above the whisper of her heart, like drowning it out was some crime. Shudders shook his chest, and each step became less deliberate and sure and more stumbling and erratic. "I gotta..._We_gotta..."

"Take her into the house. Put her down in there... Sue's on the way," Jacob ordered, knowing what we all knew from a glance - Lahote was crumbling to pieces, and the only thing holding him up right now was the fact that the girl he loved was in his arms. Paul stared back at him wordlessly, a barely-there spark of comprehension in his glassy, unseeing eyes. He stopped moving, looking down at her, like the thought of not having her in his grip was the most horrifying thing imaginable. Jacob stepped forward, brow crinkling intensely at his brother. "She's breathing, Paul. Listen."

Paul nodded, eyes not yet torn away from the girl in his arms. That's what she looked like - just a girl. Her skin was pale and lackluster, the flimsy dress she'd hastily pulled on bunching around her thighs and torn in places. There was a large, dark-red stain of blood colouring the light cotton beneath Paul's grip – a life-threatening amount. She had no shoes. Her hair was plastered to her forehead in a cold sweat, and for the first time in months, Leah looked helpless. She looked breakable, and all I wanted was for her to open her eyes and yell at us to stop staring like a 'bunch of pervs'.

But Leah was silent, and the way her head lolled lifelessly over the crook of Paul's arm as he finally forced himself to move told me she wasn't going to be yelling at us any time soon. And the thought chilled me to the bone.

Jacob paused as Paul passed him, turning to flash an authoritative glare at the two pups gaping helplessly at what was happening before them. I didn't think Quil and I were doing much better.

"What did I just say? _Go!_"

I think in the end, they welcomed the chance to be somewhere else.

"What the hell _happened?_" I croaked after they left, not directing the question to anyone, but Quil shook his head.

"I have no idea, man.. best guess? She got into it with a bunch of leeches wherever she was... and lost."

"Why the fuck would she take them on alone?" I growled, angry at her, angry at myself for not looking for her properly, angry at this whole mess.

Quil's brow furrowed, and we watched as Paul disappeared inside the house, Jacob not far behind. "Why would she run off alone in the first place?"

I didn't have an answer for that.

The sound of an engine barrelling up the street dragged our attention away from futile questions, and my eyes met the worried, dark-circled ones of Sue Clearwater, almost falling out of her car still wearing scrubs from work, and searching Quil's and my faces for a clue as to what was going on.

"It's her, isn't it? Seth couldn't tell me... but I knew... where is she?!" her voice quaked, and she clasped at her shirt with the hand not carrying a large, leather bag, like her heart was aching so much she had to grasp it.

"The house, Sue," I said, my arm lifting to direct her pointlessly. _Everything_felt pointless and I'd never felt so helpless in my life. She said no more as she made for the door, the urgency in her steps contrasting with the calm, collected person I'd always known her to be.

I heard the sharp intake of breath, and the muffled sob from where we stood, and I was confident in my decision to stay outside. I couldn't watch that - watch the moment when Sue had to face the mortality of her own daughter, when her husband's memory was still so fresh and painful. A snarl, and raised voices followed, and soon the door was being torn open as Paul stormed out, ordered away by Jacob to give Sue room to work.

He paced the grass at the foot of the porch, chest heaving with each laboured breath, each exhale sounding more like a growl than a sigh.

"Paul," I said, and his path never broke. He couldn't hear me, I realised. He'd tuned everything out but Leah's heartbeats and the sound of her laboured breaths.

"_Paul,_" I tried again. He was going to snap if this continued, and who knew what the result would be? "You need to calm down. She's tough... whatever it is, she'll be okay."

A sharp gasp was heard from inside, followed by a string of _no no no no'_s which told me that what I'd just said was soon to be obsolete.

"Is that-_?_" Sue choked. I heard her get up, like she needed to distance herself from what was happening.

"Sue, I don't..."

Jacob didn't have the words either.

There was a slight laugh of disbelief. "No, it's not. It can't be." More steps around the room. "She should be dead already! Right? How am I supposed to-?" The question died, and it was replaced by a single, heartfelt sob. "Oh, sweetheart, what were you doing?"

I couldn't stand it anymore, and found myself marching towards the steps. That couldn't be right...Leah wouldn't... no.

I reached the door, peering through the screen with Quil right behind me. I couldn't deal with being far away anymore - and Paul was barely coping, Since Sue had lost her composure, he had shut down. He'd checked out, because Paul wasn't equipped to deal with something like this unless there was something in front of him to kill.

Sue fell to her knees by the couch, hand shakily moving up to smooth Leah's hair gently back from her face. My heart lurched.

"What do I do, Sweetie?" Her voice lifted then, like she'd redirected her question. Jacob sat at the end of the couch, perched on the arm of another chair, hands clasped before his mouth. Sue turned to him, eyes wild with protective fury. "What do I do? It's not in any of our mighty histories...They don't tell you what to do when your only girl's been attacked by- by- By one of those _things. _"

Jacob regarded her silently, letting her vent what she needed on him. "You're supposed to be protecting her! You're her brothers! How can you let this happen!" She tore open the bag by her knees, pulling out more bottles and bandages than she would need. I could smell the wound from here - iron of blood, the foul tinge of infection... and the stench of venom.

The tension was getting too much, and Quil's hand weaved past me to open the door.

"Is she... was it a bite?" he asked tentatively. Sue didn't reply, instead setting her brow in a determined mask as she got to to work, cleaning the wound. Leah's body jerked at the contact of cloth on the broken skin, but her eyes didn't open, and she made no sound but a dreamlike whimper. I think I would have preferred a scream.

Jacob tore his eyes away at last and looked at Quil.

"I don't think so... but the smell. The venom. If it was a normal wound she would be healed by now.. or at least heal_ing_."

We both stepped in, careful not to infringe on Sue's space as she worked, and then I saw it.  
Angry and red, about six inches across. On Leah's thigh was a gash I'd never seen the like of before. The skin puckered around it., like her body was attempting to heal but each time it had been torn open. The edges were jagged, not exactly like a bite, but a hasty cut with a knife by someone who had no idea - or concern for - what they were doing. The muscle had rotted away until I was pretty sure I was looking at bone, and it seemed to be deepening right before my eyes. I covered my nose and mouth, squeezing my eyes shut against the whoosh of blood to my ears and the fading sounds of the room, but I was sure I'd never forget the smell - or the sight of it - for as long as I lived. Trying not to heave, I noticed it wept and oozed, like an infection - but we didn't get those anymore. Whatever it was, her body was trying to fight it off and failing miserably.

Now that I was closer, I could make out tiny pink scars on her exposed skin, over her shoulders and arms. Yellowing bruises faded as I noticed them, and a swelling in her right arm looked like an injury she'd sustained about a month ago - probably actually last night, if I were to guess. The only thing on this earth that could have done such damage to one of us needed no introduction. Quil was right; Leah had been attacked by a vampire, and lost.

"Fuck."

Quil always had a talent for saying exactly what everyone was thinking.

"Do we have hope of finding a trail?" I asked the room.

Jacob shook his head. "Not if she drove.. she must have been too weak to phase... or couldn't walk."

"We need to find out where she was," I mused.

"Bella doesn't know?" His eyes averted uncomfortably at the mention of her name, and the need to ask me – of all people – something about her that he didn't know. I shook my head.

"I don't think so. They were in contact, but Leah knew Bella wouldn't keep something so important to herself." Jacob let out a soft snort at that, and I ground my teeth together in irritation. It seemed like even with the crisis, he still couldn't keep his feelings to himself. "You know what I mean."

"Sure, sure."

"Guys, _seriously_ not the time," Quil interjected, raising his brows and jerking his head in Sue's direction. She'd began humming softly as she tended to her daughter's injuries, something familiar I couldn't place, but I guessed would have brought Leah comfort if she could hear.

We both nodded guiltily, thoroughly reprimanded that _Quil _was the most considerate person in the room. A thought occurred to me then, and I looked out towards the lone figure of Paul, once again pacing the area in front of Jacob's porch as his figure shimmered with the last vestiges of control.

"Maybe we could search the car? If she was staying in the same place, there could be some clues," I suggested. Jacob's brow furrowed as he watched through the screen door. He nodded.

"Yeah, could be worth a shot. Take Paul – give him some purpose."

"What can I do?" Quil queried, his own nervous energy manifesting in the stuttered jerk of his knee as he leaned on the only other free chair. Jacob pursed his lips, looking around the room at the clock above the fireplace.

"My dad's still off fishing with Charlie. Can you go find him? Tell him Leah's back and she's sick or something? I'd rather not leave the Rez while, uh..." The explanation died off as his eyes fell on Leah once again, and he swallowed thickly.

"Sure, Dude. Sue, do you need anything else?" he asked, directing his attention back to her. Her body stiffened at the mention of her name, but she shook her head. Quil looked back to Jacob. "I'll bring my Grandpa by too... maybe he has some ideas."

"Sure," Jacob said. "Swing by Sam's if you have time... let him and Jare' and the girls know what's happening." He turned to me then, not quite looking at my face. "Em, don't come back until you've found something."

I nodded curtly, satisfied that despite how bad things were between us, he was still listening to reason. I turned for the door, moving to unbutton my pants and seriously not looking forward to being inside Paul's head.

* * *

The car still sat where it had been left, driver's side door laying open out on to the asphalt as it tilted over the ridge at the side of the road, one wheel in the ditch.

"We're looking for anything that could tie her to one place – a receipt, take-out packaging... anything."

His mind had been such a chaos of flashbacks while phased that I wasn't even fully sure he was aware I'd been with him. I saw the moment he set eyes on her, and my own stomach had clenched and heaved at the sharp pain coming through the link. I didn't want to imagine how it actually felt for him, when I I felt like I was being crushed from the inside out - and she wasn't even mine.

He didn't reply, instead going straight to the driver's side and leaning in. I approached from the other side, opening the door and following suit. I watched him for a moment, his jaw clenching as his eyes zeroed in on the large stain of blood on the seat. He ran his fingers over it, shoulders jerking and face darkening at the sight of it.

"Come on, man. We're gonna figure this out."

He let out a growl at my interruption on his thoughts and he straightened up, fastened his hands on the door and pulled. There was a groan of tearing metal as the appendage came straight off the hinges, and he hurled it through the air, straight over my head and it slammed into a tree forcefully, glass shattering on impact.

"Paul! Calm the fuck down!" I yelled, my patience fraying at the near miss of the door hitting my head. "This isn't helping!"

"It's fucking making _me _feel better," he snarled, fist slamming down on the roof of the car and leaving a large dent.

"You gotta keep your focus. If we find out where she's been, maybe it'll give us somewhere to start looking. Save your energy for taking apart the piece of shit who did this."

He glared at me over the top of the car. "Easy for you to say. What if this was Bella, huh? What if she was the one laying on that couch, barely alive?"

My stomach roiled at the thought, and I clenched my eyes shut, shaking my head as the pale, sickly visage of Leah morphed by one I'd become used to seeing smile... at _me. _I could still hardly believe how lucky I was, and for that to be taken away - it was too much. Paul had a point.

"Look, man, I'm not saying you can't be upset, but just... Just try to keep it together, a little bit longer."

He huffed concededly, and leaned back into the car, levering the seat back as I got to work on the glove compartment. I couldn't find anything that looked like it would help; it was just a few insurance documents, a pair of gloves and an ice-scraper, and I slammed it shut. Without warning, Paul leaned across the seat, eyes zeroing in on something I'd missed. On the floor, the strap of Leah's purse peeked out from under the passenger seat. He yanked it free and set it down on the seat closer to him, tearing the zip open. Make-up, a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, her cellphone and her wallet were pulled out, and he pulled open the last item. Inside, a picture of Harry, Sue and Seth before his phase was tucked inside the clear plastic compartment in the same section that housed her ATM card, an ID and various other ticket stubs and receipts that meant nothing to me. Most of them were dated from months back, keepsakes that were important only to her. He pulled out a small, folded up piece of paper, face crumpling in recognition. When he opened it, his hand reached up to scrub at his mouth. The handwriting on it was his own.

_Meet me on the beach at midnight._

_-P_

Paul sighed in frustration, shaking his head roughly as he crumpled the note in his hand.

"Fucking _nothing._"

I pressed my lips together not acknowledging what he'd found and studied the now empty purse and the rest of the items. The corner of something tucked in the inside pocket caught my eye, and I pointed. "What's that?"

Paul followed the direction of my finger and pulled out a small, card envelope with the words _Seattle Pacific Hotel _adorning the front – a room key. He looked up at me, the slightest traces of hope in his expression.

"This is where she was staying." He opened the envelope and the credit-card-sized key fell out. "Room 126."

"Seattle?_"_

He nodded. "Guess it figures – far enough away so she could be alone, not so far that she couldn't come back if she needed to." He clenched his jaw tightly. "I _knew _she wasn't leaving for good."

I nodded. "This is good, Paul. Maybe if we get this info back to the others, we can figure out our next step."

"Why wait? I could run there in two hours and-"

"_No. _What would she say if she knew you were going off after this thing alone, ready to die? Leah's not useless.. if this thing took a chunk out of her it must have been serious shit. Or_ several _serious shits. We go back to Jake's and figure this out as a pack._"_

He debated my plea for a full minute before nodding gruffly. "Fine. But when the time comes, this bitch is _mine._"

* * *

The mood was still sombre as we walked in Jake's door. Like a wave of comfort, I took in Bella's scent, and my eyes immediately found hers, wide and tear-filled and kneeling by Leah, clasping her hand.

"I couldn't keep her away," Quil said apologetically by way of explanation. I gave him a weak smile as I passed him, Paul finally finding the strength to be inside without tearing the place apart. He stood stoically above the girls, watching the rise and fall of Leah's chest as he counted each heartbeat. I knew better than to approach. Bella rose to her feet to allow him access, watching him warily for a second before she threw her arms around his waist, letting out a deep sob into his chest.

"I'm so sorry, Paul... I should have tried harder to convince her... to find out where she was," she sniffled, as he barely acknowledged her presence. After a beat, he looked down at her, pushing her shoulders back gently.

"Don't beat yourself up, Princess. I know how she gets." The words were detached, like he was barely conscious of speaking them, but there was fondness in there. Paul really cared about Bella, and the thought surprised me. I guess she found her way into all of our lives.

She nodded in reply, hugging her arms to her own waist as she stepped away. I tried not to worry too much when she didn't come towards me.

"Did you find anything?" Jacob interrupted, looking between Paul and me. Paul sank to his knees and laid a gentle kiss on Leah's forehead, smoothing back her hair. Sue sat at the kitchen table with Billy, as his hand rested on her arm and he whispered comforting words. At Jacob's question, all heads turned towards me, knowing Paul was no longer focused on anyone else in the room, and I nodded.

"We think she was in Seattle. I'm guessing that's where she had the run-in with the vamp. Maybe more than one, if I'm to guess – she's tough, either it was a super-leech, or a whole group of them."

Bella's face visibly paled, and I watched her for a beat before Jacob probed further. "Alright, that's a start. We can send a party out that way to scope the place out, see if we can find any leads."

"No!" Bella screeched, and suddenly I wasn't the only one looking at her. She shook her head, eyes wide as she looked back at Jacob. "You can't go there... if this-" she gulped thickly, "I think I know what's happening... and if you go, you're going to walk into a slaughter!"

His head jerked back in confusion. "What are you talking about?" he asked, looking around the rest of us for help, but all I could do was watch Bella.

"I've seen this before... Seattle, vampires, _newborns... _It's Victoria. She's building an army."

"How the hell do you figure that?" he said, his brow cocking with a baffled stare.

"Because...'cause I've lived it."

And with that, Bella told them everything. About her powers, about how she ended up here, about the newborns, seeing the alternate ways it could have ended – Charlie's death, a glimpse of Jacob's, the dreams...all of it.

My breath stilled as she spoke, and each person in the room listened to her with rapt attention. Though I'd heard it before, my blood still chilled as she described seeing her own father's body, cold and lifeless on the ground and the decision that she made to change everything forever. Silence descended on the room, no-one daring to speak for a long moment as the avalanche of information settled. I felt another swell of pride that my girl – my _Bella _had done something so extraordinary, when everyone thought of her as normal and human and just 'good with weird'. Jacob's eyes rested unseeingly on the floor, and Bella's chest heaved in the silence, barely daring to say more as she waited for a reaction.

Finally, Jacob spoke. "You expect us to just believe that?"

Bella shook her head, eyes closing with the hope that she'd somehow sound convincing. "It's the truth... I'm just asking... _begging..._you to consider it. I'm not crazy, and I'm not making this up. Edward could read minds. Alice could see the future. Jasper could sense emotions – is it so crazy to consider that I can revisit my own memories?"

"From a vampire bite..." he said disbelievingly.

Bella's eyes focused on him again, and she rolled up her sleeve, turning her wrist in his direction. The scar seemed to shimmer in the low light, and the sight of it still unsettled me to my core. I knew that body so well, now, and I'd worshipped every part of it – but the thought that she'd come so close to not being here – so close that the evidence was still seared onto her skin – made my wolf's hackles rise. Increasingly, a world without Bella was too horrible for either of us to bear thinking about.

"I almost_ died_. But I didn't. How many survivors of a vampire bite do you know?"

His lips pressed together in a thin line and he looked away, reluctant to admit that she had a point.

"Just _please, _think I want to sound like a wack-job right now? I'm just terrified. Terrified that if any of you go to Seattle, you're not gonna come back."

Jacob's jaw clenched, and he began to revisit the facts. "So, let me get this straight... your _leech _came back for you. You welcomed him back with open arms, and the red-head built an army because she was so freaked by your precious Cullens... and we just _allied _with them?"

She pressed her lips together defiantly, and stared him down. "You did it for me."

"I really must have been love-sick," he spat. Anger bubbled up in my chest and I stepped forward, glaring at him. Bella took a step back in shock, and I heard the sharp gasp as she saw the anger written on my face.

"It's _true_, you immature fuck! She told me all of this before, every single detail; whole _weeks_ ago because the effects of knowing two lives were tearing her apart. Pretty elaborate lie to make up for no reason, huh? Stop trying to smear her character because you're butthurt about her choices."

Jacob scowled back at me. "I'm not saying she did it to fuck with us, but I mean... come on. It's batshit insane. Who the fuck would actually believe this?"

"More insane than guys who change into werewolves?" Quil said, his face puckered in concentration. Jacob turned to him with a sneer.

"You're buying this?"

He shrugged. "I'm just saying, if someone had told you a year ago that the legends were true, you'd have said the exact same thing."

"This is _not the same,_" Jacob ground out. Quil shrank back slightly, playing off the reprimand with a shrug.

"Hey, I'm just trying to stay neutral here."

Jacob sat back and rolled his eyes. "God _damn._"

Then, another voice broke into the conversation.

"That's how you knew.." Paul murmured. He was sitting on the couch now, Leah's head resting on a cushion on his lap while he stroked her hair. He was watching Bella with a new-found realisation in his eyes. "It wasn't a dream.. you literally _saw_ it."

Jacob frowned at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Bella saw Paul imprint on somebody in the other life... and she warned him," I supplied.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Of course she did... and tell me, did it happen?"

Bella's eyes fell to the floor. "No... but neither did Quil's."

Quil's eyebrows shot to his hairline. "My... _what?!_"

Bella turned to him, awkwardly offering him a soft smile. "You'd imprinted before I went back.. when I got here, it just... hadn't happened?"

The smile he gave her in return was rueful, and he puffed out his chest.

"You can't tie all _this-_" he said, gesturing to himself, "- down to one lucky lady. Even if she's hot. I bet she was crazy-hot, right?"

"Oh yeah, the hottest girl in her kindergarten class...when she wore her jacket indoors, that is," I snickered, and he frowned at me. I cleared my throat against the shake of laughter in my shoulders. "Little Claire Young? She was your imprint."

His face clenched in alarm and he looked at Bella who was actually fighting off a laugh. She pressed a hand to her chest and tried to be serious. "It was sweet – you were like her big brother, always playing with her and reading her stories.."

"Jesus Christ," Jacob groaned, massaging his temple. "This is fucking ridiculous, am I the only one who sees that this is ridiculous? I mean, a wolf imprinting on a _kid?_"

"It's not so crazy, son," Billy interjected, and Jacob gave him a look of betrayal. "Many of the old chiefs married women much younger than themselves... if little Claire was Quil's soulmate, then she'd have a life-long protector until the time came when she was ready to see him as something more._"_

"Not you too, Dad,_" _he sighed, and Billy gave an innocent shake of his head.

"I'm just tellin' the truth, kid. And that," he said, gesturing to Bella, "doesn't look like a young girl who's spinning a tale. She gets it from her old man. Swans aren't liars."

Bella's face softened at her dad's friend, and he offered her a short nod. It was overwhelming to see them take a leap of faith on what Bella had to say – sure, I'd believed her... but I'd seen what it all had been doing to her, and I knew deep down that if Bella was crazy, we all were.

Quil was still slowly turning positively green. _"This_ is fucked up._"_

Bella nodded, attention drawn back to him. "It was weird, but you were completely taken with her, Quil. It was innocent and sweet... and you always said that if she never saw you as more than that, then you were fine with it. It was her choice."

He shook his head, nose wrinkling. "That still doesn't stop it being weird."

"So how come these imprints didn't happen, huh?" Jacob asked the room. "If Bella's story's true, then imprints should have carried over. What, do the wolves not need them now?"

Her lips quirked on one side, and she pondered the question, mouth opening and closing while she debated how best to try to explain it.

"We have a theory about that," I cut in, giving her a look of encouragement which she barely acknowledged. Instead, her thumb disappeared between her teeth and she chewed on the nail, her eyes darting around the room to gauge everyone's reactions. I snapped out of watching her, and frowned to the floor, trying to chose the words carefully, and not get distracted by the distance I felt widening between us. Something was wrong.

"In the other reality, _you _hadn't imprinted... and you weren't alpha. If the theory about imprints making more stable, better wolves is right, then we didn't need it here – because Mel gave you stability, and you stepped up to take charge." I chewed on my lip as I mulled the idea over. Then, I looked up tentatively, wondering if this was making any sense outside my head.

"A more stable alpha means a more stable pack... so Paul doesn't need someone to reign in his temper because he can do it himself. And Mr. ADHD over here-" I jerked my thumb at Quil, " -doesn't need the added maturity that taking care of a child and thinking of someone else constantly would give him."

"Hey..." Quil whined.

"Sorry, dude."

"I haven't taken my Adderall in months," he grumbled defensively.

"Exactly."

Jacob shook his head. "Still not buying it." Bella stepped towards him and held out her hands pleadingly.

"Then don't. Just _please, _don't send anyone to Seattle... if this is Victoria, she's headed right back here anyway. Take the home advantage. Fight her on your turf... just don't send anyone off to die."

"The Cullens aren't even _here,_" he replied, throwing an arm out towards the exterior to illustrate. "What makes you think it's all going exactly like 'last time'?"

"It _isn't. _Before... this all happened months ago. Maybe Victoria underestimated you. Maybe she's just now getting desperate, I don't know. Maybe she thought she could get to me much easier than this. Maybe..." Something seemed to occur to her then, and she reached into her pocket, retrieving her phone. She scrolled through the contacts, a determined look on her face.

We exchanged clueless looks as the the tone rang out before Charlie's voice answered.

"Dad? You're working on some missing person's cases, right?"

"_What's this about, Bells? Leah made it home safe, right?"_

"No... I mean yes...But that's not what I'm calling about. Is there anyone missing from around here?"

His voice on the other end was wary._ "Um... there is, but Bells, it's not an official case right now. The kid's over eighteen, been in contact a few weeks back and made it clear that they don't want to be found. Don't stop their poor mom worryin' though..."_

"It's a guy, right?" she pressed, looking round at the confused faces staring intently.

"_Um, yeah... Bells, do you know something?"_

She shook her head. "No... I'm just... I noticed you've been working on some cases and I thought I'd take an interest." Her bottom lip dipped on one side as she gave us a wide-eyed, awkward shrug. Billy was right – Swans _weren't_ liars.

There was a pause._ "I see. Been spending time at the Clearwaters, huh?" _He let out a sigh, fanning over the mouthpiece. "_Listen Bells, Harry was sicker than he made out to be. I take care of myself. Doc says I'm healthy as a horse. Nothin's gonna happen to me."_

Bella's eyes closed guiltily, and a small smile graced her features. "I know, Dad. I'm taking care of you too, remember?"

"_Damn right. Now I don't want no more of this panic about me bein' old and at death's door. I got a teenage daughter, sure, but I'm not even 50 yet, for chrissake. "_

Bella smiled. "Sure. Complete ladies' man, I remember," she teased, and there was a laugh on the other end of the line. "Thanks for my present, by the way... but do you mind if we postpone tonight? I wanna... uh... celebrate when Leah's a little more up to it. She's not well."

"_Hmm... well, it's your birthday, but if your friend's sick I understand. Will I expect you home tonight at all?"_

"We'll have dinner tomorrow instead, okay? Thanks, Dad." Her eyes flitted around the room while we waited for her to get to the point. "Just one question... the guy's name. Was it Riley?"

"_Bella Marie Swan... I swear, if I find out you know where this kid is and you kept it to yourself, you can kiss hanging out with Leah and that Call kid who's always around these days for no reason goodbye." _She rolled her eyes, tilting her chin to the ceiling, waiting for Charlie's blood pressure to reach normal proportions. _"But yeah... Riley Biers. Ring any bells?"_

Bella's face darkened, and she licked her lips. "Nah, Dad... different Riley. Talk to you later. Love you."

Hanging up the phone, she blew out a breath, and silence descended as we waited for an explanation.

"It's happening."

"What does this Riley kid have to do with anything you just said?" Quil asked, nose wrinkling in what was beginning to become his default expression.

"Riley's from Forks. Before... I mean- the _last time..._he went missing, and Victoria turned him, because she needed someone who knew the area."

"So?" Jacob asked. "The kid's missing, doesn't mean he's a vamp."

"He...is."

All heads jerked around at the sound we hadn't expected to hear. Her voice was a weak rasp, and nothing like the strong, authoritative boom we associated with her.

"Oh my god!" Sue breathed, the first reaction out of any of us.

Paul watched in shock as she sat up slightly, desperately trying to manoeuvre her injured leg while Sue rushed from her place at the table. The pain proved too much, and she gave up, flopping back down on the cushion with a strangled cry.

"Leah... you're awake!" Bella exclaimed, taking a step towards her. Leah's face crinkled.

"Yeah... still... super hearing..."

In reprimand, Bella's hand shot to her mouth, covering it for a second before she pulled it away, whispering 'Sorry' before covering up again.

Leah's eyes shut again, and her body seemed to jerk and shake as she tried to deal with the pain. Sue was once again by her side.

"Shhh... it's okay, sweetheart. I'll get you something for the pain, just relax," she crooned, in that way only moms could.

"I had to... warn," Leah croaked, still struggling through gritted teeth. "Red-head... she's got vamps. Real strong. I couldn't-"

I didn't notice that I'd leaned forward, straining to hear her disjointed story.

"They're coming for," she winced again, her face contorting as her muscles seemed to stiffen involuntarily. "For Bella."

* * *

I followed her outside when she left, desperate for the comfort of holding her after everything we'd seen and learned. I couldn't watch the seizures wracking Leah's body anymore – it had become too much to see someone we were all becoming so close to in that state; deathly ill, not in control of her own body and reduced to tortured cries of pain and the stiffening of muscles.

The little amount she'd been able to tell us, though it helped somewhat, had put us all in a tail-spin. The best we could tell, she'd picked up the red-head's scent and came across a group of three vamps... and that was the tip of the iceberg. They'd got into it, and Leah managed to take one out single-handedly before another skulked off, too young and frightened to deal with an aggravated wolf, Bella had surmised. That had left Riley, who she'd recognised from home, and Leah, one-on-one.

Somehow – the details weren't clear – he'd come close to taking a chunk out of her leg, but she'd managed to escape with a puncture wound. It was already too much, but before the venom had a chance to do its worst, he'd backed off; maybe the potent hormones in her wolf's blood hadn't agreed with his new nature. Leah managed to phase out and drag herself to shelter... and performed emergency surgery. On her_self. _I still felt sick at the thought of her hacking a chunk out of her own leg, but I knew why she did it. It wasn't about staying alive – not completely. She wanted to get back here – to warn us about what was happening – and I'd be forever in her debt that she'd been through so much and was still trying to protect Bella.

"Bella, wait up!" I called, but her steps barely faltered. Her hood was raised over her head, hands buried in pockets as she strode determinedly up the road. "Where are you going?"

I broke into a jog to catch up with her, my head dipping to get a glimpse of her face. I could scent her tears before I saw them.

"I'm going back to Emily's. Need to help out," she said detachedly. I put my arm out to curl around her shoulders, but she shrugged it off. It stung.

"Bella-"

"Leave me alone, Embry. _Please._"

My steps froze at that, and I watched her for a moment, my brow puckering slightly. I'd be lying if I said her pulling away didn't hurt – because it did. I'd thought we were past this; past her shutting down and blocking me out like I couldn't help or didn't matter.

I caught up again, this time not falling into step beside her, but trailing behind. She glanced over her shoulder, closing her eyes and shook her head.

"You shouldn't be alone right now. I'm walking with you, at least to Emily's. Not taking chances."

I heard a sigh at that, and the slight sniffle of her nose told me she was still crying. I couldn't take it, and rounded in front of her, halting her steps.

"Not even gonna look at me?" I teased in an attempt to break the tension, prompting her to lift her gaze, but I may as well have been transparent. I sighed. "Bella, what happened to Lee... it's what we _do. _And she made it home – that's better than any of us could have hoped."

She swallowed thickly and averted her eyes to the ground once more. After a moment, she started walking again, moving past me, but I couldn't let this go on. I clutched her arm and she stopped, whirling around to face me.

"You need to _go, _Embry. Your pack needs you – they need all the help they can get and you're stuck looking after me? It's ridiculous!"

"Making sure you're safe isn't _ridiculous,_" I snapped back, shaken by the difference in her, contrasted to the girl who had spent the morning wrapped in my arms and ready to take on anyone who stood in our way. "I'm not going to relax until the red-head and her band of freaks are fucking _dust. _But I can't do that, because we're waiting for _them _to make a move. _You _did that - you saved all of us from walking into an ambush. So for now, I'm staying with you and I'm gonna protect you because it's my _job_."

Her eyes flashed, and she threw a hand out in the direction of Jacob's house. "And that's what you get in return? Almost _dying? Because of me?_" She shook her head, her tears falling freely now. "I should have known... I was so wrapped up in everything happening to me that I missed the clues all along. My dad's been working on that case for _weeks, _and I never bothered to even check the name on his reports.." she sobbed. "I could have prevented all of this, and I didn't, because once again, I'm thinking just of me, and _my _crap."

"Bella, you couldn't have known-"

She let out a bitter laugh. "Really? Because I was given enough chances. He's right – I'm_ not _worth this. The sooner you figure it out, the better."

My head jerked back. "Who's right?" Then I realised. "Jacob? Did he tell you that? Bella-"

"He knew it all along – months ago. That's why I'm not your-" she pressed her lips together, swallowing the last word. I couldn't believe we were back to this.

"Bella, he's pissed. It's what he does. He lashes out and says whatever he can to hurt you. You _know _this."

"It doesn't make him wrong," she said, her voice coming out a croak. She squeezed her eyes shut and started to walk again. "I can't do this right now, Em. I'm _tired. _Just... just let me go, please?"

"No," I ground out. "Not until you see sense. You can't even look me in the eye anymore because you know that none of this is true."

"I _am _seeing sense... don't you get that?" she choked, shaking her head and still looking anywhere but at me. "We've been kidding ourselves – this whole time I've been thinking I belonged in this world, that somehow, I got to be with you and there weren't consequences. But there are. I'm not right for you, Em. I'm never gonna be."

"You can't believe that. Tell me you're not letting him inside your head like this," I pleaded, finding my composure crumbling. "I _know_ who you are, and I chose you... don't tell me that everything we've been through hasn't proven that to you. Don't tell me to leave because you're scared. Guess what, Bella. It's fucking terrifying, how much I need you. But I do, and I'm not going to turn away because you don't think you're good enough. I _know _you are."

Her head dipped dejectedly, and a final sob choked free.

"Then you're a bigger fool than I am," she said, walking away.

* * *

**A/N: Oh dear...**

**Thanks so much for the huge response to the last chapter. Every single review was a pleasure to read, and I loved hearing all the hate, new-found fondness, or unsure respect for Melanie. It's my job as a writer to make you draw your own conclusions and I'm glad that you did just that. It made all the emotional trauma worth it ;)**

**This one was a monster, because there's a lot of drama and action going on and I'm kind of out of practice writing that way! I was going to split it in half, because there's quite a bit more to come, (let's just say that conversation between Embry and Jake is _not _over) but I thought this was a good place to end it.**

**I hope it turned out alright, and let me know what you think!**


	34. How To Burn

****_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended_

**Suggested Listening: Seventy Times Seven by Brand New, Further Away by Ben Howard, Sensible Heart by City and Colour, How Dangerous by the Smoking Popes, End All by The Narrative, The Fire by Ben Howard, A Song For You by Amy Winehouse**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Four: How To Burn**

_For twelve years I've held it all together but a night like this is begging to pull me apart._

_I played it quiet, left you deep in conversation._

_I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen._

_I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would,_

_And now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could._

_Everyone's caught on to everything you do._

It's kind of hard to have a confrontation, in the middle of a crisis, when you're supposed to be on the same side.

I watched Bella go that night, and in that moment, I hated Jacob. Part of me wanted to slip into denial that he'd really stooped this low, that one of the few people on this earth who knew my deepest secrets and pretty much everything that had happened to me since I was four years old wasn't turning out to be a poor excuse for a friend and a pathetic excuse for an Alpha. No matter what way I twisted it, though, the facts told me that pretending he was still _Just Jake _wasn't going to do anybody any good, and it wasn't going to stop Bella from telling me she was less than I deserved.

I stalked back to his house to find him, hell bent on ripping his throat out - only to be stopped short at the image of him sitting by Leah, talking to her unconscious form and reminding me that there were things here bigger than us, bigger than him and me and me losing the only girl I'd ever felt this way about because _he_ had pushed her away. I walked past him and into his kitchen, splashed cold water on my face and neck, and I just sat there . I sat there and I_ hated _him. I hated my best friend for the first time in my whole life because even though - despite losing his mom - everything came easy to him, and he was born with the closest thing to privilege here on the Rez, he had never once made me resent him for it. Until now.

The day he imprinted on Melanie, he lost all rights to Bella, in my eyes. He didn't get a say in who she dated or what she did with her life. Silent judgement, sure - when you're friends with someone, and you care about them, you're going to take an interest in the decisions they make, because you're looking out for them. If you don't agree with that decision, you can let them know, but ultimately, it's their choice. Jake clearly didn't approve of Bella being with me, and had used the easiest means necessary to drive a wedge between us - Bella's self worth. He knew better than anyone how fragile it was, and he used his status as former best friend and ex-boyfriend to get inside her head and plant that seed that grew, like a fucking weed, and culminated in Bella walking away from me in tears. Worse than using that, somewhere along the way, he thought his inherited leadership meant that he could do these things and we were all just eventually going to wag our tails and accept it, because his word is law and we'd see the sense of his actions in the end...But he was wrong.

I had other suspicions - suspicions that told me that this wasn't just about keeping order and stopping people from getting hurt. It was like an unwritten rule that we didn't probe too far into each others' heads - it was why keeping secrets had become somewhat easier since Sam had been Alpha; Jacob led by example, and he valued ours and his own privacy since the first time he slept with Melanie and ended up with a headache trying to keep the details to himself. I knew how strongly he still felt for Bella from the wave of protective instinct rolling off him any time she came up when phased, but the reaction, and how he'd acted that day after he found out was a shock - even to me. I couldn't put all of this down to fear, or a sense of betrayal.

I knew him as well as I knew myself, and I knew when he was jealous.

Whether he'd ever actually admit it, though, was a different matter, and by the look in Bella's eyes that day - that look of complete defeat - I knew that he'd said some things I'd find it hard to forgive. It was one thing taking his anger out on me, but to mess with Bella's head, just because he'd regressed into the immature, possessive child I thought he'd grown out of? That was not okay.

I took as many patrols as I could. I needed to blow off steam because - if Bella was right - we were about to go to war, and it wasn't going to help if Jake and I were at each other's throats. The others stayed out of it as much as they were able. I knew Quil felt guilty for keeping secrets from Jake, and that he was sympathetic that it had all blown up in my face, but if I was looking for an ally, he wasn't interested. Jared, Brady and Collin kept their heads on duty, really stepping up to following orders and picking up the slack because Paul and Seth were too messed up with worry about Leah to do anything but show up to meetings and sit in distracted silence. I didn't even know how Seth was reacting to the whole Leah-Paul situation. I guess he'd deal with anything as long as she pulled through.

As for if that would actually happen? We didn't know. The venom had acted like an acid on her flesh, seeping past the area she'd originally removed as she drove home and causing nerve damage that couldn't be reversed, as far as we knew. When her foot stopped working, Leah had careened off the road where Paul had found her. Though it seemed like her body was at least _trying _to heal, we couldn't tell if it would be enough. All she did was sleep these days.

Bella, well, she needed her space. I knew that without asking, and if I said it didn't kill me to sit outside her house each fucking night and just listen to the sounds of her moving around inside, see the dark circles around her eyes when she came to see Leah and watch her confidence wither away without doing anything about it... I'd be lying. It was torture, but I knew that I needed the facts before I could make a case for 'us'. There was something in her expression when she heard my voice, or when my name was mentioned - when she wasn't aware I could see her - that gave me hope. It wasn't over between us yet, and there was a part of her that didn't want that in the first place. Maybe it was my job to protect Bella, but she was trying to do the same for me by letting me go and find someone she thought I deserved, and letting me focus on being part of the Pack.

It made me want her more, knowing what she was up to, but because of that - her selflessness - her plan was negated. It made me more determined to fix things, if anything, because I knew that girls like her didn't come along very often, and a girl like Bella was a once-in-a-lifetime shot. I had to know what had happened between her and Jacob before I could make her believe that everything he said was bullshit.

I was biding my time - because Jacob and I were in a crisis, on the same side... and he was still my best friend. I wasn't so sure that after I found out all the details of that day I'd still want to think of him that way, and honestly? That scared me. I didn't want to lose him either.

I gave up waiting about six nights after it had all gone to shit. After spending most of the day watching Paul take care of Leah - when she wasn't even conscious enough to know he was there - I'd caught myself actually wishing I could care for Bella that way, and that I could be around her without protest from anyone. It was a fucking joke - the fact that Leah was near death and Paul was simply trying to keep her going made me loathe how desperate I'd become. Their situation wasn't one to envy; I'd rather never speak a word to Bella again than see her like that. Obviously, I was losing it. After a good hour sat on my living-room couch, staring at the phone in my hands, with her number displayed on the screen and wishing like hell I could call her and hear her voice and make everything okay, my fingers itched. She wouldn't pick up, though. I knew without trying.

It was too much, and I couldn't put it off any longer. Before I could talk myself out of it, I was out the door, securing cut-offs to my leg and on four paws before I actually hit the tree line. The anxiety already felt better. As a wolf, all the human crap kind of faded into a dull hum in the back of my mind. I lost myself in the sensations of the forest, the cool of the night air and the quiet of the Rez. I registered three already patrolling: Jared, Quil - and Jake. It was the first time we were phased together since it had happened - we'd made an unspoken point to avoid it because being inside the head of the one person you wanted to tear in two probably wasn't the best decision. I was so fucking past being rational, though. I didn't know how any of this was going to turn out, but I knew if I went to battle without Bella and I being okay, it was going to cost us.

I reached out to him through the link, past the thoughts of the other two feigning nonchalance.

_I need to talk to you. Alone._

Quil and Jared stilled instantly, alternating between wanting to get as far away from this as possible, and worrying if we were left alone that there'd be one more wolf needing a bed-side vigil. Of course, it'd be me. I wasn't so arrogant that I thought anger would be all I needed to match him in a fight. He was already about a third bigger than me as a wolf, had authority on his side, and was about as pissed off as I was. Jacob let it stew for a minute before he responded.

_I don't have anything to say to you._

I scoffed internally. When had Jacob ever _not _had something to say?

_I'm not so sure about that. _

_Well, I don't have anything to say that you'll wanna hear. Go home._

I bristled - he was already ordering me around, and I couldn't stand for it. I sucked in a calming breath, knowing that I wouldn't get what I wanted by losing it.

_Gonna order me?_

_No. Just hoping there's at least some sense left in your head._

He sounded... exhausted. _Good. _I hoped he was kept awake at night, just like I was. I hoped he felt like shit for what he did, and how he treated her. I hoped that, now he'd had some time to reflect, he'd realise that Bella wasn't his anymore, and trying to keep her that way was just going to push us all away. Seemingly, my internal thoughts triggered something - I was getting close to the truth, and he didn't want the others knowing it.

_Guys, phase out._

Jared and Quil were on the same page. _Not so sure that's a good idea, Chief._

_Me either. I don't wanna have to play interference between you guys again, but if it comes to it, I will._

Jake sighed mentally. _I'm not gonna fight him. Do we need a referee?_

_Nope. Said I wanted to talk. So we'll talk, as long as he's reasonable._

Quil's trepidation rose slightly at the acid in my thoughts. _Yeah, see that's what I'm afraid of. When it comes to Bella Swan, you two aren't known for your rationality._

_I said GO._

There was a shudder through the link as we were two minds short. I broke into a run to deal with the nervous tension manifesting in my paws. Now it was just me and him, I wasn't so brave anymore. There's a difference between thinking about a confrontation and actually doing it.

_So you're gonna confront me?_

_That was the plan._

_I'm not fighting you Embry. Though something tells me a thump over the head might actually do you some good. _

I scoffed bitterly. _Whatever. Someone has to call you out on how you acted._

_Someone already did._

A flash in his mind of Melanie, tear-stained and angry, filled the link between us.

"_You're lying to yourself, Jake. I know what you're feeling, and it's fine... but you're turning into someone I don't know anymore..."_

She looked sympathetic, frustrated and disappointed all at once. The way she regarded him made his stomach churn. He still loved her so damn much, and letting her down was clawing him apart. I could understand that, I _never _wanted to see Bella look at me that way.

"_You love them both - and I know you're worried, but this is not how you deal with this. You're letting your own feelings get in the way of being a leader, and I'm telling you this because no-one else can..._"

_Didn't know Mel had my back._

_She wasn't doing it for you. She's just scared._

_Should she be? Cause the guy I saw the other day wasn't the one she moved here for._

_Oh, and you know me so well, right?_

_I thought I did._

_Yeah, could say the same about you._

I dug my paws further into the earth, setting my trajectory on him and frustrated that, after everything, he was still pinning this on me. Like I stole Bella from him when he gave her away without a second thought.

_You know that's not how it was. And it's not about that, it's about you, lying and keeping secrets from me when I need you to be someone I can trust._

_You __**can**_**. **_That's what you don't seem to get - this wasn't about you, or Mel, or anyone. It was about me and Bella. That's it._

_So this is the part where you tell me that you and Bella are deeply in love and I can't do anything to break it._

I felt a flash of anger, because Bella hadn't looked me in the eyes in six fucking days, and it was all because of him. He snorted.

_Thought so._

_You got inside her head, with your petty fucking mind games. I don't know what exactly you said to her, but it stuck, and I'm not gonna just sit back and let you ruin the best thing that ever happened to me._

_You still don't get it, do you? I'm __**trying **__to help you. Make you see what a colossal mistake this is going to end up._

_Oh, how big of you. You couldn't have just come out and said it? I know you didn't just leave it there._

A memory came to him then, of him standing over her, in the garage, asking her disgusting questions, and my vision turned red. I passed the last of the trees between us and hurled my body into his, all the while the memories came at me full force.

_"You settled for second best - because what's the next best thing to me?"_

I dug my claws into his flank, red fur flying as I relentessly tore at his flesh. He was on his side beneath me, twisting around just enough to regain power.

_"Tell me, Bells. When you're kissing him, do you find yourself leaning up a little more, because his height isn't the same as what you're imagining in your head?"_

A growl roared from his throat, and my body flew backward, slamming into a tree. I felt a rib crack - not enough to slow me down, not when the visions were still coming.

_I'm not gonna fight you._

I pulled back onto my paws, feeling the rib set back in place. The adrenaline dulled the pain, and I could already feel the first tingle of healing begin to surround the area as the hormones in my blood sped up the process. Jacob was facing me, crouched with his muzzle low, teeth bared in a menacing snarl. I wasn't afraid of him. All I felt was rage.

_You can't help yourself, can you? You can't stand to see her happy. Don't play savior here, Jake. It wasn't me you were thinking of._

_"What happens if he imprints? If you're so strong, so sure about being with him, what then?"_

We circled each other in the clearing, neither willing to tear vision away from the other.

_You piece of shit._

He let a tell-tale slip of satisfaction through the link, and I knew that this wasn't a mission of kindness like he was trying to make it out to be. He'd enjoyed it - enjoyed getting to her and seeing that he still had some meaning in her life.

_Whatever you wanna think, Dude._

He wasn't even trying to conceal his thoughts now, instead hurling more and more of that day at me, each flash feeling like a red-hot knife in my gut. I lunged again, tearing into him with my teeth with all the power I had in me. He broke free, but the satisfaction I felt at seeing him favour his other three paws was unparallelled.

I took my chance and swiped at his face, but he ducked to the side at the last second, leaving a trail of crimson matting his fur on the left side of his neck.

_Pretty tough when you're mad, huh?_

_Just because you're my Alpha, doesn't mean I have to respect you, and it doesn't fucking mean I have to bend to your will. I know what this is about. You're jealous._

He came at me then, overpowering me beneath his paws, but didn't strike. His eyes bore down on me, and I knew in that moment, though his mind was a blank of anger, that I had him. He was so caught up in his rage that I got the upper-hand, throwing him back off me and radiating triumph. He shook his head to clear the haze and focused on me again, stalking forward.

_Me? Jealous of you? Get a fucking grip. I pity you._

I went for him, clamping my teeth on his shoulder and feeling the fulfilling rip of flesh between my jaws. He shook me free with one powerful swipe, and I felt the ooze through my broken skin where he'd connected. I didn't give a shit when I tasted the iron of his blood on my tongue.

The last of his memories came.

_"Didn't you consider him in all of this? Huh? Your little schemes are gonna end up hurting someone, and it's not fair to lead him on. He's my best friend. I just can't believe you're so cold that you'd use him to get back at me."_

A sound I didn't think I was even capable of making came out of my throat. I was so angry my entire body shook.

_You don't know shit!_

_You sure about that, Em?_

_"Do you love him?"_

_"That's none of your business."_

I pounced again, a mass of paws and fur and teeth as trees cracked in our wake.

_You can't fuck with me, Jacob. I know what's inside you - you're not fooling anyone._

_"Because, though you seem hell-bent on being with him by any means necessary, you know the truth - it's not going to work out for you. If you were really meant to be, fate would have already decided that. You'd be his imprint... but even the spirits know that you're not right for him. You weren't enough for me - for any of us. It's just a matter of time before he figures it out too."_

The image of Bella's composure collapsing stabbed at me, and I reared up on my back paws where he rose to meet me. My anger was a crutch, and though he was still not on the attack, the rage in his mind told me that this wasn't as easy for him as he wanted me to think.

I tore at his flesh, knowing that by morning none of this damage would matter - but I needed this. I needed to feel like I was making him pay for what he did; for making Bella doubt me - doubt us - and making her look at me like there was no hope.

He got free, and phased back, no trace of a smile on his features. wiping at his mouth with the back of one hand, chest heaving with exertion and torso coated with a sheen of blood and dirt. I phased back then, coming up to my full height and spitting a mouthful of blood at his feet,

I punched him square in the jaw, and that single action mollified me more than any of the damage I did as a wolf.

"You're pathetic, Jake," I sneered. "You pity me? I pity _you. _You're believing your own bullshit."

He caught his breath and huffed out a bitter laugh. "Whatever lets you sleep at night, man. You know that what I said was right... she's not yours. She never was and she's never gonna be."

He sounded pained, like the words weren't quite about me anymore - I knew they never would be.I lifted my chin. "That's where you're wrong. Everything she went through? It brought her to _me. _Two whole realities, Jake, and she still didn't end up with you."

His face darkened. "You seriously believe that? You believe that you're good enough for her? That, after all those years of feeling like a fucking reject and feeling like an outsider in your own home, that _you _get to be with her, and nothing's gonna take her away?"

"I _know _it."

"You're a fucking fool. You don't even see what's going to happen - you're going to hurt her, leave her in the dust and there's gonna be nobody there to pick up the pieces. You're so damn _blinded _by getting what you want that you're letting her walk into this when you _know _how it's going to end."

I shook my head, a bitter smile pulling at my lips. "That's where you're wrong - you think we're alike, Jake? We're not. The difference between you and me is I'm not stupid enough to let her go." I raised my eyebrows, regarding him with a look of disgust. "You don't believe that imprinting has stopped? Fine. I don't really give a fuck. Just don't assume that if it ever happened to me, I wouldn't fight it. Don't assume that I won't succeed where you failed."

His jaw set, then, and he looked away, all out of snappy retorts and bravado as I tore away the layers and left him raw before me, standing in that forest as just a scared, hurt guy who hated how things had turned out. This is that it was all about - his guilt over what he did, his regret over not trying harder, and his jealousy that I was getting the chance he let slip through his fingers.

He wouldn't admit it - but he was my best friend - I knew him as well as I knew myself.

I turned from him then, cradling my side as the pain radiated in waves. My skin was just beginning to heal, but my mind was stronger than ever. I walked away from him, away from my resentment and I just carried my pity with me. I was armed with the facts, and it all became clear what it was I needed to do.

Bella and I deserved each other, no matter what he said, and all I had to do now was make her see.

* * *

**Bella POV**

I buried my hands in the dishwater and I felt sick. Each day where I had to wake up and remind myself - play the reasons Jacob had given me to let Embry go over in my head - took something from me I wasn't sure I would get back. I was crumbling from the inside out with nothing but my resolve to convince me that I was doing the right thing. Melanie's words had given me pause, started to give me a new perspective on why Jacob had said the things he did, but seeing Leah like that, broken and dying because of _me _had brought it all screaming back. He deserved better. He needed to move on..

I visited her whenever I could, forced to watch as Paul kept a constant vigil. Each day, Embry was there - silent, never pressuring, but I could see the hope in his eyes each time we were in the same room and he silently willed me to change my mind. I wished more than anything that I could, but one look at my best friend told me I was right. Until today.

In a rare moment of lucidity, Leah had woken up, searching the interior of her bedroom for the presence who had only left when Sue had kicked him out to go home and shower. It was just us.

"He's gone home for a while - he'll be back soon."

She nodded slightly, eyes closing for a beat before focusing on me again. "He shouldn't be here."

I gave a sigh. "You can't ask him to do that, Lee. He loves you and he's not going to be alright until you are."

I hoped that now she would see what leaving had done - that all it had proven was that she and Paul were meant to be together, and he wasn't going to be just pushed away.

"Not sure that's gonna happen," she croaked. I hushed her, tears forming in my eyes because she sounded so dejected, like she was giving up. I couldn't handle that.

"Don't you dare say that, Clearwater," I ordered, training my voice into one of command. "You're gonna pull through this, and they're gonna take out Victoria, and you're gonna get to tell Paul that you're sorry for putting him through all of this."

A ghost of a smile graced her lips and she stared back at me, her eyes strangely focused. "Gonna do the same for Em?"

I pressed my mouth shut at that, taken aback that she was aware what was happening between us when she'd barely been _here _over the last few days.

She began to explain, encouraged by my lack of response. "He's been looking at you like you're something he can't have - like before. Fucking puppy," she scoffed, accompanied by a hoarse laugh. "What'd you do?"

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. Stop worrying about us and concentrate on getting better. You've done enough. Take a damn break."

She winced slightly as another wave of pain came over her, and I covered her hand, pressing the button on her IV for another shot to ease her suffering. Her breathing evened out and she swallowed, licking her lips. Picking up the glass of water by her bed, I held it to her, easing the thirst that the horse-sized dose brought on.

"Dont..." she breathed, finding her focus again. "Don't be a martyr, Bella. You're wasting time. We aren't immortal."

The fact that the words were coming from someone who had come so near death chilled me, stealing my voice from my throat.

"Look at me - I was so fucked up that I threw away what I could've had. Don't do that."

My tears were back, and I looked out the window, wanting so badly to take her advice, but still the gnawing worry that the moment I accepted Embry for my own would be the one that sealed our fate. "I don't know if I'm strong enough for that, Lee."

I couldn't fathom how she, so small and weak on her bed managed to look at me with sympathy - but she did. "You're so wrong. Told ya I wished I could be like you - that I could just let go and let it happen. I meant it."

I'd thought that conversation was pitying me, but I realised now, that Leah was speaking from the heart - that she really wished that she could quiet her overactive mind and give in to happiness. I was stunned.

"Paul..." she paused, breath fanning over his name, "I make him weak, take the fight out of him. He's not the same as he was-"

"But that's a _good _thing," I cut in, knowing that once again she was beginning to back-pedal. She shook her head.

"He's our best fighter, and he's here playing nurse. Nobody should do that to him. But Em... you made him stronger. He's better now, 'cause he's got you. Or did."

"I don't know that you're right about that."

Her eyes flashed once more. "Haven't you learned? I'm always right. Stop over-thinking, Swan." Her lids began to grow heavy as the painkillers set in. "Stop denying yourself what you want, before it's too late."

And then she fell asleep.

A thudding knock at the back door broke my reverie. It wasn't Charlie – night shift ensured he'd be out for the next few hours, and he had a key. No, the insistence of the hammering, and the corresponding thud in my chest told me who it was. I'd spent the evening going through the motions, thinking over Leah's words and wondering if I could take the chance and follow her advice. My heart was desperate to give in. My head was a different matter.

I threw the dish rag into the sink and padded over, still barefoot, but less than graceful.

There was a hush over the moonlit landscape of my back yard. Even the ever-present sounds of the nearby forest were absent in the wait for my sight and hearing to adjust. I could _feel_ him.

"Em?" I called into the darkness, shutting the door in my wake. A quiet pacing reached my ears, and a flicker of movement drew my attention left. "What are you-"

The light from the kitchen spilled out through the glass-paneled door, finally enough to illuminate his features as he edged towards me. A flash of an earlier time, before he was ever mine and I was ever his and I was an oblivious, heartbroken girl was cast over my mind's eye. It was when my – _my friend_ - had crashed through a window, desperate to save me.

Now, he was desperate for something else. I worried that this time he wouldn't get it.

A gasp left my lips as the light brought more of his image to me. He was hurt - scars of a fight healing before my eyes, still angry and red. Completely fresh. A bruise was blooming over the left of his torso. His hair was wet, slicked back from his face, and from the lack of blood on his skin I knew he'd washed up for my benefit.

"Oh my god! What _happened?_"

The flash of anger, that primal golden hue in his eyes was covered with a blink, extended, as he clenched them further shut and buried a hand in his hair. He tugged, like the shock of discomfort would will the words out faster. I was closer to his height, now, still standing on the half-step.

"How do I make you feel, Bella?"

The desperation was there, audible now as his chin met his chest. This time, though, it wasn't evidence of my well-being that he needed. I just didn't know what he wanted to to say..

"What do you mean?" I said, leaning down to try and catch his gaze and giving in to the fact that it had been too damn long since I'd touched him. A muffled curse was the only reply, and I covered his hand with my own, both buried in those damp, ebony-silk strands. "Hey," I prodded, voice soft, as if addressing a caged animal. "Talk to me."

His breath steamed in the night air. Even though it was September, it wasn't close to freezing.

The wolf was near the surface.

Those eyes were back on me again, searching mine, raking over my body, taking in each contour and curve like a map for survival. "You know how much I want you, right?" He was right in front of me now, and something about his fervour caused my back to meet the door. Hand slipping out of his hair, it rested on his chiseled jaw, his heat blooming through my fingers.

"I know, Em." Just from that single look, I did know. It was a feeling I had deep within my own core, bringing me pleasure and torture each time he was near.

"And you'll always be enough for me, no matter what happens?"

A crinkle appeared between his brows when I hesitated. Suddenly, my hand was in his. "Bella, you know that, right?" His thumb traced my knuckles, encouraging, willing. I watched it because I couldn't watch him.

"I .. I want to believe it, as long as you believe it."

It was all I could muster. There was no space in my world for a sure-thing, and although he'd burrowed through the shell, it wasn't completely broken. His head jerked back as if slapped.

"Not good enough." It was as close to a growl as I'd ever get, directed towards me. "You'll always be enough, because I can't _get_ enough. Of you," he pressed my hand to his lips, "Of your scent. The taste of you. The way you think. How you sound. All of it."

My breath hitched, the gravity of his words and the feeling behind them pressing me further into the door. He turned my hand in his, lacing our fingers together like a puzzle. Yin and Yang. Two halves of a whole. He studied and raised them slowly.

My wrist met the door with a dull thud, and suddenly, I could feel the plumes of his breath on my cheek, eyelashes almost brushing the skin there as other sensations faded into a dull blur.

"The day I wake up, and you're not the first thing on my mind, is never going to come."

He punctuated the sentence with a soft nip to my ear lobe, taking my other hand in his. It joined its counterpart, above my head, pinned to the door. His nose traced the line of my cheek to the juncture of my neck.

"I don't even dream of anyone but you. You're always by my side, and I'm always by yours. Nobody else's." His lips met my skin, ghosting and soft – only the heat from his laboured breath the true evidence he was there at all.

Automatically, I leaned into his touch, wanting more, yet desperately needing to hear what he had to say. I didn't dwell on where we were, the fact we could be caught, or that I was half-dressed outside my own house, because it was exactly what I craved, and I wanted so badly to put faith in those words like he'd put faith in me.

"I fell for you before I really knew you, Bella, but I'd do it a thousand times – I'd _choose_ you in a heartbeat, if it meant learning who you are all over again."

His hands left mine, trailing lazily down my forearms, to my ribcage. My breath was coming in pants, only the thinnest cotton of my tank separating my skin from his touch. I wanted it all.

"I _know _you, Bella," he said, his lips shooting goosebumps over my skin, vibrations from his words. "I know your body, how you think, all those doubts in yourself..."

His fingers flirted with the end of my shirt, and I stood frozen, my hands exactly where he'd put them and not daring to protest. The cotton was inched higher, slowly and tortuously, a blazing trail snaking up each flank until he revealed his prize. He let out a reverent breath as his eyes took me in, a slight shake of his head that seemed to convey disbelief at the sight before him, and in that moment, I felt beautiful.

He leaned in once more and marked my flesh with territorial almost-kisses. My sternum. Ribcage. Nipples pebbling, an ache I'd never before felt for his touch beginning to consume me. I was giving in, because having him _here _and _close _was so different to telling myself I'd be okay without him. I was wrong.

"You can never hide how you feel from me," he spoke into my flushed skin. "Just like I'd never hide from you, and I'd never want to."

His nose traced trails, infinity symbols over me, breathing me in and leaving his own impression on my very memory. "No-one gets to tell us how it should be." The hard edge was back in his voice. "And no-one decides whether I'm fucking good enough for you, but you." His hands gripped my hip bones possessively, adding weight to his words. "Fuck anyone for trying to tell me how much I will or won't want you, or that I'll never be able to give you a guarantee."

His features crumpled and he didn't meet my questioning gaze, but the movement of his hands, covering more and more of my flesh as a comfort – for himself – conveyed his anger and the pleading he was too strong to show. Embry was done being told who he was by everyone who knew him. Nobody could stop him from having what he wanted, and I never wanted him to stop having _this._

"And Bella," Our eyes met as his lips hovered over my right nipple. My name was a sigh as his temper ebbed away. "I mean it when I say I'll be worth the risk."

I almost cried out at the first real contact, his tongue laving expertly over the puckered skin like a balm, simultaneously exacerbating and soothing the state I was in. He was _barely _touching me, yet I was on fire. My breath was coming in pants, and my back arched, willing him to stay exactly where he was.

Without conscious thought, my hand found his hair, tugging and pleading silently for more. But this moment wasn't about having to ask, it was about him, and his need to show me all he knew. He led my hand back to where it had been, a wordless command to relinquish control.

His forehead rested on my collarbone, and plumes of hot breath fanned out over my body. I shuddered, from both the sensation and the anticipation of the moment.

"I can make you happy," he whispered dejectedly, the wind rustling the trees still not enough to tear my focus from his words, and the thought behind them. My heart stuttered at the thin mask of assurance slipping away. He knew how he felt, but convincing me was battering at his composure.

"I know how, and all you have to do is let me show you."

His hands took possession of me once again, inching over my hips to the cotton sleep-shorts I'd dressed in only an hour earlier. _Had it only been that long?_

Deft fingers disappeared beneath the waistband, not close enough to where I wanted them, where the liquid heat was blooming outward and coiling in my stomach. My hips magnetised toward him as I watched him catalogue my reactions. A now-confident brow raised, encouraged by my reactions, and he took in the need in my expression. "See? I know what you want."

His hands were in mine again, and he released me from the invisible shackles above my head. I was sure he was going to kiss me this time.

He didn't.

Arms twisting above where I stood, I was twirled around, facing the door, and that's when he took the liberty of allowing his hands to do what his eyes had done moments before. Each curve was explored, each muscle and sinew territorially visited before he held my hips again, and his chin came to rest on my shoulder.

"What you want is this," he whispered, teasingly enjoying each jump of my heart rate and gasp for breath. One hand dipped inside my shorts, teasing at me and feeling my arousal for himself - an approving plume of breath leaving his lips at what he found. I couldn't even hide the loss of control when he pressed his body against me, chest against back and the evidence of his own need pressing into my flesh, like a prelude to a dance. "To be worshipped, and adored. To know you're good enough for that. I'll do it for you, forever, if you want it."

The brush of cotton over my buttocks and the rush of air at my back, signalling the absence of my shorts was only acknowledged for a second before another sound – of a button being popped, and a zipper being lowered - garnered every piece of my focus. "All you have to do is want it."

My hands were back on the door, bracing for some kind of grip on reality as the head of his hardness teased my skin. His hands found my breasts under my shirt, squeezing and teasing the answer from me. This was going no further until he got it.

"I want-" I clenched my teeth, fighting the need to moan aloud. I tried to rub my thighs together, anything for relief, but he stopped it with one halting grasp. His fingers ghosted downwards, not quite visiting where my need was most pronounced, and unconsciously my legs parted, wordlessly giving in - but he needed me to say it.

"Oh god, I _want_ it."

It was all the encouragement needed before he entered me, the shock and relief causing my head to loll back against his shoulder. He pressed his cheek against mine, absorbing my ecstasy as my body became reacquainted with the addition of his. It was only when I caught my breath that he began to thrust. He began slowly, drawing his entire length out before filling me again, bringing me further from over-thought and apprehension as his heat consumed me, my body pliable and fevered for his touch.

"This is how you make me feel," he told me, his voice husky with exertion. My back began to perspire, overheated from the heat of him and the overdose of hormones and racing heartbeat that his actions caused. Arms wound around me, one holding my waist tight as the other palmed my breast, He tasted the flesh of my shoulder, stopping once again to speak into my skin. Each point in his monologue was met with a long, languid thrust.

"Powerful. Needed. Worthy. No-one on this Earth has ever done that. Or ever will."

I lost the power of speech somewhere in those words, when he rolled his hips, finding the sweet spot inside me and drawing new heights of pleasure from my body. His lips found my shoulder once again, a familiar place - _his _place - and I could discern a subtle shake of his head before he released my flesh with a pop; no doubt marking the cream of my skin with his own hue.

"Not. Yet."

My breath flowed out of me when he withdrew, finding the ability to stand on my own feet - somewhat shakily - while I fought the need to protest his actions. It wasn't over. I knew it wasn't.

My thoughts were confirmed when his lips met the skin by my ear, distracting my mind with tingling sensation until I was facing him again, my head returning to rest against the door and my eyes hooded.

That lopsided smirk was triumphant as he took in my flushed cheeks and the strands of freshly-showered hair now snaking over my slick cheeks and forehead. "You don't get to finish unless I can see it. Unless I can watch your face when you come apart."

A rock-hard arm snaked beneath my buttocks and I was hoisted higher, my legs wrapping automatically around his waist. He grunted slightly - pain in his side, I think - but I didn't get a chance to dwell on it as once again, I was filled.

I moaned incoherently, this time, digging my hands into the corded muscles at his neck, feeling the soft, tender skin of scar-tissue beneath my fingers. He pressed his forehead to mine again, watching each tremor and twitch of my expression. All self-conscious thoughts left me as he began to move once again and I surrendered to the moment, to _him,_ and let every crest of pleasure play out in my movements.

He was moving faster now, finally relinquishing an ounce of control to instinct and feeling. I buried my fingers in his hair, his own strength leaving my hands free to touch and tug and stroke. I was getting closer, the heat simmering to a boil. I felt his chest heave against me, breaths coming short as he went deeper and deeper beneath the cloud of need. His thrusts lost rhythm and his strokes became frantic, punctuated only by the gasps and groans from my own throat. I held his flesh in my hands, needing him impossibly closer and unable to fathom how.

The knowledge that he was _this _close to the edge, that it was _my_ body making him feel this way caused the tension in my gut to explode in light and flame. I cried out into the night, announcing in wordless whimpers to anyone who could hear that _this_ was my choice, that Embry was my risk and that he was worth whatever potential came my way – it could be destructive, or it could be amazing, but I wasn't going to sit it out and watch potential pass me by. I'd been a spectator in my own life for too long now.

It was only when he tugged my bottom lip forcefully between his teeth that I was brought back from the stratosphere, and Embry found his own release deep within me. He cried out into my hair, letting himself surrender to the moment and let the control fall away. We caught our breath, bodies finally parting, fevered and gleaming from exertion and a haze of endorphins.

It was only then that he kissed me. It was only then that I fell apart.

"I'm sorry..." I said, voice breaking, my hands cupping his face as my lips nipped at his. He pulled away slightly, but his voice came out soothing and gentle, as the overflow of emotions crashed around me. I shivered in the night air as he swiftly re-dressed, adrenaline leaving me on unsteady legs.

"Shh... it's okay... " he whispered straightening back to encircle me in his arms. "I know what happened."

"It's just- I couldn't let myself believe that you were..." I hiccupped, my tears flowing on to his chest where he held me. "... and I started to realise..."

"It's okay," he soothed, kissing my cheeks, nose, hand weaved soothing circles on my back, letting it out. "I _know. _I just had to make you see."

"I can't believe I almost... it's because I love you so much that-"

He stilled, his movements stopping as he shifted me in his arms, giving himself the access to look in my eyes. I stared up at him, wide-eyed, just then comprehending what I'd said.

And that I meant it, with every cell of my being.

"You..." he said, brows jerking as a confounded look came over his face, There was a moment of stillness where the forest once again felt impossibly loud. He searched my eyes, a genuine, guarded look flashing in his own, like he thought I'd made a mistake - that the words had come out with no thought behind them. It was impossible.

"You said you... you..._said_.." his breath left his lungs before the sentence was complete.

I gave him a watery smile, finding the courage to nod and convince him it was true. The words came out like a ramble, like the feelings had been caged for so long that they couldn't come out quick enough.

"I love you. I love you so much that not being yours felt like the biggest mistake I ever made. This past week, everything's been _wrong _and confused because you give me meaning..." My hands weaved into his hair, and I cast my eyes over his features, memorising that face, that expression, for the rest of my life. "You give me strength...and it's not that I need you - though I do - it's that I _want _you. I want you in my life so badly that the thought of giving you up makes me feel like I'm losing the best thing that ever happened to me. Like my life will be that much greyer without you in it." I met his eyes again and repeated.

"I love you, Embry." My gaze darted between his. "I really do."

He stared in shock, eyes alternating between my mouth, where the words had left my lips, and my eyes, seeking the confirmation that it was true. He got it - lips crashed towards mine full force, his arms melding my body to his as his mouth took possession of my own, pouring everything _I _felt and _he _felt into an earth-shattering kiss.

He pulled away slowly, his hands cupping my cheeks as a smile that rivalled the dawning sun spread over his features. He kissed me again - short, sweet, ecstatic, and shook his head, like it didn't even need saying.

"I love you, too."

* * *

**A/N: Fun fact - this chapter was half-written months ago. I'm talking before the Bake Sale chapter (Muffin-Licking), and it's been nicknamed the 'Fuck You Jake Lemon' (FYJ) when I've discussed it with my brainstorm buddy/Embry advisor, Meliz875. You think Em pressing Bella up against that door was a good enough 'fuck you' to Jacob?**

**Let me know!**


	35. Leave 'Em All Behind

**Suggested Listening: Best Nights by Lydia, Autumn Leaves by Ed Sheeran, Better by Matthew Mayfield, Say Say Say by Dan Andriano in the Emergency Room, One By One by Unkle Bob, My Standard Break From Life by Alkaline Trio (For Jacob)**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Five: Leave 'Em All Instead**

_One mistake_

_I would never change_

_I want it all now, want it my way_

'_Cause she knows how I work_

_How I run, my insides_

'_Cause I will second guess_

_Everything about me_

_You're the only one that could see_

_How fucking crazy_

_I was starting to be_

_Yeah so pull me right back down, lady_

I tilted my head towards the sky and leaned back on my elbows. Un-fucking-believable.

_For once in my life, I've got someone who needs me, someone I've needed so long... For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me, and somehow I know I'll be strong..._

She loves me. I mean, _fuck. _She said it. _She..._loves _me. _I played the moment over and over on a loop, feeling the swell of balance and contentment bloom out from my body, the sensation of wolf and man in agreement - because she'd actually fucking said it, looking into my eyes, and no matter what happened, or who came between us, there was no taking that back. This girl I'd barely dared to dream about was actually _mine._ I was the walking epitome of every sappy cliche I'd once hated and I couldn't stop swearing because sometimes that happens when I'm in shock-

But fuck all of that. She _loved _me.

_For once I can say: "This is mine you can't take it!" As long as I've got love, I know I can make it! For once in my life, I've got someone who neeeeds meeeee!_

An exaggerated groan reached my ears just as the smile tugging at my mouth broke from its restraints.

"Oh Jesus," he grunted, "Things better with Bella, I'm guessing?"

I blanched, turning towards where Quil was eyeing me with a mixture of begrudging fondness and...caution? Oh, right.

"What gave it away?"

He tilted his head. "Sinatra. What else?"

I could feel the gape in my expression. "That was out_ loud_?"

He rolled his eyes, and then his neck; his whole body kind of mocked me, really. "_Jesus, _Em, if you could hear yourself sometimes. It's like someone's dad in the shower."

I'll admit I'd never really given my whole i_nternal jukebox_ thingmuch thought before he'd made such a deal about it, but hey- Bella seemed to find it at least kind of endearing. I_ hoped_. Otherwise she was just humouring me. I pressed my mouth closed.

Huh. She put up with all my other 'alternatively cool'(read: _painfully geekish_) stuff, though - she must have really loved me.

Fighting back another smile, I attempted to put a lockdown on my thoughts, but that image - that perfect fucking loop playing in my mind with Bella, kiss-dazed and stunning, blurting out everything she felt for me - kept sneaking back out. I couldn't help shaking my head, the odd, breathy peal of disbelieving laughter rumbling forth until it got to the point where covering it with a cough stopped working.

Quil just flopped backwards into the grass of Sam's back yard, arms outstretched, and a very human growl vibrating in his chest. I couldn't find it in me to care, really; I hadn't had a chance to be happyabout this yet. I hadn't shared what was all so new and crazy and terrifying but _fantastic _because everything had been shrouded in secrets. Now, The Pack knew about it all, and yeah, there was still _so _much crap to wade through and I hadn't really been facing up to it. I guess I'm an old hand at escapism, but... my life was _trying _to not suck so much.

I felt like I was high.

"Is this gonna take long?" Seth grumbled, coming into view, scrubbing a weary hand over his features.

The kid had aged about a year in the past ten days, and I obliquely wondered how the hell he was still standing upright. The stuff with Leah was bad enough - not to mention the oncoming storm barrelling our way - but he was now rooming with Paul since the guy had refused to leave the Clearwaters when Leah's blood pressure dropped overnight.

"...because I've got to hit the store before it closes, pick up Leah's meds, turn in an over-due History paper to my teacher's _house_, and somehow show my girlfriend that I haven't forgotten she existed over the past two weeks."

Shooting him a sympathetic look, I shrugged. "Beats me. I got a message left through my mom." _That _was some mature leadership right there.

Quil grinned sleazily at Seth. "Look at you, casually slipping the _girlfriend_ into conversation like you some _playa'..." _The gesture he made with his hand looked suspiciously like a gang sign.

_Oh fuck, he's been listening to Dr. Dre again._

It was my turn then to throw out the disapproving brow-furrows.

Seth simply sighed. "Yeah, cause _that _one was the secret of the century." He fixed a pointed look towards me, and I felt my chin dip involuntarily. Yeah, so there was a reason I'd barely been home in two days. It was a little too easy to forget.

Bella and I had been in a bubble, reluctant to ever leave it. Our own little slice of happiness in the middle of all the crap going on around us because, whether consciously or not, we knew there was a pretty huge chance that this was the last opportunity we'd get. There was a dread still hovering in the recesses of our time together, no matter how much we tuned it out - and we'd tried. September had become October, and Bella Duty had unofficially fallen to me exclusively since I no longer had to dream up excuses to be around her all the time.

It was made a little easier by the fact that a certain Chief-of-Police was still working all the hours he legally could - and now knew why I'd been around so much. I could practically feel my ears turning pink at the memory.

"_Think I'm slow or somethin', Son?_" _he grunted, brows pinching irritably at me from where he was braced on the kitchen counter. I swallowed, instantly regretting the uneasiness it displayed, and threw a look back towards the stairs. _Crap, how long does it take to get changed, Bella?

"_Uh, no, Sir," I croaked, feeling my posture wither just a bit under his gaze, practically baring my throat to him if it meant I could keep seeing Bella with my body in tact. It was pretty ridiculous. I'd taken on my own alpha not two nights ago, but Papa-Bear Charlie Swan and his police-issue revolver had my delicate parts trying to crawl back up inside me. Shit._

"_So you mean to tell me that you showed up here yesterday morning, before I got up, went home after I went to work last night, and showed up before..." he checked his watch, "...ten, this morning?"_

_I could feel my eyebrows make a break for my hairline as he talked, caught off-guard. My attention darted between trying to return his gaze and making sure the pan in my hand was really, really, really dry._

"_Well, uh-"_

"'_Cause you and Bells are _'just friends'._.." he said, voice elongating over the last part. His tone screamed skepticism._

_My eyes widened, not sure whether to agree or lie like my life depended on it, because shouldn't Bella have been the one to break this kind of news? But in the end I just said nothing, because fuck it, he _knew.

"_I'd have a helluva lot more respect for you if you just admitted to staying over, kid," he baited, but I wasn't falling for it. It'd be a lie anyway. I hadn't even slept inside the house - I knew two minutes of laying down beside Bella, her scent surrounding me, her perfect skin under my hands, and an atomic bomb could have gone off in the next town without my notice. Possibly. I shook my head, and forced my gaze back to meet his. He was terrifying._

"_Didn't stay here, Chief. I'm crashing in town, sure, but Bella and I..." I couldn't say we 'respected' him more than to sneak me into her bed, because, well, we'd _done_ that. Twice. Maybe we _should_ have been respecting his home more. It's just that, with everything else going on, sneaking around Charlie was an unnecessary burden, and my skills were better focused elsewhere. Like making sure nobody _else_ was sneaking around Charlie._

"_You... what?" he prompted with a raised brow, searching my face for a trace of lies, and I realised I'd been lost in my head. He straightened up, folding his arms, but never once broke his fixed stare._

"_Look, anyone else'd be getting a flash of my holster right about now. But I can't help but notice that the times you're around coincide directly with when my little girl can string complete, coherent, mostly pleasant sentences together, and doesn't do that-" he gestured to his face, frowning, "- that far-off _glare _she does when something's up. So believe me, as much as I'd like to be takin' you down the shooting range and demonstrating what a great shot I still am - because I am - I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt."_

_A weight settled into my chest; an ache of what? I wasn't sure. Acceptance? Pride? It wasn't like my life was laden with eager father-figures, fighting each other to bestow me with manly advice or heartfelt, yet stoic, speeches - but something about Charlie made me reluctant to let him down. I realised that, as it had been for Bella, Charlie made me want to be worthy of the trust they were both showing me. Not just a good kid, like he was saying. A better man._

_He scrubbed a hand over his chin and studied me, still not having been up long enough to shave. If this was just-woken-up Charlie, I felt bad for anyone he arrested when he'd had his coffee and a full stomach of breakfast._

"_I guess if anything, I should be happy that it's you. Still don't know what happened with her and Jake-" he held up a halting hand when my face dropped, "Nor am I sure I really want to, since I like being friends with Billy and all. But she could have ended up with the slow one, Joy Ateara's kid? The one who had too many run-ins with the stomach-pump in kindergarten." He tilted his head and scrunched his nose, thinking, and I didn't dare interrupt._

"_Or the Newton boy. All hair-gel and no brain cells. Dull as dishwater." He shook his head, breaking the line of thought and fixed his eyes on me again. "At least you seem to be pretty straight-up, and able to match her, intelligence-wise. Or did I get the wrong impression somewhere?"_

_It was his cop-face. Bella had talked about this._

_I sighed, daring to feel flattered, but knowing that no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't be completely honest with him. I respected the guy. Hell, I liked him, always had, but there was still so much he couldn't know. Least of all being what _exactly_ was going on between me and his daughter._

"_We didn't have permission to stay together... and you've got a pretty hefty gun collection," I hedged, feeling the quake in my voice that I hoped could be assigned to the early hour. I held his gaze without flinching, though, knowing that avoiding it would look suspicious. What I'd said was half-true, and I hoped it was what he needed to hear. Obliquely, I wondered how Bella did this so much. Lying to Charlie was exhausting._

_He watched me for a beat, satisfied, before he hid a proud smirk at my reply, turning his face back out the window. He sipped his coffee. "So long as we know where we stand, Kid."_

_I gave him a tight nod. "Your roof, your rules." My conscience added that maybe I should keep respecting said added guilt was starting to eat me up; I wasn't fully sure I deserved to get laid for a while. _

"_But if you need somewhere to stay," he continued, eyeing me speculatively. "If you or that mom o' yours need a break..."_

_My eyes widened. He couldn't seriously be offering-_

"_...we got a perfectly nice couch. And a perfectly good lock on Bella's door."_

_My ears were practically melting off my head._

"_And failing that," he said, giving a resigned sigh and this time resolutely avoiding _my_ gaze, "Planned Parenthood's open Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays."_

_Mine wasn't the only face turning puce._

"_Got it, Chief," I said tightly, wishing to be any-fucking-where but that kitchen._

"_Charlie, Kid. Call me Charlie," he grunted, and wandered off towards the doorway._

That was this morning, and if anything, it just cemented my desire to keep Bella safe, like Charlie would have asked if he knew what was going on. The moment I'd passed the treaty line to La Push, my skin had started vibrating. Coupled with the unease within the Pack and the unresolved tension, there was a red-headed hurricane coming. Though my life felt light years away from where it had been even a few months ago, people still needed protecting. _Bella _still needed it, because honestly, it was all pretty terrifying - and the last time this had played out, she'd lost someone extremely dear to her. Someone who was becoming important to me.

And she couldn't be sure it wouldn't be another one of us this time around.

It didn't take a genius to work out that, how her kisses were a little bit more forceful, the hands in my hair gripping a little tighter, and the way she refused to break eye contact as I pressed her into the cushions and explored her body with my lips was a coincidence. It was about more than just being happy we weren't still fighting.

The final walls had cracked between us, and when that barrier where our true feelings were out there, raw and exposed was torn down, well - lets just say we both had a lot more to lose. Bella was savouring me, and I'd be an idiot not to let her. Truth was, I was doing the same thing.

I was pretty sure I could draw her face from memory, could map out the scars and beauty marks on her body with satellite accuracy as if it would save my life some day. If I lost my sight tomorrow I could identify her from far away by heartbeat and touch and scent alone - but that's not exactly impressive when you've got senses like mine, I guess. It's still better to file it all away in the memory bank, though. Everything _Bella_ was seared into my mind, tattooed irreversibly as if it hadn't been before. Just in case.

It seemed like a lot of things were coming down to that these days.

_Just in case._

Maybe now, because Bella knew that I loved her, _how much_ I loved her, it meant that being torn apart would literally destroy us even more than it would have before. But though, in either scenario, there would be little of me left worth salvaging, it'd be worse if I knew either of us would have to survive the other without hearing the truth.

At least if I died, if we were ripped apart one last time, she'd know I loved her.

_Just in case._

That's why coming back to the Rez had been put on the back-burner for the last forty-eight hours. I'd learned the art of distraction from a young age, this time escaping to the comfort of Bella rather than fictional lives on a screen, and it was only when she wasn't near that I started thinking like this. Thinking like maybe I wouldn't make it back to her in one piece. Like I couldn't run fast enough, wasn't fierce enough... or I hadn't seen enough leeches in combat or this fight would be the one I'd lose. I could literally_ feel _my shoulders slumping.

I guess sitting here with my thoughts had consumed me a little more than I'd thought, because next I looked up, almost the whole pack was here, minus Leah, who would actually be wrapped in cotton balls if some people had their way. Paul was pacing, energy vibrating in his muscles while he raked a hand absently through his hair. I hadn't seen him outside the Clearwaters' in days, and the pit of my stomach lurched at the sight of him. Though I could still find escape, bury myself in Bella until we became a single being, so close one could no longer tell the beginning and ending of the other - others couldn't. He was physically pained to be away from Leah, and it felt like looking in a muddied mirror. I couldn't watch for long.

Also absent was Collin, who I'd met on my way out of Forks, heading for the Swan's, Brady, who was probably still running the perimeter - and, thankfully, Jake.

In fact, I hadn't seen him since, well. _Since. _

My rib had just about managed to heal itself, after Bella spent a horrified hour gingerly touching the skin around it and asking if my left lung felt 'floppy, like a three-day-old balloon, you know?', because _that's_ a tangible feeling. I supposed even those of us normally as astute and articulate as she was kind of lost it when worried, no matter how needlessly. Even after all this time, she still wasn't totally jaded by the werewolf thing - and this from a girl who could bend _reality._

I'd left her three hours ago with a promise to be back soon, but I was already feeling it. I trusted each of my brothers implicitly when it came to duty - no matter what was going on between us all - but knowing what we did now, I had a restlessness in my bones. The wolf and I were, for once, in agreement. We needed Bella safe, and to ensure that, we needed her close.

Which is why a growl tore from my chest when my eyes found Collin, rounding the side of Sam and Emily's deck with an agitated look on his face. He made a beeline for Sam, who sat with his feet dangling off the edge of the deck, closest to the gathered imprints inside and still radiating authority like it was stained into his skin. I was on my feet and in front of Collin in an instant, spitting out demands as he babbled, wide-eyed back at me.

"No, dude, I didn't just leave her there!"

"Embry, breathe," Sam warned, eyes zeroing in on the jump of pulse on my neck. I raised a brow at the pup in front of me, undeterred. I had to know.

"She came to visit Leah," Collin was saying. "She even brought me here-"

Before he completed the sentence, the scent hit me, and my attention focused on the sound of two sets of footsteps tracing up the gravel path. One strong, determined and heavy-footed, the other in a similar stride, but not carrying even a fraction of the weight. Collin held out his hands helplessly, relieved, before scuttling off to join the ranks.

"Look, you can be an asshole all you like later on, but at least you won't be a _dead_ asshole."

_Bella._

Jacob came into view, his jaw clenched in irritation, shoulders squared and looming as Bella struggled behind him to keep in step. Her face was flushed, angry, and she was in full rant mode - brow pinched as she trained a searing gaze at the side of his face. He ignored her like an annoying buzz; barely registering on his radar, but irritating nonetheless.

"And of course you're not talking to me, that's fine, I don't even _care_, Jacob. But even if I'm wrong, if this whole thing is made up like you're still convincing yourself, at least those guys you're training as soldiers will have a little heads up if they _do_ encounter some.."

Bella seemed to jolt as the Pack came into view, her steps halting while Jacob strode on and left her in his wake. She took in each face, and her mouth opened in a small gape, realising for the first time where she was. My stomach settled at the sight of her, here and safe like the wolf wanted, and my feet were forced to stay planted to the ground, though she was still too far away and distressed. I got the feeling she'd come on a mission, just allowing herself to be led here without coherently taking in where she was going. She needed to do this, whatever it was, on her own merits. The determined pinch to her expression had told me as much.

She was kind of impossible when she got an idea into her head. I kind of loved that about her.

Jacob came to a stop, catching sight of me for the first time. He still bore faint scars on his neck from our last encounter, but they were a pale white over his skin. I refused to look away, though the base instinct inside me was to instantly avert my eyes in submission. My head tilted away in reaction to his glare, fighting how much the man in me didn't want to show weakness, to recognise his hold over me as subordinate. Power still radiated from him, though, and my wolf didn't have a death wish. I knew that some part of Jacob had held back that night, or I wouldn't have been sitting here with just a few marks and aches to show for it. Jacob could have easily ended me if he wanted to. We both knew it.

The muscles in his jaw rippled as he turned back to her, folding his arms and grunting, "You have five minutes."

A flicker of surprise danced over her features before she shut it down, and her back straightened, cascade of hair thrown backwards over one shoulder. "Okay," she said quietly, nodding before her eyes found me, and a steely set came to her chin when I wandered to my previous spot and slumped on the grass, watching expectantly. "Okay."

I was still baffled, throwing her a shrug which she answered with the faintest of smiles.

"Um, well alright. You guys know the whole," she waved a hand out dismissively to the side, "story about the Newborns and me, I guess. I just wanted-" she cleared her throat, and shook her head. "I need to just tell you guys some things. I don't wanna tell you your_ job _or anything, but _before_? You had training." She chewed on her lip for a beat. "...with the Cullens."

A chorus of growls rumbled through the Pack, and she held up her hands placatingly. Jacob, to his credit, let out a short, sharp whistle for order, cutting off the din immediately. Bella threw him a curious look before continuing.

"You might not believe me, whatever... but think - Leah's a good fighter, from what I hear. And those vampires really hurt her, right? They're not like the ones you know."

Paul stiffened as Seth piped up, voice wary. "How are they different?"

Her eyes found his, encouraged that someone, at least, trusted her information. I felt a swell of pride, wondering how this was the same girl who tried to tell me she wasn't strong.

"When someone gets turned, they spend three days, uh, changing. Its traumatic and painful. Some remember, some don't, but it's all the same when they wake up." Her eyes lost focus as she recalled some as-yet- untold story in her head. "They're feral. The bloodlust is worst as a newborn, and it gives them this impossible strength - even for vampires. They're stronger than any of the ones you've encountered because they can't even think straight. All they want is to feed, and they will literally stop at nothing to do it."

She looked back around, knowing that each of her audience was wondering when this speech was going to become helpful. "Jasper said it makes them deadly. but it also means that they think less. If you have a strategy, if you're smart, you can fight them."

I looked around the Pack, noticing each member hanging on her every word. Even Jacob, eyes trained on the ground, had his head tilted in interest. Whether he wanted to believe her or not, there was no denying that this was vital information.

Bella explained all she knew, recalling tips from Jasper's teaching, making a point to stress how important it was not to let one of the leeches get their arms around you. She sent a look Jacob's way at that - which he missed - but a mental image formed in my head of a nightmare, one that had tortured Bella at the time, in which the body on the ground of the clearing that day wasn't Charlie's.

Things weren't right between any of us at the moment, but I wasn't arrogant enough to think that I was the only one Bella was worried about here.

She loved us all. Even him, and if I wasn't still so disgusted with him at that moment, I might have felt okay about it.

Her five minutes bled into twenty, and Bella reached the end of her well of knowledge, standing awkwardly as the information trailed off. I smiled weakly as I stood, hating to see her look so uncomfortable and took her in my arms, kissing the top of her head. When I pulled back, I didn't miss the look shared between her and Quil. He nodded once, turning away, and she returned it, smiling softly.

"What was that about?" I asked, jerking my head towards him. Her smile widened, and she shook her head, stepping out of my grasp.

"Nothing. You have some really good friends, is all."

I threw a look towards Jacob, catching him in the act of looking away. "Right," I said evenly.

Before she could say anything else, Kim appeared at the door, flanked by Melanie.

"We thought we heard you. Get in here, Bella! Emily's threatening Bridezilla and we need a little outside influence," she smiled, and Melanie gave her an encouraging look. That one surprised me, since I'd assumed their ease with each other last week was down to the high-pressure situation, not any kind of progress. Bella didn't mention when she and Melanie had become less like awkward first wife/second wife and more like genial acquaintances. I shot her another confused look as she walked away, giving me a small wave. She never stopped surprising me.

"Alright," Jacob barked, turning his back on the house. "Out into the clearing, we don't know how much time we have."

The remaining wolves got to their feet and headed off, as I turned to the house.

"Embry," Jacob said, a warning in his tone. I bristled at it - I'm sure he saw, but I was so past his attitude that I threw a dismissive hand over my shoulder.

"I'll catch up," I replied, but didn't hear him take any steps to leave.

"Jake, come on man," Quil - _thank fuck for Quil sometimes -_ cut in. I was already reaching for the door when I heard him give in.

Emily was sat at the kitchen table, a chaotic mound of brochures, cut-outs and swatches covering any available inch of its sizable surface. It was pretty impressive, since that table usually housed the entire pack and whichever imprints happened to be around, but there was a nervous buzz around it now, instead of the usual relaxed chaos of meal time.

"Where was the ivory centerpiece again? I need to see it!" Emily said urgently, completely embroiled in the tasks in front of her. Kim held out page from a magazine, and Emily snatched it from her hand, shaking her head. She hadn't even noticed me come in."This isn't ivory, Kim... _God, _how hard is it to-" she ranted, pausing for breath just as the panic in her scent became pungent. "Okay, it's fine... here it is. I got it." Her nose wrinkled. "Ugh. It's disgusting. It's completely going to clash with Sam's suit. What was I thinking?"

I raised my eyebrows towards Bella, who was straightening up from clipping together yet another stack of pictures. She threw me an exasperated look and crossed the kitchen, weaving her arms around my waist.

"I thought you had training to do?" she said, looking up at me, but the relief I detected in her voice matched my own. At least I couldn't feel too much of a sap for missing her, for succumbing to that dread for those three whole hours.

"Just wanted to say 'hey'... I couldn't really get a word in edgeways," I said, smirking down at her proudly. She dipped her head.

"I thought it was important that you guys knew as much as I did... at least if they didn't believe me, they'd have the memory of what I said."

I kissed the top of her head, feeling the inquisitive eyes of Kim on us before she schooled them away, muttering something soothing to Emily that didn't appear to be working. Melanie was making some kind of tea and shooting agitated glances over her shoulder at them both.

"So you and Melanie, huh?" I asked quietly, curiously. Bella glanced at her, and there wasn't the same awkwardness in her expression. She shrugged.

"We... talked. Last week. I guess I realised she's an actual person and not just a symbol of my shortcomings," she said honestly. I gave her a pained smile, but she twisted her fingers in my shirt, focusing her eyes there.

"So you two are friends now?"

She levelled me with a look she could only have picked up from Leah. "I think being in the same room without one of us running for the door is enough, don't you?"

I chuckled softly and buried my nose in her hair. _God, that scent. _

"Leah? Any change?" I asked, feeling a wave of guilt that it had taken me so long to enquire.

"She was sleeping when I got there. Her leg seems to have just stopped healing, or something. Old Quil's apparently trying to find something that can trigger that in you guys," she said, mouth curling on one side. "It's not like a band-aid and some magic cream would do any of you any good."

Her eyes darted out towards the yard, where the Pack had just been, and I could practically see the guilty wheels in her head turning. I crooked my finger under her chin. "Stop," I whispered.

She gave me a dejected little smile when she looked up. "Can't help it. They're coming here 'cause of me and I didn't even give you guys proper warning to train."

"You came today, right?" I said, and she gave a reluctant nod. "Even though I'm sure tracking down Alpha Asshole was fun for all involved."

She snorted ruefully "I thought he was just tuning me out. I guess I have to give him some credit for actually letting me speak."

I raised a brow. "Not too much..."

"Believe me, I still have a vivid memory of what a dick he is," she said, cocking her head to the side condescendingly. She leaned into my chest again, resting her cheek over my heart.

There was a few seconds of nothing between us as the volume of Emily's rambling rose again, and I lifted my chin.

"What's with the nervous breakdown?" I muttered, jerking my head towards where Emily was now ripping up a photograph.

Bella's mouth twisted as she straightened up. "Think she's scared that there may not _be_ a wedding... so... I guess it's a distraction?"

I nodded in understanding - I knew all about those. "Just don't let her start baking. Last time Sam had to go out of state we were eating burnt lemon cookies for a week," I said with a mock-wince. Bella smirked and nodded, pulling away with a kiss.

"Duly noted. Now go - that breakdown I gave was for your benefit as much as anyone elses'," she said, eyes dipping towards the ground. "In fact, more."

My heart twisted, wishing I could give her an easy reassurance - but Bella and I were past platitudes. We'd been honest with each other and believed the truth even when it wasn't particularly sane to.

I stepped backwards out the doorway, shooting her a salute as I did and passing Sam - who was undressing to phase in - on the way. I decided to walk; I may have wanted to scream my happiness from the rooftop, but on no planet did I want to be phased with Jacob any more than was necessary. It turned out, as I approached the clearing, I shouldn't have worried. The sound of hard-edged, human voices travelled through the last thicket of trees as I made my way silently to the training ground.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Paul was saying, and I could practically picture the curve of his lip as he spoke.

"Look, I know what happened is terrible, and we all feel it, believe me, but you're no good to Leah when you're only really about forty per cent here," Jacob replied sternly. "It's fucking with the dynamic and we're already one wolf down."

There was a bitter snort then, and as Paul came into view, I saw him take a leisurely step backwards, away from Jacob. It felt like more of our Alpha's benefit than his own.

"Oh that's rich, coming from _you,_" he scoffed. "And tell me, is your little bitch-fit over Embry fucking your ex enriching the Pack dynamic, or have I missed something?"

My steps froze, weighed down by curiosity over what Jacob was going to say next. They didn't know I was there, completely focused on each other, and Quil - still hovering off to one side warily - didn't seem to sense me either. The rest of the Pack were obviously ahead in the clearing, leaving just us behind. It was like the air around them stilled with tension.

"Excuse me?" Jacob said, voice low.

"You heard me. I may be just at - what was it you said? Forty percent?," he sneered sarcastically, head turning to the side as he looked to the trees. "But even I can see you're tearing us apart from the top down. I wonder what Great-Grandpa would think of your teenage soap opera if he's not too ashamed to watch."

"Paul-" Quil started, pinching the bridge of his nose, but Jacob cut him off.

"Last time I checked, I wasn't the one sticking his dick where it doesn't belong," Jacob said.

There was a snide clap - and cheer - from Paul as he turned on his heel, spinning around to face Jacob again. "Oh wow. Tell me, Jakey-boy, what gives you the fucking right to tell any of us where we should and should not be 'sticking our dicks'?"

There was a warning in that sentence, and Jacob was aware of it just as much as I was - if anyone had dared to criticise Paul's relationship with Leah, well, it's not like we could show them any sympathy for what happened next. It was the same as baiting a rabid dog. The result would be quick and painful, with no-one to blame but yourself.

"That's not what I meant, Lahote, and you know it."

"Oh, I know what you meant. It's not about where he's been putting it, it's the fact that you never got to check out the merchandise first," he said knowingly, and Jacob just glared. "Kills you doesn't it? You're worried that one day he'll slip up, and you're gonna see everything you never got to have because - as fucked up as the whole process is - despite the fact that _you have a goddamn imprint,_ it still eats at you. Knowing that he gets to have something you never did. Guess what, Black. That's your fault, not his."

There was a tense silence then, as Jacob's face flickered back to indifference, knowing that showing Paul any kind of anger was as good as admitting that he was right. He shook his head, turning his face away.

"Whatever you wanna believe, man," he said wearily. "Just remember, it wasn't me who started keeping the secrets here. _You _know that. If Embry had been a man about it, he could have avoided all this. Shame he had to be such a fucking pussy - and a shitty excuse for a friend.."

Before I could let the anger bubble up, Quil was interrupting, giving his first real opinion on the matter since the day he found out and he tried to cover his ass.

"Whoa, man," he said walking forward with a hard set to his jaw. "I know you guys are fighting, but you can't honestly believe that."

Jacob turned, looking at him with betrayal as he did. "Yeah, actually, I do believe that. I found out about all of this by catching them kissing on her fucking front porch, _reeking_ of each other," he snapped. "Maybe I could have gotten used to the idea if oh, _I don't know_, he told me about it? Around the time when he suddenly decided to fuck my ex?"

It was getting on my nerves, how much he kept referring to what Bella and I had as just sex. he couldn't have believed it, not really, after being inside my head, sensing those emotions. Despite everything, he knew us, and he knew we weren't like that.

"You don't know shit, do you?" Quil said, shaking his head in disbelief. "Dude... Embry's been in love with Bella pretty much as long as you have."

Jacob's head cocked to one side. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I mean, all that time you wanted her, talked about her constantly, fell harder and harder for her - so did he. And he didn't say anything."

"Because he knew she wasn't meant for him," he retorted, but Quil shook his head thoughtfully.

"No," he said softly. "No, I don't think that was the only reason." Quil's gaze darted in my direction, like he knew I was listening, but he'd somehow not managed to give it away. "I think he didn't tell you because... he loves you, man. And maybe he thought you loved him too. Enough to not go after her out of respect, and then you'd both be alone. He loved you too much for you to deprive yourself of that."

My chest clenched, and I had to look away, because that - from the mouth of one of my most idiotic, shallow and immature friends - was the truth. Sure, I'd never believed Bella would even look at a guy like me twice, but I knew Jacob had a shot, and back when we were close - when we were truly like brothers - I believed he'd give her up to keep that. With me. Now? I knew better.

I knew that the Jacob who imprinted had a possessive streak a mile wide and need for control that would make him a great alpha some day - but not a great friend.

Jacob was stock still, being watched closely as Paul shook his head disapprovingly. Quil's face was a contortion of pity and pain, and he started to walk away, having said what he needed to.

"I guess, maybe he didn't tell you sooner, because he didn't think you'd do the same for him - give her up, I mean." He looked Jacob up and down, one last time, quirking his brow in a sad, resigned, expression. "I guess he was right."

I hung back until they moved on, and tried to remind myself why I still cared that Jacob wouldn't look me in the eye. The problem was, I could remember.

* * *

**A/N: So, funny story, I broke my hand. It was in plaster and it sucked and I couldn't type properly with it, so that partially explains the massive gap in updates. The other part of the explanation involves me cheating on Embry with another werewolf called Derek Hale, writing a 30k AU for that **_**other **_**fandom because I couldn't get back into this story after the time away, and then some very pushy Wolf Girls who I knew would be out for blood if I didn't get back into this story. So here we are. Sorry it's a little short, but there's some awesome stuff coming up (well, I think so).**

**Also, I kind of love Paul in this chapter.**

**Thoughts?**


	36. That's Alright, Honey

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**Suggested Listening (is especially important for this chapter it wouldn't have gotten finished without them): Autumn Leaves by Ed Sheeran, This Light by Dan Andriano in the Emergency Room, 'I Know You Care' and 'Halcyon' by Ellie Goulding, Good Arms Vs Bad Arms by Frightened Rabbit (holy shit, this SONG), ****Landfill by Daughter, ****Broken Crown by Mumford & Sons, I'm Not Yours by Angus & Julia Stone, Bones by Ben Howard, Daydreamer by Adele.**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Six: That's Alright, Honey**

_Daydreamer_

_With eyes that make you melt_

_He lends his coat for shelter_

_Plus he's there for you_

_When he shouldn't be_

_But he stays all the same_

_Waits for you_

_Then sees you through_

_You can find him sittin' on your doorstep_

_Waiting for a surprise_

_And he will feel like he's been there for hours_

_And you can tell that he'll be there for life._

**Bella POV**

_"Space cowboys," I said flatly._

_He puffed out a breath, single eyebrow rising at the look on my face. "It's not like it sounds, okay? Just... Look, have I steered you wrong yet?"_

_"I guess if I trusted you with 'scary' condiment containers with British accents..." I mused aloud, teasing even though we both knew I'd give in. Any excuse to keep him around for the day. "You know it's because I think you're cute, right?"_

_He practically preened. "I would have gone for devastatingly handsome, burly man-flesh - Oh! Man-flesh. Lord of the Rings should be next on the list, for sure - but yeah. And because," he continued, chin jutting out proudly, "You _love_ me."_

_I tried for an exasperated sigh, really, I did, but even then I could feel the smirk pulling at the corner of my lips. _

_"That's a big part of it. Yes." _

_I'm pretty sure he thought I turned away, flipping over the DVD case before the tiny victory punch he jabbed by his side._

_"It doesn't mean you get to take advantage of it, though," I added, just for good measure. "No fair, using your powers for evil." His lips parted with a smile, but I cut him off before the inevitable happened, holding a finger up in front of his face. Dark, mischievous eyes practically crossed looking at it. "And no, you do not need to quote Spider-Man at me now, I'm aware of your 'great responsibility'."_

_The words caught in his throat, cut off by a blinding grin. "God, I love you," he breathed, tugging me close, nose brushing at the skin of my neck as he chuckled._

_Pulling back slightly, I pressed my forehead into his with a smile. "So what's with phase two, no wait, three, of Educating Bella?" I asked. I had an idea, but Embry somehow had the ability to surprise, even when I though I was starting to get him all figured out. He shrugged._

_"It's kind of easier to keep my hands to myself when there's something vaguely more interesting than The Food Network playing in the background," he said sheepishly, which, see? Not the answer I was expecting. "Besides, what better reason for a little escapism than the constant threat of-" he swallowed, "inter-species war?"_

_There it is._

_I tried to smile at that, through the dark feeling of dread settling in the pit of my stomach, but even I wasn't that good at faking 'okay' yet. _

_"And the reminder that someone who used to be both of our closest friends is acting like a power-crazed jackass?" I said ruefully. Embry's face fell, and he cleared his throat, making a non-committal noise. I regretted bringing it up instantly._

_"So," he dodged brightly, throwing himself onto the couch and toeing his battered skate-shoes off like he belonged there. He stretched back luxuriously, shirt rucking up slightly to expose a sliver of caramel flesh and the dark, distracting line of hair leading into the waistband of his pants. I couldn't really care less about the TV show anymore. "Let's see how many episodes it takes for me to start competing for your affection with Captain Mal Reynolds."_

I punched at the pillows and turned on to my back, sighing so hard a tendril of hair flew away from my forehead. I watched it fly. Who was I kidding? There was no way I was getting any sleep when he was outside. So... _close. _

Not even replaying the previous day with Embry was doing its usual job of lulling me into contentment.

There was a gnawing in my gut that I'd somehow managed to dull down over the past few days, letting Embry be that glorious distraction from the shit-storm that seemed to be my life. He was unbelievable; never wavering in his faith in me, giving me that push I needed to make the right decisions, or being there to catch the wrong ones. He looked at me like I was some surprise he wasn't sure he quite believed he'd been given, but wasn't going to complain about it. It felt good to be looked at that way - especially when I felt the same. Sometimes I thought that he was some kind of gift from the universe for giving me a pretty bum deal when it came to relationships. Of course, nothing was really perfect - the people in my life were still in danger and still I was powerless to stop it. I tried my best not to lose heart - for him, and for _us -_ but it was these moments, on the cusp of sleep but still a mile away from any real rest, that the walls closed in, and I grasped desperately at the better memories and hope like it was some crazy ideal.

Coming out of my Embry cocoon was like stepping back into oncoming traffic after a period of blissful, silent rest.

Should I really be surprised that my life had come back to this? A pack of kids were about to march into a battle that they had no business even knowing existed. The wolves snarled at the confines of their human enclosures. The skittishness of Sam's and Paul's were obviously just a precursor for the rest - or the imminent danger to Leah had had something to do with it, but that had a whole Pack bonding, pre-imprint element that I was in no way going to examine - like sensing a thunderstorm or feeling the vibrations preceding an earthquake. Embry said it felt like an out-of-reach itch, or the aftermath of a burn which hadn't quite blistered yet, so there was no way of really telling how widespread the damage was. The Pack was on edge, and despite my efforts to calm and hopefully prepare them them, the reprieve didn't last for long. Embry and Leah seemed to be the only ones not struggling - or maybe they just hid it the best.

I'd changed things; re-written my own history to avoid losing those I loved, but it felt like I was right back to square one again. It was the same every night now. Now that the dreams had left me, now that I'd seen what would have happened if I'd continued down that path.

Marrying Edward. Giving myself to him. Feeling an ache in my heart and in my stomach when Carlisle confirmed what we knew - that somehow I was carrying a child. _Our _child.

I felt the maternal instinct that barrelled through me, unwilling to even consider losing something that Edward and I had created together. Felt the weakness of my devastatingly human body as my resolve became the only thing which wasn't chipped away. Then the blankness of the days following. The worry and betrayal in the faces of the two men I loved most on Earth. Edward's eventual, awe-filled acceptance, and then...

Then-

Nothing.

I knew what that meant. I knew that not dreaming of anything but Victoria, watching me from the tree line (or the cliff-top, or through the window of Newtons, but all completely imagined) in over a week, and feeling this... _tether_ to that other life snapping could only mean that I hadn't survived. I allowed myself the better part of a day to mourn my life before I realised how absurd that was.

How could I possibly lament another course of events when I woke up each morning to Embry grinning at me expectantly through the glass paneling of the back door before I invited him inside. Even Charlie seemed to be getting used to his presence when he happened to be around for breakfast.

It was still food for thought, though. I wondered how different things would have been had I gotten to know Embry properly in that other world. Would his words have been enough to convince me to save myself?

I couldn't fault the decision I'd made; to carry Edward's and my child, to allow it to grow and give it the best chance at life possible, despite what others had to say, especially when I saw the longing in Rosalie's face. The hesitant joy from Esme. I couldn't have willingly given up the one chance to become a mother until the very last moment.

And seemingly, that's exactly what I did.

If I was ever looking for further confirmation that I was better off here, that was it. At least here, I was alive.

_But for how long?_

My inner voice hadn't sounded like Leah in quite a while. I missed that. I missed her like a limb, and I worried that what had happened to her wasn't something she was going to bounce back from. Even after Sam, after her father and changing and losing so much, she had never lost that fierce spark in her eyes. These days, Leah was a little less quick at her retorts. A little less cutting in her jibes. A lot more withdrawn and just... tired. I couldn't help but feel like the light in her was dimming, and I didn't have the luxury or know-how to do anything but spend time with her and treat her like _Leah, _not some breakable, precious thing that needed to be treated with kid gloves. Even though seeing her in that bed made me want to.

And that was one more thing to feel guilty about.

I'd let this happen to her, encouraged her to let Paul into her life when she wasn't ready, hadn't tried hard enough to convince her to come home, and now she was stuck in that room as her life force drained away. It was a wonder Paul could still even speak to me.

Yet, all my energy was spent keeping up the facade of normalcy for Charlie. Staying strong, being the girl Embry fell in love with. Keeping it together. Just in case.

More than anything, I just wished I could get some damn sleep. I wished I'd stop dreaming about red hair and crimson eyes and the panicked howling of wolves. Maybe then the whole 'acting normal' thing wouldn't feel like so much of an undertaking.

I stared at the ceiling, picking out the sounds outside my window. There was nothing but the rustle of the trees, the odd little interlude of wildlife, and the extremely faint hum of intermittent traffic. But I could hear him. The restless fidget of boots on wood. Pacing, quietly, but still loud enough to hear in the silence of the early morning hour. I squeezed my eyes shut, indecision warring within me, but there was still that betraying part of me who cared. Who knew that if I simply laid here, there was a chance I'd regret it for the rest of my life.

I let out a frustrated grunt, threw back the covers, and stepped out of bed.

His silhouette was hulking, imposing itself over my porch – over my life - uninvited. That clench, that involuntary _spasm_ that I wasn't sure was nerves or fear or anxiety rippled over me. Being on the end of that temper had given me a wake-up call. Having never had to fully bear the brunt of his wrath before, my eyes were opened. There was no sunshine, easy smiles, innocent hand-clasps or awkward flirting here. I was once-bitten, twice shy, and the thought of the endless emotional jibes that could roll off his tongue and crawl inside my head now that we were alone once again was catching my breath. He couldn't be here to take another, final, swing at me, could he?

I pressed my back to the front door, watching him watch the moonlight, sat on the top step with his back to me and pretending that he hadn't heard me come out. Pretending he hadn't thrown himself down on the step as soon as my foot hit the floor of my bedroom.

He'd been there for hours, just waiting. In my attempts at sleep, I was hell-bent on ignoring him until he went away. I could remember watching the clock turn three-am at least a half-hour ago, and by that stage it had started to feel ridiculous. He was just as stubborn as I; of _course _he'd still be here.

Never in my life had I felt so out of place around Jacob Black. The four or five steps between us could have been an ocean, or a six-feet-thick stone wall. It seemed like eons since I'd really spoken to him; had a real conversation which wasn't awkward and stuttered or didn't descend into a screaming match preceded by an exchange of abuse. Our friendship – no, our _love – _died a long time ago, and we'd both done a pretty thorough job of hiding the remains under a mound of professed mistrust and hatred shown by snide remarks or jealous outbursts.

I released a breath through my nose, fastening my jacket around me in an attempt to prolong the moment. I was still livid with him, sure, but it didn't mean I wasn't scared. His hold over me frightened me. It terrified me how he still knew, after all this time, exactly what to say to get inside my head. How, even with his own life figured out, all the happiness he could want displayed before him, he still had the power to take away mine.

I was lucky that having Leah and Embry around was enough to knock some sense into me. If it hadn't been a combination of her words and Embry's... _actions_ - the memory still gave me delighted shivers - then I'd probably still be cutting myself off, trying to keep away from The Pack when I should have been supporting them. Part of my little lesson the other day was the need to prove my place in their lives. In Embry's life - because if Jacob, as his alpha, couldn't learn to accept that, then I didn't know how long he'd stay. I may have hated the fact that Embry had to put himself in danger every day, lie to his mother and scrape together four hours of sleep most nights he wasn't patrolling because he was still trying to keep up with school assignments, but I didn't want to be the reason that he lost something from his life. Embry's pack was his family, and as an only child of a single parent for most of my life, I didn't take that lightly.

He'd fought for me, and never stopped, and it was my duty as the person he chose to be with to fight back just as hard.

Jacob, on the other hand, had never fought for me. In this life, he had never experienced what it was like to have me taken away by another – until Embry did it, and it wasn't until that happened that Jacob Black, alpha werewolf, world-at-his-feet, knew how it felt to lose. Ironically, the only tangible indication of how strong and pure Jacob's feelings for me had really been were the actions of another version of him. The Jacob who squared off with vampires, snarled protectively at beings much older and world-wise than himself. The Jacob who fought for my humanity by any means necessary. _That _Jacob was the one I still thought of, one of the many facets that made up the man I'd lost from my life. maybe the burden of too much knowledge was detrimental to the healing process, because somewhere deep down, I knew the person he could be, and how much I still felt the absence, though my feelings for him had been put to rest. Melanie was right – the more I thought about it, as much as the imprint had torn us apart, _I_ had grieved for us, put us in the box marked 'past' and moved on.

Jacob? He'd never done that.

I pulled in a steadying breath, wondering why her words were such a source of insight for me briefly, before smiling at my own idiocy. Of course. Perfect mate. This girl knew Jacob better than I could ever hope to, and all I could do was listen.

"Can you sit?" he asked, cutting into my thoughts.

I bristled instinctively, both thrown off by the still-foreign timbre of his voice, and remembering why he was here. I just wanted to know the outcome of this.

"I was wondering what was keeping him away," I said, moving to stand beside where he sat, but not quite obeying the instructions. Fuck him – I wasn't his little imprint or one of the furry members of his Pack. Just because I had a relationship with his Beta - _was Embry even his Beta?_ - didn't mean he got to order me around. Every time he spoke to me these days I just had this fierce burst of defiance licking up my spine. I couldn't even explain it. I looked down at the top of his head, which, granted, still came up to my upper-arm when seated. "Your doing?"

His mouth twitched. Guilt. At least I remembered some things. "He knows I wanted to talk to you."

"You mean you ordered him away from me," I said, shaking my head in dismay.

"No," he said. "I would _never_- I might have baited him... telling him if he was so secure about the two of you then he wouldn't mind leaving us to talk in private." He looked out into the trees guiltily, where I didn't think even _he_ could see any signs of life. "He isn't far, though."

I sighed heavily. "Any chance you could have done that without being an ass about it?" There he goes again, using his words against us.

I searched his appearance for the Jacob I didn't want to slap in the face - but the fact that he still seemed to be growing and maturing into his alpha self was nothing short of _unnerving_ when it hit me in that moment. Each time I saw him, he was a little bit further from how I pictured him in my head; his shoulders held such bulk and his brow was so heavy that I couldn't quite make myself look much longer.

"I talked to Sam," he said after a prolonged moment, like that explained everything. "The guys... the Pack? I wasn't doing what I'm supposed to, and he's been there. With the-With Leah, and stuff. I need to..." he trailed off, grunting frustratedly like for the first time, words didn't come easily to him - his emotions weren't cut and dried. His hands wrung together in the space between his folded knees.

"I just really wanted to talk this out," he said finally, features ceasing as he turned his head facing front again. "I'll apologise to Embry later."

I sighed, finally relenting at the nervous tone of his voice. "Yeah, well, I wanted to sleep, but it's kind of hard when you're scared the neighbours are gonna report a suspicious figure on the porch."

His eyes crinkled at the corners, a lame shadow of his smile flitting off into the darkness before it could fully form. My stomach twisted uncomfortably at the sight of it. There he was - just a glimpse, but that smile was all Jake. I felt my lungs exhaling resignedly.

I just _missed _him. Was that so bad?

"I couldn't leave it any longer, Bells," he confessed, dropping his chin onto his fist wearily. The gesture seemed off, a teenager fit into an adult's body. In reality, he was.

I took a step down, finally giving in to the tiredness of my legs and planting myself on the step beside him – not close enough to touch. "What, your grovelling apology?"

He looked at me from the corner of his eye as I sat, still stiff and unfamiliar with the proximity, with the house, and with me. There was a strange energy tinging the air between us; I was hyper aware of where he was, but rather than being pleasant, it was a foreign feeling. The feeling of unease, of being forced to share space with a stranger. The moonlight painted the edges of his jaw, nose, lips; like a rendering of the person I knew which wasn't quite accurate. If someone had told me this was Jacob's older brother or cousin, judging by appearance alone, I'd have believed them. His eyes were on his laced fingers then, and he threw out a shrug.

"Is it too late?"

I looked out into the dark street. _That_ was a loaded question. "For a lot of things, yeah."

His eyes closed at my reply, and a long, slow breath came from his parted lips. "I don't know what happened to me. Or how."

Frowning, I felt my mouth tighten, waiting for the rest of the explanation to come. If he wanted to talk, he should talk. I didn't owe him anything after all that he'd said.

"It's like... I came here so hopeful that day. After I saw you at the party, and you were so _you _again, I couldn't stay away. I've missed you so much, Bells," he confessed. "My life changed and I had all this stuff to contend with and yeah, I had Mel, and she's been fucking amazing, but there's always something missing; always that absence you left. Since the first change, I always believed you'd be around for the next one."

His head turned vaguely in my direction, but his eyes were downcast.

"I mean, I figured if I ever _did_ step up, as alpha, I believed you'd go through it with me... but everything got so fucked up between us and I just wanted my best friend, you know?"

I didn't answer. I'd needed him too, but how could he expect me to stick around, just when I'd discovered how huge that need was - only to have it ripped away and to get busted down to second, when he was still my all?

"And I know – I _know_ it was too much to ask... but I thought," he sighed again. "I thought that maybe enough time had passed and we could be friends again." His eyes met mine briefly. "I was there for you, even when you loved someone else, and I thought maybe you cared about me enough to return the favour."

I bit my lip, a surprising stab of guilt piercing through the armour I'd forged upon discovering he was here. He had a point – Jacob had been selflessly by my side, putting me back together through some of the hardest times in my life, never pressuring me for more than I was willing to give. It was only when things became hopeless on his side that I'd felt any nudges to my affection - but I knew, after living through it, that Jacob's desperation was less about winning me as a prize and more about keeping me alive.

"That's not-" he backpedalled, shaking his head, "I'm not laying a guilt-trip on you or anything, I'm just saying how it was. For me."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, dipping my chin. It was something, at least, for him to say he wasn't trying to play mind-games. It didn't take away from the fact that they weren't far off from working, though.

"And then I got here... and I thought I scented him, and I thought, 'Maybe it's too late – maybe she's already replaced me?'. It was hard enough thinking that he'd become your new shoulder to lean on. When I saw him holding you-" he clenched his jaw, a head shake to calm the stiffness in his muscles, "And his hands on you, _kissing _you, like I'd barely ever had the chance to, I just..."

He turned to me, looking in my eyes and then thinking better of it, redirecting to my hands on my lap instead.

"I lost it, Bella. I lost control and I wanted to pull you away and take you somewhere else. I wanted to break his arms, snap his fingers off. I wanted to fucking _kill_ him," his voice was bitterly cold now. "Even though you're not even mine_. _I said everything hurtful I could – _because_ I could_. _Because he wasn't good enough. And it's not that it's him, _nobody_ is because-" he huffed out a breath, meeting my eyes fully now, the words tumbling out faster than he could even catch them.

"Because you're all I'd ever wanted and it's only now that I get how tragic that is. All I ever wanted, but all I'll never have."

There was silence between us.

I was reeling. Complete shock at his words sent my mind into a tailspin. The jolt to my attention made the grogginess in my head disappear. It was one thing, Melanie telling me he felt this way, and another for Embry to theorise the same - but for him to actually say it, baring himself to me when he had so much to jeopardise in his life knocked the air from my lungs.

"Jacob, I..." I began, but he held a hand up in front of his face.

He huffed out a bitter laugh to the sky, shaking his head once more, embarrassed. "And don't bother telling me how fucked up that is, because I know. I already have everything."

I nodded. "You do. You have everything you could ever need," I said in reprimand, barely blinking as I seared my gaze on the side of his face. He turned to look at me with a sad little smile. It was fond and made my breath hitch at the sight of it.

"Fucked up, I know," he said, raising his brows. "I mean... with Mel, it's like... I can't live without her, like she was literally carved from a part of my soul. She knows what's right for me before even I do. Every single thing about her makes me crazy and calms me at the same time. She's peace, and a reason to fight all at once. And I love her." He looked me in the eyes, unapologetic. "I really fucking love her. Bells."

I studied him, trying to make out where he was going with this. The words didn't hurt as much as they once could have... because this was it.

Closure.

Finally, he was acknowledging that we'd had something that merited more than a passing thought before he let it be broken apart and the pieces shattered. That I was worth the fight he didn't put up because I deserved to be in his life - but someone else had shown me that already. I no longer needed Jacob's approval when I had Embry's - but more importantly - my own.

He was giving me an explanation - that what he felt for Melanie was too shocking and powerful to do anything _but _break our bond, no matter how upsetting that was - and it was, for both of us, even if it was just now that the grief hit him. We hadn't stood a chance. After a moment of silence, it clicked.

"You need her."

A nod. "I've never needed someone so badly before. It's..." he let out a breath, "Crippling."

"But you _wanted_ me." It wasn't a question. If Jacob wasn't who he was, didn't have the duty he had, he'd have his choice. I knew first-hand what that decision would be.

His brows rose sadly. "You were the only thing I'd ever wanted for myself, Bella."

"Jacob," I let out a breath, eyes closing. "Maybe at some point, I would have been right for you, but what happens to us makes us who we are, and our paths diverged from each other. It's just how things...go." I fixed him with a look, his eyes intent and hanging on my every word. "But just because your choice was taken away, doesn't give you the right to punish others for it."

"I wasn't trying to punish you-" he began, but a glance at my withering look had him relenting. "Alright, well it wasn't a conscious thing... I'm so fucking sorry, Bella. I- It was one thing, hearing that you'd moved on, The Newton guy - complete douche, whatever, I could get behind it - but seeing it with my own two eyes... and another _wolf_? I just- You're talking about fate and all of that... but you know what could happen here. You know what he could do to you."

"And so could_ Mike, _Jake. There's a risk in everything, not just because you're magic and whatnot," I said. "I've thought about this a lot over the last week. I've thought about little else since the first time he kissed me. Embry's proven to me, time and time again that he's chosen me and that I'm worth any hardships he may encounter... do you know how amazing that is?" I gave him a small, disbelieving smile. "That someone can be willing to go through so much to return your feelings? Why the hell should I deprive us both of what we have, just because there's a chance he could some day leave me. Maybe we comfort ourselves when we believe he won't be forced to, but the chance is still there with anyone else, even if it's not as high."

He chewed over my words with a pained expression, the muscles in his jaw flickering. I hoped he was really listening this time, that the absence of blind, possessive rage would help him focus on my words. Focus on fact that this wasn't some whim for me - the idea of Embry and I wasn't going anywhere.

"I just- How I treated you, Bells. It was unforgivable. And I'll try to make it up to you... but I just can't sit back and do nothing when the same thing could happen again. Not when you might not want me around to help make things better for you," he confessed, just before he took a deep breath, closing his eyes, steeling himself once more. "Just, I'll say it one last time. Please, be careful. Be sure, about everything. And if you are, then I'll back off. Just be sure. For _you."_

I reached over and put a hand on his arm, feeling a rush of nostalgia and affection all at once. "Jake. I've taken risks in my life. Probably more than is sane... but Embry's the best one yet."

The look he gave me was dubius for a long moment, his eyes searching mine before it melted into quiet acceptance, and the sounds of a still-asleep neighbourhood filtered around the two of us. I took a breath, daring to feel relieved that this problem was _finally_ at an end.

Jacob swallowed thickly, a short nod into the darkness the only visible response.

"He's crazy about you," he said, as if voicing it for the first time. "He keeps things locked up. His private things, about the two of you. But- I guess he slipped up... I saw... I saw you telling him how you felt?" His voice cracked at the end, like he wasn't quite sure we were at the point where talking about it was okay.

My head dipped, hiding a smile at the understanding of what he was referring to. I refused to be ashamed of it.

"I could _feel_," he clutched at his chest. "It's the just the same as I... I had no right to dismiss what you have, just because it's not an imprint." He shook out of his reverie. "You're it for him. It's hard, but... can't blame him can I?" he said, eyes bright, a subtle little curve of his lip. I felt it deep within my chest, tried to return it, because the Jacob I knew still tried to smile when his heart was breaking.

I squeezed the warm flesh beneath my hand, either giving strength or gathering it, I wasn't sure.

"It's the same for me. He's just-" I began, not sure how the hell I could pin Embry down in one sentence, or even several. "I've never met anyone like him. It's like, he's fierce and strong and loving and sweet all at once... and his _mind? _He approaches things and has this train of thought that is so unique but the most intriguing thing I've ever known... Like I just want to hear what he'll say next because even if I don't agree, I just need to know."

I closed my eyes, drawing up each amazing memory of an impossible guy, holding them to my chest with a clenched fist like I couldn't breathe without them. It should have felt wrong to blurt all of this to Jacob, but he wasn't the only one to lose someone when we were at odds. Jacob always strived for my happiness, no matter what.

"He just sees right into me, and he's got this _look, _you know? Like he _knows. _And I can't ever be anything but honest with him. Even if I try, it's not worth it, because I _want _him to know me. There's no piece of me I'd want to hide away, because he's seen it all, and for whatever crazy, messed up reason, he seems to think it's something he wants to be around."

I gave a soft, self-deprecating laugh, aware he was just watching my face, taking in the emotions displayed on it. There was something in his expression, somewhere between pain and and fondness and settling on bittersweet.

He pressed his lips together. "Em always was the smart one," he said after a moment, knocking my shoulder gently with his own. I smirked. "And loyal, trustworthy. He never really saw what a great guy he is. I probably should have done a better job of telling him that," he said with guilt. "It hurt, I'm not going to try and lie about it now, because it fucking clawed at me... but I guess out of anyone, I'm glad it's him." He looked at me straight in the face, jutting his chin up with conviction. "He deserves you, Bells. I was just talking utter shit to hurt you before. He probably deserves you more than I ever did."

My face crumpled, and I felt my head lean to the side, bowled over by the raw honesty in his words. _This _was the Jake I knew - the Jake I'd fallen for, even_ before_ I knew I fell for him. Somewhere on the planes of that grown-up face was that gangly fifteen-year-old who had healed my heart with nothing more than his smile and his presence, and I could see him now, like the moon had come out from behind a cloud and shown his true face.

"We weren't meant to be, Jake," I said softly, my face betraying how bittersweet it made me feel. I cleared my throat, slipping my hand into his. It felt achingly familiar, but also the start of something brand new. A new us. New friendship. "I went back, to save Charlie. I needed to do something, to keep him alive... but what gave me the strength to do that was you. I believed that a world without Edward would give me you. Without monsters and magic, the natural path," I confessed.

His brows rose. "You came back for me?"

"Partially," I nodded, noticing how he now spoke like he believed in my abilities. "I guess I found it easier to give up Edward and that whole life together if I was getting you as part of the deal. I'd reached the point where I couldn't pretend my heart just belonged to one person anymore."

I watched him for a beat, chewing my lip and wondering whether to continue.

"You were a different person there, Jake. Bitter and sarcastic and willing to say anything for impact, and sometimes I hated you for it, especially when I saw the difference in you with Mel," I confessed, and he listened intently like it was one of Billy's stories. "Edward coming back into my life and becoming a wolf both contributed to it, sure, but there's only so much you can be out through until you break. When this all happened with Embry, and you became that guy right before me, I realised what that last straw is for you. The common denominator to your anger."

He looked to me, and I think he guessed what was coming next.

"It's me. I thought if we got a proper chance then you'd never have to become that person, but it didn't work. No matter what happens, we're always going to hurt each other, and its not right. We're just not supposed to be together, Jake. I think, deep down, you know that too."

His eyes dropped and he nodded, worrying at his lip, looking like it hurt to agree, but he did anyway.

"I always thought that if none of this ever happened, then you and me would get our shot. Like maybe if there weren't any vampires or no Pack then I'd be that natural path for you... But I think we'd still manage to find a way to make it difficult."

I found myself smirking ruefully. "Nothing goes exactly the way you plan it to," I said, gesturing to my chest," Take it from someone who knows."

He gave a half-hearted smile and licked his lips.

"Mel's it for me. As much as I wanted it to be you... I couldn't live a life where she wasn't part of it. She makes me... real. It's like everything quiets around her, and I'm not being pulled in four different directions and worrying about her ninety percent of my time," he quirked a smile at me. "I'm _me_ with her. Like the guy I was before all the claws and war and pain."

"I know," I nodded. "As much as I'd like to think I would have been that person for you... eventually...there was too much of me to fix, Jake. You need a strong foundation under you, to bear the weight of all-" I gestured vaguely, "This. I'm just not that person for you." I stroked at his hand soothingly with my thumb, watching him, missing this, our talks and the inherent closeness I'd always felt with him.

He was still the person I remembered - though changed by life and love and developments - but that guy I'd met, who could fix anything if he just tried hard enough, still lurked under there. Jacob could change the damn world with his hands behind his back. He was strong, resilient, protective, and he still wore his emotions like a badge for all to see. Let the world buckle under their intensity because Jacob could love with his entire heart and the depths of his soul, and once you were a part of his life you always would be.

"But maybe I can be by your side while she is."

His head rose again and he stared, and it had been so damn long since he had looked at me that way that I felt tears brimming. His eyes darted between mine and one large, warm hand came up to brush a trendril of hair from my vision. Reverently. Delicately.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded. "No matter what happens, I'll always want to be in your life, Jake. You and me, _Jake 'n' Bells, _right?_"_

His eyes softened, a dim smile dawning over that beautiful face. "You know that - other than Mel, of course - you'll always be my girl. Not second place, just... You."

"I know. I think you're stuck with me now," I quipped, sniffling, squeezing his hand and attempting a watery smile. He returned it genuinely, puffing out a soft laugh and ducking his head. I couldn't let it go like this, though, not when there was a war to fight and two best friends barely speaking. I wet my lips, fixing him a hard look.

"But there's one thing. This thing between you and Em? It's the last thing I ever wanted to happen. It's killing me to see you both like this. You're practically brothers."

He sighed. "I know. I fucked up, alright? I hate that he hates me."

"I don't think he has it in him to hate," I said, lip quirking up on one side. "No matter how much he may try to convince himself. He's just protective and hurt. It's not something he was ever going to take lying down."

"And he shouldn't have to," he agreed. "I'm gonna- I have to fix this with him. I still want him by my side. Him and Quil. Always. He's my bro." He gave me a little grin I couldn't help but return.

"Yeah, it's probably fucking up the universe, Three Amigos at odds."

He laughed softly. "Something like that," he nodded. "I'll make it up to him. I swear, if I have to spend the rest of my life trying."

"I think an apology would be a good place to start," I responded ruefully. "You manage to get my boyfriend back talking to you civilly again, and you and I are golden."

He leaned forward, resting his forehead on my shoulder. There was a sigh of relief as he breathed me in and just... _rested. _Rested for the first time in - what I assumed was - weeks. I pressed a kiss into his hair. Chaste. Loving. Fraternal.

"Love you," I said, and I really, with all my heart, meant it.

I closed my eyes, savouring the stillness, until Jacob broke away urgently.

His head jerked to the side, eyes squinting into the darkness, like he'd heard something he wasn't expecting to. I followed his gaze - although I wasn't sure why, since I wouldn't be able to see anything - and felt a strange jolt of unease. I mean, who could really blame me - my house was being guarded by wolves. A soft squeeze to Jacob's shoulder softly drew his attention back, and he frowned, shaking his head helplessly. He took another glance at what must have been my worried expression and wrapped a long arm around my shoulder. I leaned into his heat, into the familiarity of it and let out a long breath.

"Love you too, Bells," he said.

* * *

**A/N: This chapter was my love letter to the character of Jacob Black.**


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